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Death of a Pet


dancetrip

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Condolances to everyone that has lost a Pet!

This past Saturday I had to say good bye to my miricle kitty Jack. Jack was the greatest cat in the whole world. He truely was a one of a kind. Had the best personality and was loved by everyone. He was even loved by other animals in the neighborhood. He wouldnt hurt a flea.

He suddenly became ill on Dec. 29th evening. Started vomitting and was just out of it. On that Friday I took him into the vet. They ran blood work and did xrays. All of which showed nothing. By Sunday, I was at the emergency vet clinic because he was not eating or drinking and still vomitting. Again they took blood and xrays. They gave him an enema thinking that he was backed up. Monday he was back at our reg clinic and put on iv's. He was severely dehydrated. He was there Monday, Tuesday and Wed. for the day for the dehydration. Still not eating and having to feed him with a suringe. He took his meds that way as well. Too make a long story short, he progressively got weaker and weaker and was in so much pain. Finally on the Saturday we picked him up from the clinic and brought him to emergency I made the decision I did not want him to suffer any longer.

I miss him so very much, he was called our miricle kitty because of an accident he had about 8 years ago. He was in a car accident and lost an eye. We nursed him back to health and he was our one eyed Jack! Still as sharp as ever, what a lover, and best friend. I held him in my arms as they gave him the injection. I had him wrapped in a towel. He was so trusting and knew that the time had come. He told me he had had enough. The doctor had said he could go on feeding tubes, iv's etc. and they could do exploratory surgery in a day or two and he jumped off the table. As weak as he was I knew he was trying to tell me No, please don't do it. I have had enough. The time has come. After the shot was given he rested peacefully in my arms as I sobbed how much I loved him and that he was the best cat, I told him I would see him later. I look forward to the day I will see him again. Only this time, he will have both eyes again. Till then my dear friend, I will never ever forget you and will do my best to go on. We have Oscar your little buddy (cat) who misses you dearly too, we must give him lots of love now too.

Thank you everyone for letting me share my thoughts with you.

God Bless you and all the four legged friends we have lost.

I, too, have lost a wonderful cat that I had for 17 1/2 years named "Bookie", and it was a life changing event for me, not in a sad way, but in a spiritual way because I knew what had to be done and I was right there with her as the doctor put the needle into her little arm and injected her with a substance that put her gently to sleep.

She was a jet black cat of such a little stature, never weighing more than 11 pounds at the height of her health. When I had her put to sleep, she weighed a mere 4 pounds. My poor little girl! Yes, I, too, cried my eyes out, but I knew the very second when I put her in my car to take her home and bury her that she was at peace because a real sense of calm and peace also came over me. Yes, I miss her terribly so, and even call her name all of the time as I go into my cellar because that's where she would stay in the summer and fall, and then, I would put her in the study in the winter and spring!

Pets are our mentors and silent teachers, even if they cannot talk to us in our own language. They are true examples of how one should love all people and things. They also set the stage and so wonderfully display for us how we should forgive others, no matter how many times those around us hurt us, either through their words or actions. Plus, they are so understanding and so willing just to sit there and listen to us without any judgment, criticism, or ridicule that most of us have had to endure in dealing with other humanoid life!!! They ask for nothing and give us so much unconditionally and that's because they want us to see what is truly important in this life we are living, if we can ever get our incessantly active and noisy MIND to quiet down for a few seconds!!!

To say that I did not learn a wealth of spiritual knowledge from my precious cat would be the biggest understatement in history. I am so grateful for having had her in my life for all of those years, and I will continue to apply her attributes that she exhibited to me on every occasion to the rest of LIFE that I will interact with!!!! How to be forgiving, how to be accepting, how to be understanding, how to be compassionate, how to be loving and kind, how to be tolerant, how to be generous, and how to be at peace with one's self are all examples of what my cat, "Bookie" taught me or at least, refreshed my memory with!!! These qualites are all spiritual qualities of our "CREATOR"!! So, in our quest for spirutal perfection here, let us always look to our pets to set the standards for finding our way there.

May GOD Bless each and every one of you and the pets you either have right now or have had in the past, and be so reassured that each of us will DEFINITELY see our beloved pets once again, when it is our time to head "HOME", as well!!!

Always a friend,

Steve D.

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Hi I'm new to your forum. A year ago Monday I lost my dog Travis. I still miss him deeply. I guess I should explain that last year was a bad year for me, I lost Travis Jan 10, my grandmother that I loved deerly Mar. 1, and my husbands Uncle on Nov. 6. We also had my father in laws and our friends dogs get hit by cars this year and they both were killed. I also work in a Nursing home. So this year has been really hard on me and I seem to get teary eyed alot, sometimes things just pop into my head about one of my losses and I start crying. I try to keep a brave face, but sometimes when I'm alone the tears fall. Right now they are for Travis I am thankful that he is no longer in pain as he had bone cancer. His death was peaceful and I stayed with him until the end and then kissed him goodbye. We burried him on our property up north where he loved to go, so I now that he is happy where he is. We always visit his grave when we are there, we have planted some bulbs and my daughter made him a headstone, so it is quite nice. I have taken palitive care courses and dealing with grief courses at work, I now that time is healing and that what I and everyone else here is feeling is normal but it doesn't make it easier right now. I don't want to make this a long post so I shall keep in touch and it is nice meeting people that are going through the same things that I am.

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Condolances to everyone that has lost a Pet!

This past Saturday I had to say good bye to my miricle kitty Jack. Jack was the greatest cat in the whole world. He truely was a one of a kind. Had the best personality and was loved by everyone. He was even loved by other animals in the neighborhood. He wouldnt hurt a flea.

He suddenly became ill on Dec. 29th evening. Started vomitting and was just out of it. On that Friday I took him into the vet. They ran blood work and did xrays. All of which showed nothing. By Sunday, I was at the emergency vet clinic because he was not eating or drinking and still vomitting. Again they took blood and xrays. They gave him an enema thinking that he was backed up. Monday he was back at our reg clinic and put on iv's. He was severely dehydrated. He was there Monday, Tuesday and Wed. for the day for the dehydration. Still not eating and having to feed him with a suringe. He took his meds that way as well. Too make a long story short, he progressively got weaker and weaker and was in so much pain. Finally on the Saturday we picked him up from the clinic and brought him to emergency I made the decision I did not want him to suffer any longer.

I miss him so very much, he was called our miricle kitty because of an accident he had about 8 years ago. He was in a car accident and lost an eye. We nursed him back to health and he was our one eyed Jack! Still as sharp as ever, what a lover, and best friend. I held him in my arms as they gave him the injection. I had him wrapped in a towel. He was so trusting and knew that the time had come. He told me he had had enough. The doctor had said he could go on feeding tubes, iv's etc. and they could do exploratory surgery in a day or two and he jumped off the table. As weak as he was I knew he was trying to tell me No, please don't do it. I have had enough. The time has come. After the shot was given he rested peacefully in my arms as I sobbed how much I loved him and that he was the best cat, I told him I would see him later. I look forward to the day I will see him again. Only this time, he will have both eyes again. Till then my dear friend, I will never ever forget you and will do my best to go on. We have Oscar your little buddy (cat) who misses you dearly too, we must give him lots of love now too.

Thank you everyone for letting me share my thoughts with you.

God Bless you and all the four legged friends we have lost.

i'm so sorry to read about your Jack :-(

i would have replied to you sooner but i am running around in circles this past week, and i keep forgetting that i haven't come back here to respond!...

its so incredibly brave and good of you to let Jack be put to sleep instead of causing him to suffer for just one more day longer... no matter how much pain our pet-babies are in, it is so hard to make that final decision and you should know that you were *very* good to him that you let him move on and find peace...

many hugs to you in your time of grief :-(

Juju

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Hi I'm new to your forum. A year ago Monday I lost my dog Travis. I still miss him deeply. I guess I should explain that last year was a bad year for me, I lost Travis Jan 10, my grandmother that I loved deerly Mar. 1, and my husbands Uncle on Nov. 6. We also had my father in laws and our friends dogs get hit by cars this year and they both were killed. I also work in a Nursing home. So this year has been really hard on me and I seem to get teary eyed alot, sometimes things just pop into my head about one of my losses and I start crying. I try to keep a brave face, but sometimes when I'm alone the tears fall. Right now they are for Travis I am thankful that he is no longer in pain as he had bone cancer. His death was peaceful and I stayed with him until the end and then kissed him goodbye. We burried him on our property up north where he loved to go, so I now that he is happy where he is. We always visit his grave when we are there, we have planted some bulbs and my daughter made him a headstone, so it is quite nice. I have taken palitive care courses and dealing with grief courses at work, I now that time is healing and that what I and everyone else here is feeling is normal but it doesn't make it easier right now. I don't want to make this a long post so I shall keep in touch and it is nice meeting people that are going through the same things that I am.

OH GOD WHAT A HORRIBLE YEAR FOR YOU! :-(

its good that you have people in your life that you can mourn these losses with, but man, i just sounds like one thing right after another, i would not blame you at *all* for feeling horribly overwhelmed by it all....

i hope that you keep coming back to talk to us if you feel too lonely or upset over any of this...

we'll always be here and listening...

many hugs to you

Juju

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one week ago yesterday i lost my baby cat wilson in all my life i have never found a love like we had for eachother he is my red headed step child in fur clothing it hurts so much to be without him he is the most amazing cat every morning he would drink coffee with me he wouldn't eat unless i sat there and petted him while he was eating he taught me several games that we played evry day he slept on my belly every night he gave the best five years of my life his best friend sage misses him so much he keeps looking around for him every time i open the door i dont know how he died cause he never went outside and a friend accidently let him out and we didnt know it for about 3 hours and when i went outside ther he was it just looked like he was sleeping i feel so bads that i wasnt there for him when he needed me most and i didnt get to hold and comfort him i love you so much wilon so does daddy and brother sage

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madamcaptain

I lost my cat Boris in September 2004. He was 2 and a half years old. However, I'm not sure if he actually died because he just didn't come home one night. I like to think that Boris is still alive but deep down I know that he probably died somehow. I tried looking for him everywhere and I couldn't find him. I thought he might come home on his own after a few days but he didn't. I miss him so much and I still shed a tear for him sometimes. He was such a loving cat and he loved sleeping on my lap while I watched tv at night. I'm not sure if I should be typing in this message board so please let me know.

Linda

one week ago yesterday i lost my baby cat wilson in all my life i have never found a love like we had for eachother he is my red headed step child in fur clothing it hurts so much to be without him he is the most amazing cat every morning he would drink coffee with me he wouldn't eat unless i sat there and petted him while he was eating he taught me several games that we played evry day he slept on my belly every night he gave the best five years of my life his best friend sage misses him so much he keeps looking around for him every time i open the door i dont know how he died cause he never went outside and a friend accidently let him out and we didnt know it for about 3 hours and when i went outside ther he was it just looked like he was sleeping i feel so bads that i wasnt there for him when he needed me most and i didnt get to hold and comfort him i love you so much wilon so does daddy and brother sage
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I just recently found this and wanted to share it-wow, it is so true!!!

If you can always be cheerful, ignoring aches and pains

If you can resist complaining and boring people with your troubles

If you can eat the same food every day and be grateful for it

If you can take ignore a friend's limited education and never correct him

If you can resist treating a rich friend better than a poor friend

If you can face the world without lies and deceit

If you can say honestly that deep in your heart you have no prejudice against creed, color, religion or politics

Then my friend, you are almost as good as your pet

In memory of all our pets who have the right to be remembered well

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I lost my cat this December. I had raised him from a baby. He was very special. He never saw himself as this little male cat but pranced around and often roared ( he didn't meow but would have a stange call )like a tiger or lion. I truely believe he thought he was much more than he was. We live out in the country and whenever I would walk at nite he would walk up and down the road with me "roaring" to keep whatever at bay. Then he would lay in the road, giving up his food or whatever until I was safely back in the house, then he would go back to his dish or his adventures. I forgot to add that when he becamse a teenager he wanted to be left outside for he would sit in the open window and cry to go out until I let him. He soon became attached to our dog and they were great friends. Anyway, I came home one night after a late meeting and he was dead on the hwy. He died five months to the exact day that my mother had. I was so sad. I think someting is wrong with me. I still miss him. One night I was walking with my depressed son on the road and could have sworn I heard kittie roar just once. I turned around but he was not there. Am I crazy? Do other people feel like this? Kittie was got for my oldest son but he always seemed to love and trust me the most as I always fed and tended to him. I ask God to please let mother watch out and keep kittie until one day I can join them. Mother always loved cats too. I think she would be quite intrigued with kitties antics. Thanks for letting me rant!

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Beyond Indigo Is Looking for Message Board Monitors

Interested in volunteering a few hours each week to monitor a message board and interact daily with the Beyond Indigo community? We're looking for monitors to share their experience, strength and hope. If you are interested, contact Julie at julie@beyondindigo.com for more information.

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Hi all –

I’m sure you’ve noticed that the message boards seem a little different. We’ve streamlined the message boards. We’ve unified the forum and thread names and tried to make things less confusing. I hope that it has made things easier for you.

We are considering adding new threads to the topics and would love to hear what you would like to be added. You can write me at julie@beyondindigo.com to share your thoughts and suggestions. I would love to hear from you.

I am also still looking for message board monitors. If you are interested, please let me know!

Take care,

Julie

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hi,

i lost my beloved dog two yrs. ago and still miss her so much. that yr was horrible because every animal in the house was dying and she was the worst of them i cried and cried she was 14 and right before she died i cut a piece of her hair and still have it. i still love u soooooooooooooo much sammy

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Jenn,

I totally understand. Two years ago my beloved dachshund was hit by a car and killed when she dug out of the fence. It happened on my 32nd birthday. Last Thursday I turned 34 and I realized no birthday will ever be the same. I still miss my dog like it just happened. I have a new dog now, a bigger dog and I love her too, but noone can ever take the place of my Ginny Girl.

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slowlyhealing

There are times where I long to hold my dear Lulubella again. She was one of my closest friends, I mean sure she didn't talk, but she was a really good listener. I want her more than ever now, because off all the stress that is going on in my life. That little floppy ear rabbit would be listening a lot right now. She only lived 10 years, and then died along with my other rabbit Rootbeer who was a giant lop and he was only 8. I use to share my thoughts and my feelings with both of them, but now I don't have many people to talk to around here, and at times I feel really lonely. Funny how God can make friends in any shape or form. I miss my Lulu and Rootbeer, and maybe one day... I will be able to get another pet that I can share my pains too again. Until then I'll wait.

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Hi everyone --

Did you know if you click on the quote button on the bottom right corner of a member's post, you can add what they said into your post and comment on it?

Take Care,

Julie

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Two years ago, on April 19th, my fiance Richard died very suddenly - I will post his story later; this one is about his cat, Magic...a most elegant and intelligent pure black tom. Magic had been Rich\'s companion for 12 years...adopted as a youngster to replace a slender female who had died accidently. The new owners of his apartment complex did not allow cats but since Mr. T and Magic (the first) were already there, they were allowed to stay, but Rich was told to not replace them if they died...the new Magic was identical to the old Magic (save the gender...but he was an unusually slim male)so Rich got away with the ruse.

Magic was very shy and was utterly dominated by Mr. T - to the point of absolute silence...he drifted around like a sleek black phantom...when Mr. T passed on he seemed to perform some sort of feline self-evaluation and determined, well maybe he really WAS a cat and to that end, began to meow...something he had never done before...amusingly enough, his meows came out in a rich baritione and sounded like nothing so much as a deep voiced man saying the word \"Meow\" very clearly, carefully, and with great dignity.

When I met Rich, we moved to a new, more animal friendly complex, and I adopted a beautiful one year old female cat whom I named Pixel. Magic and Pixel took to each other like whipped cream and strawberries. MAgic looked out for her and showed ehr around the neighbourhood, and Pixel, also a remarkably intelligent and prepossessed cat, taught how to be a feline. They made a great team.

A year later, Magic began to show signs of illness...he became lethargic, and very thin...he often refused to eat and lay in his bed for hours on end. We took him to the vet and discovered he had some problems with his thyroid, liver and kidneys...the vet was unsure of the root cause, but he took soem tests and in the meantime and put Magic on medication.

Well, he got a little better, but it seemed to be three steps foward, two back. He was in and out of the vets several times a week and was taking a pharmacy\'s worth of varous pills, capsules and drops...

When Rich died, he took a turn for the worse. I was in Toronto making moving arrangements...it took e wa week to get out to California once I was contacted, because I decided to drive out...rationalizing that I would hire a trailer to bring back all of my belongings...a freidn of ours moved ina nd took care of Pixel and mAgic, but he refused to eat until I got there...I rushed him to the vet..he was hospitalized: transfused, infused and pumped up full of vitamins, antibiotics and painkillers; I spent over $3000. finally the vet said he was fit to travel and we set off, Pixel in one carrier and Magic in the other, stapped into the rear passenger seats. For the first 4 days, all was well..we stopped often to let the cats out to stretch, eat and so on. By the fifth day.I noticed Magic was not eating or drinking, and his urine was very strong. I was very worried and stopped off to buy baby food, which I mixed with sterile water and force fed him with an eyedropper...but he couldn\'t keep it down. It took another 4 days to get home, Magic was fading quickly. I was distraught...we stopped off at several clinics along the way but none of the vets could figure out what was wrong. As soon as I got homw, I took him to my vet; he did soem tests and told me Magic was extremely ill...in fact he was dying from cancer. his liver was riddled with tumours and his kidneys had completely shut down...even with the painkillers he was in tremendous agony, but ever the stoic, he never complained. With a breaking heart, I asked the vet to please put him down...I held him in my arms, he purred very softly and licked my hand, almost as if he knew what was about to happen...the injection was quick, he closed his eyes and died peacefully...and I could not stop crying...

I still miss him...Pixel looked for him for while, but we adopted a little girl kitten to keep her busy and she took great delight in playing surrogate mom...she has settled down happily and the two have bonded well, I love my two girls, but I still look for Magic in the corners..and I think, sometimes, so does Pixel...

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Dear Nimbus55,

I just read your story and it has me in tears. My heart goes out to you in more ways than you know. I, too, lost a furchild 5 years ago, and not a day goes by that I don't wish he were still physically here...although I HAVE had several 'visitations' from him since he left...but it's not the same. He also was a sleek, slender black cat...and strangely enough, his most usual nickname (out of about 30!) was also Boo-Boo. He had quite a tortured ending which was in large part MY fault, so my guilt knows no bounds. In my case, I SHOULD have euthanized, and I didn't. I'm afraid I can't help anyone with that issue, as it's still so strong in myself I can hardly face it, even though I absolutely know he wouldn't want me to feel this way, we loved each other so hugely and thoroughly. From what I've been told though, no matter whether we euthanize ( and I use this term in the STRICTEST sense, according to its actual definition), or don't, guilt for either decision runs rampant in the lives of true animal lovers. I'll be posting more on your storyline later, but for now I'd like you to know there's a very willing and compassionate ear out here if you want to share more...I know I can never talk enough about my dearest kidlets and I, like many, need a real outlet for this. Hope you keep in touch. May all your angels hold your heart in their hands with love and sympathy.

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Today we had to put our dog, Duke, to sleep. Duke was approximately 15 years old and we had him since he was four. It has been a rough two years for him. We moved in June 2003 almost 7 hrs from where we had been living. In October of that year our daughter died in an auto crash. I know that Duke felt that loss and our grief. Unfortunately over the last 10 weeks his health went downhill fast. He had an episode were he was unable to stand. The vet gave him a steriod shot which helped but other problems arose. Duke was no longer the pet we had loved. He was in pain and probably going senile. A tough choice for us to make. May all those who post here find peace and joy in the memory of their pets.

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Hi,

Just reading through this forum. I can't help but to cry. I've had alot of pets over the years dogs and cats. But the one that hits me the most is Peaches our half huskey and half golden retreiver. Took the looks of the retreiver though. He had the most perfect color of fur. It was light tan with white long soft belly hair. He was such a good boy. My little brother brought him home one day from the neighbors and begged my mom to keep him, when he was a puppy. And she agreed (after alot of convincing though) Peaches ended up being not only my brother's but the rest of the family as well (my mom ended up having to take care of him over the years...) He was 10 yrs old when my mom decided to put him down. The reason for this was, he was developing arthuritis in his back legs. He was just getting old and my mom didn't want him to suffer in his "old" age. He was losing weight fast (we found that out after he was put down) My mom let me take him for the weekend (before the monday he was to be put down) to spend some time with him. My boyfriend lived in a house and let me have him there at the house for the weekend. My boyfriend passed away a year ago on June 11, 04 from an accidental death, which I witnessed (I have entered the story about that in the other forums)We both cried that weekend. He slept with us in the bed. It was heart breaking to see your "baby" showing signs of aging. He had a hard time going down the stairs and couldn't jump in the back of my Jimmy without the help of one of us lifting him up. I remember I used to take him for walks around Lake Nakomis everyonce in a while. Those were the best of times...He had the most gentle brown eyes. It was 3 or 4 yrs ago that my mom brought him in to put him down. She said it was the most hardest thing to do (she grew up on a farm). She was gonna just drop him off and leave, but I told her that Peaches deserved to have someone with him. She agreed to stay. She said when she reached down to give him one last kiss on his snout, he raised his head so she can reach him, as if he knew what was going to happen...My mom was on the floor and had Peaches on a blanket laying in her arms. And went to doggy heaven....One thing I miss about him the most, is how he used to tear around the house, when we were playing. It was the funniest sight. You know, he still did that up until he left us. But then paid for it afterwards with being in pain...

People take for granted how important our pets are in our lives. How much they impact our lives. They love us unconditionally. They don't care how we look or if we make mistakes in our lives. Sometimes I think they're better than humans, because they're not selfish, don't go out and hurt innocent people, etc. That's why we need tougher laws to protect the innocent animals who suffer from some type of abuse or neglect for any animal for that matter...Thanks for listening, Roseey

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Swede1,

I was on a site today and saw something that I KNEW you would enjoy reading. I knew I would find you on this forum and I figured that others on this site would like this too.

http://www.beliefnet.com/index/index_204.html

on the page that opens find and click on ANIMALS DO GO TO HEAVEN link and it gives an article but it also has a list on THAT page of other related animal stories/info etc.. I didn't look at it all but I read the article.

Talk to you later,

L

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drzaius1212

I had to put my 14 year old Husky Shepherd mix down last month. I had had her since I was 7, I loved her so much and I still miss her horribly. My question to you guys is, how long should I wait to get a new dog. I know that sounds terribly mean and unsensitive but I need something to get my mind off her because I think about her on a daily basis now. Please can someone help me out.

Jake,

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I'm sorry for all of your losses of your precious family members, that's what they are, a family member. Jake in my opinion, to love another animal should not wait a long time, because many animals need love in the world. It is not at all mean and insensitive, but the contrary, kind and loving. I really think it would help you, you still love your dog that died. When my dog died, I got another one like, 4 days later. Now I have a total of 4 dogs. I love them to death, it's hard work, but it's one of those things, that I can't turn my back on. Many luck to you. Giselle

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Jake, we got our dog, Little, about a year after our son's death and he has been the best way to channel our love. We have already made the decision, and hopefully he will live a good long time, to get another, Chihuahua, just before he dies, or right after. It isn't because we will want to replace him, because that would never be possible, but when one has that love to give waiting just isn't going to be an option.

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I had to put my 14 year old Husky Shepherd mix down last month. I had had her since I was 7, I loved her so much and I still miss her horribly. My question to you guys is, how long should I wait to get a new dog. I know that sounds terribly mean and unsensitive but I need something to get my mind off her because I think about her on a daily basis now. Please can someone help me out.

Jake,

Jake,

Now to throw a wrench into the works (sorry). Because animals are so very precious to me (no, I'm not saying they aren't to others), I always put their needs before my own in the bigger picture. A month isn't a very long time to give the process of grief, no matter who it's about. A year, maybe, is more reasonable. Often people get another animal before they're truly ready, inside and out, and that animal ends up suffering for it because it's so easy to start comparing the new family member with the one who has passed, and that's just not fair to the animal or yourself, as you may end up feeling guilty on top of it. I also think anyone grieving needs to fully complete the process before 'moving on', lest unresolved issues muddy the relationship in any number of ways. In a nutshell, I'd wait as long as you are still sad in any big way....until the day you only "miss" your companion, but aren't really grieving for them the same way. I know some people have actually been helped along in their grieving by adopting another soul, but there's no guarantee that would be the case. Personally, I believe it is a mark of honouring your animal friend and the relationship you had, to grieve fully and completely, rather than hoping to mask the natural pain you feel by jumping into another relationship and putting the expectation on that animal to 'make' you happy again. I say, give yourself more time, come out stronger for the waiting, and then give both that love and strength to a new family member, who deserves the best you can give them, not the weakness and sorrow left over from what and who you're missing. At the very least, get as many perspectives as you can before making any rash decisions. And I'm very sorry for the loss of your doggie. You might also want to check out more sites specific to animal loss, like Lightning Strike.com, for more support than you could imagine!!!!! It's only a month and it's perfectly natural to feel this way, especially when you've lived with someone you love for so long. If it helps any, it's been 5 long years since my furboy passed and it took me a good 3 years to function really well again. I DID have his sister to look after still, but she became very ill upon his death and so it was very taxing on me to have to deal with that at the same time as I was grieving so heavily. I had to deal with HER grief as well as my own....not a pretty picture. Grief for anyone takes quite a while to come to terms with, and it's no different with an animal if you loved them. Don't rush yourself. Another good site is Animals In Our Hearts. My thoughts are with you, Jake.

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The Greatest Love Comes From the Heart

(7/27/05 1:39 pm)

I have a collie dog, male, Kea, he is 17 yrs old, my best buddy, and I need to do something this weekend that I am having a hard time with. I need to lay him to rest, he has been very sick. There is nothing any more that the Vets can do. He has a medical condition known as canine Cognitive Dysfunction Syndrome (CDS) causes disorientation, confusion, memory loss and personality changes that are very similar to Alzheimer's disease in humans. Canine Cognitive Dysfunction is sometimes referred to as "old dog syndrome", "brain aging", "doggie dementia" or "senility".

Kea still knows me and wants to be near me, and he also is partially paralized in the hind legs, but with pain killers I have kept him going for over 2 yrs. But just lately I have noticed that he is going down hill faster than I would like. I have made a descion which is the hardest I have had to make in a very long time. This weekend I am going to have Kea put to sleep. It is my love that I am doing this, but it hurts so much, my heart is aching. I have been blessed to have had him for 17 wonderful years, he was a child to me, (coz I could never have children), I lost Kea's sister 3 yrs ago, it was rather sudden, and I am still not over that. My husband says that this is hurting me so much now, coz I never had a chance to say my goodbyes to Elsa. I agree with him in alot of ways. Collies have a life span of about 10 to 13 yrs so I should feel so blessed that I had Kea longer.

I am feeling so alone even now and I still have him. I have been taking care of him for so long that I dont know what I am going to do after he is gone. I do have 3 other dogs, 2 seniors and a puppy. And I know that they will need me after Kea is gone, as I am going to have Kea put to rest here in my home so that the other dogs will know that he is gone.

I am asking you all to please pray for Kea so that he has a peaceful passing, and on his way to the Rainbow Bridge to be with his sister Elsa. And to pray for me that the pain wont be so harsh. I havent been able to stop crying since I made this descion a week ago. I am waiting coz this is when my husband will be here with us all.

I plan on taking Kea out for a car ride as he loved that so much, and a sit in the park, and finally a small ice cream cone. And then spend the last night with him in my arms. He cant see me in tears at that time. And lots and lots of pictures.

I got a kick out of watching Kea drinking water, always going to the other side of the dish and lapping on the edge of the dish.

Taking Kea for a walk and having him leashed up with the end of the leash around my neck coz he would never run from me.

When I was sleeping and he would jump on the bed and cuddle up to me around the head of the bed. And waking up with doggy breath breathing in my face lol.

Looking at butterflies on a flower, how he would love to look at them.

Loved going in the car for rides, and always noticing who was there and making sure to let me know.

The way Kea would give me kisses.

When I am sitting at the computer, the way Kea twisted his body so that he could be right there around my feet.

When getting out of the shower you would see him get up from where he was laying just to come over and lick my legs.

The way he would let the postman drop mail in the box in silence and as soon as he saw the postmans back how he let out a bark, scared the postman.

Kea has changed so much since this awful Alzheimer's disease. Kea still knows me, but his manners have changed so much. He now pushes things that are in front of him, pushes things over that are in his way. Kea still knows his name. He has started chewing the sides of the house. He chews everything in site. If I am not there just about all the time, he would do so many things that would be damage. Pulled the flooring up in the kitchen, pulled the base boards off the walls. Tore the heating duct from the wall. He turned to distructive. I had to take the kitchen table and chairs away, coz he would turn them over, and was so scared that he would do that on himself if I wasnt there.

Kea would push ornaments on the floor, and push the plants around.

Kea changed so much in such a small amount of time.

Hubby keeps telling me that this is for the best, coz my health is going down hill coz I havent been taking care of myself while I was taking care of Kea.

The two of them will be together finally, I know that Elsa is there waiting for him. I am sure that Elsa has so much to tell Kea, that he will be made whole again, that he will be able to run and play like he did so many many years ago. And Elsa will tell Kea that what mommy had to do was from her heart. That she didnt want to see him go but she had to coz mommy loved Kea so much. And Elsa will also tell Kea, that mommy's heart is so broken inside, but that she will remember all the happy days. And that one day we will see each other again.

Hubby also told me that this it the greatest love that I can give to Kea, to release him from a life that has no meaning any more to him. And after about a month or so I really have to agree with him. Kea lost his quality of life, and I feel that I have been the selfish one to have kept him going. But I kept on thinking of what the Vet told me and that was that I would know it in my heart when it comes the time. And now I know it in my heart. But the pain is so harsh.

Thank you so much for listening to a broken hearted mommy. I need to take control of my feelings and not let Kea know how upset I am or it will be harder on him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

2 DAYS AGO, KEA MY BABY BOY IS GONE

(8/4/05 3:35 pm)

August 2/05

I just couldnt sleep much this morning just kept on waking up every 30 mins or so. By 9 am i phoned the Vet to make sure he would be coming over to the house at 12 noon to give Kea a seditive. He said that he would be over.

So with only 3 hours to go I tried to make the best of it with Kea. I took my morning shower and wanted Glenn to go out and get Kea from the back yard, so that he could come in and lick my legs as he had done so many many times before when I come out of the shower. His soft tongue flowed across my legs to catch the water dropplets. He loved doing that. Then he put Kea back outside so that he wont see how upset I was. Getting dressed was a real chore this morning, just didnt want the hours and minutes to come.

I wanted to get out side to get some really good pictures of Kea and myself and also with Glenn. We took pictures in the house in the front yard and on the deck. We took pictures for about an hour just to have as many as I could get in that span of time.

I come back in for a bit and Kea was right behind me. Kea wanted to follow mommy around. I gave him some fresh water to drink and visited with his buddies Casper and Brandy and then he made his way to the dog house, and that is where he stayed until the Vet come 15 mins later.

Dr. Bob looked at Kea the way he was following me and said that he still knows who you are, and with a tear in my eye I looked back at Kea and said that he will never forget who I am. Kea followed me right into the living room and there on the floor I had found one of my blankets that had rainbows on it, and there is where Kea layed down. Kea drank some more water, Dr. Bob asked me if I was ready, and with the saddness around me I said yes, I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs NO NO NO. But I had to think of Kea now, and not myself. And reluctantly I finally said yes that I was ready. I said as much as I wanted Kea to stay I wanted him to go to the Bridge to be with Elsa and the other furbabies. Dr. Bob gave Kea a sedative in his leg muscle and then he turned to me and said that if wanted to spend any more time with Kea this is the time to do it, coz he had given Kea a very heavy dose. I layed beside Kea, and he was getting sleepier by the second, and then he was just about in a coma like sleep within about 10 mins.. But before Kea went right under he gave me a few licks on the cheek as if to say THANK YOU.

Dr. Bob came back around 45 mins later and as I held Kea I could feel the life draining out of him. I held Kea when he took his last breath, I felt Kea's heart stopping. And all the while telling Kea what a good boy he was and then I told him that he would be with his sister Elsa again, and

that he should never ever forget that mommy loves him dearly. And that he is free now.

I have been totally numb since yesterday, not really knowing what to do. I have never loved a furbaby as much as I loved Kea. It feels like my whole world is empty.

I loved him so much I dont know what I will do without him by my side. I feel totally hopeless at the moment.

The Hero, The Song of the Sun, and Flowers of the Forest by Mike Oldfield

Gladiator - Now we are free by Enya

Old and Wise by Alan Parsons Project

A Spaceman Came Travelling by Chris de Burgh

This music was played for Kea in that hour that he first got the sedative to the end. And Old and Wise was playing at the last.

Old and Wise

As far as my eyes can see

There are Shadows approaching me

And to those I left behind

I wanted you to Know

You've always shared my deepest thoughts

You follow where I go

And oh when I'm old and wise

Bitter words mean little to me

Autumn Winds will blow right through me

And someday in the mist of time

When they asked me if I knew you

I'd smile and say you were a friend of mine

And the sadness would be Lifted from my eyes

Oh when I'm old and wise

As far as my Eyes can see

There are shadows surrounding me

And to those I leave behind

I want you all to know

You've always Shared my darkest hours

I'll miss you when I go

And oh, when I'm old and wise

Heavy words that tossed and blew me

Like Autumn winds that blow right through me

And someday in the mist of time

When they ask you if you knew me

Remember that You were a FRIEND of mine

As the final curtain falls before my eyes

Oh when I'm Old and wise

As far as my eyes can see

I made sure that Kea had a good send off. I love Kea so much.

Kea's mommy's heart is breaking.

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I lost my sweet little Elsa girl April 4/02

I will never ever forget you.

My Last Two Days

APRIL 2nd 2002 1ST DAY

I jumped up on Mom's bed the last time I was at home.

But I didnt feel to good, all I wanted to do was to

lay there. I wanted to be with Mom so badly. I wasnt

feeling the way I usually did when I was on the bed.

No rough housing this night for me. I tried to tell

Mom that I wasnt feeling to good. But she didnt

understand me. So I just put my head down and tried

to relax, but I couldnt do that either. My chest hurt

me and Mom didnt understand me. Mom came over to me

and patted my head and rubbed my ears, I loved that

when she rubbed my ears. Mom jumped into bed with me,

and I guess wanted me to be myself. Mom held me in

her arms, and kissed my muzzle, Oh how I loved it when

she did that. I loved Mom so much. I wanted to be

with her for a long time. But I know that Mom didnt

allow me to sleep on the bed. So I eased my body off

the bed, Mom had to help me this time. And then I

went to my bed, and fell asleep. But before I fell

asleep I heard Mom talking to Glenn, I like him. And

Mom was really worried about me. And Glenn suggested

that they take me to see the Vet in the morning. I

had a very uncomfortable sleep. I wanted to be with

Mom so bad, but you know Moms rules about dogs on the

bed at night.

Well morning came soon. And both Glenn and Mom

took me to the Vet. They weighed me, and I couldnt

keep all fours and I colapsed on the floor, so Mom had

to bend down and pick me up, I like the way mom had

her arms around me. She set me on the examination

table and put her arm under my head, it felt so good

to have her there for me. She kept telling me that I

was a good girl, and that she loved me. And then she

kissed my muzzle, it felt so good. Then Dr. M came in

and touched me with her gentle hands, she didnt hurt

me at all. I could hear the Dr and Mom talking and

what the Dr said to Mom really got her upset. The Dr

told her that I was dying. All I could do was to hear

mom start to cry, I wanted to comfort her but I

couldnt raise my head up. I was so weak. But Mom

just held my head and brushed my head, I didnt like to

see her cry. Then the Dr told me that my heart was

racing to fast and they were going to give me

something so that I wouldnt burn my heart out. The Dr

was so gentle with me. The Dr carried me into this

strange room, and they put some sort of apron around

themselves, and then this sound came that I have never

heard before. It was a humming sound. They told Mom

that they had taken X-Rays of my chest, and that they

had to take more. I wanted to be back home with my

other furry friends. But I couldnt get up and run

home. Then there was a buzzing sound, around my paw,

it didnt hurt at all. And there were other people

around me too. They were so good to me. Then there

was a young girl that carried me back to the room

where Mom was in, I looked up to her and she was still

crying. I wished that she wasnt feeling so badly. I

wanted to comfort her. But she comforted me instead.

The Vet came into the room about 2 minutes later, and

told Mom that they had to do more X-Rays and then mom

picked me back up in her tender arms, I felt so safe.

And she brought me back into that room where all the

people were in and they took more pictures of my

chest.

I didnt want mom to let me go. Her arms were so warm.

then mom turned and walked back to the room, I didnt

want her to go away and leave me there. But I didnt

have the strength to get up and go with her. My legs

just didnt want to move. Mom was waiting for the Dr

to come in and tell her some good news but the look on

the Dr's face I knew that it was bad news. She told

mom that I was going to stay for a little while. Mom

stayed for as long as they would let her. Then they

looked at me and petted my back, and started an IV in

my leg, I never moved at all when they did that. It

didnt hurt me at all. Then they put me in a cage,

with a warm towel, the floor was heated I know that.

It felt so good. But not as good as Mom's touches.

APRIL 3rd 2002 2ND DAY

The next day was so special for me, they took me

outside for the first time since mom brought me in,

and it felt good to feel that cool breeze in my face.

But I was still so weak, that they had to carry me

back in. Mom come to see me that morning too. And she

sat on the outside of the cage, with the door open in

the morning, and I licked her face. She had been

crying, I could tell from her eyes. I tried to

comfort her and licked her in the face again. I

wanted to go with her, back to see Kea my brother and

my lover Brandy, and of course Casper. But mom

wouldnt let me come out of the cage. She left for a

little while but come back soon after. When mom come

back she opened my cage door and sat in with me. I

put my head on her lap. And she spoke to me in her

gentle voice, and told me that I was a good girl, she

rubbing my ears. I liked that. She leaned down and

kissed my muzzle over and over again. I knew that she

knew something that I didnt know. But as we were

sitting there, she told me that I was very sick, and

that I might not be coming home with her. I didnt

like to hear that. I looked right into her eyes. She

told me again that if I needed to go I could do that,

she was crying as she was saying that to me. I loved

my mom so much. I didnt want to see her crying, I

picked up my head as much as I could, with the help of

mom's hand under my chin. I licked her face, I licked

her tears away. She smiled down to me. And just at

that time that she looked down to me, I made sure that

she could see my tail wagging a bit. Mom smiled when

she saw that. Then I crossed my front paws and she

smiled at that too.

I know that Mom will miss me terribly when I do

go, but I just cant seem to keep going on. I know

that mom will still love me when it is my time. She

will be sad for a long time to come, but one day I

know that she will be able to smile and say that

I(mom) still love my sweet little girl and that she

will know that I had to leave her.

I kept licking mom's face, I wanted her to know

that I loved her so much. She was sitting with me,

and my head on her lap, I felt so close to her. I

loved the feeling of her hands on my ears and under my

chin and also her kisses. I love mom so much. I just

dont want her to hurt when I do go away from the

family. But I will be waiting for her and the others

when it is there time to come to me.

Then mom had to leave as the Vet came and told

her that they were going to be closing. And that she

had to leave. Mom knealed down over me and kissed me

on my head and my muzzle again. I could tell she

didnt want to leave for some reason. I got up on my

feet and wanted to leave with her. But mom knows best

she told me that I had to stay here so that I could

get better. But I think that mom knew in her heart

that I wasnt going to come home. Mom backed away from

the cage as I noticed tears starting to come back in

her eyes. She told me Elsa I love you my sweet girl,

you be a good girl and do what they tell you and we

will see each other again soon. I could see in her

eyes and hear it in her voice that she was trying to

be brave and strong for herself and for me. She come

back to the cage and told me again if I had to go it

was okay with her and that she understood if I did

have to go. I looked at mom as best as I could and

then that was the last time I saw my mommy.

Through the night I was in pain, my chest started

to hurt, and I went back to what mom had said to me,

about letting go. And I knew that this was the night

that I would go. My heart started to beat slower and

slower and then it was over. I was at peace with no

pain in the end. Now I am running around and playing

with Mommy's other pet dogs that she has had in her

life. I am now happy that I can get on my feet again.

This is so much fun, but I can hardly wait for Mom to

get here too.

ONE DAY I KNOW THAT THIS WILL HAPPEN AND WE WILL BE

HAPPY AGAIN. I will wait for Casper, Brandy, my big

brother Kea, and mommy too.

APRIL 4TH 2002 NOW I AM AT REST.

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KEaelsa,

Those were some beautiful postings, Kea and Elsa's Mommy......I couldn't even read every word of each of them, I was crying so hard, for you, for your babies, for all of us who love our furbabies so. I'm so very sorry for your losses and your pain - I know how impossibly hard it is to believe they're 'gone' from our physical lives. Please check out some of my postings, if you like, for some comfort and understanding on the ADC's forum on this site, where I mention my own beloved furboy. And if you need more help, see Lightning Strike's animal loss site for more support than you could imagine! God bless, you and your beloveds. And of course, if you'd like to chat here about it, let me know!

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Keaslea,

What a beautiful and sensitive posting. It brought tears to my eyes having lost some of my furchildren. It's obvious how much you both loved each other. You know all our children are waiting for us to cross the Rainbow Bridge together.

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Thank you all for the responses. After considering it I have decided to wait at least a year. Grief is an extremely important process and shouldn't be rushed under any circumstances. A new dog could take my mind off her but that wouldn't really seem like I loved the her. If I were to do that, it would be more like she was a toy to my which she most certainly was not. Once again thanks for the help!

Jake,

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I lost my dalmatian on Tuesday. My husband and I are devastated. He was young and they don't know what happened to him. He was fine at 6am and gone by noon. They think it was a neurological disorder but we feel robbed. I feel bad for my poor puppy. I can't help but think I should've stayed home with him in the morning... I just thought he had a stomach virus like the last time when the vet told me to fast him....my Husband went home to check on him 3 hours later and he couldn't walk. 1 hour later he stopped breathing on his own in the Animal Emergency room - they had to start breathing for him. I never got to say goodbye while he was coherent...I want one more snuggle and I want to tell him I'm sorry. We rescued him from a shelter and before that he lived on the streets - I only hope the last 9 mos. of his short life were happy - that was all the time we got to spend with him and now he is gone. One second here the next in heaven and we're lost, confused and broken-hearted. I don't think this sadness will ever leave me. My Husband and I are set to move from our area soon and my Paddington was going to be part of our future. I feel if I leave this place I leave the memories of him with it and the guilt is consuming me. Does this ever get better?

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Dear Sadkupe,

My sympathy to you in the loss of your dear furbaby, Paddington. It is never easy, no matter what the circumstances or reasons of these dear one's transitions. Sudden loss carries its own extra stresses, too and you could stand to do some reading up on that to help you cope as well. I know it can be almost impossible, but try to keep in the back of your head as you're grieving, that you DID give him a loving home, and in fact, made the last leg of his earthy journey much better, ending up with someone who cared so about him. Although sudden loss is so hard on those left behind, at least take some comfort from knowing he didn't linger as painfully as some do. Tell him NOW of your anguish and regrets - he'll hear you still, as many of our furbabies 'hang around' us until they think we can cope better with their crossing. If you notice any signs, however small, of him around you, welcome them, don't discount them and thank him for still checking on you. Try not to worry about leaving him behind when you move, as spirit isn't at all limited in the ability to be anywhere at any time. His spirit WILL accompany you to wherever you go, wherever you are when you're thinking about him.

Yes, it will get better, but naturally it will take time to go through the grief process, up and down, in and out....it's a PROCESS, not a quick 'fix'. For many of us, the sadness becomes another aspect of our earthly lives, but one that we slowly learn to cope with, not get rid of completely. I'm into my 5th year of missing my boy and although I function well enough, as with any death, I can still be back in that last moment at the drop of a hat, although not as intensely. You can no more forget the pain as you can the love, but with patience for yourself, the love can balance the pain in time.

There are many sites dedicated only to animal grief and I would encourage you to check some out, as they offer a wealth of support, knowledge and advice for a grief that isn't usually acknowledged as readily, if at all!, as human death. Try Lightning Strike or Animals In Our Hearts, for two. May St. Francis lead you in your relationship with Paddington and help you to know he's only a thought, or a tear, away.

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I just found this place. I lost my beloved Golden, Sumner a year ago come 8/29. Tomorrow is the day last year he collapsed and we began the nightmare. Though I have loved all my furkids, Sumner was a part of my soul, he was truly a child of my heart-we had such a deep connection-he was a part of me from the moment we laid eyes on each other. I have no human kids though I loved him as deeply as I would have had he been human. he was an old soul, so wise, so gentle, so intuitive. When he got sick at just over 9 years old, the vets only told us he needed thyroid meds, when really he was suffering and dying, I found out after from research of a canine cancer called hemangiosarcoma, which is called the silent killer because it is so hard to detect and there is no cure. He suffered so much in the end, and we were frantic not knowing what to do and it was horrible and it happened so fast. I feel like I should have done more, but what? I've posted a page about the cancer to inform other puppy parents, I hope its ok if I share it here. I vowed that I would enlighten as many people as I could about this cancer. The site is http://www.geocities.com/peacdolls/hemaware.html.

This year has been so hard, though I've had signs from him. I know this week I am entering into now, the first anniversary is going to be the hardest of all. it seems I lose everyone I love to cancer, my parents (my mom died at 53, back in 89 when I had just turned 22, ironically the anniversary of her passing is 9/29, exactly a month after Sumners and my first Golden, Micky who I also lost to cancer, his date is 8/31. I don't know whether I prefer all these things clustered together or not.)My father, who was/is alcoholic, chose to not be a part of my life anymore, he became homeless and last I heard had terminal cancer too. I don't know now if he is alive or not. I guess this part should be going under parent loss.

Anyway, I feel like I have lost my capacity to love, I've built a wall since losing Sumner, it's almost like I can't bear to love so deeply again because they all get taken from me too soon.

I have to stop for the tears now, thanks for allowing me this space.

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Swede1,

Thank you for your kind words and advice. It has been a few days now and I am starting to feel better. At first when I thought of him I could not picture his face and that was truly bothering me. I think part of me just wanted to move on ...right now...but as you said it is a process and you can't. I used to cry all day and now it has slowed down a bit and I see him in my thoughts and smile when I think of him. This weekend, the first weekend since his passing, has been hard as the weekends were dedicated to him. I walked down to his dog park and his favorite lake and took some pictures. I also went on dogster.com to read stories from other dalmatian owners and cheered me up to see happy dalmatians and owners together.

I want to thank you again for taking the time to read this and offer some advice. Your words about moving made me feel better and I just hope it is true that he is with me no matter where I go.

Thanks again.

Slowly healing,

sadkupe

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Arielle,

I am so very sorry for your loss. My dalmatian suddenly died Tuesday leaving me with no answers to what took him. Anyway, I know the pain you are going through and I am so sorry. I am also very sorry that you have had to deal with so much loss in so little time. I understand the fear of loving another animal/human again only to lose them but I think love and being loved is all that truly keeps us alive...what else is there really to live for? I can tell from your post you are hurting and I wish I could reach out and give you a hug. I don't know what the right words to say except I'm sorry and I'm thinking of you.

-Sadkupe

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I feel like I have lost my capacity to love, I've built a wall since losing Sumner, it's almost like I can't bear to love so deeply again because they all get taken from me too soon.

Arielle,

Oh, you've had quite a time with losses(!) and I feel for you. I understand the fear you speak of, too, of loving again and losing again. It's a dreadful state of mind, and heart, to be in. I've experienced the same thing this past year and a half, after losing my Mother and brother close together...but this followed the loss of my furboy (cat) 5 years previous. With losses too close, I think it compounds those fears of losing everyone you love. I've found I too often haven't been able to feel my love for my remaining furbaby the same way I always had, and so then also suffered from guilt, that she wasn't GETTING the same quality of love from me as I'd always been able to give before. It tears me up inside, and I've been working hard on helping myself in every area I can think of, to mend this, for HER sake, if not my own. Many times I have to try to just stay in the moment of enjoying her (the way I used to be able to do) w/o thinking about when she might be leaving, too. It's not easy. When you're surrounded by too many passings, it's often almost impossible to think of anything else. Once your innocence is lost, you can't get it back, but have to find ways that work for your own individual self, to find some kind of acceptance, possibly of death being just another experience of the spirit, and maybe nothing more than that. At least that's what I'm trying to do with this. For me, this has meant a search for faith, in something I'm comfortable with, something that FEELS true or truer for me, something I've never had before in any great measure. I just hope I have enough time left to find what I'm looking for inside myself, before I have to go through this again.

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Thanks Sadkupe and Swede.

Swede, I know exactly what you mean. I have two furbabies now, one who we had with Sumner and one who we got this year but I feel like I am not able to give them the love they deserve, and yes, there is the guilt over that.

I'm sorry to both of you for your losses. I would never wish this sort of feeling on anyone.

In talking with my coach last week she did ask me what I had faith in and I could think of very little. So I have been trying to revisit that, but it's going to take some time, as you said. It's not done overnight.

Sending you both big hugs, and thanks again.

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Arielle,

Glad that helped some. Also, you could check out the ADC's forum here, as animals are often BETTER at visiting us afterwards than even humans are, and the site Lightning Strike, for even more discussions about their loss AND ADC's from them. If you know what to look for, you'll see more signs of their continuing love for us, and this should help you, too.

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I wanted to see if anyone else has experienced what I have.

Our dog Eddie was 16 and had been getting sicker last month when my vet recommended I take her to the Humane Society to have her put to sleep and they would do the cremation also. They were great with everything, they came out and told me when she was gone, hugged me and gave me back her leash.

It felt empty when we went home.

The next morning they called to tell me that Eddies ashes were ready to be picked up. On the way home, I really felt her presence in the van. And since then, it has actually felt like she has been here in the house. I know this sounds weird, but I knew where she was, if she was sleeping on the chair, in the kitchen, or each night she would be in bed waiting for us.

We decided that we would scatter her ashes at my parents house, because she always liked going out there to snoop and chase rabbits & birds etc. when she was younger. I was not real eager about it because of the presence I felt. I guess I was afraid that feeling would be lost once we scattered them, and if we did it here at home, she would still be here.

Well, we scattered the ashes this past weekend and I no longer feel her presence except in my heart.

I have taken the loss pretty well up to this point, but I really miss her now.

I have decided it was one of three things. Either I really did feel her presence and as long as we kept her ashes packaged up, her spirit could not move on. Or, her spirit is now at my parents house. Or, I was psychologically substituting her ashes for her and now that they are gone, she is gone. I saved the bag the ashes were in so that any remaining dust will be here close to me and it is on my shelf above my computer right now. But, it is not the same.

Has anyone ever felt this same sort of thing?

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ScottyT,

I am so sorry for your loss. I did not experience what you experienced. However, I would not question it - if you felt your Eddie near you after he left you - I would just cherish it. My Paddington was a week shy of his second birthday when he suddenly passed from a mystery disease. That was almost a month ago. I cried for a few days and then I sorta was ok with it..laughing at memories of him. My husband even made me a picture book and I cried but I was ok. However, the last couple of days have been hard. I still miss him so much. I hope things get easier for you and know that you gave Eddie 16 great years.

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Last Saturday evening (Sep[t 10)I found my 4 year old cat Eliot dead on the floor in the house...He showed no signs of sickness although he had a heart murmur since he was a kitten. I can't tell you what I went through in finding his warm, limp body - I couldn't stop screaming and crying. At my tender age of 49 he was the first animal I've had as an adult..( not sure who had who!) I was alone at the time, my partner having left awhile earlier.

Eliot was a big cat, and loved to go everywhere with me. He was extremely sociable and we did everything together when I was at home..

The house is so empty without him. I kept him with me all night on my bed . My partner built him a pine coffin the next day and we buried him in the yard (I live in the country) after some loving tributes and thank you\'s. He is now between the horse chestnut and pine trees where he liked to run and hide in the grass. It is a comfort to have his grave nearby where I can go visit, reflect and mourn. Every day of his life I told him "Eliot you are the best pussycat in the WHOLE world and I love you so Much!"

I hope he knew it. What I didn't know was how very much I needed him .

I miss him so much and wonder if I can ever love another pussycat as much, or if I can find one who was so perfect for me...

Thanks for listening.

Ruth

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Ruth009,

I am so sorry about your dear little kitty cat. I have a little Boston Terrior that we have had for 11 years and we now are seeing signs of aging and we are all sad that her time could be coming.....I just tell all the kids to "love her up more"....I tell her everyday....."you are the best puppy dog in the whole wide world and I love you"....She laid on my husbands lap when he passed on and when we were at the funeral home we held her up to my husbands casket and she shed a tear.....so, I totally understand how you feel about your beloved pussycat....her spirit lives on!

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Ruth,

I am so sorry for the loss of your child. They are our children and it is so hard to say goodbye to them. A few months after my husband died, our yellow lab died. Not wanting our chocolate to be alone I went to the shelter and rescued a border collie mix who has so many personality traits of our yellow. Now my chocolate after all these years has separation anxiety and I'm just so concerned about her. My yellow had a fast growing cancer and I'm so afraid that maybe she's very sick and I'm missing it but the vet (who is excellent) assures me it's just really separation anxiety. I wonder if her anxiety is also coming from missing her daddy and brother.

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As I'm sitting here right now, my precious cat of 19 years is dying. I have been crying for 3 days. She has been getting thinner over the last couple of months, but she has always been a small cat, especially in the summer months. She had started having trouble with her back legs a few weeks ago, and I attributed it to arthritis since she is so old. Then about 4 days ago she stopped eating, even though I tempted her with everything. But she continued to drink water. Two days ago she stopped drinking and she went into the closet and hid behind a stack of clothes. She came out yesterday, barely able to stand, weaving and wobbling, and is now laying in the bathroom against the wall, on the carpet. She doesnt seem to be in pain, and only "meows" when someone goes in to check on her and talks to her, and its a very faint meow. Her breathing is very shallow and she hasnt moved since last night. I thought about taking her in to have her put down, but I just cant bring myself to do it. As long as she doesnt seem to be in pain, I would rather let her die at home so we can bury her in the back flower bed where she loved to lay in the sunshine. I am so sad I cant hardly function and the tears just keep coming.

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Thanks so much to Laura and Honeybunny for your kind words. It\\\\\\\'s good to know people understand.

Right now the heavy ache has settled into my chest. I know about grief and its agenda...but its hard to just let it happen.

Kadybear....This is a very very hard time for you. It must seem so unreal.

I work with dying people and I know there comes a point at which remaining loved one needs to give permission to their beloved to go. Perhaps this would help you...and your beloved cat to a peaceful ending.

I am so glad you had 19 years together. I know you will find courage and

strength for each step ahead. Thinking of you....Be gentle with yourself.

Ruth

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Thanks so much to Laura and Honeybunny for your kind words. It\\\'s good to know people understand.

Right now the heavy ache has settled into my chest. I know about grief and its agenda...but its hard to just let it happen.

Kadybear....This is a very very hard time for you. It must seem so unreal.

I work with dying people and I know there comes a point at which remaining loved one needs to give permission to their beloved to go. Perhaps this would help you...and your beloved cat to a peaceful ending.

I am so glad you had 19 years together. I know you will find courage and

strength for each step ahead. Thinking of you....Be gentle with yourself.

Ruth

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My little old lady "K.C." died at 4:30 this afternoon. She died peacefully. I wrapped her in a pretty yellow tablecloth and we buried her in the flower bed out back---her favorite place to lay in the sunshine every morning. I had her 19 wonderful years and I will never forget her. When I was talking to her today, I told her it was okay to go and I told her how much she was loved and what a good cat she was. Thank you for your kind words.

Vicki in Houston

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Kadybear...I am so sorry about your lady "K.C." And, thankful she "passed" in peace. I know you will spend the night crying and that is o.k. Remember, she is in kitty heaven.

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Kadybear,

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved K.C.

I hope and pray you will find comfort and strength for each step ahead.

Grief is exhausting and has its own timetable. Please be gentle to yourself.

It is wonderful that she lived such a full, rich life, thanks to your devoted

and tender care.

Ruth

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