Loss of an Adult Child

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[ericasmom]

Born

Born in the year of the Rat

or

Born under the sign of the Ram

and still another view

Born to me like a song bursting forth-

She insisted on life her way

And fought the expectations

In lieu of flowers

Share laughter

[ericasmom]

For parents new to this loss, read some Elizabeth Kubler Ross just to help you see that others have stood in this place and the stages you find yourself are recorded. We stand with you.

Another poem from me-

EKR

Elizabeth Kubler Ross where are you when we need you,

as we try to figure out a way to pull one limb at a time from this stage,

and progress to the next?

None of them pretty, the stages I mean,

all of them promising the roller coaster of emotions,

all of them lead to the end.

And so the outcome, Sweet Elizabeth,

is repeated over and over again,

just as you predicted,

just as you taught,

and we so wish we never had to put it into practice.

But we are grateful for your promise of acceptance and assimilation

as it does one day come.

So you were there all along Elizabeth,

in between the pages of my old psychology books and now all those books on grief,

waiting for us to come back and read again,

in our newest iteration as parents of lost children.

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you, Dee.....for sharing the books....and then...the gift of sharing your heart poems....they touched a spot today...loved both of them...I am in a thankful place for all that gave for our liberty and freedom...I am not in the place for Bar-B-Que or picnic or.....even boiling water...how I dread the dog and pony show I have to put on when we have any holiday....so....am cocooning today....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Mermaid Tears]

Now that is a good idea...to have a 'safe' place...in the photo I posted are ''my boys"...Jason, John David holding Jeremy, Jesse and Aaron...after John David passed....(so hard to use the word 'died' still)...Jesse suggested I see a Grief therapist...I thought about it but then ....I knew that no one could know what it was like to lose a John David....now I think (after being on this site) that it could have been a door to go through....this forum has been as good, if not better, than having a session....for I can come here and read and vent whenever I am hitting a slick spot....if I had not found this site....I do believe I would have found one...just to be sure I wasn't abnormal....or going past a point of no return. Thanks to all on here that have made a path...in the dark....being numb and cocooning are very, very normal.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[ericasmom]

I go back to my therapist for months at a time when I go through a rougher patch, like now. BUt in the beginning, I went to Karen at the 6 month mark, just when I found this place and both places helped me immensely, and still do.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee...you shared your story of going to see Eri....I do know that many can relate...but find comfort in that you do 'share' your journey..you must be 'all over the place' some days with emotion....having Erica in your arms...and holding Eri in your heart....you being the teacher of children...and here...our teacher of keeping the Faith...having Hope...and how to see the rainbow in the rain of tears down our faces..and yet...there you are...caring for that young soldier's grave...and giving him a flower....you are a very, very Special Angel flying too close to the ground....

[Mermaid Tears]

I used the Grief counselor more earlier on before I knew about this forum. I guess the forum offers me more immediate response which I like with some very good people here. Also there are some days when I can not go in public because I am in such despair from the grief...so I hide.

I was fortunate to find this particular grief counselor. My grief counselor had lost her husband (not real long ago), her mom and an infant boy. So if someone were to go see a counselor, I think it needs to be a person who has firsthand knowledge of grief and what it is like. Otherwise it just would not work because they have no idea the horror you are living. Also, her and I knew a lot of the same people socially which was odd because our paths always seem to miss each other just slightly.

I am thinking about visiting my Jesse yet today...I am not sure...

Yesterday a special thing happened. My sister's friend who is a nun offered to light a candle and pray for our family in the special healing room at Holy Hill. Holy Hill is a church that was built on a spot in southern WI that has long been known for miracles. People and clergy are always praying in the candle room. If I can get down there soon I will light a candle there for everyone in this forum for remembrance and healing. I have always liked visiting this area before, it is very calming and peaceful to the soul.

I learn so much...thank you for thinking of all of us....it sounds like a place of quiet and healing....

[daveydow1]

Lora----My kitty, "Misty", is doing pretty good. She used to throw up quite

often when I first got her,...vet said to give her a laxative because he thinks

it is caused by hairballs. I tried giving small feedings and that helped too.

I'm glad that your kitty is improving.

Colleen----Thanks for the lovely pic of the old covered bridge. So nice

to see these old structures. One in our area was nicely restored...then

vandals set it on fire...causing quite a bit of damage, not long after the

restoration was done. The culprits were caught and made to pay for

damages.

Dee----Thanks for the poems. We had killing frosts twice in the past

couple weeks. Really killed our grapes. Nice that you went to the cemetery

to visit ERz. We will have to wait until Memorial Day to place the flowers

on Dave and Lisa's graves (also my dad's), because there is a frost advisory

for tonightg again. It's supposed to get a bit warmer, and milder nights,

so we'll wait.

Kate-----

Good to see your post, and so nice that you and your husband

can do some of the things that you like to do. Sending prayers.

PEACE AND COMFORT TO ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Guest]

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[Mermaid Tears]

Becky, what a wonderful story on your fight for justice and your boy Jared. I am sorry that someone would make such comments.

Laurie, I ordered the book today. I know that Cara knew, so many things I can think of now. Even when she was little, she was so different, she loved unconditional and people were drawn to her. She lived in her 18 years, so much more than I ever will. I also had a dream in Oct of 2011 that her boyfriend called and said that Cara hit a tree and our conversation, that was all I remembered, the conversation. I have not shared this with anyone because it bothers me. On the day of Cara's accident, June 13, 2013, her boyfriend called me and it was our exact conversation, word for word.

Susan, glad to see you have John David's picture up again. I have not seen a therapist or anyone either, not saying I never will but I, too, get so much from this forum.

Sandy, I am sorry to hear of the side affect from your medication, I hope you are well soon.

Colleen, thank you for sharing the picture of the covered bridge, beautiful.

Kate, you are truly inspirational, always helping others. So glad you are focusing on the here and now and enjoying life, I agree, the less important things can wait.

KeriD, I am so sorry for the loss of your son, Tony. I lost my 18 year old daughter, Cara in a car accident in June of 2012. As everyone has said so wonderfully, please continue to post and read. It has help me so much.

Sherry, glad Misty is doing well.

I stop and see Cara everyday, but this morning I took her flowers for Memorial Day. I bought plants and made up a planter for her. I used to do this for my gram when I helped her in her greenhouse. I hope we don't get another frost.

I still love to be alone, I am the most comfortable alone. My oldest used to be here on weekends but took a different job and has moved out. I never really saw him much if at all. It is just the cats and me. I only find comfort here. I am thinking of moving to a small place.

Thinking of you all. Have a good night.

I will go to the Memorial service tomorrow....I think of all the parents that are having a really hard time this week-end...and I just HAVE to go....but am not giving my 'gathering of people for cook-out and swim' this year....had a very, very quiet Sat. and Sunday.....I needed it after all the 'stuff' going on since the first of May....what you do for your 'girl'....is what you need to do....thank you for sharing that 'dream'....I have some 'things' that have happened...and I have not shared them..yet....like I told Laurie...I had something like 'messages'....I just need to be in a place where the emotions don't over power me...and I can relate ....

[Jeff's Mom]

Thank you Sherry, and everyone that have sent prayers and kind thoughts our way. As I grow older I now see that this learning journey has become more complicated. Nothing is as easy as it appears when we are younger. We had a very nice weekend. I kept busy with outdoor gardening tasks and we even managed a couple of visits to Jeff's bench. Oh, how I miss him. More then ever now as I so need to be able to talk to him as we once did. I still do...but of course it is not the same. He showed true concern for his dad and myself. We start the full chemo round this week again. I bought him a lightweight glove to wear when he opens the fridge. The cold sends a pain through his hand and fingers from the drugs. We both laughed when he started to wear it. The weather was definitely iffy all weekend. Then when everyone from the city left to go home the sun came out. We sat on our patio for ages just soaking up the rays and enjoying the sounds of the birds. It was blissful. I know that this is a special holiday your way. I also know how hard it is to try to find a sense of direction shortly after we lose a special love in our life. The common thread is that we all know that life has been changed. That we will and must be called upon to find strength within ourselves to keep going. And at the beginning we often wonder why we should even try. Life is not the same without them. How could it be? As I walked through the path this weekend I found myself in deep reflection upon the true meaning of all of this. I finally allowed myself to take a step back and just give myself up to the master plan. To be grateful for each and every blessing and the beauty that surrounds me. Yes, even in death there are signs of great encouragement. I won't kid you. I do not choose to walk this path. Do any of us really have a choice? it is up to us how we take what we are given and use it for the greater good. My time spent with my son was so precious. Cut short far too soon. Now I watch as my husband is slipping weekly. It's hard. I always thought we would grow old together. I am so grateful for the years we have shared. The thought of living my life without him is unimaginable. And that is why each and every minute that we now have is so special. HAIKU... My roof was once firm...yet now it cannot even keep the stars out. There is a long avenue where I once lived. A street lined with tall leafy trees arched in a canopy that formed a sort of protection. Along this street I would pass a house that had a sign over the archway leading down the path. I know many of you are familiar with these words. "One journey...many paths." All leading to the same end. Sending best of thoughts to my American friends on this special weekend. Love to all, Kate

[Sholl1955]

Today has been a tearful day. I never have liked to cry and now the tears come so easily and sometimes so forcefully. I know why today as Memorial weekend was THE big weekend of the year for our family . This year I am missing both of my girls. I know everyone struggles on holidays and my heart is with each of you too.

Sandy

[ericasmom]

One Journey, Many Paths.

Yes, have heard this before and have always loved the phrase. It is so.

Love the haiku. Haiku is one of the prettiest forms of poetry.

Kate, unimaginable indeed, and so don't try right? Living in this moment instead so that all the moments together shine through the skies.

Sherry, too bad about the frost killing the grapes. Is there no saving them? Can there be another batch? Today the cool weather made way to a bit warmer weather and some rain fell lightly this evening. Tomorrow, high 60's and up from there. I took a nice bike ride in the late afternoon. It felt so good to stretch my body and my thoughts peddling along the avenues. Many people out of town for this holiday weekend, the streets were quiet and very little weekend traffic. Yesterday I went to the farmers' market in town, lovely to be there again. It is in a church parking lot every Saturday from May through October. I bought a couple of things as Room Parent Gifts. Glad that Kitty is doing better.

I have been busy on my report cards and trying to figure out the end of the school year. It is so early this year but I don't understand why. Why end in May and begin in August? Especially when most of our districts buildings are not air conditioned? Oh well.

Susan, what a sweet thing to say, thanks so much. I had a bit of a melt-down yesterday. My husband reminded me that each year right about now, I struggle with both the end of the school year, saying good-bye to my students is never easy...and preparing for our mid-summer anniversary. This year is definitely tricky, all of them have been but this year is #10! How can this be? Susan, how is your Husband doing?

Lori, I had dreams too, 4 of them, one in April, 3 in May of that same year, 2003. Somehow, we had a vision through our dreams, but we could not know that it was something about to happen. I am glad that you are able to talk about it here, it helps to release some of the intense events to others who may have had similar experiences. I do believe that several of us had dreams about our Child being hurt or dying.

I totally get your feeling about being alone, in that space you have time to just be you, no pretenses, no obligations for that little bit of time.

[ericasmom]

Sandy, how are you feeling as far as the reaction to the meds? I hope you are getting better. I know that you are missing both of your girls so much. I am holding you close Sweetie, wishing only peaceful events to take place from here on out. Goodness knows you should have a peaceful time-that you are long overdue.

Blessings

Brenda, are you out there and if so, are you okay?

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[shellykut]

Good Morning Indigos - it has been quite a while since I've posted. I've been reading most days and want you all to know I think of you each day. I've been feeling myself spiral down in the last few weeks and can only attribute it to the time of year. This is about the time Sarah relapsed and the nightmare began.

Laurie - your story of the conversation with Jesse David is haunting. Forgive me for using that word but I can't imagine how that made you feel. You and Lora shared a "premonition" that you each had. That has never happened to me so it's hard to imagine what that must feel like. Prayers.

Kate - prayers for you and your husband going into this next round of chemo, that these treatments will lead to healing and a better quality of life.

Sherry - the weather is wreaking havoc with your crops, is it? There are many things we can't control and the weather is certainly one of them...grrrrr!

Colleen - beautiful covered bridge! On my mail route I cross a covered bridge and each time I do, I secretly pretend I'm doing so on horse and buggy!

Sandy - prayers for your peace and for those two little grandbabies.

Dee - sorry you're feeling down...totally understandable and warranted. This is a tough one I'm sure! Prayers.

To all other Indigos, I pray you have a nice Memorial Day! Love, Shelly

[shorty16]

Jesse, David's mom

Ok, you made me laugh today.

No, you are not "totally nuts"

I hear that a lot on this site.

I, too read NDE books. The best are by Dr. John Lerma, a hospice doctor.

The stories are wonderful and filled with hope.

Love to you, Jessie. Have you come down my way yet?

Colleen, Brian's Mom 4ever

[ericasmom]

Shelly, so good to see your post today though I am sorry you are having such a heavy heavy heart---totally get it though. We walk beside you and hold your hands and heart as you go. THe calendar plays a big role in our lives, it is the marker by which we record our days before our sadness and since. Holding you and hoping you are able to come back and let us know how you are doing.

While I am at a time where I am working in therapy, it is not due to being horribly sad, it has more to do with PTSD. Yes, this time of year marks the anniversary march, that is hard each year, but PTSD just shows up whenever and I sometimes can use the tools I have learned over time, but sometimes need new tools, this is one of those times. It is good to have someone I trust so completely to see to help me. I went to her when Erica was born 29 years ago, to help me with the issues of abuse I suffered as a child. I went back to her over the years with different issues, then of course when Eri died and stayed for 2 years. AFter a few years, and several more losses of friends and folks, a young lady named Kathy was lost in the water in Alaska. She was working to foster the skills and hopes of native teens there. She and two co-workers went camping on Memorial weekend and they died together. She went to school with Jon and Eri, she was lost on this weekend 6 years ago. Her body not found until July. I then began having trouble with PTSD, just too many hits for my spirit and so I went back to Karen. Since then, I have gone back when I need to, get my worries out and sorted and get stronger for it.

Long may you run Kathy Dear, and long may your sweet spirit dance around your family.

[Mermaid Tears]

I am not going to attend the Memorial Services this year...I thought yesterday I could....I really 'took off' Saturday and Sunday....I have 3 dozen things to do...and I did not do anything. Nada. Was thinking this morning that maybe the word..'Memorial' touches us in places...even if our child did not die in service to our country....thinking of you, MikesDad....please know we so are in debt for your son's sacrifice...and yours....and have said a very special prayer for you today. My son, Aaron, left for Afghanistan in late August...while he was here for John David's Memorial....I asked.(begged) him to try to get out of the deployment...he is an Emergency Room Trauma Surgeon...and he said to me..."Mom..that is where I want to be...this is my gift...I can work my gift on so many..of those guys that are blown up...and they can keep their arms and legs...and I am not afraid. I need to be there". He had a deployment to Iraq..and when he came home....he was so torn...he wanted to be with his wife and boys....but he also wanted to be back in Iraq..to help the guys. He came home in February and then was here for Daniel's heart surgery...I had a full week with my boy....and he still says he would rather be in a combat zone...where his skills can help the most. He said he knows he needs to be with his wife and four sons, also. He has changed. He confided that he wonders if he could have saved John David if he had been at the hospital. I told him...I don't think anything could have saved him...and I do believe that with all my heart. I had this feeling that Aaron would think that. I am so glad we got to talk about it. I think a Mom knows what is on their child's heart and mind...no matter the age.

[ericasmom]

I echo Susan's words Mike's dad. And long may HE run as well.

Susan, here you are wondering why you have done nothing, nada, when in fact your heart and spirit are on overload. Daniel's surgery and subsequent care, your Boy in Afghanistan, and the grief of this loss, all winds up to zap energy. Perhaps rest is exactly what you needed this weekend. We don't rest the way we used to, so when your body wants it, let it happen.

[Mermaid Tears]

this was sent to me today....from my son, Jesse and his wife, Heather..they live in League City....Wyatt John's first dip in the pool...and Mama is getting all the 'sugar'.....

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[ericasmom]

Thanks Laurie, I am okay, just needing a tune-up so that it does not get out-of-hand.

Susan, lovely photos, handsome Son and Baby-man in the pool.

[Jeff's Mom]

Dee, hold tight. Times can be so very trying. Hope that you had a nice weekend with your family. How is that sweetie of yours doing? You have been so kind in offering your support to all of us. Please do take care of yourself. I mean it! Kate

[Guest]

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[ericasmom]

No worries Kate, I am fine, I have been back to therapy since late winter so this isn't new, just stubborn. I feel good, but get sideswiped sometimes by worry and anxiety. I will continue to say what I believe and that is that we find our way through the thickest of grief, sometimes not sure at all that we will, but the urging from our Heaven-Bound Child is what makes us take another step just when we were sure that giving up was better. We hear their hope and we see their light, shining just for the purpose of our finding our way. So we do, some days unsure as to why, other days grateful that we have, and each day knowing that we still have work to do here, that is why we are here.

I just went for a post dinner walk to my Son's home, stopped in as they asked me to come see a few friends of theirs and Eri's. So I sat down and had a bit of wine and visited and only walked there and back, not my usual post dinner mile. Oh well, it was a nice visit and my Pumpkin looked adorable as usual. Now the task is to finish my report cards, just three left. I can do it!

[Mom of Chip]

Susan...nice pictures. It is still a little cool to be in the pool here in North Texas..Weather's fine but the water's cold...

Don't worry about doing nothing. I haven't done much in the last 10 months. Clean house when it gets so bad I just can't stand it...I cleaned Chip's room about 3 weeks after he died..got all his clothes washed and things put away...cleaned his bathroom..and now I rarely go in there..but when I do, it's the same...no dust and everything is just the way I left it....I've got one bath room that really needs my attention, but we don't use it much so it will just have to wait until I get into the mood to clean it. Some days I can't even get up the energy to go buy groceries even though the pantry is about empty...Seems I can't get my ducks in a row....

Dee...sorry that you are feeling stressed. Take care of yourself...You are needed here.

Mike's Dad...thinking of you....Your son was such a brave man..making the greatest sacrifice for his country...and now he's up there watching over you.

Becky..good for you...You are one 'kick-ass' Momma.

Kate...keep on keeping on...you and hubby are having some good quality time together...hope things ease up for you.

I had to work today...I think working has helped me some. I don't spend as much time thinking about the what if's, why didn't I's...and the WHY WHY WHY....but on the way home today, I was a basket case.....tears streaming down my face....sometimes after a day at work it all piles up on me and I lose it.

I haven't been posting much lately...With working and then the grief road, too...seems I just can't get the words right...but I read every day..and your post bring me comfort and sometimes they bring back sad memories..but that's okay....If something causes me to vent and cry, I think it's because I needed it..it's part of the grief journey.

Thanks to all here......may your days ahead bring you peace.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[ericasmom]

Del, I was thinking of you last night and again today, wondering if you are okay. You are at that point my dear, where the ache adn pain just flows from you. Yes, work is a distraction, a way to stem that tide for a bit, but the drive home, as most of us here know, is a wet and wild ride. I often thought that I sounded like a coyote. Sounds from deep within making their way out, a howl on the prairie.

Know that we are with you as you find your way on this slippery pathway. We are here to pick you up when you fall. We all fall you know.

Report cards are finished. I am going to bed! Love to you all.

Lovely poem Laurie.

Lora, yes, getting it off your chest is important. I feel that way about things I post as well. that telling here is like telling family.

[Mermaid Tears]

Ok....Ok....more later...but each of you have reached out and touched me today....in just the way I needed....I will wake up tomorrow...with a grounded and erstwhile spirit....I promise you....because of you....Bless each of you.....and each of you know where I am now....

[Mike's dad]

Thank you all for your kind words. He was such a special boy, he always looked out for everyone else. I went and saw him for a little while today. He had quite a few flowers, a lot of them from friends he had in school.

My son Sean Michael has been here for almost four days now. Hes about a month early, and He's in NICU... his little heart is having a hard time keeping up. He's such a small guy, I was surprised the first time I held him.

They made me leave the hospital, I had to get some sleep. I've probably only had five hours of sleep since I've been home. My fiancé and our baby are still there. I miss them both. He's a good looking kid.

[ericasmom]

Welcome Sean Michael and may you know the love all around you.

Mike's Dad, I am sending off a hundred and one prayers for your Son Sean Michael to strengthen and get the help he needs from the experts.

Please Lord and Angels, send the care that will make Sean's heart work to keep him healthy and strong.

[Mermaid Tears]

Sean Michael...'we' have been waiting for you...now..'we' will be praying for you and your Mom and Dad....'we' will celebrate your arrival to your earth home...if they look close...there is a dusting of star dust and little nubbins where your wings were...(in your earth home..you will have to use your feet)...you are brand new but wise. Today we will offer gratitude to Him...with lots of laughter and giggles. Today we will have joy. Welcome.

Mikes Dad....many on here will agree with me....that our hearts are spilling over with an amazing amount of joy and thanksgiving for you and yours.

[Mermaid Tears]

Oh Del....so many will relate to your 'car story'.....I was in my car one day....and hollered 'John David' real loud....just as I use to when he was little....and wanted him to come to me...in fact..when he was in High School the girls would shout his name in the halls trying to mimic the way I would say his name...I say it in a 'southern way'....and they just got the biggest laugh about it. Maybe we feel we are in a little capsule.

I so agree with the 'get-r-done' issue.....for me...I have this ongoing little message that runs through my thinking...'what's the use?'...and I have to adjust my attitude to 'I will take care of it'....I hit some kind of wall on Saturday...and there was no amount of 'talking to myself' to get me up and going.....after Dee posted all that had been going on around me for the last 8 months....( I really had not taken that into account)....I was like...'oh yes'....I did need to rest....I do need to 'self care'....then Monday...I had lots of energy....but paced myself.

I, too, need the 'busy of work'....it gives me a marker...a North Star...

[Guest]

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[andy88]

Dearest Parents of Angels,

I like to stop by every now and then to say hello. Hello old friends! I sadly welcome all our new parents.

For those who don't know me, I lost my beloved only child, Andy, at the age of 22 to a drug overdose. He left us on 2/11/11. I still miss him every day, but I am learning to find meaning in life in the new normal. I have become very active in drug treatment organizations and movements. I am absolutely thrilled to let you know that we have finally passed a Good Samaritan Law in NC. What that means is that anyone who calls for help in an overdose situation will not be charged with any drug offense found at the scene. Most overdose victims were not alone when they died...they were left due to fear of prosecution if they called for help. My own son was one of those who were left. While it is too late for my boy, I pray that this will save someone else's child.

I have moved to a new house within the last year. I have a lovely, big yard where I garden and enjoy God's beauty. I used to love hustle and bustle, but now I relish quiet and peace, birds, butterflies, and nature. Funny how losing a child changes you so profoundly. I also lavish all my mother love on Andy's friends and their children. It lets me have grandmother moments that I so desire.

To all the new parents, I am so glad you found this site because you will find love, support, and hope here. These people saved my life!

Blessings to all with love,

Pam

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank You Andy's Mom....you just gave us all a 'gift and lift' with your posting...your courage to face grief in the face and let it be a catalyst to

'right a wrong'....or turn a bad path into a new direction. Many on here I call our 'guides'....for you light the dark journey...I know I am changing..I know I am in lock step to my 'new normal'....right now...I don't know 'what I will be' when I come out the other side....I know I don't want to be sad..bitter..critical...judgmental..or carry the numbness I have now...or the 'when is the other shoe going to drop'...or the way I want to avoid 'social settings'...it is just so damn hard.

You have moved to a new home....I was thinking the other day about the possibility of moving...but this is the place I can place him...he was here...I simply do not have enough courage to leave.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

I reported this last post to our moderator. Inappropriate, not a place for advertisements, unless it is something a grieving parent might suggest. Uninvited, unwanted, goodbye!

[Mermaid Tears]

This same 'ad' was posted some time ago...a couple of months...thanks for reporting....so trashy

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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[Guest]

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[ericasmom]

Hi Guys, just a fast note in order to keep up, at lunchtime Iread some of the posts, and want to answer some now and read more later and respond as I go.

Pam, so very nice to hear from you. I love that you have found working to change the laws for kids and adults in drug situations. WONDERFUL. I bet Andy, that bright star of yours, is shining ever bright from that new.

Lora, I did take a break for several months due to the PTSD, you are right, it was after Kathy disappeared in the water off of Alaska. I just had lost 5 or 6 friends, my ex was diagonosed with a deadly form of leukemia, and Kathy disappeared. I lost it and it was suggested to move away from the daily loss on the website. I did, it was important but came back because that was very important to me and remains so.

If y ou need a break for a while, do take it, many of us come back, some do not.

[Guest]

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[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

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