Loss of an Adult Child

[Guest msnher]

WOO-HOO FOR TREVOR!!! AND, FOR MICHELLE!!!

It's a reflection of your influence, Colleen! WOO-HOO FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Purple for victory!

Thanks, Dee.... :)

[ModKonnie]

Indigos

I called Trevor to see if he got his math test score back? He got an 88% on his geometry test. This kid had straight F's last year. OMG - I am speechless.

Colleen

Wow! Tell him we are proud of him! You are all doing a great job.

Konnie

[heartbeataway]

Indigos

I called Trevor to see if he got his math test score back? He got an 88% on his geometry test. This kid had straight F's last year. OMG - I am speechless.

Colleen

Great news! This will prove to him that he can do whatever he sets his mind too and works toward ...... and kuddos to you and your family Colleen! Doesn't it feel good to make a difference?

Congrats to Michelle too! Way to go! Do you stil have buttons on your blouse or have they all burst from pride?

[lolynbo]

LOCAL ARDMORE HIGH SCHOOL SENIOR DIES IN WRECK TODAY GOING TO SCHOOL...IVE HEARD THIS IS THIS FAMILIES 2ND CHILD TO DIE IN WRECK (S)...PLZ PRAY FOR THE ALYSSA PORTER 17 YEARS OLD FAMILY

[ericasmom]

I am so sorry Lor, just looked her name up with google and sure enough, she died this AM on her way to an early band practice. It said nothing about another in the family but each article was brief.

Prayers for the family and friends.

Colleen, what great news first about Michelle, and then a double with the good news of Trevors. Way to go KIDS!

Way to Go Parents!

[ericasmom]

anyone hear from Mary Anne? Where is she and is she okay?

[summergirl]

CONGRATS TO TREVOR AND MICHELLE !!

Lorri - Prayers to the family of that poor young girl....I just hate this so much......

Just saying hello to all and may you all have beautiful dreams tonight....Kathy

[summergirl]

Tavian feeding the ducks tonight - eating right out of his hand !!!

[summergirl]

OOps !!

[mysonrich]

I received an email from Mary Ann a couple months ago. She moved in with her sister, a neighboring state. Needed support system. Maybe she'll stop in, I emailed her.

Lorri, nice nails.

where in the world is Carmen San Diego? I mean Betty! aka Cleo.

so sorry to hear of those that teeter on the edge of that black pit. hang on, we're here.

kind of tired tonight. hope we all sleep well, at least for half the night.

[lolynbo]

IVE BEEN WONDERING ABOUT MARYANN ALSO...HOPE ALL IS WELL..

GOOD TAVIAN...HE HAS EVERYONE AT HIS FINGER TIPS...

KEEPN IT SHORTER THEN USUAL...LIL DOWN WITH THE SAD NEWS...THE FAMILY HAS JUST MOVED HERE..SHE WAS ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL SOUL..

[mikesmomrs]

Beautiful pic of Tavian, Kathy...thanks for sharing. Kathy, if you don't mind my asking, how is BJ doing? If it is not a subject you want to discuss, I will understand. Thinking about you as you house-hunt...praying you will find just the right place for all of you!

Colleen: Congrats to YOU and hubby, and then to Michelle and Trevor...WAY TO GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am sure your heart is bursting with pride...so glad for you and for them, that they have such good good influences in their lives!

Lor: Loved the pics of your mom and her look-alike granddaughter...so sweet! So sorry about the girl this morning. Will keep her and her family in my prayers. Locally, this past weekend, FOUR young people were killed in an auto wreck...alcohol and speed unfortunately were involved...it was reported they were doing nearly 100 when the crash occurred. On other vehicles involved. Goodness, those parents...such a senseless tragedy, so hard to deal with. How do things like this happen?

Sus: Hope Mariah is better tonight... and, no, I would never assume that you would presume that I would assume that you would assume that I would presume..............blaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh! You know what I mean, and I know what you mean...if there is anything I am able to do, I will let you know. Keeping her in our prayers.

Bonnie: Hoping for good weather as you get ready for Pinnacle Days...just a couple more days.

Rhonda: I hope you have a good trip...how sweet of you to be sure hubby has his meals, etc., all set while you are gone. Will miss you here.

Rhonda and Krichie: Oh, my yes, we will all be here to help you through this first anniversary of your precious children...it is as many have said...the days leading up to it are the worst...

Mike left this earthly plane on Oct 14, 2006, and the first anniversary of that day is etched in my heart and mind almost as firmly and vividly as the actual day he left. All of us had gathered, including Mike's kids, we had been to church together (it was a Sunday) and in the coming together of everyone, of course, eventually they all had to go home, and the kids had to be driven home---they had school the next day. Cathi left to take Kameron home and Ralph left to take Chandler home. It wasn't until about 1/2 hour after they'd left that I realized I was alone and it was just 30 minutes til the time of Mike's death one year before---8:10 pm. I just panicked. Had I not looked at the clock, I may have been all right, but I knew Ralph might not be back for at least another hour. I SO needed someone at that moment...I knew thqt my neighbor next door was not home (I knew she would have come in a heartbeat) and the people across the street were not home. I sat on the couch, trembling, trying to calm myself down. I took his picture and held it close, praying. I actually felt frightened...I started pacing and praying. Please let someone call...please let someone call. Ralph had left his cell phone at the house and Cathi was out of her service area. Kim didn't have a phone. I felt the tears come, and then I heard the phone ring. I truly thought I was hearing things. But, it was actually ringing. It was Mike's friend Eric; the friend who came back from Puerto Rico just a couple of weeks before Mike was diagnosed with cancer, and he is the blessing from God that helped Mike find his way back to his faith after his surgeries. He is an airline pilot and we don't see him often, but when he's in town, he will drop by. He said "Hi, I'm just down the street (he actually lived about 25 miles from us) and is it okay if I stop by?" It was almost 8 o'clock. Eric never drives around at night; he's usually in bed by 7:30 because he has early flights. He was ringing the bell 2 minutes later. When he came in and saw me standing there, looked at my face, he just put his arms around me, and held me as I broke down and cried. I know that God answered my prayers; that Mike answered my call, whoever, whatever, I was SO thankful for this gift. I explained what was going on with me...that I found myself alone, and of course, I didn't have to tell him why I was upset...he had stood at the foot of Mike's bed on that night one year before, praying and helping us say goodbye to our son. He was the one who called out the time of death. Just then Ralph walked in...just a few minutes later, it was 8:10. We all held our breath until it was 8:11...and I KNEW that Mike was with us...I just knew.

I know I've likely told this story before, and I hope that you all will be patient with me as we move towards that day that will mark FOUR years since our son left us. It CAN'T be that long since the phone has rung, and when I picked it up heard "Hey mom, watcha doin?" and I would answer "Talkin to you, Mike." Or to try to throw me off track, he might start with "Whatcha up to, mom?" And I would answer "About 5'9", Mike."

Dearest son, my only son, my treasure...I miss you so very much. I know that you know that, I know that you are here with us all, and I thank you for that. I hope that we please you in our efforts to live our lives...I know that is what you wanted. We will try so hard to "Weep not for the memory," as you asked, until we too are "Earthbound no more."

love and peace for the night, carol mikesmomrs

[rlolheiser]

Just a quick note.. I really don't know much. Child protective services told my daughter she will keep her children as long as she doesn't go back to her boyfriend until he has done all his classes.. he has care required. He is mad. He told my daughter to take his f*ing kids and get lost.. I hope he means it. He won't go to the classes to see his son, I am of mind that his son is luckier without him. Maybe that is a cruel thought, but an honest one.

Been with mom at the drs today.. it wears me out. nothing good to report there.. but no big changes either.

Bonnie, I got my flag yesterday... I will have to get it for next pinnacle days.. I look forward to getting it done and sending it back to you.

Coleen, you have done such a great job... so proud of Michelle and Trevor..

I guess court today was just to find out if the restraining order is still on the boyfriend.. I still don't know.. to much time at the dr. I don't know if they will send this creep back to the pen.. I just wish they would send him to the end of the world...

I am tired.. so sorry to read of the recent sadness.. and all the families that are hit with losses.. it makes me feel so lost... my heart goes out to all of these people.. my heart goes out to all of you... my heart is just so lucky to have found a place to speak out.. Thanks for listening..

I will write another time.. maybe my life will settle down for awhile.. when I don't have to be in fear..

hugs to all... my thoughts are with you

[ericasmom]

Carol, I love that photo of you and Mike, I clicked on it to make it large adn I gazed at the love between you both. Momma and Son, forever that.

Yep, almost that time Carol, when you mark the 4th year of Mike's leaving. Prayers will be with you like a constant breeze.

Lor, prayers for you and the family.

Kath, love that photo.

Goodnight all, so tired.

PS Betsy, thanks for letting me know about Mary Anne. And you do know that Carmen Sandiego is in South America don't you?

dee

[mysonrich]

Dee, never gave it a thought. This is what I'm remembering.

http://youtu.be/sG7UbCOYwS0

[ericasmom]

I loved that show Betsy, and the song. Actually what I meant was, Betty is in? And now I have forgotten where? Egypt?

I must have free associated Carmen's name with South America.

Thanks for the utube.

[jefferysmommy]

Good morning, Indigos,

Been a while since I have been here, have been busy with work, as well as with my little one, he's 3 and keeps me going!

There has been so much for me to catch up on here, first, I am sorry to hear all the sad news, and my prayers are with you and the families.

Bonnie: We have couriered the flag to you and you should have it by 10:30am today, let me know when you have received it, I want to be sure that Jeffery makes it to you safely. Are you almost ready for Pinnacle Days? I wish that I could be there, but know that my thoughts are there this weekend! Praying for good weather too!

Carol: What a truly beautifully written story about Mike's first Angel Anniversary, it brought tears to my eyes, and made me wish that I knew you then and lived closer so that I could have been there with you, big hugs for you, friend, you are an amazing woman.

Kathy: I'm so sorry that you have had to deal with some many unpleasant situations, and I am so glad that it didn't affect Tavian, so amazing that he found the "Mom" stone that his friend had made at the beach, definitely a sign.

Colleen: Tell Michelle and Trevor that I am so proud of them, that is such great news, you must be just beaming from ear to ear!

Rhonda: Enjoy the time away, some times a change is as good as a rest.

Rhonda and Krichie: As you know from what everyone has stated in one way or another, the first year is tough, I know that I didn't handle that first year really well, but as time rolls along, things become easier, you will start to smile again, and laugh again without feeling guilty, your children will always be a part of you and you will always remember them, more and more you will remember the things that they did that made you smile, and that made your heart leap, and you will laugh out loud remembering the really good times. For now, take Dee's advice, take in your fluids, eat healthy, and be good to yourself. I am holding you in my arms as you travel your journey.

Susannah: How is your little grandson doing, I hope that all the burns healed without too much scaring, what a brave little man! I don't know if I said it already, but I love the pink room, you did a great job on it, and I hope that the homework is going well.

Sally: Nice to meet you and welcome back to BI

Lorri: Those nails are something! Maybe hard to do some of your day to day things witht them, getting dressed, eating...

Trudi: So happy that you were able to get the beach house and I'm sorry that you had to go through that bit of trouble before hearing the good news.

Leah: I am so glad that your daughter and your grandies are safe with you, I hope that this jerk goes back to the pen, and from what you write, I don't think that he will ever change or every be rehabilitated.

Sherry: Love the pic of the grandies, they are adorable! How's the garden doing, is it winding down now? Our weather has gotten very cool over the last week or so.

On the weekend, we were coming home from running some errands and the train signals came on letting us know that there was a train coming, we were about 4 cars behind or so, well the barriers came down, the lights are going and we must have sat there for close to 10 minutes, people were turning around, when one car came up to the front and started telling the people to go through the barrier...I couldn't believe it, cars from our side and the other side where crossing the tracks with the barrier down to get through...I just looked at my husband, and said, I don't want you to do that (he was driving) - we had both the kids in the car - and he said, Oh I wasn't gonna do that - these people are nuts! We did however, turn the car around and headed down another way to get home, thankfully, no one was hurt, no accidents happened, but the potential was there. Dee and Betsy: I am so sorry to hear about the train suicides/accidents.

Michelle: How are you? How is Mackenzie and the school year going so far?

A-16 everyone!

[ericasmom]

Jefferey's Mom,

how sweet to know that Jeff's flag will fly with the others this coming weekend. I too wish I could be there, but I cannot. Our babies will fly freely however, causing a gentle wind to wash over those that gather on the mountain that Jason found so much joy upon.

love to you,

dee

[shorty16]

Hello Indigos

We all went out to eat last night to Olive Garden. We celebrated 3 things.

-I won the sheephead pin. A no-tricker by myself

-Trevor got an 88% on his math test (an he has a 20th Century test today)

-Michelle got into nursing school at UW Milw.

Trevor is realizing how much work goes into getting good grades. He studies every night. I help him with different study skills.

Bonnie - I have been praying for good weather for you and your gang all week. All our banners will be there. Thank you for organizing that.

I have to go, lots of work to do - Huge audit next week. 1 auditor for 5 days. Not financial audit, Quality System audit (AS9100 certification for aerospace).

Thinking of my friends - always

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[krichie]

Today if my 20th anniversary and I feel awefull all I can focus on is that Richie was our ring bearer and how cute he was in his curly red hair and little black suit and the smile that lit up the room that day. They usually say the bride steals the show but not when Richie was around- no matter what age or where he was all eyes and ears would be on him. He just had that way with people. he shined and in return people around him would shine and smile.

I am trying to think of Hubby today and how special he is but my thaughts are really on my little angel and my heart is heavy.

Been breaking down crying at odd moments and have had some really wierd dreams they make no sence they are of people I have not seen for long time and I just can't explain them they are just wierd. Richie is not in them but yet I feel his presence like he is looking over my shoulder asking what the hell is going on.

Sure its just stress playing with mind as it rest.

Collen Congrats to Trevor and Michelle, how proud you must be

carol I like your story about the first anniversary, I have not heard it before and you can tell it anytime you want and as many times as you want.

Leah- So glad your family is safer and things are looking a little brighter

Thinking of you all and trying to stay strong. I still have a few weeks till angel date- Where did the year go what did I do. Is this what people with altiemers feel. I lost track of so many thing and have no memory of so many weeks.

[daveydow1]

Carol------Yep, security lights are so good to have out in the country. Our light has been working just fine. The night

it went off, there was no storm or lightning....just a soft rain, so I did take it as a sign from Davey. Thanks for your

kind words about my grandies. I don't get to see them too often.....they live an hour away, which isn't that far, but their

mom, (our Becky, ) is going to school---day classes and eve. classes, (education major), so they are so very busy right now.

So sorry to hear of Davis' friend's death. Such a tragedy. Prayers for the boy's family and for Davis, as he tries to deal with

this terrible happening in his young life.

Sally-----Glad to see you came back to BI. I may have been off BI when you originally came on, but I am so sorry for

your loss of your dear son, Joshua.

Trudi----Thinking of you as you make the move this coming weekend. Congrats on your new 'nest'.

Lorri----Oh my goodness.....Kourtney does look like your mom. I can see the strong resemblance. Prayers for the family

of the youngs high school girl killed recently. So sad. About the nails..........quite striking !!! Could be that anyone wearing

them would have to say goodbye to romance....at least until the nails came off.

Dee----Sorry to hear someone was killed by the train near you. I can see where it would especially upset you because of ERi's accident,

I, too, get upset whenever anyone is in an accident involving a big truck. How's your back. I hope you got to the chiro recently, and that

it is ok now. We heard coyotes yipping & howling a bit last night. There was a half-moon......maybe that's why they were calling out like that.

Colleen----Oh .....that's so great....TREVOR getting such a good grade on the test. I think he will do well in school now.

Rhonda---Hope you have a nice trip.

Jenn---Our garden is winding down now......we still have green peppers, pears, and pumpkins. We pulled up all our carrots---a half-bushel. I

made grape juice last wk. ......messy job. the grapes are over now. I'm drying basil , mint, and oregano now. Thanks for the kind words about

my grandies. They sure enjoyed the fair. Trenton David, 4, was dirty as a little pig by the time our day was over. He didn't care.....they had a

great time.

PEACE & TRANQUILITY TO ALL INDIGOES.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[rlolheiser]

I have got to be the most miserable excuse of a parent. I just called the law.. the child protective services.. and found out everything is dropped in my daughters case.. my daughter took the baby to a sitter yesterday to give me a break.. turned out to be her boyfriend.. my daughter called me and told me she was going out with a friend and didn't want a DUI.. and stayed with him.... Now I worry for my oldest grandaughter .. what will happen.. all I can do is sit and wait... I hate this... I am sorry to have wasted so many prayers... I am just sick, I hate being lied too... I hate so many things...

[lolynbo]

Plz plz plz pray for Kody his enzimes r up and thnk its somethn to do with his liver. IM SO SCAIRED....KOURTNEYS NURSE REGAN SAID ITS MOST LIKELY FROM A FATTY LIVER AND CAN BE CONTROLD BY DIET....PLZ GUYS PRAY THAT THIS IS ALL IT IS....I CANT QUIT CRYIN OR SHAKING...

WE GO TOM TO TALK TO THE DOC AND RUN SOME TEST TO RULE OUT HEPITITUS A B C....THEN THEY WANT US TO GO TO A LIVER SPECIALIST TO GET 2ND OPINION...IDK IM SICK FROM WORRY...

[daniellemom]

Hi everyone,

I've been away for a couple of weeks and still trying to catch up.

Sherry - Love the pictures of the grandkids, so very cute. Our garden is now gone! Our greenbeans never made it this year. So we only have about 50 quarts from last year to last until next season but we did put up everything else. But I'm glad it's over. Everyone around where I live has a security light, recently they changed the lights and it's almost an orange glow.

Kathy - Sorry to hear about all that's been going on, I hope you find a house that you can make a home in no time flat.

Dee - How is school going for you this year. Mattie is trying to get in the swing of things but for her it's a slow process.

Rhonda - I hope your trip is a nice one.

Colleen - I'm so proud of your kids! Great news. And I don't know if I've said it's great what you are doing for Trevor. And I know how proud you must be of Michelle and her nursing school!

Lorri - My prayers are with Kody and I pray that the doctor gives you only good news! I know you must be scared.

Carol - I always love reading your words and you give me so much help. Prayers for Davis and he again has to deal with another loss in his young life.

Bonnie - I hope you have beautiful weather this weekend!

For the people I left out, please don't take it personally I A-16 you all!!

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[Guest msnher]

Sherry - I keep forgetting to comment on the picture of your grandsons. They are, indeed, precious! I can imagine the wonderful smell eminating from your kitchen with all your canning and cooking!

Kathy -I, too, have wondered about BJ. You were prominent in my thoughts during my morning prayer and meditation. Please don't get discouraged in the house hunting process....the exactly right house is being prepared just for you. I believe you will find it "just in time". And, I believe it will all the pieces will fall together smoothly. Anyway, that is my prayer.

Carol - I got a lump in my throat and my chest got tight as I read your experience of Michael's first angelversary. I absolutely understand the panic you described. What a gift, sign, manifestation and/or miracle that Mike's friend (Jeff?) showed up and Ralph got home to be there at 8:10.....holding your breath together, waiting until 8:11.

Leah - I am so, so sorry you and your grandchildren are going through this!!!

Krichie - First, Happy Anniversary. You describe this journey so well. I didn't want to do anything for my anniversary after Steph died, either. In fact, I can't remember if we did anything at all. I think the reason the first year (it's the only one I have any experience with) goes by so quickly is, for me, I was/am stuck in August 9, 2009. It was/is like one long day.....not a year....hugs to you!!

I read an article (I think from CNN) about the odd things people to do to help them cope with grief. Odd may not be the correct word. Anyway, I pondered that I have done most, if not all, of the things mentioned....Keeping Stephanie's cell phone active (for another $100.00/mnth) just so I could call and hear her voice........Smelling her clothes.......I still wear her robe......holding her urn/ashes.....writing her letters, etc. I don't see anything odd about any of it.

My sleep was plagued with weird dreams last night. Like you, Krichie, after Steph died I began dreaming about people I haven't seen or thought about in years.

Last night's dreams all ran into one dream.......running into road blocks, putting my car in reverse and losing sight but unable to take my foot off the gas, friends yelling and laughing at me...mocking me, finding out I have cancer and it turns out to just be diarrhea and me arguing with the doctor that diarrhea can't kill me as he tells me I have about 3 weeks left to live. Knowing I have something really important to say and all the right words are in my head but no sound will come out of my mouth and when I am finally able to make a sound it is just a squeek and I have to accept my failure as the people who count on me throw angry words because I'm failing them by dying....accusing me of dying just so I can go see Stephanie and not caring about any of them and then Stephanie appeared and said, "I don't want her, you can have her." I kept trying to say "I'm sorry!" but, just the squeek came out. And, they began to throw rocks at me.....hitting me, cursing me.

The last part about the rocks, I think, is because I am so heartbroken over the woman in Iran who has been sentenced to death by stoning. The rest of it, I have no clue.

Obviously, I'm still tired.

I managed to get a few things done this morning but am going to rest today and be gentle with myself.

If memory serves me correctly, Betty is visiting Istanbul (Turkey).......I am anxious to see pictures and hear of her adventure!

Peace to you all....I'm sure I've missed some posts or responding....sorry...it's not intentional!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest msnher]

A16 Sherry!

Prayers for Kody!!!!!

Prayers for you, Lorri!!!

[ericasmom]

Full time prayers Lor,

full time prayers Leah- you did not waste prayers, there is n o such thing, our prayers are good energy to be absorbed in the world, and hopefully your Daughter will put that energy in her everyday, but she is learning and falling and learning and falling, and maybe one day, she won't fall at the same place, but go a bit further with her learning...you are a strong force and now our prayers can be focused on you and the grandkids too, as well as your daughter.

Krichie, the firsts are so hard and that includes wedding anniversarries, so hard because everything changes with the loss we suffer, even and sometimes especially our marriages. I hope tha tyour husband can listen to what you said to us, because to me, you are doing what most of us did when there was cause for celebration, we cried through it, not feeling lik ethere was a celebration in our lives, not because we don't love our spouses, but because the tilt of the world is different now, we don't rovolve at the same speed as everyone else. Death of a child does that, and one day you will feel more in sync. NOt today thoguh, so put off the celebration until you feel more like it. It may be next year, but nevertheless...

Be kind to yourself Krichie, the dreams the sadness, the tears and the ache, all part of the whole thing we feel, and one day a softness will begin. Promise.

[daveydow1]

Sonya----We had a security light that gave an orang-ish glow also. I guess it has something to do with the

type of bulb.....mercury vapor, ......sodium....etc., not sure. The one we have now is bright white....lights up

about a half-acre. Thanks for kind words about my grandies. They sure enjoyed the fair.....we were worn

out after 7 hrs., but the little guys were going strong. The 4-yr. old,Trenton David, fell asleep in the car after

only 10 minutes, though.

Lorrie----I will pray real hard for your dear Kody's health. Peace to you, friend.

Leah----So very sorry that your daughter is again associating with the ex-boyfriend. Dee said it so well.....you

daughter is going through a process of walking & stumbling in order to make her life better. Thoughts & prayers.

Susannah-----Sorry about your disturbing dream. They certainly are hard to figure out when the meaning is

so vague or shrouded in mystery. You are doing such a great job with your grandchildren, and I know it must be

very exhausting at times.......maybe you are a bit stressed out. Try to take it easy......I know.......easier said than

done at times. Thanks for kind words about my grandies. (I finally figured out how to post a pic.....after working

at it for hours one day....but I don't take it lightly, because maybe the next time I go to post a pic it won't work for me)

Oh well.......that's technology for you. I wish you peace & tranquility, friend.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Hope this comes through........ Water Lilies

[mysonrich]

Hello everyone, it’s a beautiful evening. Nice breeze, sun setting low, peaceful.

Dee, I believe Sus is correct re; Betty. Istanbul onto Egypt. So the tune started to play in my mind,” where in the world is Betty”

Sus, The last couple of dreams I have had, that I can remember, both had a Holly tree. What do you suppose that means?

Sherry, hi. The pine tees’s are not surviving here. I see a mark-up on Christmas tree’s.

Sonya, Do you belong to the state Grange?

Lorri, I have posted a picture for Kody. Tell him this is his new race car fleet. Actually an old picture I found.

Leah, Trudi, krichie, colleen, Kathy, Bonnie…everyone, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

[lolynbo]

THANKS HE'D LOVE THE CARS...MY GRANNY NEVER DROVE BUT DID ALOT OF BACKSEAT DRIVING IN MODEL T.....

WELL MY BROTHER POSTED THIS OF ME ON FB....SO WANTED TO SHARE....

[heartbeataway]

Jenn,

Jeffrey's banner arrived today. Very nicely done and so sweet ........actually heartbreaking. Everytime I open a new one there's emotion. Thank you so much for participating!

Carol,

What a sweet, sad recollection of your first memorial day. Yes, I believe our children even though gone have amazing ability!

I also love the picture!

Leah,

Why did it take so long for you to get the flag? That’s incredible! Did I do something wrong that delayed it?

Sorry!

If you go ahead and send it, it will be ready for the next event.

Kathy,

Tavian & the ducks ...... sweet!

300FBFBE-F008-DC26-1BB5-765664DD600C1.02.28

[Guest msnher]

I just lost my post...it was quite lovely. Telling you all how much you mean to me. Grateful those who have been on this journey longer than us stay "active" posting in BI. How well you all validate us and how I wish I were better at it. I wrote about the couple across the street who lost their 20 yr old daughter 35 yrs ago and how it still is difficult for them to talk about and how their other daughter was given 6 months to two years to live two years ago.

I told you about 2yr old Kaylee staring at Stephanie's photos and saying her name "Sephanie".

Too bad you missed it. It had the makings of a book, I tell you!

Too tired to do it again...

Love to you all!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest msnher]

Last to post last night, first to post this morning.

"Yerserday las night"......that's how Mariah explained time when she was younger. We're going to to go see grandma yeserday las night.

Just sending love, light and peace to y'all!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

Lorri - praying for Kody (and you) today as he undergoes his tests...

[ericasmom]

Sus, hate when that happens for sure, but thanks for your thoughts on those 'oldies' that are here. Someone asked me why I still attended each day and I said, " for several reasons, one, I am able to make promises that are real to those who are new, apurpose that I feel is important to my spirit and to ERi's, and two, I get to communicate with some wonderful friends each day, feeling closer to them than many in person people, and three, I am freee to speak Erica's name, see her photo, connect my stories to those who have stories at BI, and be a part of a community."

Lor, give Kody a big bear-hug for me.

Bonnie, you are off to a wonderful celebration of life for your Boy, the Boy of your Dreams. Blessings.

Yesterday was my Jonathan 's birthday,29, and we were going to take he adn his Girl out to the BEST ITALIAN PLACE ever, which is a tall order since we do live near some amazingly grand Italian restaurants. This one is the best but Jon was sick, sinus infection, and is on meds and felt pretty miserable, so we cancelled dinner out, I made chicken soup and a cherry pie, and we had a quiet little birthday here for him. I felt ERi directing me in the kitchen, rolling out the dough for the crust...the two of us made huge messes in the kitchen, and my mess looked like the two of us.

[jefferysmommy]

Good morning, Indigos,

Bonnie: I am so glad that you received Jeffery's banner, and that he gets to wave with all our angels throughout Pinnacle Days, thank you so much for allowing me to participate, this was a good project for me. Praying for lots of sunshine and hoping that you have a wonderful time!

Lorri: My prayers for Kody and your family, keeping him in my thoughts.

Leah: No wasted prayeres, ever, and I will continue to do so.

To everyone, have an amazing day, traveling for work again today and likely tomorrow and a busy weekend ahead but will try to read posts and keep up!

A-16 everyone,

[ericasmom]

Jenn, where do you travel when you travel for work? You are a busy one.

Lor, keep us up-to-date knowing that we are with you in spirit.

Truds, how goes the readying for cottage by the sea?

Betty, wherever you are walking today, may it be lovely, filled with the adventure that will become a part of you now.

Betsy, have not gotten the WHERE IN THE WORLD...song out of my head since you sent it! Love it.

Peace on this day somehow, somehow a sense of our Children's freedom.

[shorty16]

Hello Indigos

It is a cloudy and raining day today. Mellows me out, but makes me sad too.

Pinnacle Days is this weekend. Sending warm weather your way. I saw the forcast and it look good for your area of the country.

Hope all are well - not much to say

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

YEAH - Thanks Eric

Brian is so Happy now, his face is not squished.

Colleen

[lolynbo]

OK THIS IS WHAT THE DOC SAID..HE DONT THINK ITS FATTY LIVER, WE DID BLOOD TEST FOR HEP ABC, WE ARE WAIITNG FOR RESULTS...HE KINDA IS LEANING TOWARDS GILBERTS DISEASE...WHICH MEANS YOU HAVE HIGHER LEVEL OF ENZYMES IN LIVER THEN SOME PPL, NO MEDS, NO DOING ANYTHING YOU JUST HAVE HIGHER LEVEL, AND LIFE NORMAL LIFE...

SO IM REALLY PRAYING WHEN WE GO SEE THE SPECIALIST IT IS THIS GILBERTS DISEASE....AS THE DOC SAID HE HAS NO SYMPTOMS OF ANYTHING ELSE..OR SYMPTOMS AT ALL....SO KEEP PRAYING...

BAD THING IS I LEAVE NEXT FIRDAY FOR CRUISE...HOW AM I TO ENJOY MYSELF WORRING WHAT IT IS??????????????????????????

[rlolheiser]

thanks so much my friends.. thats about all I can say. I agree, coming to this community is a blessing, I know I would be totally in depression without it. Thanks Dee, Carol, everybody for your concern.

Bonnie, you didn't do anything wrong.. I don't know what took the mail so long, I guess it just wasn't meant to be, maybe is slowed down to make me think about it. I don't know. I am just grateful that I get to make a flag and I think your wonderful for doing this for us. I hope your pinnacle days are a blessing to all.

Jenn thank you for your prayers.. I guess I was just feeling so exasperated.. sometimes a body doesn't know what to do.

Lori, my prayers and thoughts are with you.. Kody is on my mind, I enjoy so much your posts about his racing as we are big race fans here. My nephews both have cars, and I go whenever I can which isn't much this year.

I have been trying to get my mind on other things. Right now it is mom. The dr. tried to explain to my mom this tuesday that she isn't going to get better. I don't think it sinks in to her. She asked me.. what did the dr. mean I won't get better. and I can't tell her either.. I just told her.. that her breathing will never be right.. and that seemed to satisfy her for now. Today I had her to the Kidney specialist.. he told me she is at a rate of 27% (can't remember what it was called).. and that we had to try to stop it from going lower because at 15% dialysis is required. It is a lot to take in, he has several tests scheduled. Guess I will keep busy.

Right now my grandaughter gets to stay with me. I told my daughter that I contacted the girls father, and asked him to give me rights while he is incarcerated. I told him I will work with him when he gets out and gets settled. I only want this little one to feel safe and she is best off with me, my husband, and my son.

Sorry to hear you lost your post Susannah.. I know I hate that.. :-( I sure love to hear about your grandchildren.. your stories always bring light into my day.

Wishing all a wonderful day.. thinking of you all and our angels..

[daveydow1]

Betsy------I wonder why the pines are not doing well there ? Yep.......Christmas trees will most likely go up.....where else, huh ?

Lorri----What a cute pic....., but don't you just love it whenever a brother or sister finds one and shows it to everybody ?

Bonnie----Wishing you the best Pinnacle Day ever. Such a great tribute to you dear son, Jason, and all the others .

Leah-----Sending thoughts & prayers along for your Mom. Peace be with you, friend.

Dee----Poor Jon...sick on his birthday. Sinus infections are dreadful. Oh well.....you can do the

'best Italian restaurant' ever another time, and I'm sure that Jon enjoyed the chicken soup and

the cherry pie.

[mikesmum]

Dee - Yes readying myself for a roadtrip this weekend to pick up keys and drop some of the lighter stuff off. Emily (grandie 11yrs) is riding shotgun. I guess she needs to know the logistics of getting to Granmas house! Have been going through 'stuff' working out what to leave here and what to take. Taking my MN class photo - that is soooo important to me. Good time, great friends.

Mikes guitar is coming...something I feel I need to take. I am taking his ashes too. Funny how moving house used to be packing the kitchen etc etc. Now its packing Mike's ashes, the mother and son angel, the pocket angel from Kathy and everything else is incidental. Pictures are also a priority.

As for the baking, I have had an urge to bake, mainly cookies we call yo yos. Like a shortbread with vanilla cream between. Made over 40 this past week. Some to my kids, some to Mals eldest who has been kind enough to lend me a trailer for the road trip.

In the midst of all this Muttley has just had a lump biopsied on his chest. The results are back in 12 days, hoping for the big BENIGN!! He came home last night. After trying to sit he slowly gravitated to the floor and snoozed! Better this morning, running fussing and wanting to walk. Little one today as the stiches are right over the muscles attached to his little legs.

I wonder sometimes if I would be this tired and weary had Mike lived. Would my body just feel its 55yrs and not the 100 it does today. Ahh wonderment, ponderance my day is full!

Miss Bonnie - I have held the rain here for the upcoming Pinnicle Days. Wishing you sunshine, good friends, great memories and of course a celebration in honour of one handsome young man. One who stole your heart from day one.

To all - This is the place to feel understood, supported and most of all never alone.....Trudi

[summergirl]

"I wonder sometimes if I would be this tired and weary had Mike lived. Would my body just feel its 55yrs and not the 100 it does today. Ahh wonderment, ponderance my day is full!" Trudi - I wonder too.......

Susannah - I just was reading some back posts (still not caught up) but anyway....in your post you said "the right house is being prepared for you" - well, tonight we called about one we saw in the local paper and it is being "prepared" - they have remodeled the entire house and now finishing the basement so that it can be a den or a playroom....we also know the owners....are going to look at it on Saturday !! It just struck me that they are "preparing" the house and then to read your post - maybe this is the one I have been waiting for.....thanks

A couple of you have asked how Bj is doing and I thank you for that. He is doing GREAT - he has a job, he is taking night classes, a lovely girlfriend who is a nurse, a nice house they are renting, he bought a motorcyle (scares me to pieces), and he has been clean for about 8 months now.....we talk each week and he and Barry have talked , it has been a long time since I heard the two of them have a conversation and Barry told him he loved him..... We have talked of his drug problems and the things he has done in the past, we have cried a few times, talked of Jessica, many things we have not said to each other in a long time - it feels good. He said when he left here to go stay with Dawn (girlfriend) that when he got there he looked at himself in the mirror and said "it is now or never" and he chose the "now". Don't get me wrong I know that he could turn back to drugs in a heartbeat but I keep the faith and lots of prayers. I know that his little sister is watching over him. I have no problem talking about my son - there is no shame here, just love and support for which I am forever grateful.

Lorri - HUGE prayers being said for Kody - everything will be fine, I feel it so go on your cruise and have fun for all of us and I want to see GREAT PICS - love ya

I still have not heard from my friend so I guess she believes that I stole her 200 dollars !!! It will be awkard this Saturday as we are both attending a party and then again on the 28th we will both be attending an anniversary party.....but I will be strong and carry you all with me......It still hurts so much, I have considered her my closest friend for many years and I still cannot believe that she could even consider that I would do such a thing.....a true friend would never think that and I keep fighting myself because I so badly want her in my life, I want her to tell me she knows I would never do such a thing, I want it the way it was - but we all know that wishful thinking does so I shall move on and if she chooses to talk then I am here but I WILL NOT make the first move. OK that feels better.....

Yes, I love the pics of Tavian with the ducks - I just wish we could post BIGGER pics - they are so small.....

Tavian is doing great in school, he loves it. We are having a problem with him going to bed by his self again.....he gets so upset and cries. I wonder about the fact that it was Jessica's room for so long and he knows that - does it make him miss her more?? or is it the fact that he was sleeping there the night she left us ?? He is fine about everything else except the sleeping in his room.....maybe the move to a new house will change that.......People tell me it is crazy and I should put my foot down and make him stay in there but I will not do that too him, he has had enough in his life and until we figure it all out then I will pick and choose my battles with him...and the last thing I need are those "stupid" people telling me how to raise my grandson....

Time to get some rest or at least try.....thanks to all of you for your prayers. Love, peace and strength, Kathy

[mikesmomrs]

Kathy: so good to hear that BJ is doing so well...I am so very happy for all of you. I also have come to believe in the "I'll just take today" for what is now...he is clean, he is trying, he is doing well...re Davis. He finished rehab early last month...just shy of two years.. .and for each day of being clean we are thankful. Just like Jessica helping her big brother, Davis believes that Mike has been helping him. The day that Davis go this GED and went to the ceremony, he did not want to go. He was super nervous, just pacing. After some mild chaos, and everyone (125 students) sat down, he noticed the girl in front of him, on her neck was tattooed "Believe." I hope that Tavian settles down re sleeping...you are right, Kathy, you are raising your grandson, and those "well-meaning" people who advise you this and that are not living with a child who lost his mom. You are a good "mom" to Tavian, and he will become a good, healthy, happy grown man as a result. Good luck with the house, and I like Sus's statement too. By the way, when you view a pic that's been posted, if you click on it, it will open to a larger size...didn't know if you knew that...

Lorri: I too hope that Kody has the Gilberts disease (or nothing at all), and likely that is what is going on. Especially if they've done other tests, etc. Keeping you all in my prayers.

Trudi: Holding you close as you sort through your life's possessions and decide which to take, which to leave. Memories will keep you company...sometimes make you cry, but we are all so thankful for them, no matter what. Yes, Mike's guitar...where else should it be but by your side... And the pic from the trip to Minnesota...mine is right by my computer...reflecting sweet times shared and much love and support given...I will never forget you all sitting there in Marcia's room, watching the DVD of Mike's service and talking with me about it all through it...sharing, helping..even crying..even a few laughs....NO ONE else has done that...not family, certainly not friends, etc. I know that Cathi would if she could, but she still can't. For those of you new to BI, I will post the pic so you can see...six women, coming together in grief, leaving each other stronger, bestowed with many good memories, and forever bound by this almost spiritual event.

Left to right:

Bonnie (Jason's mom), Marcia (Bethany's mom), Trudi (Micheal's mom), Colleen (Brian's mom), Carol (Mike's mom), and Dee, Eri's mom.

Dee: Oh that was too bad, Jon's being sick on his birthday...however, the soup and cherry pie from his mom imparted much love and likely healing properties, more so perhaps than the "Best Italian Restaurant" would have....that will come another time...and it sure does sound like a good idea to me! I haven't been "out to eat" since the second week in July...me, whose favorite cook book is a restaurant menu!!!

You posted:

Someone asked me why I still attended each day and I said, " for several reasons, one, I am able to make promises that are real to those who are new, apurpose that I feel is important to my spirit and to ERi's, and two, I get to communicate with some wonderful friends each day, feeling closer to them than many in person people, and three, I am freee to speak Erica's name, see her photo, connect my stories to those who have stories at BI, and be a part of a community."

You are so right on with all of that...We all are blessed to have you here, and we love hearing Erz's name, seeing her smiling face, and hearing your wonderful stories and wisdom. We are all glad that you are part of this "community."

Bonnie: Thinking of you all at Pinnacle Days...wishing you the best of weather...you already have the best of company...all those people willing to take time out to spend a couple of days honoring your wonderful son, and raising funds for a good cause as well!

Leah: So sorry to hear about your mom...she is blessed to have you there to take care of her...by the way, the name of the "rate" you are looking for is "GFR." That is what we are watching so closely with Ralph, also...his was 12 right after his surgery...and 15, as you said, is kidney failure and requires dialysis. Do you have her on a potassium and sodium and phosphorous restricted diet? That is what is helping Ralph... his GFR is up to 17 now and hopefully will continue to go up, as the creatinine continues to go down. A constant monitoring... I am glad that you have your granddaughter with you...so very sorry about all of this that is going on in your life and praying that good things happen for all of you.

The days are moving forward for us as we approach Mike's angelversary...still have not made any plans. I will have to ask for the boys' input this weekend, to see what they would like to do. Perhaps spread some of his ashes at Garrison Hill, a place he loved to go.

Sending "A-16" to all of you...hoping you all have a good weekend...love and peace, Carol mikesmomrs

[ericasmom]

Getting to bed late...oh well, tomorrow is FRIDAY.

Kath, great that the house hunting is still going on adn that you feel encouraged. Such nice news to hear that BJ is doing well, that he is happy right now, and I will pray that his happiness grows and flourishes, and that he stay healthy.

Leah, you have so much to do each day taking care of every generation your family has, and you do it and you face it all. I am in awe of your strength. JaBoa must be one proud little Cookie of her Grammy.

Carol, I am grateful, full of emotion at the thought of each person I have met here, the stories we share, the trust we find in each other, the absolute friendship. Magic born of the tragic. Our Babies dance to the sound of our fingers on the keys, knowing that one of us is sharing some more stories, or photos. In the light of their love and ours, we stand.

Jon and Shan are to travel to Rhode Island tomorrow for a saturday wedding. Praying for them to arrive and come home safely, that they have a wondrous time, and that Jon gets well enough to travel.

[Guest msnher]

Kathy, wow, a practically "new" home. I hope it's the right house for you! So glad about the news re BJ!!!!! My son, too, is doing quite well. I love, love, love to visit with him now. We have sat outside on his deck the last three nights, after all the kiddos are in bed, and had heart to heart visits that last for a couple of hours. His wife has chosen to stay with him and together they are overcoming the pain his infidelity caused. You are a good "mom" (slash) grandma to Tavian, Kathy. I'm so glad you are true to your own intuition of what's right for him. Know that I will be with you in spirit when you go to the function where your "friend" will be this weekend. (as I'm sure we all will be with you). I don't blame you for being so hurt. I hope she comes to her senses and apologizes to you at once.

Trudi, I'm excited for your move to your beach house. There's a lot of moving going on in BI right now. New beginnings where we can be our authentic selves.

"Lean into the pain". That's what Wynona Judd said she did to help heal from a tragedy she was walking through (on Oprah). Respecting grief, honoring grief.....leaning into it. That makes sense to me.

Carol, Davis sitting behind someone who had believe tatoo'd on him sent shivers throughout my being. Definitely Mike sending encouragement and faith.

Someone asked about Little Curtis. He is doing excellent! There will be some scarring, and he is undergoing physical therapy for his hand, but he is doing remarkebly well. Thanks for asking.

Well...I no longer think I'm dying. I think I'm menopausal. That is my google degree opinion. I'll still go to the doctor next month to get his MD opinion. I need to quit smoking, start drinking water and begin an exercise routine. I know this and yet I'm not ready to actually DO it.

Night, my friends!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom..........PS - I could actually smell her today. It was both comforting and painful. Grief seems to be a contradiction of itself.

[ericasmom]

A grand day everyone, peacefully quiet, or wonderfully filled with the sound of those you love, either way, may it be grand.

[Guest msnher]

4 hrs sleep. That's one of the symtoms of perimenopause. GMD - google medical degree. LOL...I just happened to think.....I give you all a detailed play by play description of me experience with grief...and now I'm giving my journey through "the change". That might be offensive to some...I'll try to be careful.

My reflection in the mirror seems foreign to me. I'm not sure when I got old. I'm definitely not sure when I got lazy!!

Have a great day my friends! Or at least the best day you can have under the circumstances...

Bonnie, keeping you in my heart this weekend! There are a couple of other angel dates approaching, too......Marcia....Carol.....I think I'm missing some.....Rhonda.....who else? I'll have to look it up.

A-16!!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[mikesmomrs]

My reflection in the mirror seems foreign to me. I'm not sure when I got old. I'm definitely not sure when I got lazy!!

[/quote

Sus: I never believed that I was getting any older, until one day I went to visit my life-long friend Rita. It hadn't been that long since I'd seen her, but she had a new boyfriend that she wanted me to meet. A really sweet guy....Well, my first impression (silently, to myself, of course) was "goodness, why is she with someone so much older?" A little while later, aside, I asked her how old he was...she told me that he was 62..the same age that we were!!! Oh, those tricky mirrors!! As for the lazy part...hmmm...something I've always fought...

have a good day, Sus...

We got some pretty good news from the doctor at Dartmouth (where Ralph had his surgery) at his second checkup...they said he is doing really, really well, and that while it will take time, it looks like things are going in the right direction regarding his not having to do dialysis...his numbers are still going in the right direction, and while the pneumonia threw us a big curve, still, things have started moving again, and that's what counts. His surgical site is still needing care, but it is also responding. We'll take this news, and keep it, one day at a time. He's also lost 41 lbs, which the doctors were really pleased with. The resident who his care is basically under now, with guidance from the nephrologist, is really cute, and a little bit on the shy side, and of small stature. When Ralph told him of his weight loss, his eyes got really big, and he said, "41 lbs! Really?!" "Since your surgery? Really?!!" (41 lbs is probably 1/4 of this young man's total weight!)

we've had Jamie for the last two days because his mom is working that inspection at work this week and had to work all night one of the nights...I was bringing him to school this morning, and I saw a sign that was pretty neat: "Smile. It's today."

Davis left his moon roof and driver's window open last night...it rained (poured, actually, part of the time) for about 4-5 hours...he was not a happy person this morning when he left for work. When I was coming home earlier from driving Jame, I stopped in at the hardware store and got Davis some "Damp Rid" hoping it will help some to keep the smell at bay as it dries. I also got him his favorite treat...MickeyD's egg and sausage biscuit...I know, not healthy, but he really needed a boost!

So, everyone, "smile, it's today."

sending love and peace to all...Carol mikesmomrs