Random thoughts

[KayC]

They should have sent a card with it!  

[DWS]

59 minutes ago, KayC said:

They should have sent a card with it!  

Out of curiousity, I went through their checkout process to see if there was an option to note who the gift is from but there's not one there. I guess it would be up to the purchaser to get in touch with their recipient that a package was on its way to them or after the fact. The only one that I can possibly think of who would be so thoughtful would be Tom's daughter (this is the sorta thing her father would do!) but we will be mailing Christmas gifts to each other in another couple of weeks so that makes me think it isn't her. I'll get in touch with her this evening and find out. 

[widower2]

Might be a secret admirer!

[DWS]

3 hours ago, Sim7079 said:

It’s nice to get a thoughtful gift 🎁- enjoy.

Do let us know  if you ever find out who sent it.

Mystery solved. It was Tom's daughter sending me a surprise to let me know that she was thinking of me. I thanked her for being so thoughtful and we both shared our heaviness with this passage of time since he's been gone. 

[KayC]

It had to be someone close that remembered.  I'm glad.🥰

[Rey Dominguez Jr]

Do any of you feel “disloyal” to your lost loved one if you don’t have a good cry during the day?  

[widower2]

No. It took awhile, but finally I realized that my love for her and how much I cry/suffer/etc aren't inherently intertwined, like "oooh the more pain I'm in, the more that 'proves' how much I loved her...."   :bronx cheer:  BS. I know how much I loved her and trying to "make" myself suffer more didn't alter that in the tiniest in one way or the other. 

[KayC]

3 hours ago, Rey Dominguez Jr said:

Do any of you feel “disloyal” to your lost loved one if you don’t have a good cry during the day?  

No, read here:
Smile Permission

[RichS]

4 hours ago, Rey Dominguez Jr said:

Do any of you feel “disloyal” to your lost loved one if you don’t have a good cry during the day?  

It's tapered off over the past 15 months. I sometimes cry on the outside, but I do cry on the inside of me.

[RichS]

4 hours ago, widower2 said:

No. It took awhile, but finally I realized that my love for her and how much I cry/suffer/etc aren't inherently intertwined, like "oooh the more pain I'm in, the more that 'proves' how much I loved her...."

I feel the same way. I'm trying to adjust to life without Chris; but that doesn't mean I love her any less.

[DWS]

5 hours ago, Rey Dominguez Jr said:

Do any of you feel “disloyal” to your lost loved one if you don’t have a good cry during the day?  

There was a point in time when I asked myself this very same question after noticing a couple of days had gone by when things didn't feel quite as heavy as the grueling days before. I asked myself "what does this mean". I was self-aware enough to know that my grief wasn't "over" but I wasn't quite sure I was comfortable in this new place I was in. Did enough time pass where things actually were getting better...just like the endless platitude told me?

But shortly thereafter, I remember something occurring that triggered a memory which caused an intense cry. This became the pattern for me that carries on presently. In a way, I guess it compares to love itself. At the start, there is the intensity in those first few months after meeting someone. Eventually, the euphoria slowly begins to decrease as the feelings of comfort and familiarity increase and take its place. This is the warm and tender "loving" stage of love and relationship. It's the place where we last left our loved one. 

[KayC]

2 hours ago, RichS said:

I do cry on the inside of me.

Yes, I think that is part of our carrying our grief with us and the fact it has changed our lives forever.  But we needn't think we need to hold on to the intense pain of the beginning either...

[Roxeanne]

8 hours ago, Rey Dominguez Jr said:

Do any of you feel “disloyal” to your lost loved one if you don’t have a good cry during the day?  

I think is a distorsion we all did...!  Maybe for sometimes we need to believe in our pain as a way to keep our loved ones near us in any way...

Now i keep miss him all the time but thanks God i do not feel that awful pain of the first times...

[Rynesha Westbrook]

Good afternoon 

I feel this way every day its been months and I cried a hand full of time i feel soo bad I haven't talk to anybody yall are the first and I'm grateful it's got so full on the inside I think I just had to let some of it go 

[RichS]

15 minutes ago, Rynesha Westbrook said:

I haven't talk to anybody yall are the first and I'm grateful it's got so full on the inside I think I just had to let some of it go 

Keep posting here. We're here to listen and to support each other.

[Rynesha Westbrook]

THANK YOU IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME

[widower2]

Totally diff and totally trivial random thought but when did barber shops get so disgusting? What I mean specifically is they used to keep combs, even trimmers in a cleaning solution and rinse them off before use. Then they started just spraying some germ killer on them. That might kill the germs, but it doesn't CLEAN them...now the last time I went they didn't even do that, so I wasn't sure if it was done at all. I went home and immediately took a shower and washed my hair twice. ugh. 

 

[KayC]

Hmm, my beautician still cleans them, thankfully, but I like to wash my hair/shower afterwards because otherwise all these little trimmed hairs get all over my clothes.

 

[DotPark]

On 11/25/2023 at 3:22 AM, Rey Dominguez Jr said:

Do any of you feel “disloyal” to your lost loved one if you don’t have a good cry during the day?  

I don't "feel" disloyal but I do worry that my in-laws may think I don't grieve their brother because they don't see me cry.

One of them sent me a photo of an absolutely ghastly Christmas ornament they'd received, with a photo of my husband and a really silly bit of verse. They loved it, it made them cry. If that were on my tree, my husband's ashes would reanimate and he'd take that thing and throw it into the woods.

My in-laws are the loveliest people but we grieve differently. I'm very private. I don't tell them the heartache I had last night laughing out loud at the TV because Tom wasn't there to laugh with me. Of course, I'm telling YOU GUYS so maybe I'm not so private🤫.

[AJ4]

I might start to feel that way, but I always remind myself that my husband did not want me to be sad forever.  He'd be right there with a reminder to "be happy" if he could, so then I feel ok with my happy moments.   I still have a lot of sad moments of course.  It's ups and downs, life is.  

[RichS]

1 hour ago, DotPark said:

I don't "feel" disloyal but I do worry that my in-laws may think I don't grieve their brother because they don't see me cry. My in-laws are the loveliest people but we grieve differently.

One thing I've learned since Chris passed away is that you can't feel or understand someone's loss and the grief that goes with it, until you've lost someone close to you. I've told that to many friends and family (who've had losses) during this time.

[KayC]

1 hour ago, DotPark said:

Of course, I'm telling YOU GUYS so maybe I'm not so private🤫.

Here you know we get it.  Their loss is great but different from yours.  We can't compare losses, but it's true that everyone grieves differently.  Perhaps you're private with sharing your inner loss, but here it feels private, we don't have each other's names/addresses, so perhaps there is some anonyminity in sharing on the internet.  

[DotPark]

1 hour ago, RichS said:

One thing I've learned since Chris passed away is that you can't feel or understand someone's loss and the grief that goes with it, until you've lost someone close to you. I've told that to many friends and family (who've had losses) during this time.

Oh my in-laws have lost husbands this year, and mine was the family patriarch. They weep together; I can't do that. And it would feel like trivializing my dear Tom's death to hang a memorial on the Christmas tree beside Homer Simpson dressed as Santa drinking a beer.

[widower2]

3 hours ago, RichS said:

One thing I've learned since Chris passed away is that you can't feel or understand someone's loss and the grief that goes with it, until you've lost someone close to you. 

With all due respect, IMO you can't feel or understand it even then. Yeah you have a much better idea of it definitely, but nobody can truly understand someone else's grief. It's like a snowflake. 

[KayC]

5 hours ago, widower2 said:

nobody can truly understand someone else's grief. It's like a snowflake. 

Never heard it put like that before! Apt description.

[Rey Dominguez Jr]

On 11/26/2023 at 4:54 AM, AJ4 said:

.   I still have a lot of sad moments of course.  It's ups and downs, life is.  

Sadness each time I come home from running errands or my Red Cross driving gig.  The house is so empty without my bride here to say “You’re home!  Good!”  She’s not here for me to say to her “Yes, I’m home!” And give her a kiss.  The silence screams at me without her here.  More so at night.  I have to keep the tv on some program or Pandora music.  Started watching “The Crown” on Netflix again.  We had started and got to Episode 5 of season 1.  When I go to bed I need some noise so I found some rain sounds on YouTube. 

Surprising how spotted the inside surface of my glasses get when I and trying to blink back tears.  Have to clean my glasses at least 2 or 3 times a day.  

[RichS]

Even with my son and uncle living with me, there’s still an emptiness that I feel every day. Lately I’ve tried to be more thankful for the people that I still have in my life and not just think about the loss of my wife. Still, I feel that pain every day.

[Boggled]

On 11/25/2023 at 2:22 AM, Rey Dominguez Jr said:

Do any of you feel “disloyal” to your lost loved one if you don’t have a good cry during the day?

Rey, I don't keep track of whether I cry during the day ... probably because I DO cry still at least once every day, but that word "disloyal," and the word "loyalty," ARE very much part of and a strong aspect of my grief.  

Also the word "honor."  

Old-fashioned words, seems like.  But it's something in (probably "us,") that IS loyal, that FEELS "honor" towards the beloved.  YES.  

Those old-fashioned words like "loyalty" and "honor" are part of "us" that seems to relate to another old-fashioned word, "conscience," which I THINK exists IN US.

[KayC]

Just wrote to the webmaster of the NOAA about my elevation, they have been off 8-12 degrees all month...today they are 15 degrees off!  With a storm coming in, no idea where the snow line will be or if I will get stuck when going to the dentist today.  More than aggravating!  Will see if I hear back or if they have any solutions.  Last time I wrote they got smart alecy and wanted to know if I had a satelite on my place, no I do not, isn't that what THEY are there for!

[RichS]

10 minutes ago, KayC said:

Last time I wrote they got smart alecy and wanted to know if I had a satelite on my place, no I do not, isn't that what THEY are there for!

Some government workers should consider early retirement. They're so bored, their hearts are not in their jobs.

[DWS]

I am currently looking to download a certain software app and then wondered if I had already done it long ago as it asked for me to login. This meant going through this ridiculous notepad of mine with all my various apps and passwords to find the info. This is something Tom and I used to chuckle about as we both said that one day we'd get them into better order. But not today. Here I am sorting through as usual. I I looked up at his photo and said that in a way, I envy him that he doesn't have to do this type of **** anymore. I can hear him chuckling as I continue. 

[Griefsucks810]

On 11/29/2023 at 6:54 AM, RichS said:

Even with my son and uncle living with me, there’s still an emptiness that I feel every day. Lately I’ve tried to be more thankful for the people that I still have in my life and not just think about the loss of my wife. Still, I feel that pain every day.

My daughter and her dog have been living with me since I moved into my apartment 4 years ago. I have an unexplained emptiness in my life which I can’t pinpoint.  I’m also trying to be more thankful for the people that I still have in my life - my daughter, my mother, my cousins and my one friend Mary.  

[Griefsucks810]

On 11/29/2023 at 3:19 AM, Rey Dominguez Jr said:

Sadness each time I come home from running errands or my Red Cross driving gig.  The house is so empty without my bride here to say “You’re home!  Good!”  She’s not here for me to say to her “Yes, I’m home!” And give her a kiss.  The silence screams at me without her here.  More so at night.  I have to keep the tv on some program or Pandora music.  Started watching “The Crown” on Netflix again.  We had started and got to Episode 5 of season 1.  When I go to bed I need some noise so I found some rain sounds on YouTube. 

Surprising how spotted the inside surface of my glasses get when I and trying to blink back tears.  Have to clean my glasses at least 2 or 3 times a day.  

I’m glad that my daughter lives with me cuz I’d probably go crazy with the silence of having no one in my apartment. I also need noise at night when I go to bed so I keep my tv on.