Antidepressants to help with grief?

[foreverhis]

2 hours ago, Sep Paro said:

Thank you for the link

I am sorry, I am new and i did not pick up the proper topic. I sincerely apologize 

And I am sorry that I came off a bit harsh.  Quite some time back, a new member came to this forum and tried to argue over and over that getting divorced was much worse than a spouse/partner dying.  That memory resulted in a bit of a "knee jerk" reaction to your post.

I meant it when I wrote that I was not trying to minimize the pain of a break up.  It is a grief of its own kind that most of us know from experience.

I'm glad that widower2 provided the link for you.  I hope that talking about it with others who understand and who are going through something similar helps you.

[widower2]

4 hours ago, Sep Paro said:

Thank you for the link

I am sorry, I am new and i did not pick up the proper topic. I sincerely apologize 

No worries! Best to you in dealing with your loss. 

[KayC]

16 hours ago, maud said:

I'm fed up with being victimized by his family, by acquaintances that hurt me

Can't do anything about the drivers, but we can control who we allow in...reminds me of this cartoon!  I've had to do just that with someone, she wants to talk on the phone 1 1/2 hours each time, sometimes twice a day, NO!  Blocked her.  I will call her if/when but honestly it feels like a chore.  I once counted, she called 21 times in five days!  Not even no but HELL NO!  It's always hash and rehash.  She didn't call for YEARS and now she wants me to "check in with her?"  Not happening, I don't answer to anyone, no one checks on me here, so why she'd think I'd need to from clear across the state...it's not that she CARES about me, it's that she hasn't gone anywhere since Covid and doesn't have a life.  She has made those choices, not me.

11 hours ago, maud said:

It was that Megan Devine book DWS suggested, it must have given me courage, and I'm only maybe 20 pages in

Good to hear!  I truly love her...a voice of experience sharing with us...

 

11 hours ago, foreverhis said:

And I am sorry that I came off a bit harsh. 

We know what you were referring to but I just thought how it might have felt to her.  Sorry if I pounced!

[foreverhis]

8 hours ago, KayC said:

We know what you were referring to but I just thought how it might have felt to her.  Sorry if I pounced!

Not at all, Kay.  I had already considered how my posts might have come across to a newcomer, who (like me at first) was "stumbling" around trying to figure out where to fit in.  Obviously, I had no ill intent and I was confident I hadn't been nasty, but still my words could have been chosen better.  And like widower2, I could certainly have added the link to the other forum. 

It's a good reminder to think before posting, though I generally do.

[KayC]

Some days it's hard to...we have other things on our mind or we're exhausted...

[movingon]

@LostThomasyes, wading through that muck is frustrating to say the least, feels more like walking through an oil spill set on fire. I'm sorry it happened to you this week as well, really sorry. I'm trying to turn the pages but the gusts of bitterly cold wind that blow suddenly are making it difficult. So much for my feeling of exultation that day when I came across 2 acquaintances that hugged me and made me say " it exists! Moments of goodness from people exists!". 

[Alone. Again.]

Thinking of everyone here and what we might be going through that none of us really know about.

I know it's the weekend again. I'm sure most of us hate this, I know I do. 

I'm here with all of you. 

[RichS]

Thomas:  If I lived closer by I'd pay you a visit. We could chat (I'm a good talker------Chris used to say I could have a conversation with a telephone pole), go for a walk, then pick up those few items at the supermarket.

It's no good for any of us to be alone in our current situation. Have you considered spending some time at your daughter's home? It might help to break the monotony. I have some friends and relatives who live far away, but I speak to them once a week. They have their problems, too. Strangely enough, just listening to their life's challenges helps me to forget what I'm going through (at least for awhile).

If you'd like to talk on the phone (especially on those dreaded weekends), I would be willing to chat that way as well. One of the things that I've noticed right away is that you're very liked and cared about on this board. Also, you in turn offer your help and consolation to others. This board is in operation 24/7; and there always seems to be someone to listen to any of us. Realizing that by itself, maybe a lot of us are not as alone as we may think.

 

[movingon]

Is it because we know everyone is off with plans for the weekend? John and I occasionally went out, we mostly just liked to nest at home alot. We never got together with his friends and their wives every weekend, nobody around here does that. I stopped working 7 years ago so every day was the same for me pretty much but I always looked forward to Friday and John's time off. Then he had a lot of time for those fine dining meals he'd make, and we'd watch one of our series on Netflix at night. Tonight I had my third portion of a batch of pasta noodles I made 3 days ago with Alfredo sauce from a package. One package of that dried pasta sauce you add milk too has lasted me 3 nights. I've discovered a way to cut those grocery prices in half ! Wow. John would have made a homemade Alfredo sauce.....And nooo I will not be watching any series, my mind just has no interest anymore. My favorite time is bedtime reading....coming up soon, it's 7 pm here already. I'll be here allll weekend too, with all of you ! 

[DWS]

58 minutes ago, LostThomas said:

That might help.  I'm in month 3 now and I feel as if I'm settling into a different phase of this.  Do you have any insight on this, or even later than this?   It's hard to talk about for me.  There's more swirling around in my mind without a cohesive place to land.

This is just my personal observation but I see how silly I've been placing these markers in time thinking that my grief could abide by some schedule. For example, a few weeks after Tom's passing, I had a physical and at that time, my doctor asked me if I would like to have some grief counselling arranged. I said yes and he told me that I would likely hear from someone in a week or two to schedule an appointment. I remember feeling disappointed at how long it would likely take naively thinking that by the time I had an actual session with a counsellor, I'd likely be in a "better" state of mind. Oh how naive I was to think that but that was my rational mind trying to gain some control. 

I also wondered how I would be feeling at month three and month four. Surely by month six, I will be more at ease. I certainly didn't think I'd be "over it" but I did think that things would be easier. I was coping with the day-to-day but as someone on here wrote about how they were feeling, I was "depressed but coping" and still am. As I approach the one year mark, I'm been trying to tell myself to stop placing so much emphasis on it (although I can't help it). Triggers are still going to be there...and so will Tom's absence.

 

[KayC]

15 hours ago, LostThomas said:

I looked at my email accounts today thinking it's about time to clean that up.   There's only about 6 thousand I have to wade through.

I started my gmail account in 2006, they told me I was out of storage, I had used 13.5 out of 15 GB and after deleting a LOT I'm back at 2 GB.  Will be a while before I have to "buy" storage from them!

[RichS]

Thomas:  Being a big baseball fan, you've thrown a lot of pitches at me. So, I'll take a swing at them, one by one.

I've got a birthday coming up in a week and we are hoping to do something together-----------------GO and enjoy the company of your daughter who loves you. And if anyone else invites you somewhere.....GO!

in month 3 now and I feel as if I'm settling into a different phase of this-----------------------------I just started month 7 and can't say that things are much different than a few months ago; other than I don't cry as much. Yes, the realization has set in that I'll be spending the rest of my life without her. Not a great thought, but I have my son, just as you have your daughter. Those of us who are months and years ahead of us tell us it gets a little better with time. Stay tuned and pray for strength.

I'm trying to find that sweet spot where I can communicate-----------------------------You and I come from fields that require us to think analytically (IT and Finance). A few months ago my friend (the grief counselor) told me to stop trying to analyze and solve grief. Trying to find an easy way out of it. Just take it one day at a time. Avoid the temptation to try to figure out where you'll be a week, a month or a year from now. Taking it one day at a time makes it much less overwhelming. I've since done that and have had some success.

 I'm just wondering how this 3, 4, 5, 6-month evolution unfolds for people--------------------I'm sure this one will get a lot of responses. There is no evolution when it comes to grieving. Each of us are grieving, but in our own unique way. The way that works best for each of us. Imagine if each of us started driving from the same location, with plans to re-unite at another location; but we all chose a different route that felt most comfortable to us. What are the odds that we all arrive at the exact same time? Same thing with grieving. Don't try to time this. We'll all get there in our own time.

 I still have reservations regarding counseling.   I don't feel in a place of empowerment where I can make decisions for my own good.---------------------------------------My experience with counseling is that it will eventually provide you with tools (not a cure) to help you to cope with whatever problem you have. This is simply advice given to you. YOU ARE ALWAYS IN CONTROL. You can choose to accept all of it, some of it, or none of it. If the latter happens you can also choose to stop seeing that counselor (and find another one). This is not like signing a contract. You are under no obligation to continue to waste your time and money if it's not helping you.

I'm in a strange place now...a place where making decisions feels full of risks------------------On this it's a matter of perception. We faced the same or similar risks when our partners were alive. We dealt with them more easily because we were not in the emotional state we are now. Right now, we're all vulnerable to varying degrees. Ever look at a spider or an insect through a microscope? Scary, isn't it? Yet that spider or bug is EXACTLY THE SAME SIZE if you saw it crawling on the ground. So it is with our runaway thoughts. I've been through lots of those experiences.

So, you threw some good pitches at me............hopefully I was able to hit at least one of them.

 

 

[KayC]

It is mostly graphics. When someone sends me a picture and I reply, it shows their original in my post. Then they respond, another, etc. back and forth. They can really add up! It wasn't until they showed me and I started deleting them that I realized just how much!  By then I'd already enrolled to pay, so after the first month, I canceled.

[Tigeru]

I had a bad breakup several years ago and was given citalopram which helped greatly. With my current losses on another post here I’ll be needing to get back on that or something stronger soon.

[KayC]

In my "list" I mention going to the doctor and going over your feelings with them...it's situational not clinical but still can help us in our time of need...
I haven't been on anti-depressive Rxs although offered some by my doctor when George died...it took me years to accept his Rx for a sleep aid...after years and years of not enough sleep, I finally got on one.  (I'd tried natural, it didn't work for me).  It was the best thing I ever did!  A friend chastised me for my choice....honestly, lack of sleep is bad for us too so I'll go with getting sleep.