My beautiful Hubby passed away on October 24th 2018, and life will never be the same again

[KayC]

I don't know your financial situation but you might consider having a panel of carpet placed on the middle of the stairs, my son has one at his house and it makes it so much easier!  My parents had one at their house that I grew up in too.  We had a habit of speeding down the stairs and hopping over the "child-gate" at the bottom (for my younger sister and brother), it's a wonder we didn't kill ourselves!

[foreverhis]

@KayC 

Well, finances are certainly a consideration, especially because we had/have a number of significant home projects that need to be professionally done and my income isn't what it was.  Those jobs kind of built up over the last couple of years and can't wait.

The thing is that I actually have more issues with carpeted stairs than plain wood.  My sister-in-law has carpeted stairs, and I have always had a heck of a time with them, even when I was young, spry, and a dancer.  My feet tend to kind of get stuck on them for reasons I've never fathomed.  Of course, I never break our house rule of no socks on the stairs, so that helps.  And now I walk up and down one stair at a time, rather than zipping along as if they're one long unit.  My hubby used to remind me of that, so these days I hear and remember, "One step, one stair."

I so appreciate your concern.  It's a warm feeling to know that there are members here who will watch out for me, even though I'm basically a stranger to them.  I have found your insights and suggestions invaluable.  Thank you.

[crackerjack4u]

On ‎12‎/‎16‎/‎2018 at 7:49 PM, foreverhis said:

Boy, ain't that the truth?  It's really irritating and frustrating.  I have had a bad habit of basically "zipping" up and down the stairs.  My hubby took to chiding me as one would a child, "Careful on the stairs. Slow down. Hold the railing."  I always hold the railing, but the truth is that I needed that nagging about rushing sometimes.  We have wood stairs, so the house rule is no socks on the stairs unless they have those non-skid bottoms.  One time when our nephew was about 7 or 8, he wore socks coming down the stairs and sure enough, he slipped onto his bottom and skidded down two stairs.  Thank goodness it was just two stairs and he didn't hit his head.  He sat there for a minute and started crying.  I asked if he was okay and then asked, "What did you do?"  He sobbed out, "I...wore...socks...on...the...stairs!"  After that, he became the sock master and would scold anyone who even tried to walk on the stairs wearing socks, including me one time.

I promise to be careful doing things around the house.  My sweetie would be really irked if I injured myself seriously through carelessness.

I'm glad you talked to your dr. about your neck.  If it doesn't improve, you might need an x-ray just to make sure it's not serious. 

Take care of yourself and let us know how you are feeling.

@foreverhis I've not been able to "zip" for many years now, although I wish I was still able, if I wanted to lol.  My David would walk to the room I was in, holler down the basement-(with him going blind I really encouraged him to Not try to go to the upstairs or in the basement because I was afraid he'd fall) , or he'd come walking outside to check on me to make sure I hadn't fallen if I had been gone longer than he thought I should have been, or he couldn't hear any noise coming from that area of the house. I sure wish he was here to do that now. 

My back problem throws my gait off anyway, then my feet and leg issues, and my fibromyalgia effecting everything all combined are a recipe for falls, making me super clumsy, even when I'm trying to be careful.   

Poor Sock Master, bless his heart,  I'm so glad he wasn't seriously hurt, but glad he was able to hand out those reminders.  I've been there myself too. Wooden steps and socks don't mix for sure, I scooted down the wooden steps on my butt due to wearing socks when I was pregnant with my daughter. I could actually "zip" back in those days lol.  Thankfully neither of us was hurt but it was more than enough to scare me straight for sure, so shoes only on the steps from then on.   My grandchildren fuss when on the steps here at my house cause I make them put their shoes on before they go up or down the steps.  Their house has the really wide carpeted steps, but mine are all pretty narrow and wooden.  

I'm glad to hear that you're going to be careful cause we don't have our loves here now to make sure we stay safe, so it's up to us to show them that all those reminders, and being checked on paid off.    We shall make them Proud.  

I had a really rough day Saturday with my neck, back, and body.  (I don't think from the Fall a week ago though).  I sat in the living room in the desk chair, and watched a movie with my niece Friday night, and when I woke up Saturday I couldn't hardly move.  It was like that all day long, by Sunday I was a little less stiff, but still not doing great.  I generally don't sit in chairs, ever, unless I'm at a Dr's appt or something like that, but otherwise at the house I lay down the majority of the time otherwise the stiffness takes over like that, and it's nearly impossible to get it to stop.  

You stay safe hun.  Hugs to you Dear Friend.    

[KayC]

I'm sorry you're feeling poorly, hope you get some relief today.  I wish we lived closer, I wouldn't mind having the company to watch a movie together instead of alone, always alone at night.

We're having storms here, one after another, torrential rains and high winds, lots and lots of branches coming down all over the streets, yards, driveways.  Yesterday someone dumped a ton of branches in a pile in the middle of my driveway.  I thought, What the?!  I don't get that, I know they didn't want to deal with having their own burn pile, but really?!  Hoping I can make it to my son's on Christmas, it's a long drive up and back in one day, so short visit, but important to us both.

[crackerjack4u]

On ‎12‎/‎19‎/‎2018 at 10:16 AM, KayC said:

Yesterday someone dumped a ton of branches in a pile in the middle of my driveway.

Thank you Kay C. I wish I was closer too being able to have a friend who understands to sit and chat with and watch a movie with would be really nice.

That was really crappy of whoever dumped those branches in your drive.  No doubt they are for sure on Santa's naughty list. I don't know why some people are so ornery to do things like that, but I'm sorry that they did that to you.  

 

On ‎12‎/‎19‎/‎2018 at 10:16 AM, KayC said:

Hoping I can make it to my son's on Christmas, it's a long drive up and back in one day, so short visit, but important to us both.

Why not make plans to go up and stay the night either with them or in a hotel, instead of trying to make the round trip all in one day and wear yourself out so much?  That way you wouldn't be so rushed trying to get home before dark, and can spend some extra time with your family.  Would that be an option?  

Just letting you fine folks know that things here have been really horrible this past week. Sorry if it ends up being long, or turns into a rant on certain parts of it, which is very possibly.  It's kind of a long story, but here goes. 

My 17 yr old great niece, who is the daughter to the niece that is staying with me attempted to commit suicide on Tuesday night  After ambulance transfer and drinking charcoal, and ICU for 12 hour observation after they finally got her stabilized in ER, she's doing alright, Thank God, but they had to send her about 150 miles away because our town doesn't have a pediatric psychiatrist to evaluate her in order to release her to our local facility for at least a 72 hour lock down, and our hospital couldn't release her until she was evaluated by a psychiatrist.  

 Once at the hospital 150 miles away, they were planning to admit her to the appropriate unit, but they never got a bed open on the unit that she needed to be on, so they again have transferred her to another facility 20 miles down the road from the other one.  Her mom, my niece, who was actually homeless, sleeping in shelters etc., when I brought her into my home 2 weeks ago- (that's info I didn't disclose previously when I told you all she would be staying with me temporarily).  She works very hard and goes to work a lot,  but she ran into a streak of bad luck. So she had taken the 2 girls to their dad's house (her Ex) to stay, so they too wouldn't be homeless,  until she could get back on her feet and could afford to get an apartment after messing up the tendons in her arm, forcing her to change to a lower paying position at work which in turn lead to her be evicted from the house she was previously renting.  

My niece is in that town where her daughter is at now having to stay in hotels, instead of the hospital lounge or hospitality rooms because the facility she's now in is a private facility, and my niece isn't allowed to stay on the premises. The children's hospital that they transferred her daughter from up there graciously gave her vouchers for 2 nights in a hotel when she transferred yesterday.  They had 1st said my great niece would be there for 72 hours, and then they would release her to our facility here in our town, but she just arrived there yesterday, and with the Holidays they are now saying she'll be there 5-7 days. I've given my niece all the cash I had, which wasn't much, to try to help feed herself, and keep her in a warm room while she is there, but the facility her daughter got transferred to requires them to wear street clothes and all her daughter had was the set of clothes she had on when this happened, and some of those clothes (like her underwire bra) they won't allow her to wear it, so my niece had to go shopping and buy her some clothes to wear while she's there with part of the money I gave her.  I've called all the churches, salvation army, etc. in that area, and our area to try to get some kind of assistance on a room while she's there, to try to keep her from having to sleep in her car with the freezing temperatures outside, with no luck,  because most aren't providing any assistance now until after the 1st of the year, and the ones who still will only provide assistance to people who live in that county, and the ones here have contracts with hotels and places she could stay here, but can't help with places in another county, so it's just an absolute mess right now.  But the main thing is Thank God my great niece is alright, and didn't succeed with her attempt, but the rest of it just adds to the stress.    

Then to top things off "Mr, still Wants to be my roommate", you know the idiot who contacted me 6 days after David died.  He sent me another message the day after my great niece attempted suicide knowing everything that was going on with my losing David recently, and now my great niece's attempted suicide, etc. because he called earlier that day, and I told him what all was going on.  

His message said, " I was going to tell you earlier if things change with the family living arrangements and you would decide your up for me living there  I have set aside X amount of dollars to help with my share of the bills each month."  I have told him NO, that he is NOT going to live here.  I've made it perfectly clear 4 times now since my David passed away on Oct 24th,  and this is Dec the 21st.  I thought you have to be kidding me, knowing the amount of stress I'm under right now, and he messages me this crap, AGAIN.  If HE didn't owe me money already I would have already blocked him from contacting me at all because it's just ridiculous, but he needs to pay me the money he owes me.  I think he seriously thinks that he can step right into my David shoes, the thought of that just sickens me, and it ain't going to happen. He is really pissing me off about this crap.  He needs to take no for an answer, pay me the money he owes me, and go on with his life, Period.   He's going to be very lucky if I don't end up slapping the heck out of him, or something before it's all over with.     

I hope you all know me well enough by now to know that I am NOT a person who lives for Drama, and BS.  (LOL it's probably hard to tell that by this post, but I promise you all I am NOT).  I like things quiet, calm, peaceful, non stressful, I don't like to have to fight with people, but I will if I have to, but it's like right now I'm tired, and don't really have the energy to fight, especially over stupid crap. Plus stress makes my pain level so much worse.   At this moment in time just to be able to attempt to get through each day since losing my David is huge struggle, I feel like I'm just barely pulling my own self along, and now I'm feeling like I have all these other weights attached to my ankles too.   It's just a horrible feeling.  Sorry guys, for the long post,  I guess I just needed to vent out some of my stress, sadness, anger, frustration, or whatever.     

On a more positive note my daughter, son-in-law, and grandbabies are coming to town tomorrow, and I am celebrating Christmas with them early because they want to be at their new home when Ole Santa Clause comes to deliver the kiddos toys, so I'm looking very forward to that.  

Hugs to You All.  I appreciate everyone's friendship here so much.   

 

[KayC]

11 hours ago, crackerjack4u said:

Why not make plans to go up and stay the night either with them or in a hotel, instead of trying to make the round trip all in one day and wear yourself out so much? 

For three reasons.  My dog can't be alone in the house, his anxiety is too high, and it's too cold at night for him to stay outside.  It's impossible to get a sitter at Christmas here.  Second, I have to keep the fire going as it's my only source of heat.  Third, it's supposed to snow Christmas Eve, Christmas, and the days after.  The longer I'm gone, the more snow builds up, the less chance I have of making it up the mountain to my home.  I'm scared enough being gone for nine hours on Christmas while it's snowing.  You never know what you're coming home to!  I've had them predict little or nothing (snow) and get 7"! 

OMG, I just read where your grandniece tried to commit suicide!  How frightening that has to be to her mom, who is already going through so much!  It's hard to imagine people at this time of year refusing her help and not caring more.  I hope and pray someone opens their home to her.  It's hard, everyone has plans with their families this time of year especially.

And then for Mr. Wannabe to try to infiltrate your life again...good luck getting the $ owed you.  George and I had sold a trailer for friends and they were making payments...when he died, they never made another payment.  Unfortunately, George had already signed the title over to them.  Good friends from church.  I was beyond broke and could have used that pittance!  People...who can understand them.

I'm glad you have family coming to give you something to look forward to.  We need that!  Enjoy your time with them and I'll add your gr-niece to my prayers, along with her mom.

[foreverhis]

14 hours ago, crackerjack4u said:

  At this moment in time just to be able to attempt to get through each day since losing my David is huge struggle, I feel like I'm just barely pulling my own self along, and now I'm feeling like I have all these other weights attached to my ankles too.   It's just a horrible feeling.  Sorry guys, for the long post,  I guess I just needed to vent out some of my stress, sadness, anger, frustration, or whatever.     

First, I am so sorry that you are dealing with all this added drama and stress. Second, I've already learned that you needn't apologize here for venting whatever you need to vent, whether it's in short or long form.

Now, this may make you feel better, not alone, or worse.  I apologize in advance if it's "worse."  I wasn't going to mention these things, but what the heck.  It's as if somebody out there is saying, "Hm...Woman, let's see just how much more you can take..."

Less than 2 months after my husband died, his favorite uncle (only 10 years older, more like an older brother) died from a different metastatic cancer.  That was upsetting, but not entirely unexpected.  I haven't been able to visit his family and they haven't been able to visit here because we are several thousand miles apart.  But I still hope at some point we're able to see each other.  It just won't be any time soon.

Okay, we get through the first phase of that and BAM, my sister-in-law, my hubby's sis to whom we are very close, calls to let me know that the reason she hasn't emailed or called the past little while is that she's in the ICU after taking a serious fall, breaking many bones (some compound), injuring her lungs and other organs, and just basically being bruised head to toe.  She is in her 70s, so you know that makes everything scarier.  Just this week, 10 days later than expected, she was finally moved into an intense rehab facility connected to a hospital.  It's a typical rehab, so not terrible, but not great either.  Her hubby, who is very quiet and shy, is having a hard time coping, so I've been really worried.  I told her flat out the other day that I would get on the train immediately (only a few hundred miles) if I decided he needed help standing up and stomping his feet when necessary.  But she was able to reassure me that her best friend had been helping with that.  I'm keeping other family members in the loop. But she's still having trouble breathing, even though all testing shows her lungs are fine.  And it's going to be a long road to recovery. She's also pissed because they were supposed to come visit me in 2 weeks.  At least we were able to have a day visit over Thanksgiving.  She'd be even more upset if we hadn't been able to make that happen.

Okay, we're rolling along on that and BAM, our daughter calls to say she's got pneumonia and our granddaughter was diagnosed with a Noro-type virus on her freaking birthday.  Great, just what our girls need this year.  But our strong, stubborn daughter has things under control and they're both much better in time for Christmas.

Just as I started to think, "Okay, we've got things handled," BAM I get an email from my best friend letting me know that her brother, who we're also very close to, was just admitted to the hospital for a heart attack.  He didn't even know he had any heart issues and had no cardiac symptoms beforehand.  He's had minor surgery and is now home recovering.

All I could think was "For crying out loud, how much is one family supposed to take all at once?"  As if these things weren't enough, I'm dealing with a contractor and having to make sure they're doing the job right.  With two other contractors in the wings, so to speak, for other projects.  So yeah, it's a lot of drama adding to my stress, grief, and physical pain.  BTW, I have multiple auto-immune conditions, but my doctors diagnosed me with secondary fibromyalgia several years ago.  I had a suspicion my new symptoms could be a "mild" form of that.  They were.  Sigh.  So I think in this instance I can say I really do understand how you feel physically.

Fortunately, I have not had a man pester and harass me like you are having to deal with.  What sort of selfish, creepy idiot acts like that?  I mean, obviously you are a wonderful woman, so why wouldn't a man be interested?  But no one should be even remotely looking your direction like that now.  I wouldn't blame you for letting him have it at some point!

Anyway, there it is, our family saga for this year.  Like I said, I truly hope me telling you all these might make you feel less alone in your "Oh, come on!  I've had enough!"  I hope so much that things get better for you, for all of us.  Rest assured, my friend, I will be thinking of you over this next week.  Come here and rant, vent, or scream whenever you need it.  Even though I'm really new here, I've learned that we can rest assured that other members will understand and try to help, even if that help takes the form of just "listening."

[crackerjack4u]

8 hours ago, KayC said:

For three reasons.  My dog can't be alone in the house, his anxiety is too high, and it's too cold at night for him to stay outside.  It's impossible to get a sitter at Christmas here.  Second, I have to keep the fire going as it's my only source of heat.  Third, it's supposed to snow Christmas Eve, Christmas, and the days after.  The longer I'm gone, the more snow builds up, the less chance I have of making it up the mountain to my home.  I'm scared enough being gone for nine hours on Christmas while it's snowing.  You never know what you're coming home to!  I've had them predict little or nothing (snow) and get 7"! 

OMG, I just read where your grandniece tried to commit suicide!  How frightening that has to be to her mom, who is already going through so much!  It's hard to imagine people at this time of year refusing her help and not caring more.  I hope and pray someone opens their home to her.  It's hard, everyone has plans with their families this time of year especially.

And then for Mr. Wannabe to try to infiltrate your life again...good luck getting the $ owed you.  George and I had sold a trailer for friends and they were making payments...when he died, they never made another payment.  Unfortunately, George had already signed the title over to them.  Good friends from church.  I was beyond broke and could have used that pittance!  People...who can understand them.

I'm glad you have family coming to give you something to look forward to.  We need that!  Enjoy your time with them and I'll add your gr-niece to my prayers, along with her mom.

@KayC Wow, it sounds like that would be an issue for sure for many reasons.  LOL it also sounds like we have the same weatherman too, our forecast a few weeks ago was something like you could wake up in the morning to 7" or none lol.  

On the assistance, I think the people who could help are just funded out at this time of the year because most of them also help people with their heating bills and stuff like that too, and so many people are struggling to make ends meet with the economy out there especially this time of the year.  Several said they weren't doing any type of assistance right now and would resume after the 1st of the year, but most under the circumstances wouldn't be able to help her anyway because of the county issues, and who they have the contracts with etc.      

Yes, it was very scary situation for her mom especially. I talked to her mom earlier and she said she just left from visiting and my gr niece was in really good spirits today.  The doctor also started her on some medication that should help too, but knowing from experience, it usually takes a couple of weeks to a month to get to a therapeutic level on most meds like that, so she'll still need to be monitored closely until it starts to do what it's suppose to do.  

Hopefully my niece will figure something out on the rooming issue.  I do know that once the vouchers for the 2 free nights runs out which should be after tonight, she'll have to for sure move to a much cheaper motel, but the expensive one is the one the vouchers had on there for her to stay at to use them.  I think the room she's in with the vouchers is something like 150 per night, and the craziest part of the cost there is that in addition to the room cost, Parking is 18.00 per night for paying guests to park in their lot.  I don't know about the rest of you, but I have never heard of a hotel/motel that chargers to park in their lot, have you?   It seems to me that it would be much more beneficial for the group that gave her the vouchers to contract with a less expensive hotel, preferably with Free Parking lol, and that way their funds would go further, and they could help more in situations like this where more nights are needed, or be able to help even more people who are in need.   It's really sad that my gr niece wasn't able to be put in a room on the needed unit at the Children's Hospital she was at, and her mom be able to sleep at the Hospitality rooms the have there.  What's even sadder is that apparently there are a lot of children having issues like this with the unit there being and remaining full the entire time she was there in ICU waiting for one to open up.      

Mr Wannabe has actually been coming to the house about 1x weekly right now to pay me some on what is owed, so hopefully he'll continue to do that, but you can about bet there are alterative motives on his part though, I suspect he thinks that's his way of keeping his foot in the door because previously he paid for a while, then didn't come and pay at all when Dave was sick, and now he has started paying again.  If he doesn't pay though there is always Plan B-(I have a signed paper on what he owes, so I'll garnish his check if I have to, but one way or another I will eventually get the money he owes me).  

It's sad what the people did to you on the trailer.  We had the same thing happen to us on a vehicle that we sold to someone we thought was a really good friend, and he never bothered to pay a dime in it. It was one of those things that we thought we could trust him, so instead of putting a lien against the vehicle at transfer we went ahead and just transferred it to him, and that was the end of that, and the end of the friendship lol.  So now I don't play that game with anybody anymore be it friend , family, strangers.  I've actually sold 3 houses, and now selling a portion of the cabin on contract,  but I don't ever give them that Deed until they have paid every penny they owe on it, the Deed is signed but I have it, and it is not given to them nor will it be recorded until it is paid in full. LOL burn me once shame on you, burn me twice-it ain't going to happen lol.  That's one of those live, and learn the hard way things, but it sure hurts the bank account, and worse than that it hurts your heart-when it happens by people you thought were your friends.   

I had a really nice time seeing my daughter, SIL, and those sweet grandbabies.  The grands picked me out, all by themselves, the sweetest necklace that says grandma on it that they gave to me from just them. I, of course, made a huge deal about how much I loved it, and they were all so proud of themselves for having picked it out with no help from their mom. .     

Thank you for the added prayers for my niece, and gr niece I will pass the info along to them I'm sure they will really appreciate it.  

Hugs to you dear friend.  

[crackerjack4u]

@foreverhis Wow hun, I'm so sorry you've had that going on along with your grief, and that so many people that you love and care for have passed away, or are feeling so bad.  I think I feel worse, For You, bless your and their hearts. 

That was one heck of a fall your sister in law had, it sounds like it sure did a number on her poor body. It's slower healing when they are their 70's, but hopefully she's on her way and rehab will help get her back up and going strong again.  It sounds like her dear hubby is sure missing her while she's recouping.  That was so kind, and sweet of you to offer to go there if needed, I know they appreciate your kind offer so much.       

I'm glad to hear that your daughter and granddaughter are now doing better, but it sounds like it was a rough road for them both, and you too worrying about them.  I've known so many people who have had pneumonia this year, it seems to be occurring a lot more than usual.  

It sounds like your friend's brother got very lucky because those non symptom heart problems are the worst ones because it hits without any warning, and often comes with a high mortality rate.   My nephew had a Widow Maker earlier this year at 34 yrs old, he also never had any heart issues before and as you say, "BAM".  Thankfully he's doing alright now, but he almost died because of it.  He is married to my brother's daughter, and they both had 3 children each from previous marriages, and they had 1 together making it 7 children who came very close to not having their dad, and my niece almost became a widow because of it.     

I don't know about your friend's brother, or if she's noticed anything with him, but the Widow maker that my nephew had changed him A lot personality, and temperament wise.  Having been a cardiac nurse myself for many years severe heart attacks, and heart surgery afterwards tends to have effects like that on the majority of people who have had them, so that might be something she wants to watch out for. Hopefully with his being a minor instead of a major surgery he won't get the effects that the major surgery often comes with.  

I so feel for you with the autoimmune issues they can sure wreak havoc on your system, and your body.  My daughter has Severe Crohn's Disease which she was diagnosed with at age 9.  The GI Specialist said that she has the worst case of Crohn's that she has ever seen in a child or an adult. Hers isn't just in her small intestines like most people with Crohns is, hers is in her entire GI tract from her throat to her rectum. She has had to take daily Chemo since the age of 9, she's 30 now, because that is all that they found that would even remotely put her into remission, it doesn't keep her there long though, but nothing else works.  The chemo, of course, has kept her immuno suppressed her entire life, which has caused her to stay in and out the hospital throughout her life.  I had to home school her after her diagnoses because of the germs going around school, and the immune suppression from the chemo would cause her to catch everything, and get deathly ill to the point of ending up in ICU.   She's just like a cancer patient taking chemo except their treatment ends, hers doesn't.  Now they are wanting to remove her entire colon because of issues, and she said, "Nope, it ain't happening", but things are bad, really bad as you can imagine if the specialist are wanting to remove a 30 yr old, mom of 3 children's colon, so only time will tell what the next chapter in her battle will be with this autoimmune disease.     

Yelp, "Selfish, Creepy, Idiot", pretty much sums up "Mr. Wannabe" as KayC calls him lol.  I'm thinking we can probably drop the Mr. part though lol. He's just a Wannabe, but I've got news for him, he never will be. You can count on it that the day is coming when I completely unload on him. 

I've figured out over the years that when it rains, it certainly pours, and pours, and pours. They say we won't be given more that we can handle, but I've questioned that many, many, times both recently, and in the past too. (Also the future ain't looking no better either about questioning this).   

2018 has $&*#$*, and has been a completely devastating, heartbreaking, and horrible year.  I pray for us All that 2019 is somehow better, but without our loves I don't see how that can be.  At least maybe other people we love will feel better, stay well, not Fall, not have heart attacks, not have GI issues, etc. during 2019, making it somehow appear better than 2018? 

With you having Fibro, stress will cause you to have a Fibro flare, so be forewarned it usually happens every single time.  Just when you think you can't handle anything else, and are completely stressed to the max here comes that stupid Fibro flare to make you feel like your body is breaking in half in addition.

Hugs, Love, and Prayers to you.   Prayers for your family and friends.       

[KayC]

17 hours ago, foreverhis said:

It's as if somebody out there is saying, "Hm...Woman, let's see just how much more you can take..."

OMG, I'd cry Uncle!  Enough is enough, and I sure hope things settle down for your family, no more injuries, illnesses, or other adversities!  I'm just sorry you're being hit with so much, as if grieving isn't already a full enough load!

[KayC]

Yes, one thing about new years is we can always hope for something better even if we don't see how at the time.

[crackerjack4u]

I got a message and a picture from my niece today that she was able to get into the Ronald McDonald House to stay the rest of the time she's there.  She said it is "Amazing.  It's $20 per night, they feed her 2 meals per day, free laundry services, fully stocked with food frig in the room, dishes microwave, available snacks to grab on the way out the door when heading to visit her daughter, and there was even multiple Christmas presents wrapped and waiting for her when she got to the room."  The money I was able to send with her should be more than enough at that cost to get her through the time she will be there.  So that is one stress relieved from her and my mind.    

[foreverhis]

5 hours ago, crackerjack4u said:

I got a message and a picture from my niece today that she was able to get into the Ronald McDonald House to stay the rest of the time she's there.  She said it is "Amazing.  It's $20 per night, they feed her 2 meals per day, free laundry services, fully stocked with food frig in the room, dishes microwave, available snacks to grab on the way out the door when heading to visit her daughter, and there was even multiple Christmas presents wrapped and waiting for her when she got to the room."  The money I was able to send with her should be more than enough at that cost to get her through the time she will be there.  So that is one stress relieved from her and my mind.    

That is absolutely wonderful news.  Finally something good for you to focus on.  Something to take a small bit of the burden off of you for now.  Thank you for sharing that with us.  You are so thoughtful and generous to help out your family even though you've got so much grief and so much else to deal with right now.

 

[crackerjack4u]

1 hour ago, foreverhis said:

That is absolutely wonderful news.  Finally something good for you to focus on.  Something to take a small bit of the burden off of you for now.  Thank you for sharing that with us.  You are so thoughtful and generous to help out your family even though you've got so much grief and so much else to deal with right now.

 

Hello @foreverhis, after having shared the long negative details of everything that's been going on, I absolutely wasn't going to withhold any positives that might come along from my buddies here because those can often be few and far between.   I'm just so relieved that she didn't end up having to sleep in her vehicle, and that she's safe and warm in a very nice place while her baby is receiving the treatment that she needs.  Lord knows any stress being removed from all our lives here is a blessing for sure, and certainly something to celebrate.  

You too, dear friend, are also a generous and kind soul helping out your family and friends during their times of need while you are grieving your loss as well.     

Today is actually the day that my mom passed away in 2003, and tomorrow is the 2 month mark of my David's passing, so, yelp,  I absolutely welcome the removal of any stressors in life.  Stress and depression causes me to crave Chocolate-which is bad because it's a depressant but I have an awesome recipe for Chocolate Chess Pie and I have made and eaten 8 entire pies by myself since Thanksgiving, and several more prior to that.  I had actually lost 50 pounds prior to Dave's passing but at the rate I'm going I'll soon be putting that 50 back on and then some.    Hugs to you dear friend.   

[foreverhis]

@crackerjack4u  I have a feeling that if we met in person, we would hit it off.  We have many things in common and I sense a kindred spirit in you.  I guess I should mention I live in California.  We grew up in the bay area before it became Silicon Valley, though we both had jobs in science and technology while everything was changing.  My hubby and I were lucky enough to be able to relocate to an agricultural, small city region 20 years ago.  It was an area that we visited for camping several times a  year, where we always felt content and at home.  I was hesitant to move somewhere so rural.  My love, always smarter than I, said, "Within 6 months, you will love it."  As usual, he was right (darn the man).

I have no real advice for you for tomorrow except to just keep breathing.  If and when you need to simply melt down, do it.  And there's nothing wrong with eating chocolate pie!  The 2 month mark was a tough one for me.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe because I had fewer "must do" legal things to focus on, so my mind was going over and over exactly what I had lost.  I decided to try to focus on one specific special memory, one that would make me smile in spite of myself.  It worked, a little bit and for a little while.  As we all know, there is no right or wrong way to handle everything.  Just please don't feel guilty for taking care of yourself first.

As far as weight goes, I'm fighting it too.  You know how hard it is to lose weight when you have serious medical conditions--along with the medications that cause weight gain on their own.  Good for you for losing those 50 lb, but don't beat yourself up if you gain some right now.  At my last appointment, I was complaining to my doctor about it.  He pointed out that I had basically ignored my own health for nearly 2 years.  My medical symptoms are in full force, so he wants to tackle one thing at a time.  He said that we will work on weight loss later, partly because this kind of stress causes our bodies to pump out cortisol, which tells our bodies, "Uh-oh, there's something going on. better hold on to every ounce of fat possible just in case." (Well, words to that effect.)  So next year at some point when other things are stabilized, we can talk about it again.  I am not allowed to skip meals or overdo activity.  I am allowed to have whatever foods give me comfort right now.  Give yourself time and permission to do whatever helps you get through the day.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow.  I am sending you big hugs for tomorrow and beyond.

 

[KayC]

16 hours ago, crackerjack4u said:

I got a message and a picture from my niece today that she was able to get into the Ronald McDonald House to stay the rest of the time she's there.  She said it is "Amazing.  It's $20 per night, they feed her 2 meals per day, free laundry services, fully stocked with food frig in the room, dishes microwave, available snacks to grab on the way out the door when heading to visit her daughter, and there was even multiple Christmas presents wrapped and waiting for her when she got to the room."  The money I was able to send with her should be more than enough at that cost to get her through the time she will be there.  So that is one stress relieved from her and my mind.    

I am so glad and relieved to hear this!  It had crossed my mind but then I thought maybe they didn't have one there.  So glad she doesn't have to worry about sleeping in her car and even Christmas presents waiting for her!  

Under the Christmas tree can look a little bare when your partner is gone, but my sister sent a gift and so did someone I'm on the Praise Team with. Will be thinking of you all and hoping your day has something bright in it...and that you are feeling better after your fall, you had enough on your plate w/o that!

[foreverhis]

On 12/23/2018 at 6:23 AM, KayC said:

OMG, I'd cry Uncle!  Enough is enough, and I sure hope things settle down for your family, no more injuries, illnesses, or other adversities!  I'm just sorry you're being hit with so much, as if grieving isn't already a full enough load!

Thank you so much.  I too hope that 2019 brings a bit of calm and hope for all of us.

[crackerjack4u]

On ‎12‎/‎24‎/‎2018 at 1:29 AM, foreverhis said:

@crackerjack4u  I have a feeling that if we met in person, we would hit it off.  We have many things in common and I sense a kindred spirit in you.  I guess I should mention I live in California.  We grew up in the bay area before it became Silicon Valley, though we both had jobs in science and technology while everything was changing.  My hubby and I were lucky enough to be able to relocate to an agricultural, small city region 20 years ago.  It was an area that we visited for camping several times a  year, where we always felt content and at home.  I was hesitant to move somewhere so rural.  My love, always smarter than I, said, "Within 6 months, you will love it."  As usual, he was right (darn the man).

I have no real advice for you for tomorrow except to just keep breathing.  If and when you need to simply melt down, do it.  And there's nothing wrong with eating chocolate pie!  The 2 month mark was a tough one for me.  I'm not sure why.  Maybe because I had fewer "must do" legal things to focus on, so my mind was going over and over exactly what I had lost.  I decided to try to focus on one specific special memory, one that would make me smile in spite of myself.  It worked, a little bit and for a little while.  As we all know, there is no right or wrong way to handle everything.  Just please don't feel guilty for taking care of yourself first.

As far as weight goes, I'm fighting it too.  You know how hard it is to lose weight when you have serious medical conditions--along with the medications that cause weight gain on their own.  Good for you for losing those 50 lb, but don't beat yourself up if you gain some right now.  At my last appointment, I was complaining to my doctor about it.  He pointed out that I had basically ignored my own health for nearly 2 years.  My medical symptoms are in full force, so he wants to tackle one thing at a time.  He said that we will work on weight loss later, partly because this kind of stress causes our bodies to pump out cortisol, which tells our bodies, "Uh-oh, there's something going on. better hold on to every ounce of fat possible just in case." (Well, words to that effect.)  So next year at some point when other things are stabilized, we can talk about it again.  I am not allowed to skip meals or overdo activity.  I am allowed to have whatever foods give me comfort right now.  Give yourself time and permission to do whatever helps you get through the day.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow.  I am sending you big hugs for tomorrow and beyond.

 

@foreverhis Yes, I too think we would hit if off very well.  It sounds as though the rural area was a special place for both you and your love.  

I agree with you on the reasons why the 2 month mark seems even harder.  I think the 1st month is spent swamped with preparations for memorials etc., followed by the legalities and the entire you're still in shock and disbelief that this is really happening at all.  Then after things start to slow down reality starts to rear it's ugly head in a not so nice way.  So yes it called for another chocolate pie day before yesterday and I finished it up yesterday.  The only plus is at least I'm able to eat now where as the 1st month I wasn't and had actually lost quite a bit of weight from that.  I have always had my weight bounce up and down anyway, so even if I do put some on hopefully it will come back off in time, plus my David liked me with some meat on my bones.  LOL he put a meme on his FB page one time that said skinny girls are for sissies lol.  You are exactly correct about cortisol and the effects it has on holding onto fat in the body, especially around the middle.  I am also a smoker so my docs are more focused on getting me to stop smoking before I lose weight, and they all know right now neither is going to happen. My disabilities as with yours forces my activity to be very limited so I'm sure any weight loss this go around is going to be a lot harder to remove.  It's wonderful that your docs are being understanding with you as well on your activity, weight loss, etc.  LOL if you are like I am it ain't going to do them any good to get too concerned anyway cause I'm only going to do what I want, when I want to anyway, regardless of how much fussing they do.      

My great niece got discharged from the hospital yesterday just in time for Santa to make his rounds last night which was wonderful news. :).  She still has a tough journey ahead of her, but the therapist said she feels for now she's doing well, so I'm keeping the prayers going that she continues doing so.  

I didn't make it to bed until 9:30 or 10 Am this morning due to pain, so most of today was spent sleeping which was probably more of a good thing instead of a bad thing.  I had a friend who had invited me to spend Christmas with her and her family, but I decided to stay home today instead.  The closest I got to a Christmas meal today was a Ham and Colby cheese sandwich that I got at the local grocery store lol, but I just couldn't bring myself to do Christmas today, it just wasn't in the cards for several reasons, but mostly because my David isn't here to do it with me.  

I hope you were able to get through the day with a smile brought to your face from remembering those memories, and hugs to you on what I know was a difficult day for you as well.  

On ‎12‎/‎24‎/‎2018 at 7:09 AM, KayC said:

I am so glad and relieved to hear this!  It had crossed my mind but then I thought maybe they didn't have one there.  So glad she doesn't have to worry about sleeping in her car and even Christmas presents waiting for her!  

Under the Christmas tree can look a little bare when your partner is gone, but my sister sent a gift and so did someone I'm on the Praise Team with. Will be thinking of you all and hoping your day has something bright in it...and that you are feeling better after your fall, you had enough on your plate w/o that!

@KayC My Gr niece got sprung yesterday from the facility and got to come home.  How sweet of your sister and Praise team member for the special gifts on what I know was a difficult day for you dear friend.  My neighbor left me a gift hanging on my front door yesterday of a plaque about memories are Forever and a lovely card to go with it.  I'm doing ok from the fall I think I'm getting pretty much to my "normal" lol which is actually  "abnormal"   

Hugs and Prayers for you and for All my buddies here.  My you all find strength this Holiday Season.  I have a beautiful meme that I put on Dave's FB page if I can figure out how to post it here I'll share it with you all.  

[crackerjack4u]

Here is the meme I put on My David's FB page today.

[KayC]

I'm glad you were able to finally sleep, even if it's reversed from most of the world.  I'm also glad your gr-niece got out and continue to pray for her.

Our electricity was out for the second time this week on Christmas Day!  They just said a Bonneville Power failure, yay.  Messed up a lot of people's Christmases and ruined their dinners.  My generator was stolen but it was George that always took care of it, I could neither lift it nor know how to hook it up, they scare me, so many house fires from them.

I wouldn't worry about the weight right now.  I lost weight after George died, then gained it back with a vengeance, too much emotional eating.  Another thing I didn't have to deal with when he was here.

[crackerjack4u]

@KayC Thank you hun.  Prayers are always appreciated. 

It's awful that the electric company can't get their stuff together in order to keep it going, I'm sure they'll be receiving many phone calls regarding the ruined Christmases, but sadly the damage has already been done.  

I'm so sorry your generator got stolen, did that happen this year, or in the past?  Our power went out for apparently a short period of time throughout the night about a week ago, and if the clocks hadn't been flashing, and the stereo hadn't been on-(when the power goes off and then comes back on it for some reason resets the stereo and turns it on which was kind of a creepy feeling the 1st time I woke up to the sound of music blasting in the other room, yet I was here alone.)  Otherwise, I wouldn't have even know it had gone out, so I guess it wasn't off long or the house would have gotten much colder inside.   

We have 2 fairly large size portable generators here-(one is a older model that we bought at a pawn shop and the other is brand new one that we bought when we determined the older one worked but had something going on with the carburetor and it would speed up and then slow way down, and it would often stop running during use having to be restarted during the night over and over again.  I don't know a lot about how to use them either, luckily ours are on wheels with handles to pull them with, so I don't have to worry about lifting them, but I do need to try to learn how to use them before a big ice storm hits here rendering us powerless for a week or something, which tends to happen here with most any ice storm we have. Many generators have gotten stolen here in our town too, so I might just crack a window in the garage, and start it up in there if need be so I don't have to pull out the big heavy log chain to lock them up with outside? I bought a wagon on wheels off of Amazon that has been a complete life saver for moving objects around that you might want to check into.  I use it to get groceries from the car, and everything but we have the wheelchair ramp here making it much easier to get it and it's contents into the house, etc.    

Luckily, I do have the Onan generator on the RV that I kind of know how to use, but have never used it out in the field on a trip or anything because the RV never made it out of the driveway, but I was the only one who ever started the generator, and attempted to keep it maintained, etc. by reading the manual on it because Dave's eyes had gotten too bad for him to be able to do that, so if worse comes to worse, I suppose I could always move me, my niece, and the critters to the RV to stay warm, and deal with any pipes inside the house that freeze and burst afterwards.   I don't think the RV generator would be big enough to run it for heat inside the RV, and also hook up a cord to the house, but that would be a possibility I guess.  I might be able to hook up a small electric heater in the basement off it to help keep the pipes from freezing?   We've also got a kerosene heater here, and plenty of kerosene that I could set up and run in the basement if I had too, but I'd have to air out the entire house when coming back in, or open windows while it was running to prevent getting poisoned to death from the fumes.   Things like this sure makes us miss our loves even more, doesn't it?   Even if Dave wasn't able to see well enough to do things himself, he could at least talk me through how to do it.  

Hugs to you dear friend.   I forgot to ask did the power issue effect you getting to go to your family's house for Christmas too?  

[KayC]

If you're able to drain the water completely, your pipes shouldn't burst.  I make do with my woodstove and flashlights but since I'm on a well, that means no water when electricity is out and it has been known to be out for days...which can mean loss of food even in the freezer.  If it's only a day, the freezer is usually okay, might lose ice cream.  I keep a dozen gal. water on hand for drinking or flushing toilet. 

I had left before the power went out and it came back on just before I got home so I was lucky...the rest of the town, not so much!  I really felt for my neighbors, their dinners and celebrations were pretty much ruined.

[crackerjack4u]

1 hour ago, KayC said:

If you're able to drain the water completely, your pipes shouldn't burst.  I make do with my woodstove and flashlights but since I'm on a well, that means no water when electricity is out and it has been known to be out for days...which can mean loss of food even in the freezer.  If it's only a day, the freezer is usually okay, might lose ice cream.  I keep a dozen gal. water on hand for drinking or flushing toilet. 

I had left before the power went out and it came back on just before I got home so I was lucky...the rest of the town, not so much!  I really felt for my neighbors, their dinners and celebrations were pretty much ruined.

It's so sad that that happened to your neighbors and town, but I'm so glad you got to go see your family for Christmas.  

That's true about draining the pipes I hadn't even considered that. (Seems my thought processes are preoccupied or nonexistent most of the time anymore).  

I lived in a home years ago that was out in the middle of nowhere.  It had a well and we got tons of snow and ice that year which had us snowed in-(actually our vehicle was bottomed out in the driveway because the snow was so deep) We were stuck there, and had no power for 6 days. Thankfully we had a country stove and plenty of wood so we all slept in the basement in front of it and used candles and Coleman lanterns for light at night, I cooked on the bar B Q grill, and coleman stove.  We melted snow for flushing, or stepped out the back door into the woods lol.   That year we ended up burying all our freezer and refrigerator stuff in trash bags in a huge snow drift so it wouldn't spoil.   I had 2 dogs at the time-one was super smart and was sharp as a tack, and the other one was lol dumb as a rock.  I looked outside one day and there went the smart one running down the hill with a huge T-Bone steak in it's mouth, and the dumb one following closely behind with a boxed frozen pot pie.  LOL I thought that was the funniest thing ever, and it only proved which dog was the smartest of the 2.  

Hugs to you dear friend.  

 

[KayC]

Haha, I loved your story about the dogs!  Yep, been there, done that, peed in the woods, put food outside where it's cold, kept warm by the fire.  I do have one of those kerosene lanterns if need be.  And the barbecue, I''ve done the same thing, barbecued in winter.  My former wood stove I could cook on, but the one I have you'd have to take apart and it's heavy, probably won't ever do that with it.  Keep comfy, my friend!

[crackerjack4u]

They do also make battery operated Coleman lanterns too.  I have several of them.  Some use the big square batteries and some use D, I prefer the big square battery ones cause the D batteries don't last long enough and you can't very well use rechargeable batteries with no electric to charge them up.  Hugs to you.  Are you suppose to get any of that snow?  

[KayC]

I got some Christmas night, yesterday, a bit this morning, will tonight, tomorrow, Monday night, hopefully not much.  I have to work at the church all day New Years doing end of month and year end reports, pay bills, etc.  I'll save a lot of end of the year stuff (W-2s, gov't reporting) for later.  It's always a bit concerning when we get a lot of snow as we can't count on the county plowing the roads.

I have a large flashlight with that big square battery in it, I've actually used it like a lantern, it puts out a fair amount of light.

[crackerjack4u]

I haven't commented on my thread in awhile, been doing some behind the scenes chatting with my buddy @KayC who PM'd me about a month ago to check on me because I hadn't been posting on the site like I usually do.  Thank you for pulling me back up by my boot straps KayC, and being there for me during a very low time in this horrible process, and for taking the time to chat with me day after day since then, I so appreciate it. 

I thought I'd just touch base with everyone to let you all know what all has been going on since I last posted on here.   Well, I'm still kind of sorta getting by in the big ole lonely world, and still missing my David like crazy.  I can't say things are getting any easier because they are far from it. His clothes, and all his belongings are still right where he left them, and will be there for quite some time I'm sure.  I know he's gone, but this all still seems like a huge nightmare that I wish I could wake up from, and everything will be back to the way it's was suppose to be, but sadly, that never happens.

My niece, who was living with me, was able to get into her own apartment on January 3rd which is wonderful because what I didn't tell you all is that when I took her in she had fallen on hard times, and was actually homeless and living on the street or in shelters at the time,  so I allowed her to move in with me until she could save up enough money working to get a down payment on an apartment. So far she seems to be doing really well there, and her apartment is just right around the block from me so she is able to stop by occasionally to visit. 

Poor Ole Scruffy, AKA Crazy dog took a turn for the worse (he had multiple tumors that were unable to be removed again and they were growing too much causing him a lot of major medical issues), he had to be put to sleep on January 14th.  I had him cremated and his ashes are up on the shelf with Dave's now.  When Dave's ashes are placed in the burial plot (after I die), I plan to have scruffy's bag of ashes placed inside Dave's bag of ashes so they can be buried together, but for now they are both staying right here with me.  I cried and cried when they put him down, it's never a good time for a loss but it was way too close to losing Dave and I completely lost it.  

I recently had my 3 grandbabies here for 4 days - (ages 2, 4, and 9) and 2 oldest ones were sick the entire time coughing and running high fevers, so I was getting up every couple of hours through the night to put covers on and take covers off of them, checking temps, and giving Tylenol to bring their fevers back down. (Not that any of us was sleeping much anyway because we all were sleeping in the same room. The 2 oldest coughed all night long the entire 4 nights, so they got little/no sleep, and the coughing was waking the youngest one up and she'd cry all night, so it was a mess for sure).  Thankfully all my babies are well now, but it was a rough few days for everyone, and Naw Naw, as well as, all the babies were completely exhausted. LOL it took days for Naw Naw to recoup from that, but it sure was nice to be able to spend some time with my babies.   Last Wednesday the wind chill here got to Negative 25 below zero, so we all just stayed in our PJ's, under the covers all day and night cause it was way too cold to attempt to do anything else. Even the babies going to the potty was miserable cause it was so cold when we were out from under the covers.  

 I've went to karaoke a couple more times with my friend who does the karaoke show to try to get out of the house some because the walls often feel like they are closing in, and although I often feel guilty for being there because David can't be there with me like he use to be, I do think getting out some and being around people, and just not being home alone all the time helps, Some.  

The people who were buying my cabin surprised me, as they had an annual payment due yesterday (They pay me a large annual payment, until it is paid off, instead of paying a smaller monthly amount), and then they would have had a payment due next Feb 5th to pay off the balance, but since Dave passed away they decided to go ahead and completely pay me off for what they owed me on it, so we got the Deed recorded yesterday, and that's one less stressor that I have to worry about.  

Other than the typical Dr's appointments, and loving up on my other fur babies that's about the jest of what all that has been going on since Christmas.   Thankfully I have also remained upright, and not had any further falls.

I also want to say congrats to @ModHerc for being named Mod on this fine site. 

I hope all of you are doing well.  Keeping you all in my prayers as we struggle through this difficult journey together.  

Here are some pics of Scruffy, my fur baby that I had to have put to sleep.  

  

[KayC]

Ahh, Scruffy is adorable and no wonder you miss him so much!  Hard enough losing your husband but your dog too, and so soon?!

 

[JES]

I am so sorry you also lost your Scruffy, what a little cutie.  They are our family too, and extra difficult with loss of your husband. I feel pain for you, I have my 2 springers with me but have lost others in the past. Never easy...  I am glad you were able to post again,  kudos to Kay for reaching out to you, and making sure you were ok.  I fully believe God puts angels amongst us and that KayC is one of them.  Blessings to you!  Jeanne

[foreverhis]

4 hours ago, JES said:

I fully believe God puts angels amongst us and that KayC is one of them. 

I could not agree more.  She is a real treasure.  I'm pretty sure she'll say she's just a woman who is trying to make it through as best as she can and hoping to help others along the way.  But isn't that what an angel is?

[crackerjack4u]

Thank you all. Yes it was certainly sad losing Scruffy too throughout an already difficult time. JES and Foreverhis,   I so agree with you that I'm pretty sure KayC is a angel sent to help pull us up when we are down. She is a wonderful person and I am blessed to call her my friend.     

[KayC]

Naw, not an angel, but I feel the one blessed to have you treasures in my life, I just wish it was under better circumstances we met!

[foreverhis]

4 hours ago, KayC said:

Naw, not an angel, but I feel the one blessed to have you treasures in my life, I just wish it was under better circumstances we met!

See?   I knew you'd say that.  I think it's true that we bring something good to your life too and could not agree more about the horrible circumstances that have led us all here.

But I've always believed that some angels, the human ones, have no idea they are angels.  They simply try to make the lives of those around them better, to uplift others when they are falling, to give hope to those who are hopeless.  This describes you, my friend, so I will stick to my belief that a higher power (in whatever form we believe) sends angels to us in the form of other humans, the literal embodiment of what my husband and I agreed is inspiration (the Latin is inspirante). 

[crackerjack4u]

On ‎2‎/‎7‎/‎2019 at 8:53 AM, KayC said:

Naw, not an angel, but I feel the one blessed to have you treasures in my life, I just wish it was under better circumstances we met!

I too hun wish it was under better circumstances.