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Loss of an Adult Child


momofJustin

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Happy birthday Mason! Send your family signs and love!

Michael, I know men and women grieves differently but I dont notoce who is who, I cant even keep names straight anymore. I just come here so i know someone else feels like I do.

I have seen that poem before and I have always liked it!

Trying to keep hopeful but my husband is not doing well. They performed a tracheotomy and have turned off all sedation meds but he is not responding to any stimuli at this moment. Waiting, hoping he starts to respond. If not, CT and MRI to see if there is a cause they can see. Previous CT was negative. If the MRI shows stroke or something, its already too late. 

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Virginia, That is a lot to be dealing with.   I hope you get some better news from the hospital soon.  Roz.

Carol ,  birthday wishes to Mason  , a very emotional day for you to navigate. Roz

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Danielle Masata

Virginia, I’m so sorry that your husband has had such a battle. My heart aches for you. It is a confusing lesson in medical techniques I hope no one, other than doctors, have to learn and know. We are right with you; waiting right by your side. 
 

Roz, happy belated birthday to Mason. I hope your two Covid patients are doing okay. 

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So it dawned on me: if Christopher dies, not only is he my best friend of 15 years, he is my witness to the last 11 years with Nique.  Feels like I am faced with losing both of them, not just him.

Kyle finally expressed his feelings and we had a good talk. We talked about what happens to us and our family if daddy doesn't come home.

 

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Danielle Masata

Virginia.... all I say can say is... oh my.  oh, oh, oh ... I'm shaking for you.  literally shaking .  I am so, so, so beyond the fear of the message you sent here.   Waiting, waiting, waiting right with you. Oh this is so scary.

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Virginia,  that sounds as if Christopher isn’t making good progress so , of course, you are going to be thinking as you are and trying to prepare yourself and Kyle for the worse.    There is still hope isn’t there that he can recover?    I hope that you are getting strong support with all this worry.  
Everyone here , including yourself, knows all about the worse happening in our lives and it’s natural that you brace yourself for that but that may not be what happens this time.  
 Try to look after yourself as best you can with rest , nutrition and , very importantly, hydration so you can keep going - all this will be taking a lot out of you.

Strength ,  Roz

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Michael Rodriguez

im so sorry virginia , i hope you get some good news soon ....im sure we are all praying for you. really there is not much i or the rest of us can say , but that we are here in spirit and hoping for some kind of recovery .......if you dont mind asking , how old is Christopher and Kyle ???

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NiquesMom

There is always hope, but i am realistic and just trying to remener it may not turn out like I want it to.

Christopher is 51 and kyle is 8

I am just tired.

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Danielle Masata

I was trying to figure how I could help.  I'm sure your hospital is doing everything possible, but if Chris could benefit from whatever antibodies that could be present in my blood (-B), please let me know.  I'd fly down to help.  Just got a booster shot almost 3 weeks ago, so it'd be a good time.  I don't know if they do that procedure anymore, but I recall it was talked about so much last year and it was found to be very helpful at least back then, before other techniques have become more common.  It's so hard to wait, but please know we're here and want to help however we can.

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Michael Rodriguez

he is so young .......and it just broke my heart for kyle .....kid is only 8 years old and he has gone through so much.....im so far away , i just can offer my prayers for all of you 

i just realized that you are in florida , im probably closer than most !!!!!

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NiquesMom

You are all so sweet! Please just pray.

I take each day a it comes, he has good and not so good things each day. They are trying to take him off sedation, so hopefully in the next few days he will be able to talk to us, if everything goes well.

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Carol,  Been thinking about you.   How is everything at your place ?   Have you stayed free of covid?  I hope everyone is getting better . Roz

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Mason’s Mom

Roz, everyone in our home has had Covid including me. This is day 6 for me.  I am very tired and sore. My son in law is staying with his mom so he can continue to work.  We got an infusion as soon as we tested positive,  it is supposed to lessen the symptoms and length of illness. I think it helped. It has been hard because I haven't felt like doing anything to occupy my mind. 

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NiquesMom

The only thing I could do when I was sick was watch "Frazier" on Hulu.

Glad to hear your got the infusion, please stay safe!

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Is the infusion you’re speaking of the Monoclonal antibodies one?   I don’t think that it’s an ‘everyday’ treatment in the uk.  It has been approved here but I understand that it’s very expensive (£1000 - £2000 a pop ) so the NHS wouldn’t be giving it out unless someone was extremely vulnerable .  It sounds really useful - I’m glad you gained access and benefit from it.    Roz

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Danielle Masata

Mason's mom, I'm betting no one in your family has gotten the vaccine.  I'm happy you have been given the monoclonal drug, and that it's available to many, not just a limited few who "can afford it", but I wonder how it is that taking more experimental drug is a preferred direction over the vaccine.  Maybe it was just a matter of timing.  My husband read a book about the mRNA science and it actually has been studied for over 20 years.  I know it's also a political topic -- not necessarily a scientific one -- but I'm fascinated to learn more about the vax resistance viewpoint. (The students I tutor are not vaccinated, but I don't ask them to explain.  One is from Ukraine and others from Poland.)  To me, the risk of getting super sick if I had gotten Covid, given my medical profile, was so much greater than whatever I may have encountered with the vaccine. I waited until over 100K people had already been "jabbed", but I certainly did hesitate last year when I first heard about the vaccine.   

Ultimately, Patrick died as a result of the depression he felt about Covid restrictions and the social isolation and lack of access to anyone other than the drug guys who lived not far from us.  He struggled for years, but it was Covid that pushed him over.  I ended up getting the vaccine for him because I know this is what could have saved him; he just didn't think the possibility that the vaccine would roll out soon.  And that "the world could open up".  (Apologies if you're tired of thinking or writing or reading about the topic.  I can delete my post if you'd prefer.  Please let me know.)

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Danielle,  you didn’t say anything that needed to be deleted.

 My husband is T1 diabetic too so I didn’t hesitate getting the vax - we live in Devon in a seaside town and , apart from in the holiday season , we are fortunate enough to be away from large numbers of people although our daughter is nearer London .   I was nervous about the covid-19 jab as I had had a terrible reaction to a vaccination when I was younger but then  I’m on pins just going for my flu shot each year.    It’s a difficult decision for many people to make for a variety of reasons.

It must have been so worrying for you when Patrick despaired that the world wouldn’t open up again any time soon - I’m so sorry it was too much for him .   It has been a desperate time for so many families - quite unbelievable.

Only chatting but if I may ask you about your brittle diabetes - do you get strong warning signs when you are going low?  I ask because my husband does not - he has a very pleasant sensation that doesn’t give him any urgency to correct it.   He has been a diabetic for decades and his original insulin was porcine and bovine mix - it gave warning signs that could not be ignored .  In the day time he would have ages to sort it out if necessary and if he became low whilst sleeping he would wake soon enough to see to himself - he said it felt like he was going to burst out of his skin.  Then, unfortunately for him,  Humulin was rolled out to all diabetics here and his usual insulin no longer prescribed-  hardly any low warnings at all with that .  He is now on a porcine insulin and lots of testing - the bovine mix is no longer available but it was as close to perfect for him.     No need to answer if you would prefer not to. Sorry if that is the case.  Roz

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Danielle Masata

Hi Roz.  Don't know you know this, but I was first dx'd with diabetes when I was 4 months pregnant with Patrick.  The Dr. said it was gestational, but of course it wasn't.  There I was, a hormonal new mother, learning I had T1, with a premie baby (3.8 lbs) who didn't even yet the sucking instinct and a zillion other attachments including a gastro-nasal feeding tube down his throat.  What a beginning.  These days, my diabetes is incredibly well managed (if only) due to a continuous glucose monitor.  What a huge improvement.  I used to use the DexCom, but their alarms were too annoying.  I now use the 14-day Libre system.  Easy to insert, better attachment, lighter and smaller too.  It can wake me up if I'm low, but I don't need that any more.  Before the CGM system, my warning signs happened in the middle of the night when I'd toss-and-turn and get all sweaty.  My husband, a light sleeper, would notice this and for hours to get me to drink something .... exhausting. I haven't had those lows for years.  Now I just whisk this device past the small attachment in my arm and it tests my blood. I turn on the access to the alarms during the day because I just forget to snack and this system can warn me if I'm running low. Plus is gives my history, in terms of graphs and numbers.  Best part of the CGM is the graphs that shows how my blood is reacting to food/insulin/exercise/and stress. It's been a huge relief to no longer worry about the middle of the night crashes.  For meds, I use Humalog as my basal (at each meal/snack) and Toujeo for my bolus (1x nightly).  My latest A1C was 6.5! I hope your insurance allows for the CGM system. I'd never go without it.

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Danielle, Well done, that sounds perfect.    The NHS covers most things here.  My husband didn’t want to use the Libre system - I don’t know why he isn’t keen as it looks great and I’ve tried to convince him but he is not keen to get onboard.  His A1C results are good and he hasn’t needed any medical attention or intervention (touch wood).  We were living in New Zealand when he got his diagnosis- our doctor phoned on a Sunday morning with two test results - my husband was T1 and I was pregnant - odd day !  My husband worked for an architectural practice that moved us around the world (he is a chartered engineer specialising in hospital design)  - he has had a career without interruption , thoroughly enjoying his jet set life and his profession.  I think he has been very lucky - he didn’t live his life as a well behaved diabetic and he never let it stop him doing anything he wanted to.  He is retired now but right or wrong he lives his life his way as always. Roz

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Mason’s Mom

Danielle,  you are right we haven't received the vaccine. I will say that I honestly would prefer to have evidence that the vaccine was tested and was not rushed. I have friends that have and some that have not. I have seen both groups get very ill as well as those who died. There are so many unknowns. It is a choice that is personal and I don't like that it creates division. The thing that I try to keep in mind since the loss of my son is that we shouldn't judge others. That was one of Mason's traits that I work to improve in myself. 

 

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Danielle Masata

Roz, I suspect your husband's reluctance to any system, DexCom or Libre, is that it's an attachment.  I get it.  I used a pump for years and years and hated it cuz it was always dragging me down, like a useless extra appendage.  My brother, also T1, refused getting a monitor cuz he didn't like attachments at all.  But Libre is really different.  Small, easy to insert, and I just forget it.  But the information it provides, always testing me, is exactly what I need to determine my highs, lows, and amounts of insulin.  Besides, who doesn't like useful information, available if he wants it. (DexCom is a more involved system.)  I hope he discovers how helpful it can be.  My brother has, and now would never go without it.  

Mason's mom, I like the trait Mike went by: don't judge others.  You/he are so right.  The only evidence I determined that a vaccine was "safe" was that so many, by now, have gotten it.  Then again, I was one of the first to take a polio sugar cube, back in the day.  My mom was terrified we'd get polio after a good friend's son got it.  See photo.  Now sadly, the whole vaccine "debate" has been so divisive, at least from what I've seen on the news.  From what I know/read, getting the vaccine has lessened symptoms that one can get if infected.  And generally helps to keep the infected from even having bad symptoms that require a hospital visit.  Most around here, friends and family, have been vaccinated.  I know only two people who have been vaccinated and tested positive and both avoided a hospital stay.  One only got tested cuz it was required for work, but other than that had no symptoms but had been exposed.   I don't know anyone who had gotten vaccinated and yet died from Covid.  Did you actually know someone  personally who had been vaccinated but died (I'm so sorry!!!) or was it something you read?

Here's a photo of us getting the polio sugar cube:

Polio sugar cube.jpg

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Mason’s Mom

Danielle, the person I mentioned that had been fully vaccinated was my son in laws aunt. She was a healthy 62 year old. 

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Carol - that’s awful, must have been a terrible shock to her family.   With each day are you all getting better ? It can be a real slog.  ( is ‘slog’ a word you use? = hard work).      What strange times we are living in.   Roz
 

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Danielle Masata

Roz, I'm certain no one wore face masks. It probably looked as it does cuz it's B/W. The photo was taken in 1962.  The "only" other worry we had back then, aside from polio was the air raids our school had, where we'd sit in the hallways.  Remember those?

Carol, I'm so very, very sorry to hear about your aunt-inlaw.  That must have been a frightening scare, and so sad.  I can imagine just how reluctant you and your family must be about the vaccine after a member did everything "right" and still died.  These stories remind me of just how pernicious Covid can be.  The one that really saddens me is how healthy pregnant unvaccinated moms are avoiding the vaccine, then later die, because they worried about safety.  There is so little talk about the devastating affects of Covid around here, but I don't know that's because our state had so much loss early into the pandemic, because vaccination rates are so high, or because we are all now practicing safe practices like masks and social distance.  I don't know anyone who died of Covid.  Still, so much uncertainty, even after all this time!  I hope your family is safe and getting healthy by now.

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Danielle,  you had air raids and sat in the hallways in 1962?  Who were you expecting ? Was it the Russian missiles?    When we lived in New Zealand we would have alarms and practice getting under tables but that was because of earthquakes. Roz

I was being lazy -  Googled it and am now up to speed.  Roz

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Danielle Masata

Roz, Were those air raids due to the Cuban Missile Crisis or early Vietnam?  It was a rather scary time.  Roz, I think we went under our desks too. Hurricanes, floods, and blizzards maybe, but no earthquakes. Writing about this now is similar to my earlier tutoring.  My student had all sorts of questions about the '78 Blizzard and Hurricane Sandy in 2012.  Why do I remember so much, when I can just type in google?!

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Danielle,  I grew up in England - we didn’t didn’t do any exercises for any attack .  I wasn’t alive in WWII but there was , and is, evidence of the air raid shelters from that time.    I went to live in  Australia and New Zealand when I was 19.  It was in New Zealand that we had many earthquakes and, therefore, the need for drills so we knew what to do.  One of the reasons why we left New Zealand.  Roz

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Carol ,    Tomorrow, Friday , is my lovely  David’s birthday.  I will have to practice what I preach and remember how fortunate  we were to have him with us and try not to dwell ,any more than I usually do,  on the sadness of losing him.   It breaks my heart that this is forever - it is so bleak .    Roz

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Mason’s Mom
1 hour ago, Changed said:

Carol ,    Tomorrow, Friday , is my lovely  David’s birthday.  I will have to practice what I preach and remember how fortunate  we were to have him with us and try not to dwell ,any more than I usually do,  on the sadness of losing him.   It breaks my heart that this is forever - it is so bleak .    Roz

Roz, I know how you feel. Don't beat yourself up for feelings of sadness and the bleakness of the future.  Let yourself grieve your son , David. Remember the good times and what made him special. Holding in the pain is unhealthy. I will be thinking about you and David,  I hope you can find some peace and comfort. Happy early birthday David. 

Carol 

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Danielle Masata

This so hard.  I still haven't grasped the concept you wrote,  "It breaks my heart that this is forever".  As much as I try to help friends who currently suffer with son's who have addiction tendencies, and they say I am "so strong", I can't truly fathom that we won't have our Patrick home for those special occasions, especially Christmas.  He was always home.  Even when he lived in an apartment for a few months last year, he'd still come home because he missed us, not to do his laundry or to eat a meal, but just because he missed us.  Oh sigh!

Roz, I hope you have your day well planned, either by keeping super busy or by allowing yourself to slow a moment and remember the special gifts of joy David brought to your lives.  My husband is not a believer of an afterlife, but I feel Patrick has a presence in mine.  Sometimes I write to him, sometimes I talk to him, and other times, I just keep him in my head and he still knows I'm here.  In that same respect, I hope you'll communicate to your David (sing, write, talk, etc.) and tell him he is loved.

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Thank you.    Yesterday was tough but today , Dave’s actual birthday, seems calmer somehow.   The build up always seems to be worse than the day itself.

I struggle to focus on good memories and still feel that I’m stuck in the despair of his death rather than the joy of his life.  I realise that is not healthy.  
Roz

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NiquesMom

Roz, happy birthday to David! 

We all know how hard it is to balance good memories and bad memories. Just remember to breathe and that whatever you do and however you feel is right for you.

I don't know that I will ever get to the point where the first thought of my daughter doesn't go to the car accident, before I remember there was 18 years of memories before that.

My mom passed away 22 years ago and still the first picture that pops in my head before any others is her in the bed in hospice.  It no longer makes me sad but it is still the first memory.

I hope you have a peaceful day, and a sign from David.

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Michael Rodriguez
2 hours ago, Changed said:

Thank you.    Yesterday was tough but today , Dave’s actual birthday, seems calmer somehow.   The build up always seems to be worse than the day itself.

I struggle to focus on good memories and still feel that I’m stuck in the despair of his death rather than the joy of his life.  I realise that is not healthy.  
Roz

roz, happy belated b'day for david.....i really hope you had a calm day nad sadness wasnt to overwhelming

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Mason’s Mom

Roz, sending thoughts of peace and comfort.  Happy birthday to David. 

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Danielle Masata

Roz, first happy belated birthday to you, your family, and to David.  I hope your day went as well as could be expected, maybe better.

You mentioned how it's sometimes hard to remember the "good memories".  I know just what you mean.  Although Patrick's actual death was totally unexpected, we knew for a very, very long that he struggled.  He even wrote about that himself and that he wished he could go back in time before he was addicted to drugs and alcohol, in 2005.  Don't we all wish we could go back in time?  But, even if I could, I know he struggled from the time he was a newborn.  Gosh, the doctor performed an emergency C-section because of what the sonogram showed.  He was so cute and so young and huggable when he was little.  Would we go to this?  At Patrick's memorial service, after I shared some of Patrick's writing with the priest, he read something Patrick had written when he was 10 years old because not only was it so insightful but also showed his challenges.  Would I go back to this point?  UGH!  Instead, and to help me with those days when I know I can't change the past even though I wish I could, I created an album of specific memories to remind me of the true story about Patrick -- the good and the bad.  This morning, for example, when searching for something behind a crawl space, I found an uncapped bottle of wine, my husband's, that we had had in the basement.  Who knows how long it was sitting there. I'm certain we removed all the bottles years ago, but finding it today was a reminder of just how much Patrick struggled.  I have lots and lots of happy photos of our Patrick all over the house, but this true-story about Patrick -- the good and the bad -- is just for me.  I'm always, always sad, but the fact that I have this album is a reminder that he'd still probably be struggling even now.  Sounds awful, but I know that when I need to, I can look through this (secret) album and know that he is at last at peace.  

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I appreciate everyone’s kind words.   I know that you all understand and share my emotions.   

Danielle,  revisiting your son’s struggles must be so painful but natural , I’m so sorry for him and for you. 

Virginia,  it’s like we have been branded with the mark of that moment in time when we lost people so close to us - that brand mark is the first thing we see.  You were only a young woman when you lost your mum and you wouldn’t have had her around when you had Nique - that’s tough - do you think they are together now?   My mum died 7 years ago and I like to think that she and David are together but I haven’t figured out how that works yet.  My beliefs are all over the place.    

Michael, you got the correct date - thanks for caring.  You will have a lot on your own plate so it’s lovely of you to reach out to me.

Carol,    How are you?   I imagine your worry mode must have gone into overdrive with everyone in the house ill - all on top of Mason’s birthday - I hope that it is all calming down a bit now - have you been able to start back to work yet,  for the distraction if nothing else?

Peace,  Roz
 


 

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Mason’s Mom

Roz, sending thoughts of peace and comfort.  Happy birthday to David. 

Everyone is much better and I will start working again on Monday.  Still working from home so that is good as I haven't rested well recently. 

You mentioned our loved ones being together. I like to think Mason is with my Dad and Tim's Grandma. He was close to both of them.  Mason is buried next to my Dad. Mason was Tim's Grandma's favorite great grandchild and he adored her too.

Carol

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NiquesMom

Roz, 

I know my mom was the first one Nique saw when she crossed over. She is with both of my parents, and I know they all watch over us.

I am sure david and your mom are together as well.

I know a lot of people struggle with their faith when faced with a loss. However it made mine stronger. I know I will see all those i love again and that they watch out for us. We dont understand Gods plan, and I try to remember that even though I miss my daughter and parents, they are in the best place possible and free of all pain.

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Danielle Masata

Roz, inspired by your message, "do you think they are together now?   My mum died 7 years ago and I like to think that she and David are together".....  I don't tread too deeply into my religion when I try to figure out where our Patrick is now.  Although we are both Catholics and I always thought my husband was much more religious than I was, but he has made it very clear his viewpoint has changed.  He attributes it to books he has read, which included lots of scientific philosophers, but I also think his changed belief is due to his close relationship with the son he lost.  By contrast, my mom (who lived with us until she died at 96 yo in 2013) was so very, very religious that she was one of a few laypersons associated with a close knit relationship with a monastery when she lived in CA.  I'm somewhere in between, but I truly feel that my mom has taken care of my Patrick in their new world.  He loved her and she him.  She always knew how much he needed guidance and nurturing and, in fact, brought back from the Vatican blessed water just for him.  It was a terribly honest relationship since she fully understood his many struggles.  For that, I feel he is safe, loved, and knows who he can trust.

Carol, thanks for the update.  I'm relieved to see everyone is starting to recover, including you.  I hope you continue to get a good rest.

Virginia, I'd like to think that Chris is also starting to robustly recover and that Kyle will have a fun-filled long weekend. I don't recall seeing any updates about Chris, so I assume that 's a good sign.  Your and Roz's post has made me not question my religion as much.  I so want to thoroughly believe, like my mom.

Michael, I'm thinking of you, especially since I haven't heard from you in awhile.  I wondered if you were traveling.  It's Sunday here and you're likely to be visiting B's gravesite today.  Hope you're doing okay.

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Michael Rodriguez
8 hours ago, Danielle Masata said:

Roz, inspired by your message, "do you think they are together now?   My mum died 7 years ago and I like to think that she and David are together".....  I don't tread too deeply into my religion when I try to figure out where our Patrick is now.  Although we are both Catholics and I always thought my husband was much more religious than I was, but he has made it very clear his viewpoint has changed.  He attributes it to books he has read, which included lots of scientific philosophers, but I also think his changed belief is due to his close relationship with the son he lost.  By contrast, my mom (who lived with us until she died at 96 yo in 2013) was so very, very religious that she was one of a few laypersons associated with a close knit relationship with a monastery when she lived in CA.  I'm somewhere in between, but I truly feel that my mom has taken care of my Patrick in their new world.  He loved her and she him.  She always knew how much he needed guidance and nurturing and, in fact, brought back from the Vatican blessed water just for him.  It was a terribly honest relationship since she fully understood his many struggles.  For that, I feel he is safe, loved, and knows who he can trust.

Carol, thanks for the update.  I'm relieved to see everyone is starting to recover, including you.  I hope you continue to get a good rest.

Virginia, I'd like to think that Chris is also starting to robustly recover and that Kyle will have a fun-filled long weekend. I don't recall seeing any updates about Chris, so I assume that 's a good sign.  Your and Roz's post has made me not question my religion as much.  I so want to thoroughly believe, like my mom.

Michael, I'm thinking of you, especially since I haven't heard from you in awhile.  I wondered if you were traveling.  It's Sunday here and you're likely to be visiting B's gravesite today.  Hope you're doing okay.

thanks danielle, yes i was at his grave site thursday,saturday and again today. im also catholic,even have a first cousin who is a cardinal and another cousin who is a bishop, and a priest who has become a good friend!!

from what i have read, most everybody is ok. thinking and hoping chris is doing much better. 

i believe we need to have faith, we have to have hope and believe that even though we cant see God or touch him , he is right here with us , and B should be also. so ,i just pray that my faith in that someday i will see B and the child that we lost a week before his scheduled birth back in nov 4,1998 and the rest of my folks will be there when its my turn.

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NiquesMom

Hi danielle,

Each day has its ups and downs. I am trying to hold onto the steps forward, while still accepting the steps back. This thing can take sudden turns so I try to visit Christopher everyday.

He is off sedation fully and trying to communicate. He can nod yes and no slightly, move his fingers, moves lips but cant talk due to tracheotomy. Yesterday he was able to video with Kyle for the first time. Kyle hasn't seen his dad for 6 weeks so I think it helped even though Christopher cant talk.

They are working to get Christopher breathing on his own. He has been on the vent for 1 month so he needs to learn how to breathe on his own again.

Has a constant fever, and sodium and amonia levels are elevated so they are trying to figure out why.

I am trying to remain positive, some days I do better than others.

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Roz, inspired by your message, "do you think they are together now?   My mum died 7 years ago and I like to think that she and David are together".....  I don't go too deep into my religion when I try to figure out where our Patrick is now.  Although we are both Catholics and I always thought my husband was much more religious than I was, he has made it very clear his viewpoint has changed.  He attributes it to a book he read, which included lots of scientific philosophers, but I also think the changed belief is due to his close relationship with the son he lost.  By contrast, my mom was so very, very religious that she was one of a few laypersons associated with a close knit relationship with a monastery.  I'm somewhere in between, but I truly believe that my mom has taken care of my Patrick in their new world.  He loved her and she him.  She always knew how much he needed guidance and nurturing and, in fact, brought back from the Vatican blessed water just for him.  It was a terribly honest relationship since she fully understood his many struggles.  For that, I feel he is safe, loved, and knows who he can trust.

Virginia, Hugs to you for the recent challenges you've had to deal with regarding Chris.  It must be dreadful for you to ever feel rested.  Every morning you must wake up wondering, "what new medication or process or the doctors going to try today?"  Exhausting!!!  I hope you have a good coping system that allows you to take a break, like exercise or prayer or journaling.  And a good support network, like a sibling who is a good listener.  I so wish I could help.  The good news is that it seems everyday there are new discoveries scientists have found that can to help weaken this virus.  At least it's not 2020, when everything was so new and unknown.

Michael, you certainly have a good seat closer to the Pope than I do.  I went to a Catholic grammar school for 12 years, and I had a    grand-aunt who was a nun, (d. 1935) but that was it. Oh what a heartache you felt when your dear baby passed.  Did you name the baby?  Learn why he died?  What a shock!

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Michael Rodriguez
17 hours ago, Danielle Masata said:

Roz, inspired by your message, "do you think they are together now?   My mum died 7 years ago and I like to think that she and David are together".....  I don't go too deep into my religion when I try to figure out where our Patrick is now.  Although we are both Catholics and I always thought my husband was much more religious than I was, he has made it very clear his viewpoint has changed.  He attributes it to a book he read, which included lots of scientific philosophers, but I also think the changed belief is due to his close relationship with the son he lost.  By contrast, my mom was so very, very religious that she was one of a few laypersons associated with a close knit relationship with a monastery.  I'm somewhere in between, but I truly believe that my mom has taken care of my Patrick in their new world.  He loved her and she him.  She always knew how much he needed guidance and nurturing and, in fact, brought back from the Vatican blessed water just for him.  It was a terribly honest relationship since she fully understood his many struggles.  For that, I feel he is safe, loved, and knows who he can trust.

Virginia, Hugs to you for the recent challenges you've had to deal with regarding Chris.  It must be dreadful for you to ever feel rested.  Every morning you must wake up wondering, "what new medication or process or the doctors going to try today?"  Exhausting!!!  I hope you have a good coping system that allows you to take a break, like exercise or prayer or journaling.  And a good support network, like a sibling who is a good listener.  I so wish I could help.  The good news is that it seems everyday there are new discoveries scientists have found that can to help weaken this virus.  At least it's not 2020, when everything was so new and unknown.

Michael, you certainly have a good seat closer to the Pope than I do.  I went to a Catholic grammar school for 12 years, and I had a    grand-aunt who was a nun, (d. 1935) but that was it. Oh what a heartache you felt when your dear baby passed.  Did you name the baby?  Learn why he died?  What a shock!

well, he is quite much older than i am ....as a matter of fact, i am the youngest in both my father and mother side , but that is not saying much ....im all gray (mostly white) ////with the baby that we lost . we had decided not to know the sex because we already had nikki and b....and we all wanted a surprise. ( it was a boy but i was theonly one that knew) ....he just stopped moving 1 week before , was very traumatic for my wife , we really did not want to know why as it was a horrible experience. 

it will be 6 months tomorrow since B left us .....really it was 6 months today , wed april 14 at 11:50 am .....by far , worst moment of my life ....it has been a rough week ...and 6 months have gone by and i can not stop blaming myself , i guess ill never stop.

Virginia, how is chris doing???

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Great day! Chris moved all his fingers and toes, smiled, we actually had a conversation once I figured out what he was trying to say. I am going to have to figure out a better way to read lips. They are ready to move him to Long To Acute Care, but we are waiting for insurance approval and an open bed. Still a long road in front of him, but such a different place than we were at last week. Still going to have ups and downs, but I feel a bit more hopeful.

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Virginia,  I have been watching for this update and I am so thankful he is better. I have a friend she is my Doctor's nurse and such a caring person,  her Dad coached Mason when he was a young basketball player.  Love this family.  She is on life support and has been for over a week,  no underlying health problems and fully vaccinated. We did some good news on her today but she has a long way to go.  This pandemic has impacted almost every family I know, I am ready for this to end. As grieving parents the last thing we need is something to make us worry about our loved ones.

We are having Mason's Birthday celebration this Saturday.  So as usual I have mixed emotions.  A big part of me is glad that his cousins still want to honor him but a part of me is sad that he didn't get to celebrate a birthday beyond his 21st. I talk to him everyday and always tell him how much I love him.

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Carol,   The fact that Mason has so many people who want to come together to celebrate his birthday is wonderful- do you think it may feel a little easier because it is not on the actual date of his birth and that you had to deal with that whilst you were unwell?   I struggled quite a bit with David’s birthday last week and it is taking some time to recover myself so I understand how tough it can be -  I hope that you are feeling stronger now.     
Being with people with so much love for Mason will be a beautiful thing and I trust you are able to take happiness and strength from it all.

 It must be a worrying time for your friend’s family whilst she is in hospital , it’s not even as if friends can visit her there,  so difficult for everyone.

This pandemic has been horrendous , in fact, I think that the whole world has gone mad along side it.    I cannot believe all this craziness in the news these days .  It’s as if all kinds of groups are taking advantage of the distress, confusion and divisions.   Add all of this to our grief and it weighs heavy.   

I’ll be thinking about you on Saturday and the love you all share for your Mason  Roz
 

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