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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
momofJustin

Loss of an Adult Child

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not up to writing a lot.  I dprnt most of the night in the hospital..   It was  niht of pain...   I have to see the surgeon tomorrow..for gal bladder ..  I have to get it done asap.   not sure shen I will get the surgery..   soon as i can.  I  just don[t feel well...  will write more when I can.. peace to all

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Oh crap Leah, I am so sorry that you are ill again or still. Goodness knows that the doctors need to look deeply into this pain and yes, do the surgery if that is what is warranted. I hate for you to be ill, but if it is gal bladder, you must get it taken care of now. Infections could settle in there and you will be in worse shape. Is there anyone at home to be with Sena? I wish I could come help out.

 

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Leah, so sorry to hear about more health issues for you.  You just have been on such an out of control train with your health and all you have had to face. I hope this gallbladder surgery is done soon and your recovery is good.  Like Dee, if I were close I would be happy to help out with Sena. God be with you.

Lesley, getting that plaque in place for Tommy will be such a good thing...a place to center yourself with him.  

Luanne, so pleased that while the grief and anguish you have had to face with the loss of your dad and your family's acting out so harshly you are keeping yourself and your forward progress in tact.  You have come a long way.  I believe that both Kira and your dad are letting you know that they have each other . So those Blackhawks.... score 8 goals in one night and the next night can only score 1. Thought they had a wake up call looking at the standing.  Which Canadian team is yours? That way when we watch them play the Hawks I will know you are watching and we will have a connection.

Tina hope the job is going well....Susan hope your health is on the mend.

If it was not raining today I would be in 7th heaven.  It is currently 56 degrees out and all the snow is gone.  Compared to two weeks of 0 or below this is great....short lived though over the weekend.   I spent this week trying to help my cousin with her thankyou cards from the funeral.  It really hits you when you physically see someone in that early stage of loss.  She has always been so stoic with everything and now I see her being confused and unable to focus. She is close to 10 years older than me and has some lung issues so I have concerns about the toll being taken on her.  Her son was 51, never married, no kids so there are no other family members for him. It has been more difficult than I thought and I am trying very hard to offer the right support.

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Weather is 54 F in Wisconsin.  Wow.  Mother Nature is teasing us.  This weekend back below freezing.  In the 20's.

Colleen,  Brian's Mom forever

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gretchen I am sorry you feel low and lonely. Just know some of that is the winter blues when no one is outside more than they have to be, the days are short and the dark is long and everyone seems to kind of hibernate at home keeping warm. When the spring comes and it will only be a few weeks away I hope your spirits rise.

leah oh no gallbladder pain is awful but they try and wait for the inflammation to go down a bit before surgery. Hopefully they will keep you medicated and more comfortable and the surgery comes soon. Poor Sena must be worried for you too. Keep us informed and be safe ok?

tina hope the new job is going well and you are doing ok as you have had such a hard time financially and emotionally. Let us know how things are progressing?

dianne I am sure it is difficult dealing with someone you care about who is lost in the early days and in such  emotional pain. I have not heard anything from my friend (mikey's mum) since the end of nov so I know she is probably not doing well either. Those of us who are at a later stage can heave a sigh of relief that some of that raw anguish and emotional roller coaster is a bit further behind us although those memories will not ever be forgotten. I see that although I still have bad days I seem to sink less and recover faster than I used to so that is progress.

colleen glad its a bit warmer. We have had 2 gorgeous days and I was able to go out in stages and cut my small lawn and do a bit of weeding. Felt soooo good to feel fresh air on my face after being in the house with the heat on for days. It won't last I think there is more stormy weather to come but it was a brief glimpse of the coming Springtime which I yearn for.

I was reminded of that story "Going on a bear hunt" the other day. It struck me that story is very like grief because you can't go over it, you can't go under it, you can't go round it, you have got to go through it. We all have to trudge through grief with its ever changing faces to get through to the other side which seems an impossible distance to travel, no end in sight. There is no app for grief although books and blogs are good resources, you just have to slog away one foot in front of the other and keep on going even when you feel like giving up or that it is impossible to ever feel a semblance of normal again let alone any happiness.

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positive-self-talk.jpg.9e1d1da25817539b49a5c2212d093bac.jpg

 

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Dee----I agree with you about the global warming ....it's a real worry.  Problem is, that those

who are in charge will not recognize it, and keep denying it.....because other interests comes first.

It is almost 60 degrees here today, but is supposed to turn into freezing rain, and back in the

deep freeze over the weekend.  Our cat is so mixed up because its warm enough one day, too

cold the next for her to go outside.  She is very picky about the weather. ;)   

She takes to the couch when it's freezing out.

 

LouAnn----I agree that when you plant your flower garden for Kira and your dad, that when the flowers

bloom, it will warm your heart to know they are smiling down on the garden planted just for them.  Yes,

one would think that people would be more considerate about the feelings of a person who had lost

their child, especially at the highly emotional time of a funeral for another loved one. Too many times,

others feel that they get to decide when its time for the grieving parent to "get over it".  Of course, we

know that this it is a frivolous  idea.  We all must move along on this lousy journey at our individual pace,

and just ignore others who think that they know better.  Also,  others do not get to decide whether your dad,

who has passed, can or cannot die in peace.  That is out of their hands.  Your dad surely felt your presence

with him,  when he crossed over.  Keep thinking positively....as much as you are able.....give yourself the

time that you need to mourn.  Peace to you.

 

Gretchen-----Yes,..I agree that the grief journey can be a lonely place at times.  Hoping you'll be feeling better soon.

Lesley-----thanks for the story of going on a bear hunt, and how it is something like grief. There's no escaping the grief

by going around, under or over it......we must go through it. Not easy...that's for sure.  The hardest thing anyone can do.

 

Dianne-----Feeling so sorry for your friend who lost her son.   It's very kind of you to help with all the details before and

after the funeral.  It will relieve your friend from the details that she may not be able to do herself.  Sending prayers.

 

Leah-----Oh, sorry to hear that you need to get surgery.  I hope it is taken care of soon. It is very painful, leading up

to the gall bladder surgery... (I had it a few years ago.)   Will be praying for your surgery and recovery,  Take care. 

WISHING    PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY  TO   ALL. 

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry

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Colleen.  I guess I should know what your weather is like, just what is on the young and restless right.  Seems like we are all getting crazy weather this year.  Think dee is right, the world is trying to tell us something.  When I was a kid (my boys love it when I say that lol)  there was sky high snow from November to April. 

Lesley. No matter how mild it gets here I know weeding and cutting grass won’t be back til may.  I love your post not until you lose a child......  that is so right.  After six years though I can’t decide to be royally pissed off at those other people, feel sorry that they have such little kindness or compassion for another human being or just feel glad for them they don’t know first hand what it feels like.  Which way do you guys think about the unbereaved.?

Dianne.  Thanks for your support. Toronto maple leafs are closest to me so I probably see thier games more than any. But I am such a hockey junky I watch every minute of every team in the league I can.  I don’t like L A though and I have a hard time picturing teams that have palm trees instead of snow . But give me an nhl any team and I’ll watch it.  I live 25 min from Brantford where Wayne Gretzky is from but he is the only player who I have ever and still don’t like.  His dad is a real class act though, going to hospital , kids hockey banquets,  truly a great down to earth guy. Jake Muzzin  (LA) is from Woodstock here and just built a nice new house here. Why when you could afford to build a house anywhere you would pick Woodstock Ontario. Guess cause his family his here. Some nights I can watch hockey from 730 til midnight with the games in different time zones. I’m always calling my cable company complaining if they aren’t showing a game. They probably draw straws to see who has to talk to me this time.  I think I get most of the black hawks games so you can probably be sure if there is one on I’ll be watching.  Kate will be watching the Winnipeg jets games. 

Well I guess getting back to my “normal crappy life” won’t happen quite as easily as I thought. It is still hard to know I will not hear my dads voice again, but I will always here those of my family yelling at me.  I still keep thinking how can you treat someone who has already suffered such a horrible loss like that.  I know it is over and done and I have to move on but I must say it would be much easier to just give up even the few inches of progress I’ve  made and let it all fall in again. I was so so sure this time who would be there for me.  

Lesley you are so right .....”you just have to slog away one foot in front of another and keep on going even when you feel like giving up or that it is impossible to ever feel a semblance of  normal again let alone any happiness”. That is just truly what it is all about for us.  There is a local paper that comes every Thursday night . I only look at the grocery ads as I don’t want to see any news about weddings or babies or anything but I know my dads obit. Is in there so I read it tonight.  He is with my Kira, right you guys?  Kira finally has someone with her.  Please tell me they are together. Oh dear I hope I can get past this but I just feel like the grief is tugging so hard on me again.  

Have a good night everyone.

 

 

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Ok Luanne, we'll be watching those games together!  I can feel the connection already and including Kate with the Winnipeg Jets....

And DON'T give up and slip back on your progress. You are doing well and to give up is just to give in to those who don't know any better. Your boys, your husband they are there for you and know that feeling of loss but they have you covered.....Everyone of us is pulling for you. 

Lesley, you are right.  I guess looking at my cousin and seeing her in that state  just makes me remember those raw, early days where you didn't know who are where you were.  I too have a long way to go, I still wake up with the first thought of Michael being DEAD. No sugarcoating for me.  I cry some everyday still and cannot always mention his name without tears (like now)  but I agree with you that I do seem to recover faster from those times. Sherry,  thanks for your prayers.  This is actually my cousin--the only family member (other than my husband, daughter, granddaughter) who I am close to.  Her mother and my mother were sisters.  We were not to close growing up because of the age difference but as adults we grew close. She has a sister and I have a brother  and we often say that the wrong  matches were done at birth.

I too worry about global warming as well as all of the regulations that are being rolled back in the name of progress.  Our water, our air, our soil.... It is frightening. The free-ager in me is showing.

one earth.jpg

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Mom of Justin

i was so sorry to read of ur loss.  

I have lost two sons one to a motorcycle accident at 21 / and then one to suicide at 34. 

Please know I care and am here if u need a listening and caring and understanding , without judgement ear

Rainie, Rocky & Ronnies mom ~

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Oh Rainie, dear friend. Am so glad to hear from you.  Please tell us how things have been going for you.  I remember you being one of many kind gentle souls who were there for me when I first came here.  I have wondered so many times how you have been getting along.  I hope your back to stay.  Luanne , Kira’s mom

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Leah, so sorry to hear that you are suffering with a gall bladder attack. I know how painful it is and hope the surgeon will operate as soon as he is able to give you relief.You have had more than your fair share of health issues this past while. I, too, wish I lived closer to be of some help.

 I have not been feeling very well myself the past little while and so have been reading but not up to posting. Has anyone heard has Susan is doing?

Thinking of everyone and sending love to ALL, Kate

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dee global warming is such a worry. The extremes of weather and natural disasters occuring are a clear result of that. Also we need to fight the major demon PLASTIC which is polluting oceans and blighting the land. I signed a petition recently to ask McDonalds to stop using straws and other plastic as they are responsible for so much plastic waste. I would love to think mega corporations could change their habits but it is perhaps a forlorn hope.

Louann Kira and her grandad are definitely together and watching over you, no doubt at all. I know spring is a long ways off for you but you can look at garden catalogs and start a plan for what you can grow and where you want it. Does not have to be a big plot maybe close to your front door or visible from the family room. You can also plant in pots because they warm up quicker than the ground. Looking at plants and cataloge cheers my soul and I also look at pinterest a website with people's ideas and photos. While you have snow go sledding make snow angels and snowmen walk in the crisp air and find some brief happiness in acting like a kid.

sherry thanks for the kind words, it is important for us to try and post motivating stuff or happier times to demonstrate there is a way through grief it is not all always gloom doom and sadness. Sharing stories about how we have bounced back or forgiven someone or done something good in the memory of our spirit children is important. My mental health worker lost her fiancee in may in a motorbike accident. She told me yesterday she was inspired by me giving money to a charity in memory of Tommy and donated to our air ambulance. She said even though they could not save her fiancee they need money to save others and she will make it an annual gift. Great news!

rainie you are back with us!! :) Glad you got my email with the link info.

kate sorry you are not feeling well take care. The Aussie flu has hit the UK and is very nasty lasting over 2 weeks and leaves people feeling drained for a while longer after that.

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Dianne, love the ONE EARTH piece. Lesley, I have always watched the climate and how it is changing, and I teach it in science/reading non fiction and sadly, with recent legislation, it is going to become even more dire...we must get loud...LOUD, and use our voting privileges to call for change.

RAINE, good to see you again, I do so hope you are finding your way on this broken path...

Becky? Sandy? and all Others we don't see often, doing okay?

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Well it is cold here and I hate it. Forest was cold natured too. We did get the ceiling of my studio insulated so I was able to finish the collage I was working on. 

Louanne my daughter Allison is next in line after Forest. She had my first grandbaby Madelyn 4.5 months after he died. Then she had my granddaughter Lyra then Preston. My next child is a son, Logan and my youngest son is Marshall. Forest death has been really hard on all of us and has changed our family dynamics so much. It doesn't have the cohesion and closeness it did before. When I say my beautiful family was shattered it truly feels like that. It is glued back together the best it can be but it just is never going to be the close family it was. Forest was such a major binding factor and there is just so much pain beneath. I don't know. I don't even want to talk about it. I am very glad I had them all together and life was beautiful once. More than many people get so I won't complain. I love my children it just is so different now.

I have noticed lately I'm afraid something will happen to one of them. I don't even ask them to the house. It is a 60 mile drive down a dangerous highway and I am afraid. I don't know why this has happened suddenly. 

Here is the collage though.

20180111_215124-1.jpg

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Dee, how did you make out with the broken pipes at school this week?

Colleen and Sherry, I will take that temp any day to ours. It is ridiculously cold and I am miserable about it. It sounds as if your cat knows her mind and is a smart gal.

Dianne, I am sorry about your friends son. I also worry about the global warming issue. Living where we do we are at a vantage point to witness the first hand effects as it affects our planet. I so worry about the warming of the  ice up north and particularly how it affects the animals. I seem to recall that when our older son lived in Ireland he told us that they were the first country to ban the use of  plastic bags and switched to cloth bags for groceries, etc. We are fiends up here at recycling.  

Lesley, thanks for your kind thoughts. The flu is definitely hitting us in this part of the world as well. They claim that only 17% of Canadians took the shot this season. It is not a pandemic, but it is definitely on the upswing. The elderly and vulnerable are always the ones to get hit hard. We have had 100 deaths so far. Love, love, love your plan to have a plaque placed at the church in honor of your Tommy. Great idea! Also, happy to hear that your aunt is on the mend. She is very lucky to have a niece as devoted as you.

Louann, it is hockey non stop in our place. Hubby is glued to most games if we are at home. Are you going to watch any of the Olympics? I guess with the time change it will have to be the days highlights for me. I have always loved the figure skating. My name will be mud with my girlies if I don't take in the skiing as well. My brother told me that they have had six feet of snow up in Collingwood. They go up there on the weekends to ski. 

Gretchen, you should share some of your latest art pieces with us. Tina is a budding artist and I bet you two could share some ideas. Get her to show you her picture of her Xmas tree. You are going to love it.

Susan, if you are reading...I am thinking of you and wishing you the best and a very speedy recovery from your operation. We miss you! Get well soon.

Raine, I have never had the opportunity to speak to you. I am happy to see that you are back. Hang in there. There are so many ups and downs on this journey. Sometimes just reading is all we can muster.

Tina, I bet you are exhausted after your first couple of weeks of training. How are you liking it so far?

Leah, you know I am sending wishes for better days ahead. Get well soon!

Not much new to report. Have been ill this week and just taking it easy. It looks as if Ross is now coming down with the same thing. 

 

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Gretchen. I know what you mean about the closeness being gone. We are all thankful for our children we have left, but if we had a 100 kids we still feel the loss of that one.  Yes life was beautiful.at one time but not for us anymore.  But still we must go on.  Before Kira died I was so paranoid about everything with kids.  Guess I thought if I worried and had everything covered I could keep them safe. I really thought I could keep them safe. You have a beautiful family and love all the names. Guess we still just have to keep gluing those pieces in place. Your collage didn’t come thru may u can send it again.  I’d love to see your work. Take care. 

Kate I’m afraid I’m one of those ones who didn’t get my flu shot.  I felt really weak, shaky, and like my heart was slowing way down today thought I was going to faint.  Ok now. Maybe I’m catching something too.  Sorry you guys aren’t feeling the best. Hope it doesn’t last long. We went for a drive to Collingwood last summer. Found a really nice fish and chip place there we want to go back to sometime. Im thinking about suggesting it on Kira’s birthday 21st but don’t know yet.  I’m only into hockey. Hate ice skating, skiing, curling.  Collingwood about 2 hours away. Very pretty town.  Wow too bad we didn’t live closer. Ross and I could watch the hockey together.  My husband only watches a little so I end up yelling and screaming at the tv alone.  I know this sounds mean but I love when the linesmen or refs fall or somebody takes them out. Ha ha.  And of course the fights. And always hope for a Gordie Howe hat trick.  

As much as I’m trying not to I know my depression is starting to increase. I can’t get off the couch again and stay in pjs most of the time. Oh I am so hoping this latest stuff doesn’t weigh me down too much.  My dad was 87, was still driving a week before he died, and got to stay in his home since 1959.He did not have cancer or any illnesses. He just simply wore out. He knew it was his time and he looked forward to seeing Kira.  He lingered for a few days in hospital but was not in any pain and no matter what my siblings say I know he passed peacefully.  I think that is about as good a deal as life can give you.  I still miss him and can’t believe I won’t hear his voice again but I felt very good about being with my dad to sing, hum, read bible verses, talk about what him and Kira would be doing in heaven, holding his hands and gently stroking his forehead.   Even in my fragile state (as we will alll be in to some degree),  I was pleased that I did the very best for my dad. Of course only to have my family come crashing down me physically and emotionally and someone who wasn’t even in the room tell me I prevented him from having a peaceful passing cause I cried.  Just struggling to get past this. Guess it might take awhile.  Well hockey just starting I know my dad would approve of that.  Hey sherry...you got the blue jackets...Columbus in Ohio right.? They r playing Vancouver tonight.  Take care everyone. 

 

 

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Luanne- You sound like a really wonderful wife and mother. I know from having 5 children and 4 grand-children that worry is number one on the hit parade of responsibilities. And, yes....when one is lost or missing we absolutely do feel the loss. It reminds me of the parable of the Prodigal Son and how his father rejoiced at his return. What we did not do is cancel our celebration of the holidays. Billy would not want us to stop living. And fortunately on Monday, my best friend, his wife and 6 year old little girl "kidnapped" us and took care of the misses and me. You remind me of Maria (my wife) when it comes to hockey...only with Maria it is football, especially the Packers. I am a Giants fan. Neither one of us is raised to cuss or use expletives...BUT during football season, WOW! Like me, yet unlike me,  Billy lived in his head, not much for the externals like football or baseball. He would watch the games with me but he liked reading more. Like me he enjoyed Chaucer, John Milton and Shakespeare and started to read when he was 4. By the time he was 8, he would debate with adults. One day he called me at the office to explain to me the fact that he NEEDED a hamster, not he wanted one. I told him I needed to see a clean room, grades, etc.His answer was that this conversation was " for naught and his objectives were not being met!" I got home and asked the misses who was it that I was talking to. Her answer was, "your son". I said what do you mean and she asked if I had listened to me....that I sounded like I swallowed an encyclopedia! He could have been an attorney...he always tried to negotiate with us about bed time, etc.  What is really sad is that his little neice will never know her wonderful uncle. I believe that if we keep the memories alive of those we have lost then they aren't really gone, per se, just waiting for us to join them at Christ's table. For all those that post here, know that I am for one glad that I found a place to post my feelings and I thank you.

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Heart hurt 1013.  Looks like u found your way here.  I’m not very tech savvy so I couldn’t tell u about setting defaults or anything.  I’m so glad u found us though. It just gives me the shivers when u talk about your son suddenly collapsing because that is what happened to my healthy daughter too.  It’s a hard thing to wrap your head around isn’t it?  Your Billy sounds like a great kid, very mature beyond his years as a kid.  I love that you have that hamster story to remember.  Yes so sad the new ones didn’t get to know him but I’m sure you will all tell her about her uncle Billy as she grows up.  I have two sons in thier 20s but no grandchildren yet. As far as how others treat you, I’m 6 years into this and t has been a very long hard lesson for me.  This might sound bitter, but this has been my experience.  Everyone at the funeral home with thier phony baloney “I’m so sorry, let me know if I can do anything, I’ll be thinking of you, I’ll give u a call sometime”.  They walked out of that funeral home with one thought only “phew, I’m glad it wasn’t my kid”. And before they drove out of the parking lot it was over for them. Some hang around a little longer than others but one by one they all drop off...family and friends.  I even got fired from my job of 29 years cause I was so depressed and upset about losing my daughter....they didn’t care. Somebody said to me once people don’t give a rats ass of your tragedy unless it directly affects them.  I thought we’ll surely that can’t apply to child loss..nobody could be so uncaring about a grieving parent.   Well...oh yes they can.  I said to myself one day. Where did everybody go.  Then I figured it out.  They went back to the day before my daughter died and kept right on going with thier life.  Sad but oh so true.  I’m not trying to scare u that no one will care.  Maybe you’ll be the lucky one who has true friends and family. But most people will probably be like your client. And remember people will set thier time line when you should be over it. I just want you to know that the people on this site will ALWAYS be here for you. You will never be judged on how you grieve or how long it takes.  It’s a life long journey that none of us want to be on. We rejoice when someone makes a tiny step forward and will catch you when u stumble and fall.  Well sorry if I’m yapping too much, just want to welcome you aboard but am so sad for the circumstances.  And I agree we will meet them at Christ’s table someday.  Take care my friend and know we are all holding your hands. Luanne

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Gretchen, I adore your collage...and while you are aching inside, there is beauty finding its way to the canvas. I have had that scary thought since...maybe forever, I am always anxious about those I love and I don't know that there will be a time I don't. I just get scared adn have to frequently talk myself down.

Kate, I am sorry to read that you have not been feeling well...I will send some good wishes your way for sure. Our school is okay, just old and not kept up at all. It is not what it should be and I am sad about it as it reflects the attitude of those in higher level positions...we are not respected. And if you do not respect teachers...you have no care for the kids.

Hearthurt, I am so sad that you find yourself here, but glad that you found us for the ways we help one another. Please tell us about your Charming Boy when you can...when you are able. We are here and we will listen. Nothing easy about this road, but no reason to walk alone.

 

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Kate and Leah so sorry to see you are both under the weather. I wish you both speedy recoveries. It is hard on the spirit to be incapacitated by illness.

Hearthurt my son died before any of my grandchildren were born. It is one of the many things that sadden me. He would have loved them so much and been such a fun uncle. I wear his picture in a locket with a few strands of hair that uncle forest can tickle them with. That may seem strange but I want them to have a loving connection. When they ask to look at his picture I always tell them how much he would have loved them. I hope that you have some stories you can repeat often to let your grandchildren feel they are growing up with him as part of their caring family. I am sorry you have been dealt this hand but glad you have found us and hope you can gain some comfort here.

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Thanks Dee, LouAnn, and Gretchen for your kind thoughts. I'm not too sure that I actually have the flu but more of the same old stuff going on. I'm waiting to go for a CT scan on my lung. Also stuff going on with my leg again. Always seems to be something these days. Hubby is more flu symptoms. He seems pretty good day so maybe he dodged the bullet.

Gretchen, your collage is lovely. I always really enjoy seeing your pieces. You have such a talent of pouring your heart into your work. As far as worrying about our other kids..well, I think we all do even those that have not lost a child. They will always be our kids regardless of how old they become. We as nurturers tend to fuss over them even to our dying days. I agree about the cold. it has been a tough winter in many ways for everyone because of the extremes we are facing.

LouAnn, it is always a bit of a letdown after the holidays. In many ways it seems like taking an elevator ride to the top with the glitter and fan fare surrounding the season and then taking the ride back down to ground level after it is all over. It can leave us feeling drained and flat. You have  come a long way and so please do not let yourself sink into another funk. Work hard to keep afloat. I know it is not easy but you have proven you have the strength. Get back on that horse and keep going. You can do it. Have you given any thought to volunteering perhaps? It is a wonderful way to throw yourself into a positive way of engaging with others at the same time as being helpful. It can really lift the spirits and also brings you into contact with meeting new people. 

Well, the day is sunny and the sky is blue. The temps are bone chilling ,but supposedly going to go back up by mid week. All of our neighbours for the most part have taken off to sunnier climes for the duration of the season. My next door neighbour has gone to Phoenix and swears that the weather is consistently good. I can picture her there now enjoying the outdoors. We will try to get ourselves bundled up for an outing of some sort and hopefully tomorrow we are off to the city for a meal with some friends if our health allows. We shall see. Have a good day everyone.

Kate :)

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Hi Louann: How can I help but be touched? My son was a very special child as are all of our children and grand-children. I am not sure where I am getting the strength, though. Maria tells me that it will come in waves and she is right. And, yes, you are right. Most of the people with few exceptions have been acting like who gives a crap. There is one individual here who has gone to the manager of our apartment complex telling her that I am sending around a petition to have her removed. That is a mile high pile of bull cookies! I found that out this morning when I went to conduct business. I know who the individual is, but, until I catch him at it, there is nothing I can do about it, but roll with the punches and keep knocking them out. This a(*^&*%%le knows we have suffered a loss that cannot be weighed and wants to cause even more harm to us. I told him back in November to leave us alone because he wanders around the building at night, drunk and stupid, becomes threatening and belligerent and is a pot stirrrer. I do not understand this behavior except safe to say that he is stuck at maybe the third grade level and he wants attention. What he needs is to go to AA and maybe be put in a home for people that are mentally ill. He gave a minor alcohol the other night. I wish I had caught him because he would have been sent to jail. Oh, and he is an instant expert about EVERYTHING, including how I am a screw up when it comes caring for Maria, her health and her diabetes. The problem for him is I am guided by her specialists, not him. Let me explain. Her form of diabetes is called brittle and it affects 2% of the population. Maria is a little Italian lady and her sensitivity to everything causes incredible spikes and drops of her glucose and insulin levels. He tried telling me that her diabetes and these swings are my fault. My answer is if he has the answer to this rare form of diabetes, tell me the answer and go get, "MD", after his name. These insane behaviors make me want to isolate, but I am refusing to give into that urge and I know it makes him even crazier. :rolleyes: He lost his wife to Lupus and instead of coming to a site like this or getting treatment, he rages at himself by drinking and becomes nasty to people around him.  

Toby: It is so nice to have met such warm and wonderful people. My son had a very serious side, but, equally he had a very silly side. Billy had a habit of coining a phrase, even at 8 years old, that would leave adults laughing their heads off because he sounded like an adult. What was particulary disturbing, for lack of a better term, was that when he started using the syntax, vocabulary, sentence structure and phrases that I use. One day when my mother called, she thought I answered the phone...it was BIlly!  She only found that out when we were trying to plan the itinerary for the trip from New Jersey to my sister's wedding in up state New York and she quickly found that the individual on the other end was Billy and not me. So yes, Missy is in for quite few stories about her uncle. I loved watching, at times, his sister and him verbally spar with each other. Hi sister told him, "I know let's talk about cheese!" I thought my son was going to fall off the couch laughing! 

 

Ericasmom: Believe you me I have quite a few about the Charming Boy! One day when he was six, he came downs stairs to the living room wrapped only in a sheet and no shirt. He looked like a little emporer. At that point I gave him the nick name "Shortius Caesar". He also informed us when he was nine that he wants to become vegetarian because he wouldn't eat anything that at one point, "had a face!". Like I said to Toby, he could really coin a phrase. I am very glad to have found this site and the folks here have really helped in so many ways.

Thanks one and all!

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Ordinarily, I would be going to church tomorrow. It is so cold outside and I am feeling so tired from the rush of emotions, sadness and just feeling blah....I don't want to go anywhere. My wife and I are in the living room, yet I feel like I am a million miles away. As a Catholic, tomorrow is a Holy Day of Obligation, I am not sure our priest will give me absolution because I do not feel I am doing anything wrong. I am trying to take care of my wife and me. There are a lot of bugs going around and after what we have been through, I simply don't want either one of us to get sick. Am I wrong? Some times, I feel like I am clear headed and some times, I feel like I am in a fog. I miss him so much and only wish I had been there to hold him and kiss him so he knows how much I love him, respect him and like him. There is a distinction for me. It is one thing to love your child, but to like him is different. He made good, healthy choices for his life and I know and believe that none of us deserve this! I am here should any of you need me.

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Hearthurt------I am glad that you have found us here at BI (formerly called

Beyond Indigo).....especially since it is early-on  for you on this journey.

Everyone understands ,firsthand,  the sorrow of losing a beloved child. I

hope you will come back to this site.  Peace to you.

 

Kate------I'm  sorry you are having more health problems, and also your

husband fighting flu symptoms.  I have been having congestion/cough

symptoms, but hope i'm on the mend.  Yes,....I imagine that your temps

are colder than we have here. ;)..... ....this is more than cold enough for me.:unsure2: Sending prayers.

Gretchen-----Just love your collage....it is magical, and beautiful!  I agree, that the death

of a child effects everyone in the family.  My "middle" ones  (Davey and Lisa) are gone, so

it seems to leave a big hole in the center of my kids. They've had a time of it ...dealing with

the deaths at different stages in their lives.  No matter where or when.....the death of a child

is a devastation for the whole family....I agree with you.   Peace.

 

Dee-----We got about 8 inches of snow, I guess.  Much drifting.  We got out and cleared out

lane with the snow-thrower.  We were worried about a loss of power, but thank goodness, it

stayed on.  This past summer/fall,  road crews were busy cutting back trees that overhung the

power lines which was causing many outages,  so I think it has helped.  Schools were cancelled

or had early dismissals on Friday.

Lesley-----I agree, that it is good to honor our beloved children by giving to charities in their name.

(I donate to a no-kill shelter for cats  where I got my kitty).  Our darlings are smiling down on us, and

are always with us.  

 

LouAnn----It is understandable that you are under the crushing sorrow at this time.....with grieving 

for dear Kira, and the death of your dear father.  Yes,.....many times people will not be understanding

of the "doubling-up"  of grief that hits.  Please try to do at least one little thing per day, ....(it doesn't have to

be anything major) ,  but it may just give you a small lift in spirits.   I'm sorry that your family is not 

there for you in your time of need, of their support.  Keep coming back here to BI.  There is understanding

here for you. Oh, about hockey....I haven't followed sports a lot, but I do watch PBR (bull riding), and know

that they have some great riders/bullfighter (protectors) from Canada.....the Berne family for one.  

 

WISHING    PEACE,   COMFORT,   AND  RESTFUL   SLEEP  FOR ALL INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,   sherry

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