Jump to content
Online Grief Support, Help for Coping with Loss | Beyond Indigo Forums
  • Announcements

    • ModKonnie

      Advertisements   09/05/2017

      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
momofJustin

Loss of an Adult Child

Recommended Posts

Lou ann   

Thank you all so much. And no i certainly am not offended by anything anyone has posted. In fact i am very touched to have such dear friends. You have given me so much to ponder. i can live without my job of 29 years, my fancy house and pool, the nice furniture. I would live in a box under a bridge if i could just have my Kira back. This is what my grief reminds me of all the time. I heard a thud and then a sound of someone sliding down a wall. It was clearly not the cat or a shampo bottle but i brushed it off. Me, the most over protective mom in the world. Me, Who would stand on my porch and watch her walk a few doors down to her friends house when she was 17 in a town of 400 where there had been no crime ever and i always left my door unlocked. Me, who after seeing she had not come home on the bus raced to the school only to find she was refeeing a sport event which i probably knew was the case but my heart was leaping out of my chest just the same. Me, who told my kids i had to know where they were at all times and was in tears when they were out driving in winter conditions. Me who sat home every friday and saturday night so i would be there in case they needed me. Me, who would peek into thier rooms in the middle of the night to make sure there were 3 little heads peacefully sleeping. Probably the only sound i never panicked and responded to that came from where i knew my children were. And how many loads of laundry did i take up stairs that morning knowing that shower had been running too long, thinking she had come out and one of her brothers was in there but not checking that out til it was too late. And why was that tub filled to the top when we got in there when she was showering. I knew that drain was going down slow so why the hell didnt i have drain cleaner down there. When we built the house im the one who wanted the two story. If it were a bungalow i would have been right close to that bathroom door. So the cold hard facts, the official cause of death was accidental drowning. Arrthymias and seizures are electrical events that do not show up. It was an internist who believed it must be a cardiac arrthymia in the absence of any other findings. So had i responded to that thud or had my drain clean then yes i could have saved her from drowning. Could i have saved her from have the arrhythmia if that in fact was what she had. Well you have 10 min.to Revive someone which we could have done and then the fire dept was thier with the paddles. Because of her being in the water you only have 5 minutes before you have brain damage. But still there was a chance how ever slight. And i was the only one who heard her. Her only chance. I didnt just forget to wash her favourite shirt or pick her up after school, i chose to ignore that thud which was her way of yelling help me mom. This is what i have lived with for six years. Ive told no one all of this until right now. There are so many reasons this is my fault. So it doesnt matter how much i tried to protect her, when she really needed me i let her and everybody who loved her down. Well i have yapped far too long here and the tears are starting to flow but i just wanted somebody to know what has been in my head for six years. Thanks for listening. Luanne

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lou Ann, as a parent we all try to protect our children from the bad things in life. This was something that you most certainly could not have anticipated nor been prepared for. My best friend has cardiac arrthymia (sp). She was standing at a cocktail party with her drink in hand when she went down like a stone. Thankfully three doctors were also attending as guests. She never knew what hit her until she woke up at the hospital. Kira would not have felt any pain. You are not at fault for not getting to her in time. I am glad you were able to finally get this out into the open. My hope for you is that shortly you will be able to remember her for all of the beautiful times you shared together and push this sad memory to the back burner.

The night Jeff died is never far from my thoughts.  We work very hard to not focus on the details. If we did it would drive us crazy with grief. We heard him and knew there was something wrong. We immediately started CPR. We took turns at first, but I had to stop because I had recently broken my wrist and the pain was too much. My husband frantically continued while we waited desperately for what seemed like an eternity for the ambulance and Mounties to arrive. My husband felt him take his last breath and  we saw the life go out of his eyes. He is haunted to this day by that feeling. What I can tell you is that there was in fact nothing that any of us could have done to bring him back. It was his time.They performed CPR, etc. They asked my permission to stop as my husband was in too much shock. I'm not actually sure why they even tried. He was most certainly gone and we would not have wanted him to live a life with severe brain damage. Now after almost eight years this coming Christmas I can tell you that as horrible as losing him was we have learned to build a new life that has again found purpose and meaning. We laugh and remember what a goofy crazy lovable guy he was. For a long time we could not look at pictures or hear any of his music without it triggering a panic attack and tears most certainly followed. But time has been a great healer to me and has become my friend. Patience and many ups and downs are the only way through this. There are no short cuts. Straight through the middle is the only path. Grief will not be denied nor buried. It must be faced head on. You are not deserting her by moving forward. She would most certainly want you to be happy and continue with your life. She is with you every step of the way in her support. You are not leaving her behind by finding happiness. You are allowing her to be part of it. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you, Kate....I think your and Lou Ann's situation/circumstances surrounding your child leaving this earth home are very similar...and you can relate in ways that many of us can't....I hope that Lou Ann will read your words twice...and many times...and she will see that you wrestled with the same questions. I do believe that if there were any tools in the Devil/Evil tool kit it would be 'guilt...shame...remorse...regret'.....those emotions/thoughts can keep a person down all their life...just when they can see daylight...they appear in that little movie that seems to run in the back of our minds ...over and over. It takes a strong leap of faith and determination to rise....and put the past back in the past. Let it stay there. One can never undo what has been done...but one can let it be.

One day I was working in my yard and this came to me...I came back in the house to write it down....

When there is no cure in the medicine bag to bring them healing...When there is no magic pill on this earth home to relieve their pain and suffering...When there are no human hands to mend their broken bodies and make them whole again...God/Mother/Father of the Universe comes and takes our child to their first home. We simply do not have that kind of super human control. Control is only an illusion. We only have Super Human love for our child/children.

Lou Ann...thank you for sharing what has been in your thoughts and heart all these years. As a parent....I always think....if I had turned left...if I had been there...if I had had my arms around him...could I have saved him? That was my crazy thinking in the first 3 years...and each of us has been in those guilt shoes...it is like beating a dead horse to death...everyday. Intelligent reasoning and thinking will rise to the front...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lou anne, such a brave step you have taken to get your thoughts and recollections out regarding Kira's time.  “Letting go gives us freedom."Thich Nhat Hanh  ---and that doesn't mean freedom from all of the beautiful memories and feelings you have for Kira.  But, those thoughts have been spinning and spinning in your head and your heart holding on to your very soul. You will always yearn and mourn Kira but the beautiful memories of her are waiting to help fill your heart. You  can stop punishing yourself with the "what ifs" like Susan says above. Making other choices would not have changed that day and as a mom that has to be the hardest thing to accept. The hardest thing to face is that you cannot change what happened no matter how many times you relive this in your mind.  Kira knows her mom would have moved heaven and earth to stop this from happening but as hard as it is for us moms, sometimes we just cannot "lift that car" with superhuman strength.  I am a big believer in "visuals". I use them alot. Maybe it will help you. Sure, there will be the sad days and the bad days. -----Pick a favorite comforting spot and have a conversation with Kira.  Tell her about your thoughts and get it out there--just you and her---and with divine intervention.  I am thinking and hoping you feel Kira put her arms around you and hug you and tell you she always felt your love and will always be in your heart.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Susan, thanks for sharing all of the pictures.  You are fortunate to be surrounded by so many caring people who loved John David and care so much about you to envelope you in their memories of him.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you, Susan...for sharing the pictures of your family gathering for John David. What a terrific way to celebrate by gathering together to share loving memories of a very special son. 

We had another beautiful day here today. Sunny and warm. We decided to grab a couple of beach chairs and go to a different area that we sometimes like to visit. We sat on the beach with the water lapping over our feet and talked for an entire afternoon. So much for reflecting on nature. :D Hubby is getting ready to have the eye surgery that he postponed some time ago. I am certainly hoping it will be successful this time around. He then starts a new drug that will not cause the same problems as the chemo drugs. On the drive back home I could not help but notice how quickly the summer has passed. Some farmers are in the fields already and the leaves are just beginning to show a tinge of yellow at the tips on some bushes. Oh gosh, where did the time go? Even the nights are starting to darken earlier. I am definitely a sun person and so this is not on as far as I am concerned. The older I get the more I hate winter. 

Thinking of everyone and wishing you a good night.

Kate 

Dee, I agree. All we can do is to make sure that within our own small world of family and friends we show that we will not allow this kind of treatment towards anyone. First sign of it? We speak up. It simply can not be allowed.

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lou ann   

Oh i am so taken back by all of your kind words and for taking the time to read my blathering. I dont think even i realized how much has been rolling around in my mind until i started to type it out. But i do feel unburdened that i could tell somebody. And im glad i have friends like you to talk to. Dianne your right that the hardest thing to accept is that what has happened cannot be changed. I kept thinking come on god, just replay that minute when i heard the thud, i know what to do now and i can save her. But of course he never gave me that chance. I like your idea of a talk with Kira and will make that one of my to do things. Susan, yes beating a dead horse is so accurate. Over and over and over again do i go thru everything. But the outcome never changes. And yes when i dare try to climb out of the hole, grief is right there to remind me of all the reasons why ill never see daylight again. Kate, this might sound strange but i actually eny you that you did cpr on jeff. You know yoy did everything humanly possible to save your boy . I dont have that, because i was too late. I had never been near to anyone when they died, but i knew from years of typing autopsies, that she was gone when i pulled her out. And just like you i dont know why my husband started cpr but i guess he had to try. Of course when the police got there we were treated immediatly as suspects and were not allowed upstairs anymore. I think you r right when you say it was thier time. In the movies the person starts coughing up water and is always ok. That was how this was supposed to end. But the paranoid over protective mom who had thought of every scenario that could bring harm to her children and how to save them from it had never in a million years thought a perfectly healthy child would collapse and die in the shower. Nothing in Kiras case has every been proved one way or another 100 percent. Even the cause of her collapse could never be proven 100 percent. They found nothing but a perfectly healthy girl. I just cant hold on to this anymore. If i am to blame then i will rot in hell for my inactions but for right now at least i have to let go of this. It has eaten at me for six years. With all of your help and support i feel i maybe able to put some distance between me and the past at least for what happened that day. Your support means so much. Thanks again luanne

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Louanne, that is not blathering, that is speaking from your heart to ours, you released some very important feelings today and we regard those with great care. It took a brave-heart to share the events that replay in your life. I agree with all that was said here today, to work to free yourself as your Girl, Kira would want. I hope that in your release of your story, there is space inside you for the sun to shine a bit. A bit each day to awaken the parts of you that have been dormant since Kira died.

Dianne, I love Thich Nhat Hahn, I used one of his beautiful beliefs in my toast at the Rehearsal Dinner for my Son and Daughter in Law...he is a well of wonderment and beauty.

Kate, yes, we have to end the ability to spread hate in this world. It is such a disease, I like the way one of the MSNBC folks put it tonight: an infection. It is.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Krider75   

This is my first time posting and I am in need of help. I have not lost a child so I know I cannot begin to feel your pain. I am at a loss for my aunt who is more of a mother. She lost a son yesterday. He was 33 and a twin. This woman has been such a rock for so many people. She is nothing but amazing. She is broken. I do not know what to do for her. I do not know what to say. I want to fix what can't be fixed. I hurt for the loss of my precious Charles. I hurt for my Aunt Rita that is nothing but kind. The services will be this week. What can I say or do or not say and do to help. This loss has shook the very core of this family. I will attach what she has posted on Facebook about her son. I am going to encourage her to join this group. Am I wrong to encourage this? I don't know what to do. I am grieving and feel like I'm missing a piece of my soul. I pray I do not offend anyone by posting in this group. I have read so many post and cried tears for your losses. I also attached a picture he is on the left in green. This was an amazing man full of love, life and happiness. Always smiling and always eager to brighten a day. I am not sure how we will ever get it together again. Thank you all for any suggestions you may have. 

IMG_1514.PNG

IMG_1491.JPG

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

louann wow what a breakthrough! You can see clearly now that forward moving and thinking positively letting go of misplaced guilt and regrets i s key to healing. Talking with Kira is very important. I am not sure that regretting being able to do CPR on her is a healthy regret. Parents who have had to do so are still scarred by the experience. It still failed, no magic saving of a life despite desperate frantic attempts. There is never a good death whether you are there at the time or not, whether you have to make a decision to stop life support or not it is still a death and we have to accept what circumstances are given to us. There is no point regretting what you did or did not do, say think feel it is done it is in the past. What you do now is the important thing surviving and learning to thrive in spite of your loss. Our precious children are gone from this earth nothing will ever change that we have to find a way to accept that fact and move on positively one step at a time and one day at a time. remembering good times happy memories etc is vital because it demonstrates the uniqueness that was your daughter she would love to hear people reminiscing over silly things she said and did. We are luckier than a lot of people because we did get given the privilege of being a parent and all that it entails even though our children were taken too soon. there are so many people who have never experienced the wonder of being pregnant and bringing up a child it is an incredible gift and we all need to consider how lucky we have been.

I am buoyed up by the stories of recovery from grief and suggestions to cope from our group, the continued support is heartwarming. Being honest about your feelings and thoughts is a valuable gift  that I thank you all for. Tommy's angelversary is tomorrow and although I dread the day itself and all that it dredges up I feel that 2 years on and with an increase in my antidepressants and support from you all I am in a better mind space. My youngest daughter is home for a while after finishing her degree so will be around but we grieve differently. I will make my plans to spend time with Tommy then spend some time alone with my thoughts because i don't want to upset her. She is free to do what she needs to do, if she wants to talk about him we will, if she prefers to avoid the subject we will. I know she will not come to the church graveyard with me which is my special place because I took my overdose there and it has traumatic memories for her, and that is ok I like the solitude and peace I feel up there on the cliff overlooking the sea.

dee the hatred and bigotry demonstrated in Virginia is a sad reflection on humanity. i hope there will be continued efforts to support tolerance, acceptance, and love towards each other.

Krider75 it is a wonderful gesture to find some support for your much loved aunt. She has to find her own way here when she is ready if that is something she wants to do we welcome everyone. With the loss of anyone special and especially a child/adult child there are emotions and actions that need to be dealt with before being ready to open yourself up to grieve. That can take a long time to get to because of shock denial fear etc some parents take months or years to open up. it needs to be done in your aunts own time when she is ready. We shall be here if and when she needs us.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Krider, I agree with Lesley, it is so good of you to reach out  here to better understand what your Auntie may need, and to help yourself too with your grief. You lost your cousin. I am so sorry. I think that in the next several months, what your Aunt may need most is to just be listened to and never told that she should move on...we need to hear the name of our beloved child, some feel uncomfortable talking about those who passed away, parents need to hear their names, like music to our souls...so just encouraging your aunt to talk and to get outside and to take walks or be a bit physical to help with the sleeplessness that often occurs but also to encourage healthy habits even in grief, grief takes its toll on ones whole self, so bodies can fail in grief. Eat healthy and make sure she is drinking plenty of water to replace the tears, dehydration happens quickly in these scenarios. Shock is present for the first several months, so when it begins to fall away, she will hurt anew. It will be raw. Offer to have meals made and put in the freezer, offer to have the house cleaned...she may want a quilt made from his tshirts, there are many helpful things, but all in good time. Keep us posted as to how your aunt and you are doing.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Kinder75.....am so sorry for your loss.....but very proud of you for stepping up to the plate...in wanting to understand how you may help your Aunt...right now...remember that 'Love is a verb'....just be there for her.....look around...are people bringing food to the home ? Make sure someone or you write down 'who' brought the dishes...and 'what they were'....this will help your Aunt when it comes time to write Thank you notes....Tidy Up....this doesn't mean to do a Spring Cleaning or a floor to ceiling clean up.....wash dirty dishes...rinse and dry and put them up....clean out the refrigerator...this will make room for all the food brought over. Sweep or vacuum. Clean bathrooms...keep a Swifter handy for light dusting. Does the yard need mowing ? Keep a list of things needed...grocery shopping..dry cleaners..gas the car up...get the mail...etc.....all these things are really behind the scenes chores...not glamorous...but these are the thoughtful chores. These are things which keep the motor going...the household running smooth.

Just be there for her. When words fail....when tears fall....give real big hugs. If she asks for advice...and you don't have an answer....be upfront and tell her you don't know but will ask someone who does. Ask her 'what she thinks needs doing'...and then...do it. Your Aunt will wear a 'shock suit' for about the first 3 years...but for now...all she really needs is the care..compassion...love and support from her family and friends. Please let us hear from you and how you are doing and your Aunt. Stay in Peace...Stay in Grace.

ScreenShot2015.jpg

ScreenShot1207.jpg

ScreenShot2037.jpg

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Krider75, I am so sorry for the loss of your cousin.  Trying to help your aunt is such a compassionate thing to do. These early days are just plain brutal. Being there for her is a good thing. That time is such a blur for me.  I remember I went outside to rake leaves because I wanted to be alone and with the sky above me I felt I was with my son.  People came and went, bought food but I don't remember much.  I spent a lot of time in a chair by myself.  My daughter and her family were here with me and at the time my 1 1/2 yr old granddaughter would toddle in and sometimes just sit on my lap. I do agree with all the other advice.  Your aunt needs someone to just do the background things and get her to eat even if it is only peanut butter crackers and drink water.  She may not realized she needs something but that is a help.  And yes, she wants to hear people talk about her son. And when the services are done and people fade away (and they will) say his name and tell a story because memories help.  When she feels it she will always be welcomed here as are you.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lesley, I read your post about your daughter and her grief and it sounds so much like mine. Heather doesn't talk much about her grief or her loss  and I wish she would. She still finds it hard just to bring something up. It is not that she doesn't miss him but she just cannot handle it.  I hope that changes. She does have a couple of pictures of the two of them on her dresser and she asked for some of his ashes so he could be with her but I too have learned to let her talk if she chooses.  I talk about Michael to my granddaughter frequently.  When we were just there, we were playing with bubbles and any of them that went up high were for Uncle Michael and the angels to play with. He only got to love her for a short time and he is her only uncle. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Krider75   

Thank you all so very much. I was so afraid of offending someone. This is such a raw subject. I have 2 children 19 and 23. It's an unbearable thought. I didn't want to hurt anyone here but to help my aunt. I love the tshirt quilt idea and I will do that! She will love that so much. I will keep in touch because I myself need help grieving. I can't get the tears to stop. I scream and break down and look like a fool. I am on my way to be with her now. Love and peace to all of you. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tinay   

Hi everyone. I've been reading posts but so scattered that I don't have the energy to post. I just wanted to put this on here

Love to all

Tina

Screenshot_20170812-191331.png

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tina, thank you for sharing that. I have a box of treasures that I keep of things Jeff made as a child while in school. After a period of time the memories we carry will give us great comfort. 

Dianne, good advice to LouAnn. My older son still really does not speak of Jeff. He did tell me that not a day passes that he does not think of him. We all carry the pain of our loss in our own way. 

Krider75...I am really sorry about your nephew Charles. There is nothing else that I can add that the others have not already mentioned. Thanks for sharing that lovely photo. Any guy wearing a Guinness shirt is a boy of mine! :)

Lesley, we will all be thinking of you tomorrow as your special date is upon you. I know it is going to be tough, but good for you heading back to that difficult spot. It takes a ton of courage. Well done! 

Sherry, how are you? Have you seen much of your Grandies this summer? It sounds as if your property is beautiful. I can close my eyes and visualize the sunflowers. Such a cheery flower. 

Who has not been captivated

By the grandeur and expanse of the prairie sky.

When thunderheads form

And rise to majestic heights

On a summer evening.

Coloured by the waning sun,

Who can not be moved to stop and gaze.

When subtle wisps of cloud

Dramatize a sunset sky

Or afternoon cumulus hang overhead

Like scattered cotton,

Is there not time for idle admiration.

Author Unknown

Wishing everyone a peaceful evening.

Kate

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lou Ann thank you for feeling safe enough to share your story. I can't imagine the pain of sitting on that all this time. I am so sorry. 

Forest's face was so ruined it was covered from his eyes down there was no autopsy so I never really learned what happened to him but for 3 years I rolled around in my head if he was conscious he might not have even had a mouth to scream with. I couldn't stand it but I just kept it to myself until one day I ran into the hiway patrolman that was at the scene and I managed to choke it out to him and he told me he still had a mouth though ruin he still had one. But I know what it is like to hold such horrors inside

I want you to know I have a friend whose 17 year old son died the same way. He heared the thump and sound of him but never in his wildest dreams thought his young very fit son had actually collapsed in the shower until the water kept running and running. He ran around and through the window saw his son face down in the shower . he broke down the door but it was too late. Try not to blame yourself. who would ever suspect your lovely young daughter had collapsed? No one. All of us feel guilty and blame ourselves. Even me whose son died as a passenger in a car. I still had that feeling I had failed him because he is my child and my number one job as a mom was to protect him. But I didn't he died. I felt like I let my child die. The whole thing is hard and terrible but be reassured that it isn't your fault and the guilt and what ifs happens to all of us no matter the circumstances. I am glad you finally got to talk about it. I hope it relieves that horrible pressure within sending peace

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Tinay, it is good to see you here...thanks for the poem you posted. I hope that you are doing as well as you can at this point. Glad that you are reading.

Gretchen, also so good to see you tonight. I am sure that holding that horrid wonder inside must have turned you inside out, and I am grateful that you were able to choke those questions out to the first-responder...it is so tricky to find a way to live among the pieces, with a lot of work, we find a way...but we have to constantly work, it is ongoing because as we go along, we know that there is a real roller coaster action to our moods. I have had to learn to take the advice I would give to a friend in a similar situation...to allow my grief, to honor my girl by trying to live my best life, to know that my Girl's death was not due to her sins or mine...to know that She will always be my Daughter and I will always be her Mom, and to look at each day as a chance to do something good...

Peace All

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lesley, thinking of you today as you remember your special boy. Tommy...surround your Mom today and fill her heart with beautiful memories of the wonderful times that you shared together. 

Kate

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lou ann   

Lesley. Thinking of you today on your precious Tommys angel date. His resting spot sounds like a beautiful location overlooking the sea. My serious suicide thoughts were also an overdose at the cemetary. Im so glad your sister found you. I hope your dragon fly, butterfly or other special Tommy sign finds you and sits peacefully on your shoulder today. I always tell myself that angel and birth dates are just another day on the calendar. They were not here the day before or after . But still those dates have a way of bringing us to our knees. You will feel a little better tomorrow as the pressure of today eases. It is a long way for hugs to come across the ocean from Canada to England but they are coming your way my friend, lots of them.

Devianez. Im thinking of you today as Nathan's second birthday without him is upon you. I hope you feel him in your heart and by your side today. You have got thru that very difficult year of firsts and all of us are with you arm in arm as you carry on this unimagineable journey. How is your recovery going? You have had so much to deal with these past weeks. Take a breath tomorrow and know how brave you are to have got thru what you have. Hugs to you my friend

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Lou ann   

Gretchen. Thank you so much for your kind and caring words. What happened to your friends son is almost identical to what happened to Kira. And i realize even the most attentive parent would not have anticipated a young healthy child dying in that way. Doesnt mean i will ever totally let myself off the hook though. The accident your Forest was in must have surely taken him swiftly and without him even realizing what had happened. Our minds like to torture us into thinking differently but we shouldnt let them. It seems grief likes to make us think that we were the moms our child is gone so therefore it was something we should have prevented somehow. Tell your friend i have walked in the exact shoes as him and my heart goes out to him for what i know he lives with. I see Forest died just a few weeks after my Kira. I hope she was there to comfort him.

Tinay. Glad to hear from you. I know you are within that very difficult first year. We are all here for you when you need us. Has there been any more news on the legal front? I hope you are able to get a break from your work load. Any summer vacation?. Hang in there.

Kate. Has Ross had his surgery yet ? Such a brave man having had to deal with so much. I hear you about summer fading. I wanted to get a few new bushes and mulch but most garden centres here have already closed and back to school stuff out at Wal-Mart. I think we might make a trip to grand bend on Friday as we have been so busy with house stuff all summer, havent really gone anywhere. There is nothing more depressing than knowing another long , cold , dreary Canadian winter is coming your way. Although i guess we should both be used to it. Lol.
Best wishes for Rosses surgery and tell him to mark October 4th on the calendar. The start of the nhl season. I know im looking forward to it. Lovely poem by the way.

Susan. Lovely pictures of John Davids angel date. He must have touched a lot of lives. Thanks for sharing. If i win the lottery someday i would love to visit all these beautiful locations.

To all of you, Kate, Lesley, Dee, Gretchen, Susan, Dianne, anyone else i failed to mention by name, i cant thank you all enough for your kind and loving responses to my recent posts. I just started and couldnt stop it from coming out. I live in a city but you only have to walk a few minutes ti be out in the country on the out skirts if town. I had a nice walk last night and shared all my thoughts of that day and my plan to slowly and im sure painfully to forge ahead with Kira. Im sure she already knew what i have harboured in my heart and mind all these years. I told her i would only move on if she was with me. For if i had to leave her behind then there was no way i would do it. I think she understood why i have to finally let that day go and try to bring some life back to this broken family again. And right on cue a dragon fly came out of nowhere and would duck and dart around my head, sometimes disappearing for a few minutes then returning. I even had a grasshopper hop into my hand at one point. It is only thru all your support and caring that i have been able to finally, finally been able to take a baby step. Well i need to stop yapping and get myself in gear, dishes, power washing my deck. A peaceful and warm summer today to everyone no matter what today holds.

.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Lou Ann, thanks for thinking of Ross. He had the surgery previously and they thought it was a success. I noticed on Easter Day that it has returned. He was supposed to have the surgery earlier this summer... but was a little apprehensive and so he postponed it until August 31st. He is not looking forward to the procedure. This is not laser surgery, but scalpel surgery on the eye. UGH! They will determine if it is cancer or not when they send the growth away for a biopsy. He will still have the drug despite his dislike for meds. His main concern is losing his eye if need be and how it will impact his driving and doing other things.

Yes, the garden centers are starting to shorten their hours even up here. We both love to get down and dirty working with plants and really enjoy our gardening. I hope to make some things to put away for the winter soon. My tomatoes are thriving and I love to make pasta sauce, chili sauce, and bruchetta topping. I have stopped making jams as I find it a lot of work and we just pick up at the market garden whenever we are there.

Ross loves his football and hockey! I usually find a spot of my own to watch a Netflix program or read when he has his games on. I do watch the big games however and cheer them on if it is the Jets playing. 

Gretchen, such difficult and painful memories of that last period for Forest. I am so glad that you have been able to open up and now I hope you can put it on the back burner and remember those visits you recently shared with us. 

I hope that we can all take a moment to reflect on the ideals we stand for in this part of the world, Freedom, equality, justice and and liberty. My wish is for peace to return and that all people regardless of colour or faith will be treated the same. We are all children of the same Creator. 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Tinay   

A few things are going on but can't post. At work. Wanted to ask for prayers quick. A friend of mine just lost her 14 day old grandbaby. Ugh

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Devianz   

Happy 22nd Birthday Nathaniel Ryan, where ever you are. You were so loved.

 

Beloved Son (on your 16th birthday)

If I could start all over again, I would remember to draw iridescent moonbeams for you.
To fill the night sky all of the stars with the tip of my pen and write your name on each one.
I would draw to life the trees, like arms to always wave hello so you would always feel noticed
I'd never forget that things like love, are fragile and need to be carefully tended
I am a thousand words of sorry, and a hundred sentences of regret.
These are what I have left to write, and you will be in each and every one.
I will keep writing until you look up at me, and your tears no longer blot the page.
Maybe then you will know that I have loved you as much as I am able.

Margo S.

August 16, 2009

50252743_00302_0216_Instagram.jpg

11960264_1463361327306677_7285848808816130372_n.jpg

DSC00813.JPG

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now


×