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      Hi all,  I'm sure you've noticed some changes in the forums. We've again had to do some updates, so that's why things may look a little different. Nothing major should have changed.  Also, we are going to start adding advertisements sensitive to our community on the boards. This is something we are experimenting with, and we will certainly make sure they are in the best interests of everyone. We want to make sure our forums continue to stay accessible and cost free to all of our members, and this is a way to ensure this.  If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to privately message me or email me at Konnie@beyondindigo.com.  As always, we will be here with you, ModKonnie
momofJustin

Loss of an Adult Child

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Thank you Wade, Dee and Becky for sharing the poems.

Wade, what a treasure to have such a poem/song written by Brooks, it has a certain calling to it. I think of the picture that you posted of the deer beside Brook's site. I too have a hard time with looking at some of Jesse's stuff. It is hard to -- and hard to accept he is "gone ahead". 

Tinay, I am sorry for the loss of your daughter, Kiona. I looked at your posts and saw her pic, what a beautiful girl.

Sandy, good to see your post. And Colleen too. Gretchen, may you find the book list meaningful. 

Tommy's Mom, thanks for the screen shots. "That desperation of wanting to feel his hug and hear his laugh, to see his face and be with him" so true.

I am behind reading here as I was at my mom's all week and had to work the last few days.

So sending out gentle thoughts to all who have visited this site. Prayers for restful sleep. 

 

 

 

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It makes me so angry, when I see or read things on Facebook or other media like the one Mermaid tears posted here. I deleted my FB account 3 month ago. This drug business is getting so bad everywhere , in Germany too. I see all the pain drugs cost to all them people taking drugs or never had anything to do with drugs , is so sad. I never thought my son's death had to do with drugs. He just was thirsty , being at a birthday party , had a sip of .....what he thought was just lemonade.....,unknown there was methadone in it . two more kids drunk from it, they spit it out, cause it tasted so nasty, but my son swallowed it already. They didn't know what they drunk, so later they went to sleep and my son never walk up after that. If one of them boys wouldn't have told us that the one boys mother is a drug addict, getting of the drugs with methadone , we never would known. We went to the police and they did an autopsy and they found methadone in his blood. After 3 month , the police investigation still going on , because they didn't found the bottle with the methadone in it. That woman had to much time , while everything happend to get rit of that bottle. So the police has just the boys story........I didn't even know before what methadone was , that it was a drug or what one use  it for. Now I know a lot about drugs. One get involved in it , even one has nothing to do with it....you know what I'm saying ! This drug business got out of hand a long time ago, the government should spend a lot of money in police, drug prevention ect., what they sure don't do here in Germany.

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Silky

i. Too.  Do not see the need to post the grafgic things that just recently were posted showing drug industry things.  What was the point to add to our already suffering parents when chikd had died no matter the ways.   I mean I'd never show a knarled car reck with a dead body in it here!!!

the fact we lost our child is enough to post.    I comment u for stating this.    Rainie

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I fail to see what I posted as 'graphic'....I posted a plea from a parent to warn others about what happened to her son....we have many parents on this site whose child died from an overdose...and I was reaching out to them to let them know that many walk in their shoes.

Rainie..and Silky....what graphic thing did you see that I posted....and please be specific in what did I post showing drug industry things.

I have never 'added suffering' to any parent on this site....

I am really getting very tired of being attacked on this site...

 

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Sorry just saying how it came across so maybe the hint would come thru.    That's all.  Others also were just saying ~~<

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Susan I didn't see any drug industry things. I saw a plea from a woman whose child died with a picture of the heartache she endured. I even considered copying what was written underneath and posting it on FB. You're cool with me (I think we are at opposite ends of the political scale that is why I don't bring my politics here lol) I realize some people may be very sensitive to this but two kids the next farm down died from some powder from china. The 20 year old that brought it to the party lost his 2 best friends and is now in prison for manslaughter. Your post was a word to the wise it takes one tiny bit of some unknown substance. Many people think an overdose is an over dose but that isn't always the case kids need to be forewarned.

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Susan, perhaps this image was too much for others whose children died in this manner...don't know, but I appreciate the honesty of the Mom who posted it and for you to post it too, our children are leaving at a very quick rate due to drugs. Back in the 1970's, when I was a teen experimenting, at first it was fun and stupidity, then drugs took many of my friends, another portion of them contracted hep from sharing needles...so I saw the really ugly side of drugs. I was lucky to back out of that world in time.

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Susan, thank you for sharing that with us. It was shown on our National news the other night. The truth hurts doesn't it? We are forced to face the very sad reality of seeing with our own eyes what we often try to block out. This mother was brave in sharing such a personal  and painful moment in her attempt to shake people up to the reality of the dangers of drugs. Poor kid. Listen, my opinion is that they need to hunt down these dealers and throw them into prison and throw the key away. Life without parol.  I know it is hard to see this picture... but if it stops one kid from a bad ending then it is worth it. Thanks again, for sharing.

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Same here, Dee. I'm pretty lucky to have survived.

I think the epidemic now is so wide-spread that it's hitting all areas so hard. So many easy to obtain opiates that lead to really strong addiction and have such a high incidence of abuse. I cry for all the parents that have to go through that and my son was heading that way if he didn't know it at the time. I lost a lot of friends in the 80's as well, and I only stopped myself when a very close friend died.  Now it's different, it's everywhere and so prevelant and the drugs are more addictive than ever. I have already talked to my younger son about drugs and can only hope for the best.

My heart is crushed for each of you who have to go through it. My county has an initiative called 'A Way Out' where anyone can walk into almost any police department and ask for a way out and they will be free from prosecution and they find treatment for them.  It's that bad here and I'm in a more affluent suburb of the city. I've been getting more and more involved in it, solely because I don't want any other parent to go through what I am going through. It's a different kind of loss, but equally profound and devastating.

Many hugs to all of you, I don't think any harm was meant at all by the posts. Knowing Susan's past posts, I am sure it was only out of compassion.

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Dee your poems are great.

Silky I understand you may have found the FB post painful but everyone has the ability to scroll down if you don't agree with a post. I have done it myself choosing to not respond because it goes against what i think or believe but also because I respect other people's views and know we are all vulnerable and hurting and so dont want to cause offence or pain. Not every post or quote is for ourselves it may ring true for another parent who has been in that situation. I believe we are all agreed on the damage drugs cause to the family and friends not only the person who takes them to deal with the pain in their own life. We are all in the different stages of grief too, some have become more accepting and reflective and open to forgiveness some are still very raw and angry with everything and almost everyone, some are just numb and closed in and not reactive either way. All of those stages are normal we each have to find our own way. Your reactions are totally true I would have been furious at my child dying that way and knowing that someone else was responsible. i hope there is some resolution with the police investigation for you all.

Rainie I get that you felt uncomfortable too, maybe we should stick to just posting thoughts and quotes in future? just a suggestion.

Mermaidtears your heart was in the right place I get totally what you were trying to say. please don't feel attacked, you posted what you felt was right, but everyone has different opinions, this is a discussion site. some people will react more strongly because it touches them in a very personal way and we have all reacted in a knee jerk response when a bit fired up haven't we?

We are all agreed that drugs destroy lives and if we can be part of the solution by writing in our local papers or emailing the legislators then that will be good. i too am glad that my kids are all older now although i did educate them from a young age. my tommy also did drugs for a few years it started off innocently, peer pressure etc and bucking authority, but it took him over and he was addicted for a while, so i know firsthand how devaststing it for everyone and how it can spiral out of control very quickly. Then there are the kids who are not addicts who innocently take something believing it to be something else and react badly or die,also tragic.

Devianz I think that county programme sounds excellent i wish more counties offerred it to help addicts befor it is too late. i also agree that no harm was meant by sharing the post it was definitely out of compassion.

Jeff'smom they def need to hunt down the dealers and throw away the key, they are selfish evil people who are only in it for personal gain and dont care who or how many are hurt in the process.

I appreciate everyone who posts here on this site. Their honesty and desire to help others is clear, that is why we are here to share and care. As in every part of life there will be differences in opinions i guess we just need to communicate effectively to ensure we can all move on positively

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Hello

Somewhere I heard that May 1 is Bereaved Parents day.  In honor of this, we light a candle for all those that left too soon and for us left behind.

Sounds good to me

Hello all.  Is anyone else's mood affected by lack of sunlight?  Wow, we have had more rain this Spring than I remember in years past.  Hope the sun is shining by you.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

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Colleen, Super cloudy and dreary here for three days, and our yard was deeply under water, but there were hints of blue sky and I was able to get out for a few walks, my students had outdoor recess so it is getting better..slowly.

Kate I agree that drug dealers need to go away for a long long time. Sadly, there are so many and yes, the heroin, the opiates, are so much more addictive than in the past. I can't remember which parent who asked, " would you post a photo of a car crash?" My answer is yes, if it will help the next person realize not to text and drive, drink and drive, to wear a seat belt...our local high school will sooon place a crashed car on the lawn of the school with a sign about driving distracted...they do it just before prom to really get the idea across. Yes, if one child like my own could be saved I would post a photo of the car she was in when it got rammed by a train...
 

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Hello   to   all  INDIGOS.

Tinay-------I am so sorry for your loss of your dear daughter, so very recently.

No words can offer much comfort in this early time for you......the pain and

sorrow and shock,  are just too great. I hope that you can return to this site.

Everyone here shares the one common denominator of losing a dear child/children.

Please come back, you are welcome here.

 

Rainie-----You have said the same thing that I had said nearly 14 yrs. ago when I

first found my way to this site.......You are right...that this site is a place where you

can come and express all the roller coaster emotions that befall us after losing a

child.   I guess that other people ....(those who haven't lost a child)  have no way

of comprehending the sorrow, anger,  pain, and despair that we must deal with

after our children left this world too soon.  Peace to you.

 

Dee, Wade, and Becky-----thanks for posting  the poems.

 

Lesley-----Also, thank you for your post....well-worded, and has so much wisdom.

 

Dee------Fields will be planted next week....if they dry out enough.  so much rain,

and violent storms lately.  I feel so badly for the people in Texas and Oklahoma

with all the twisters there.

 

Susan-----Praying that the tornadoes did not hit your area.

 

PEACE      AND    TRANQUILITY    TO   ALL  INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

 

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I know that in Driver's Ed the kids are shown a video of  the aftermath of a car crash. A wake up call for kids to realize that this is serious and bad things happen if they become reckless. 

Dee...your poem hit a nerve. I saw much of myself at the beginning. We walked into the site over the weekend and you won't believe it! For the second time someone has stolen the infamous pail that we water the flowers with. We keep it hidden behind trees down the path in the woods. Guess we will have to find another spot to hide it. Honestly. it defies the mind how someone can sink that low. What is the point? They have taken driftwood, designer rocks, etc. I mean it is a ten minute walk into the spot overlooking the lake. I had a dream about both of my boys last night. Gosh, how I miss them. 

Colleen, the weather here has been up and down for a full year. We had a wonderful weekend and it was quite warm and sunny. The long range is for a hot and dry summer.

Wishing everyone a peaceful evening.

Kate

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Mermaid tears , I'm sorry I didn't mean to offend or attack you at all. I just wrote down what I think about the drug industry. I know you meant no harm.

.

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When I first came on to this site almost 5 years ago I was met with open hearts and warm kindred spirits. At that time, oldies were Dee, Sherry, Mike's Mom,, Trudi Colleen and a bit newer,  Kate , Becky, and Gretchen were here. Through their kind actions and listening hearts it made what was most unbearable a lighter load. We celebrated our children's lives together and helped each along the past 5 years. This meant that we who also stayed on, wrote to many broken hearts, as one will notice the number of posts under our names.

I treasure those who have walked with me this coming up on the 5 year mark. You all made a difference in my life. Immensely. That too is why I stay on. We had had those come on afterwards we tried to lend a hand to as well. Shannon, Wade, Georgina, Steve's Mom MaryAnn, Michaels Mom, and so many others. Their children, all precious.

It is to honor our children and their lives which is why this thread has stayed strong for so many years. Dee's daughter, Erica, and Sherry son, Davey transitioned the same year as my older sister, Julie (killed and left for dead, 3 cars ran her over, only one was found -- the rest fled the scene.).. Julie was in May  and Erica in July with Davey in June.  

Susan, has posted so much to new parents with an open kind spirit. I felt I had to say that. She also made some items to send out to my daughter, who was in a dark deep depression at the time from losing her brother -- which I still have Susan's treasured gifts in my home. Another was sent to my mom, also who lost 2 of her children. 

Here is a pic similar to some Susan posted in our earlier days.

Screen Shot 05-02-17 at 06.55 AM.PNG

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This is a kind and compassionate group.  We are a group sharing after loss thoughts and feelings and even some everyday things that show that it is possible to adjust to our new normals.  Hearts are heavy and emotions are high.  I have always found kindness here. I know I have used this snippet before but I felt it says a lot to me and my journey.

village.jpg

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I just got off the phone with my sister. She said she is here for me, whatever she can do to help me move on when I'm ready. I just wanted to scream "I'll never move on". I held my tongue and asked if she googled how to help someone with the loss of a child. She said no. I said, I'll never move on, I will learn to deal and live with the pain. 

I got resistance when I talked about a wrongful death suit. In tired if trying to explain to most family members why I feel the need to pursue this. I'm not trying to be vengeful. I see it as a stepping stone for mandated education in our state. My daughter was a unique case. Postural Asphixiation with alcohol involved. Only one in my state that was positioned that way, which led to suffocation. Every other case the person ended up putting themselves that way. My daughter didn't. Then when she was moaning, states attorney said sounded like she was asking for help, a boy instead took pictures and snap chat videos. I guess I needed my sister in my corner but not going to happen. I realize everyone has their own way to grieve but she was my daughter. I'm starting to get angry.  If they can't be on my side then don't bother talking about it. I know they are trying to help. They are not. 

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I so identified with that brave, valiant hero Mommie....there she was in the ruins of grief....but wanting to reach out with a warning...and a caution...for other parents. When we are hit...with this kind of grief...and we are shattered...the shock suit fits so tight..and our minds are foggy...it is hard to see beyond. You and I know how very physical this grief can hit you...it does feel as if your heart is breaking...and this brave Mommie still had enough brain cells to issue a warning. We do not want another family...to go through what we are thrust in.
 
 
I am on my 5th year of my grief journey....and I still need other parents who walk their own grief journey to help me...give me insight in how they survive....or they feeling a lift of that dark blanket of mourning ? I get much consolation in the fact that you..they know what I am going through...without me explaining...on holidays...marker days...interaction with family and friends. In truth...I can find my balance in just knowing another Mommie is out there and has the same way of thinking and feeling. My mind still goes back and forth and back and forth....in 'that was then....this is now'....sometimes that can be very exhausting. I cannot control that. I have one foot in yesterday and another foot in today. Maybe one day I will be able to reconcile that balance...or lack of.  You give me great insight...and so many others....in ways to cope.
 
I also identified with that Mommie...crawling in bed with her child....I so wish I had been with John David...and I could have held him....I was there when he took his first breath...and I wanted to be there when he had his last on this earth home. I hope her posting was shared many times....for I think the right person was there at the right time to read it...and save them a life time of grief.
 
Silky....I think the information you gave us on this site was very cautionary information...regarding methadone..and one day....when you feel you have more balance you may share what happened to your child...and it will help another parent. We are here to help each other....and support each other when we are having a meltdown...a bad day...a bad week. We are also here to let each other know when we are having a good day....a bright spot opens up....we receive a sign.
 
I like to hear of your family....your flowers....your job...after all....we all live and walk on this earth home...and by sharing our experiences and good or bad situations...we become more real....and our child/children becomes more than just a name. Sometimes I feel as if I 'knew' your child...

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good quote dianne. i often google quotes about anger or grief or pain and just reading them makes me feel better and more understood, I am still adjusting to my new normal and getting to know myself again after literally losing my mind with grieving.

My sister has just finished her 4 day trek up Machu Piccu in honour of my Tommy and is raising money for our local charity which supports the homeless addicted and mentally ill. I am so proud of her acheivement and a very worthy charity is going to benefit. I am trying to find life after death and positivity after negativity its what he would have wanted.

Laurie that picture is worth a thousand words, and I love that you demonstrated to the newbies that we are here for the long haul not just a couple months, supporting each other.

Silky it is ok if that post upset you and to voice that, because we then can be more aware of sensitive subjects ok? Anger is a powerful partner in the journey.

Kate it is appalling that humans can steal from sacred very personal places it saddens my heart that they can stoop so low.

Sherry thank you for your kind words I have a strong desire to help others on their journey and find it also helps me to heal.

Tinay it is impossible for others to see our point of view even if they are family because they just dont understand. Your anger is totally justified and I applaud your efforts in trying to change the laws. if no one tries it will never happen right? Family often try and stop us from taking action because they think it will upset us more especially if plans dont go our way. What they do not understand is that we are trying to stop this happening to anyone else's child because we first hand understand the devastation of losing a child. i encourage your fight because ultimately whether you are successful or not you did your absolute best and fought for justice for your child and for others. It is not revenge it is highlighting a huge flaw in society and holding people accountable for their actions or non actions where life could have been saved. You are not ready to move on because you have a battle to fight. Moving on comes much later down the line. Part of healing comes from knowing you did everything you could for your child even after death.

Colleen hi. For me many days are bereavement days but then conversely some are not.I find candles very spiritual too. Light is very important especially to those in our position. Light signifies an end to yet another sleepless night, a new day a fresh start, and is also proven to freshen the spirits. I have been using a blue light to help me with SAD which has been good. We get a lot of rain in the UK!

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Thank you Laurie and thank you Susan, your words touch that place in our still-beating hearts, reminding everyone on this journey, that we have work to do...that we are still here because we have work to do.

Tinay, I am sorry that your sister cannot fully embrace your pain, your family however cannot fully understand and you would not want them to, for fully understanding would mean that they too, lost a child. You can tell them that you need them to listen and to be there for you, but that as far as advice, to please not give it unless it is asked for, for you have to follow your own path now...one that seeks justice or answers for your Girl. May you find the answers you seek.

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Kate, the first three years after Erica died, just about everything I placed at ERi's gravesite, disappeared or were shredded by the stupid giant mower...so I put nothing there anymore unless it is flowers in my little metal holder. So sad that things get taken from our precious sites, and that yours gets taken from the forest itself...amazingly sad.

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Tinay...many parents on this site has had to grit their teeth and fight for justice for their child...and they had to go it alone. We are here to hear you and will support you in any way we can with our words of encouragement and understanding of the 'why' you are doing this. Trust your 'Mama Intuition'....I find as time goes on it is a great guide.

Kate...am sorry you have to face this kind of human blight...we will never get an answer to the 'why'....we all know your strong spirit and this will not keep you for doing the right thing in how you honor your boy.

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