Grief and the Court System

[willsmom]

Guest: You cannot be talking about the "Denise" I know...You also might want to seek help for your anger and concern with who did what and who didn't.

If my soon to be ex-husband posted these things about me on a GRIEF site I would sue him.

I am sorry for your loss, but you must deal with your anger else where. We ONLY help and SUPPORT here, not rip and smear someone, anyone for that matter.

Wishing peace, or better yet hoping you find peace.

Sincerely,

WillsMom~~Allyson

[ribitsmom]

Allyson...Guest is definitely talking about a different Denise. My husband and I are still together, although there are days that we have a full blown war, but that is part of life, and marriage.

[willsmom]

I knew it~~

Who is this guy bashing and why? I wish people would learn to live and let live, especially after we/they have lost so much. Life is way to precious and way to short to harbor such anger.

How are you? I am better now that I finally got my husband up and out. I feel like a new person. I had know idea his name calling and drunken behavior had brought me down so much. I really believe he only provoked my depression and despair with his own. I hope and pray that things continue to move forward, and I continue to heal, even though the holidays were rough. My living boys go with him this weekend, so I expecting that to throw me for a loop...a lonely loop, but better than having them live like they were living.

I hope you are well and life is being kind to you and yours. Stay in touch.

Your Friend,

Allyson

[ribitsmom]

Allyson, I am so glad that you made the correct choice, I am sure that things will go between tough and not so tough for a while, but your strong and will pull through. That isn't an environment to raise kids.

We are living in one heck of a mess; we have been remodeling forever and at this piont, I am sick of it. Most of the time it is exciting, but at the moment I am living in drywall dust EVERYWHERE. And, if that isn't bad enough, my hubby invited people over (friends of Bridgette's) for Prime Rib tonight, and there is NO WAY I can get the house clean for it.

I have to travel on the 5th for a week, my husband leaves on the 7th for the UK and then on to Australia for a while, so we will be in this mess for a quite some time. Oh well, that has what our life has become, so I should just get used to it.

As for Guest...I assume that he needed to vent and this is a good place to do so; however, Guest did an awful lot of slandering and the EX is mentioned by name and could file suit...So, my advice to Guest is to watch what you say so you don't find yourself in jail again and don't end up paying through the nose. I understand your anger, and hurt. I am so sorry that you lost your child and then to lose a child and go through the rest of that is just not fair, but for your benifit, be careful what and how you say things.

Denise

[willsmom]

Denise:

You are going to burn a hole through your passport~~LOL~~

The re-modeling sounds like great fun...just wait for the outcome...I know it will look awesome, and just think, all fresh and new!!

I love prime rib, the boys and I had it a week or so ago. They put them on sale for the holidays, so I always buy a few. They are so delicious nice and rare...That makes me hungary.

Anyway, I am off to register for a class and see if I cannot get started on finishing my degree. I lack so little, but this course is just dealing with the true ins and outs of computers. Back in my college days it was typewriters or hand-written...Gosh, that sounds so old, but anyway, I figure I need to know this computer stuff like the back of my hand to make papers and such easier to set up and just learn all that I don't know, which is alot. I just research and e-mail....so I have a long way to go---Better head off, before the line is out the door or I run into some other problem, which always seems to happen when you try to register for a class(es)---plus, I need to clean up Will's from the holidays...a sad job, for sure!

You have a safe and fun time on your trips and let me know when you get back. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.

Allyson

[Guest Guest]

hello all.... ive red all of your past messages and all i can say is you are truley wonderful people who have had their fair share of bad luck to say the very least...i am new to this site... well any for that matter... it has taken me so long to find sum1 to speak to who may understand the way im feeling at the momment.... im a 31 year old mother of 3, 2 girls aged 11 and 7, and a lovely little boy( tho somtimes a monster!!!!) aged almost 2. my daughter aged 3... jessica.... sadly passed away on the 17th Dec 06.... very sudden.... I cant begin to tell you how supportive friends and family have been but for some reason it just will not register what has happend... it just doesnt feel real.... Jessi sufferd from an infection called Encephalitis at age 4 weeks.... this led to her becoming severely disabled, quadrapalaegic cerebral palsy, partially blind, severe learning difficulties, unable to talk or walk and had to be fed thru a peg in her tummy, but despite all this, she was so beautful, with the most beautiful smile ever and melted the hearts of many.... she never sufferd from so much as a cold after her initial infection and was fine the night i put her to bed but sadly the next morning jessi had gone..... my life is upside down now and i just dont even know how i feel, she was my life... 24/7..... but i just feel numb. my husband and i seperated in September and are going thru a divorce after a very abusive marriage.. anyway i dont want to sound morbid because im not usually that kind of person, i just seem 2 attract bad luck......luv to all...

[willsmom]

Hello Guest:

First and foremost, let me express my deepest regret over the passing of Jessi, I can understand what you are feeling at this point, which is numb and total and utter disbelief, and this will remain with you for quite some time. I really had a hard time with the acceptance factor. I never could quite grasp why and I surely, did not feel as though everything that was happening was "real"---Give yourself time. A sudden death is not only shocking, but it leaves so many unanswered questions. That is how I began my quest for answers, and boy, did I find some ugly ones, but it helped me to know exactly why Will died, who caused it, what were his chances would have been if this OB had done her job...he would have lived, according to the doctor's who cared for him within a 95% and went on to lead a normal life, but he/I were robbed of that chance by a sloppy, disregarding doctor.

On your loss, I can only comfort you with words, and that I know, can be hollow, after all they change nothing. I just want you to know Jessi is at peace and she knows you love her.

If there is anything I can ever do for you, please let me know. We all lean on each other all the time. Sue, Denise, and I really burn up this thread, as you have probably noticed...and we are always willing to listen.

Take care and try and be good to yourself, and know we are here---WillsMom~~Allyson

Speaking of Sue---where have you been girlie??~~

[franki75]

hi again this is paula.... long story bout the user name..... anyway.... thanku so much 4 your most wonderful words of comfort... all i can say is that im so glad i found u....I am so so so sori to here bout your loss and i mean that 100%.... there really is nothing worse.... ive lost so many people in my life..... my mum died in 1976 when i was 18mths old so both my sets of granparents raised me..... one grandad passed when i was 5 my other grandad when i was 21..... but he was like a dad to me...... my grandma when i was 14 who was my mums mum.... and my only remaining grandparent is seriously ill just having got over cancer. But the strange thing is i felt so different then.... i was distraught... now i just feel dead. i wish so much i could feel somthing, i cry and get on with things but nothing seems real, it feels like its all a pretence... and i hate that...thanku 4 contacting me... please keep in touch

[joshsmom]

Hi Everyone!

Sorry, I haven't been posting alot lately, I have a very nasty cold and it's been hanging on for 2 months already! Once the Holidays were over, it really hit me hard! Finally, I think I am feeling better!

I am so sorry to read the new posts! To Jesse's Mom, I cannot begin to tell you how I wish I could just take this all away! We all wish that, but I am glad you found us! We do lean on each other and find alot of comfort in knowing we are not alone! Unfortunately!!!!!!

It has to be hard to not have your little girl there after caring for her like you did, since she was born! But also, she sounds so amazing!!! I know, she knows how much you love her! This is the best gift you could have given her!!!

I know that my son, Joshua, is always around me! I sometimes get signs from him, and this is a Godsend!!!! Talk to her, whenever you need to, because she hears you! My son was a great kid! I miss him with everything in me, but it has been 2 and a half years now, and little by little, I am beginning to realize that this is my life now! I may not like it, but I have no choice. I have a 22 yr old son,and a husband, that need me! Josh also, still needs me! I have to continue on with the life I was dealt!

Josh was only 16, and this makes me sad! I know he didn't want to leave us either, but I also know that he is in a Paradise that we can only imagine!

I hope you post often and write whenever you need to talk! We are here for you, and we do understand what you are feeling!!!

Take care!

How are you doing, Allyson? I give you so much credit for being strong enough to make the changes in your life, that will make things better for you and your boys!

I really appreciate your friendship!!!

Josh's Mom (Sue)

[franki75]

Dearest all.... Thankyou so much for your wondreful kind words........ I cant begin to tell you how much finding you all has helped me already.... Im so sori to here of your loss sue, i dont think for one minuit that it makes any difference be it 2 weeks or 2 years... the pain is still the same, but its also reassuring to know that it may get easier with time...you have my uttmost sincere thoughts and i do hope we can be of a big help to each other.... im more than sure we will. I still am finding it difficult to take in... i cant even bare to think of my little princess's face... even though she was so beautiful... its just too hard and i have to just keep shutting it out of my mind and get on with the usual day to day routine... i hate the way i feel.... i really do want to cry and feel somthing but i just feel so completely empty... dead. i guess im just dealing with it my own way.... ive got the other 3 little darlings in my life that keep me more than occupied and really do take my mind off things... good or bad thing... im not really sure! What are all your situations with your losses if you dont mind sharing?... please do keep in touch... im on here every day.... hope your cold gets better soon sue! ohhh... meant to ask where you all from?... speak soon and take care... Paula...

[joshsmom]

Hi Paula,

I'm just glad to know that something I said can be of help to you! It is so hard to try and comfort someone, going through the loss of their child, and only have words! It doesn't seem like enough sometimes!

My story is a long one, with alot of unanswered questions, but here goes:

My son, Joshua, was 16 years old when he passed on May 31, 2004, which was Memorial Day, that year. He was a good boy, and never got into trouble, but had some learning difficulties, and didn't always understand the conciquenses of actions....even since he was a little boy!

Anyway, he was out with his 3 best freinds, for the night, called home to ask if he could spend the night at his friend, Adam's house, and we said OK.

The next morning at 11:00am, the police cheif and coroner knock on our door to tell us that our "son was deceased"! I nearly died myself, in that instant!

We found out later that day, that another kid, who barely knew Josh, but we live in a small town, so they knew of him, had been around the night before, handing out his Mother's perscription Methedone! Josh had taken 2, 10ml pills and went to sleep at Adam's house, only to be unresponsive in the morning, when they tried to wake him. He had a massive seizure during the night, and passed away!

The kid was charged with 1st Degree Reckless Homocide and distibuting a perscription narcotic, we were in and out of court for 17 months, he was caught with Methedone again, 11 months after my son died, and his own mother overdosed on it, while shooting it up, on, what should have been, Josh's 18th birthday.

He finally got his day in court, was charged as an adult, because he turned 18 a few months after this happened, but he was able to plea bargain down to 1 year in jail and 5 years probation, which he just began January 3rd 2007. (His year in jail ended and so now we wait and see if he can stay out of trouble for 5 years on probation, supposedly, if he skrews up now, he loses his plea bargain and goes directly to prison for the 10 years he was supposed to get!

I don't know if that would really happen, our County is known for letting people slide on probation!

But anyway, that's pretty much it! My son made one mistake in his life and paid for it with his life.....this kid had made many many mistakes and just keeps on going, doing whatever he wants too!

It's sad!

Sorry for rambling, but Josh's story can't really be explained easily, unless you knew him! I don't want anyone to ever think my son was a bad kid! He wasn't!

He loved life and all his friends and family! He always put other people before himself and was always there for them!

I hope you have better days, but you know now that we are here for you whenever you need to talk or cry!

Keep posting!

Thanks for the reply and for listening about my son!

He means everything to me!

Take care,

Sue

[franki75]

Dearest Sue.... Im lost for words..... I am so so,so very sori to hear of your loss, its simply heart breaking.... you know.... when u really do think you are alone in your life or situation somthing happens or someone appears to share or help with things that makes you actually realise that you are certainly not alone at all.... i keep asking myself the same question over and over again... why me... why us... why them? This world is so unfair and cruel but we have to face what life throws at us and deal with it best we can or know how.... even if its not how we planned... my life is far from how i ever immagined or hoped it would be, but then again what ever is?... Please try and take some comfort if u can in believing that we are all put on this earth 4 some reason or another and that whilst we are here we have to do the best 4 the ones we love which im more than sure Josh knows u do... and Jessi... and that we are only temporarily here to take care of them and do our best..... its just a cruel world and unfair.... but im more than sure that now we have met, that our 2 angels will be the brightest shining stars with no more pain or conditions and are playing happily together watching over us both.... probably thinking.... come on.... sort yourselves out.... youre the one with the problems now!!..... Anyway... I really do hope that we can stay in touch.... from now on i will be on here daily if poss and i just want to say that each and every one of u are truley amazing people..... Be strong and keep smiling.... what else can we do!!!!.... love and thoughts to all... Paula

[willsmom]

Hey Sue---Sorry about the cold..but I am so glad to hear from you...I have missed you...I really did not take alot of time to read all the posts...I was checking to see if you had gotten my question...I have missed you!

The boys have a new computer, so this one should be more free for me. I will re-read everything tomorrow and get back in touch....so check in..we need can touch base, and I will be better informed once I can read everything and we can chat....My oldest son is bugging me...already....spoiled little rascals.

Anyway, good to see you back...Denise is out of the country...should be home soon...Look for me tommorow, I will be in touch,

Much Friedship,

WillsMom~~Allyson

[ribitsmom]

Hi All, I actually just got back a few minutes ago and was checking emails and this forum;

Franki75, I am so sorry for the loss of your daughter, the grief that you must be feeling right now, I am sure, is numbing; and to have 3 more little ones to care for and a divorce to deal with all at the same time is probably taking away from your opportunity to grieve the way you need to. Be sure to post often, as you can see for yourself, we all find tremendous comfort here at this site.

We lost our daughter, Bridgette, in a car/train crash on Sept. 26, 2003. She was 2 months from turning 18 and went out for the night with 3 others. They were hit by a train 2 miles from home. It was immediately stated that the kids had been drinking, which was later found to be false. It was also stated that they went around the arms at the crossing, which we feel in false also. We have been dealing with law suits since the accident and will not have our day in court for another year...it is such a long drawn out process for us and can't wait for the day that it is done.

We have another child (a man now at age 20) that has taken a beating over losing his sister, it has been the most devistating thing that can happen to a family...losing a child. Bridgette was the most fun loving, goofy teen you could have met. She had a heart of gold, loved kids, art, acting and was a wonderful part of our family that we will never have back.

As time goes by, you learn to live with the new life you are left with when your child is taken from you, but it isn't easy, and it is never the same. Our lives will always be missing someone, until we meet Bridgette again.

Denise

[willsmom]

Hey all~~Glad to see posts from everyone and let me add my deepest sympathy to you Paula. I am sorry we all had to meet like this, but nothing beats the support I have received from my friends on this board---they truly are wonderful people.

My story is a long one, Paula--so I will condense it as much as possible. My son was born with a congential heart defect that could have been easily corrected with surgery. He was a big, beautiful boy with no other problems. I had a(n) ultrasound that was a level 2, which we paid for out of pocket due to the fact that I was older (36) and we wanted to make sure all was well with our baby. All appeared normal on that ultrasound, but due to my age the doctor with the practice to do the ultrasound wanted a complete fetal echocardiogram done; well, the OB with whom I was a patient of never read, signed off on or even noted the order, thus it was never done, and my son was born in a hospital ill-equipped to handle his problem. He was heli-vacced twice and ended up in a large hospital in Fl., where he struggled to live for 25 days. He was quite strong and it looked like we were going to be able to have the surgery, but he died suddenly in the night. We are now in full ligation over the fact that if this order for a(n) echo. would have been done, he would have been born at an approriate hospital, thus improving his chances for survival. His attending Cardiologist has testified that his chances were 95% at a normal life and of surviving the surgery. That is his/my story in a nut-shell, and it makes me madder than hell to even type it---How could someone be so stupid? I firmly believe I would have Will here with me if the echo. would have been done. This OB cost him any chance at life, and thus causing his death. That is all I really can deal with speaking about it, the anger is still with me and it has been 2 years and 4 months. I miss him everyday, and wonder what he would have been like, what he would be doing...I must stop for now.

I hope all of you are well. I am better, but typing that is like slapping myself over and over. I am so lonely for him. I am going to go.

WillsMom~~Allyson

[joshsmom]

Hi Allyson,

Thankyou for sharing your story of Will, again, because, although I knew the major reasons you lost Will, I was not aware of all of the errors that played a part in it!

It is so sad to reread and rewrite our stories, but everytime, I seem to be able to add one thing that shows me getting alittle stronger....never over it, never accepting of it, but stonger within myself!

I don't really want to be, I guess I am feeling again, that when I am not fully grieving all the time, I am forgetting Joshua!

I know that this isn't true and I also know that he wants me to be able to continue my life.....I also know that my sadness makes him sad! I wouldn't ever want to make him sad! So I work hard at trying to do my best to live the life I have now! I try not to focus on thinking about things that make me cry! I really want to be able to make Josh proud of me!

Thanks for posting your story!

Take care!

Josh's Mom (Sue)

[willsmom]

Hey Sue--I am pissy, it seems like the trial will be this summer, unless "they come to the table" to quote my attorney...which I have grown so fond of...he is such a fighter...and knows Will should have never died, but here I sit wishing things different....I am feeling that a baseball bat would give me much happiness at this point...Joking, of course. I am going to fight for Will, FOREVER....I hate the justice system....we should all band together and form a grief adavocy(sp) group....I am just pissed, and sounding off...We could all help others who have had children die wrongfully...no matter the cause...I will shut up---and stop, I regretfully say, I want justice/an ass kicking(for those involved)...WillsMom~~Allyson

[joshsmom]

Allyson,

Boy do I understand what your saying about the justice system! I found out a few days ago, as you might not remember, the kid that gave Josh the Methedone, is out of jail now and serving his 5 years of probation.

He had work release or something while he was in jail for the year, and I found out that coming back in to jail one day, a few months ago, he had a random piss test done and was found to have drugs in his system! He still got out of jail after serving the one year, right on time! How can that work?????

Now according to the terms of his plea bargain, any drugs or alcohol, ANY, was grounds for the plea bargain to be dropped and he was to go to prison for the 10 years he was supposed to serve! (he was found guilty, just plea bargained the sentence down!

Anyway, he's out!

His probation terms also state he is to hold a full-time job and begin to pay is $9,000 restitution, reimbursment for lost wages, ambulance bill and funeral costs. As far as I know he's not even working! He had a job to be able to leave jail, but now that he's out, he's not working!!! I am sooooooo upset!

Our justice system sucks!

I am with you!

Take care,

Sue (Josh's Mom)

[willsmom]

Boy, Sue you are better woman than I am!! I would riding this kid's every move, I would petition the court to revoke his probation due to the fact he had a dirty drug test and he refuses to work. I would make his life hell. I would make him so afraid of me, that fear alone would drive him to do the right things, because he knows you are standing vigil over his lousy ass. I seriously, would call the probation office or his attorney and let them know you know and will take any and all measures to ensure he follows the rules or his drug using ass will be in jail for the duration of his sentence. He should be there right now. I'd get him~~and I mean that....A few phones and I bet someone would take notice, either his probation person or the presiding Judge. I would take this little bastard by the throat...he has learned nothing and you have suffered so much...think on it, if you need to, but I'd be on him like white on rice...WillsMom~~Allyson

P.S. Hope things are going well for you other than this. Take care and enjoy your weekend....I will be in touch.

[kirksdad]

Sue, I can't even imagine the total disgust you must feel for this kid, let alone all of the crap that is going along with him. It seems like people like him exist in their own world where everyone else is just a passing thought, if even that. I would like to think that his total adversion to everything that is good is because of the guilt he might feel because of Josh, but way too many times this type of human has none of those thoughts. I am with Willsmom in saying that you might give your DA a call and ask him some questions about why the kid was allowed out after failing a drug test while he was on work release. We have a kid here that I know that has hardly done anything and is serving 6 more months on his sentence for being out side the county by a mile or so while out on probation. I just don't understand our legal system at all. It seems that they just hound certain people and try their best to put them away for as long as they can while letting others just slide by, it is just unimaginable.

[willsmom]

See Sue---even our good buddy Kirksdad is disgusted....He hardly ever steps in and gives his thoughts; but he sees the horrible injustice....I hate to be a bitch, but I cannot stand this type of indifference---(concerning Josh).

Call on Monday, if you already have not...and demand---and I mean DEMAND this kid follow the rules or hit hard time.

I have turned into a different person since Will and NOONE will ever step on him or over him...

Time to open a can of whoop ass....a horrible southern saying, but it fits this situation. Get him while he is lulling around. Strike hard and fast.

Geez, I read some of the things I post and am amazed...but I speak what I feel here. Get him while you can, I know I would.

Your Friend---through thick and thin,

WillsMom~~Allyson

[joshsmom]

Thankyou so much for the support! I do wish that I could do more, but I already knew, going into this, that our County is leniant on Probation. It all sounds good on paper!

I did speak to the DA the day after he got out of jail, and he made no attempt to mention that this even happened! He read to me, off of his computer, the terms of his probation, and told me that we can call anytime we hear even a rumor of him doing something he's not supposed to be doing and he can get brought in for testing. But the fact that this happened, was never told to be by the DA in our converstation. The DA also read that he must maintain a full-time job and start paying us the $9,000 restitution, and in his next breath, said to me, "Where is this kid going to get this kind of money"! That's what I'm up against here! The DA feels sorry for this kid! He has all along, and every time we talk, he makes it a point to remind me that "Josh took these pills voluntaily"! Maybe so, but if this kid wouldn't have been giving them out in the first place, Josh wouldn't have had the opportunity to have taken them!

This is what we endured throughout the whole court proceedings! That's why I feel I am up against a brick wall here!

I just hope that when he does something stupid again, it doesn't cost someone else their life, and another family this pain!

Thanks again for your words of support, and I am not lying completely idol! My older son has lots of friends and they are all paying close attention to his actions. Five years is a long time to stay clean and out of trouble. I don't think he can do it!

I just am at a lose for what to do?? I feel like we are all alone in this!

I'll keep you posted!

Sue (Josh's Mom)

P.s.

As far as what Kirk's Dad said about the kids that do nothing major getting the most punishment, that's exactly how it works here too!!!! It's really very sad and kind of scary!

[kirksdad]

When Kirk was about 14 we had a cop here in town who was a complete and utter jerk. He has a chip on his shoulder that causes him to actually stalk kids so that he could pick them up. We knew this, but one night Kirk went to his door knocked and ran off. I know I did stupid things like that when I was a kid. Anyway, this cop chased after him pissed as hell, we were out of town at the time.

When we got home there was a message on our phone to come down to the police station. This cop picked him up and charged him with making terroristic threats.

Sue, I would keep on that DA's ass until you were paid back the complete amount.

You have been harrassed, well I would harrass him. These attornies are voted in by the voters. In the next election maybe there might be an alternative that would listen to you.

It went to court where the judge through it out, but the die was set and from there on this cop was everywere Kirk was. One night our friends let him back their car out of the driveway and this cop was waiting down the block and picked him up. It was such hell that I finally wrote the city manager and told her that I was going to sue the city for the harrassment of my child if she didn't step in and keep this moron away from my son. She explained that he was on his way out, but Kirk's course had been set, and all he did was knock on that subhumans door. It is just amazing that something like that could keep my child in a law enforcement hell for 2 years and it did. Even after that cop was fired the rest of the force wouldn't leave him alone. I know for a fact at the same time a well to do kid was dropping rocks from a bypass on the interstate at cars and got caught and nothing, absolutely nothing was done. There really is no justice for anyone who doesn't have the money to make their own. I don't understand, but that seems to be the way it goes.

[joshsmom]

Kirk's Dad,

Boy, do I understand!!!

There is a cop, actually, two, in our small town, of 2,000 people! They harass the kids here all the time! They follow them around, waiting for a reason to pull them over!

As a matter of fact, one of them was harassing Josh alot, right before he he passed away. He would pull him over and give him tickets for having two passengers in his vehichle when he was on his way to school. (He would often pick up two brothers for school, because it was cold, and they had to walk otherwise! He eventually got a letter saying he was going to lose his license, which was very devistating to Josh. (It never happened, he passed away before it took place.) Sometimes I wonder if the harrassment took more of a tole on Josh then he let on to us, or if more harrassment happened then he told us!

He often didn't say too much to my husband, knowing he would step in and Josh always thought that this would make it worse!

Anyway, I know people that have filed complaints against these two and nothing gets done either. We have also heard that the one is on his way out....that was 2 and a half years ago already and he is still working as a cop!

Justice just doesn't work like it is supposed to, that's the sad truth!

I will see what I can do!

Thanks for posting!

Sue

[willsmom]

Hey everyone...I see we have not been in touch for a few weeks, but I am having a hard time. I really don't understand why, but the panic attacks are back and the case is at a stand-still--or so it seems.

I just want to be left alone, divorce wise. He has no heart. He says he will help with soccer and football; then makes an excuse why he cannot be there, but he shows up anyway....What is that?

I cannot watch my boys looking for him and then he calls, saying he can't be there....but then he shows up...It is really screwing with my boys.

Help??? I think I am going to turn total bitch and have him tested....He brought his roommate to the soccer game...and then tried to talk to me...and it was strange....I know this is not court system ****, but it could be...Help???? WillsMom~~Allyson

[joshsmom]

Will's Mom,

Sorry I haven't been much help to you on this subject, but I think I might just tell your boys that your not sure if Dad is coming or not, that way they wont be diappointed if he doesn't show, and will be happy if he does!

As far as getting him to be on the same page with this, your probably out of luck, but maybe you can take the phone calls and that way he wont be able to tell your boys he's not able to come and then later, change his mind!

Also, if he has to talk with them by phone, then after they talk, just tell them that things could change, because Dad is very busy, but he will try and be there!

Hope this helps, I know it's making him look better then it should by doing it this way, but at least it's shielding the kids from the harrassment of not knowing what he's going to do!

Good luck to you!

I read the posts often, I just need to sometimes take time to think about what's said so I hopfully help and not say something dumb!

Take care!

Sue (Josh's Mom)

Boy I sure am missing Josh alot lately! I wish he would give me a dream or a sign so I could feel him around me! I hate when this much time goes by and I feel like he is so far away from me!

I just miss him!!

I know what you mean about wanting to be left alone!!!!!!

[ribitsmom]

I haven't posted for quite some time, which is probably a good thing, I think this means that I don't need this site as much as I used to.

We just got notice that we (the family)will need to be deposed the week of Aug 16th. The lawyer said to prepare ourselves for this, it will be very difficult. I can honestly say that I am not looking forward to this at all, but on the other hand I am; it will give me a chance to talk about Bridgette, as time goes by, people stop talking, and it feels as though she is being forgotten.

Things are finally moving along again with the case, it seems as though it became very stagnant for quite a while. They are now getting ready to conduct a number of depositions, the oposing side has been ordered to open up their calendar, to make room/time for these things.

There is so much I would love to say, but can't for fear of it being read by people I don't want to read it. It makes it very frustrating.

[willsmom]

Hey~~

Depositions are not as bad as you are led to believe, but please don't think that I am dismissing them as a walk along the beach either.

As I have told you, I was deposed about 4 hours, my soon to be ex was deposed about 45 minutes. It is just basically a re-counting of all the events, as you remember them, and it is difficult to go back to that "place" in time, and you will feel drained, but it is not something I would fret over. I would prep myself as I did the night before with re-reading all other depos., and meaningful paper work, and I would set my mind on fight mode and the "take no prisoners" attitude and it really helped me to make myself realize all of this is about Will and he is who I am representing. When you go in there they will give you this little speech about how they are not here to hurt or trick you~~believe nothing they say~~ NOTHING. Keep your answers short as possible, make dead on eye contact with whomever is questioning you, even if you are upset and you will cry...but remember...you are in a war, and you are there to fulfill a purpose. E-mail me if you want to get any deeper (gbush@rose.net).

Otherwise, just hang in there and fight, show no fear, and remember you are right, and they know it, in their gut. Type whenever, e-mail anytime.

WillsMom~~Allyson

[ribitsmom]

Thanks Allyson-I have a feeling that they will do more than try to get whatever information we recall form the accident, as none of us were even there; what I have been led to believe is that they are going for back-ground information too. Not that there is anything in Bridge's background that is going to hurt her, but that they are going to try to use something she did as a teenager to make her sound less worthy...that is what I am so upset about, I think.

I am thrilled that they are finally moving forward though. I wish that they had done all of these long ago, how many things have been forgotten?

[willsmom]

Oh Denise---Let them grill you over her life, she was young, smart, and just lovely...there is nothing to be gained by such an inquiry...to me, it is laughable...she was a young girl with nothing to hide. If they try that ****, your lawyer will be all over them like white on rice. Do not---DO NOT---worry over that.

I understand you were not there, but I was simply giving you my perspective on what happened to me. They are going to look at all the kids involved, which will be heart-wrenching for all involved because from what I have gathered from you; you all pretty much knew all that were there that horrible night. You have nothing to hide, nor does Bridge...so as I said before go in there with her on your shoulder; you are there for her...noone else. You have awhile to digest all this and think it all through, so use it to your benefit---they are going to use it to theirs.

I hope what I type helps you and does not ignite any emotions that you have not already felt. I am your friend, and want to help you any way I can, but I still want you not to fear this deposition...it is nothing to the attorney's that will be taking them. It is there way of feeling things out: Your determination, your state of mind, etc., just hang in there. You have come so much futher than I have....so I continue to be your biggest cheerleader and say: FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!!!!

And on a personal note, know I am in the same boat and want all the same things you do too. We will jump all hurdles, BS, and anything else thrown our way.

You are a wonderful Mother and person and know your daughter looks down with great pride.

WillsMom~~Allyson

[ribitsmom]

thanks Allyson, you're the best.

[kirksdad]

Denise, you might have an advantage here knowing what they are going to try and bring out. I have never had to go through anything like this so I don't have a clue, but I am sure you and your lawyer will be well prepared to face what ever they have to throw your way. A confrontational legal system has its good and bad qualities, unfortunately when the death of a kid is involved it seems it only has bad qualitites.

[willsmom]

Thanks Denise---but you are the best too. I am here, through thick and thin. Stay strong...and know I am with you through out this ugly process.

I cannot wait for the day we win for our children---and I KNOW we will.

What happened to them is wrong, unlawful and downright horrific.

Standing with you as always,

WillsMom~~ Allyson---our friend.

[willsmom]

Getting ready for (hopefully) the final divorce....and still fret and want Will to be be laid to rest in a strange way...I want to have him noticed, acknowledged, and by goodness that "OB" to just realize the destruction she has caused.

I am at a low point, wanting everything to turn out fair and right. I am just mad.

WillsMom~~Allyson

[jjrmom]

Hi,

If any one can please give me some information about there experience with a drunk driver in the court system. My son was killed by a drunk 4months ago. MADD has contacted us but are court case seems to get delayed. Are any of your familiar with the Watson Law? All I know it seems the court system seems to favor the criminal. My son was just 18 and 5 minutes from home. The drunk was 3 times over the limit and drove ten miles on the wrong way. Life just sucks. I miss him so so much. I can't understand how someone can plead not guilty and on bail for the longest time. Sometimes I feel like I am going insane.

Thanks

[willsmom]

My advice would to use to MADD to the best of your ability. If they have already contacted you, I would use them as a guide to aide myself through the legal wranglings you are about to encounter. They should be able to answer any and all questions you may have; this is after all one of their areas of expertise.

As for the Watson Law, I found nothing on the net. It must deal only with your state.

I wish you the best of luck. You are in for not only grief, but the legal system.

With Deepest Sympathy,

WillsMom

[jjrmom]

Dear Willsmom,

Thank you for reaching out and trying to help me. MADD is a good organization but unfortunately they really don't have a close representive in my area. A very nice lady from madd has been trying to help us. When my son first died someone asked me if I may want to head up madd in this area. Maybe when this is all over. Somedays I just have a hard time getting out of bed. Still hoping to wakeup from this nightmare and everything will be back to normal. Jerrod coming home and giving me a hug. Like most of us here. Someone told me the court case will go on even if I am there or not. I know that but I will be there for Jerrod even if it is a minute or another delay. I am trying to educate myself on the different laws. Someone mentioned the Courtney Law now to me. Thanks

[willsmom]

Do you have an attorney? He should be able to help in all aspects and then just use MADD as a back-up. This is a criminal case, and I have more kowledge in the medical malpractice area of the law than with drunk driving; your case may also be a civil AND criminal IF you go after this person for wrongful death, and all that goes along with that. I do, regrettfully, have knowledge of wrongful death and the areas that justify it as that, but you can easily find all the info., you may need on any search engine.

I know you are hurting deeply and I relate to all of your feelings, but it helped me alot to put all my anger into finding out every possible answer, outlet, and background information I could. I would obtain a copy of your son's medical records, police reports, etc., anything that will help your lawyer build your case, and it will also save him the time of doing all these things himself. I practically prepared my son's case, my attorney just had to verify and take the legal action I could not, due to the fact that I am not an attorney and have never been involved in a lawsuit. Try and channel your anger and pain into your situation, it helped me. The sadness and pain was always there, but I felt like I was helping Will, by fighting for the life he lost due to sheer negligence. I wish you only the best.

Also, try and rest, pray, and know or have the faith to know he is okay, and safe and you will see him again. There is another site you might find helpful and it is called: www.aplacetoremember.com~~there maybe someone there that can also help answer some of your questions, and help with the pain and the need to vent that we all have. Everyone there is kind and thoughtful and knows exactly what your are going through.

Again, I wish you peace and resolution in your case and I will pray for you and your boy.

Take care and know if I can help you in any way, I will.

WillsMom~~Allyson

[Guest Guest]

we have been thrown into the legal system now also since our son, jake, age 17 was killed in a car accident 11 weeks ago by his friend who was racing another car of teens hit a telephone pole. the driver walked away and was now charged with vehicular homicide but i think it should be aggravated veh homicide since the other driver and passenger of the car behind said they were going 80 mph to try to catch them but couldn't. the trooper said they can only prove at the time of the accident the car was going 55mph the legal speed limit at the site. where is the justice for jake? he should be here now had this driver not chose to push the gas pedal down to show off?? the driver is upset that these charges will interfere with his college entrance this fall, i wish jake could go to college.

[willsmom]

Guest: First, let me say my heart goes out to you and your family, and yes, Jake should be going to college. You need an attorney and you need a statement from the boy who states they were doing 80 mph, not 55 mph. This kid maybe your ticket in trying to prove your case for aggrevated vehicular homicide instead of the lesser charge of veh. homicide. I also find it quite disturbing that the driver is worried about his entering college, after he killed what I would assume to be his "friend"?? I would also try and get him on record as to stating he is worried over his college entrance over the fact that he was involved in an accident that cost the life of a human being~~your son.

I wish you luck, and would start questioning and gathering info. Police reports, statements, etc. If the police will not question the boys, I would do it myself...with a tape recorder or hand written notes. Check and see on the net if your state allows you to tape record a conversation w/out the other parties knowledge...some states will allow this in court and others will not, unless the other party is aware you are taping them. I live in a state that allows you tape a conversation w/out giving notification to the other party. Be sure your state is one of those, or it is of no value to your situation.

Good Luck and God Bless, your beloved Jake.

WillsMom

[Guest Guest]

I have created a website for Little Angel Elijah Simpson.

I want his memory kept alive forever. The brutal murder of this little boy touched my heart. It has saddened me to no end and i just felt like i wanted everyone to help me keep his memory alive so please visit his website and light a candle for this precious little angel!

http://elijah-simpson.memory-of.com/

[jjrmom]

Dear Willsmom,

Thanks for trying to help me. But the court system seems to favor the criminal not the victim. We were thrown for a big loop when we meet the DA the last time. The first time we meet the head DA told us if the drunk that killed Jerrod got a sentence of ten years he would serve 8 and half. Anything less then that would be half the sentence imposed. So if he gets 6 years he serves 3 good behavior overcrowding ect.But now all the sentencing in Calif. are changing something to due with Cunningham law don't quite understand that law. The guy that killed Jerrod is pleading gulity and is getting sentenced for 10 years but now only serves 5 or less.I don't know if this makes since to you but it doesn't me either. It is just sick. On May18th he is actually going to be sentenced and we get to talk and say how we feel about him and the sentence. No matter how much I don't like the guy and how he wrecked my life I would never wish this hell he has put us through.

[willsmom]

JrjMom--You are more than welcome, even though it appears that the court system has somewhat decided your fate without giving you much of a chance for input. I would seriously think about going after this boy/guy in the civil system. Remember when O.J. Simpson was sued by the families in civil court and they were awarded a set amount 33 million, I think; but you may not be able to go after this boy/guy on a civil matter since he will serve jail time, but it is worth looking into...getting five years for something this serious is simply wrong and unfair to you and your family. I would not sit back and let the legal system just roll over me.

And when you talk with him I would have the knowledge of whether I can/will go after him on a civil case and let him know it, IF you can tag him in civil court, I would. I mean, let him know you are going nowhere and will fight for your son and his wrongful death. Check all avenues before you just let this go.

I will shut up. Please know that I am glad to hear from you and wish you and your family the resolution(s) you need; and my your boy rest in peace. Losing a child is total misery, but fight for his memory.

WillsMom

[Guest Guest]

Young E-Published writer who has lost her mother, father, pets, friends, children and many significant others is putting the finishing touches on a table book which captures the humorous and sometimes inappropriate remarks that children and adults make when choosing what to say to someone who has suffered the loss of a Parent, Spouse, Lover, Friendship, Pet, Child or Business Partnership is seeking your contribution today.

These stories are not exclusive to death as loss can include those who have moved away from us either physically or emotionally. We are NOT seeking stories relating to the loss of jobs, homes or other personal property.

Painful memories when shared in a safe environment can often be soul healers so we hope you'll take the time to share with our understanding group.

When replying, please include your first name, age and the subject of the loss on the subject line:

i.e. LOSS OF PARENT or LOSS OF CHILD, etc.

Please fill out a survey here:

http://www.zoomerang.com/survey.zgi?p=WEB226E49J9JZG

-OR-

Send your responses to:

tablebook2007@yahoo.com

-OR-

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/tablebook2007/

Many thanks,

[willsmom]

Looking for Denise to discuss a few things with~~Denise, if you check in; let me know with a short note...June is a BIG month and I need your advice and support, if you don't mind.

There is so much going on that I can hardly keep straight with what is going on with Will and the divorce separate....

WillsMom~~Allysom

[jjrmom]

Dear Willsmom,

Iam so sorry to hear to hear your having a hard time. Death can change a families life forever. It it is so scary and sad but just know alot of people care about you and are pulling for you. I been told things happen for a reason but I don't what the reason is. But I know there are alot of good people in this world and some bad but the good out way the bad. Things have to get better in our lives because they can't get any worse. Take care of yourself.

[Guest Guest]

Hi there,

I am brand spanking new here. Would like to pose a question:

I don't want to get into all the details here, but a synopsis: On July 14, 2006, my 22 year old son, Tom, died in a car accident. He was a drinking driver. Not belted, he lost control of his fathers vehicle, smashed into a tree, was ejected, and drowned in less than 2 feet of ditchwater. His girlfriend was in the car, but was not hurt. Naturally, I have many, many issues. But, the one I wish to ask for feedback on is this: A legal firm is advising me I should sue the bar where Tom and his friend's had been drinking prior to his death. This is because there was a 45 minute argument in the parking lot between Tom and his girlfriend, who refused to get into the car with him driving. Twice he left the parking lot, leaving her sitting there. He kept coming back for her. Finally, she convinced him to hand over the keys and they left for home. Unfortunately they argued in the car, and ultimately, Tom ended up at the wheel less than 3 minutes from home, and crashed the car. The lawyer is saying that the bar must have known of the altercation in the parking lot, and should have called police or made some attempt to intervene. I just don't know if this is right. My son's death is excruciating. I do not want money from anyone, a financial settlement seems like a joke to me in the wake of losing my boy. Plus, I really don't think blaming others for his own bad judgement is ethical. I am a huge believer in taking responsibility for one's own actions, although the lawyer is saying the bar has a legal obligation to prevent such situations from happening. Just looking for other's opinions. Thanks.

[jjrmom]

I am so sorry to hear of your lost of your son no matter who fault it was it hurts bad. My son was recently killed by a drunk driver on November 9th 2006. As far as I know you can't sue a bar that is in Calif. I wanted to sue everyone responsible for my son's death and no I was interested in the money I wanted them to be accountible for what they did and all partys involved. The man that killed my son went to two bars and was served up to 15 drinks and bought drinks for people he didn't know. He was over 3 times the limit and then drove 10 miles down the wrong way of the freeway. The reason you can't sue a bar was they passed a law that bars and people hosting parties are exempt. Be very careful of some lawyers. That law I think applies to other states. I wish you the best.

[tomsma]

Oh, I live in Canada - it is a whole different ballgame up here!!

Bars regularly shut down because they are sued by families who have loved ones killed after they visit the establishment. Private individuals who have parties or celebrations in their own homes are also often sued if there is an injury or death subsequent to the party.

The only reason I ever spoke with a legal firm in the first place was for help in applying for an investigation by the Coroners Office into why my son never received any form of rescusitation, even though fire, police and ambulance were on the scene in less than 15 minutes after the crash. It was only after we discussed this matter that the gentleman mentioned we should consider suing the bar Tom was drinking at. Here in Ontario, like I said, this is just an "ordinary" thing to do.

Settlements in these cases are extremely modest. The courts have put strict limitations as to monetary compensation. The amounts are really quite small. People do it more to make the point that the law states servers are accountable for their actions when it comes to the serving of alcohol to patrons.

[ribitsmom]

Oh, I live in Canada - it is a whole different ballgame up here!!

Bars regularly shut down because they are sued by families who have loved ones killed after they visit the establishment. Private individuals who have parties or celebrations in their own homes are also often sued if there is an injury or death subsequent to the party.

The only reason I ever spoke with a legal firm in the first place was for help in applying for an investigation by the Coroners Office into why my son never received any form of rescusitation, even though fire, police and ambulance were on the scene in less than 15 minutes after the crash. It was only after we discussed this matter that the gentleman mentioned we should consider suing the bar Tom was drinking at. Here in Ontario, like I said, this is just an "ordinary" thing to do.

Settlements in these cases are extremely modest. The courts have put strict limitations as to monetary compensation. The amounts are really quite small. People do it more to make the point that the law states servers are accountable for their actions when it comes to the serving of alcohol to patrons.

Tomsmom...I am so sorry to hear of your loss, no matter the cause, losing a child is hardest thing a parent could possibly go through. I would imagine that you also have feelings of anger and such due to the fact that your son did something that harmed himself, and could have harmed others. Please, I am not trying to preach, just trying to state the fact that there are other feelings a parent in your position must be going through...beyond what parents that lose a child from other causes go through...my heart truly goes out to you.

As for filing a suit against the bar in question, as you said earlier, you are not in it for the money, and to be perfectly honest, when you are done with the suit, it is very possible you would receive nothing and owe money to the the lawyers instead.

The ONLY reason we filed a suit against the RR was to hurt the RR, it wasn't for the money for us either, it was to make a ver LOUD statement. As time has passed (we are 4 years into our law suit) I find that it was very possible to make a louder statement by not filing the suit, but by trying to change laws and hold the RR accountable in other ways. Our problem with doing this however, is that we are very busy with work and trying to get through our grief that it would have most likely never happened. Going through a law suit is very painful, but I feel that it was also theripudic, it gave us a place to direct our anger and grief.

The choice of filing a suit is completely your own, but keep in mind that it could possibly be helpful to you, in ways other than money, and if the money you receive truly isn't needed or wanted you could use it for a good cause, such as; trying to make tougher laws against the bars serving the drinks...just some thoughts for you. And again, I am so terribly sorry for the loss of your son.

Denise