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How We Honor Our Children


melstep

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I think one of the worst feelings, among the 10000000's of them, is the thought that my beautiful Jeffrey will be forgotten! So, I decided to just make a website dedicated to him with all of his artwork that I have scanned in, his poems, his favorite music. his pictures, etc... I've also added my journal, of sorts, that I began writing a few days after he died....

His site is: http://www.freewebs.com/jeffreypeak

I'm also beginning to work with the city to get a small section of the park that he used to love to go to, to get a garden with bench and/or plaque in his memory...

It's not much, but I think every little thing like this helps, you know?

Thanks and take care and God Bless

Meredith, Jeff's Mom.....

~~14 years is just not long enough~~

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Today is my son's 17th birthday although we only could celebrate 13 of them with him. How do I honor him? We have done our share of memorials, websites, and other things to honor him and remember him but the thing that I have done to honor him most is to try and live each day with consciousness and a rememberance of why I am here and what can I do to learn the lessons that I was so obviously meant to learn.

To be more compassionate, more loving, more understanding, more helping are important to me now and will be in the futre (I hope). I want my son to be proud of the life that I am living and I know he would be proud of my effort, at least.

He did his best while on this earth and the least I can do is to try my best as well. When all is said and done, this will be my most treasured memorial to my beloved son.

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evanryan,

One year ago today is the day my wonderful son Justin went to Heaven at age 15. The words you wrote touched my heart so much. I have to keep trying to be a good, giving, kind, loving person, just as Justin was. What you said is what keeps me going............

"He did his best while on this earth and the least I can do is to try my best as well. When all is said and done, this will be my most treasured memorial to my beloved son.

Mom of Justin

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Hi. My name is Kim. This is my first post on this website. I'm so happy to have found other people who understand!! I'm so sorry for all of your losses.

My daughter, Hope Elizabeth, was stillborn on 9/10/04. She was very much wanted. We've been trying for 3 years to have a baby and had a miscarriage prior to conceiving her.

I'm always looking for new ways to honor my baby. I hung a shelf in my bedroom that's just for her. I have a candle that I light in honor of her, an angel doll that a friend made me that when you open her dress says, "Precious Child Until we meet again I'll see you in my dreams." I also have some little angel figurines that I've been given, her wrist id tag from the hospital, a candle and bubble bottle from her memorial service. On the bottom shelf I have a framed poem that I wrote for her. I scanned in her tiny little footprint and handprint and put it on the poem. It is so precious to me. For Christmas I wrote a poem to go in the Christmas cards so everyone would know about my Angel baby. It was beautiful and I got a lot of comments on it. If anyone wants to see it, let me know and I'll post it.

One thing I did after she died was make a bracelet with her name on it. I wanted to have her name close to me. I got so many comments on it that I started making them for other mommys of angels. I've built a small [free] website to showcase the bracelets. If you click on the link, be sure to click on her name and you can see her poem and her handprint/footprint and her ultrasound picture.

http://members.fortunecity.com/ksdesigns

I miss my angel so much. I know that God gave her to me for a reason and that her short life, entirely embraced by my body, had a purpose. My arms ache to hold her. I can't wait to hold her for eternity.

Looking forward to getting to know you all.

~Kim

http://members.fortunecity/ksdesigns

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Beyond Indigo Is Looking for Message Board Monitors

Interested in volunteering a few hours each week to monitor a message board and interact daily with the Beyond Indigo community? We're looking for monitors to share their experience, strength and hope. If you are interested, contact Julie at julie@beyondindigo.com for more information.

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titoyginasmom

I must confess that until reading the posts from the other grandparents I honestly hadn't considered the initial reactions of my parents the day I lost my son, Brenlin aka Tito, and my daughter Yileynis aka Gina. I live in Texas, and ,my parents live in Illinois so I did NOT want to make the call. Instead I called my brother who is in law enforcement. I asked him to make a family notification...to our parents. Mike later told me my fater collapsed, and my mother just went really pale before sitting down hard in her chair. Somewhere part of me knew that my parents where having a hard time coping since their health prevented them from coming to the services. Sadly, I allowed myself to get caught up in what was happening in Texas vs. what my parents needed. After reading all of your posts, and posting this..I think I will call my Mom and Dad just to remind them that I love them very very much!

God Bless

Kathie

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kagansmommy

Kagan always sat in his seat on the kitchen table while his Dad and I ate dinner. That made us feel like he was a real part of everything. He would jabber and laugh and talk to us while we ate. He was only 18 month's old when he passed away January 28, 2005. So to honor him I have a picture of him on the table. The frame has a poem on it and right above his picture it says "life is much shorter than it seems." I have a candle and I keep a fresh boquet of flower's there too. Every night when we eat dinner now we burn the candle. Looking at the candle and his picture makes us feel like he's there with us. As soon as it get's warm we are also going to make a frog pond and flower garden in his memory. I am having a sign made that says "Kagan's memory garden"

All the family is going to plant a special flower for him.

I has broken my heart to have to go on without him. But I know I have to live for him now and he's taking care of me now.

God bless everyone~!!

Christy (kagansmommy)

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Hi all –

I’m sure you’ve noticed that the message boards seem a little different. We’ve streamlined the message boards. We’ve unified the forum and thread names and tried to make things less confusing. I hope that it has made things easier for you.

We are considering adding new threads to the topics and would love to hear what you would like to be added. You can write me at julie@beyondindigo.com to share your thoughts and suggestions. I would love to hear from you.

I am also still looking for message board monitors. If you are interested, please let me know!

Take care,

Julie

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When my daughter Jade was murdered in 2002, aged 17, it was a devistating time not only for we as a family, but also for Jades friends who could not comprehend why. Jade used to attend a youth project, called The Door. She was 15, at the time and like many young kids was finding her way, she later went on to work there and help out. One project Jade was very much involved in was the redevelopement of a shop next door, to enable kids to develope retail skills to build confidence and to help them on the road to employment. Unfortunately Jade was murdered before she could see the shop up and running, but to our pride and comfort, when the shop eventually opened on the first aniversary of her death, it was dedicated to her memory with a beautiful stained glass window and Plaque, I believe this not only helped us a great deal, but also many of Jade's friends too. We also managed to raise £1000 which bought new musical equipment ( karioki and cd's) much needed and very important to youngsters. This was something positive to come out of such a sad time.

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Hi My name is Jan and this is my first visit here, I lost my daughter Samantha almost 7 years ago. I struggled for many of those first years wanting only to join her, but realize that is not Gods plan for me. My child was a very giving person in her life and I am now trying to keep her memory alive by continuing to give to others in mer memory. I make afghans and give them to homeless and shelters in her memory.I received a sign from her of her approval as the first set i gave away I found a tiny slip of paper that fluttered down to my lap the message was load and clear. It said if you continue to give you will continue to receive. I come here today to ask if there is anyone out here that has a closet full of odd and end yarn you would be interested in donating to help continue my goal? If so please email me and I will give you the address to mail it to. And please add your name and reason for donation so I can add it to the prayer letter I enclose in these gifts. Thank you for taking the time to read this is her web site if you wish to know more about this special angel.

http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/Meadows/2279

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Jan,

Welcome to Beyond Indigo. I am sorry for the loss of your daughter! Your afghans are such a beautiful idea and gift. I know there are many that appreciate it!

I hope you will continue to visit and share with us.

Take Care,

Julie

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Every year since my 11 year-old son died from cancer (5 years ago now) my family has held a HUGE charity birthday party in his honor. We have started a non-profit foundation that assists children dealing with life-threatening illnesses and have started a scholarship in his honor.

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angelzmomm wrote:

Every year since my 11 year-old son died from cancer (5 years ago now) my family has held a HUGE charity birthday party in his honor. We have started a non-profit foundation that assists children dealing with life-threatening illnesses and have started a scholarship in his honor.

Angelzmomm,

Would you be able to email me at Runningramma@aol.com about the foundation that you established? I would like to do something similar for our son. For years, we've celebrated the August birthdays for our sons and grandchildren. This might be a new way to celebrate the August birthdays. God bless you for helping others in your sorrow. Your son must be very pleased.

Thank you,

Wanda - Runningramma

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WE LOST OUR SON THIS MAY. IT WAS THE MOST TRAGIC THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO MY HUSBAND AND I.

I just read your post on Indigo about your son. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my son three months ago. He was a beautiful, brilliant 33 year old, with two children whom he adored. He was diving at our local training centre, and fainted in the water. The lifeguard did not notice. He had been under water for more than ten minutes before he was pulled out. After he was maintained on life support for five days, he donated his organs, and saved five lives that day. He was a computer programmer, and also an EMT. He had a ferocious respect for law enforcement, which is why I was so moved by your story. He was my only child, and the very centre of my life. I can't believe the agony that his loss has brought to me and his children. I try to take comfort in the fact that he did not regain consciousness, so he never knew his fate, and never suffered.

He knew that he was unconditionally loved, and always worried about what would happen to me should anything ever happen to him. And so he began when he was about fifteen to write "Rules" for me to follow. I read them every morning, and am doing all I can to follow his rules. I would happily trade my life for his if I could. Bless you, and peace be in your heart.

ON MAY 15 OF THIS YEAR WE LOST OUR SON WHO WAS A FIREFIGHTER,EMT AND POLICE OFFICER. ON MAY 14 HE WAS SWORN IN AS A POLICE OFFICER. HE REPORTED TO WORK AT 7:00 PM ON THE EVENING SHIFT. SIX HOURS INTO HIS SHIFT AND WHILE RIDING WITH HIS SEARGENT THEY WENT INTO A HIGH PURSUIT CHASE. WHILE IN THIS CHASE THEY WENT AROUND A CURVE AND A CAR WAS STOPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE ROAD AFTER HAVING BEEN TERRIFIED BY THE HIGH RATE OF SPEED FROM THE CAR THE OFFICERS WERE CHASING. AS THE SEARGENT PUT ON BREAKS TO KEEP FROM HITTING THE STOPPED CAR THE BREAKS LOCKED UP AND THE PATROL CAR WENT LEFT OF CENTER LANE HITTING AN ONCOMMING CAR HEAD ON.

HE WAS OUR ONLY CHILD. WAS A WELL LIKED GUY, VERY OUTGOING WITH A WONDERFUL PERSONALITY. WORDS CANNOT EXPRESS THE LOSS. WE ONLY LIVE ONE SECOND,MINUTE OR HOUR AT THE TIME. NO ONE CAN IMAGINE THE PAIN UNLESS THEY HAVE BEEN THERE.

ONLY THROUGH AND BY THE GRACE OF GOD HAVE WE BEEN ABLE TO MAKE IT THIS FAR. I HAVE FELL TO MY KNEES MANY TIMES ASKING GOD TO GIVE ME STRENGTH TO MAKE IT THROUGH ANOTHER DAY. IT IS ONLY THROUGH AND BY HIM THAT WE ALL ARE GOING TO FIND ANY PEACE. THE ONLY THING I CAN SAY TO ANYONE IN THIS SITUATION IS PRAY FOR STRENGTH AND GOD WILL HELP.

ALL OF YOU WILL BE IN MY PRAYERS. I AM WALKING IN YOUR SHOES ALSO.

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I thought I would start this because so many ask about how they can honor their childrens memory. I have told many of you ways that we have honored Kirk's memory, but for the new parents here I thought I would start with some ideas and ways we were able to honor Kirk's memory.

First of all we have started a scholarship at his high school for students going to a vocational school. We noticed that there were no scholarships for kids not wanting to take the college route and because Kirk was interested in becoming an electrician we thought that giving one scholorship to a student going into a vocation would keep his name out.

Second, each year during December we advertise, in his memory, for the Compassionate Friends Days of Rememberance. It is a world wide celebration of the light that our children shone on our lives. Starting at the international dateline candles are lit every hour for 24 hours making a light around the world. It is a very special day and we honor Kirk's memory not only by advertising the celebration on TV, in his memory, we also put out luminaries, paper bags with candles, along our house honoring, not only him, but all the kids we have known and the kids we have learned about through communications with others going through the same ordeal.

Third, we have made up memory boxes to give to his cousins. Each box is specially wrapped and decorated so that it can be kept over a lifetime. We then put many of his thing sand pictures into the box along with a letter explaining what each momento's significance is. For those of you out there that don't know what to do with your children's things, this is a very special way to pass them on. We include in the letter that we hope that someday they are able to give these things to their children and tell them about their cousin.

One thing we have also done is make memory bears out of his clothing and give them to his friends. That has been rather hard, giving up the bears, but the look in his friends eyes have been very helpful.

We were also lucky that we were able to put a memorial up in his high school. I am including the site: http://www.usd407.org/usd/memorials/index.html This site is part of our school districts website, the memorials actually hang in the shcool. The policy and information about them is there in the site with the memorials. I have to say this was a very draining and hurtful experience in some ways, but in others very rewarding and cathardic. The putting up and taking down of memorials at his high school was a terrible controvery for over a year. It made many people upset, caused a lot of pain for everyone, but in the end we were able to have a wonder memorial put up for many kids that deserved it. If anyone is interested in finding out about how it was done please send me an email a kirks_dad@yahoo.com

Anyway, I thought that I would start this out in the hopes that we can all get ideas. I have heard so many wonderful ones and I thought that if they were in the same place people would have a reference that they could go to. There are so many ways we can keep our kids name out there, keep their memory alive with so many of their friends. Jim

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I lost my son Richie 8 yrs. ago this coming Tues. It still feels like yesterday. Every two years I have had a memorial in the church of the cemetary where my son is buried. It was sad, but in a funny way also uplifting to have a gathering of family and friends together for the sole purpose of Honoring my son.After the memorial the priest would bless my sons grave, which gave me some inner peace. We have also planted a small tree in front of our house in his memory. We also bought a brick with his name on it, that lies, amongst other childrens bricks in a beautiful park run by Comp. Friends.To be really honest nothing I do in my sons memory makes me feel any better.Thanks for listening, luv to all of you, Casey

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We live in the country kitty corner to our Church. This Church had a playground and my daughter was there all the time swinging. The day after we buried her in the Church cemetary we had a bad storm and the play ground was ruined. We sold copies of a painting she made to raise money to build a new playground in her Memory.

http://www.memoryofsara.atomicshops.com/page/page/2214105.htm

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momoftravis

My son Travis Woerner died Nov. 18th, 2004 in a car accident. He was ejected from the backseat when the car he was riding in hit a steamroller. Lived for 5 days, but was unconscious. He died from internal injuries and head injuries.

Travis was 16. He was wonderfully athletic. He played football, basketball and baseball. The entire community knew him. We honor him several ways. There are pictures of him throughout the house. Our living room is full of plants andd floral arrangements. Our neighbors and friends from work created a memory garden outside my kitchen window. There are 5 pine trees in a large bed with flowers that bloom at different times in the summer. It has an angel statue sitting on a little bench and another statue holding a butterfly. I have a bird feeder to watch the hummingbirds and other birds. We also are designing a monuement for his gravesite. We want it to stand out from other monuements. His football picture will be lasered into the black granite. We also have 3 webstites. WWW.traviswoerner.com, Whenyoudrive.com, and www.travis-woerners.memory-of.com, feel free to visit these sites. My family along with other family created Westfield Parents in Partnership for the highschool to provide safe activities for kids to participate in. We had a contract of the heart for the highschool kids to sign for accountablility and the parents signed an accountablility contract also. The school will have this program in their handbook. In hamilton county in Indiana, monthly forums were started in memory of 7 teens who died in accidents. We have an athletic scholarship in his name. Last year after the accident, the school retired his basketball jersey. All of the basketball teams had a pink and blue ribbon on their uniforms. The baseball team had T-dub, Travis nickname on their hats, The lacross team had remember on the back of their helmets, The swim team had a pink and blue ribbon on their suits, The intermural basketball team had t-dub on their shirts. All of the highschool students wore pink and blue rubber bracelets with Travis and Kristin, the other girl that died, and their death dates and the word remember. People bought stickers with a shamrock and a pink and blue ribbon with remember on it for the back of their cares. We mad seatbelt covers with remeber on them to remind them to wear their seatbelts. One 16year old carries Travis's obituary in his wallet. My daughter is going to be a freshman this year. Travis would have been a senior while she was a freshman. Please pray for her so that her highschool years are full of love and not saddness.

Lisa Woerner

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Hello,

My name is Amy, I have a few questions and thought someone on this site may be able to help out. My daughters friend passed away this past June, she was in a automobile accident. I ran into a friend of her parents he said they arent doing too well. They are talking like they may sell their house, too many memories there.

I was really wanted to send her a card expressing I know school started back up, holidays and her daughters birthday is coming quickly, we (the community) may seem like we have "moved on" but really, I think of her daughter and the family DAILY.

Would sending her a card be more upsetting? Does it help to know someone really cares? What kind of compationate actions did others do for you that made you feel good at a time you thought nothing would make you feel better?

I am also thinking the community needs to do something to honor her, where maybe everyone can get involved and feel better. She was a special girl, very happy, fun loving and greatly missed. I thank you for your time and hope there may be some answers out there for me.

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Amy, I don't know where the crash site was or if it's accessible; but April's friends left flowers there and a happy b-day sign. I drive by often; most parents might now do this. Just a card that says; "We miss her too!" I know, I like to know that people remember her! Hope this helped. Renee

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amy1975,

By all means send a card to the grieving family. Our son died nearly 3 months ago and we have had very few visitors in the past 2 1/2 months. What a wonderful gift it would be to recieve a card or letter from someone expressing their concern about the surviving family. It would mean so much to them to recieve a note from you. I know I would love such a gift from our friends or our son's friends.

Ironically, I did get Matthew's new AAA card in the mail today. NOT the kind of letter I had hoped for.

Jeff

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aprilsmom,

Renee,

How very odd that we were posting at the same time. Guess we were on the same wavelength tonight.

Hope to see you soon at church.

Jeff

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Hi Jeff, I'm in California and just got in from work, early, as I am supposed to go to a viewing at the same funeral home we used. This time, a 20 year old son of another teacher - shot in the chest. When the mom looks at me today I will tell her one thing: "Life will never be the same, call in the middle of the night when you feel like screaming, I'll probably be up anyway!" Have you listened to Precious Child? Go to www.compassionatefriends.org then page down to the Exclusives (it's a butterfly icon) page down about 1/2 dozen items to Karen Taylor Good's song Precious Child and it will let you listen. I can barely listen to it but it's the closest to the way I feel. It will be a year for us on the 17th. Your family is so so raw yet; how are you getting through the days??

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Aprilsmom,

The days are good and bad.

Finding it hard to concentrate on the menial goings-on of everyday life.. Today I was making some mental mistakes at work that I normally should not have. 3 months ago I would have called them bonehead moves. But, now after Matthew passed, I can get away with things I could not before. It scares me and my wife that we are making so many "bad" decisions. My head is just filled with so many other things that makes the normal thinking process a thing of the past.

I'll be thinking of you as the 17th approaches. It is such a shame to lose life so young.

I just can't wait until we all find the happiness we will find on the other side.

Jeff

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Dear Jeff,

Pat got so confused at work that he ended up taking about a month off. He is April's step-dad but their love for each other was special. A few sessions of counseling provided by his work helped him. He was a supervisor at the time and basically demoted himself; said he wished he had spent more time with all the kids and wouldn't put career ahead of family ever again. April's biological dad is a mess; April and he had just built two houses together. Both dads are on low doses of meds to help them get by; this sounds so odd when neither drank or anything like that. Yes, I too am a Christian and anxiously await that day; but April would kick my butt for even thinking that when I have her 2 sisters and 2 brothers right here with us as well. Did you listen to the song?

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aprilsmom,

The pain me and my remaining family are experiencing is great.

What is so tragic about Matthew's passing is that it came at his own hand ( quite accidentally). He took too many unprescribed muscle relaxants to quell a panic attack. I just did not know about the severe effects of being bi-polar , etc. I guesss I found out too late.

I can not understand the pain you must be feeling about April\'s death. She seemed to be a wonderful daughter and wife.

We just won't know until our time comes. But when my time comes I will be ready to go.

I am so sorry we had to meet under these circumstances.

Love,

Jeff

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Mattsdad- Sorry to hear your son passed away. Please know your friends think of you more than you know, for some reason it feels like you would make the grieving family more upset by contacting them. Believe me, that is the exact way I have felt since June. Now that you say it would be a great gift, I am going to do send a card and let them know I am thinking of them, and always will.

Aprilsmom- My daughter and I really like the idea of the b-day sign. I think that would be something that will help us and whoever passing the scene, too.

I go to message boards frequently to communicate about our family passion, camping, to get tips and tricks, etc. I enjoy it. It's so great that I can contact people like the two of you and know what my heart is telling me to do, is the right thing to do. It's great you all have the support of one another. Thank you both for your advice, I sure do appreciate it. God Bless.

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Hi Amy, I remember that a small child put a pumpkin at the site of the accident and wrote on it about losing one of his or her little friends. It was neat, so just recently my 24 yr. old daughter went and put one at an intersection where a young man was killed and wrote our condolences on the back.

Dear Jeff, one of our compassionate friend leaders lost her son when he actually did committ suicide. Since then she studied bipolarism and found that suicide is a daily option for most suffering the disorder. I know Matt didn't intentionally kill himself but that mom is beating herself up just like you are AND she works in a hospital, making herself feel twice as bad. She did say her son was always tormented and now she feels he "is in pure BLISS". I pray all our kids are together cheering us on. I can see them tugging on HIS robe saying, "you gotta help my family today". We all gave our kids wings to fly on their own, that's our job. I saw April 11 mins. before the crash, oh yea, I wish I'd kept her a few seconds longer! But then, she was one of the best drivers I've ever known; how did she let herself get in the way of a BIG red truck? I know that when we get there, the answers won't be important to any of us. Take Care! How is your daughter doing? My 17 yr. old son is hurting, he got to see her before the coroner took her, she looked fine, but such a shock for him ---I worry, maybe you could say a prayer for Brett!? Thank you

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Renee,

I appreciate your comments on the suffering Matthew was feeling. We were always aware that something bad might happen. Just days, weeks before he died we felt that he was turning the corner. But, we were probably kidding ourselves---and he was fooling us. So that is what we live with day to day. My wife goes through the what ifs 24 hours a day. But we do get some comfort knowing he is suffering no more and he will be waiting to meet us when our time comes.

I know what you mean about if you had only spoken to April for just a few more minutes. All of this might not have happened. But we can never know for sure.

Our daughter Kristin,18, seems to holding up quite well considering she was the one who found Matthew dead on the taht Sunday morning. She has been getting couselling at church. Our other son Scott, 22, is still very angry. Not wanting to open his feelings yet.

I will gladly keep Brett in my prayers. As I will you and all of us here at B.I.

Jeff

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Renee,

BTW... Kristin goes by the name "cursedlove114" on the loss of a sibling forum.

If you think that Brett would like to talk things over with her, by all means have him contact her.

There isn't too much action on the sibling page, but it just might help.

Jeff

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aprilsmom,

Weekends are different.

Matthew died in the overnight hours of Saturday into Sunday morning. Officially he passed on Sunday, Aug 7 th. That makes today his 3 month anniversery(?). So there is a fog over these weekend days sometimes.

My wife(maskott) and I never did much on weekends to begin with. But over the past few months we try and do something different on at least one day over the weekend. We still find it hard to do anything fun and not feel a little guilty.

I know all of us here have gone through something like that...

Jeff

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Today would have been April's 4th wedding anniversary. She was here that morning getting ready and was such a beautiful bride - so full of hope! I remember how she wanted it to rain that day and it did; today it looks like rain, which is odd since it's been 70-80 degrees here in California. To honor her I think I will go put flowers at the site of the accident. Thursday (17th) is the one year mark - please pray for me. Take Care All, Renee

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April...you are in my prayers today and I will try to remember the 17th. My mind does not work as well these days and I find myself forgetting everything. These special days are the hardest to get through. I wish I knew the magic words to make you feel better but I don't. Our prayers are with you today.

Jeff(mattsdad) and BettyAnn(maskott)

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Thank you Maskott; if I could tell all the people who know our family how much their prayers have been heard and answered this past year, I would. There have been times of peace that I know only comes from our Father and I know it is the prayers. Those times get me through the periods of disbelief, (yes, I STILL expect April to walk in the door) anger, and just pure pain. I have been a Christian for a long time but that is not to say that my faith did not take a HUGE HIT. I ran around the first night to all the family and kept saying,"what if what we believe isn't true, what if what we believe isn't true"? My family kept saying, "you know it's true Renee, hold on, hold on, April wouldn't want you to lose your faith too". Until we hold our kids in our arms again, or the equivalent of what that might be in the spiritual realm; we have each other. Love HAS TO BE stronger than death. Take Care, Renee

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Hi aprilsmom, I can totally relate. Due to circumstances (I still don't understand) I was unable to see my son for almost a week after he passed away. I kept saying, maybe they are wrong, it may not be him. My faith is tested daily but by the night's end no matter how it falters during the day, when I torture myself with the what ifs and why the Lord allowed this to happen, I turn to God because I know I will never get through this without his grace and mercy.

Jadon's mom

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Dear Triumphmama,and Aprilsmom,i understand how you both feel,i lost my son last Jan on his 21st birthday,and my mom 4 years ago nov 16,i told my husband right after losing Nate,i felt like i was losing my faith in god,i could not understand how or why this could happen,and my husband said that i should not be mad at god because he gave us Nathan for 21 years,and we should be thankful for the time we had with him.What i am thankful for is that Nathan and i had a very good relationsip.A minister said to me "would you trade less love for more time?I know people that have their daughter,yet she can't stand her parents,she is always running away,she is 16 and hasn't lived at home for 3 months.I told my husband i think that is what the mimister meant.T/C Kathy Nate's mom

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KIRKSDAD: I just read your post this morning about learning the lesson(s) and LOVED it, you have a way of really reaching people, and everything is so to the point, and sincere and just lovely. Please know that I enjoy what you post. Several of them have helped me, as you know. Please keep up the wonderful, positive work...We are reading out here!!! Have a Nice Thanksgiving....WillsMom~~Allyson

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Would I have traded less love for more time? I don't know. There was SO MUCH love that meybe I WOULD have sacrificed some for more time. If God said, "Renee, I'm gonna give you this daughter, but you can only have her for 26 years.........." Yea, I'd have to take that deal. Thanks for helping me look at it from a different perspective; you'd think after one year I could believe she's really gone but I still find myself saying, "It's all just a bad dream, a bad dream...." Take Care All Here, Renee

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Tomorrow is the birthday of my son Ben. He would have been 26 years old tomorrow, December 1. It is 1:28 a.m. on November 30 as I write this. I am having trouble sleeping. I feel as if Ben is trying to get a message to me...maybe I'm crazy. But I don't think so. I've felt like this other times and have received something I considered a message...finding a penny dated 1979, finding something of his in an odd place...when I've felt this urging. Ben had a terrible head injury from falling down the stairs at his apartment on July 28, 2001 and he passed from us 21 days later on August 18. Ben was dating a wonderful girl named Jennifer and we have remained close. Jennifer married a nice boy last year and she is expecting a baby girl now. Her due date is December 1...tomorrow. It was a day of rejoicing 26 years ago and will be a day of rejoicing for Jennifer also. Her baby girl will have a special angel to protect her. I know Ben is smiling about this. Jennifer said it made her feel sad, but she also felt like it was a wonderful sign.

At Christmas I buy gifts for a little boy from the Salvation Army Christmas Tree in honor of my Benji. I buy all the gifts asked for. I was waiting this year until closer to Xmas to buy the gifts, but I think I will go to the all-night WalMart now and buy the gifts.

I feel as if I should call Jennifer and see if she's in labor...I just feel so strange and so "touched" right now.

Well, thank you for listening. I am going to Wal-Mart now to buy toys and clothes for the little boy I chose from the tree.

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shantellesmom

Hi everyone,

Sadly, I must now join this group. My 17 year old daughter, Shantelle, went to be with Jesus on Nov. 9th. She lived heroicly for 5 years with osteosarcoma - bone cancer. I know I have alot to learn about how to live without her, but I've read some of your posts here and am already feeling less "alone". I hope to post here regularly.

God bless us all,

Donna

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Well, this is the firts time i've ever done something like this. It's very hard for me because at times like these i feel like a complete idiot. But please bear with me. I lost my 8 year old daughter in September. She was the youngest of three girls and had battled Asthma since she was 18 months old. I thought she was doing ok, but our family was under alot of stress. Her dad and I were seperating and I had just moved into a new appartment with the girls. We were here 3 days before Sara went into a severe attack. She stopped breathing before the ambulence could get here, she passed away in the Emergency Room. I understand all of your stories, and pray for us all. Thank you all for being brave enough to start this, it has really helped me to understand I'm not losing my mind.

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shantellesmom

Dear Sweetpeasmom,

How awful...my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you've all had a trying time, even before her attack. I'm not that familiar with what causes severe asthma attacks - is it stress, new environment, or something else? You and your family will be in my prayers.

Donna

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Sweetpeasmom and Shantellesmom (and all other parents),

I am sorry for both of your losses. I lost my son almost four years ago, Jan 4, from injuries sustained in a snowmobile accident. I have been part of Beyond Indigo for three of those years, which has been vital to my grief healing. Please join us on "loss of an adult child", "loss of a teenager", or "loss of a young child" forum where there is more postings from parents who have lost a child. It doesn't matter where you post (how old your child was), what matters is that you are a parent who has lost their child and we want to support you. Please post on either one of those sites or all of them. I look forward to seeing your post- where we can reach out to you.

Peace to you, Tina

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sweetpeasmom
Dear Sweetpeasmom,

How awful...my heart goes out to you. It sounds like you've all had a trying time, even before her attack. I'm not that familiar with what causes severe asthma attacks - is it stress, new environment, or something else? You and your family will be in my prayers.

Donna

Dear Shantelles mom and Artina,

Asthma can be brought on by many different things, stress, excercise, colds, allergies.

Sara(my daughter, her nickname was Sweet Pea) had persistant asthma, meaning she had it all of the time. This was because of all of the things she was allergic too. Cats, trees, grass, pollen, soaps, air sprays..... the list goes on. As far as what brought it on, even the doctors can't answer that one. That was the hardest part, just not knowing what went wrong. She was on alot of maintance medications, but she went into a full blown attack that night and never came out of it. The medication just didn't work......

I want to let you all know how very much my heart goes out to you. I feel the pain, the loss and the just not understanding. But also I want to let you know that I can' tell you how very much it means to me to hear your words of kindness and love. Thank you so much

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sweetpeasmom
Sweetpeasmom and Shantellesmom (and all other parents),

I am sorry for both of your losses. I lost my son almost four years ago, Jan 4, from injuries sustained in a snowmobile accident. I have been part of Beyond Indigo for three of those years, which has been vital to my grief healing. Please join us on "loss of an adult child", "loss of a teenager", or "loss of a young child" forum where there is more postings from parents who have lost a child. It doesn't matter where you post (how old your child was), what matters is that you are a parent who has lost their child and we want to support you. Please post on either one of those sites or all of them. I look forward to seeing your post- where we can reach out to you.

Peace to you, Tina

Dear Tina,

You are in my prayers today. My GOD bless you and give you strength, draw apon the love for your son. I know that since I lost my daughter my love has not stopped. Nor will it. I'm here if you need anything.

Katrina

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Thank you Katrina. It has been a difficult day, but I was expecting it to be. Actually, it seems that the days leading up to Angeldays or Birthdays are far more difficult than the actual day for me. I find myself thinking about the events that led up to my son's life or death and can sink real quick- thus I busy myself in order to avoid going into my head. It's just not fair!

Peace to you, Tina

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sweetpeasmom
Thank you Katrina. It has been a difficult day, but I was expecting it to be. Actually, it seems that the days leading up to Angeldays or Birthdays are far more difficult than the actual day for me. I find myself thinking about the events that led up to my son's life or death and can sink real quick- thus I busy myself in order to avoid going into my head. It's just not fair!

Peace to you, Tina

Dear Artina,

I know the feelings you are having. Christmas and Sara's birthday (Dec.2nd) were very difficult to say the least. I don't know what it will be like on her anniversary as I have not experienced one yet. I went out to give my daughter fresh flowers yesterday, it is so hard to talk to the ground. I don't know what your faith is but I am a christian. I know that GOD willing I'll be with my daughter again, but that doesn't make today any easier. I also go into my own head and that "sinking" feeling is all consuming at times. I pray for you and your strength to keep going. And Yes, It's not fair!!! But the truth is we have no other choice but to keep going until we are able to hold our children again. GOD bless.

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