Members armaiti Posted January 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2008 I haven't seen it...kind of avoid seeing this kind of movie in the theaters so if it makes me cry I don't feel like an idiot in public...Not so cold here yet, but they say it will get in the teens tonight. I went out and put rags and plastic and duck tape around the two outdoor faucets - they ran an article in the local paper yesterday about the potential freeze and all the regular things you buy to cover those sold out!I'm making myself go out to our Sufi class tonight...other than that I'll just hole up in my house with the cats. At least I'm getting lots of new art done!April, how's the baby goat doing?Granny, glad you got a new safe car. I'm really grateful that Ishaq had bought a new car in the spring, and he paid it off too, and even had the tune up done a month before he passed - mainly because we were going to his son's wedding down in California, but what a blessing to have a car that I don't have to worry about. With my vision problems I can only really drive around town anyway, and only in the day, but it's good to have it for groceries and things in the winter. In the summer I can get my scooter out again!Hope you all have a peaceful weekend,Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members misshimstill Posted January 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2008 I don't usually see movies like that anymore... or read books like that. They just make me want what I don't have anymore.I'm reading a novel about a man whose daughter was kidnapped and then murdered. He goes through all kinds of soul-searching as he grieves, questioning everything, trying to find meaning in life again. There is a paragraph at the beginning of the story describing how he felt that describes how I've felt, so I thought I would quote it here. Maybe some of you will relate to it, too... "The Great Sadness" had draped itself around Mack's shoulders like some invisible but tangibly heavy quilt. The weight of its presence dulled his eyes and stooped his shoulders. Even his efforts to shake it off were exhausting, as if his arms were sewn into bleak folds of despair and he had somehow become part of it. He ate, worked, loved, dreamed and played in the garment of heaviness, weighed down as if he were wearing a leaden bathrobe - trudging daily through the murky despondency that sucked the color out of everything. At times he could feel "The Great Sadness" slowly tightening around his chest and heart like the crushing coils of a constrictor, squeezing liquid from his eyes until he thought there no longer remained a reservoir..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mishknit Posted January 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2008 oneta..i really relate to that quote... thanks for posting it.i was sitting here thinking that 2 years ago today was the last normal day of my life..without that cloak of sadness, it was a very ordinary day.....very strange. very different from how i felt last year. I threw a party last year! LOL...not this year. not sure what i'm doing tomorrow. my son and i are talking about going to one of his, our favorite restaurants, that we haven't been to in 2 years. we'll see. I'm glad it's a holiday tho, we can sleep in and just be, altho my son has to study for finals. somehow i don't think much studying will get done, but, no expectations.i am grateful for this community...you've all helped me so much.thank you.peace, michele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rodless Posted January 20, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 20, 2008 ((((Michele)))) Hope the day goes okay for you. Mary Jo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted January 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 Michele, I will be holding you in my heart as well...Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members grannyc Posted January 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 (((Hi everyone!)))Alot of excellent posts today/recently. Thank you, I gain from my visits here usually. My grand-daughters (10 & 12) danced in their competition. It is always a beautiful thing to watch. Then went out to supper with everyone there. Sometimes I think I am just settled into numb, again. No energy, still most thinks I do I do halfway and just have to make myself finish up or let things half done, which does bug me but the me of this life does nothing to get things done. My house is picked up, but I don't think very clean, but who cares? Not me.I want my old life and old me and husband back..........don't we all!!!!!???????Well, make it the best week I guess we can. Until later,grannyCheryl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members laquinn Posted January 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 Hi everyone it's been a few days wanted to let u all know that I didn't go out the other night. I just couldn't do it. Now I am getting sick again and all I have today besides watch football was cry. I just keep thinking on the first of Febuary is when we found Randy was sick. I miss him so much!!!! My mind just keeps going and dosen't want to stop thinking. I am at the point that if I don't have to work I just stay home don't get dressed turn on the TV but don't know whats on and I just sit there in his chair. I thought I was starting to put all of this in the back of my mind and not think about it all the time but I haven't. Not sure what to do!I talked to one of the dispatchers that worked with Randy today she has to have some test done tomorrow she has found 2 lumps in her breast. So say a prayer for her she has been through so much with her boyfriend and his cancer, this is another bump in the road for her. Thank you for all of the advice and listening to me when I have no idea what I am trying to say or do. Lela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members misshimstill Posted January 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 Michelle, When the 2-year mark rolled around for me, I was deep in despair and grief! Lela, I also have a really hard time when the time of year when he started getting sick rolls around. Cheryl, You probably speak for all of us when you say you just want your old life back.It's really, really hard - this thing called "grief". No one knows unless they pass through this dark valley. Just remember we're with you in it. ~Oneta Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members lindat Posted January 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 Thinking of you Michele. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Error username not found Posted January 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 hey everyone.. i realized that the whole time ive been here ive never even told anyone my name..cuz im a pretty private person..esp online.. but .. here it goes!! lol .. my name is courtney. so i just figured id tell you now that its been over a year.!! lol.. ok ill tyL.. bye. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted January 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 Hi Courtney! I love the new picture...did you take it yourself? Michele, hope you are doing ok today!We had sun here today...I did my practices/meditation outside the front door, where it's protected and south-facing, so always warmer than anywhere else in the yard or neighborhood. It felt soooo good to have sun on my face again. We're supposed to have two more days...makes life easier.I'm a week away from the year and a half mark. I actually ordered some magnet calendars from Vista Print with Ishaq's picture on them to give away to friends and family. (btw, Vista is doing this bizarre sale where they give away a lot of free stuff, you just pay for shipping! Anybody interested, email me directly, I'll send you the link: my email is ishaqanna@earthlink.net I don't know how long the sale will last...it said on the email it would be over on Sunday but the link is still working for stuff like free magnets, t shirt and postcards and photo calendars!)I was talking to my brother in law yesterday, and realized as we were talking that I said something...that it doesn't feel so hard anymore to live without Ishaq here. At first it felt disloyal in a way...but it feels like I've integrated his physical absence while accepting his spiritual presence in such a way that I feel he is always with me, always part of me...Maybe this is just one of those peaceful periods before the tsunami hits, or the eye of the hurricane or whatever, but mainly what I feel now is gratitude. Gratitude that he was in my life for ten and a half years. Gratitude that he continues to come to me in dreams and send me signs. And gratitude that he gave me other gifts - his family, for one, who have pretty much adopted me as one of their own; his students who also are my friends and take care of me and check in, as part of the Sufi tradition of helping the Sheikh's widow and just because they care...I do have so much to be grateful for. I hope my writing this doesn't make anyone feel bad, I don't mean it that way...it's just where I'm at in this moment of time...and it feels good to appreciate life rather than feel like all I'm doing is waiting for my life to be over so I can join Ishaq. Hope everyone has a peaceful day,Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 Hi everyone. just wanted to say the baby goat died poor Starshine (that's what my 4yo named her) the kids are not phased in the least. so I guess that's good! still I am kind of sad. I hate when baby animals especially die! she had scours and just didn't recover. ugh!anyway I am really super busy right now getting my etsy store going, writing projects,kids,etc. but don't worry I still am on here SEVERAL times a day! lol. hope everyone is as well as you can be.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missque Posted January 21, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 21, 2008 just a bit of a random question. the 'stages' that people go through anger, sadness etc. do any of you know where or what stage your in? i know everyone goes through them different and in no specific order but i have no idea where i am. when my dad died i was in denial for a really really long time and then i remember one day thinking about it and being okay with it. im just kinda curious where im at and if im the only one who doesnt know what stage they are in or if this is 'normal' to not know... it was REALLY cold today -25C with the wind chill- making me not wanna go anywhere...and it didnt help the fact i had a really bad/sad night lastnightMelissa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members laquinn Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 April I am so sorry about the goat. Hopefuly the kids will be ok over it. I have tried to sleep tonight but not happening yet. I think I have bronchitis I had it about 2 years ago and it feels the same way now. I just dont' want to go to the dr and find out. I am having a really hard time the past couple of days, I just can't seem to make myself stop cryin and hurting right now my heart hurts so bad. I just don't know what I am supposed to do with out him. I can't live like this I keep telling my kids I am ok so I don't cry in front of them but when they are gone all I do is cry. How do I move on with my life and do things on my own. randy was everything to me he did everything for me I never learned how to mow the grass put gas in the mower jump start the car if it needed it I don't know how to do anything. I feel helpless the guys at work even walk me to my car to make sure it starts and everything. I think I am feeling worse now then when he passed away. will someone please tell me when this kind of hurt stops because I don't know how much more I can take.Losing my dad was nothing compared to this right now my head is hurting so bad and the tears are just a falling I just can't stop. I'm sorry I didn't mean to go on like that but I just don't have a clue what to do with out him. Just need some help!Lela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members laquinn Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 April I am so sorry about the goat. Hopefuly the kids will be ok over it. I have tried to sleep tonight but not happening yet. I think I have bronchitis I had it about 2 years ago and it feels the same way now. I just dont' want to go to the dr and find out. I am having a really hard time the past couple of days, I just can't seem to make myself stop cryin and hurting right now my heart hurts so bad. I just don't know what I am supposed to do with out him. I can't live like this I keep telling my kids I am ok so I don't cry in front of them but when they are gone all I do is cry. How do I move on with my life and do things on my own. randy was everything to me he did everything for me I never learned how to mow the grass put gas in the mower jump start the car if it needed it I don't know how to do anything. I feel helpless the guys at work even walk me to my car to make sure it starts and everything. I think I am feeling worse now then when he passed away. will someone please tell me when this kind of hurt stops because I don't know how much more I can take.Losing my dad was nothing compared to this right now my head is hurting so bad and the tears are just a falling I just can't stop. I'm sorry I didn't mean to go on like that but I just don't have a clue what to do with out him. Just need some help!Lela Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 Lela- I hear you, nobody knows how hard it is until you live it first hand. (it's worse than anything I've ever experienced). you have to remember it will get better and you WON'T feel this way forever. I'm sure being sick isn't helping, I hope you feel better!Miss-I haven't paid much attention to "the stages" it really bites my butt to listen to people pick apart the grief process. sometimes I think pshycotherapy IS crap. lol.if anyone wants to read a good book on the topic I suggest "If you meet the Buddha on the Road shoot Him" as for me I am so sick of people telling me I need to "get past my anger" cause you know what? I have ALOT to be pretty damned pissed about considering my husband was a lying cheating addict and NO I am not going to just forget about it. I mean are you kidding me? is forgetting really dealing with the issues? my DH NEVER EVER wanted to deal with anything. it's so nice he left all his **** at the door (for me and our kids to live with) when he checked out,yk? at this point i am almost glad he is gone (can you say ANGER!!!!???) but truly and I know it's sad to say...but I think our lives ARE so much better off without him here. Everyday I beleive it more and more. this is just how it's supposed to be..lately I am pretty happy though. funny how anger and happieness can happen at once. weird. I am just happy I am not dealing with a lying, cheating, manipulative drug addicted person in my life. it's so ironic how wonderful my life is now that he isn't in it. I actually feel quite free and it's awesome but the anger is still there and will be for a good long time. I am not dwelling on things but I AM going to allow myself to feel the way I feel. I won't just brush it under the carpet for other's comfort.I probably shouldn't post this here because people in his family are stalking me through this website (talk about a new low and they have the balls to call ME vile to anyone who will listen) but you know what? I don't care any longer. this is how I feel and this is how I'm dealing. if other's don't like i, then don't read it and quit stalking me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 btw I am seeking out an alanon group, but is that the place for me when he is dead? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 hmmm. I am not sure I am codependant at all. the definition of codependant is just the polar oppositte of me.lol. it does describe him though. (in a way) if I had known what was going on I would have left in a heartbeat. but now that he is gone I DO see where he controlled me in other ways,etc. makes me wonder how truly sick in the head he was,yk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 yup, that's exactly how my DH was too..there is nothing I hate worse EVER than a liar too. I can accept addiction, I can accept cheating but I CAN'T accept lying. especially when it was my marriage, kids,etc. some days I think the joke is on him though now. and really,I am not the loser in any of this thankfully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 btw allowing yourself to get mad is the best thing ever! so often our society makes women feel like they aren't allowed to be mad! what bs! repression isn't going to do a thing for you! and not dealing with issues is only asking for them to reappear at the most unopportune times. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 like for example. one thing that really irks me is DH convinced me I needed to stop drinking chai the summer before he died. he said it was getting "too expensive" (we had some debt at the time) ok. I stopped drinking my chai. but yet he's making almost 6 figures though and shoving it up his nose every week (he hid the bank statements from me). when he died there was $15 in our savings account! this is the crap that GETS me! he was playing a f-ing game with my head and that is SO not cool with me. I soooo wish I had known so I would have had the chance to leave his ass. seriously. there is no way in hell I would ever put up with what he was doing. I am just glad I didn't have to now. I guess the best part is he is out of my life and I don't have to deal with him any longer. cause if he was just an ex husband and alive I don't know if I could deal with the situation AT ALL. especially with kids invlved? no way! weird how that is? ok I got issues... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 oh yeah and get this..DH told his GF I tricked him into getting pregnant! omg! that is the funniest lie I have found out! I just had to laugh at that one. we PLANNED to get pg!!! I even used a fertility monitor to get pg! so bizarre...and shows me how truly sick he was. but it's that kinds of stuff that gets me. especially when he's telling me the day before he died that he can't wait to have more babies with me! what a loser! what kind of person DOES these things? and how did I end up married to him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 yes charming is the right word I think. ugh. I am going to be sued for a credit card I had no idea about (about $20,000) if I settle it will be less obviously but they are going to have to put a lein on my house for it cause I'm not paying out of my pocket and suffering for it!this isn't even counting all the crap with his so called "business dealings" w/ his family! cause now I find out that he in fact HAS an LLC but I was lied straight to my face about it after his death. it almost seems criminal. and why should I be responsible to pay the legal costs to fix the mess? sigh.(((hugs to you aurora))) glad there is someone out there that understands! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 btw my husband didn't kill himself directly but I feel he did indirectly. his BAC was 3x legal limit when he died. I had to do a double take when I heard someone say he was killed in a car accident to me it was no accident. he essentially kiled himself IMHO. it could have been prevented had he been a responsible adult, I just thank the universe he didn't kill someone else too. THANKFULLY! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missque Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 im having a bad day.... another friend just got engaged... i feel like everyone i know around me is getting engaged and im never gonna get my wedding with jeremy or my 'official' engagement even though it was never official between us we talked about it and we knew it would happen... i just wish i could have had that with him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 Miss, sorry you are having a bad day. One of my best friends is just now getting involved with a new man, after going through a nasty breakup with her husband over a year ago. While I'm really happy for her, it makes me miss Ishaq more...thinking about those first few weeks of getting together and learning about each other...April and Aurora, so sorry about all the financial stuff - that all really sucks. Ishaq was really responsible, so I'm grateful. But I know what you mean. Years ago I had a six year relationship with a man who hid stuff too...until the landlord came to the door and told me the rent hadn't been paid in several months! It was going up my boyfriends nose too. I broke up with him and moved away, but the next longterm relationship I had was with a guy with money issues/problems too. Ishaq and I decided to keep our finances separate, so we never shared bank accounts or anything, I'd pay the bills online so I'd get a check from him. We both felt better having our autonomy. Of course, we weren't legally married, so it was easier.How is everyone else doing? Michele, how are you doing after yesterday? Did you do anything special for the anniversary? And Mary Jo, how are you, and Dorothy and Airymoon and Granny and everyone? Sun is out today, I sat on the front step and soaked it up again. But they say clouds rain and maybe snow (won't hold my breath!) on Friday. But that's Oregon!Blessings to all,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members amberi Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 Aurora- April already knows my story but thought I would share briefly so you dont feel alone. Me and April talked a lot about our similar situs a while back. My husband Alex, I found out was a meth addict, thats pretty much what killed him. He had been doing it so much and long that he ended up with heart failure several times. After Alex passed, I found a forged home loan for 20,000 and another for 75,000. along with he let our insurance lapse on all health and life. So I also got stuck with the 300,000 hospital bills. I miss him dearly but am very pissed at him for the situation he left us in. I live in a spousal state CA. too. So I am also stuck with it. Im trying to fight the loans but until a judge says I dont have to pay I have to pay them. Alex made pretty good money but I make about 2100 a month and my mortgage alone now is 2600. I completely understand you feelings. Being here and having people unfortunately in the same boat really got me threw all the crappiness I was feeling about everything. I never thought anyone would understand what I was going thu. But they did. I hope this helps you feel not so lost. It takes awhile to get there though. Be patient with yourself.April hope your good, n when I was reading you two going back in forth I thought wow does that look familiar. You are a great inspiration to people, Keep your chin up, you are stronger then you think. And you deserve why the hell better, hell I think all three of us do.. Hope that dosent offend, sorry if it does.Hope everyone else is doing better. Miss- Take a deep breathe girl, as someone told me on sat.(Alex's a 8mo Anniv.) "This too shall pass". Wish them well and know he loved you and you loved him.Take care all,Amber Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mishknit Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 weird...aurora, april and amber....i am so sorry for all you are all going thru.addiction and the ensuing insanity and devestation is so very sad. I live in CA too....had a couple credit crads to clear up, but i knew he had them (altho not how much was on them!)..but i was as implicit in running credit card debt as he was, and now they;re all paid and i pay them off every month.of course, i still have financial worries, but they are different, and they're mine, and not based on deceit. anyway, i am so sorry.anna..my day was weird yesterday. i mean that...i just kind of had a day, no big deal. my son and i went to a restaraaunt for dinner that was first my and tom's place, and then our son's..long history, lots of fun and sadness and stuff happened there over the last 20 years. and we hadn't been there since he died.so we went, and it was nice, we toasted tom (my margarita and my boy's coke!), and had a nice meal, and talked about him.....and came jhome and went to bed.and now it's today, the start of year 3.the one thing that was strange was no acknowledgement from friends who i thought would . i don't know that i'm upset...people's lives go on, it's mine that was irrevocably changed 2 years ago..but, i don't know. i thought i'd hear something. and NOTHING from his family...that was the weirdest.good thing i had therapy today..and my grief group tomorrow night! LOL!anyway..it's raining here..i bought wood for a fire and marshmallows....my son and i will enjoy that as we watch my guiltiest of pleasure..American Idol (I can't believe i just admitted that!lol)hope you are all doing well...linda..did you meet the new guy yet?peace,michele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 wow. so I just found out DH cousin is who is tracking me through this site. for some reason someone I've never even met (and who never had a relationship with DH as long as I knew him) is following me around the internet. just incredible what balls people have. and I just can't even comprehend what goes on in these people's minds. is this normal behavior? I mean seriously?? then making up fake emails and telling me I'm lying about stuff they have never been involved in? almost like getting in trouble with my mommy. OMG! um wow. talk about disturbed and desperate. I think someone ought to GET A LIFE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 you know for awhile there I was actually HAPPY dh was dead. truly. not sure what that is all about..I am just SOOOO thankful I don't have to deal with his issues (or his families issues) any longer. good riddance! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missque Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 wow april- so sorry for that.. that is a bit much! try not to let them bother you very much. we dont need other people to make us feel bad we already feel crappy enough Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missque Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 april- have you read your entire book of i wasn't ready to say goodbye? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 yep I have. quite frankly I wasn't all that impressed. I haven't found very many grief books though that I truly love (minus that CS Lewis book A Grief Remembered) they just seem so fakey and false. do this and do this and expect this. half of the "experts" haven't even lost a spouse I'm betting on it! cause they would know how asinine thier lists sound half the time! (IMHO-not knocking it if it helped anyone out there, just seems rediculous to me at times) anyway, there were some good parts in that book but only a few pages IMHO. I didn't read it until a year into it though. it may have helped if I had the book back the week of, yk? I am pretty set how I feel so a book can't change that! (at least not for me! butI'm weird and extremely stubborn) we are all different of course.. I guess that's my point. grief is so varied. and so are our own personal coping skills. btw I've decided DH family is just going to NOT exist to me anymore. that's waht it comes down to. poof they are gone. adios! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 btw sending lots of good energy to you michele and mISs.. that is weird to hear you say year 3. I AM on year 3, yet it won't be 3 years until august. I consider myself at 2 years 5 months. funny how we all keep "track". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missque Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 i have the same one but i havent read it all yet.. i can only get throgh a few pages and then i break down ut i only go chapter or pages that i need but then i have to put it away... just kinda curious if u made it through Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 Yeah I hear you. you don't HAVE to read it though from the beginning. just open a random page. then see how that is. If I remember correctly there are some poignant stories and some nice quotes around chapter 2-4. you don't HAVE to read the book from cover to cover though if it upsets you. Oh and totally look for the book A Grief Remembered at your library! (you won't put that one down, though you will cry) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 and AMBER I am totally doing like you. not paying a thing unless forced. bring it!!!! (I just await the sherrif almost every day.lol) last time they came they wouldn't give me the paperwork because it was in his name only. oops. that debt got dismissed through the national arbitration forum somehow. hoping it wasn't a mistake cause that was like another $20,000. and for what? it's not like we have anything to show for it! so far no judgements yet. it's been almost 2.5 years so either they are going to sue me or not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members armaiti Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 I tried reading a couple of grief books and got frustrated with them, because they all seemed to talk about moving on like Ishaq had stopped and I was still going, where my experience was he was going on in a new form, and checking in with me a lot! I read more of the life after death books - I loved one called "The Song That Never Ended" by jazz musician John Novello, all about the communication he had from his wife after she passed. The other books just didn't fit me at all, with my esoteric spiritual beliefs and traditions. I got a lot more reading the Sufi papers on life after death.I'm dealing with financial stuff too...though it's all my stuff, and not Ishaq's. I've gotten some help from friends and family too. I'm hoping my art stuff takes off more this year and I make more money at it. I still have a lot of old credit card debt I'm paying off...but I'm on top of it anyway. And Ishaq left me a little money as well...I used to get annoyed at him, why he wouldn't want to spend money on things when I knew he had money in the bank...after he passed, I realized that he may have been thinking about keeping it there, because I would need it when he was gone, since he knew he wouldn't live to be real old with his disease...I realized today that I'm still feeling pretty good, but it's starting to freak me out a little...like waiting for the next big wave to hit. I haven't felt this calm or peaceful for this long a stretch...makes me a bit nervous about how far I may fall next time something comes up....Sigh.Blessings,Anna Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aurora Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 Thank you for all your replies!! I don't feel so alone now. People that haven't been through all of this stuff think it is all mind boggling, which it is if you try to tackle it all in one day. Unfortunately we're stuck in this "club" together but we are lucky to have it to help each other get through each day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rodless Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 Hey all,It's WINTER here...fluffy pretty white stuff that's piling up and will blow around tomorrow. It actually got to 17 degrees...heat wave! I'm doing ok. Kind of like Anna, feeling calm and peaceful but afraid to trust it. Took a friend into nearby city for a heart test today. She's going through chemo for breast cancer. While she was doing that I visited another friend who was in a car accident just after Christmas. She has broken pelvis & hip, smashed ankle and elbow and will be in hospital 2-3 months more. Of all things she was in the room that Rod was in on the rehibilitation skilled floor for five weeks after his first chemo problems. Same view out the window of the helicopter pad. Also took a few minutes to eat a sandwich in the cafeteria and thought about all the times I sat there so afraid and upset. Even the parking ramp had memories. But I did fine with it all. I used to cry just driving by the place so I guess I am making progress.After we got home Sandy & I decided to go the Chipmunks movie and cheer ourselves up. It was funny...I loved it. Took me right back to childhood and driving my mom crazy with the hula hoop song. ALVIN!!!!!!!!Keep expressing your anger girls, it will do you good to talk to each other. So sorry you all had to go through this crap. Michele, I think after the first year, we're the only ones counting. It isn't that others don't care, they just go on with their own lives while ours get stuck for awhile. Sleep well everyone....Mary Jo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 22, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 22, 2008 it's funny how things can go south in an instant. (like w/ my baby goat) which I feel was like almost a reminder from the universe in a way for me on a lot of things. not just death. but life, hope, trust, love, birth, joy!enjoy the peace. I have found it tends to deepen with time. which is a good thing.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mishknit Posted January 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 mary jo...it's interesting what we can handel, isn't it? yet..a while ago, maybe you couldn't have.I have my grief group tomorrow night, and it's winding down. they usually last about 2 years..which is where we are at. so...we're all supposed to do a tribute to our spouses. 2 other people have doen theirs (there are 7 in our group0, and i committed several weeks ago to do mine tomorrow nite.well..today, in therapy, i was rambling about how i couldn't possibly do it, capture him..you know....we loved them so, how do we get that across??? and how to give their essence/?anyway...i came home, scanned some pics, found some songs he sand, my son helped me..and i must say..i have an awesome little 10 minute slideshow!! I am pleased and proud and so happy..because i'll have this forever too!I'm going to see if i can figure how to post it to utube or something....you are my grief group too...i'd love it if you could see it. it really doesn't matter what others think, because i'm so happy...but i'd like others to see it too.i'm rambling, but i'm happy and, a little high on wine, which i've been drinking during the whole process....anyway.....i'll let you know if i get it posted somewhere.and Courtney....welcome, under your own, lovely name!peace,michele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members mishknit Posted January 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 mary jo...it's interesting what we can handel, isn't it? yet..a while ago, maybe you couldn't have.I have my grief group tomorrow night, and it's winding down. they usually last about 2 years..which is where we are at. so...we're all supposed to do a tribute to our spouses. 2 other people have doen theirs (there are 7 in our group0, and i committed several weeks ago to do mine tomorrow nite.well..today, in therapy, i was rambling about how i couldn't possibly do it, capture him..you know....we loved them so, how do we get that across??? and how to give their essence/?anyway...i came home, scanned some pics, found some songs he sand, my son helped me..and i must say..i have an awesome little 10 minute slideshow!! I am pleased and proud and so happy..because i'll have this forever too!I'm going to see if i can figure how to post it to utube or something....you are my grief group too...i'd love it if you could see it. it really doesn't matter what others think, because i'm so happy...but i'd like others to see it too.i'm rambling, but i'm happy and, a little high on wine, which i've been drinking during the whole process....anyway.....i'll let you know if i get it posted somewhere.and Courtney....welcome, under your own, lovely name!peace,michele Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 michele- that sounds so great. be sure to put it on youtube! if you use blogger.com you should be able to upload it there too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members aprilmoonflower Posted January 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 btw I have to laugh cause for a long time I kept wondering what happened to your baby Michele- you see back when I first joined there was a pg lady here who spelled her name the same as you. I thought for a LONG time you were her! I was convinced you gave the baby up for adoption! LOL. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members missque Posted January 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 I made this video one night just after jer's accident. I couldn't sleep so I did this... Its on YouTube- theres music to it so if u watch it make sure the volume is on I made it over 6 months ago and it still makes me cry watching it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members misshimstill Posted January 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 Melissa,I watched it. He was so handsome! I know you miss him terribly. Thanks for sharing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members grannyc Posted January 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 ((Hi all))Its funny I read "I wasn't Ready to say Good-Bye" Right after my husband passed away 18+ months ago <I was in such unmeasurable pain something had to help me> and I have not much recall of the book. Will have to look at it again. There is also a workbook my Grief Group Leader has mentioned.One book I have gotten some out of was "Widow to Widow" BUT, make sure you get the NEW edition there was one written in the '60's. I got that first and thought "HuH!!?"Well, that's about all for now. I really feel Tim with me today, but that also makes me lonely. I Want A Hug and More.....Sincerely, Granny Cheryl Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members misshimstill Posted January 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 Since you guys like C.S. Lewis' book A Grief Observed, you might also like a book by a man who knew Lewis personally and who wrote back and forth with Lewis after his own wife died. It is called A Severe Mercy by Seldon VanAcken. You know, I'm not sure of the spelling of the name, but that's close. I wish I had the book at my fingertips, but I don't. It's written sort of like a novel, like a love story, which it is, between him and his wife, Davy. After his wife died, he wrote back and forth with C.S. Lewis, and Lewis helped him through his grief. As far as the two books go, I actually liked it better than Lewis' book, and I liked Lewis' book, so that says a lot. I have read Van Acken's book twice. I'll look on Amazon and see if I can find the correct spelling of his name. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members misshimstill Posted January 23, 2008 Members Report Share Posted January 23, 2008 It's Vanauken who wrote A Severe Mercy. Be careful. There is another A Severe Mercy written by someone else. I have no idea who that is. You can pick up Vanaucken's book for about $4 used on Amazon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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