Loss of an Adult Child

[briansdad]

Well guys with some help from Dan who is hosting my web site ( thanks Dan!!!! )

Here is my web site. I hope to have it live soon.

angel-images.biz

Greg

[ericasmom]

Terry, so sorry for the anger from that man, his attitude really stinks. Could be he was like this before he joined this club and it is just more so now. I hope that you can move forward without any worries now. Good to see Adam's smiling kisser.

Hooray Leah, JaBoa's photo.

I don't blame the parents in this Col, I think too that the news has told the more complete story of this young man's death. HE stepped in to stop the harrassment and in doing so took one big punch and caused a brain bleed. The boy who hit him is a graduated senior and by all accounts, an upstanding kid. I hate to see him lose his life now due to this, but who knows what way this will turn out. Prayers for all involved. Glad for the Mummy band, sounds like fun.

Jon and Shannon will come over tonight for a light dinner. It feels good to know that I will see Jon today. Cool email today from Matt, a boy whose car was struck by ERi's 8 years ago tonight. He was first responder, he and Joel. They were both also 19 and had never met ERi.. They ran to her car 300 yards away and told me what they saw: "it was filled with light they said, the car was filled with light, and we knew we couldn't touch her but we also knew that she was surrounded by a holy light." Now these boys never felt deeply religious, they were both football players for Western Michigan's team. They waited at the hospital for allof us to arrive. They told us when we met them what they saw, they came everyday and they went down that long corridor with me one day so that they could talk to Eri. I introduced them to her, and they both talked to her, both of them in their own words telling her that she changed their lives forever, that they will never take life for granted again. Very powerful stuff.

And today, the 8th of July, Matt found my school email and contacted me. How dear, how special a boy he is. I remember sending his parents a letter telling them what a good boy they raised. Matt Joel and I stayed in contact for about 2 years and then they kind of moved on which I expected. So today Matt gave us a big gift. He said that Eri has changed his life and that he will always remember.

Matt and Joels football coach sent me a western michigan pennant 7 years ago, the whole team signed it adn the coach added Erica's name to it saying that she has helped the whole team as Matt and JOel were the leaders of the team and they were vastly changed by the accident and brought better leadership skills to the team from their experience adn our loss. A bunch of kind-hearted and considerate folks.

[daveydow1]

Bonnie------Thanks for your kind words. Yes...that memory of the last ime I saw my son.....

making fun of the fat kitty, etc. is a good memory for me......also bittersweet. I'm sure you,

and all Indigos have such memories. thanks for the writing of "Letting go". Not sure if

I'll ever be able to do it......I know you know what I mean. Peace to you, friend.

Dee----Sending prayers for Jon and am glad to hear that he is doing better with his back

problems. Also, sending prayers for that brave hero, Kevin,......and his family. Guess I'll

never understand all the culture of violence in our world. Thinking of you, as these days

must be especially sad for you.

Diane-----Such a nice time you've had with the family welcoming the new baby. Avery said

such heartwarming things.

Kathy-----So nice that Tav wants to go to the camp. I guess that his refusal to go to the camp..

so early after his dear mom's passing was just too soon for the little guy. Hoping that it will

be a very positive experience for him now.

Carol----You are so right......memories hurt....but also put warmth in our hearts & souls.., don't they?

They are all that we have, so we cling to them. No one can take them from us.....they are ours alone.

Betsy------Yes,.....it is nice to get organic veggies & other produce when possible. We don't use

any pesticides on our garden. Hope you find a good source to buy from.

Leah------I'm sorry that you are having such a rough time of it. Please try to keep coming to BI,

and vent whenever you feel the need. We all understand that need. Peace & prayers, friend.

Betty-----Oh, I feel better now. You know how it goes......with the roller coaster of emotions that

hit us. So nice of you to help your friend's daughter get set up in her new apt. I'm sure she

appreciates the help. We have had small raccoons coming over through the cornfield from the

woods. I believe that they are looking for food, and I think that the mom raccoon must have been

killed up the road a piece. They seem confused, and showing themselves during the day.......not

a usual thing for coons which are nocturnal by nature. They will run off when we shoo them away.

I'm sure they are the ones that stripped all the remaining raspberries off my bushes. I think that

they are big enough to survive on their own (they grow quickly), if the coyotes do not get them

at night. They could escape the coyotes by climbing trees at night. Nature does not allow us to care

for wild animals very well, and sometimes intervention by humans only leads to bad results for the animals.

So, they are on their own now, and will most likely survive.

Terri------Man !!! .......... that guy seems like a psycho nut case to me. Those were very cruel words he

said. I can put myself in that situation, and visualize how my husband would react to that stupid

jerk.... The results would not have been good. What a creep. I'm glad that you have the other guy

that you've known for many years to make the t-shirts & banners. Best to just forget that other sleaze.

Only a moron would speak that way. As someone said.......consider the source.....a real bottomfeeder.

I'm sorry that happened to you. (I'm so mad.....just thinking about that sad incident....GRRrrrrrrr) .

PEACE AND GOOD SLEEP TO ALL IN THE INDIGO FAMILY.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[kmb22]

Edit

[daveydow1]

Trenton David age 4......at the fair. He's not quite sure about going on the ride by himself, but it went ok.

[mikesmum]

Terri - You know we have a 'virtual' book here of "Oh no you didn't just say that' and "Dumbass things people say", but you know this one needs a volume all of it own.

Tried to explain it by 'we all grieve differently' but you know AIN'T gonna do it!

I understand your anger, you hurt and total loss of abilities today after such a rant. To disrespect not only you ride but your precious child......I'm angry just typing. Possibly a good thing I'm down under....I tend to have a non existent fuse in such matters.

Best I can hope is the memories of Adam, the riders and those 'who get it for real' surround you both.

[Guest msnher]

Curtis's surgery went well. He is in minimal pain. He can do no lifting, driving, bending to pick anything up, sitting for anything except a meal, etc for 3 weeks. I don't think he can return to work for three months, if I heard correctly.

I am still in a fog from what Terri's non-friend said. I just don't understand the cruelty. I tried to understand it. Even tried to compare us to animals. I don't think animals are that cruel to each other though.

I got a little emotional at the hospital today. I wonder if there will ever be a time when I can go there without thinking about Stephanie's death. Deep sigh. I guess for some things there just aren't any answers.

I'm feeling a bit drained so I'm going to call it a night. Much love to you all!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[ericasmom]

Sus, you and I posted at the same time earlier adn I did not see your words about animals/humans and your mention of Curtis' surgery till just now after reading your latest post realizing I must have missed something. I am glad it went well and that his pain is not horrid. I will send prayers and hopes for a complete healing for him. It is going to be a long-ish recovery as far as all the things you listed. Poor Baby. Loved that the dog might likc someone to death. The questions you pose with the instincts of animals/humans have always made me wonder too. But we are animals, mammals through and through. I think that human parental instincts are very similar to many mammals and birds. We want to make sure of our children and see them on their way.

As far as the garden, yes that is in our yard, we love to garden and back then, much of the gardening was done by me, but now, most is done by husband. As far as the blue bird-like figure in the photos, I went back to look the night after I posted it after your inquiry, then I forgot to respond. It is a blue spruce behind them in which you see the blue, but with all that went on before her being struck, it could very well be some peaceful spirits waiting to take her home, keeping track of her. tonight after Jon and Shan left i went for my walk, down to the railroad trestle. I walked up the stairs and stood there but amazingly, there was an engine sitting there with a car attached I'd never in my life seen. It was Federal Railroad Safety Car. Inside the windows, I saw many people with orange vests on and screens lit up with track information. A woman stood on the back of the train car ledge talking to another orange-vested gentleman. I asked, "does this car represent all safety issues on railroad tracks?"

" we are looking at the tracks today ma'am, checking on them." I said, and believe me I am not proud, " really, it is ironic to see this safety car on the tracks when on this night 8 years ago my daughter's car was struck by a train at a reported broken crossing, where were the Federal Safety Rail Cars then? Why weren't you investigating 11 months of reports of a broken crossing? Why the ----weren't you there then?"

I broke down crying then and walked down the steps and walked home.

It sure wasn't those people's responsibility to know that this crazy woman was going to be there but there I was, in disbelief that on this anniversary there sat a safety car on the rail. ironic.

Karen it is good to see you today, though I am sorry for your ache and feelings of sadness. You are at a vulnerable time, nearing one year and yet, how can that be? Remember, this place is really able to handle your ache adn pain, and you are not a downer to let that out with us. You are instead, a grieving momma whose brothers and sisters here really get it. Glad that you got away for a bit.

Greg, what good news to read, can't wait to take a look. You have been working hard on this project.

[ericasmom]

Sherry, love the photo!

[ericasmom]

This is one of the articles published when Erica died.

Erica Eileen Reith, 19

Class of 2002 Oak Park graduate

July 18, 2003|By Joan Giangrasse Kates, Special to the Tribune.Erica Eileen Reith had many friends, but family members said it was the way she touched the lives of those she hardly knew that set her apart from most people.

"We knew Erica was someone special, but we're just now coming to realize the depth of concern she had for so many," said her stepfather, John Conmy. "Wanting to help others was a way of life for her, especially when it came to those that society tends to ignore."

Ms. Reith, 19, of Kalamazoo, Mich., previously of Oak Park and River Forest, died Monday, July 14, of injuries sustained July 8, when an Amtrak train struck her car at an intersection in western Michigan City, Ind.

Ms. Reith's family has received dozens of phone calls over the last week from former classmates expressing their sorrow.

"We had a call from a former high school classmate of hers, a young man who is autistic," said her stepfather. "He stuttered his way through the conversation, but he pushed on and told us things about Erica we never knew. He said, `She was the one who'd talk and joke around with me when all the other kids acted like I wasn't even there.'"

A 2002 graduate of Oak Park and River Forest High School, Ms. Reith grew up in both communities.

Last fall, she moved to Kalamazoo, where she shared a house with her brother, John. She was in her second year at Kalamazoo Valley Community College and seeking work as a nanny to pursue an interest in working with young children.

"She was one of the happiest people I'd ever met," said Julie Wrobel, a new neighbor in Kalamazoo, who was quoted in a July 15 article in the Kalamazoo Gazette.

"The first time you met her she was your best friend and it was like you had known her forever," she said.

Although Ms. Reith never fully regained consciousness after the accident, scores of friends from Illinois and Michigan stood vigil outside her hospital room the week before she died, sometimes completely filling the waiting area.

According to her stepfather, the accident that claimed Ms. Reith's life has also become a cause in Kalamazoo, prompting an editorial in the Gazette calling for a reconfiguration of the intersection given the frequency of accidents through the years.

"We just keep thinking, what's it going to take for them to do something about the unavoidable dangers that exist at that intersection?" her stepfather asked. "Will it take another tragedy like ours?"

Besides her stepfather and brother, Ms. Reith is survived by her mother, Diane Conmy; and her father, Michael.

Services will be held at 1 p.m. Friday in Pilgrim Congregational Church, 460 Lake St., Oak Park.

[westleysmom]

Colleen-Chris and I went to see Here Come the Mummies at a nighttime event back in April, but as soon as they announced them, the bottom dropped out and it rained buckets! We were so disappointed that they didn't get to perform. It sounds like they were great though. Maybe another time they'll come back here.

Dee-I'm so sorry for the insult to injury of the Safety people on this of all days. I have thought of you all day and just now had a chance to send you hugs.

Terri-Sometimes I am rendered speechless, and I guess this is one of them. Hugs to you.

Leah-I'm so glad to see JaBoa and hope you are able to keep checking in.

Sherry-That last time we saw them. I guess that's what's so hard because the last time I saw him we were fighting. I have good memories, but that last one is not pretty and I blame myself.

Susannah-I'm glad Curtis is doing okay. Be sure to tell him to do exactly what they say. Chris had a ruptured disc operated on and tried to overdo too soon and had quite a setback.

I have been pretty down lately, trying to stay as busy as possible to keep from having to think (like you Karen). But you all are in my thoughts daily. Sleep well and sweet dreams of our angels for you all

[Guest msnher]

Dearest Dee,

There is nothing ironic about that safety car being there, tonight - of all nights. It is not a coincidence that you "happened" by tonight - of all nights, to see it. One more layer of the onion of grief for your painful journey. I believe it was Erica saying, "It's time, Mom." Time for what I do not know. Time to release more pain. Time to face the hideous horror of this layer....not a new layer, but a hidden layer. Your angel is a strong soul, bidding you to feel, trusting that she is right there beside you. Eight is a magical number...a master number...a spiritual number. It is a strong number. And, just like the blacksmith gets iron to bend by exposing it to intense heat, you have proven that you can bend under intense loss - unimaginable loss and still remain soft, gentle, loving. You are a true inspiration to all of us. You have stayed here to help light the way for those of us newer to this journey. What courage you possess...what strength...what love. Your openness and honesty about the depth of your grief and the height of your joy has given me the freedom to mourn and the faith to laugh again. The safety car being there was not a slap in the face to you. Quite the contrary. It was your daughter exposing herself in the most intimate part of your soul.

All my love to you sweet Dee,

Susannah

[mikesmum]

"The first time you met her she was your best friend and it was like you had known her forever," she said

I got that same feeling when I met an 'older version' of Erica.....qualities that truly define you and Eri Dee.....

[mysonrich]

Dee, maybe not the ability to gaze into their crystal ball and prepare for an encounter with a crazy woman, but their responsibility , it most certainly is. They are representatives of the Federal government and in that entity, held accountable. Seeing a human face yesterday may enable them to take into consideration the lives that depend on them . I'd say its just what they needed. To realize its not all about iron and steel.

Terri, my motto anymore, “ God is great. Beer is good.( waiting for a hot summer day to enjoy a Blue Moon) People are crazy”...and that man, non-friend is definitely crazy to say such a thing, and a moron. So sorry that happened.

Greg, nice web-site. Dan too.

Karen, good to see Shawn’s beautiful smiling eyes. Voicing dark thoughts can be helpful to you. We're all ear's. (((hugs)))

Colleen, sounds like a great time at Summer-fest.

Susannah, lots of recuperation for Curtis, rehab too? Good that all went well for him. And the doves, do they sound something like an owl?

Sherri, is that the helicopter ride? Looks like fun.

[ericasmom]

Thanks All, I slept withthoughts of that train car and my yelling at them, I hope that you are right Betsy, a face to the pain. I do think though that the message too may have been Eri saying, Look, now there are more measures to keep folks safe mom, hooray! We fought until the area in Kalamazoo was made safe for all those college kids going to and from, all five intersections were made safe. I should not have yelled but maybe tipped my hat. Either way, it did strike me as WOW< TONIGHT? A sign for sure.

Thanks Sus, I stay here to help but I also stay here for the support and the friendship. we are kin, but if my experiences have helped you see beyond your ache, then I am all the more happy for it. This is home in more ways than I can explain.

Peaceful day all, going to get outside before the heat gets too intense.

[Guest msnher]

Betsy - yes, the doves sound like an owl. I love what you said to Dee about the people on the safety car putting a face their responsibilities and also that it may not be their responsibility to face a crazy woman but it's their responsibility. Love it. Yes, yes, yes! It never occured to me that your experience, Dee, might be for their benefit. I'm sorry for the pain it caused you, though.

[Guest msnher]

typo - it may not be their ability, but it's their responsibility. not what I said in my last post trying to quote Betsy.

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Dearest Dee I am so sorry that you have endured this loss of Tink We all understand how painful this time is. Thank you for shading your heart. You have given so much to so many please know that our hearts are with you in these dark hours.

Betsy I agree with your "post to Terri" I too do not let any of that stuff touch me anymore.Too many Jerks and Morans out there.

Sherry Loved that sweet little photo Thank you. I appreciate your sharing about the little creatures that live on your property It sounds so beautiful and I know it is a great deal of work!!

Dee and all Indigos

[daveydow1]

Dee-----Thanks for posting the writing about ERi's accident and passing . It was very touching when the

young man, who was autistic, called Michael and told him how kind ERi was to him, and told things

that you did not know of. We also had a few people tell us things (just ordinary day-in-day-out stuff)

about Dave. Although they were ordinary things, they were treasures to us, and we appreciated the

people who told us. One was a man who worked with Dave. His name was also, Dave, and he told

us that being a good bit older than our son....the co-workers called him "Old Dave", and called our

son "Young Dave". He relayed other amusing workplace stories about Davey, and we appreciated

that so much. When his car broke down, Davey would run out in the country where the other Dave

lived, and pick him up & give him a ride to work, since they were on the same shift. The writing you

posted illustrates just how truly kind and fun-loving ERi was......so much a 'people person'. May her

loving, pink spirit warm your heart and help you through these difficult days. Peace to you.

Betsy----Yep---that was the helicopter ride in the Kiddie Rides area at the fair. His older brother, did

not want to go on the ride, so he still wanted to go on. He thought maybe the ride operator would put

another child in the same helicopter with him, and when he didn't (no other kids waiting to get on),

then Trenton David had to ride by himself. It all went well, though.

Terri----I'm still mad about that rude, sleazy t-shirt guy who said such hurtful and ignorant things to you.

Amazing how some people can disregard other people's feelings, and he KNEW about Adam's passing.

Just a terrible person to do that. It's good you are rid of him.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[heartbeataway]

Oh Dee Love ....... the pain in your words to the “Safety” folks was almost palpable ....... reading your words actually brought tears to my eyes. And then the memory of Matt & Joel and the light ...... wow!

I heard something today that touched my heart:

“Losing you wouldn’t be so hard to take if Heaven wasn’t so far away .....”

Susannah,

I send you strength ......

Sherry,

Sweet picture of little tot Davey ......

Betty,

I like the picture and words you shared. Touching ......

[ericasmom]

Sus, I am open to all ways that it can be interpreted, so thanks. Sus, those are morning doves I think. We have them, they are loud and rhythmic.

Sherry, it is a gift beyond what others can imagine when they tell us little tidbits of daily life for our kids. I am so glad that the old dave, told you those stories as they remain 8 years later, diamonds glistening in the dark.

Trud, thanks for your sweet self on that comment, Eri and I shared a few common traits, glad that you feel that particular trait is something you see in me.

Bonnie, what great words to hold close on these darker days. It is so. Thanks Sweetie Girl for your heart.

Betty, love the words and yep, it sure would answer so many broken hearts. I know in most of my days, that what happened to ERi simply did, that somehow she was not going to live beyond 19 on this plane anyway, but some years on the anniversary, I become combative with others and angry, as though it just churns up again and takes me down a bit of a white-water ride. Hang onto my own hat for this year.

[daveydow1]

Betty-----I think we posted at the same time. Oh, yes----that sure would be the Dearest Wish

of all of us here at BI.....to just see our children again, to talk to them, to hug them. The small

raccoons may not come back......who knows ? We did shoo them away, so I'm hoping that

they stay in the woods. They will definitely get killed if they venture onto the road......quite a

lot of farm tractors & implements coming & going in this area. If they make it to fall, they should

be big enough.....and smart enough...to survive on their own. They are so cute with their little

black masks, and dark eyes peering out. Do you go to any concerts in the park ? They have

a series of concerts at a park system in our area (free--sponsored by 7-UP), and we have gone

to them in the past. Hope to take in one or two this summer. I love the atmosphere of the open-air

concerts.

Bonnie----Thanks for your kind words about the pic of my grandson. He's such an 'easy' child.

Goes along with most anything. He & brother Canyon (age 6) will be coming out for a mini

vacation in the weeks ahead. Hope all is going along smoothly for you, with the adoption process.

Dee----We posted at the same time also. Yes, I agree......those little tidbits of things we hear from

others about our beloved children are indeed diamonds to us. We store them away for safe-keeping,

and can draw them out and visualize & feel the warmth that they bring to our hearts.

Sherry

[heartbeataway]

Terri,

I just read your post about the "new t-shirt guy" .......

First, I am so sorry!

But you know, it sounds like he's got something going on ..... something that's changing him. Maybe an addition of some kind that's getting out of hand? Not that it takes away from the disrespect and mean spirit of his words and actions. There is no excuse for that!

It cuts like a knife when someone does or says something to disrespect our children, doesn't it? I am so sorry!

~

[mikesmomrs]

So many posts and so many words, and I am in tears...tears of joy for the things shared with you by Eri's friends, DEE and tears of sorrow for the need for that article written about Eri...then tears of joy again for what was in it about your beautiful girl! Matt and Joel...Eri's beautiful spirit lives on in their lives, the changes made are exponential...impacting all who they meet and so on, blessedly. The siting by you at the crossing of the Federal Safety people? Oh, my goodness...of course, it's Eri again, saying "Yes, mom, see, we are doing good here...progress is being made, crossings are being made safer for all those to come."..someone posted something similar to this after your post, and I was also thinking the same thing as I read your post...no, it wasn't "coincidence" that you went there...it wasn't "coincidence" that the workers were there at that moment in time...we here on BI know about "coincidences" now, and we know that they are few and far between...rather, more often it is the reality of our sweet ones surrounding us with their spirits, letting us know things are okay, things are going the way they should be. No, sadly and hearbreakingly, those Federal Rail Safety people weren't there 8 years ago, and the resultant pain that has brought about is immeasurable, but Eri has had a hand [and it would take a large hand to accomplish this...and you said Eri had large hands] in this, for sure...or you wouldn't have been there to see them there...of this I am sure...some would say we are crazy, but we know, don't we? Our angels want us to know they are there, and they want us to know "things" happen involving them...and I have to believe that Eri was standing right beside you on that platform. What you spoke to them, while you may feel ashamed of it, and the resultant tears, is another "Eri" event...it was, as Betsy said, "a face to the pain," a way for you to help those people working there to realize that it truly is about more than steel and trains...what they are doing is about PEOPLE, and their need to be there for those people. This they likely at some point over the course of their work may have thought about, but now, now they know.

Terrie, your post about the T shirt guy...heartbreaking...as others have said...anger, hurt, shock at what he said... and then others have said perhaps he has something going on...perhaps he is in pain and no one to share it with, and it results in lashing out. No, it doesn't take away from the mean spirit and the hurt he caused with his words, and whatever the reason, the result is the same...you are hurt beyond hurt, again...and I am so sorry. So very sorry. I don't know how I would have reacted. Likely would have gone home and cried for a day. I am glad you could come here and vent it...what would we do without BI and the beautiful people who are here? Adam is right there with you, proud of your continuing work in his name, proud that you and your husband are his mom and dad. Sending love to you and strength to continue.

Sherry: Trenton is so cute, and so brave to go on the ride by himself...such a joy!

Lorri: [[[[hugs]]]] Is Kody racing tonight?

Colleen: So glad you enjoyed the band you saw...glad you and Scott are "sharing" this time...

Betty: Your words are always so kind and comforting.

Trudi: You have the "second shift" with you now? I wish I could be there with you all to walk on the beach and explore...even if it happens to be raining, or just sit quietly with some card game or something. "Sitting quietly" may not, however, be something on their agenda, eh?

Karen: Good to hear from you...glad you got away for a couple of days, but sorry you have to face it all again upon returning home. [[[[Hugs]]]]

Susannah: Sending more prayers for Curtis's recovery...I had the same operation in '02...and yes, following the doctor's orders and doing the rehab if necessary is SO important. I know that guys tend to find it almost impossible to do that, but the outcome will be so much better.

Betsy: I like your motto, too.

Greg: will check out your website...how kind of Dan to help

Leah: So good to see your beautiful JaBoa's sweet face again...good for you for getting the picture back on!

A happy first yesterday (well, not the first, but certainly it hasn't happened in a very, very long time...and never since we moved here, 2 1/2 years ago) Ralph went into the pool at the clubhouse here in our park, with Damon and me...no one else was there, and we all had such fun...Damon was SO excited that his Papa was there. Ralph was leary about going into the pool, as the last time he did, he felt very uncomfortable, felt like the water was crushing his chest, making it even harder for him to breathe than usual. However, this time, he felt completely relaxed, floated around some, then played with Damon some, then swam a bit. Then, he WALKED ALL THE WAY HOME WITH DAMON...they did go slowly, and Ralph had his cane, but still, he walked...it is not very far...perhaps 3-4 minutes normally, but he took his time and took about 6-7 minutes, as they stopped once to follow a chipmunk, but he did it, and wasn't wiped out when he got to our driveway. And he didn't have to use his oxygen. I am amazed. Doesn't sound like much, but believe, me, it is.

Cathi and I are going to a ball game tonight...Ralph is "babysitting" Jamie and Kameron...last night the Red Sox won, but there was a horrendous clash of the two teams over something one of the other team's pitchers did, that caused our batter to go after him...this was after the pitcher had come very close to hitting our batter three times in a row. Both teams will, I am sure, be warned before the game, so that will help. Usually this sort of thing blows over quickly, but I think there are going to be suspensions upcoming, so we will see. Anyway, I am looking forward to having a good time, regardless.

I hope you all have a good evening and rest of the weekend. For those of you close to days that bring you back to deep sorrow, I hold you close in my heart, and ask that your sweet child stay close to you during these days, and send you strength.

[dwsmithrn]

betty...those words ring so true...wish we could 'make' it happen....only make believe for now.

dee...thanks for the words and wisdom you share with me and with others. thanks for sharing the news article of your kind-hearted Eri.she was a special person. how proud she has made all of us. we are with you on your upcoming date. it is hard to go there.

sherry...thanks to you also.

terri...i am sorry you had to encounter such a horrid person...what a nutjob..insensitive to say the least. i am glad the other person was happy to fill in and do all of the t-shirts without even an eye blink. good for him. but sorry the other guy was such a snot.

this baby is so precious and when i hold him close, i remember back to the day that nathan was in my arms. so many memories flood my heart and soul. not that i am trying to replace him in any way, just memories crowd my brain even if only for awhile.

it is an emotional time for jim and myself. we are trying to get through the best way we know how. still so early with our loss, yet here is a new life we must let enter into our lives. i find myself bursting into sobbing tears every time i leave my daughter's house. i hurt so much, just wanting for nathan. maybe he is here in spirit, but to me, that is not good enough, not yet. i want him here, why? because i am selfish....i want him here, in the earthly form. i know it can never be that way, i know it so much that it hurts down to the bone, but maybe i just can't accept it yet. i haven't quite given in to this horror of a nightmare that he truly is gone....grief plays tricks on you. all kinds of tricks. with your heart, your brain and your soul. you don't know if you are coming or going, where you've been or where you are supposed to go. whether to keep going or when to throw in the towel. i still don't know what to do with my self and if i am even 'myself'. this 'grief' sucks. that is all i know today.

i read all posts and am proud to call you friends/family on this, the journey of a lifetime. this the only place my heart can feel comforted and not alone. hope there is some peace out there for all at some point....love, diane

[lolynbo]

NO KODYS NOT RACING OUR TRACK IS CLOSED FOR FEW WEEKS....SO WERE GOING TO GO CHECK OUT A ASPHALT TRACK CUZ WE WANT TO RACE ASPHALT....

107 HERE TODAY TO HOT TO BREATHE

[ericasmom]

here are the five stages of grief as explained by many therapists but also quite well in the book I named the other day:How to Survive the Loss of a Child, by Catherine M. Sanders, PHD

I fully believe that we travel through them all and sometimes return to some earlier stages when stressed in new ways or when facing the dates.These don't just take weeks or months to travel, these are different for us all, but this outlines where you may have been, where you may be now, or give you hope for a later time.

shock-disbelief, confusion, restlessness, helplessness, state of alarm, psychological distancing

awareness of loss-separation anxiety, emotional conflicts, oversensitivity, anger, guilt, prolonged stress

conservation/ withdrawal-despair, weakened immune system, fatigue, greif work, hibernation

healing-taking control, giving up old roles, forming a new identity, forgiving and forgetting,(not the child but maybe letting go of some of the searing ache) searching for meaning, closing the wound

renewal-new self awareness, accpting responsibility, learning to live without, focusing on inner needs, reaching out

[ericasmom]

Lorri, be careful in that heat. We hit 88 and I am overheated from that. Tomorrow, more than 90 with humidity. Today we have a gorgeous breeze and blue skies with puffy clouds. Give Kody a squeeze for me.

Col, how are you doing as the days lead you onward?

[heartbeataway]

Dreamed about you last night ..... you walked into the kitchen from the garage, I was at the sink cutting up veggies. You walked over and gave me that "side" hug you always did and kissed me on the cheek as you said "hi mom" ..... then you grabbed a strip of green pepper and popped it in your mouth ....... your hug felt so real. ♥!

********

"I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart for so long. If we’re in each others dreams, we can be together all the time."— A.A. Milne (Winnie-the-Pooh)

[mikesmum]

Its a cold and very wintery Sunday here in the hills. I have 4 days off before the second set of grandies land...

Early morning call from Step son to 'come walk the puppies' saw me walking for miles then hot chocolate all round.

The five stages of grief ~ I oscillate through the last 4 with a randomness that defies logic.

Today...conservation/ withdrawal. When the grandies are here...renewal

[ericasmom]

I agree Trud, I go between them especially on days like yesterday and some that will follow. I do think however, that I am mostly at renewal, but it took some time getting to that place. A cold wintry day for you with miles to go before your hot chocolate. I hope that you are cozy and toasty and that you rest in the quiet that resides before the visits of the Grandies.

Bonnie, Sounds like a visit to me. A visit from the man who is sunlight.

Also by Winnie the Pooh: If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hunderd minus one day so I never have to live without you.

[ericasmom]

Quiet morning as I was last to post last night and first today. Hope everyone is well, may it be a peace-filled day.

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Hi Dee Thanks so much for the "Outline of the Grief Process" It is pretty detailed and I feel describes the terrible road well. I do believe I , no longer have the searing pain nor the complete withdrawal and distancing that I once practiced. Guess I am "healing and redefining myself. It feels like the right thing to do and with the process I have not lost Stephen. He is still walking with me every step of the way. I find sweet memories of him tucked deep in my heart each day and I feel close to him It is not what I planned it just hap.pened.

Carol I saw a heart in the perfect shape of a Heart yesterday I wished I had brought my camera, just as you and Betsy so often do. . Thought of you.

Bonnie What a treasured dream !!! I do not remember nay of my dreams but One day maybe I will have such a gift.

Sherry Thanks for the update on your little creatures I hope they stay safe. Yes I do try to go to the outdoor concerts in the summer. Glad that you have them as well. It is wonderful to be outdoors and listen to good or not so good music. I have a park very close by and when a rock group "Snoop Doggy Dog" are scheduled to perform, they send me an email!!! I think it is because I gave a donation the first time I saw them It is a beautiful day in NYC the temps are perfect and great for outdoor concerts, walks or just sitting by the river. Going to church and out to breakfast in an "Outdoor" cafe and then I will decide what to do . This little restaurant reminds me of one that Trudie and Sir Mutley would have tea in so often. It is too nice to be indoors.

I hope each Indigo finds a treasured memory of their angel today and remains in that warmth

[heartbeataway]

Went to dinner with neighbors last night ..... nice to be out.

I made Banana Butter Pecan Ice Cream yesterday ........ yummy! I really need to get off of this baking/cooking kick!

And I finally got a call from Bereaved Parents to start the process to have a chapter in our area ...... a good thing. It's needed.

We have set the date for Pinnacle Days this year ..... the weekend of Sept. 17th. Once that date is set it throws all kinds of wheels into motion. It's gonna be a busy couple of months at our house. A good busy!

And Tuesday, we will find out if we were chosen to move forward in the process to learn more about our "maybe" children. They're initials are D A M .... we've affectionately referred to them as our "DAM children" ;-) If we are not chosen, we pray for a home that keeps them together as they grow up. Such innocent little victims who did not ask for the chaos and disruption in their young lives.

[Guest msnher]

Good morning.

I, too, love the outline of grief you posted, Dee. It is much more accurate than the stages of grief I was acquainted with before Stephanie died. I believe I am between healing and renewal, visiting the first three periodically. There are still times the shock of Stephanie's death hits me and I respond "really?".

Another tragedy. 1 1/2 hrs south of Casper in a small town named Wheatland a man shot and killed his three sons and his brother. He shot his wife but she was able to get away and summon help. I have no words.

Yesterday I wrote two long posts but deleted them because they were just ramblings and were too negative and I'm trying not to feed my negative animal. When I do pretty soon all I see is darkness and evil. I don't want to hide my head in the sand or pretend that everything's okay when it isn't...that's not what I'm saying...I just, I just...hell! I don't know. Sometimes it's too horrible to comprehend and I just have no words.

Oh - Curtis seems to be doing well. Yesterday he bought a new recliner so he can sleep in. Gary and Cindy carried it and set it up. I was holding Little Curtis (2yrs) trying to keep him out of the way. He threw a holy fit. He kept kicking me but I just held him. Then he hauled off and slugged me in the mouth. It shocked me and I just looked at him. Curtis was furious. He took him from me and put him in his room and firmly told him to stay there. The thing is Curtis isn't supposed to lift anything heavier than a cell phone. He did that the day after surgery so I'm now worried he hurt himself. I told him I could have handled it but he said he is not going to sit back and watch his son "slug my mother in the mouth". I feel both proud and worried. After a few minutes he went to Little Curtis' room and told him he could come out now but he has to tell Grandma he's sorry. Little Curtis did and then went back to Daddy for some lovin'. Then Gary got after Kaylee for a minor infraction and broke Kaylee's heart so I just went home. It's hard to watch others discipline my grandchildren. Even their own parents. I'm such a sap!

[Guest msnher]

Just a thought. My truth or at least my hope....

There are times during this journey when the pain is excruciating...not just emotional pain but physical pain as well. I THINK it is a possibility that those times can be the result of our child's actual presence but we misread their presence. Instead of finding comfort from their nearness we mistake it for the sudden realization that "they're gone". By way of experimentation (for myself) instead of hating the pian I tried to view it as Stephanie's presence and embraced the pain instead. I literally unclenched my jaw, opened my fists and practiced breathing (similar as when you're in labor) and allowed the pain to envelop me. When I remembered to do that a warm comfort would blanket around me. Could be my imagination but I choose to believe it was Stephanie.

It is our body's natural reaction to clench up when in pain. It is unnatural to receive the pain. Not fighting the pain seems to help ease the pain. Of course, I also went to bed for a year, so what do I know?

[jdandhope]

Been a while since I have been on here. No excuses just sometimes you need a break. I know you all understand. But today I needed a little extra support from my sisters and brothers in this horrific "club". Quick version: We hold a fundraising event in our son's memory and use the money to give scholarships to students graduating from Adam's school. As part of the event we sell t-shirts and hang banners with the sponsors names, etc on it. My husband has known a man for 30+ years that has a t-shirt business. Adam worked for him for two summers. It was the only job Adam ever had. This man is important to us and he knew Adam. Now, we met another guy who belongs to a club we belong to. We met him a few months after Adam passed. He also has a t-shirt business. So for the first two years of the fundraising event, we asked both guys if they would donate or be interested in sponsoring. Both years they both did and we split up the shirts, etc. so neither one had to pay out too much money. This year we tried to call the "new" t-shirt friend to see if he wanted to be involved again. He never called us back. So we assumed he didn't want to be involved. We, of course, went to our long-time friend who did all the shirts and did the banner, etc. Last night we saw the "new" t-shirt guy and I asked him if we had done something to upset him. He proceeds to get heated and say how his feelings were hurt that he didn't do any of the shirts this year. We told him we had tried to call him and he never called us back. He says "you could have come to the shop" well to me I'm not going to go beg you to be involved, we called 3 times he never called back. To me that meant nope, not interested. The conversation gets more and more heated and my husband and I explain to him that we have known the other guy for 30 years, that it was the ONLY job Adam ever had. It was important that this guy be involved. New guy just doesn't seem to get it. It gets more and more heated then - just as new guy walks away he says (and please excuse the language but you gotta hear the exact words to get the effect) He says: "**** your run, and **** you boy!" SERIOUSLY THIS IS WHAT HE SAID. We went off the deep end as I'm sure you all would have done. Now we are both screaming at him as he is walking away. (In language not suitable for children mind you). WHO SAYS SOMETHING LIKE THIS???????? Am I crazy or is this just completely and utterly cruel? I am still sick to my stomach over the entire thing. I can't hardly function today I am so upset. Have any of you ever had something like this happen? Tell me please how am I supposed to react to this cause I am clueless and need a little support. Thanks for letting me vent. And to the "new" folks I haven't yet met on here. I pray for all of our Angels every day and I'm so very sorry for all of our losses. Love - t

[jdandhope]

His anger is completely mis directed and unexplainable. Yours however is justified and you should feel no guilt. I'm sorry someone has increased your suffering.

Always With Hope in my heart

[Guest msnher]

How to survive the death of your child is not available on kindle. I ordered the book. From what I was able to read by "browsing" I am anxious to have it in my hands. I don't think I would have been able to read it before now. Thanks Dee!

[mysonrich]

It is a beautiful day. I was up early, went back to sleep, my brother called and I went outside and decided I shouldn't let the day pass by with me inside.

I got my aunt in the car,loaded her walker, ( she can walk but at times feels dizzy or just needs to sit for a spell) and off to the the farmers market we went. I picked up a bottle of vine from a local vineyard. I really don't know how to choose a wine but today I was able to have a small taste test and settle on one. My aunt and uncle and my mom and step-dad were never drinkers so when I told my aunt I purchased a bottle I was rather surprised when she did not yell “ heathen”. I don't often drink so this should last.

http://www.unionvillevineyards.com/sites/courses/layout.asp?id=825&page=45606

also, Sicilian eggplant, tomatoes, apples,corn, onions, apple cider, green beans. The girl at the stand gave me a recipe for the eggplant after I told her that I don’t' have much luck with them. I'll let you know how they turn out. She also said that she mashes them. Something different.

Dee, Betty, Sherry, Carol,Karen,Trudi,Bonnie,Lorri,Diane,Crystals, Susannah, Greg, Leah,Bonnie,Indigo’s..may the sun and warm air bring some peace to our hearts and souls.

[Toby'sMom]

I too have attempted to "embrace" those moments when I feel overwhelmed by the loss. I have noticed that when this happens it is because Toby is in the forefront of my thoughts and won't leave. (He is always on my mind - but sometimes I cant think of anything else). I had never considered that this might be intentional on his part versus my fixation with my loss. I have however been taking those "opportunities" to say "I love you Toby" and when I can, look for him in the beauty that is around me. The other day leaving work, as I was walking across the parking lot, I had a wave of grief that seemed to wash over me- tears quickly forming and streaming - I looked up and the there was such beauty in the way the clouds were painted across the sky, with the sun glowing behind them, that I thought "there you are Toby - I can see you!" The pain is a way of remembering and loving those who are not physically present with us - as weird as that sounds - it is how I need to think of it to keep living this life.

Thanks for sharing this Susannah - it really makes sense to me at least.

Cheryl - Toby's Mom

Just a thought. My truth or at least my hope....

There are times during this journey when the pain is excruciating...not just emotional pain but physical pain as well. I THINK it is a possibility that those times can be the result of our child's actual presence but we misread their presence. Instead of finding comfort from their nearness we mistake it for the sudden realization that "they're gone". By way of experimentation (for myself) instead of hating the pian I tried to view it as Stephanie's presence and embraced the pain instead. I literally unclenched my jaw, opened my fists and practiced breathing (similar as when you're in labor) and allowed the pain to envelop me. When I remembered to do that a warm comfort would blanket around me. Could be my imagination but I choose to believe it was Stephanie.

It is our body's natural reaction to clench up when in pain. It is unnatural to receive the pain. Not fighting the pain seems to help ease the pain. Of course, I also went to bed for a year, so what do I know?

[ericasmom]

Sus, I have long believed that in the dirt and grime of grief, in the depths of those tunnels we get lost in, we mine some great knowledge, some great treasures that are there for us to locate, pieces of our lives with our child. Gold and silver laying in the mud of our tears, we are the miners. We emerge from those deep places in such deep pain, but we also emerge with strength and a sense of our Babies, a sky filled with color like Toby's Mom saw upon her ache, for me that shaft of light one day in the woods when I said, WHERE ARE YOU ERI? And there she showed herself, right here mom, right next to you. I agree that it is in our darkest places that we learn to look for more beyond the pain.

Betty, thanks for the good wishes for a nice day, you too.

Bonnie, good luck, my goodness so much going on. The date set for Pinacle Days and the date coming up to see about the kids, (DAM kids) love that. Prayers and hope. Oh, send some ice cream our way.

Betsy, so glad that you are out and about. Sounds like a fabulous time at the market, and please let us know how the eggplant is. Did Auntie have a nice time. I will have a glass of wine with you later. I love a glass of wine, usually once per week.

Sus, I think that the book will be a good fit. My pleasure to drop titles.

[daveydow1]

Carol----That is such encouraging news that Ralph had a nice swim with Damon, and a good

walk without any bad effects. It sure is a big thing for anyone who has been through so much

as Ralph has. Thanks for your kind words about my grandie, Trenton. Aren't grandies great ?

Dee----I agree that sometimes we go to all of the stages of grief at different times. No set pattern

with grief. So nice you had a call from one of the first responders at sweet ERi's accident. So

good to hear about the light that surrounded her......just heavenly.

Bonnie-----Such a wonderful dream you had of dear Jason,.....and his hug to top it all off. Your

banana, butter pecan ice cream sounds so good......YUM !!

Betty-----I agree....most times the music at outdoor concerts is good.....sometimes not so good ,

but all in all, it's usually a lot of fun & enjoyment. I don't know about Snoop Dog music.....I've never

been one for rap, but who knows.......his concerts may be good. Lovely time for you this a.m.....

church, and then breakfast at the outdoor cafe. So nice. We have not seen anything else of the

small raccoons in a couple days, so they must have taken up residence in the woods, or found

their mom.......they might have just been doing a little 'Junior' scouting around on their own.

Sus----Sending thoughts & prayers that Curtis can recuperate and get well real soon. Back surgery

is no fun......that's for sure. I've never had it, but have heard from many other people. Anyhow, I hope

he is on the mend.

Betsy-----Your outing with your aunt to the farm market was just a nice time I bet. You bought a lot

of things....apples, veggies, and a nice bottle of wine. I don't know much about wines either. I just

usually order rose or white, if and when I go out to dinner....which is not that often.

Cheryl----I like what you said.....that 'you look for Toby in the beauty that is around you'. That is a

very encouraging statement, and I thank you for it. We here at BI find encourgement from everyone

on this site,.....no matter how long or short of a time they have been on this road. Peace to you, friend.

Lorri----YIKES.....107 degrees. Yes,.....be careful,....but I don't need to tell this to an OKLA. girl, do I ?

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[ericasmom]

Carol, I don't think I thanked you for your sweet take on things about Eri and the signs and Matt and Joel and the newspaper article. Thank you for your beautiful post concerning all things Eri. Yes, she has big hands and an even bigger spirit, and for that I am so very grateful. Glad that Ralph was swimming with Damon and that he managed to walk and not need oxygen. GOOD NEWS! How was the game the other night?

Sherry, it was so dear of Matt to write me after this amount of time. Did you guys have a very hot day today?

[dwsmithrn]

hi everyone...hope it was a good day for you all....at least i hope someone found some peace in today.

i had one of those horrific nightmares last night, or at 3 am...then couldn't get back to sleep until later this morning....i didn't get to go see the new baby today, but i will tomorrow. even my husband has shed some tears and said this has brought out some emotions he didn't expect lately. the joy of this new life and the sadness of our great loss. it's so hard to explain, but it's there.

i think i am floundering between the first 3 stages of grief and can't get past any of those....the counselor said it happens that way...you can float from one to the other in no particular order...back and forth and back and forth. no time line, no order, just whatever happens with your own pattern of grief. that is where i am. the nightmares aren't helping much either.

i do have hope that one day i will be able to go out, see the beauty in my surroundings and cook again, and be a nurse again and be a 'somebody' again. i can see that there is hope some where down the road. i think maybe that crack of light can enter in at some point. just not today.

thanks to everyone for sharing their stories and their feelings/emotions and their stories of their precious angels...it helps the rest of us know where we are going and where we have been. i know i can always come here and find some comfort...so thanks.

have a good week. diane

[ericasmom]

Diane, I think that it is so very important that your Dear Husband is showing his grief. He needs to and it seems very clear that the new life in your family has unlocked some doors to the loss. It is inevitable really, it brings such memories of your own Children when they were born, and birth is the opposite of death so there really is no way to avoid the pain while experiencing the happiness of this precious new little human. I am glad that your husband is able to share his ache with you. Sorry to hear of your nightmares, I hate them and have had a few recently after a very long stint of not having nightmares. What happens in your dreams?

The best thing I am hearing from you Diane, is that you are seeing that you have taken steps and that you will take more. You have worked really hard. I agree with your therapist, the stages of grief are an outline of what we go through, but it can't name all the nuances and the variances in a given day. We do go from one to the otehr some days and other times are stuck in one phase for a long while.

Sleep well All, may you have sweet dreams tonight, and deep sleep

[mikesmum]

While oscillating through my stages as I do I am back to wandering the internet in the wee hours searching for a sign, an anwer anything that will send me to sleep. I came across this and while reading it I felt an overwhelming urge to 'set this blogger straight'. She talks of her grief, no she didn't lose a child, she is grieving the 'empty nest' left by her children as they find their way into the world.......OMG. Once upon a time I would have just ignored this as an 'over reaction' to the normal progression, but now UNBELIEVABLE!!

Rant over, warming milk in an attempt to encourage sleep....yeah right.

http://ashiramedicinewoman.blogspot.com/2011/05/cycles-of-life-broken-down-into.html#comment-form

[Guest msnher]

Good morning Indigo's;

Diane - Congratulations on the new baby (I don't know if I said that or not). It is strange the way joy can trigger grief. There is a thin line between the two, especially when you are so new to this journey or when the holidays or anniversaries approach. I never had nightmares about Stephanie's death. Gosh I rarely dream about her anymore. That's just odd. When my grandchildren were stolen I had nightmares about them every night for several months and then just every once in a while. The dreams were always about my failure to save them. They would be just within reach and they would slip away or I'd turn my head and they'd be gone. One dream their father had a hold of Mariah's arm and I had the other arm and we were pulling and I had to let go or we would rip her in half. I imagine those are the kind of dreams you are having? No need for you to elaborate unless you want to. I didn't mean to pry. I know this sounds corny, but there are a few things you can do that will help with the dreams. I annointed my pillow with oil and prayed over it. I also meditate before I go to sleep. I ring a Buddhist bell once and concentrate on the changing pitch while I take a few cleansing breaths. That's not the correct way to use the bell but I didn't know that when I bought it and I like the way I use it. The other thing sounds really corny.....but, pray or talk or whatever it is you do, to God and ask him to allow your angels to speak to you and make sense of your dreams. I'm not suggesting you ask Nathan because your emotions are too raw to allow him to speak to you in a nightmare without your own fears and sorrow taking over the dream. I know I'm weird, but I truly believe our dreams communicate with us. Most of the times our dreams are just dreams....but a good deal of the time they are exposing ourselves, working things out and sometimes they are actual communication from a higher realm. I believe yours are a product of the torture you are going through. At any rate, I will send some positive energy to you tonight. Much love, Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hotrod]

Good Morning Indigos

Trudi I agree the article made much to do about a normal event in the lives of parent and child The comment by anonymous was very to the point and said it all. I paraphrase "The loss of a child" having them live incomplete lives because of death , now that is grief" Trudi I too cannot sleep until about 2 AM each morning and surf the Internet looking !!! Usually what I find upsets me more than it helps-- that is why I have given up reading or looking for answers in others experiences. The Indigo family is where I find most comfort.

Sherry Glad the little critters are not to be seen Hope they are staying safe and that your days, with the Humming birds and garden are gentle on your heart..

Betsy I love how you decided to go to the 'Farmer's Market" Taking your, aunt, wheelchair and all. Buying great tasty morsels and a little wine was a nice way to treat yourself and everyone else. I find doing thing like that helps me have a pleasant day. Thanks for the link to the vineyard. I hope you relaxed in the backyard, with a glass of wine and your camera.

Diane, I agree with Dee, and Sus it is good that your husband is feeling his feelings It will help him process this terrible loss. I know the new grandchild is such a gift to you all , I can hear how you enjoy him

Sus hope Curtis recuperates quickly It is a difficult surgery!!!.You were talking about how our bodies "clench up" when in pain or when we anticipate pain. I would not believe it, but since Stephen's passing the Doctor tells me "My heart is Clenched and does not relax when it pumps" It maintains a tight fist and must pump faster to maintain . It is an unusual condition but not fatal . I can certainly understand why that is . I do believe my whole body was clenched for about 2 years prior to his loss.

Cheryl Great suggestion about looking for our angels and feeling the warmth thru the pain.

Carol How about that Jeter!!! Hope you and Ralph and Damon had a great weeekend

Have a gentle day Indigos

[lolynbo]

ALMOST EVERYDAY I TEXT KOURTNEY, YEST I WOKE UP AND TEXTED HER "ME MISSY U"...SOMEONE TXT BACK "I DONTMISS U".....SO I SAID "IM SORRY I WONT TXT AGAIN THIS IS MY DAUGHTERS NUMBER THAT DIED AND I TEXT HER ALMOST EVERYDAY, BUT WONT AGAIN".....

TODAY I WAKE UP TO A VOICE MAIL FROM UNKNOWN CALLER IN RUFF SCRUFF VOICE "WHO TEXT THEIR DEAD CHILD AND SAYS ME MISSY U, THATS A CROCK DONT TEXT THAT NUMBER AGAIN, NO PARENT WOULD TEXT THEIR DEAD CHILD"........

ANOTHER DAY RUINED...PPL SUCK