Loss of an Adult Child

[westleysmom]

Colleen,

The only way I made it through Westley's birthday, my first without him, was being in shock.  His funeral was two days before his birthday.  I don't know what to say other than that I'm thinking of you and your whole family and hope you find a way to make it through this day of all days, as you have before.  But I suspect that it never gets easy.  I like to think that our boys and girls, (not yet men and women to us, maybe they never would have been in our eyes!), have found each other and talk about us as we talk about them, with love and longing for the day we are all together again.  And share a big chocolate birthday cake. 

Happy Birthday Brian!

Rhonda Westley's Mom 

[lostwoher]

 Brian BrIAn BRIAN ( BRAIN )

HaPPY BirTHdaY!! xo

Thinking of you and your family today Colleen

Lynn aka Kayla's mom

[Guest]

Dan - Thank you for adding Stephanie to the memorial you and your wife created for Nick.   You are very gracious people of faith.  That became more apparent as I read through the beautiful memorial you created for your son.  Not only is it a beautiful tribute to your son, you were also thoughtful enough to make room for all of us. 

I also visited the memorial created for your nephew, Aaron.  I love the "Our Family" page of Nick, Aaron and 'Nana'. 

Wishing you blessings and peace!!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[lolynbo]

BRIAN BRIAN BRIAN BRIAN BRIAN BRIAN BRIAN BRIAN......SURROUND YOU FAMILY WITH LOVE AND PEACE TODAY...LET THEM KNOW YOUR WATCHING JUST A FLUTTER FROM A BUTTERFLY OR A RING OF A BELL....LOVE YOU SWEET BOY....

[mysonrich]

 

Brian ! aka brain

Betsy,mysonRich

 

[Guest]

Short ramble...

I find myself looking UP more often, now.  I notice the clouds more than ever before.  I see heartshapes and angel shapes in them everyday.  The same clouds that have always been there.  Probably the same shapes that were there a year ago. 

The same stars.  Except not the same stars.....for some reason, they're brighter.  There are more of them.

I've only had two dreams of Stephanie.  The second dream she wasn't even in.  Just her voice telling me to be patient with her children as if they were toddlers because that's where their maturity level stopped growing.  The first dream was/is more important....

It was the week after she died.  I was outside, standing on the red rock path in front of our house.  She stood in front of me, smiling. We were about a foot apart from each other.  My heart, my very soul, was aching to touch her, silently begging her not to go.  But, I didn't even reach for her.  I just stood there, looking at her as she looked back, smiling.  The smile never left her face as she began to ascend backwards into the sky.  The further away from me she got, the brighter she became.  Still smiling.....until the brightness overtook her countenance and I could no longer make out her form. 

Do I believe?  Today.....yes!  Well, right now.....yes.  Who knows what will try my faith as the day goes forward.  I did ask God to help me trust in Him.  Perhaps that's as dangerous as praying for patience? 

Okay.  It's a little longer (a lot longer) ramble than I originally intended.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[hotrod]

                               

             DEAR BRIAN

SMILE ON MOM AND YOUR FAMILY ON  THIS YOUR VERY SPECIAL DAY.  LET THEM FEEL YOU ARE ALWAYS NEAR

 

                 

DEAR INDIGOS  I THINK OF YOU AND ALL OUR ANGELS  EACH AND EVERY DAY.  YOU ARE ALWAYS IN MY HEART 

 

BETTY STEPHENS' MOM

[tanmanmymagicman]

jeffreymom's thanks so much......and its OK if I call myself a lame brain; just wanted to share the story. with all of you that helped me crawl out of grief each day;.....the story really touched me....I felt I could of been her;

 

it also  happens to me at times....We can never escape.......

Happy Birthday Brian :dude:

[daniellemom]

BRIAN, BRIAN, BRIAN!  Happy Birthday.

Coleen - Thinking of  you and Scott today may Brian's memories be with you all day. 

We had a blast at the beach, now we are leaving again Saturday with the whole family.  My brother, sisters and their kids and Mom and Dad.  Can't wait. 

I will try to catch up tonight on reading all the post.

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

 

[briansdad]

Happy Heavenly Birthday B-man!!!!!!!!!!

[lolynbo]

WELL WERE SUPPOSE TO HAVE COUNCELING TONIGHT...HAVENT HAD IT FOR 2 MONTHS DUE TO THE WEATHER...AND GUESS WHAT WERE IN FOR STORMS AGAIN TONIGHT...SO IDK IF WERE HAVING IT OUR NOT...

TRYING TO GET THINGS READY FOR OUR SAN ANTONIO TRIP  END OF  THE MONTH...KODY SAID HES GONNA ACT UP IN SA......HE CAN BE VERY HONERY WHEN HE WANTS....HE CAN DO WILL FERRELL TO A T OFF OF STEP BROTHERS.....OMGOSH HE IS FUNNY....

WELL YAL HAVE A BLESSED DAY..

[mpsmom]

[align=center]Happy Birthday Brian   !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![/align]

[align=center]Colleen -- sending all my love to you [/align]

[align=center]and your family on this day [/align]

[align=center]HUGS<    Marcia   Bethany's Mom Forever [/align]

[shorty16]

Thanks Indigos

Thank you so much for remembering the date my boy, Brian came into this world 19 years ago.

We all had dinner together and a birthday cake (cherry cheesecake) for Brian.  Michelle made a taco salad and scott made taco meat and sloppy joe.

Earlier, Scott and I just spent the day together.  Drove NW to the Port Washington Light House.  Shared memories.

This birthday was not near as bad as last year. 

Thanks to you all for remembering my family today!!!!

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[summergirl]

[summergirl]

HELLO DEAR INDIGOS..

MARCIA - SO WONDERFUL TO SEE BETHANYS BEAUTIFUL FACE !!

SONYA - I AM EXCITED FOR YOU TO BE GOING OFF TO THE BEACH WITH YOUR FAMILY. I TOOK YOU FOR A WALK WITH ME WHEN WE CAMPED...WE HAD A NICE TIME..

WELL IT WAS BACK TO WORK DAY AND I WAS SOOOOOOO BUSY, STILL NOT CAUGHT UP BUT THATS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU GO ON VACATION FOR A WEEK AND BESIDES I WILL NOT LET ANYONE ELSE DO MY WORK AS THEY MESS EVERYTHING UP.

IT WAS ANOTHER HOT, HUMID DAY HERE, WE HAVE NOT HAD A GOOD RAIN IN A LONG TIME..IT RAINED SATURDAY BUT NOTHING BIG...A DOWN POUR FOR ABOUT 15 MINUTES THEN SPRINKLES OFF AND ON....THINGS ARE DRY....

I AM STILL WORKING ON THE PHOTOBUCKET FOR DOWN LOADING PICS BUT IT JUST HATES ME....I FOLLOW DIRECTIONS TO THE T AND IT STILL HATES ME !!! I WILL BEAT IT SOONER OR LATER.

MISSING MY TAVIAN ALREADY BUT ALSO ENJOYING THE TIME OUT, RELAXING AND WORKING IN MY GARDEN, MANY THOUGHTS OF JESS AS I WEED. THE FISH ARE BEAUTIFUL AND ARE GETTING USED TO ME AND BARRY NOW, THEY COME TO THE SURFACE AT AROUNG 5 WHEN WE FEED THEM AND WE CAN ALMOST GET THEM TO EAT FROM OUR HANDS....I LOVE IT.

TIME TO GO TO THE INTERNET TO LOOK UP A FEW THINGS FOR JESSICA'S SITE.. ALMOST HER BIRTHDAY AND I WANT TO PRETTY UP HER SITE..

LOVE, PEACE AND STRENGTH, KATHY

[daveydow1]

HAPPY    BIRTHDAY   BRIAN !!!

Colleen---You are in my thoughts & prayers today. May your precious memories

of you son warm your heart & give you hope.

Dan---Love the "Pennies From Heaven" box. Such a nice tribute. Also,

your graphics on BI are beautiful.

Susannah---- Great pics you posted.What an inspirational and lovely dream of sweet

 Stephanie. I have not dreamed of Davey in what seems like a very long time. Who

 knows... maybe I will have a dream soon. Stephanie has lots of out angels

 around her.

Betty------HI, friend !!!   So good to see Stephen's smile, and your post.

Marcia---Also, nice to see sweet Bethany's smile.

Jenn--Jeffreysmom------Yes, I agree that it is so difficult & heartbreaking to look

at those little things belonging to your precious Jeffrey. I still have a few of Lisa's

things.......we didn't have much back then, but I saved her clothes & the few

toys she had, all these years. My husband was on strike at a GM plant at the time,

so money was tight.  Keep those little things as long as you want to keep them.

I haven't parted with Lisa's things, and probably never will.

Dee----My husband told me he saw a fox the other day...in daylight....along the

road not too far from here. Coming home a couple days ago, I was so sad to see

that little fox had been hit on the road. They are usually nocturnal...we see one

once in awhile at the woods line across the soybean field, in late evening. I picked

beets, beans, onions,  lettuce and cukes today to give to Becky.

                   Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

[ericasmom]

HI GANG,

 well Col, so glad that the day felt like a better one than last year, time does do some softening. It also is testament to the work everyone has done in the family to make sure of one another as well as finding one's own new steps.  Brian must be proud of his Family.

Trudi, so sweet, thanks so much.

Sus, photos from vacation shows the happiness of three kids who prior to this year, have had so much turmoil. Now they can trust that life can be fair and safe and happy. What a gift.

Sonya, Betty, Marcia, so good to see you all. Missing you each day.

Well Sherry, sorry about the little fox. While I walked slowly this late afternoon, slowly because my chiro worked hard on my back, so I am still moving slow but with more flexibility, anyhow, sirens. Oh no I am thinking, not another bad accident. THen I hear two shots from a gun. So I walk along and purposefully go to the site where a car is totaled but the woman is okay, I asked the officer, was anyone hurt...he pointed and said "Bambi." there in the street was a 3 point buck, dead. Shot twice in the head after colliding with a car, thankfully only going 30mph. The police said they had no choice but to put it out of misery. So sad, but boy, there are way too many deer around here in the neighborhoods. This one left the forest preserve along the train tracks munching on the prairie flowers along tracks, and entered the street until he was hit. Man, sure is scary  to see the damage and the carnage.

MY favorite show is on in 15 minutes: THE CLOSER. It is the season opener and I adore it.

see you all later,

dee

[nicksdad]

[user=39355]msnher[/user] wrote:

Dan - Thank you for adding Stephanie to the memorial you and your wife created for Nick.   You are very gracious people of faith.  That became more apparent as I read through the beautiful memorial you created for your son.  Not only is it a beautiful tribute to your son, you were also thoughtful enough to make room for all of us. 

I also visited the memorial created for your nephew, Aaron.  I love the "Our Family" page of Nick, Aaron and 'Nana'. 

Wishing you blessings and peace!!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

Susannah,

We are glad to add others to the site that is why we built it.  Anyone who's child is not on the site just let me know and it will be added with whatever pictures you would like.  Yes, the "family page" we like also. We lost Aaron a year before Nick so overall pretty "crappy" few years....

My wife really does alot on this site also: http://youngangelsin-heavensgarden.gonetoosoon.org/memorial/

Daily she adds children and switches out the main picture for each childs birthday etc. as you can see by the visits to the site and the amount of children, candles etc it keeps her busy and she has a helper in Florida.

http://www.neverlosefaith.com

[summergirl]

Dan - I visited the Never Lose Faith website you created and the tears that fall....it is beautiful. Watching the slide show of all the Angels rips the heart.  You are amazing and so is your wife...Thank you.

[lolynbo]

WELL COUNCELING WAS A BUST AGAIN TONIGHT...NO ONE COMES SAME OL 4 TO 6 PPL......CWAPPPPPPPPPPPPP...

[mikesmum]

Have had new antenna system installed to receive HD and Digital TV.  Watching something called 'baseball' with the Sox playing the Jays??????

[ericasmom]

Lorri, sorry that therapy was crappy, perhaps it is time for a new experience, a new group?

Trudi, love that you are watching something called baseball, the Sox are #1, and while they are the winning Chicago team, I am still a CUBS fan, they are the loosinest team around. Go figure.

Going to bed, hoping to wake up with my back out of pain and be able to bend down without having to hold on to something. Yikes.

Love to All,

dee

[mikesmomrs]

Trudi:  The White Sox are in Chicago and are the leading team for the American League West.  the game you saw was likely the Red Sox---they just finished playing the Jays...took two out of three games...the teams are now on break the first part of this week for the All Star Games...a game played by a team compmrised of a couple of guys voted from each team.  Winds up being the American League playing the National League...whichever team wins gets home field advantage for whatever teams go to the world series in October.  Too much information?  Sorry...got me started on one of my favorite subjects.  the next time they are on, you need to wear your Red Sox shirt...then Mal will understand! 

Betty and Marcia:  So nice to see Stephen and Bethany's smiling faces...how are you both doing?

Sherry:  So sad about your little fox...we used to have a fox that nested in my "lambs ear" plant bed at old house...it was under some shrubs so it offered some good cover.  I miss seeing the wildlife we had there.  I am jealous of your veggie pickings...  our tomatoes are coming in but far from ripening.  Cathi got cukes already in her garden, but something got to her strawberries.

Dee:  Sorry you had to hear the sirens again, so close by.  Glad you got to see your chiro and perhaps his adjustment may help...praying you are soon able to swing your hips like  a Rhumba dancer!

Lorri:  That's too bad that your counseling didn't pan out... what's happening at Kourtney's Kloset?  Do things slow down in summer?

Kim and her daughter Rachel will be coming here on Thursday...Rachel called here tonight and told her papa that she is "...so excited...we are coming on an AIRPLANE to see you and be there with you!!!"  She has flown before, but she was too young to remember.  Maybe her excitement will help to keep her mom's mind off of her own "fear of flying."  I made reservations today for the hotel near the hospital...we got the "rest easy" rate (if you have medical stuff going on at the hospital), which put us all the way down to only $100 per day...  I set it up from Monday night to Saturday morning...I can always cancel should he come home earlier (which is what we hope). 

Sarah (Mike's wife) has dropped her classes (for the time being).  She said it is having too much of an impact on Damon and he is really starting to show it...crying, acting out, etc., things he truly has never done...he's always been a really happy, pleasant little boy.  I am in agreement that her being gone so much (she only sees him in the morning on Mon, Tues, Wed and Thurs, as she gets home Mon thru Wed after he is in bed) is likely having a huge impact.  I am sad for her that she had to do this, but I admire her for putting Damon's needs first.  She has a good job now, and likes it, and makes enough to take care of them, so she feels any advancement can wait.  I agree with her.  We will miss seeing him a couple of nights a week, but we can still take him during the afternoon some days. 

Well, an early day tomorrow...errands, doctors, etc.  heading for sleep, hopefully. 

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[jefferysmommy]

Hi All,

Thanks to all of you for your warm welcome, I wish I had learned about this site years ago.

Colleen:  Glad to hear that Brian's birthday was better this year.

Tanner's Mom:  No problem, I am learning this site too, I still need to scan a pictue of Jeffery so that I can add him, may need help when I get the time to do it.

Susannah:  Hold those dreams close, it has been quite some time since I have had a vivid one of Jeffery.

Sherry:  Thank you, I won't part with Jeffery's things, when we moved to the house that we're in now 6 years ago, I couldn't find the couple of boxes that I had his stuff in and pretty much went into panic mode, my husband found one box and within the next half hour I found the other box, but just thinking that they were gone were enough to set me off.

Dee:  I'm so glad that you got in to see the chiro, keep taking it easy and hopefully you will be in much less pain today.

Dan:  I'm sorry that I have found you here, but nonetheless am grateful to you, those are such beautiful sites that you have put up, I am overwhelmed that so many of us have to go through this, the journey that no one wants to take.

Trudi:  I think I'm on my own for this one, but I am from Toronto, Ontario, Canada and so I will have to say Go Jays Go!  Though, the Red Sox are my second favourite team of all time, I love Boston.

Well, I'm off to start my work day, I just wanted to thank everyone again for being so supportive, it has been so good to let go, these past few days, I'm feeling much better about things again.

Jenn - Jeffery's Mommy

 

[westleysmom]

I've got a busy day today, have to be out of the office.  I guess that's good.  Went to bed last night crying about the events of 6 months ago last night/today.  I keep thinking I wish I could go back and we could do things differently.  Staying busy today is probably the best thing, maybe I can keep from thinking what I was doing then, where I was, who I was telling the worst news I've ever had to tell anyone.  The news I've been telling myself every minute of the last six months. 

Dee, I hope your back gets better and I'm glad to hear that the second birthday is better, Colleen, (or was it the third for you?)although since Westley's birthday is so close to his angel date, I'm afraid that may not be true in my case.  I'm so glad Jeffrey's Mommy is with us (can't remember your real name and don't have time to look up, but you know who you are!) And I've been meaning to mention to Kathy how much like Jess she looks from the side in the beach shot of her writing.  If I have the name wrong, I'm sorry, but I noticed it last weekend and never got around to saying anything. I went to the Never Lose Faith Website, thank you for that.  I'd like to add Westley's picture sometime, if I could.  I'm not very computer savvy, so somebody will have to help me. Have a good day, all and I'll do my best to. 

Rhonda Westley's Mom 

[jefferysmommy]

Rhonda:  Good to know that you will be busy today, big hugs for you and thank you for your kind words, my heart aches for you today, and I wish you peace and love as you go through your day. 

Jenn - Jeffery's Mommy

[briansdad]

I went to see this gal talk.She was awsome.

http://www.lightstreamers.com/Judy_Collier.htm

[Guest]

Rhonda - thinking of you today!

[ericasmom]

My niece Kari sent this to me today as she is feeling the deep hole of missing her Cousin Eri. Kari is in Florida, Eri and I went to visit her the year before Erica died. What a fun visit we had. Erica was so in awe of her cousin and Kari's husband Troy, and their home. She just thought, wow, that is what being an adult can be like. She was inspired.

So my back still hurts plenty but it is mending. I cannot walk fast yet, the hips are still agitated by the treatment. I am gettting there slow but sure. Thanks for the good energy sent my way.

Stay busy Rhonda, if nothing else, it lets you feel productive on days when it is hard to feel good.

Jen, so glad that you are receiving what we all get from being here.

Carol and Trud, OH THOSE SOX...

[mikesmomrs]

Rhonda:  "I keep thinking I wish I could go back and we could do things differently."  Oh, Rhonda...that is a common thought among all here...we are all keeping you company today in our thoughts...as Dee said, keeping busy, if you can, does help sometimes, especially on these "days" when dates mean more than normal days.

Dee:  glad to hear that your back is healing, though I imagine it is slow going.  Am thinking of you and sending prayers your way. 

Went to the pulmonologist today for Ralph's last check in before his surgery.  Boy, is he ever blunt and up front!  I never saw this so real as today...I am so scared.  He said that the breathing tube may have to stay in longer than 3-4 days, and if it stays in more than 10, they may have to do a tracheotomy, though that would likely be reversible once his breathing returns to normal.  He will be in ICU this whole time.  He also said that he will be sedated that whole time he is on the tube.  He also said that Ralph's current PFT (lung function test) has indicated that his COPD has gone from moderately severe to very severe...he could have left that part out for my money...but, I guess we needed to know.  I feel as though I've been told much more than I EVER wanted to know, but I also know that I needed to know.  Does that make sense?   One week from today...I think he is scheduled to report at 10 am.  Please keep him in your prayers...we truly, truly appreciate it.

love and peace to you all, carol  mikesmomrs

[briansdad]

It is one of the most beautiful compensations in life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself.

-- Ralph Waldo Emerson ]

[hotrod]

Dear Carol

I am so sorry that you are experiencing  yet another fearful and painful event in your family. I am so glad that your daughters will be there and just wanted you to know that you and Ralph are in my thoughts and prayers. Please try to Live in the Day and do this one moment at a time.

Prayers for courage, strength and healing have been requested from my prayers group as well.

Betty Stephen'smom:(  

[mikesmomrs]

Betty:  thank you so very much for your words...I hope you know how very much they do offer comfort.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[heartbeataway]

Dan,

Love the Pennies From Heaven box .... !

Colleen,

Glad that Brian's birthday was softer on your heart this year. Still hard but yet softer ...

Dee,

Read back aways but didn't see what happened to your back but, glad it's feeling better!

Carol,

Sweet Carol ..... you and Ralph have my prayers for strength and healing. Love!

Greg,

How was the gathering in AR?  We had a wonderful time in New York but thought about you guys.

Love for the journey,

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[westleysmom]

Susannah and Jenn-How can it be that the only people I can bring myself to talk to about special dates like this I haven't even met?  Maybe its because I know your hearts are broken already with your own terrible losses and I won't scare you off with my grief.  Whatever the reason, thank you and all BI friends for being here for me.

Carol-When my husband has had serious sinus surgeries (although nothing as serious as Ralph's) I always try to think that if we didn't trust the surgeon, we shouldn't agree to the surgery, and if we do, we should trust him (her) and God to bring him through.  I'll be thinking of you and Ralph and your painfully honest surgeon.

Dee-Remember the movie City of Angels that the song in the video is from?  I haven't watched since January, but at the end Nicholas Cage says he wouldn't trade one moment of being with Meg Ryan for eternity without her.  Or something like that.  I guess that's how we feel, too, but oh, isn't eternity getting longer and longer? 

Thanks all for support and thinking of you all too.

Rhonda Westley's Mom

[daveydow1]

Carol----How very sweet---a little fox nesting in the lamb's ear at your

other place. She sure knew how to pick a soft place. Thanks for your kind words

 about 'our' little fox. Keeping you, Ralph, and your family in thoughts & prayers,

 friend.

Rhonda----Oh, the 6 mo. mark is such a painful mark on this road we find

ourselves on. May your memories of dear Westley warm your heart.

Jenn---So glad that you were able to find the boxes containing sweet little

Jeffrey's things. Glad that it did not take a long time to locate them. Losing them

would be particularly distressing and sad. After all, these tiny things are all

we have of our sweet babes who were here to bless our lives for such a

short time. I still have Lisa's little size "0"  black patent shoes, little dresses,

and a few toys. I will always hold them dear, just as you will hold Jeffrey's

belongings near to your heart, along with all the memories. These little ones,

however short their time with us, leaves memories that will be with us always.

Peace to you, friend.

Dee----Hope your back feels better each passing day. Sorry to hear of the

deer being hit. Yes, there are so many many deer.....everywhere.....in the

countrysides, towns, villages, and cities of all sizes. It is inevitable that they

will be hit by cars, I guess. We see the doe who has two fawns out across the

soybean fields. They bound off into the woods when they spot us. They have

been helping themselves to corn back at the end of the field next to the woods.

Take it easy....so your back gets better.

       PEACE &  TRANQUILITY TO ALL IN THE BI  FAMILY.

              Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

[summergirl]

Hello dear indigo's -

Rhonda - thank you so much that you think my Jessica looks like me from the pic I posted of me on the beach...I have never thought so but it lifts my heart to think someone else thinks she does.    I feel your pain as you talk of the remembering of "that night/day" when we were delivered the news and then had to deliver the news to family and friends...the worst night/day of my life.  In our case most everyone knew without us telling them as the police and ambulance crew were all our friends so the word traveled very quickly. My niece in California called me at 3 in the morning to ask me "is it true" - a friend of her's had called her about Jess so she called us not believing it..she had her mom (my sister) on 3-way and all I remember is screaming yes, yes, my baby is gone. There were so many people at our house I do not remember many of them but do remember when Jessica's best friend Ashley walked in - I started screaming at her "I couldn't find you, where were you, Jessica is gone and I needed you" - the poor thing was in shock and I didn't help much but she just held me and we cried together.  It is strange the things you can and cannot remember as time goes by....I remember everything about Jessica from the time she was born but memories of her passing and the following 6 months are a blur to me still....I too spent many nights wondering what I could have done to save her, why my daughter, I asked WHY so many times and no answers still - I have come to accept that there is nothing any of us could have done to change the outcome...it was Jessica's time and although I want her back more than anything, I would change places with her in a second I know that is not to be.  Time my friend, time is the only thing that will soften the pain.  I am so glad you have found us and you are comfortable here.....the place we love to be but hate the reason why.

Dee - sure hope the back gets better soon...last night I decided to remove a buch of beach rocks -  I had made a rock garden and they were beginning to sink and get real nasty looking so I began - after moving 726 (yes I counted them) beach rocks my back was not happy with me but thank goodness nothing a hot shower didn't take care of...NO bending over !!  Go buy yourself one of those picker-upper thingy's, you know the one that has a squeeze long handle with a pincher on the end for picking things up when you can't bend over - Tavian has one and I use it when he drops things behind his bed   Hope you got all that !!!!

Carol - I feel your fear in your posts and I am praying hard for Ralph and you...the fear we have is much more intense when we have already suffered the loss we all have...not that we do not have the fear anyway, it is just magnified a hundred times over or at least it feels that way to me.....I want your Ralph to be around for you and himself for a long time so extra prayers being said my friend...

RAIN today - oh boy did we need it....every thing was drying up so badly..still hot and humid but I can deal.

To all indigo's - always in my heart.   Peace, love and strength, Kathy

PS: still fighting with photo bucket to share pics - I will beat it !!! 

[ericasmom]

So many wise and heart-wrenching adn heart-healing words here tonight. I am filled by all the ways we come together here bringing our day with its worries, its hope, its faith, its anger, and all else, and we share it, hash it out, bring it to the light of this place to examine it, see it for what it is in this moment. This moment is so very important. Living in this moment, this day.

Carol, prayers and deep faith as you and Ralph and your Daughters and Grandies take this next step. I wish I could be there with you in person, but we all will sit with you in the waiting room, knitting our brow with you.

Greg, such a wonderful quote,I have not had a moment enough to view the site you sent, but will tonight. I am off to a softball playoff game for my Son's team, he and his cousins and friends. My sisters and one niece are also coming.   Dan, love the pennies from heaven box. Perfect.

[lolynbo]

GEEEZZZ WELL KIMBERLY IS IN ARKANSA WORKIN AND SHE WAS SICKWITH FEVER AND THEY WOULDNT LET HER FLY SO SHE DROVE HOME....ON THE WAS IN HER RENTAL SHE WAS RAN OFF THE ROAD BY A SEMI DRIVER AND THE RENTAL IS TOTALLED LUCKILY SHE IS OK....THE SEMI DRIVER DIDNT STOP AND ONLY  ONE WITNESS DID STOP...BUT THE CHANCES OF THE HWP CATCHEN THEM IS SLIM.....

GEEZ SO 2 KIDS IN A WRECK IN LESS THEN ONE WK IS ENOUGH FOR ME...

ODD THING IS , THE ACCIDENT HAPPENED OVER BY GORE OKLAHOMA...WHICH IS WITH IN THE AREA WE WERE WITH KOURTNEY IN THE NURSING HOME...AND JUST NOT TO FAR FROM THE HOSP KOURTNEY DIED....

GUESS OUR ANGELS WAS WATCHING OUT FOR OUR KIDS ONCE AGAIN...

[Guest]

Good gravey, Lorri!!  I don't know how much more my nerves can take with your kids behind the wheel!  Teasing, of course!  I'm so glad Kimmy is okay...as I'm grateful Kody is too.  Are you?  Okay...I mean?

Rhonda - I agree with you on why we can talk to each other here, but not others closer to us.  I can talk to one of my sisters (there were five of us girls) because she lost two sons and a husband and, unfortunately, I have a few face to face friends who have been there, too.  Here, however, we are free to "talk" without interuption or trying to read the  expression on the listerner's face.  I kept a journal for the first six months after Stephanie died.  I still write, but not as often as I did those first months.  Last night I read what I had written during those six months.  The desperation I felt to try to figure it all out...try to understand...borders close on insanity.  My emotions changed within minutes of each other.  One moment I was fine and the next I was screaming.  One day I would be trusting "God" and in divine intervention and the next I would be looking at the sky yelling, "What the f***!?"  Sometimes it was within seconds.  "Thy will be done."  "What the F!?" 

Some of my journal entries even made me laugh as I read them.  I wrote about fights that hadn't happened but might happen and then never happened.  A few months after Steph died I finally went to the doctor to get some help and they found a lump on my thyroid and a lump on my ovary.  The night they found it I journaled to God, "What else you got!?"  Bring it on....   The next journal entry was me making plans for my grandkids (Stephanie's children) due to my upcoming death.  I wrote out exactly what I wanted to happen with them...who would get them.  I wrote out my funeral and how I wanted it so my husband wouldn't have to worry.  I wrote him a goodbye letter of how much I loved him and I would watch over him and blah blah blah.

My next journal entry simply stated..."I'm not dying.  I'm sort of embarrassed."

I'm sure I'm still nuts, but I've come an awful long way in the last few months.  I still grieve, but it's different.  There are times it is just as painful, but it doesn't last as long.  However, I haven't walked through the first year anniversary, yet.  The six month mark was a killer.  Her birthday was worse.  But, something tells me the angelversary will be softer.  You guys will be the first to know, I'm sure!

Anyway, I'm rambling. 

Just going down memory lane of grief. 

Peace.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[4everjoeysmom]

Carol, My prayers for you and Ralph, and your family are without ceasing.... HUGS!!! xoxoxo

[mysonrich]

Hi everyone, just stopping in to say "hi". I was at work last week thinking to myself and shaking my head at a co-worker, " why do people come to work when they are so sick"( I know , money) anyway, 3 days later I am out of it.I thought I was ok this morning then , I stood up! awful virus.

Carol, I signed on today and read of you and Ralph. It was 2008 and you two were unpacking. I keep you both in prayer and mind.

going through 'things" . Found Sarah’s tee-shirt," I'm the big sister". Her dad bought that for her when Rich was born. Found Richs little sweater/jacket. Still has a spot of chocolate mike on it. Could never get that out.

Dee, in 2008 you were writing about Jon and Michael.it was right before Christmas. I think that was about the time that you all found out he was very sick.

Sus, looks like you all had a great time.

Betty, good to see you.

maryAnn is MIA, Hope she is ok.

Nick, was back home a couple months ago and went to visit family, the heavenly kind. i came upon a memorial site that made me stop and think of you and nick. very well taken care of. Looked as if someone did their own mowning, they had a bench, the boy wore the same colors of Rich and Sarah’s high school. Anyway, I didn't even touch the grass with my little toe.

lorri, makes me wonder how people can take things from your girl. or did they put them back last time? Bubble wrap for your kids, keep them safe while driving. kathy,Greg,Colleen. lots going on in your lives I see.Sherry, garden sounds delious.

new people, sorry you are here but its good that your found your way.

my kitchen after cleaning out a very large closet..makes me think of Bob Seger

Deadlines and commitments, What to leave in, what to leave out ( of boxes)

Good night all still feel like poop.

Betsy,myson,Rich

[briansdad]

My favorite

[briansdad]

I love this one as well it touches my heart.

[briansdad]

I was here for a short time

[briansdad]

And this song seemed to play alot right after Brian died.

[nicksdad]

Dee & John.....Thinking of you both today....I know all our children are together

and I have a feeling Nick would be first in line to give Erica a big hug

[hotrod]

 

 

               Remembering Sweet Erica on this 

                        Her  Angel Day

                              

Dee holding warm gentle thoughts of you

Dan your tribute to Erica was so very special

Betty

Stephen'smom:X 

[ericasmom]

HI All,

I came home from Jon's softball game after hanging out with he and his girlfriend, his cousins and friends and my sisters and two nieces as well as Xavier and Nayeli, great niece and nephew. Balm for my aching heart and ERi was surely there at the game. There was Jon up to bat and a big pink cloud, the lone cloud in the sky, pink as cotton candy hanging out over the field her brother played in. Thanks  Bing, for letting me know, us know of your constant love.

I don't think there could of been a better way to spend this evening but with family and friends joined in summer pleasures. I came home to this place, my other best home at BI and there you were, with wishes and prayer for ERica Eileen Reith as we find ourselves on the eve of the 7th year of her leaving. Hard as hell to understand, but here we are anyway. Dan, what a beautiful tribute, thanks so much. I love seeing Eri as flower.

Betty, your lovely words, your lovely heart, holding us. A butterfly landed on me today, so how nice to see the butterflies. Thanks.

Lorri, give Kim a big hug from me and let her know that we are filled with relief at her being okay after a scary accident.

My heart to you Each.

love,

dee

[mikesmum]

Mother of Bing, Tink, Eri and even Erica Eileen Reith....gentle soul who nutures those who find themselves here even though she herself is on her own journey........

So glad your girl sent you the pink splash across the sky, glad you honored your baby by being in the moment with those who know her....

Seven years, a blink, a heartbeat, how do we go on......

Hearts to you Dee, John & Jon......