Loss of an Adult Child

[hotsauce]

Bonnie, thank you so much for the offer on the sky latern.  i would like to send one to Brian around the hoildays. 

Dan you are so talented with the computer, do you charged much on classes?

mary ann

[daniellemom]

Greg & Mrs. Greg = May your memories of “B”rian be with you and your family today. May you sense his presence with your whole family.

Dale – My thoughts and prayers are with you today and tomorrow. May Avery’s presence be with you and his whole family. Please give his sister a hug from me.

Lorri – My prayers are with you and your mother as you wait to hear from the doctor.

Hollie’s Mom – Sorry about your Mom and you not talking. But I understand completely why you do not have the energy for such things. Your son is dealing with Hollie’s passing the only way he know how to. Danielle had a little brother, James they were close but everyone know how all brothers and sisters fight like cats and dogs but when it comes down to it they would do anything for one another. This is hard on your son and daughter who are still here and having to deal with this grief. They are thinking of you and trying to help you and their Dad. After a while my kids starting talking about Danielle but I had to start laughing about things Danielle did and said before they started feeling like they could say something without me crying.

Terrie – The energy will come back to talk to people. I think sometimes the mask we all wear is just to heavy and we feel better about just not talking. I started talking about Danielle to people in general conversations, and that has helped me to become more of the old Sonya that talked all the time to everyone. I tell my Mom about everything that goes on with BI and she asks how everyone is doing on the site, she normally asks by the child’s name. But Adam is known as that beautiful Red head, Adam. He will never be forgotten.

Talk to you all later, My prayers are with each and every one of you today and everyday!

Love to all

Sonya (Danielle’s Mom)

[mikesmum]

Greg - Five years encompassed in a heartbeat, a blink of an eye.  I love the picture.  You certainly honour your boy everyday, in every way. 

Brian, you must be so proud to know just how loved you are.  Your parents continue their lives in your memory.  Your baby girl their connection to you will always know you through the trips, the hugs and the stories of her daddy.

Dale - Another young man so loved, so missed.  Your tributes reflect this so much. 

Avery, an individual with so much life in him.  You are certainly not lost to your family and each day live within their hearts as vibrant as reflected in the videos and album.  Fly free with those who went before.....

'Say their names, here and everywhere, they are never forgotten, the love never dies and they live on forever in our hearts and minds'.

[mikesmomrs]

Greg:  thinking of you and your family; you know that Brian is so very proud of all you've done and continue to do for others, even us here.

Dale:  Sending thoughts of peace to you and your family, Avery is a spirit to deal with, isn't he...give his twin sister hugs from us...I know it must be hard for her...

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

 

[hotrod]

Hi Everyone

 

I find it very difficult to summarize an individual  message to each person  because I  am always fearful of leaving  some out.   After reading many of your messages I felt I should share a little and if I leave someone out please forgive me.

 

 Bonnie:  My last visit to the Cardiologist had him telling me that I too had a Silent Heart attack over the past year.  It is very frightening to hear.  The Doctor was very casual about the whole matter and said that there  was no damage and all I had to do was take a coated aspirin each day.    Until your husband's insurance rolls over it might be a good idea for him to do likewise.  I would check with his PCP.

 

Terrie:  My family was very small as well and identify with your feelings.   I have distanced myself from my family as well but lately when I do join them for any event I find they do mention Stephen and tell a funny story about him and we all laugh.  It feels good and I hope I can let them in to my life a little more each  holiday.  I really think coming here has helped me  to reach out more.

 

Lorrie, Dee, Trudi   and All who shared with such heartfelt  conviction that our babies are in a better place   Thank You 

 

I am a very private person and  have never shared this with anyone about Stephen's passing so here goes:.  

 

When I went to Stephen's room on that morning I was struck by the bright light in his room and the wonderful happy smile on his face. 

The warm feeling in the room was awesome.   I thought:

 

 "Wow I am so glad he looks so happy and rested.  This may be the turning point!!!"  A moment later I knew he was gone but the warmth and light remained for hours until the police left and I was alone.

 

I know all our children are happy and in a better place.  I feel honored to come here and meet these beautiful children and all of you.

 

I just miss him

Betty

Stephen's mom

 

[mpsmom]

Greg, you do so much for us all here, we all appreciate your input, help and gerat advice -- Thank you !!

I hope and wish that today was a day of peaceful memories that brought smiles to you and your family.  I absolutely love the picture of Brian stopping by to see the roadside memorial .... Brian -- you have the best parents who honor you every day of their lives, and the most precious little girl.

Hugs to your family , Marcia      Bethany's Mom Forever

[nicksdad]

Mary Ann....If you or "anyone" ever needs any help or classes on anything with their computer feel free to let me know and i'd be happy to help. I can connect to anyones computer remotely and can call you and walk you thru whatever it is you are having difficulty with. Of course there would NOT be a charge.

Bonnie...I actually have not even started on the flag..work schedule...store...etc...but told the wife tonight I have to get hot on it. But, really gonna have to read thru the post again because I actually have no idea what to do..haha

I'm thinking a flag like you say but no idea how to get a pic on it. How's that for a computer person..haha

Betty...thank you for sharing that about Stephen...Hearing things like that makes me feel good inside.

[mpsmom]

Dan, I am without my computer for a week or so, ( crashed the hard drive) so my postings are short and sweet, but I wanted to tell you how beautiful the fall decorations looked at Nick's memorial site..........so peaceful and so beautiful.

XOXO< Marcia     Bethany's Mom Forever

[arc4ever]

Betty,

thank you for sharing our Stephen and the brightness and his smile. 

Yes, we know our children are in a wonderful place and you said it perfectly, we just miss them.

Love, Terrie (adam's mom)

[ericasmom]

Betty, I am glad that you were in the presence of the glow, the magical moments that our Kids are hovering before they leave this place, they leave the broken parts and find heaven. I do believe they are all in a Grand Place, that they are sure of where they are and who they are with. I do believe that they know of our pain but urge us in small ways, pennies or coins, a butterfly swishing past our face, a song at the very moment that you felt tears, all the little nuances that others may say are coincidences, are the small ways of our Angels. If things were reversed, we too would try to leave messages of some sort to urge our Loves on, to know that we are fine and that we want them to go forward.

Terrie, I also believe that as you find some sort of place for some of your pain, that you will be more able to reach out again, but you have been changed, and some of why we isolate or don't make the effort that we used to make, is due to those changes. WE are not comfortable with ourselves for some time, why would anyone else be? Also, it takes effort to present oneself to those who knew us so well. We really do not want to hear how we need to move on, nor do we want to make small talk. It is a hot-mess sometimes when we force ourselves into these situations, but we find our way, We do. We really just need to take our time, to do this on our own schedule. So much control has been taken, we sometimes just need to control one little thing or two. Be kind to yourself, listen to your heart, in there beats that lovely Son Adam.

Dale, the memorial withthe photos and words from friends adn family was amazing. The music from both were great. I loved  these ways that you honor your Avery. Avery Avery, beautiful Boy.

Prayers for those in the wake of the tsunamis and earthaquakes.

dee

[summergirl]

BRIAN, BRIAN, BRIAN

AVERY, AVERY, AVERY

I SAY YOUR NAMES ON THIS DATE, I SAY YOUR NAMES EVERY DAY.

YOUR LOVED ONES SAY YOUR NAMES OUT LOUD, IN THEIR HEARTS, THEIR MINDS, THEY SEE YOUR FACE IN EVERYTHING THEY DO, REMEMBERING,  ALWAYS REMEMBERING.    FLY HIGH, SHINE BRIGHT, YOU ARE LOVED.

 

 

[summergirl]

To all, I am sorry that I have not been able to catch up on the last 3 pages of posts, rough night with Tavian tonight, totally out of control, alot of anger directed at me. I did everything I could think of but nothing I did was right so I finally resorted to "tough love" - so very hard to do that too a 7 year old but his behavior tonight was just unacceptable. He is sleeping soundly now after a spanking, tears and then hugs and I love you's.    Now I am feeling the guilt of having spanked him, never was one for that so now I keep asking myself if I could have diffused the situation in a different way. I guess I am asking for your help ??

No problem about the "sky lights", I am going to buy some as I want to have them on hand so I will by some extra's and if anyone needs one just let me know.

My flag will hopefully be completed this weekend. It is so bittersweet making it but the love the 3 of us are putting into it is amazing.

Will catch up with all tomorrow. Much love and peace to all, Kathy

[hotsauce]

Jessica,

when Brian was younger, time out worked, taking special toys away from him. but the one i like that worked was i would get him in my arms and hold him tight, tell him i loved him and ask him why he was doing what ever it was to upset him.  why was he acting the way he was. 

sometimes it was hard to hold him down, but when he did stop fighting it there was no guilt to feel, we both walked away laughing, crying, getting many hugs and kissed.

you have to be able to hold him, my son was very strong, so many times i did walk away tired and bursed, and i would give the world away if i could only hold him now.

good luck

mary ann

 

[hotsauce]

Marcia, it was so good to see you post, i was starting to worry about you and missed seeing Bethany's picture.  then i remember you said you were having trouble with the computer.

i hope you get all the important things back that you need. 

thinking of you

mary ann

[mikesmum]

You guys must be up early.....or am I just up late..........????

[briansdad]

FYI

Memories and the Passage of Time

By Bob Baugher, PhD

 

“How long has it been? Bereaved parents are often asked this question. I ask it of you, “How long has it been?” Now answer this question: “How long does it feel like it’s been?” A common answer is, “On one hand it feels like yesterday. On the other, it feels like a long time ago.” Why do we experience our lives like this? How can something five or ten years ago feel recent and something that occurred last week feel forever ago? Let’s look at the concept of time and try to make some sense of it, with the added bonus that we can gain some insight into our own bereavement process.

 

Scientists tell us that time can be measured in two ways. One is by a unit of measurement such as seconds, days, years. For example, how old are you? Virtually everybody answers this question in years. But, did you ever consider how many days old you are? Parents whose child died at less than one month focus on their child’s age in terms of days or weeks of life. If you are near the age of 27 years you have lived approximately 10,000 days. If you just turned 41, you are nearing 15,000 days. How many of those days in your life do you remember? If you consider life in terms of seconds, the average American lives about two billion seconds (75 years). For many bereaved parents, one of the long term sources of grief is the fact that their child was cheated or deprived of years and decades of living.

 

Another way to measure time is by events. How many events of your child’s life do you remember? How vivid are they? What are the triggers of these memories? As the months and years pass, many parents fear forgetting events in their child’s life.

 

I have a suggestion to help you call up positive memories of your child whenever you wish. First, take out a pen and paper and write every memory that immediately comes to mind. Don’t worry about details for now. Just write. Next, find a label for each of the memories. For example, a mother whose seven year old daughter died writes out on paper four memories that immediately come to mind: her daughter’s first day of school; hunting for Easter eggs in her new dress; riding her bike on her sixth birthday; and sand castles they built on their trip to the ocean. She creates the following labels: First Day at School; Easter Dress; New Bike; Sand Castles. And then she writes them in any order she wishes. Next, go through each memory and create as much detail as possible for each memory. Describe the setting, what was said, colors, temperature, smells, sounds, touches. Make a story out of the event. Next, assign a number to each label. For the woman above, she would say, “1=First Day at school, 2=Easter Dress, and so on. Then she would practice saying a number and immediately bring up the full memory of the event. Practicing this for a few days can create a very powerful list of quite wonderful memories that you can access at will. The list can be carried on a 3”x5” card for easy referral.

 

Picture a father standing in line at the grocery store. His 15 year-old son died two years ago and he has recently put together a list of ten of his favorite memories, numbered 1-10. As he stands in line, he says to himself, “I’m going to think about number five for a few seconds.” He has previously associated this number with the time he and his son took windsurfing lessons at the lake. He sees his son being shown the fundamentals by the instructor, practicing on land, bending his knees, shifting his weight, getting into the water, climbing on the board, and attempting to stand. He smiles as he sees both his son and himself fall off the board again and again. He nods as he next has a beautiful scene in his mind of his son proudly standing and gliding across the water with the sun and blue sky in the background. He reaches the check stand, pays his bill and walks out of the store somewhat comforted by a memory he knows he can bring up whenever he wants.

 

Give this technique a try, but be careful not to get upset if you don’t have crystal clear memories. Think of a time in your child’s life and use the steps above to create your story from the memories you have.

 

Our brain functions in such a way that we are aware of the passage of time and we understand that some memories are “older” and more distant than others. However, if we practice on bringing up memories from time to time, we can reinforce the images and transcend the time gap between then and now. Of course, focusing exclusively on the past and ignoring the present is not healthy. But, as you know, memories are all you have. Why not use them

[daveydow1]

Dale----Sending thoughts & prayers to you on AVERY'S ANGEL DAY.

May his sweet smile shine down on you and your family, and may

your wonderful memories warm your hearts.

      Daveysmom,  Sherry

[daveydow1]

Greg---Many prayers for you & your family on dear BRIAN'S ANGEL DAY.

I know he will always be in your hearts, and your love for him, and his

for you will live on forever. Peace to you, friend.

    Daveysmom, Sherry 

[daveydow1]

Kathy----I think that you show a lot of wisdom in your care & nurturing of

Tavian. Children can (and do) lash out when they are angry, for many

reasons, and parents understand that. But, as with anything else, there

has to be limits, and Tavian got to that limit in his behaviour. You have

shown so much patience, and love for him, and he knows this. I think

that you handled the situation correctly. As sweet and darling as Tav is,

and so precious to you;  you felt that he needed to be corrected. As it ended up,

with tears, hugs, and 'I love you', it shows that Tav knows he was wrong,

and even at the tender age of 7......the correction needed to be done. You

handled the situation just right....(my opinion). Take care, and peace to you.

     Daveysmom, Sherry  

[hotsauce]

Greg,

thank you for sharing that infor with us, it all makes perfect sense

mary ann

[cameronsmom1]

Sorry I haven't posted in a while, I have still been reading just really busy with work and school. Tomorrow is my last day working here and I go to the school-to-work program monday!! I had a rough morning for some reason, I can't remember anything I dreamed about but as I was getting ready something just came over me and I broke down. All I could think about was when we were at the funeral home and I had to leave the room because I couldn't handle watching them close the casket. I didn't want to have anything to do with it and it was too hard to watch them close up my baby. I have been like an emotional roller coaster lately since I only have 8 weeks left. Some days i'm hopeful and some i am scared to death. I'm just ready to be at that point so that it will be over and I will be holding my son. I'm ready to start my non-stress tests and biophysical profiles so that I can be reassured that everything is going great. I start that in 2 weeks so it will be here before I know it. I wish I could reply to every post but it is so hard to keep up. Just know that I am reading and thinking of you all everyday.

Amanda

[shorty16]

Greg

What a beautiful post.  Even though I treasure my memories of my Brian, it is so sad to sit and write them.

I will sure give it a try.

Thanks

Colleen

[shorty16]

Kathy

So sorry to hear about Tavian troubles.  All kids do that.  Your role may be even tougher, because Tavian goes to his other Grandma and does not have homework, regular chores, etc.  That is a fun-vacation time.  You seem to have the school time.  Homework, social situation, bed-times, etc.

I really liked Mary Ann's suggestion of hugging them and saying I just love you.

I am praying wisdom in this situation - no one answer.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[shorty16]

Brian, Brian , Brian

Avery, Avery, Avery

I was not able to log on yesterday.  I am saying their names today

Colleen

[ericasmom]

Hi All, what a busy time, my goodness, it is 4:04 (Eri and the 4's) and I am just sitting at the computer for the first time since I arrived here at 7:20. What a day.

May this October day somehow be blessed Dale, with the feeling and songs that are Avery.

Kathy, Mary Ann says it all, sometimes the best thing is to say I love you while holding them. You can add that no matter how angry you may be right now, I will still love you. Your anger won't make me leave or stop loving you.

Greg, I just copied that piece you sent, it is great, and I will use it. Thanks.

It is rainy adn very dark today, but I am filled somehow by the sense of doing good things in the day that fuel me. I love what I do, teaching, and so I am very lucky.

Today marks six months since Michael died. I have tried calling Jonathan and have not heard from him. I sure hope he is okay. I know he aches.

Blessings one and all,

dee

[bjsmom]

Hello to all! So many postings that i fall behind. I have to say 2 names,

[align=center]"Brian & Avery", "Avery & Brian"

you are remembered, you are loved.

[align=left]

Deneace(BjsMom)

[/align][/align]

[mikesmum]

Greg - Finding the clearing in the fog to begin this new process of memories.

My first attempt at aligning  numbers that hit me.......

18 Mikes age when he partnered a young girl at the high school deb.

1 Mikes first birthday - This is my dad with Mike his first grandbaby.  They were buds from day one.....

Its true, these memories associated with dates and numbers really bring back smiles.

[daveydow1]

TRUDI,-----Your Mike is such a handsome guy. Yes, we have many,

many memories to draw from, don't we. Cute pic also of Mike and

his grandpa on Mike's first birthday.  Peace to you.

Greg-----Thanks for the nice writing you posted. It is full of wisdom

and common sense.

    Daveysmom, Sherry

[summergirl]

Greg - what a wonderful idea, I have printed it so I can remember it. I write in my journal but this sounds like something I would really like to do.

Maryann - thank you - I remember when Tavian was in therapy a month or so after Jessica left. The therapist, Tavian and I were in the room together and Tavian went into a meltdown, screaming, kicking and hitting out at me, I remember being so shocked and the therapist told me to grab hold of him and hold him tight, hugging him and repeating "everything is ok, I love you" over and over until he calmed down. It was so hard for me at that time and I cannot believe I had forgotten those sessions. Thank you for reminding me - yes, Tavian is a big boy for 7 years old, the top of his head reaches my chin!! so, I am sure I will come away with bruises but it will have been worth it.     I know that he is lashing out at me in anger but as Sherry said "correction needs to be done", I just want it to be the right way. 

I had an idea and so I will throw it out there and see what you guys think - One night last week while Tavian and I were lying together (he still will not go to sleep by himself) I thought he was asleep and I had a bit of a meltdown - well, he wasn't sleeping and he turned to me and said "why are you crying??" in an angry tone, I replied "I was just missing your mom" - he then asked to hold my two fingers on my left hand (that is how he falls asleep sometimes) but this time he squeezed them very hard and I said "Tavian that really hurt mi-mi" - his replay was "well, now you won't cry, instead you can be mad at me for hurting you"!!!!!  I just really did not know what to say so I just looked at him and he turned away and was asleep withing minutes.   Sooooooo - do you think that maybe he makes me angry on purpose because he thinks then I won't cry or be sad ??? Does this make sense???

Amanda - I am sorry that you are feeling so anxious and I can understand why - but I just know in my heart that all is going to be fine and before you know it that beautiful baby boy will be in your arms and you will be posting pics of him. Stay positive my friend and we are all here for you whenever you need us.

Tavian is at Grandma's this weekend - he was kind of excited about going because they are going to do some fun things. Barry is at appointments about 30 miles away so won't be home till late so here I am all by myself. It is so quiet, peaceful and I should be enjoying my time but I miss them both !!!

Getting colder here but they are saying a warm up for next week - sure hope so as we are going on our last camping trip of the year on Wednesday through Sunday. We are camping about 35 miles from here and have water and electric hook-up so that will be nice. We plan on taking Tavina go-cart riding, apple and pumpkin picking and maybe the aquarium while there. Looking forward to it - so hopefully the weather wiil cooperate.

Dee - I hope you have heard from Jon by now, I am sure you are anxious. I am having a hard time believing it has been 6 months all ready, I am so sorry. Thoughts and prayers with you my friend.

Peaceful dreams and restful sleep, Kathy

[heartbeataway]

Greg,

Great exercise!  Thank you for sharing.

Kathy,

Love!  Holding Tavian in love. What more can you do?  Don't doubt your actions when you know in your heart that what you do, you do in love.

Trudi,

Handsome at 18, adorable at 1 ....... that's your baby!

Amanda,

Hope tomorrow is less anxious for you.

Dee,

Remind me of the 4's and the connection to Eri.  I know you've posted about it but I just don't remember.  It's that itty bitty brain of mine ........

We had a disappointment today. Our Project Manager picked up the plans for the Pavillion and we drove out to The Cove to meet.

Well, to our surprise, they want to build it themselves.  It was weird!  I knew when we left there, that there would not be a pavillion built in Jason's memory.  We will not pay them to build it.  We have the company that Jason built that could do an excellent job and we are more than willing to pay.  But, we will not give them money to do it!

They don't like to involve building permits and/or inspections.  They started a cabin and when the county found out, they shut it down and wouldn't allow completion because they wouldn't get a permit.  They are not carpenters and they're work is not polished or professional. I don't want a structure in Jay's memory that is not professional.

So, I honestly don't think it will happen. I don't believe there will be a pavillion in Jay's memory.

The plans are great!  It would have been a beautiful structure!  ANOTHER disappointment.

I wish each and every one of you sleep ........

Love!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[lolynbo]

SORRY SO LONG TO LET YAL KNOW....MOMS BLOOD WORK WAS FIRN HER TRIGLYSERIDES (SP) WERE LIL HIGH...BUT CAN BE HANDLED BY DIET..SO THANK YOU GOD

[mikesmomrs]

Greg:  I too will try your memory exercisse....I have not entered anything on Mike's website for some time, other than on the guestbook, and I need to do some updating.  I am hoping that this will eventually be a record for his kids of their dad's life when they didn't know him...especially important for his now 4 1/2 year old, who was only 1 1/2 yrs old when Mike was no longer here to hold his little cutie.    thanks so much for your posts and the time you take to be part of this site. 

these pics are of the last time that Mike stood and held Damon independently, tho' even here, I was bent over holding Damon up from under his butt, because Mike was a little shaky... by this time, most of Mike's holding Damon was done with Mike sitting down. 

these are "bittersweet" pics to say the least; I have not been able to look at these without tears in my heart...perhaps some day I will...

Dee:  I am so glad that you really enjoy being a teacher--that alone shows that you are a very good teacher....your "charges" are blessed...

Kathy:  So very sorry that you had a rough day with Tavian yesterday; I hope so that things went better today.  I don't think that you need to worry about how you are handling these times of rebellion and anger from Tavian...I think you are doing just fine.  The discipline, even though it hurts so to dole it out, is so very necessary for them to grow into people that others like to have around.  "As for the making you mad so you won't cry," that truly sounds plausible.  I would at least consider it as a possibility. 

Trudi:  the pics of Mike...so handsome, and I love the one with your dad...cute as can be.  I am sorry you are having flood times now...it just never seems to balance out does it...

Bonnie:  Oh, man, I can feel your disappoint all the way to New England...what a shame...they just don't seem to be easy people to deal with, but as hard as it is now, perhaps it's for the best...likely it would have turned into a nightmare, which you surely don't need.  Perhaps you could look for someplace in town (I know it won't be on the mountain and won't have as much meaning for you), and could build something for others to enjoy.  I think you should at least look into it, though I am sure it will likely be best for you to work your way through this disappointment first.  Knowing your character and your spirit (Not to mention your love for and desire to honor Jason), I know this won't totally dampen the Pinnacle Days...they will go on, Jay will be remembered by many, and the honor will still be there.  Sending prayers for strength to climb yet another hurdle...

Amanda:  I think it's perfectly normal for you to feel the way you do, and even if you don't want to feel that way, I think it would be kind of hard to hold those feelings at bay.  I hope you are able to relax enough to enjoy these last weeks...

Lorri:  I am very happy to hear that your mom is okay...I know that it eases your mind some...

This has been a lazy kind of day...in and out sun, clouds, rain on its way...it began with us having to call the gas company to relight the pilot light on the furnace....brrrrrr...the whole house was cold, even to the touch...the top of my computer desk was even cold.  I had a huge serving of Maple and brown sugar oatmeal to warm myself up.  Am making my daughter's chicken soup tomorrow, though no matter what I do, it never tastes as good as hers...I think it's the old "someone else did the work, so it tastes better" syndrome...lol!

I am trying to get the garden that I started by the house for Mike finished before his angelversary this month...I have a couple more plants to put in, and I need to figure out a way to set his birch tree cross into it and make it look okay.  We had a birch tree twig cross made for the boys to present at Mike's memorial service, and it was decorated with flowers.  After the service, the boys wanted to bring it home to my house, and we wound up putting it up on the oak tree in front of our house.  When we moved here, the trees in our front yard are too close to the street, so I am making a garden by the side of the house, and the cross will be put there.  We usually decorate it seasonally; Valentine's day there was heart on it, etc.  So, I have been anxious to have it all together, and set this angelversary as my goal date.  I will likely get the other plants this weekend---they are cuttings from some from my daughter's yard, which she originally got from our yard at our house we just sold. 

So, another lengthy post, but, just a lot to share.  Just "hey" to all of you; I truly don't know where I would be if I couldn't come here....thank you all so much for being here and for being the people you are. 

love and peace,  Carol

[ericasmom]

Good Lorri, give Mom a hug from me.

Bonnie, the 4's are Eri's birth numbers, born on 4-4-84. She also died on the 14th of the seventh month in 2--3. But 4 is considered a very holy number by many native nations and the ancient chinese. 4 directions, 4 seasons or winds, 4 kinds of animals; two legged, four legged, swimming, flying. Anyhow, I used to wake at 4:44 long before ERi was born, and so did my sis Eileen. Then Eri was born and 4's have since been quite important.

I feel your disappointment Bonnie, withthe pavillion. I am sorry Kiddo, it was such a wonderful plan. Man oh man, can't people just mean what they say?

Kath, YES Tav could easily be saying that- as well as showing you that if he is mad at you he doesn't have to feel sad. Anger is replacing sad adn that is something that needs to be dealt with. So much easier to deal with it when people are young. Anger is so much easier to face for many kids than disappointment, than sadness. It is clear and there are angry things a kid can do to release some of the pent up emotion. Sad is hard to do around other kids, and it probably is not encouraged in school, talkking about emotions...but if someone gets used to using anger to replace sad, they grow up without being in touch with sad, not understanding sad, and are quick to show anger. My sister Eileen was like that, she vowed as a little girl to never cry, to be tough. It wasn't until she was a grown adult, mom o 7 kids, that she realized she had never dealt with her sad parts, and there were many. Had she been able to deal with and learn to face sadness when she was little, I believe Eileen would be a happier person now. Kids have magical thinking where they feel all powerful and think that they are responsible for all the good as well as all of the bad in their lives. Give that little Beauty a hug from his old auntie dee.

One to you too.

Loveall,

dee

[mikesmum]

Carol - can feel the pride and smiles as you post these pics of Damon and Mike.  Have the same feeling when I see Mike and Harmony walking the grounds of Melbourne Uni on that DVD.

[ericasmom]

Hey is everyone okay? I have seen nobody here today since early in the day, maybe everyone is under the weight of the almost full moon. Perhaps everyone is busy. My students are having a bit of what we call Friday Free. So I stole a moment to visit. Hope all is well,

dee

[mikesmum]

Bonnie - I am so sorry that the 'powers that be' have decided against the pavillion.  Its like another blow to the very soul.  We are still waiting for the Department of Sustainability & Environment to 'approve' Mikes site.  The river there rose recently but came no where near where we are wanting the seat...The area around it is being cleared by Mother Nature.  Bureaucracy should be a new swear word.

I have to hope the interview for the forster family went well.....Keeping you and Rich in my heart and mind over these next weeks.....

Carol - Snap, we have decided to finally do something with our postage size back yard!  Beginning with Birches!  The front yard has 5 lining the driveway, a gift from Steven and his partner Kelly when we got married. 

Dee - So great to see your baby girl snuggled up in her avatar - miss seeing her and hearing from you.  Kids are back at school here next Monday....

Waters are receeding and thankfully the dams are up!  I am heading into a week of 'poop'.  The Medical Board hearing is Thursday and there is a preliminary 'what to do' Tuesday. 

Sun is shining here, its Saturday!  Muttley is walking with Stevens 'staffordshire terrier X today.  Big dog, little dog!!

Below is one of the symbols I put on Mikes banner/flag.  Its Meerkats with a background of Celtic weave.....

Hey Micheal Shane - Sunshine on your face ....feel the warmth, like a hug wrap round you

Take care all.......Trudi

[briansdad]

My next endeavor.

[mpsmom]

Greg, this golfing for angels is GREAT!!!!! The womens golf assn has agreed to help me put on a golf tournament in Bethanys honor, she was varsity all 4 years in HS.  Her girls team went on to win the state championship just weeks after she died... they all said they won it for her.. these girls had been golfing together since they were in 7th grade, and they all said they were going to win the state championship for the first year in history for her small high school......they did..i dont know how, they were all shattered..... the season had just started two weeks before she died....... damn i miss her..

Good luck withyour tourney I love the flyer.... Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

[mpsmom]

Trudi, my prayers will be with you thru this next couple of difficult weeks. I love the meekrats on the flag, reminds me so much of Lion King, I must have watched it 200 times with Bethany when she was small, are you finished with you banner??? mine is in the works.... having to work at the office everyday this week, is driving me crazy...... i prefer my jammies and the kitchen table, i gt alot more accomplished.

Hugs to all,    Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

[summergirl]

Greg - wonderful idea - "Golfing for our Angels" - the poster is beautiful. I tried golfing once and lets just say "no one wants to play with me again"!!!!! You are a super man.

Thanks to all of you who commented about Tavian, you have all helped me to see things much better and I don't feel so GUILTY now. I am going to take Tavian back to see his therapist, it has been 2 years since he finished and maybe it is time for a few more sessions.  I totally agree with you Dee, children DO NOT like sad - I can see that so well in Tavian, that is why I try so hard to not cry in front of him but I also want him to know that it is ok to cry or be sad, happy, angry - I think they need to know it is ok. Unfortunatly, Tavian has had to learn "sad" from a terrible loss so he does not want sad in his life. I will let you all know how the therapy session goes.

Trudi - always with you no matter how many miles seperate us. Stand tall at the hearing as Mike will be there with you as we all will be.     Glad to hear the waters are receding and you can hopefully get out for your walk with Muttley.

Marcia - I am right there with you girlfriend - jammies, kitchen table and cup of coffee and I am good to go.

Tonight Barry and I were working on our "flag" and we both had to stop as the tears came to both of us at the same time - we just let them flow and held each other. The flag is a wonderful, beautiful thing - it is allowing us to share our child with others and allowing us our emotions as we put it all together. 

Peace to all, rest and sweet dreams. kathy

[daveydow1]

Bonnie---Oh, how disappointing that they want to build the pavilion,

and not let Jay's company build it. Their past record of shows that

it probably would not be good workmanship. Will Pinnacle Days still

go on ?   So sorry about this latest thing. Peace & prayers.

    Daveysmom,  Sherry 

[shorty16]

Bonnie

Things have a way of working themselves out and I would not count that Pavillion out yet.  They have not started building.

Hang in there, I will give you a big hug in only 20 days.

Kathy, I read your story about Tavian and him hurting you to make you stop crying about his Mom.  Kids have a different way of looking at things. This may be one of those times.  Hang in there.

Greg - The golfing for Angels is awesome.  Just as you remember my Brian, I remember yours.  I will say their names during our Pinnicle Days campout.

Trudi - Hows the weather down under?

Marcia - Hope the computer problems have been solved?  Thinking of you

Deneace - So good to see your handsome son BJ's face on this site.  We miss them when we do not see their pictures for a while.

Dee - Teaching seems to be keeping you busy.  Hows the banner coming?

I finished my banner tonight.  Since it has to stand the weather, I printed some favorite pictures and laminated them.  Stuck them to the faux leather material.  Both sides are done this way.  Can't wait to see the others.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[heartbeataway]

Greg,

Love the flyer and the concept for the golfing event.

I noticed the "hole in one" prize.  Reminded me of a phone call I received.

It was Jason. One of his suppliers had a golf tournament and he had played.  He was telling me about it and told me about that they had a big prize for anyone who had a hole in one.

Then he told me about his last shot of the day.  He hit it and over shot the hole, but the ball spun back and went in.  He said, "Mom, your boy did it.  I won 10 grand!"

We still have the big card board check he had hanging in his garage.

I miss him.  I miss our conversations. I miss hearing someone call me "Mom".  The "miss" in my heart is alive and well ......

[mikesmum]

I think thats part of it Bonnie, missing hearing "hey mum, watcha doing" which usually bought out the reply "talkin to you".  I don't think you should count out the Pavillon, but if thats the case, check out what else you might be able to place in that area.

Greg - I love your golf day idea....Could you send me info on Bereaved Parents.  I don't believe there is one here.  The flyer is amazing - do you have problems getting sponsors?

Marcia - jimmy jams, and heat bead slippers work for me.  I spent about 3 days working out what I wanted, how it might work and then just went for it...I started with the questions Bonnie posted.  Ahh the lion King...I think I know it verbatim!

Colleen - we were flooded a couple of days ago, but now its receeding.  The grass is green and the spring flowering is amazing.

Kathy - I think as he grows and develops its a good idea to keep in touch with the counsellors.  So many things for him to adjust to not just growing up....Love that you and Barry had a Jessica moment shared.......

Had the best couple of days in awhile.  Took Em and Caleb to an inpromtu visit to the National Gallery Victoria.  It was were I had my first 'date' (with a boy from the opposite sex (lol).  The front widow is a 'waterfall'.  Inside is a stain glass window 3 stories above the floor.  We used to lay on the floor and look for the shapes, a bit like cloud watching.  Well, of course I had to lay on the floor with the grandies!  What a hoot.  The floor now caters for coffee shops and displays!  Amazing the number of kids who followed our lead - much more interesting from the floor.

This morning Steven asked if we could walk our dogs together.  Muttley the cute ball of black and white and his girl 'Charlie' a British/American Staffordshire cross.  We went to the leads off park.  The dogs socialised, the kids played and then we had brunch...brilliant.

Well 'family' off to 'trial bake' for Melissa's party.  My baby brothers birthday on the 1st so he is the guinea pig - its a hard job but someone has to do it....

Trudi 

[ericasmom]

Trudi Dear, explain what a trial bake is. Is this when you guys try different recipes? Poor little Bro then, kidding. What a lucky duck if he gets to try all of the samples.

I hope that the next few weeks of lawyers and such go well, go in your favor, and may the meerkats swoop in to save the day. I LOVE THE MEERKATS on the banner. That is a gorgeous looking banner.

I will be lucky if I buy anything in which to make a banner. THat is how my banner is Miss Smarty Pants I am Done, Colleen! I am glad however, that you are finished. I am also thrilled that you are going to be at Pinnicle Days which will be fabulous with or without the pavillion. If I send a banner, it will be by hook or by crook, as this is amonth of great flurry. Tonight, Jon and Shannon, and thier old friend from Michigan came by for dinner. Tomorrow, haircut, and dinner at John (husband) cousin's home nearby. Then from tomorrow night on for 10 more, Aunt and Uncle will stay with us. They are also from Michigan, Detroit. They like staying here, they call us their personal B&B. We really don't entertain, but having two folks staying with you means making sure of more things. Anyhow, walking Sunday with Son early for the Junior Diabetes Walk. Walking next Sunday for Breast Cancer, and preparing for a writing conference for the 24th. Parent teacher conferences the week of the 20th.

Ahh, I am tired now, sleep is upon me, and so I bid you all my wishes for a great sleep, deep and warm.

peace one day

[nicksdad]

Greg..The golf idea is great and I am sure will be a huge success. I've been thinking about doing something like that but more along the lines of bowling only becuase I know the bowling alley people plus I don't golf.

Can you tell me what the paragraph says on it. I can only read the bigger letters...maybe i'm losing my sight.

[briansdad]

[user=27196]nicksdad[/user] wrote:

Greg..The golf idea is great and I am sure will be a huge success. I've been thinking about doing something like that but more along the lines of bowling only becuase I know the bowling alley people plus I don't golf.

Can you tell me what the paragraph says on it. I can only read the bigger letters...maybe i'm losing my sight.

Hope this helps

 

[ericasmom]

Thanks so much Greg, I too have challenged vision and that was a big help to have it made larger. I think that the golf outing is an amazingly wonderful way to bring folks together for a great cause. You are an inspiration, your work toward helping others is forever work. Your mark, just like Brian's is forever.

Dan, I don't golf or bowl. I stink at anything that requires eye-hand coordination. I stick to walking and riding my bike. A bowling gathering would be great fun, and you could have it set up like Greg did, teams and a grand prize...

dee

[briansdad]

Dan,

Just a note, I love bowling! I used to bowl three times a week. I 've since cut it back to just one.

[nicksdad]

Greg...Now I can read it that is great. I actually quit bowling also

Use to do it about 5 days a week and was fortunate to throw a 300 game in Japan

before retiring from the military. Then 3 back operations...so no more bowling...

But, use to love it.