Loss of an Adult Child

[welovedrew]

Hi, everyone! I love all of the pictures that each of you have posted. Some of them are so beautiful with awesome backgrounds! I would just love to be able to post one picture of Drew...I haven't mastered this, yet! I think of each and everyone of you often. I read the posts quite frequently. I am also saying BRIAN and AVERY! Please know that these two guys are in my thoughts and prayers! Miss you all! (Drewsmom) Mary

[mysonrich]

Hi Mary, do you have a pictures on your computer? There are a few techies at BI that can help walk you though the process.

 

Greg, I like a round of golf also. Miniature golf though I have to confess to being a Tiger fan. And others that try their best to win. Sims? And the "old guy" that almost won recently.

 

 

BI friends, I fell into a very dark place but I think I'm climbing to the ridge and ready to swing my arms up and over. This past month has been very hard emotionally. I'll keep moving on though.

 

Health wise, I guess the barrage of bp meds are kicking in. And I read somewhere that we all have guardian angels and all we need to do is "ask outloud". So I did and you wouldn't believe the way people were looking at me today as I drove down the road :-).

 

This picture of Rich has been especially hard for me to look at. Its in a book and when I opened the book and saw him I had to turn away. But, today I smile with him. His Kindergarten Circus. Mrs Bice, his teacher,just recently retired, had one each year.

 

 Betsy,mysonRich

[ericasmom]

Betsy,

here is to you swinging your arms up and over the edge of that steep cliff into the daylight, each time we sink, we emerge with more to us than when we went down, we gather tools and strategies, and we learn primitive ways to use them. I too speak aloud to the angels all about, and I feel good doing so, feel like I am heard, beyond the neighbors ears.

I absolutely love that you posted this truly gorgeous photo of your Rich. He is so RICH. I love seeing our Babies over time. HOw very dear. That you posted one that is hard for you is also a step Betsy, a big one. It is called courage.

Mary, if you have a photo scanned to your computer or some stored on your computer, you can get a photo on this site. I really have a hard time with technology, but somehow I was able to load the little side photo of Erica and I have posted other photos as well but not always successful there.

How are  you doing?

Deneace, how is the weather where you are? Do you enjoy a colorful autumn or do you simply cool down a bit?

Love to all,

dee

[daveydow1]

Betsy---So sorry that you have been down in the 'black hole' lately.

It's a place that we all get to from time to time---I don't believe

that anyone can escape it. It just catches up with us ----that's all.

I'm glad that you are coming up out though. You will be in my thoughts

& prayers. Peace to you, friend.

     Daveysmom,  Sherry  

[summergirl]

JUST A QUICK HELLO TO ALL.  FINISHED ALL THE "STUFF" FOR THE FLAG SO NOW TIME TO LAY IT ALL OUT AND FINISH IT AND SEND IT OFF !!  IT HAS BEEN A JOY, A BLESSING AND VERY BITTERSWEET DOING THE FLAG - TO KNOW THAT MY JESSICA MIGHT TRAVEL AROUND WITH ALL THE OTHER ANGELS.

RAINY ALL DAY, WATCHED MOVIES AND STAYED IN MY JAMMIES !!!  TOMORROW IS SUPPOSED TO BE SUNNY AND IN THE 70'S SO IT WILL BE A GOOD DAY TO WORK IN THE YARD.

BLESS YOU ALL AND TALK TOMORROW.  PEACE, KATHY

[mysonrich]

Sherry and Dee, thanks for your kind support.

 

I was thinking of a time when Rich was around 1 year old. He was in the grocery- cart seat and we were in a rather large store, in a long line with a lot of other people. I started making faces at him and he would giggle and laugh. I would turn away and spin back around with a new silly face. He would giggle and laugh some more. I kept this up for some time, it was a looong line. For some reason I turned and looked about. It seemed that everyone in the checkout lines were smiling. They were enjoying my son, his giggles and laughs. I guess these are some memories that are so heart breaking. My son is a sweetheart. When I read here it sounds like all our kids are sweethearts, giving,caring people.

 

Betsy

 

Dee, the moon is very bright tonight

[arc4ever]

We have been our riding today on a toys for tots poker run, very pretty day hope they raised lots of money and got lots of toys.

While we were out I got a phone call, a friend (she lives in  FL, I'm in OH) I have known her since 11 years old.   And seven years ago her brother (who I briefly dated in high school) and his THREE yes, her brother and his THREE children died in a fire.  It was devastating.

Well found out today another brother (50 years old) was hit while on his motorcycle last night, hit and run, he is doing very, very badly severe head trauma many many broken bones, he is in very bad shape.  If you pray, say a prayer for this man Mike Stegler.  and his family.  Especially his mother Mikki she has already lost one son, three grandchildren and is now waiting by the bedside of another son.  Prayers are all we can do right now.  I will keep you posted.

Weather today was beautiful for a ride, just the right amount of cool, but sun was out most of the day.  I needed to get out and feel the fresh air,

Goodnight my friends, Love Terrie (Adam's mom)

[shorty16]

Hello all my BI Friends

It is cold today in Wisconsin.  Took a 1.5 hour drive to Appleton to visit Scott's Mom.  Leah our neice also spent some time with us.  Scott is getting his Mom into the computer age.  The 5 kids bought her a lap-top and she bought a printer and Scott set-it up.

Wisconsin Badgers Won against Minn.  2nd conference win (3-0).  I like Football (if you have not noticed).

Tomorrow I am sitting on my butt.  After that, we bought clear storage containers.  I need to trash old containers and replace with these new ones.

I miss you Brian.  I saw one of your friends today and wondered what you would be doing now.  I know you are OK, and that if you had a choice you would not leave heaven, but I MISS YOU.  Your Mom

Colleen

[mpsmom]

Terrie, I will keep Mike in my prayers, we also went for a short ride today, the weather has finally changed....not so very hot.....I think about you and your husband every time we talk about taking the harley out.  We dont ride at night often becasue there are just so many motorcycle accidents at night, it seems 'we'  are  sometimes 'invisible' .....Toys for Tots, what a wonderful reason for a ride.   Hugs, Marcia   Bethanys Mom Forever

[ericasmom]

Terrie, prayers are being said as I type. God bless Mike and his whole family. Please don't let him hurt and surround him in some sort of golden soft warmth, a place of deep peace, let him either heal to his full self, or let him leave without more pain. Please give his family the knowledge of his love. Oh Lord please bless them all and if he is to leave here let him fly into the arms of his brother.

Terrie, glad that you did toys for tots, very important and wonderful charity. We are hoping for your sunshine tomorrow as we walk for Junior Diabetes Research along the lakefront in chicago.

Saw and held my newest great nephew, Maxx Jackson. He is beautiful, made all sorts of faces and some little sounds. Finally after a while, he woke up and stared at Jonathan and me. We rolled in the joy of his arrival.

Yep Betsy, Rich helped others smile even then. A very special young man. I know that you miss the Boy Who Smiles With His Whole Self.

Lovingly-

Dee

[ericasmom]

Col, what a nice message to Brian.

[mikesmomrs]

Trudi:  Yet another “connection…”  Mike used to call and ask the same question, "watcha doin?" and I, like you, would answer “talkin’ to you.”    I just know that they are together with the rest of our angels, hanging out and saying “can you believe that our moms talk about stuff like that?”    I will be thinking of you dear friend these next couple of weeks as you pass through these  next challenges…I know that Micheal will be with you every step of the way.  Sending strength and love.  I am so glad that you got to set the tone for the others at the gallery, to lay down and view the waterfall/window in the best possible manner…a moment to be remembered by your grandbabies forever.  You are blessed.  Your walk with Stephen and the doggies sounds like a joy, as well.  These are moments to help you through this next hurdle that you face.  I wish you well with the trial bake…wish I could be there to let you know that everything is just as good as good can be.  I am glad that you are doing the back yard…a good time of year in your part of the world to start something…we here are putting everything to bed for the upcoming winter blasts that are on their way.

Bonnie:  I loved the story about Jason’s hole in one…what a wonderful thing to happen to him…and the money didn’t hurt, either, I suspect…lol!.    And that he called you to share it with you…very special. 

Dee:  You sound busier than a one-armed paper hanger with a rash…slow down, girl!  Breathe deeply…good luck with your upcoming walks and hope the weather cooperates…cool and dry I would guess would be the most optimal.  Good luck also with the parent-teacher conferences…  What a wonderful thing to do…to hold that new little life, Maxx, and feel the energy of his newness seeping into your heart…

Marcia:  such a selfless thing for the girls in Bethany’s golf club to do…oh yes, I am sure they worked harder than usual, and I know that Bethany was smiling with pride and joy over their efforts and accomplishment. 

Betsy:  I love the pic of Rich…so cute, and so many memories just jump out of it for you!  I am sorry that you’ve been in the pit, but am so glad to hear that you are reaching out and up to climb back out…you have the good wishes of all of us here , sending you a healthy dose of determination and strength…and you know that Rich is right by your side, holding out his strong hands, as well.    Thanks for sharing the sweet story of Rich’s giggles and laughter brightening the day of so many…

Terrie:  Mike Stegler and his mother Mikki and his family…sending prayers and good thoughts…just cannot imagine the pain this mom is going through…Dee:  the prayer you wrote/said for this family was just beautiful…you have the gift of the soothing words…

Colleen:  sounds as though you deserve that “sitting on your butt” time for tomorrow…then, of course, time to get busy again…but let it wait as long as you can…enjoy the day, breathe, relax…

Greg:  good luck with your tournament…a great idea, and you know that your Brian is so proud of you…

Mary:  I’ve sent you a pm about posting of Drew’s pic…just let me know…

This is such a long week of reminders, such a re-walking of our very painful journey that began just three short/long years ago…each and every day is such a “memory book.”  I don’t know why this year is so definitive and so precise in its memories, the increased frequency of those memories…the almost surreal reminders that occur daily…each tiny thing…a song, a picture, a thought willing its way through my brain and into my heart, overhearing someone saying something that is a trigger to those thoughts and memories…holding Mike’s hand, feeding him, listening to him breathe…that first week of October, his first week of bed confinement…watching the days slip out of our lives, taking our only son with them, putting ourselves outside of what was really happening…thinking “this is only a setback…he’ll be back on his feet by next week…”  He and I were supposed to go shopping for a locket for Sarah on the day that he went to bed for the last time (September 30th)…instead, he “shopped” from his bed from the lockets that I brought home for him to look at and choose.   Shortly after the carefully chosen locket came back from the engraver’s, Mike saw it briefly, was very happy with it, and told us he wanted to give it to her then, instead of waiting til Christmas, but in the next hours he slipped even further away from us…by that evening, when Sarah came, he was not cognizant enough any longer to give it to her.  ...a small white gold locket, with a mother of pearl overlay on the front of it, and a very small, plain cross overlaid on the mother of pearl.  Inside, a lock of his hair on one side, his picture on the other…engraved on the back with “Always.”  That’s what he wanted… “Always” and his name.  He then decided on adding a little round disc engraved with “Sarah, thank you.”  I would have much preferred to have spent the time with Mike that I used running back and forth to the jewelers, and then to the engraver…but I knew he truly wanted to do this one last thing, and how could I not give him that wish?  Mike was not overtly sentimental very often, and when he was he could take you over the moon with it…I am sure that Sarah treasures the thought that he put into this locket likely as much or even more than she treasures the locket itself…I am thankful to have been part of this final gift from him to her, and yet the selfish part of asks where are those moments I was away from him those last hours…I want them back, I want that time back…I want him back. 

 

(Sarah graciously allowed me to take a picture of her locket to put into Mike's website memorial---I may have posted this before, but I'd like to share it again.)

Mike, you are in every cell of my brain and every fiber of my heart these days...remembering those days that slowly took you from us... we held your hand to comfort you for your journey away from us, told you it was okay to go...and yet we secretly wished that we could stop time and hold you there forever...you are free from pain now, free from the pain that lived in your heart over leaving your children, your wife, your family, "...earth-bound no more" as you wrote in your journal, but still and always a part of us, here, left behind...until we meet again.  I love you so much.

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[mikesmum]

[user=20130]arc4ever[/user] wrote:

We have been our riding today on a toys for tots poker run, very pretty day hope they raised lots of money and got lots of toys.

While we were out I got a phone call, a friend (she lives in  FL, I'm in OH) I have known her since 11 years old.   And seven years ago her brother (who I briefly dated in high school) and his THREE yes, her brother and his THREE children died in a fire.  It was devastating.

Well found out today another brother (50 years old) was hit while on his motorcycle last night, hit and run, he is doing very, very badly severe head trauma many many broken bones, he is in very bad shape.  If you pray, say a prayer for this man Mike Stegler.  and his family.  Especially his mother Mikki she has already lost one son, three grandchildren and is now waiting by the bedside of another son.  Prayers are all we can do right now.  I will keep you posted.

Weather today was beautiful for a ride, just the right amount of cool, but sun was out most of the day.  I needed to get out and feel the fresh air,

Goodnight my friends, Love Terrie (Adam's mom)

Terrie - Prayers for the family, heart to the Grandma/mum in a silent vigil beside her surviving son. May they be held in the warm light of peace as they wait.......

Carol - I love the locket and can appreciate your time with Mike was precious.  Micheal had designed rings for he and Amanda in the event that they might work through their problems and marry.  The designs were left with a jeweller friend of ours.  He made my engagement & wedding rings.  After Micheal died he made the rings for Amanda.  The were Celtic Knotwork with semi precious stones. She wears  both now, unfortunately we didn't see the finished product.

Have recently met with another mum who lost her son Sept 08.  She is one of the volunteers that fought the fires in Marysville, her husband of less than a year fought in Kinglake.  Five weeks ago her husband collapsed and died of a brain haemorrhage.  I wonder sometimes just how much the human condition can take, she has lost so much in such a short time...best I could offer was to listen.......

Take Care my BI family......

 

[lolynbo]

MY BABY IN COWTOWN YESTERDAY..WE TOOK THE AMTRAC TO FT WORTH AND WALKED AROUND..HAD A GREAT DAY..

[lolynbo]

MY HUBBY HE'S KINDA DIFF BLESS HIS HEART.

[mpsmom]

Carol, the locket and the story of it's creation is beautiful, what a treasure for Mikes sweet daughter to have forever with her. 

Lorri, it looks like you had a great time in Cowtown, your Monty and my Larry would get along great-- both a little 'goofy'...

Rich's mom the story about Rich giggling in the grocery store line, brings back so many memories for me.  THANK YOU !!  I love the 'young' Rich picture from a day or two ago, what a cutie.

Trudi, My prayers are with you as you dredge up the days surrounding Mikes death, I know this will so be difficult even for such a strong and determined lady.  I hope the 'test' baking will be tasty and fun... a great disraction for a day or so.

Sherry, I think about you and Davey every Tuesday as I drive by the "Davey Deals" sign on my way to counseling, I will be back to posting more soon _ I hope

Sonya, I hope you are able to attend Pinnacle Days, I have not seen you Danielles smiling face here much lately hoping you are doing well.

Colleen, we thought of redoing our kitchen cabinets before Bethany died, now this is just a house, I put o little effort in to it, maybe one day I will feel differently.  I do not know about the prodcut you spoke about for the flooring, you will have to send pics when you are finsihed, thank you for 'remembering' Bethany. 

Bonnie, I think about you eeryday and hope that all is going well with your company 'things' ....What bad timeing for you to have to deal with 'all of these issues' as you are planning Pinnacle Days.  Again I am sorry that you will not be allowed to build the pavillion you had planned, I hope the property owners will reconsider. 

Dee,  are you still walking???I remember last fall ( I think) 'living' in the words you shared about your walks in the forest, the birds , the sounds and smells.  How is Jon doing?  You mentioned it was six months since his father left to join Eri.. I hope he is getting by day to day...too much for such a young man to have to deal with in such a short period of time.  My prayers are with him and you. 

MaryAnne, I watch your posting and see that you are reaching out to others, so proud of the steps forwrd you have taken in such a short time. 

Zachysmom, Thinking of you and your family, especially Zach's sister.

Hollesmom, there are so many people here who understand, I hope you will continue to post/ and or read.

Dan, I dont know if I thanked you properly for the beautiful picture of Bethany and the butterflies surrounding her ( on her angel date) It was so very thoughtful of you, we are all so lucky to have you here on BI.

Greg, thank you for printing the fine print on your golf flyer, I know this will be a sucess and what a fabulous way to keep the memories of your Brian 'in the present' .  Would love to see 'new' pic of Allyssa (SP?) as she grows, she is such a doll. 

Kathy, Give Tavian a HUGE hug for me !!!!!

If I have forgotten anyone, i am so sorry, I think of you all -- all the time.....

 

orange yellow

violet gray

black dark about

black dark about

[shorty16]

Hello Everyone,

How is everyone?  Hearing lots about the Packer vs Viking game

Yeah Green & Gold

Colleen

[briansdad]

Hey I was browsing the net  and I found this song it made me think of all the people here that had daughters.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPTkkqqzf90&feature=related

[daveydow1]

Terrie---Many thoughts & prayers for your friend's family who lost so

many in the fire; and for the other brother, Mike, that he may recover

for the hit-and-run accident. A special prayer for that poor mother who

has lost so many loved ones. God bless her and give her strength.

Betsy----Such a cute story about Rich and how his sweet laughter in

the store line brought smiles to the other customer's faces. That is

definitely one for your "memory book".

Marcia----Thanks, my friend, for thinking of Davey when you pass the

"Davey's Deals" sign.

Carol---That is a bittersweet story about the locket for Sarah. You carried

out Mike's wishes to go to the jewelry store out of your devoted love for

him. As you say "how could I not ?".  Oh,....if wishing could only make it

happen, huh?......We'd all have our babies back with us;  but they are safe

from all harm now, and happy.  Peace to you.

       Peace & Tranquility to ALL here in the BI family.

                  Daveysmom,  Sherry 

[briansdad]

I found this recently and I'm putting in the goody bags for the tournament.

The game of golf is simple and complex at the same time. The easiest of skills are sometimes the first forgotten, or last to be remembered.

I didn't follow through,

I raised up,

I bent my elbow,

I used too much club,

I used to little club,

I stood too close,

I stood too far,

I gripped wrong,

I Tee'd the ball too high,

I should have laid up.

All things a golfer knows, all things a golfer considers with each shot. Of course they would all like to have a scorecard full of eagle's and birdies, but sometimes par is a pretty good number.

[align=center] [/align]

Life and grief are very much like a game of golf. You start at the beginning nine and hope that you are better by the ending.

Grief has all the "shoulda, woulda, coulda's, like golf and each time you face another loss, all the things you learned before are sometimes forgotten.

You keep playing, hoping your score will improve or you can do a little better on one "hole" or another. But the enjoyment of Life is in the successes, not the failures.

You can relive a perfect golf shot, where you remembered everything and feel good about yourself. In life and after grief, you can remember the best times, and feel good again. You can change the world.

 

[ericasmom]

You can change the world. Indeed and thank you for that Greg. And thank you for the song.

dee

[mysonrich]

Hi Marcia, I guess Greg's memory article took me to that path. Its good to hear that your memories make you smile.

 

Carol. the locket is beautiful. Time spent fulfilling a desire/wish for your boy.

 

Colleen, I watched Washington and Notre Dame yesterday. A good game. I'm not a fan of any particular team, it was on. I would have to cheer the Eagles on otherwise my cousin Larry may never speak to me again:-)

 

Terri, I think of Adam when the bikers ride by. I couldn't see them last night but I sure heard them.

 

Mary Ann, hope you are ok?

 

Dawn, how are you in the city of brotherly love?

 

Sherry, thanks. Do you write down memories. I haven't, just in my mind, but I may.

 

 

Sonya, yesterday I made homemade chicken vegetable noodle soup in my crockpot. My noodles disappeared but it was still delicious. Froze some. Hope you are well, haven't seen your daughter's smile about lately.

 

Lorri, do you have the big # 1 finger to go with the hat?

 

A nice day here

 

Betsy,mysonRich

[hotsauce]

HI EVERYONE, just want to say i hope everyone is doing good.  i am having alot of big ups and downs.  mostly downs.  i am just a lonely, confused person.  cannot comment to anything.  i am glad i made my banner and BONNIE received it, because the way i am feeling right now, i don't think i could have made one.

TERRIE, i am sorry to hear about your friends.  they are in my paryers, just like everyone else here at BI.

MARCIA, trying to reach out, and you are right very small steps.

BETSY, yes i am okay, as okay as i can be.

take care EVERYONE, i hope you all have a good week.

sounds like you all are having some fun.  don't want to ruin your day.

best wishes to all

mary ann BRIAN'S mom, missisng him so much.

 

[ericasmom]

YOu will not ruin anyone's day Mary Anne, your feeling down is important to speak about, it is where you are right now. I too, am glad that you were able to finish your banner. What that shows you is that you were able to start and complete something. Good for you. I have not even purchased materials as of yet. Yikes.

My thoughts,

dee

[lolynbo]

IM N THE MOOD TO POST PICS SO HERE IS ME , MY SISTER (SHORT DARK HAIR) KIMBELRY (PLATNIUM HAIR) AND NEICE ANNA AT BRITNEY..WELL ACTUALLY B4 BRITNEY CONCERT..

[mikesmum]

Greg - You change the world, with your links to You Tube, your ventures on behalf of BF and living your life in honour of your Brian, your grandbaby.   For that I thank you.

Marcia - Nice to see you back. The trial baking is going well.  Its just that I haven't catered for anything for sometime.  Old recipes are coming out as are memories of cooking with the kids (mine) from a time long ago. 

Dee - I have a feeling your creativity will enough to bring Eri's flag together in time. 

I know this week is going to be a tough one, but you know, after being here and meeting  in MN I have such a different determination.  My focus is to honour Mike by putting into place changes that might prevent another child dying or a parent being left to wonder why.

Back to the pilates today - tested a few of my own creations...need to move...

 

 

[ericasmom]

May this week show you that your determination is nothing to be undermined. I am so very proud of your take on this.

Love and recipes,

dee

Yes Marcia, I still walk daily but have been so very busy that I have not written too much about my walks. I guess I have not gone to the forest much yet, either too muddy or too nervous at times to be in there alone. I sometimes get spooked. BUt the colors here are happening for sure, and mystudents and I have taken one nature walk in the neighborhood to see what is changing.

Miracles.

dee

[arc4ever]

Thank you to everyone for their prayers for my friend's brother (Mike), so far no change.  I passed along to the family that the folks here were keeping Mike and his family in their prayers, that they are the people who understand.  The family thanks you all, and I will keep you up-to-date.

Mary Ann:  Please, please do not apologize.   I know for me at least this is where I can go when I am down and post and know that the people here on BI understand us, they care without condition, and they know that no matter how much time has passed, be it one day and many many years, we are not crazy, we do not "get over it" and they are out there holding our hands and crying along with us.  So post away, "good" days or "bad" days or any dang time you want! 

I'm working on my banner, but had problems with my printer today and couldn't print my photos onto the fabric paper, so I'll try again.  One way or another I will get it to Bonnie in time.

I think of you all, and your angels a lot.  They pop in my head numerous times throughout the day and I say their names, and I think of their beautiful faces and wish I had known them while they were here, but I pray that I meet each and every one when it is my time to join them.

Love to all, Terrie (Adam's mom)

[heartbeataway]

Mary Ann,

You will find this grief journey the most non-linear of your life.  We love the ups when they come and we get to hear a little "happy" in the postings and we understand the lows when there are just no words to share.

Just lurk () in the background and read ...... we will be here and we will understand.

I'm glad you sent your banner too! 

Love!

Bonnie, Jay's Mom

[summergirl]

Terri - my prayers are with this family and with you also. What tragedy this world holds, sometimes it is just to much.

Geg - loved the song - bless you and your u-tube searches.

Maryann - Never apologize for not being able to "respond" to anyone, just being here reading or not being here we are always here for you.  There are many happy postings which we all love however, many of us find ourselves in the dark hole and this is the place to be whatever mood we are in.  I understand that you think you are bringing someone down but believe me you are not - if you could go back and read when I first came on, and many others, you would see yourself that I it took me many postings before I actually had a "happy moment".   Take care of YOU, baby steps, one moment at a time.   I noticed in your avatar that you joined us on July 21st - my daughter Jessica's birthday -your beautiful boy and she must have met and here you are !!!!!!! 

I worked way to much in the yard today and now my back HURTS - I just have this idea in my head that I am alot younger then I actually am and think I can do as much as I used to - but the aches and pains have proven my mind wrong !!!

Love to all, peaceful dreams and restful night.  Kathy 

 

[hotrod]

[user=20130]arc4ever[/user] wrote:

I think of you all, and your angels a lot.  They pop in my head numerous times throughout the day and I say their names, and I think of their beautiful faces and wish I had known them while they were here, but I pray that I meet each and every one when it is my time to join them.

Hello Everyone,

 

Terrie said it so well: 

 

 I do the same every day.  and I pray and smile often because of all our angels.

 

IJust want to share a quick story about a "Little Miracle" I experienced over the weekend.

 

A friend of Stephen's gave me a rosebush when Stephen passed.   I was  selling his house and so  I planted the rosebush in my sister's garden.  She has tended it well the last 2 years and it has bloomed three or 4 times.  The last time it bloomed was in June of this year and I believe the last time I visited my sister was about the same time. 

 

I planned on visiting her this Saturday -  She called on Thursday and said she was so excited that the rosebush had two buds and she was praying that they would open for my visit. 

 

When I arrived on Saturday the first thing she did was bring me back to her garden to see that 2 beautiful white roses had bloomed overnight.  I said a little prayer of thanks.  I am so grateful for this Board and all of you because you taught me to look for and accept little miracles.  

 

Betty

Stephen'sMom

[lolynbo]

IM TRYIN AGAIN MY PIC WAS SMALL...OK THERE WE GO...AND IM NOT DRUNK (TO MUCH)

[lolynbo]

OK COULD BE DRUNK HERE,....KOURTNEY WOULD BE "MOTHERIN ME" ...

TODAY IS CLOUDY AND DRIZZLY..SO ITS A LIL DEPRESSING..CEMETARY WAS WET COULDNT VISIT VERY LONG NO WHERE TO SIT...

MONTY IS SUPPOSE TO BE WORKING ON MY BANNER..WHEN DO WE NEED TO HAVE THEM READY AGAIN?HOPE EVERYONE HAD A BLESSED DAY..WE ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF TAKING SUMMER CLOTHES DOWN AND WINTER UP..AND ITS A MESS, WE USUALLY JUST WORK TUES AND THUR BUT IM GOING IN TOM TO GET MORE DONE..I JUST CANT BELIEVE WE HAVE SO MANY CLOTHES..

WELL I WILL CHEK ON YAL TOM..LOVE YAL

[mikesmomrs]

Mary Ann:  As others have said, being down is part of this journey, and here on BI is the ONLY place where you can feel down and we all understand and DO NOT look at as bringing US, the readers of your post, down...in the "outside" (away from BI and in the everyday world) we are often afraid of mentioning how we feel, or if someone does go so far as to ask us how we feel, we usually will answer "Ok."  Because any other answer would be met with a rolling of the eyes, or a sigh or a change of subject...they do not understand...here on BI, we can talk about something good that has happened and also how down we might be, in the very same post, and we will all understand. 

When I was getting ready to travel to Minneapolis for our meeting, someone asked me "so, are you, like, going to sit around and talk about your kids and cry all weekend?"  I can't even remember now who it was who said such a crass thing---good, selective memory for me---but I remember saying "No, we will not "sit around and cry all weekend"...we will, however, talk about our kids, and if the moment does happen to move us to tears, we will feel totally free to cry, and we will know that we are in the company of people will not "roll their eyes," who will not change the subject...who, instead of flashing us the rolling eyes, will flash us a look of total understanding, give us a comforting hand on our arm, or even just a glance of patience and comfort.  And if we are talking about something totally not related to our kids, and the conversation brings up something that makes us sad for a moment, some thought passes through our mind, some trigger, and we hesitate and the sadness shows for a moment, we will still receive those same looks of understanding, those same touches of comfort, that same glance, that we are being understood...nowhere else can we find such understanding, such acceptance, as we do from other parents who have gone through this loss, live through and know our pain...so please do not think that your posts bring anyone down...as Dee said, sharing those "down" moments is another way of healing...along with the comfort received from others, here, when those moments are shared, is another "healing" process...

When you post and if the post is brief for whatever reason, the words you type to someone, no matter how short, mean SO much to all of us...because you understand also, you know that some days aren't so "nice" for us.  In fact, some days are, as my hubby says, "JPA," which means "just plain awful."  So, reading messages from you is a heart warmer, please know that, Mary Anne, and know that us posting messages to you is also healing for us...as we reach out, that healing comes back to each of us...we are all, including yourself, reaching out through our own pain, through our own sorrow, to send out a message of hope from all of us, to all of us...

Brian is proud of you, Mary Ann, for reaching out, and we all know that he brought you to us for a reason, just as all of our kids have worked out this "meeting" of their moms and dads on this site...they knew we needed each other and that we would understand that need.

love and peace,   carol  mikesmomrs

[mikesmomrs]

Betty:  I love the story of Stephen's roses...what a wonderful gift to you!  Thank you for sharing...

love and peace,  carol  mikesmomrs

[briansdad]

On Brians site I've posted every year on his angel date. I want to share with you the first year and then most recent. I have to say It's quite a difference.This may help some of the new people here.

My first year:

It’s been a year .A year of pain and despair .I look for some hope but find it very hard to find. I lay in bed every morning replaying my last minutes with Brian. Trying to think of something I could have done different that might have made a difference. One of the few joys we have in our lives is the time we spend with Alyssa. On the plus side of our lives is all the people that have given of their time and money to help Alyssa’s future to be secure. I  know who my real friends are, and the people I can count on. I’m thankful for Brian’s car club buddies. They help keep his memory alive for me. I’d like to say some day I’ll be better but I’ve come to realization that it’s never going to happen. I still think of how happy Brian was that morning. He really felt he had it made. I guess in a way he did he was going to get to see God. I miss his laugh. That electric smile. Like he knew something you didn’t. His big bear hugs. I miss the sound of his car pulling up in front of the house. I would always let out a sigh of relief  when I knew he was home safe again. I miss watching him with his daughter. Seeing how he was growing as a father. Watching his face glow with pride when she did something cute or learned something new. He used to amaze me sometimes at the lengths he would go to help a friend. A lot farther than many people would go. I miss having my best buddy to sit with me and watch all the car and bike shows. I  enjoyed it when we used to talk about his plans for the future. He had so many. If he was able to accomplish just half of them He would have had one heck of a life. Am I better? I don’t know. Some days I think I am and then the next I get slammed back to reality. One of Brian’s friend shared a story about Brian  from the day Brian’s car broke down and they were waiting for a ride. He told us that Brian asked him if  he ever thought of faking his death to see how many people would come to his funeral.. That was just about a month before he died. I don’t think he knew all the lives he touched in his too short life..

One year ? Sometimes it has seemed like a life time and others it seems as though it was just yesterday.

B I love you. I hope I meet up to the Lords standards so I can see you again one day.

 

Love Dad

Year five:

Five years has gone by in a blink of an eye.The years have taught me a few valuable lessons. I think the most important is thankfulness. I'm thankful for God allowing me to be your Dad. You were quite a challenge for your Mom and Me but you were worth it.I'm thankful for your silly grin when you told one of your bad jokes.I can still close my eyes and see your face.I'm thankful for all the times I took you fishing and how you would smile when you caught a bigger fish than me.I'm thankful for  being able to watch you and Rob grow up together.I'm thankful for watching you doing your best to be a big brother to your sister. Trying to keep her on the right path.I'm thankful for getting to watch you learn to become a father. You were good at it.I'm thankful for her. To have a little piece of you means so much us.We miss you everyday Brian.Your never far from our thoughts.I'd love to hear your laugh again.... you know the one you'd do when we blew up a watermellon.I'd love to hear the rumble of your car when you came home at night.I know these things can't be ....so I'll have to wait for you to come and take my hand and take me to meet your Grandpa so we can all go fishing together.

Until then..... I love you Brian

 

 

[mikesmum]

Betty - Love roses......The week after Mike died, the ambulance officers from Mal's branch bought a beautiful 'Black Beauty' Rose.  Its in the rose Garden I have set up with other roses for their beauty.  One was from Lauren (Mikes ex) when I lost my mum...

Well, to all those who thought time heals all wounds.....nah.  Mikes ex Lauren sent a card for Harmony about the same time I sent my presents and letter.  Well, she received a reply.  Posted in the envelope from my card it was hateful, spiteful and full of venom.  Basically it says leave us alone or you will all suffer through the law!  I believe I was referred to as 'the troll who can't spell GRANDMA" (I leave out the 'd') who should stop sending presents and "living high on my sons money??????".   On the back of the envelope in large scrawl was 'NEVER FORGIVE, NEVER FORGET'.

Breath in breath out breath in breath out.   Positive energy to protect Miss Harmony and thoughts for Amanda who is most certainly hurting from somewhere in her life. 

Blessed be those who wait patiently for time to turn......

 

[heartbeataway]

Greg,

My gosh!  I’m glad that you’re stronger but your pain is till palpable in your words.

Trudi,

I am so sorry.  I think we all had our hopes up that your letter would be well received. I’m so, so sorry! And yes, I agree. Blessed be those that wait patiently for time to turn ....... ;-)

Hi Lorri,

It’s okay to get drunk now and again ...... ;-)   The flags should be here by the 21st of October.  Sooner if possible.  I would like to get them together before we leave for The Cove. And we are heading there on Thursday.  I have a friend who does not visit BI, at least not yet. ;-)  She is going to make a flag for her daughter. She died in a car accident about 15 years ago.  I think it’s sweet that she wants her Kim to join our children.

And Lorri, I’m glad you posted larger pictures.  Now we can see what a gorgeous family you’re part of!

Betty,

Two white roses ...... how special!  Thank you for sharing your little miracle!  

Kathy,

I love your idea that you’re younger in your head ......

I have fibromyalgia and I have been so achy lately. I feel so, so old when my body aches and I can’t sleep well.

The idea that Jessica met Stephen and now we have  hotsauce Mary Ann!  Our children work in mysterious but sweet ways, don’t they?

Love!

Bonnie, Jason's Mom

[briansdad]

[user=17130]mikesmum[/user] wrote:

Betty - Love roses......The week after Mike died, the ambulance officers from Mal's branch bought a beautiful 'Black Beauty' Rose.  Its in the rose Garden I have set up with other roses for their beauty.  One was from Lauren (Mikes ex) when I lost my mum...

Well, to all those who thought time heals all wounds.....nah.  Mikes ex Lauren sent a card for Harmony about the same time I sent my presents and letter.  Well, she received a reply.  Posted in the envelope from my card it was hateful, spiteful and full of venom.  Basically it says leave us alone or you will all suffer through the law!  I believe I was referred to as 'the troll who can't spell GRANDMA" (I leave out the 'd') who should stop sending presents and "living high on my sons money??????".   On the back of the envelope in large scrawl was 'NEVER FORGIVE, NEVER FORGET'.

Breath in breath out breath in breath out.   Positive energy to protect Miss Harmony and thoughts for Amanda who is most certainly hurting from somewhere in her life. 

Blessed be those who wait patiently for time to turn......

 

Sorry Trudi, Sometimes when a person extends the olive branch somebody has to hack it off with a chainsaw. Sorry she is such a wanker.

[ericasmom]

THAnks Terrie, for saying the names of our Babies, I do as well sometimes on my morning walk, sometimes on my evening walk, and sometimes as I am falling asleep, saying the names o fsuch special people.

Betty, the rose story is one of those wondrous examples of heaven sent messages. There was your Stephen cultivating white roses to bloom in October. How wonderful. Thanks for sharing that with us. Good going Stephen.

Drunk Lorri, now or in the photo? You are gorgeous in the photo, tipsy or not. What a pretty woman. I liked Kody and his Dad's photo earlier too.

Trudi, yes indeed she hurts from somewhere, but she is reaching out with scissored hands at you and I just don't get it, I just don't. How does an adult say what she says? I am so desperately sorry Trudi, that she would not be able to lay down the gauntlet after so many years, and reach across the divide to meet you. I so wish that she could see how beneficial it would be to have you in her life, in Harmony's life and for you to have them. Mike knows, We all know, what the hell is wrong with her. One day Harmony will know that Granma is there for her, not far, right around the bend.

Blessings and hope,

dee

[mikesmum]

[user=10710]briansdad[/user] wrote:

Sorry Trudi, Sometimes when a person extends the olive branch somebody has to hack it off with a chainsaw. Sorry she is such a wanker.

I think what really pissed me off was she wrote some hurtful personal things to Lauren supposedly based on stories Micheal told her.  She also referred to my 'travels' as my spending my sons money.....Twisted, oh yeah.....and no my trips os this year are from my inheritance from my mum, Micheal left with as much as he came into the world with.....very little, but very very loved.  I have to hope Mike is watching ensuring this poision doesn't permeate to his precious baby girl's life.

I notice the changes in my thinking from the 1st angelversary to now.  Disbelief has been replaced by sadness and a hope to be together once again.........

[homeschoolmom]

Sat at the table yesterday and the tears fell as it hit me anew we would always have an empty chair.

The immigration docs for Akiem have finally been completed, and we, for the first time, will travel back to FL with our adopted son (on Thursday). Bittersweet.

Maybe now I can actually do a pennant and send it in...My dino-boy. My first birthday with no hugs and cards...

My two little ones are expecting cake later today, so I guess since I can't sleep, it's the next best thing to do. I really could care less, but I've always put on big elaborate parties for them...kind of what my mom used to do for us when we were younger.

Bree sang at church yesterday morning, and though she was nervous, she kept her eyes on me, and did so very well. Becoming quite a poised young lady. She is the only symbol I have left of the love her dad and I shared. How I miss him! It'll be seven years on the 23rd. For many years I was okay because I had the kids, then my boy died, and with him, a part of Jim....

As I was reflecting on the past year, it occured to me that while it was my most pain-filled year, it was also a time that showed me my strength- I had survived my worst nightmare. And there are days when I smile, and even am thankful for life. There is an ache that never seems to fade, but I am getting used to it, I guess, seeing as it is my constant companion. I brought Rohan into this world, and I held him as he left it. I hate the memory of his death, yet I treasure the memories of his last hours and minutes of this life. The absolute delight on his face, the glee, the joy, the life! Riding with his legs stretched out to the sides, huge grin, head thrown back enjoying being in the great outdoors...What a gift!

Thinking of each one of you, your children, your sorrows, and even the joys, and praying for you peace, wonderful memories, and the gift of hope-

Shelly, Rohan's Mama

[mysonrich]

Trudi, I can relate to a lot of which you write about. Not that Rich has a child here on earth but I was told that he had a child waiting for him in heaven. The g/f  lost the baby very early in her pregnancy and I was not aware of this until after Rich died but I did "feel" that something was very wrong in my son's life during that time period.

 

the injustice is what I feel you and I share. You not having the joy of Harmony in your life due to angry words , spoken in the depths of grief. The injustice of her mother not being able to forgive which, imo, will lead to a harden soul,heart. One which will may not be able to fully enjoy all the sits in front of her. I sincerely hope that she changes her mind and that you are able to enjoy you gran-daughter soon. ( no "d")

 

My hurt and angry so deep and in utter despair, knowing I may never fold my son's shirts or sit with others that may want to do the same. I also believe that Rich's money market came into play. So my hate stems from  greed, as I saw it, and the fact that someone, not a wife, but someone decided that I shouldn't be a part of Rich's final "business". Not for monetary gain but a right, a long held family right to care for our relatives, my sons, everything.

When i called her Trudi, pulled over to the side of the road with my cell, I do believe that if I had looked in the mirror my head would have been spinning 360 degrees and green vomit foaming at my lips. I can somewhat laugh now but it was and is not a laughing matter.

 

Over time I did apologize. That was all. My son is gone . The thing is, i forgave. Am I a better person then her. No, hell no but, in very small steps I am able to move forward. I feel sorry for Mikes g/f, that she may be forever stuck in that part of time.

 

 

Betsy,mysonRich

[heartbeataway]

Trudi,

Jason’s fiancee was also one who thought that $$ was somehow more important to us than our son’s life. We did inherit his small construction business and we took his four wheeler, his motorcycles and his Rubi. You could count on one hand the number of things we took from the house, his video camera, his belt buckle collection, the bag he had with him that weekend and the pictures that were displayed at the memorial.

To this day, I wonder what she did was the river rock that holds all the messages that were written at the Pavillion after his memorial.  She will not let us have them.  She has (or had) the Pottery Barn furniture they bought, his leather couch, chair and ottoman. His electronics.  All the things he had before he met her.  

When we were allowed back in the house to get the things that she didn’t want, his clothes were in a pile in the middle of the master bedroom floor.  And she and her friends sat on the front steps and in lawn chairs and watched as we moved his things from the house.  McDonalds bags and laughter all around.  If someone with her made a comment about something, she would take it and set it by one of their cars. I honestly believe the person she married was there that day.

When we were leaving the funeral home after making the arrangements for his memorial service, she sat in the front passenger seat and ask the question, Who do you think this is hardest on me or you guys?”

Rich responded that he thought it was devastating on everyone.  She said but, I lost my future.  I’m not sure what she thought he was to us ......

But now, at 3 years, 5 months since he left  she is married and has a baby due in December.  She managed to come up with a new future, we don’t have that option.  She was dating before the wedding date that she and Jason had set and it was six months after he left.

It’s too much for my itty bitty brain to comprehend ....... life moves on for some.  But I do know exactly what you mean when you talk about the sadness and a hope to be together once again.  

Shelley,

It’s good to see you posting again.  I wish you were close enough to hug.  That’s what I think everytime I read your postings. I just want to hug you and wish I could take all the pain away for you. I also hear sadness when you talk about Jim. I’m so sorry.  I have not had a sit down dinner since Jason left us.  I guess I’m not ready to face that empty chair.  Will it always be buffets?  I can’t answer that.  I don’t know.  Only time will tell.

 I hope the birthday at your house today has Happy in it. Blessings to you!  

Greg,

Why is it so many folks wack off the extended olive branch?  I agree they are big wankers.  Even though I have no idea what a wanker is! ;-)  

We meet with our lawyer today and hope to hear from the Detective also.  I can’t wrap my “itty bitty” around these legal wranglings and that we are involved in this.  THAT makes me angry if anything does.  When this young man needed a job, we gave him one.  When he needed more money for his family, we gave him a raise.  When he needed a trailer for his tools, etc.  We bought one.  When he wanted a 3-D computer software program so that he could present options to customers in a more professional format, we bought the software.  When he needed a laptop with more memory for the software, we bought him one.   While he was getting his  Class A  Contractors license and getting his new company going with business he was taking from our company, we paid him a competitive salary.  We literally paid him to start his business and take business away from us!  And this is what we get back ........ legal proceedings and the realization of how much he took from our (Jason’s) small company.  Mind boggling!

[hotrod]

Good Morning Everyone

 

Trudi:  I am so very sorry to hear about the response to your amends letter.  I know how painful that can be.  Knowing that you did everything in your power  to connect with your precious grand child is important.  Praying for your peace.

 

Shelley:  Good to hear from you.  I hope you enjoy your Birthday celebration.  I agree remembering the happy days when our children were so full of life and joy is a really special gift.  Have a safe trip back to the US and good luck with your flag

 

Have a Blessed Day

 

Betty

Stephen's Mom

[daniellemom]

Hello all my BI family,

I’ve been so busy lately and I’m trying to catch up on the post. We had my parent’s 50th wedding anniversary party on Saturday night. It was great. We set a table up for Danielle with pictures of her and my parents and the other grandchildren and a few with just her. It is wonderful to have a family that doesn’t mind saying her name and talking about her. My brother did the introductions of Mom and Dad and their children and grandchildren. Of course, Danielle was not left out. A few tears feel from my brother when he had to say Danielle and looked at her picture table but he said she was their in spirit. It was a great party. I was hoping to get some help from one of the “tech” people when we get the pictures back with the family if Danielle could be put in their some how?

Terrie – Prayers going out to Mike’s family.

Greg - Love your post and the golf things sounds great!

Trudi – So sorry to hear that the letter was not received well. What a piece of work this girl is. I too pray that she is not putting this on Harmony.

Rich’s Mom – the soup sounds great.

Marcia – Thanks for thinking of me. I’m just really busy these days I try to read each it day and I always think of each of you and your children.

Kathy – You did the right thing with Tavian. You are such a wonderful mi-mi and do what’s best for him.

Stephen’s Mom- the white rose story was just beautiful and I’m so glad that you were able to see them in bloom.

Carol – Thinking of you as Mike’s angel date is coming.

Dee – You love being a teacher because that is who you are you teach the children and school and then you teach us to walk this rough road we are on. Thank you for doing what you love and loving each of us while you do it.

It will be two years since I talked to Danielle and saw that beautiful face and those blue eyes or felt that wonder hug on Sunday October 11.

Sorry my post is so long today.

Love and prayers to each of you!

Sonya (Danielle’s Mom)

[welovedrew]

I am logged in today as Drew's mom, Mary, as I have offered to try to add Drew's avatar to her log in, along with posting the enlarged picture of Drew with his sister.  Perhaps when Mary sees this, she can go into edit on this post, and add the name of Drew's beautiful sister.  Mary said that they were very close, and this is the pic she wanted for his avatar.  I think it is a terrific picture, Mary, and the joy and love they share jumps right off the page at you. 

love and peace, carol  mikemomrs (posing as Drew's mom)

[mysonrich]

Beautiful Children Mary. Absolutely beautiful.

[daniellemom]

Mary

What beautiful children. Their love for each other jumps right off the page.

Carol - Thanks for posting this for Mary now I can see Drew and when I think of him I now see him. You are the greatest!

Sonya (Danielle's Mom)

[hotrod]

 

Mary:  I am so glad that we can now see Drew and his sister each time you post.  I always feel enriched with each picture.  Your children are beautiful 

 

Carol    It is so very special  that you were able to help Mary  and