Has loss turned anyone else into a serious night owl

[widower2]

I've generally been a late to bed/late to rise person anyway, but my loss took this to a new level...2-3 AM bed times are common for me, even now. I've gotten better about it at times, but it's been an ongoing battle. I guess it's going to that bedroom alone, it's so #### dark and depressing, I'd rather stay up until I'm so sleepy I just can't. When I had her/our dog afterwards, I got it under control because he was there (he slept with us and then with me after), and a tangible connection to her, but when I put him down, the late nights resurfaced.

Whine whine whine....why yes, I think I'll have some wine   Just wondering if this impacted others in this way

[LMR]

Oh. Yes. The first year when I was still in our home, I just went with it. Bed sometime around 3am, up about 2 hours later. I spent hours and hours watching NCIS. It didn't matter if I'd seen it before and it was something that we had never watched together. If I fell asleep on the sofa that was great. I had nothing to do anyway.

I still don't sleep much and need something to help, usually an antihistamine doing double duty!

[DotPark]

Oh yeah. Now I have this annoying habit of taking a pre-nap in the recliner from about 8 to midnight, then up for a few hours, then finally back to sleep. 

[KayC]

5 hours ago, widower2 said:

2-3 AM bed times are common for me, even now.

And I've turned the opposite...eat dinner at 4 and to sleep at 7, get up 2-3 am.  I love the early morning hours, all is quiet with the world.  You and I could house share and never see each other!

 

2 hours ago, LMR said:

an antihistamine doing double duty!

Yep, me too!  Only mine around 6:30 pm.

[widower2]

6 hours ago, DotPark said:

Oh yeah. Now I have this annoying habit of taking a pre-nap in the recliner from about 8 to midnight, then up for a few hours, then finally back to sleep. 

I sometimes get sleepy about 7 or 8 and fall asleep or close to it, but up quickly - that's worse because now I've caught my breath. I thought about just going to bed then, but it's too early; I'd be up in the middle of the night, and unlike Kay, I hate that time as I hate the dark. 

 

[RichS]

My typical routine is to go to bed around 11:30 or 12:00 midnight. I'll usually wake up from a dream anywhere from 2-5 AM. I'm not one to fall asleep right away so I get up, look at my laptop, then about an hour or two later, go back to bed. That second round usually takes me to around 7:00 to 9:00 AM, depending how I sleep. I don't often sleep straight through the night. I guess I'm a semi-night owl.

[Rey Dominguez Jr]

I am a late night person, also.  But then again, before Veronica passed, our bedtime tended to be anytime between midnight and 3 am.  Veronica had a very hard time turning her mind off and relaxing enough to get to sleep soon after midnight.  That and having to deal with a CPAP machine, which was not very comfortable for her.  After her passing, I cannot get myself to bed sooner than about 1 am, sooner, like midnight, if I have to drive early for the Red Cross.  Listen to music, review comments here on this forum, look at pictures of her, then read something on her Kindle e-reader or a Reader’s Digest.  I try to get up by 8:30 or 9:00 am.  I don’t always get a solid night’s sleep these days.

[widower2]

I can relate. I'm rarely up before 8:30-9 (despite work starting at 8:30 - God bless working from home!). Oddly alcohol doesn't work like you'd think it should to get me sleepy earlier.

[KayC]

I am, from the other end, I get UP in the wee hours when you're going to bed.  I WISH I could nap, but no...

[Sparky1]

Now that I'm retired I go to bed around 11:30 to 12. It's very rare to get a full night's sleep. On a good night I'll get 4 to 5 hours and sometimes doze off here and there, and then get up at whenever. Between 5 and 8 at the latest. My body is hard wired to get up early, for work I'd be up around 4:30 am and even then being tired, lucky if I got 5 hours sleep. Too many things racing in my head, that comfort of having my wife beside me is gone,  and my mind wanders non-stop.

[widower2]

Yes, my mind races a lot too. I'd been getting a little better but fallen back now, lucky to even get to bed by 3. Weekend mornings are more of a concept than reality. 

[KayC]

I slept 7 pm to 3 am last night, typical for me.  Usually wake up 2-3.

[Boggled]

(moved my post to the "beliefs" section 

[widower2]

It's "only" midnight here. Where is everybody   

[KayC]

They finally had the bridge lighting last night and I forgot!  Haven't had it for four years.  HORRID weather to be out in it though!

[RichS]

The one thing I miss about Fort Lauderdale is the annual boat parade up and down the intracoastal waterway. It's held either the 1st or second Saturday of December. Dozens of yachts go up and down the waterway; all decorated in Christmas lights. They always get some national celebrity to be the Grand Marshall of the parade.

[widower2]

The thing I miss is sleeping at a decent hour, ugh. I swear even vampires must look at me and go "dude, seriously"  

[KayC]

I woke up at midnight, laid there 2 1/4 hours more, that was it.  Just made coffee...

[RichS]

37 minutes ago, KayC said:

I woke up at midnight, laid there 2 1/4 hours more, that was it.  Just made coffee...

I've had nights like that. Problem is, by noon I'm dragging my feet............

[KayC]

It may TAKE me until noon to fully wake up!  Having coffee as we speak...

[RichS]

Caffeine is my drug of choice. It all started 35 years ago when Ross was cholicy (slept a little during the day, up most of the night). For a few months, Chris and I had to sleep in shifts to keep up with him. Coffee and cable TV got us through the night. At 2:00 or 3:00 AM in the morning, you'd be surprised how soothing "Leave It To Beaver" reruns sound to you.

[KayC]

Mine is Everybody Loves Raymond or Seinfeld.

[widower2]

15 hours ago, KayC said:

I woke up at midnight, laid there 2 1/4 hours more, that was it.  Just made coffee...

Wow I can't do that. If I lay there more than 10-15 mins I have to get up.

 

3 hours ago, KayC said:

Mine is Everybody Loves Raymond or Seinfeld.

Two of my fav shows. Actually Seinfeld was her fav, I didn't like it for the longest time, but eventually I "got it." And by extension a fan of Curb Your Enthusiasm too. 

[widower2]

And late night TV really needs to get better.........

[KayC]

All of it does.

[Sparky1]

What was that song from a long while back? One thousand channels on the TV and there's nothing on? Same here, I have to watch Netflix in the evening to waste the time before bed or else I'd go insane. When I was a kid we had channels 2 to 13 and every channel was decent. 

[RichS]

34 minutes ago, Sparky1 said:

When I was a kid we had channels 2 to 13 and every channel was decent.

Same thing here..............And then we were able to get some UHF channels (high numbered channels). In black and white of course. Too many reality shows today. I guess like pop-music and fashion styles, it's a reflection of where we are as a society. This year is an election year; so we get bombarded with political ads. Interestingly enough, watch a political debate on TV. Lots of yelling, threats, fear mongering and finger pointing. Then change the channel and watch pro wrestling. You couldn't tell the difference between the TWO! 

[Sparky1]

36 minutes ago, RichS said:

Then change the channel and watch pro wrestling.

Oddly enough pro wrestling is one of my favourite shows on regular TV. Everyone knows it's  ' scripted' but much better entertainment then all those repetitive reality shows. I guess they've run out of ingenuity so they have to recycle the same crap on every channel. 

[rlh]

Not a night owl (I wad in my younger years, but before my husband passed, I was usually in bed by 9 while he would be up until almost midnight), but my sleep is so poor right now that I'm wide awake for 2-3 hrs in the middle of the night. It's the worst.

[Griefsucks810]

10 hours ago, rlh said:

Not a night owl (I wad in my younger years, but before my husband passed, I was usually in bed by 9 while he would be up until almost midnight), but my sleep is so poor right now that I'm wide awake for 2-3 hrs in the middle of the night. It's the worst.

I was always a night owl and by the time I fell asleep it was time to get up and start the workday all over again. I’d run on fumes all day every day till I couldn’t do it anymore and pass out early in the evening from exhaustion. Since my husband died 4 years 5 months ago, my sleep is poor cuz it takes me a while to fall asleep and when I’m finally asleep my body wakes me up at least 2x’s per night and then the next thing I know it’s morning time and the sun is shining thru my blinds.  I sleep 5-6 hours per night. Don’t know the last time I slept thru the night or what it feels like without sleep interruption.  The more I try and go to sleep earlier the longer it takes me to fall asleep

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/8/2024 at 8:56 AM, Sparky1 said:

What was that song from a long while back? One thousand channels on the TV and there's nothing on? Same here, I have to watch Netflix in the evening to waste the time before bed or else I'd go insane. When I was a kid we had channels 2 to 13 and every channel was decent. 

I watch my crime show series all day and night cuz it makes the day go by and the evening come closer. I have Netflix, Hulu, Disney Plus and Max channels on my Roku tv - I just don’t have the patience to learn how each of these tv channels work or what’s on them. My daughter constantly tells me that I need to start watching other things on tv besides my crime shows.  Those were the good old days of having only certain tv channels to watch as a kid; we had channels 3,6,10, 12, 23, 29 and 57

[Griefsucks810]

5 minutes ago, Griefsucks810 said:

I was always a night owl and by the time I fell asleep it was time to get up and start the workday all over again. I’d run on fumes all day every day till I couldn’t do it anymore and pass out early in the evening from exhaustion. Since my husband died 4 years 5 months ago, my sleep is poor cuz it takes me a while to fall asleep and when I’m finally asleep my body wakes me up at least 2x’s per night and then the next thing I know it’s morning time and the sun is shining thru my blinds.  I sleep 5-6 hours per night. Don’t know the last time I slept thru the night or what it feels like without sleep interruption.  The more I try and go to sleep earlier the longer it takes me to fall asleep and I can’t seem to understand why my mind won’t shut off at night at a decent hour.  I just wanna sleep soundly like normal people do; it has been many years since I had slept an 8 hour night without being disrupted from my sleep. 

 

On 1/8/2024 at 10:16 AM, Sparky1 said:

Oddly enough pro wrestling is one of my favourite shows on regular TV. Everyone knows it's  ' scripted' but much better entertainment then all those repetitive reality shows. I guess they've run out of ingenuity so they have to recycle the same crap on every channel. 

 

[Griefsucks810]

On 12/6/2023 at 9:14 PM, widower2 said:

Wow I can't do that. If I lay there more than 10-15 mins I have to get up.

 

Two of my fav shows. Actually Seinfeld was her fav, I didn't like it for the longest time, but eventually I "got it." And by extension a fan of Curb Your Enthusiasm too. 

It takes me at least 1 hour per night or longer to fall asleep; I’ll lay in my bed and stay still so my body can get into a relaxing state; sometimes I’ll move back and forth till I get comfortable in my bed. I couldn’t get up out of bed after laying there for more than 10-15 minutes cuz then I’ll be up for hours on end. I take a mild sleep aid nightly along with my antidepressant medicine both of which are prescribed by my psychiatrist to help me sleep and to alleviate my anxiety and depression. 

[foreverhis]

This past year, it's been the reverse for me.

John and I were night owls because we were involved with music and theater.  After a performance, there's all this leftover adrenaline and energy, so most of us would go out for a bite to eat, a drink maybe, and dancing if we could find it.  That was my life from the age of 14 when I started in marching band freshman year of high school. (Side note:  Yay me for getting in as a freshman.  Our school was top tier, first or second in the state, in the large band division for both parades and field shows.  It was very competitive and everyone except section leaders had to audition in playing, marching, and field formations every year.  You had to be able to learn a new show for half time every week, plus the competition field show and parade marching and playing.  Fortunately, I was flute/piccolo section leader my senior year because I had been an exchange student in Norway from before finals in June until after school started in September.  I gave a list of my "must have" band members to the incoming drum major and asked him to audition and choose the rest.  But I digress, as usual...)  John's upbringing was the same in that regard, starting freshman year of high school.

In any case, on any given week we might have two to four rehearsal nights between us and eventually between the three or four of us if our daughter and/or my sister were involved.  (Second side note:  I was the one who dragged my baby sister into theater.  I was in the ensemble of a musical and the director decided that I needed a daughter as it was a period piece and my character was married.  I said, "No problem.  I know just the girl."  My sister and I were always close, so she was happy to be able to go with big sister, wear costumes and makeup, sing, and be part of that world.) 

If we were in performances, we'd have Thursday brush up, Friday performance, Saturday performance, and often double headers on Sunday, though Sunday evening performances started an hour early.  After rehearsals during the week, we'd take showers, quickly wind down, and were asleep before midnight.  Weekends when we had shows or concerts we were rarely home until after midnight.  When our daughter was young, she had wonderful babysitters, mostly family who would spoil the heck out of her until bedtime at 9 pm.  Of course, we took time off of performing to spend time with our daughter, but remained night owls.  As soon as our daughter was old enough, she got involved in music and theater as well, including high school marching band just like her daddy and me.  We did many shows as a family.  I think she was 10 for her first musical, which coincidentally included my mom and sister.  My mom played her mom, which was pretty amusing all around.

My night owl tendencies only got worse after I lost John because my insomnia was pretty bad.  Once I started taking a small dose of alprazolam at night, I got more sleep, but was still rarely able to get to sleep until well after midnight.  That didn't change until a certain feline came into my life.  She wants to go up to bed at about 10, so that's what we do.  We'll settle in and I'll read or watch a bit of TV, but I'm generally asleep by around 11:30 now.  My sister is mostly an early bird as an adult.  The first time she and my BIL visited after I adopted Cosi, she mentioned they were going to be up and planned to go for a small hike early.  I said, "Great.  I'll be up and have coffee with you."  She looked puzzled.  I said, "Oh yeah, I forgot to mention it.  I wouldn't adjust my circadian rhythm for any of you people, but I did for a cat."  She laughed.

[immortalgypsy]

On 1/8/2024 at 9:36 AM, RichS said:

Same thing here..............And then we were able to get some UHF channels (high numbered channels). In black and white of course. Too many reality shows today. I guess like pop-music and fashion styles, it's a reflection of where we are as a society. This year is an election year; so we get bombarded with political ads. Interestingly enough, watch a political debate on TV. Lots of yelling, threats, fear mongering and finger pointing. Then change the channel and watch pro wrestling. You couldn't tell the difference between the TWO! 

On 1/8/2024 at 10:16 AM, Sparky1 said:

Oddly enough pro wrestling is one of my favourite shows on regular TV. Everyone knows it's  ' scripted' but much better entertainment then all those repetitive reality shows. I guess they've run out of ingenuity so they have to recycle the same crap on every channel. 

I used to watch wrestling all the time with my dad when I was little. When I grew up and was in my 20s, right before I met my husband, my friend and I went to a wrestling match. The NWO was wrestling and we made this big glitter sign That had their name on it… To be young again …..

[Griefsucks810]

On 11/23/2023 at 7:45 PM, RichS said:

My typical routine is to go to bed around 11:30 or 12:00 midnight. I'll usually wake up from a dream anywhere from 2-5 AM. I'm not one to fall asleep right away so I get up, look at my laptop, then about an hour or two later, go back to bed. That second round usually takes me to around 7:00 to 9:00 AM, depending how I sleep. I don't often sleep straight through the night. I guess I'm a semi-night owl.

I’ve been trying my hardest to go to bed at 10pm each night and expect to fall asleep within the hour. This does not happen. It takes me too long to fall asleep and by the time I do it’s nearly daylight cuz the sky is now light instead of being dark. The sleep aid hasn’t helped me with my sleep either. Drinking caffeine free tea or taking a hot shower doesn’t put me in a state of relaxation.  What else can I do to have a regular sleep schedule? Any suggestions would be helpful. 

[widower2]

ugh. I'm no help for sure. Here I sit going on 3 AM again, have had more than a few drinks, and still not even tired. 

[KayC]

You're asking the struggle experts...I go to sleep at 7 so I can get some sleep. I wake up to pee and sometimes it's all over.  Last night I was lucky, I got back to sleep.  I take Trazodone at bedtime, but my trouble isn't getting to sleep, it's staying there or getting back to sleep.

[RichS]

Once I wake up in the middle of the night and have to go to the bathroom, I usually stay up for a while and read stuff on my laptop. Usually within two hours my eyes get tired and I'm ready to fall asleep again. Then I ususally sleep later in the morning; but if I have to wake up early to be somewhere (like I do today), I feel like a semi-zombie.

[rlh]

I've been waking around 4-430am and unable to get back to sleep. I also suck at napping, so I've been perpetually tired for 5 weeks.

[KayC]

I can't nap either.

[LMR]

9 hours ago, widower2 said:

ugh. I'm no help for sure. Here I sit going on 3 AM again, have had more than a few drinks, and still not even tired. 

I read a book when I go to bed and take a benadryl. With luck that combination sorts me out but there are some days when nothing will work. I am just SO wide awake. I don't know why that is.

[widower2]

I try Benedryl, but it doesn't seem to matter. A book is a good idea, but I've found as I've gotten older, I just don't have the patience or discipline to read much any more.

[KayC]

2 hours ago, widower2 said:

as I've gotten older, I just don't have the patience or discipline to read much any more.

Yep, I haven't read much since Arlie died.

And I also do Bendryl at bedtime.  But in the middle of the night sometimes, nothing seems to help.

[rlh]

3 hours ago, widower2 said:

I try Benedryl, but it doesn't seem to matter. A book is a good idea, but I've found as I've gotten older, I just don't have the patience or discipline to read much any more.

Maybe audiobooks would work? It would double as white noise. 

I find I'm able to focus on audiobooks better than reading a book these days (this was true before my husband passed as well)

[HisMunchkin]

I actually look forward to "reading time" before bed each night.  It's a moment of refuge for me.  I also take 1.5mg of melatonin to help me go to sleep if I have problems falling asleep.

[widower2]

28 minutes ago, rlh said:

Maybe audiobooks would work? It would double as white noise. 

Good idea but that would get kind of pricey.......

 

[rlh]

Just now, widower2 said:

Good idea but that would get kind of pricey.......

 

If you bought them, true. I usually get my audiobooks through my local library network.

[widower2]

ah got ya...unfortunately I'm quite a ways from any library. Not sure how I'd play them anyway; the only CD/DVD player I have is the one connected to the TV downstairs. I guess I could buy a portable player. It is a good idea overall!

[HisMunchkin]

1 hour ago, widower2 said:

Good idea but that would get kind of pricey.......

 

Check to see if your local library offer ebooks?  Mine does.  You can borrow them online so no need to go to the library except maybe to get your library card.

See here.  https://www.overdrive.com/apps/libby