What positive can you list today?

[KayC]

Hoping with you  Rich.

[Roxeanne]

I hope with you too Richs! It's so painful for a parent think to leave behind a defenseless child...

It's great that you try to find  a possible solution...

Fingers  crossed!

[KayC]

Concussion, headaches and throwing up, pulled muscle in my arm, broke skin in two of the three bumps on my noggin.

Thankful its not worse...

[RichS]

Kay, how did all of this happen? Were you moving some firewood?

[KayC]

Concussion, broke skin in three of the four places I hit plus have a pulled muscle in my arm, did a job on myself.

What I'm thankful for:  Not affecting my eyes or cognizance. Iris wanted me to look under a rock for her key, but the first one I checked, no key Or any of the rest of them. Accidentally pushed a boulder underneath the deck and I knew she wanted it to block the dogs getting under so tried to get it pulled back out but no leverage or strength. Got one of Mike's tools but too wimpy. So I scooted underneath it to get better leverage. Scooting forward is how I hit my head with great force. Couldn't get up, scooted backwards and crawled to something to pull myself up, that's how I pulled a muscle. Finally got up. Took from Tues to today to show up. Turns out the reason I didn't see a key is because she didn't tell me it was a key holder. That would have been a good piece of information to know! You have to physically look at the bottom to see it. When you pick it up and look under it, nothing is there. Never would have happened had I known.

 

[KayC]

Heard from my daughter last night, here she is with her friend Becca (Melissa is the blond) on Halloween:

[KayC]

The power went out today, I was addressing someone in the pet section when it went out, no power, no internet or phone, so used my cellphone to call the electric company.  I told her it was everyone up here and she told me to check my breaker box.  That's when I lost it and said, "Are you going to send someone up here or not!"  Good grief.  I'd already verified it wasn't just me.  And I love how they want your account # to report an outage.  Turn the power on and I can look it up for you!

Ate some cold eggs I'd fixed earlier, and walked Kodie, we had quite a walk, got soaking wet, I picked up all the branches in the road and on my property. Took 1 1/2 hours.
Very thankful it came back on (albeit just before bedtime)...now to get my Dish Network working...

Had already set the clocks back and had to do it again.

[widower2]

Yikes Kay! You need a generator  

Anyway, a silly trivial diversion for me, in case anyone else is interested: 

https://forums.grieving.com/topic/27007-a-brief-history-milestones-of-the-internet/

 

[KayC]

I have a generator but don't set it up for small outages.

[Alisond]

On 5/12/2023 at 9:48 AM, KayC said:

Mine is I'm meeting a friend for lunch, I haven't done that in months.  Nearly time to walk Kodie, another positive.

I have mentioned that I started practicing this day 11 after George died.  Sometimes I felt I was grasping at straws trying to find something.  Sometimes it was just making it through another day.  Sometimes something as innocuous as a stranger letting me merge in traffic! (I know, a real miracle, huh!) Sometimes a wave from a neighbor. Or loving the beauty of where I live.

What can YOU think of?

Please, no downers, let's keep this thread POSITIVE!

I found a church I want to go to. I  walked around a car show after. Hadn't been to a car show without my husband. So a big step. It was good.

[RichS]

Another thought hit me this morning:  In my 42 years of marriage to Chris, I feel that I gave it my best shot (as humanely as possible). She's not here to answer for herself, but I know she did for me as well. For some reason, it made me feel better in my grief. Yes, I know I've someone I've loved is gone; but I tried to make her life happy (as best as humanely possible) while she was married to me.

I guess care taking has taught me something about us: that each of us are card carrying members of the human race; and that imperfect as we are, we should take comfort knowing that we tried to make our partners happier while they were alive, even when they might not have always be feeling well. I'm sure a lot of you have felt that way, but it's a nice reminder that to all of us to be kinder to ourselves. I need that reminder from time to time.

[KayC]

And that is a huge positive to carry with you!

[Gail 8588]

RichS,

Rich I wholeheartedly agree with your comments.  Early in grief I could not see the truth of that.  But as I moved along in this process of learning how to live without my love, I did, and do, take comfort in the fact that we were there for each other in thick and thin.  

Guilt clouded my vision for several years (why didn't I do ... more,  better,  save him?)  but in time I did accept that I did the best I could and that is okay.  

Gail

 

 

[KayC]

Yep, me too..

[Alisond]

14 hours ago, RichS said:

Another thought hit me this morning:  In my 42 years of marriage to Chris, I feel that I gave it my best shot (as humanely as possible). She's not here to answer for herself, but I know she did for me as well. For some reason, it made me feel better in my grief. Yes, I know I've someone I've loved is gone; but I tried to make her life happy (as best as humanely possible) while she was married to me.

I guess care taking has taught me something about us: that each of us are card carrying members of the human race; and that imperfect as we are, we should take comfort knowing that we tried to make our partners happier while they were alive, even when they might not have always be feeling well. I'm sure a lot of you have felt that way, but it's a nice reminder that to all of us to be kinder to ourselves. I need that reminder from time to time.

I agree. Lately I've been ridden with guilt. How I'm not enough, how I could have given more in my marriage. Why didn't I? Now he's gone and I can't tell him again how much I loved him, how valuable he was, how he always impressed me even after 20 years. I  realize I'm stuck. Stuck. Looking at the glass half empty for so long. 

Now I'm trying to look at it as 3/4 full. I know in my head that my husband knew how much I loved him.

Especially that last year with his 2 knee replacements. He had waited so long; was bone on bone, a lot of constant pain. Only had about 3 months to enjoy them. But he knew how much I loved him. He even thanked me a few times for being there and putting up with him (he was not an easy man).

So that's the positive:

Trying to not beat myself up. Really understanding that I can't change ANYTHING that happened. And taking more teeny tiny steps towards healing.

[KayC]

And that is beautiful.  You are enough.

[Alisond]

My positive is waking up and not feeling as awful as 3 days ago.

[DotPark]

I worked the polls yesterday for 15 hours 🙃 and it was fun taking to neighbors and making new friends when people found out I was the Halloween house with the giant skelly and inflatable dragon. And my dear husband's political legacy was secured when a woman whose campaign he ran won the election. But my positive today is NOT TALKING TO ANYONE FOR THE ENTIRE DAY. Sheesh I am fried from so much chat yesterday.

One magical thing happened yesterday though. There's a 70ish woman I always notice at the polls because she is simply beautiful. And I've always told her that, so she remembers me. She asked last night how I was, in the offhand way strangers do when they don't expect a real response. And I told her about losing my husband. Then we had the sweetest conversation about death and divorce and loneliness. Because we don't truly know each other I could say brutally honest stuff to her, things I do not dare say to others. She understood. It was a connection and I'm grateful for it. 

[shawnt]

I was in the bush when the sunrise came , it's cloudy and cold here, but the sky and the world were infused with a beautiful pink hue I have never seen before.

The world is still full of wonders if you can wait and watch.

[RichS]

I'm still enjoying the fall foliage, even though there are a lot of leaves to rake.

[KayC]

My positive is my foot that I injured 8 days ago is feeling better and we were able to complete our whole walks today.  Also, Joseph came by and stacked the wood he brought this week.

[DotPark]

On 11/8/2023 at 9:21 AM, RichS said:

I'm still enjoying the fall foliage, even though there are a lot of leaves to rake.

I love raking leaves! Tires out my body so it matches my spirit.

[KayC]

I was able to go to the valley today and get my glasses adjusted and get gas and groceries.  Kodie was an angel and everyone wanted one like him.  I took him to the park before and after our trip, he deserved it.

My neighbor is going to air up my wheelbarrow tire tomorrow, it's been a couple of years, it might be okay but easier now than in the winter, so I cleared the stall near the shop (moved the car) and got the compressor ready to plug in.   I want to see what he does...

[Gail 8588]

I've been sick with a head cold/virus thing for 2 weeks and it is hard not to be discouraged. It's not covid, I've tested for that twice both times clearly negative. So I am grateful for that. 

The weather has been lovely down here in Tallahassee, so that makes me smile.  Cool night temperatures, mild days,  low humidity, gentle breezes.  Just wish I felt well enough to go out and enjoy it.  Also I don't want to give this plague to anyone else.

Bought more boxes of kleenex, OTC meds, and cans of chicken soup, so I guess I'm all set for the holiday weekend. 

[DotPark]

8 minutes ago, Gail 8588 said:

I've been sick with a head cold/virus thing for 2 weeks and it is hard not to be discouraged. It's not covid, I've tested for that twice both times clearly negative. So I am grateful for that. 

The weather has been lovely down here in Tallahassee, so that makes me smile.  Cool night temperatures, mild days,  low humidity, gentle breezes.  Just wish I felt well enough to go out and enjoy it.  Also I don't want to give this plague to anyone else.

Bought more boxes of kleenex, OTC meds, and cans of chicken soup, so I guess I'm all set for the holiday weekend. 

I'm sorry. It's awful to be sick and alone, and especially when the weather is so nice! I'm just getting over a sinus thing, I had to take a steroid for two weeks and wowser that was rough. Hope you are on the tail end of whatever's got you down.

[widower2]

7 hours ago, DotPark said:

I love raking leaves! 

You are welcome to my yard any time

Weather was like summer today, around 80 I think, crazy. However that's gone tomorrow as temps get back more in line with this time of year...

[RichS]

Spent a few hours tonight being a basketball gym attendant. One of those hours I spent coaching a 9-10 boys team (the regular coach was out of town so I subbed for him). Basketball is not my expertise; but I actually had a fun time doing it.

[MariePaul]

I am on day 4. My positive is that I slept for 3 hrs last night (1 more than the night before). I have my beautiful dog-child cuddled up to me as I type this.  Also I feel very lucky & privileged to have shared my amazing husbands life for the time that we had together. 

[KayC]

And that is a beautiful tribute to him.  My dog is my life now, but I treasure my memories of my husband and my life together, it's been 18 1/2 years since he died.

11 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I've been sick with a head cold/virus thing for 2 weeks and it is hard not to be discouraged.

I am so sorry, Gail, not fun in the least.  Tucking you in and hoping you can continue resting today!

[DotPark]

4 hours ago, MariePaul said:

I am on day 4. My positive is that I slept for 3 hrs last night (1 more than the night before). I have my beautiful dog-child cuddled up to me as I type this.  Also I feel very lucky & privileged to have shared my amazing husbands life for the time that we had together. 

Sleep seems to be the hardest thing. Glad you got a little more last night. Dogs are good company; my cats are all JERKS and no help whatsoever!😠

[KayC]

My neighbors are sick so won't be able to help me, I offered them some homemade soup which they declined.  

[Roxeanne]

7 hours ago, DotPark said:

cats are all JERKS and no help whatsoever!😠

Cats are badass! But my little tiger made me laugh and she was with me when my love was here and in my darkest moments after...i couldn't survive without her!💕

[KayC]

And I think of foreverhis and Cosi.  To be honest, all cats are different, I've had many, not a two alike.

[foreverhis]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

And I think of foreverhis and Cosi.  To be honest, all cats are different, I've had many, not a two alike.

So true! Every cat I have been owned by has been unique. Cosi is kind of like a combination of my first cat Lightning and John’s soul cat Penny. Yet she’s definitely her very own self.

[widower2]

8 hours ago, foreverhis said:

I had to chuckle about your cats.  What's that saying, "Dogs have owners, cats have staff"? 

The one I always remember is "having a dog is like having a child; having a cat is like having a teenager."

Quote

For a very, very long time, sleep was elusive

For me going to bed has remained extremely depressing and difficult; going to that dark empty bedroom alone...small wonder my bed time now averages around 2-3 AM, despite still working (thank God for working from home!). And this despite my nightly drinking. I asked for a Xanax prescription, but doctors are so resistant to prescribe things now days thanks to the media hype about people being addicted to things, they won't. At least mine won't. The few things I know could help I'm not allowed to have. Sometimes I wonder if I'm in Purgatory... 

[widower2]

Thanks, I appreciate it. It is frustrating. tbh probably part of it is my fault; he asked me this series of questions about my anxiety/etc and I tried to downplay it and act like I was "toughing it out" vs the melodramatic, "ouch mommy I got a paper cut, pls give me drugs" attitude that so many people seem to have now. 

OK back to positives   Tomorrow I have nothing on tap except college football (go PSU) and laundry. This wild life I live!

[MariePaul]

My positives for today are that I survived another day.  Last night I slept for 2.5 hrs, was awake for 3-4hrs and then (surprisingly) slept until 7.30am - so I had more sleep than I have all week. Also, for the first time since the trauma of Tuesday, I dreamt. My husband was in my dream as a faint, blurry background character. 

[KayC]

7 hours ago, widower2 said:

my bed time now averages around 2-3 AM

I get up before you go to bed!  I take a sleeping pill, it's good for about four hours, I got to sleep at 7 most nights.  Can't stay awake any longer.  Problem is, my trouble isn't going to sleep, it's staying asleep and that continues.

7 hours ago, widower2 said:

going to that dark empty bedroom alone

That's why after George died I went to sleeping on the recliner, the bed is a reminder of his place being empty.  We always slept in each other's arms.  Even when he was working nights, I could sleep then because he was still alive and with me in spirit.  

 

7 hours ago, widower2 said:

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in Purgatory... 

Or maybe the entrance to hell...but I have my puppy so I can't complain.  He's wonderul company.  Sometimes I wonder how in the world I'll survive his loss.  I can't go there.  Getting old sucks.

[SSC]

My positive is things are much better for me since I got my puppy.  I have been alone in my house for 5 years and resisted getting an animal/pet for various reasons.  One being my 14 year old Yorkie died 4 months before my husband did and I just didn’t know if I could do it again…you know what I mean…it’s almost like I didn’t want the responsibility alone also knowing one day they would pass away and I would have to go through that pain all over again…

Anyway, we are adjusting!  Because she is a rehome I am finding she was younger than they said, not as trained and very underfed.  It’s amazing how behaviors change when animals are well fed and cared for properly.  
 

Yes, she comes with responsibility but not feeling alone in my own home is such a comfort.  She has curbed my ptsd of my husband’s suicide immensely.  Walking her every day gives  me structure and a more enjoyable reason to walk.  She really is an emotional support (animal) for me that I didn’t know I needed.  This is why @KayCsuggests a pet in her welcome letter.  What a wise woman!  
 

And FWIW @widower2there really is something to be said about having another heartbeat in the house.  Well said! 🥰

[KayC]

I am so glad!  And glad your Yorkie got YOU!  

[RichS]

I sometimes wonder myself if living on this earth is Purgatory. Good and bad people live together and we’re all imperfect.

[DotPark]

Having a decent day. I raked for an hour and removed two barrows of rocks from a new flowerbed; brought treats to a neighbor in LTC; got a huge slice of 7-Up cake for dessert; and now I'm stuck on the couch because my blue-eyed cat is asleep on me. I wish Tom were here but I'm okay today. Tomorrow is 11 weeks.

[KayC]

Iris and Jazzy got back today, Kodie spun and spun and spun, he was so excited!

[KayC]

I got a phone call from a friend I rarely hear from anymore, the one who lost her son.

[shawnt]

Hard frost on the ground and a beautiful sunrise in the bush.

Edited November 13, 2023 by shawnt
Typo

[KayC]

Took Kodie to church with me, we were done on the platform/leading singing and at the end of the service, the pastor is leading the last song, and Kodie joined in!  He loved it, pretty cute.

[SSC]

I’d love to go to one of your church services just to see Kodie!  I’ve never been to a church where ppl bring animals.  How cool is that?!

[KayC]

He's a registered service dog  but we have three others, one is a service dog but the other two are just old and don't want away from their owner.

[DotPark]

I love Mondays. In 2002 my dear husband connected me with a homeless outreach that serves an outdoor meal on Mondays, and I still go downtown and help serve. For 14 years I was the "PB& J" lady, bringing 140,000 sandwiches to the meal. Now I bring water and hot dog buns. It's a little tricky now that it get dark so early...my eyes are not what they were...but I'll figure it out. So YIPPEE IT'S MONDAY!

[KayC]

Wow, that's a lot.  And I understand about the eyesight, I haven't had new glasses for over two years and have to wait until Spring as they're booked up.

I'm sure what you are doing is much appreciated!