Jump to content
Forum Conduct & Guidelines Document ×

What positive can you list today?


KayC

Recommended Posts

  • Moderators

Mine is I'm meeting a friend for lunch, I haven't done that in months.  Nearly time to walk Kodie, another positive.

I have mentioned that I started practicing this day 11 after George died.  Sometimes I felt I was grasping at straws trying to find something.  Sometimes it was just making it through another day.  Sometimes something as innocuous as a stranger letting me merge in traffic! (I know, a real miracle, huh!) Sometimes a wave from a neighbor. Or loving the beauty of where I live.

What can YOU think of?

Please, no downers, let's keep this thread POSITIVE!

  • Like 3
  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Replies 2.3k
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

  • KayC

    814

  • widower2

    287

  • RichS

    240

  • Gail 8588

    154

Top Posters In This Topic

  • Moderators

I know it's small in the grand scheme of things but I finally got an upgrade phone plan with more internet access (I basically have no cable service available and satellite companies want long contracts). And the weather has been amazing...

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Not small at all, widower2!  And Rich, that is great news!  

I was hoping everyone would chime in on this...

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

I love the intent of this thread but I can very well understand why some either cannot or have no desire to respond. If someone told me to list something positive in those early days I would have looked at them like they just grew a third arm. 

  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I had a good late shift yesterday, busy, but no violence, and afterwards I managed to catch my tram and bus in time so that I got home fairly quickly. This morning I got up early and went for a walk before sunrise which is my favorite time if the day. There was a mist hanging over the fields and all the birds were singing as if it was their last day. I have noticed I don't like to be among people much anymore, all their horrible perfumes and loudness, I find it very unpleasant. Give me birds anytime. Those were my positives, so far so good. 

  • Hugs 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
7 hours ago, widower2 said:

If someone told me to list something positive in those early days I would have looked at them like they just grew a third arm. 

Remember, I started practicing this on day 11.  I figure if I can, others can too. ;) 

It's a matter of training our minds...

5 hours ago, Shinka said:

Give me birds anytime.

There is a songbird in my mahogany tree just outside my patio, I can't see it but I LOVE it's song!  I want to see it but the foliage is too great.  I hope it continues to come here.  I'm glad you've found a happy place. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I don't want to sound all woohoo, but I think birds are great healers. Well, at least to me. Glad you have one nearby. Often when I have an early shift in winter and I'm out way before sunrise in the freezing cold, there's a bird (just the one) in the street that sings wonderfully. In the winter! It's almost as if it wants to tell me, hey, I'm up and about, you're not alone in this. 

  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I'll throw this one in as a positive. I saw the classic 1955 movie "Picnic" for the first time last night on TCM. I was never a movie buff so there are a ton of movies that I've never seen although interestingly, over these months of my loss, I have been finding some comfort from catching up on these old movies that I had heard about all my life but never took the time to sit and watch. Last night's movie did just that and when its most memorable moment happened...the Hal and Madge dance scene...my tears just poured at such beauty. I wonder if those making the movie actually knew the magic they created here.

 

  • Like 3
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
3 hours ago, DWS said:

Last night's movie did just that and when its most memorable moment happened...the Hal and Madge dance scene

I'm glad you had last night's movie and it met your expectations and then some!

1 hour ago, foreverhis said:

our group of friends finally all had a little time together

That sounds wonderful, so glad you all got that time together!  And now today's plans!  Sounds great!

And now today's for me...I've been fighting with my old internet company, they sent me an email on returning their equipment...today I couldn't find it. I looked high and low in my gmail, searching every word I could think of, the inbox, trash, spam, nothing. I can't imagine what google did with it!  Yesterday I tried to call Viasat and the AI hung up on me. Today I tried one last time, and I got a really sweet Filipino girl, she was so nice and helpful, she couldn't resend the email but told me the gist of it, even doublechecking where to return it when the box/label come (no UPS in town).  I told her had she been the one to answer the phone when I called a month ago, I'd still be their customer!  She made my day.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Yesterday's negative turned into kind of a positive today...yesterday my key case (one of those black ones with the remote junk inside, I think most people have them now) basically just cracked and crumbled in my hands. It was all I could do to hold it in a certain way and get it to turn over the car to get home. So today was calling around about either fixing it or getting another key...the dealership said another one was $275; I about fell out of my chair. But I found a key place who could make a new key but use the old electronics and put in a new case for $50ish. Whew. I was also afraid being an old car I might not be able to do it at all as I hear more and more manufacturers are stopping to make or keep parts for older cars, even as little as 10 yrs old, and I'd basically have no car or way to get around.  With covid making my mileage light these days, I was hoping this car would last but never thought that the reason it might not is a key.

  • Like 2
  • Hugs 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
7 minutes ago, widower2 said:

I hear more and more manufacturers are stopping to make or keep parts for older cars, even as little as 10 yrs old

Well, with my old model cars that leaves me in the real view mirror. We have a huge auto salvage yard in our area. Each time I go there, it saves me a lot of money.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

@widower2  So glad you found a way to get it done!  I like having a key for starting my car for that reason!  Mine's a 2016 Honda Civic.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Today I had breakfast and dinner.

My cat -- our cat -- is healthy and happy.

The antihistamine pills are working without side effects.

I have money.

I have clothes.

I biked 45 km / 28 mi today.

I have a bed to sleep on tonight.

@KayC Yes - about training our minds.

  • Like 3
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

And those are great things to be thankful for! Congrats on the long bike ride, that is great!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

The weather today was perfect; did some yard work. Always good to get out of the house, even if it's just the yard!  

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

You're so right! Took Kodie to rescue Jazzy from her kennel, there two hours enjoying the beauty and good weather, did Iris' dishes and cleaned up her kitchen.  Came home and ate and Iris called, wanted me to zip her into her chamber, so Kodie and I went back there, the two dogs played some more before we went home, I picked up branches, got the garbage out, made a casserole, overall a good day.  Bees are out and don't seem interested in the bee traps.  

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

I am so glad to hear both that you had a happy time with your dog AND that your car repair won't break you!  

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
6 hours ago, widower2 said:

It's like a mini-steak you don't have to cook or clean up after :)   

I love this thought, it brought me a smile.

6 hours ago, AJ4 said:

I saw  a very cute puppy who was so small he could climb into a shoe. 

And who could not love that!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
ThereIsAField

Well, I'm a bit over-tired now, because I was on night-shift at work last night, so no longer "feeling" the positivity right now... But today, at lunch, I hung up a hammock in the garden. I bought it a couple of years ago but never "got around" to hanging it up... sigh... But today was the day - and it was sooo lovely. It's the first time I've had my own hammock and boy was it cosy... Laying in the gentle May sunshine (not as hot as the summer sun) and being rocked gently to and fro in the hammock... with my dog sleeping next to me in the shade... bliss... I hope to put it to good use in the days and weeks to come.

  • Like 3
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
37 minutes ago, ThereIsAField said:

But today was the day - and it was sooo lovely.

I'm so glad you got your hammock hung and enjoyed it so much!

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Went to a winery today with a handful of people. Long drive to get there but it was really nice, very rural, and perfect weather. 

Looking forward to a few days off next weekend too. Don't have much planned, but just a break from work will be nice. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

What work do you do, @widower2?

Beautiful here, supposed to be a bit cooler this week.  I have a LONG drive today (six hours) leaving 11:30 pst and getting home 9-10 pm.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
On 5/13/2023 at 3:42 PM, DWS said:

when its most memorable moment happened...

I love great movies, me and my love loved see movie together...here one that made us laugh and still make me laugh...😂

  • Like 3
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

I loved Sophia Loren!  Haven't seen her on tv in forever!

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

She is 88 now...her last movie was in 2020, directed by one of her son.

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
4 hours ago, KayC said:

What work do you do, @widower2?

Beautiful here, supposed to be a bit cooler this week.  I have a LONG drive today (six hours) leaving 11:30 pst and getting home 9-10 pm.

I.T.  Yikes on the drive! I'm not sure I could even do that long of a drive anymore. 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Yeah, it IS a long drive but I go to my daughter's 1 1/4 hours away, then she drives the rest of the way, and same on the way home, so it's just the highway but I'm used to going to sleep at 7 pm and I've never left Kodie this long or late.  Can't take him to the recital and it'll be too hot to leave him in the car. ;)

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
38 minutes ago, widower2 said:

Yikes on the drive! I'm not sure I could even do that long of a drive anymore.

I discovered that last year, travelling from Florida to North Carolina. At this stage of my life, I don't skip "REST AREAS" anymore...................

  • Like 1
  • Haha 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Haha, we did hit one, it'd been over 1 1/2 hours since I'd left home so had to use one. Thankfully my daughter drove from her place, as GPS took us in circles when we got close and her phone app took us right there. ;)  Ceci did great with her recital and it was only 1 1/2 miles from my son's place, where we had burgers and he'd made one of his spectacular cakes, a Pokemon one this time (he said it had nine cups of sugar in the fondant/frosting!...not something I can imbibe in.  I'd made him and I peanut butter mug cakes with choc. chips and choc. syrup on top covered in choc. cheesecake, which is funny because the one he'd made was choc. with peanut butter buttercream frosting/fondant!

Got home 9:15 and Kodie was ecstatic to see me again so he could quit getting a head start on dying and put it off to another day.  My daughter and Iris checked to make sure I made it home, got Kodie peed and Panther fed and was asleep by 10...dragging today as I woke up at 3, done, ugh.

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
47 minutes ago, Sheilz said:

So far the only positive thing I can come up with is that I was able to get out of bed & the sun is shining.  This is my first post & I hope to be mentally able to continue this going forward.  It's only been 11 days so life is just so heartbreaking.

Welcome to our forum, you are fresh into this...it was day 11 when I started practicing finding something positive in each day.  I love how you were able to think of this so early on.  I know it's extremely tough right now, it will get better...someday.  Not well or as before, but I've learned not to compare as it's a real joy-killer...but it's pretty hard to think of that right now, it's just enough to get out of bed, get dressed, eat and drink some water. ;)
 

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

  • Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
  • Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
  • Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
  • Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
  • Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
  • Try not to isolate too much.  
  • There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
  • Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
  • Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
  • In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
  • Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
  • Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
  • Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
  • Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
  • Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
  • Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
  • Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

My positive today is I was invited over to Iris for scallops dinner, I'm bringing dessert! The dogs will have fun playing together.

  • Like 2
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members
foreverhis

My positive for today is that a good friend is coming over for dinner tonight. We’re making a fresh meal of the type I never cook for “just me.”   Then we’ll probably watch a movie or documentary.

My positive for yesterday was going out for kid meal burgers (1/4 lb and loaded with cheese and veggies!) and fries at a tiny, favorite local restaurant with a friend. We treat ourselves every 3-4 months. And then going home to a Raleigh afternoon with her dad coming over a little early so we could have a catch up visit and cup of tea.

My positive for the week is that I finally started to tackle the front planting bed that I haven’t touched since the rains started in late November. Sweaty, dirty work, but good to feel like I “did something.” Miss Cosi, however, does not like something about the plant or soil smells I bring in from that area, so she nudges me to take a shower right after.  She owns me, that much is quite clear.❤️

  • Like 2
  • Hugs 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

So happy to hear this, @foreverhis.  Gotta love cats!  Panther thinks I'm his person and Kodie's his dog too. ;)

@Gator M I understand the dilemma!  Might feel better if you do something for now, but I wouldn't change flooring, etc, just clean/plant.

  • Thanks 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Kay, so jealous about the dinner; I love scallops!

fh, one of my favorite things to do is go outside and trim bushes, trees, etc. I did that this afternoon. I also have these #$@ vines that are SO invasive, not sure what they are but they cling to trees/etc and "climb" up them in a twisty turny way. It's not kudzu, but it's invasive like that, so I go out and rip out what I can and get it off the trees and bushes. I also have a wisteria and it gets these long "shoots" off of some of the branches that have to be constantly trimmed back. 

Gator, I hear you, I get so tired of having to do those ordinary chores. ugh! I'd be tempted to hire a maid but it's not worth the cost/hassle, plus I'm really not comfortable with a stranger wandering about my place. 

I guess my positive is we got tomorrow off, so I get a 4-day weekend. I think I'll do a lot of nothing and not feel guilty about it.  :)   

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

I also have these #$@ vines that are SO invasive, not sure what they are but they cling to trees/etc and "climb" up them in a twisty turny way. It's not kudzu, but it's invasive like that, so I go out and rip out what I can and get it off the trees and bushes. I 

widower2, I have those too, and as it's a 1000m2 garden, that's a lot of ninja vines. Plus the grass had become almost as tall as I am, so I mustered up all my aggressive energy, took my electric scyth and went at it like a manic reaper. Felt pretty good about myself afterwards. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators

Aww, widower2, wish you could have had some!  I made chocolate mug cakes for dessert, topped with peanut butter and chocolate syrup, the cakes were moist, not dry, and decadent!  Her scallops cooked to perfection and served with white wine, I haven't had any in years, slept like a baby last night, eight hours!  The dogs played well while we ate, she truly lives in paradise.

Shinka, you did a number on those vines!  Wish I could have watched, my hands hurt just thinking about it, ha!

 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Members

Yesterday, I went for my appointment with a surgeon where he checked out my hernia and then we discussed whether I needed to get surgery right away or wait. Thankfully, it hasn't caused me much discomfort at all and the surgeon left it up to me when I would want to proceed getting it taken care of. He said something along the lines of "you likely could go eight or ten years without it disturbing you. The question is whether you should get it done now while you're still young and healthy or wait later on when you might not be." After that, I don't know what he said because I was so taken aback (enamoured?) by this young doctor saying those words that I think I climbed up on cloud nine. 

Quite honestly, part of my grief is the 2 x 4 that hit me waking me up to how old I am. I'm 61 now....60 when Tom passed away and he was 67. I know...or I guess felt...that his death aged me considerably. I would look in the mirror and kept seeing this old man staring back. This loss defeated me, knocked me down, shaken me like never before and has had me feel that my life is over.....and then some young surgeon hits me again yesterday with another 2 x 4 telling me that it isn't! I left the clinic feeling a whole lot lighter. 

  • Like 1
  • Hugs 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
3 hours ago, KayC said:

Aww, widower2, wish you could have had some!  I made chocolate mug cakes for dessert, topped with peanut butter and chocolate syrup, the cakes were moist, not dry, and decadent!  Her scallops cooked to perfection and served with white wine

Oh sure, rub it in!
 

;)

  • Haha 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderators
25 minutes ago, shawnt said:

Got to observe one of my son's start to turn into the man he will be. I was proud and I know his mother would have been to. Nice to see the gentleness his mother nurtured in him . That was my positive for yesterday. For today I think it being sunny will be enough.

Great that you can appreciate that. Re the weather, it was OK yesterday and went to a winery, nothing amazing but again good to get out. Today and tomorrow are supposed to be rainy, ugh. Might be a housework day. 

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now

×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

This site uses cookies We have placed cookies on your device to help make this website better. You can adjust your cookie settings, otherwise we'll assume you're okay to continue. and uses these terms of services Terms of Use.