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2 weeks 2/10/22




I'm still not ready to work on your story.  I'm still processing everything that is going on.  Tonight we went to Matt's 18th birthday.  I made it through and did not cry.  It was nice.  Monday I powered through work.  Tuesday I left at 3 and Wed I walked out at 1pm.  I left my lunch and coffee on my desk, computer on and ran out the door.  I went to the peninsula and watched the ice fishermen for hours.  I then went and found your dad.  He drove while I cried and screamed.  Then he took me to a bar and I had a couple of drinks.  I know you would hate that I drank but at that moment it did help to calm me down.  When I got home there was a card from the presbyterian preschool you went to  and Pastor Jean/lutheran church had just left.  She brought a card and gift from the congregation--a lovely stepping stone for the garden.  At 830 there was a knock on the door.  It was the 3 mormon missionaries.  The tall pretty one had been assigned to go to cranberry and they wanted to come see us before they left.  They had baked a batch of the best snickerdoodle cookies I have ever had.  They loved on the kitties and took pictures with snoop.  We have all decided he is the dog version of you.  They had also brought your baptism gift that they made for you.  A hand painted version of the book of mormon that they did for you.  They said you talked to them the night before you died and were excited to be baptized.  This broke my heart and they were so sad and miss you.  You touched so many people.  Anyway 3 churches in 1 day , you never cease to amaze with your gift to touch people.  I took this as a sign I should have faith.  Today I got up and took a shower and that was it, had a complete breakdown again.  I didn't go to work at all.  I actually called crisis and did speak to a counselor for over an hour.  It has been a better day since I spoke to someone.  I expect a call from the grief counselor with our appointment dates tomorrow.  I will once again attempt to go into work.  I refuse to let this beat me!  I am stronger than this and I will survive.  I will always love you.  I miss you with all my heart



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