Loss of an Adult Child

[Guest msnher]

I love this picture. Stephanie is holding Jordynn. Mariah is right next to Steph. I love the look on 2yr old Jasmine's face as she's ready to grab the dog. Amanda's holding her dog.

[ericasmom]

beautiful photo Sus, STeph and Amanda look very much alike.

Amy, good to see you tonight, I hope that you sleep well, kittycat dreams.

Carol, you need to be well, so sleep and rest and let others take care of you for a time, dream sweetly Carol.

[charsng1234]

Thanks dee for the talk I am so lonely it is so painful I feel so guilty. I think about him getting shot and falling thinking why was I not there to hold his hand!! I tell him how sorry I am for letting him fall and hit his head.. I was told I have power over my thoughts.. I sure wish I did. i have shane on my mind 24/7. I was mad at God today asking why me why my son.. I also think I am being punished because I was to happy. If only ppl knew the demons I fight everyday to survive. I have to go to work on Monday, I feel like they look at me like I should get over it get on with living again. I do try I just can't do it yet!!! I am so tired I want to stay in bed and cry scream and yell for my son!! BRING HIM BACK!!! Please god BRING HIM BACK!!!

[hotrod]

Dear Indigos

March 4th 1966, Stephen Marched 4th and captured my heart

There he remains to this day Never ever to depart

Happy Birthday Stephen

- My Wonderful Gift From God

[mysonrich]

Happy Birthday, Stephen!

Betty, I hear the weather is going to warm up today and we may feel a little Spring in the air. With the ache of your broken heart I have a hope that on this day, the warmth of Stephen, memory of his birth and life, find a way to you to soften this sorrow at missing him.

[mysonrich]

Carol, keeping you close in thought and prayer.

Indigo's, thinking of you all , our beautiful children. of the life that lives on.

[ericasmom]

Stephen, march on Dear Sweet Handsome Man, holding on to the heart that will always hold yours---give Mom that knowing that you are fine, beyond fine.

Happy Birthday Stephen Dear.

[ericasmom]

Betty, I love your wording, Stephen marched 4th. Will you take a birthday walk today in Central Park?

[lostwoher]

Stephen StePHen STEPHEN

Wishing you a very Happy Heavenly Birthday.

Im sure Kayla is next to you waiting to share a birthday dance

Sending cyber hugs to you Betty.

[lostwoher]

Oh my, where o where art thy Carol? Wishing you well my Sister Indigo

[shorty16]

Stephen, Stephen,

Stephen

Saying your name for all to hear. Singing a heavenly Happy Birthday to you and a great-big hug for your Mom.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[dwsmithrn]

good morning my indigo friends....i am here, at the beach town where nathan lived and died...oh, how i hate that word...i meant to say, left this world and entered a new world. how i wish i were there with him...so many days of sadness make me wish i were there with him. i know in my heart of hearts i could not do what he did, beacuse now i know what it does to those left behind, but this aching heart misses him so much i don't know how i am supposed to go on. i am forever changed. i don't know how i can be the same again...and how fair is that to my husband, my other children, my friends, my patients? i am not happy, i am sad, all the time....i cried in the car on the the 4 hour trek here...my son kept asking me, "mom, are you ok?", well, yes, and no....for so many reasons, on so many levels....he and his so sweet wife are trying, but there is nothing they can do to ease my pain. no one can. it is a permanent fixture within me. they are worried about me, health wise, but that is another story. grief does so many strange and crazy things to you...

i just want nathan back...i miss him so much and i cry too much and it is too sad and i feel too bad all the time....

today is 6 weeks and fridays are bad....I HATE FRIDAYS....hell, i hate most days now....so what the hell....i'm tired, i'm sick, i'm who knows what anymore...i give up...i just give up....life is not fun anymore....i have been here 12 hours and i already want to go home...i'm homesick, i miss my husband, my own bed and i want to go home...

i missed you all while not on the computer, and am told "we have a busy day" so who knows when i will get back on, so don't know how i'm supposed to get through today without you....H-E-L-P....please....diane

[Guest msnher]

HAPPY BELLY BUTTON DAY, STEPHEN! Fly by your momma today and let her know you're near. Hugs to you, Betty!

[Crystal16]

Stephen, Stephen, Stephen Let your Mom feel your presence today!

[Guest msnher]

Dear Sweet Diane, You are not alone...we are with you...walking right beside you, in spirit. Are you holding your breath? Might I suggest a few cleansing breaths when you catch yourself doing that. It won't take away the pain but perhaps give you the physical strength to take one more step. Also, if you are clenching your fists, unclenching them will allow the energy to flow through your body. Again, it won't take away the pain. It might even feel like you've released it through your body, but that is not so. Unclenching your fists allows the energy to move. Clenching them keeps it trapped. One might think that with opening u to allow the positive energy to flow would make us feel better. Well, in a normal situation it would. This is not a normal situation. These techniques will not take away the pain. What it does is allow enough positive energy through your body to help you take the next step. It should also free the tears to flow without restriction...without fighting to hold them back.

And, as Dee says...water...lots of water. There is life in water, too. (scientifically proven). Your mind will want to fight the life you are giving your body through the suggestions I've offered...but, your spirit will be strengthened enough to hold you up for a few more moments.

Love to you!! I ask that you be protected in the white light of Christ and that the angels of love hold you up and surround you as you take this difficult journey.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[Guest msnher]

I had Carol's phone numbers. I put them in a safe place. I don't remember where that safe place is! I was tempted to post on Ralph's Care page but I don't want to intrude on their privacy. Carol, you are in my prayers, Dear Friend!

[Crystal16]

Hello My friends

Stopping in to say hello and let you all know that I am thinking of you all. Later this afternoon going to the Iron Horseman for Bike week. I have not seen a sign from Ashlee yet but not feeling so restless either. The band bad company is playing tonight so I'm anxious to hear them.

Diane/Sharon/Crystal,

Your not alone all three of you are going through the many early emotions that we have all encountered. I pray you feel some sense of peace today and know God has your Angels enveloping you in some way.

[dwsmithrn]

sus and crystal....thank you....i will try, just try is all i can do...one foot in front of the other...my son has trouble looking at me when i am crying...it upsets him and he cries, too....not what i intend, but he is grieving the loss of his brother and best friend, and as i told him, it is good for him to cry, too. this is a tremendous tradegy on our entire family....how we each get through is different, so to each his own. i just know i have to do it my way, and not one of them will ever understand what i am feeling....i miss my child.

i will try to chat later.....diane

[Crystal16]

Diane- We are here for you love... I pray Nathan spirit finds you sweetie!!!

[crystalann]

Diane I am in those feelings with you. I miss him so much. Sometime I do wish I was with him, but that would hurt my kids worse than what they feel now. Sometimes I feel like noone wants to be around me do to my constant crying my son leaves and my daughter goes to her room I think if you could just stop crying they would sit with you. When they do its like everyone keeps the seat next to me open cause thats where Tyler would sit. I dont know what is worse sitting alone or sitting with everyone and noticeing Tyler isnt there. So I hold back the tears tell they leave for school. Lucy brought the year book page they are doing at the school.it felt like it crushed me it was nice they are even going to but the footprints poem in. Each of my 4 kids said a verse at my moms memorial it was her favorite. I hope you all have a good day thanks for being here

[shorty16]

Crystal (Ashlee's Mom) - I love the band Bad Company. I am hoping you will go and at least one note of their songs will touch your heart and allow you to smile for your beautiful daughter.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[westleysmom]

Happy Heavenly Birthday STEPHEN! Send your light to your Mom who misses you so.

Betty-All my heart to you today as you remember the blessed day of Stephen's birth and all the years of his life. May the happy memories comfort you and bring you peace.

[ericasmom]

Crystal, so glad that you are going to listen to BAD COMPANY tonight, your Girl will be dancing all around you, perhaps you might feel the tingling sensation I receive when Eri is close by. Prayers for your day.

Diane, hang on Sweetie, the kids are doing what is best for them in this twisted journey of grief, and it involves having you near. Including you in their day on the beach where your Boy Nathan loved and left...there cannot be too many tears Diane, if they flow they were meant to flow, trying to hold them back is the job of the HOOVER DAM and so let them flow, but replace the water and as Sus suggested, open your fists up, unclench your jaw if you can. Sometimes sucking on a lozenge allows your jaw to unclench. Open your palms to the sky, inviting good energy in. Ask the powers that be to enter you and help you to walk this path gaining strength as you do. Tip your face to the sky, stretch your eyes, and shut them to let them rest, open and stretch your view to the horizon line, name all that you see. When we acknowledge the natural world around us, we are seeing and reaffirming that life does go on within and without us, try to listen to the waves and breathe with them. No, your life will never return to how it was, it can't but you will find new ways to live and new purposes too. Promise.

I suggest reading: Name All the Animals by Alison Smith---memoir the loss of a son/brother written by sister

Carol, I do hope that today finds you better.

Sus, so much for safe keeping of numbers hu?

[westleysmom]

Sending get well wishes to Carol and hoping that we hear from her soon that she is feeling better.

Crystal (Ashlee's Mom)-Love Bad Company too. We saw them once in the 70s (I'm so old!) I hope you have a good time and the weather is nice.

Colleen-Do you hear from Trevor? I don't want to bring up anything that might be a sore spot, but Westley's friend that I'd been trying to help is in jail. It is making me feel so sad and down that I can't do anything to help him much right now. I suppose I just want to help somebody since I can't do anything for Westley anymore. His friend told me Monday night that Westley always tried to help him, and that he felt that Westley was still helping him through us (his Mom and Dad) and everytime I think about it, I just want to fall apart. Help somebody? Me? I couldn't even help my own son who's gone now because of it. Anyway, I hope that Trevor is doing okay and getting things straightened out in his life. It is so hard for these boys when they lose their way to find it again.

Dee-Your telling of the days near the end of Erica's life always bring me to tears. If there was any beauty in the day that Westley died, I failed to see it. Hell, if there's any beauty in today, I probably won't see it. I am struggling to breathe a lot of the time, in a different way than the newest members that we have. The burden of the fact of his death is no longer new and unexpected, but it seems to grow heavier each day. It pushes me down and slows my thoughts and makes me wonder what the point is in going on and doing much of anything. I feel that I have outlived my usefulness, such as it was.

Diane, Crystal, Sharon-Don't mean to scare the hell out of you about what comes next. I think its different for everyone, and I may be struggling so much now because I had to jump right back into my life. Westley's birthday was 6 days after he died, and that was my last day off before coming back to work full time. Our office is very small and I have to do a lot of stuff that has deadlines and decisions, so I had to get back to it. I have taken a few days off since then, but nothing like a vacation. At first I hated Wednesdays (Jan 13 was a Wednesday) and weekends (too much time on my hands), but that has faded somewhat. The first major holiday after (Easter) was very hard, even though I had my granddaughter to hide Easter eggs for. That brought back memories of when he was that age, it was very hard. Each "first" holiday was very hard, memories of holidays past kept coming to me without warning. Don't try to do too much too soon, and try to only be around people that really get it. Sometimes it seems that strangers have more sympathy because they don't have a vested interest in your happiness. I wish like hell I was the last new person that had to find this place, I would not wish this on anyone. You all are in my thoughts each day as you find your way back to life. Peace and hugs to you and all new parents to the site.

[charsng1234]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STEPHEN!! PLEASE LET YOUR MOM FEEL YOUR ARMS AROUND YOU TODAY!! I found a old texts back in november on my phone from shane some were just yes or no answers, than I found one.. I LOVE YOU MOM!! It makes me happy but breaks my heart that was in November, It was on my old phone I charged it for my daughter to use...My mom is here were going to the grand canyon scared to death dony want to go that far from home.. I have Shanes ashes here I almost want to take him with me.. I dont want to leave him again. I hate this feeling in my chest...To all here thanks for listening to me.. wont be back on till Sunday night..Sharon shanes mom forever!!!

[Guest msnher]

Rambling....sounds New Agey...but,

I've been thinking about the ego. I was driving somewhere several days ago and I was questioning why I grieve my daughter's death so deeply when I know she is very much alive. Why do I grieve so horridly when I've had so many magestic, supernatural experiences. Indeed, my Creator owes me no explanation and has never offered one in the past. However, I feel I was given the answer to Stephanie's death. I believe the pieces of the puzzle were put together. From the bird thing to my dream/visit to the heavenly realm and everything inbetween...why then, would I still hurt so badly. Those were the thoughts I was pondering that day in my car. The answer I THINK I received was it's my ego that grieves. My ego fears death and separation. My soul, my higher self, knows there is no such thing as death. My higher self knows there is no such thing as separation. But, this body, this mind, this ego knows not. And, since I live in a physical world I react in physical grief.

Hmmmm. Interesting. I suppose, if that is true, then the way to overcome the ego (or the flesh) is to dwell in the most high...the spiritual. I suppose the way to do that is through meditation, positive influence, nature, good company, etc.

Two spiritual stories come to mind as I type this rambling this morning. One is the story of Jesus when he was told his friend, Lazarus, had died. He absolutely knew he would raise him from the dead in just a few moments. I believe that to be true. Yet, the shortest scripture in the bible says, "Jesus wept". There have been many teachings about this scripture. Some think he wept because he was saddened by his followers lack of faith. I think he wept because he was showing us we have to grieve. Despite what we believe or what we think we know. I believe grieving is a spiritual law unto itself. "Blessed are they that mourn for they shall be comforted".

The other story is one of a buddhist monk. He was a master teacher and had many followers. As most know, buddhists believe in reincarnation and the continuance of life. There came a day when the buddhist's monk's teacher grew old, sickly and died. As the monk sat beside the body of his teacher, he wept. A scoffer asked him why he cried considering his beliefs. The monk's reply was simply, "I am sad."

As I sort my own beliefs out in my mind through this rambling I come to the conclusion that there is, indeed, more to life than what we experience in the physical world. But, we are here to experience this physical world...and, yet grow spiritually (or non physically).

We are supposed to grieve. We are supposed to cry. "This, too, shall pass." Maybe not on this side of life, but this time of sorrow will pass. We are all part of a greater plan. And, our children, now know that plan. I believe they have guided us to each other. I believe they never leave us. And, yet, we are still suppose to mourn their physical absense.

In THIS mind, this ego, it makes little sense. Why not just allow them to stay so we don't have to hurt? But, in the spiritual,, there is perfect order.

Okay, I'm getting on my own nerves. I'm going to shower and try to go out in public today. I'll let you know if I make it. Oh, wise one that I am.

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[dwsmithrn]

hi...to ALL of you who posted a reply to me today (and everyday, for that matter)...i am hanging in...the grandkids just won't leave me alone, and i say that in a good way....they are precious and adorable and call me "granmudder"....they are so cute and do make me smile....but today is friday and i still have tears...i can't control when they come and go....the little one hasn't a clue...she is 14 months old...the older one is just 2 1/2 and he just doesn't know why i cry....bless their little hearts and souls...i don't even try to hold the tears back at this point...it is what it is...

thank you for listening and for reading and responding....i do read your replies and i do take them to heart....i am living each day as i can, but not more than i can....i want so much to find nathan here, in this place...i want him to show himself to me and let me know he is ok and he is happy and no longer sad. maybe if i knew that in some small way i could not be quite as sad....oh, well, sadness will never leave me, i know, but in small way, i wish he would let himself known to me...maybe it would help a little. just a little....i'm waiting....

to all the newbies, i am with you and thinking about you...i watch karen's video of our angels everyday, many times and i think about all of us and wonder how we came to be here....why do we have to be here...how is this possible and why were we forsaken? i am still mad at god and wonder why this had to happen...why? this is the million dollar question, but a million dollars doesn't bring nathan back to me....my sweet, loving, caring nathan....how and why was he so sad.....i miss him so much...i want this burning heartache to stop....i want fridays to go away, i want to go home....

sorry, here i am again....rambling on and on and others have the same feeling i do....i think of you all, and i feel for all of you. i really do....when i cry, i cry for all of you as well....

diane

[Guest msnher]

Just got off the phone with my eldest child, Amanda - she lives in New Hampshire. She called to thank me for being her mom. She witnessed a mother humiliating and berating her teenage daughter in public and thought to herself she was sure glad she had the mother she had. I reminded her that I made a lot of mistakes. She agreed but said "you were a good mom".

Grateful right now.

[ericasmom]

Well Sus, that was nice that Amanda just called to say that, nothing better for the heart than that.

just read of a young boy in michigan, near where Eri lived, was playing basketball for his highschool, put the winning basket in and collapsed, died right there. It sounds like his heart just stopped. poor family, poor friends. Prayers.

Peace to all, the skies are going to open and rain soon, so I am going to leave school and get home soon.

Love ya's

[daveydow1]

HAPPY HEAVENLY BIRTHDAY, STEPHEN. SMILE DOWN ON YOUR DEAR MOM, AND WARM

HER HEART. Betty.......thinking of you today, dear Indigo friend.

Amy-----My,..... 14 yrs. is a good long time for an outside cat to live, and I completely understand why she had

to become your outside cat. Some cats just will not use the litter box. Most do, but some simply refuse to

adapt to it.....making it totally necessary for them to live outside. I'm sorry your kitty died, but as the medium

said........kitty and Ashley are together again........just like the poem "Rainbow Bridge"......(our vets gave us a

copy of the poem when we had to have a kitty put to sleep several years ago).

Sharon-----It is entirely understandable that you are thinking of Shane so much. The early days, weeks, months,

are like that, I think. I know it was that way for me. Sending prayers for you comfort.

Carol------Thoughts & prayers, friend.

Dee--- Oh, friend......no need to explain about acceptance. Your story of Eri's last days/hours is very touching.

I try to put myself in that very gut-wrenching position of letting your beloved child go, and I think it would be so terribly

hard. Little Lisas lived just 24 hrs. after she choked. She also was on life support, and I nearly died to see that little

chest struggling so, to have normal respirations. We, however, did not get to the point of having to make that terrible

decision to let her go, as she just slipped away on her own.....another angel to heaven. My husband said that her

spirit passed through him on her way there. He, also, was not one to believe in many things spiritual, but he told

me about her spirit passing through him, and I believed him. Just as you saw the lovely pink clouds in the sky, and

knew that it was dear sweet ERi winging her way up. -Love those cacti plants........but still haven't been able to identify

the one that I had with the thorns shaped like thorns on a rosebush, but they were very rubbery/soft, and would not hurt

a bit if you accidentally touched one. It was not like what was described as a Christmas cactus.......no droopy leaves,

and the flowers were definitely a dk. burgundy red shade. Maybe it was some sort of hybrid.......(if there is such a thing in cacti).

More rain expected, .......possible flooding......I hope not.

PEACE,.... AND A RESTFUL NIGHT TO ALL IN THE BI FAMILY.

Davey&Lisasmom, Sherry

[daveydow1]

Dee------- I believe we posted at the same time.......Prayers for the family of the young man who collapsed and died while playing in a

basketball game. Oh, that poor family. So sad, and so very unexpected. My heart goes out to them.

Sherry

[aim630]

Happy Birthday Stephen! Let your mom feel your presence today as she remembers and celebrates your life!

Betty-Thinking about you today and sending hugs your way.

Diane-Hoping you feel some sign of Nathan this weekend, but if you don't, know that he is still there. I haven't really felt any signs of Ashley in the past year (only in my dreams), but I still believe she is there. Know that we are all thinking of you.

Dee-I also read that story about the boy dying right after making the game winning shot. His parents must have been so excited at first, then horrified as they realized what was happening. It brings tears to my eyes, thinking about it. Sometimes I feel so sorry for myself because of what happened to Ashley, then I realize it could have been worse. I just wish none of us had to go through this at all.

Sherry-We have another outside cat who is the brother of the one that died. They just never used their litter box. We set up a doghouse for them with lots of straw, and brought them in when it was really cold. They pretty much stayed around our house & did not wander. (and they were both fixed). (trying to ease my guilt a little-I really hate them being outside).I am so sorry you had to watch little Lisa slip away, and then had to go through this all over again with Davey.

Susannah-Thanks for your words of wisdom, as always. I wish I had such insight. What you said makes perfect sense, and it made me smile and cry at the same time.

My mom asked me to help her write a resume tomorrow. Mind you, she has not worked in 26 years since my brother was a baby. Awful big gap there...She worked as a florist, and even had her own small business doing weddings, but it's been a really long time. She did both the flowers and cake for my wedding & saved me a ton of money.

Good night all,

Amy/Ashley's mom

[nicksdad]

[mikesmum]

Just had an email from Ralph, Carols other half. She has been to the emergency room twice in these past days. Gastro type bug I'm thinking. They are giving her IV fluids and meds and sending her home. She is due back at the doctors 5.30pm US time. Will let you know if there is any news.

Carol has been a 'carer' forever. She nursed Mike, her beloved only boy through the last months of his illness. She has been taken on another ride with Ralphs health. Seeing him through major surgery, supporting his 'new healthy lifestyle' while balancing the mum grandma thingy as well.

Please wrap your love and light around this woman. I met her in MN with a band of incredibly strong and loving Indigo's, she is one heck of a lady.

For Betty ~ May Stephen find a way to let you know today he is thinking of you....Squirrels in the park? Maybe?

Amy - Just a thought when you're helping your mum with the resume. I took 12 yrs off to be with my kids. I filled my 'gap' based on the skills I used in those 12 yrs. Much of being a mum revolves around things like 'time management' conflict resolution, economic balance, multitasking working independantly from any support network... Hope you are able to link her 26yrs in with skills that an employer will welcome.

Cooking up a storm and cleaning like a crazy woman while reading Psychology for dummies (lol) only joking. Zak's birthday party is tomorrow, he will be 9. Took him shopping yesterday...one on one time is precious....

Sun shining, back to the kitchen.....yes Muttley has been walked.....Peace Indigos.

[Guest msnher]

Trudi - Please let Ralph/Carol know she is deep in our hearts and prayers. I'm sure you've already told them. I've never met her but I have no doubt how special she is.

Well, I ventured out in public. Didn't care for it.

Love to all!

Susannah/Stephanie's mom

[summergirl]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR STEPHEN....SWEET BUTTERFLY KISSES FOR YOUR MOM TODAY SO SHE KNOWS YOU ARE SAFE AMONG THE HEAVENS WITH ALL OUR ANGELS....

[briansdad]

Off to the track in Little Victories.Happy Birthday Steven

[summergirl]

Hello Dear Indigos - Praying for you Carol, you are so loved, such a giving wonderful woman who deserves a break. Hugging you and keeping you always in myt heart.

Suz - a "puff-back" is smoke, thank goodness no fire !! A bit of cleaning to do but have gotten most of it taken care of....Just glad it happened when Barry was at home or we would have had to move out for a few days while the cleaning crew came in. All better now.

My heart breaks each time I come here and read the posts from all the new here....I wish I could take some of your pain aways for a while so you could have a bit of peace, just for a little while because I could not handle more then a little while. Reading your posts takes me back to where I have already been, that is why I can really say "I know how you feel" and mean it. I do not know the reason why this happened to any of us and I often think of the thousands who have not found this site and are possibly out there suffering alone.....it makes me feel blessed to have been led here....to be among you all......Please take care.

Tavian is watching a movie called "Coraline" - it is cute and he is totally absorbed in it....laying on the couch quiet as can be. Love that boy...

Love, strength and peace to all, Kathy

[shorty16]

Kathy

I saw the movie Coraline - I loved it - Good choice

Colleen

[ericasmom]

Trudi, thanks for telling us about sweet Carol, I hope that she is doing better tonight, how is Ralph handling this whole thing? I wonder if Cathi is able to help out so as not to over do for Ralph. Goodness knows Carol is probably more worried about Ralph being okay than she is herself. CAROL, I LOVE YOU.

Trud, tell Zak that being 9 is awfully cool. The kids in my class love turning 9, one did today in fact, her name is Lily. Plus, 9 is just a neat number. It has all sorts of math tricks for multiplication in the 9's tables and anything divisible by 9 also adds up to 9 when you add the parts. (9x6=54 and 5+4=9). It is just cool being 9.

Sherri, I want to find out what kind of plant you are remembering...I will have to look some cacti up tomorrow.

I am glad that your husband felt Lisa's spirit go through him, and that he told you so. Very dear. I wish you didn't have to grieve two Children Sher, their little white souls are smiling down on you.

I am going to bed now, very tired, but had a nice dinner with husband and Jon and Shan. Relaxed and warm against a rainy cold night. It got to 56 degrees today and then the wind blew adn it is cold and rainy. That gets right under my skin and chills me to the quick. I am going to wrap up in a blanket nest, at least until a hot flash finds me overheated...

[hotrod]

Good Evening Indigos

My heart is so full because of your kind and generous celebration of Stephen's Birthday

Thank you Thank You Thank You. Each expression cheered and warmed my heart. .

Nick ,as usual your tribute was so very special What a talent you have!!!

Greg thanks for the Little Victories mention (It was the love of his life) and Betsy loved the car .Thanks

Dee, Trudi, Amy. Crystal. Colleen, Sherry, Kathy, Crystal, Karen, Sharon, Rhonda, Sus,Lynn and all Indigo I am humbled by your kindness and generous spirit and creative words.

How fortunate I am to have found this compassionate family

Thank you all again

[mysonrich]

Hello Indigo's, stopping in to say hello. Temp is supposed to reach 51 today so I plan on getting out for a while. Rain,snow,sleet, puddles are hell on shoes/boots so that is a must do today.

Amy,Diane, Sharon, I am here with you. I read along and share your pain and grief. There are times when I am lacking words, feeling unable to help in any way but by being here with you.

Dee , Betty and Sherry, I have a Christmas cactus too. I picked it up the last Christmas Rich was here. As I read your posts I glanced up and yes, it needs water. Those days in 2008 were filled with the excitement of Christmas day to come. A little plant added to my windowsill was just a small pleasure of the season.maybe it wilts now because I feel wilted. Tender loving care is what it needs and I will remember to care for myself as well. As we all should.

Betty, I didn't know I was feeling unhealthy until I started the new BP med's. Now,having a full week or more in my system I think to myself,” wow. I feel much better”.

I'll check in later Indigos. Tomorrow we are back to winter type weather. I have to get while I have the chance.

[Guest msnher]

Quote by Dennis LeHane

'And often the worst thing wasn't the victims--they were dead, after all, and beyond any more pain. The worst thing was those who loved them and survived them. Often the walking dead from now on, shell-shocked, hearts ruptured, stumbling through the remainder of their lives without anything left inside of them bu...t blood and organs, impervious to pain, having learned nothing except that the worst things did, in fact, sometimes happen. (Mystic River)'

I copied it from a friend's facebook...

[ericasmom]

Good quote Sus. Fitting at this time of so many new to this walk.

Betsy, so glad that you are feeling better, that is a gift to notice the change. Yep the winter weather is coming tomorrow to you as it is here today. We hit the upper 50's yesterday, today, it is wind swept and cold and gray. But that little respite in the weather was a good little reminder that spring really will come, it is a promise for some time ahead, don't know when but it is a promise.

Betty, you are a wonderful sister.

I looked up some succulents and cactus up last evening, wow, I had forgotten how very cool and unusual some of these are. I may have to go get some new plants as I felt inspired. Our home is filled with plants, as is our garden in the spring and summer months. Some of our hanging baskets from the deck are hanging in our bathroom that gets a great sun through the day adn they are flowering all the time. Except for the constant leaves on the floor, I love having blooming plants in the winter.

[crystalann]

Morning all. I managed to do another album it took forever. It is so hard looking at his pics and knowing thats all I have left of him.I am off to see my husband today miss him so.It is a2 hour drive dont like being in the car I always get a bad feeling I am leaveing something behind . I am so thankful I found this place.I am always helping everyone thru this hideing what I feel so they can feel.Thanks for letting me feel and listening and careing

[shorty16]

Tyler's Mom

Thank you for posting your inner-most feelings with us. It is kinds wierd how I feel closer to these people that I have never met than to some of my own extended family?

You are doing exactly what needs to be done - getting out into the world. For us, this is a new world, different, sad, but with people who need us as much as we need them.

Indigos,

Well, we have another 1-2 inches of snow on the ground. I can remember snow storms in May in Wisconsin. We have pictures of the kids in snow suits watching the Memorial Day Parade - Only in the Great White North of the USA.

Hubbie is up with his Mom, left last night. I am glad he spends quality time with his Mom.

Thinking of the newbies to this jouney. Hang in there - the light does come back and it does take work on your part. A new world is waiting and we can either hide from it or make it into what we can.

Colleen, Brian's Mother Forever

[ericasmom]

Colleen, with your comment on how there is light in the world, it takes work...makes my heart sing because I do remember when you came here, you were pretty sure that there would never be light again, and your saying this is hope for all those taking hold of your lead. You have worked so hard, and we celebrate your efforts and your gains. Wonderful to read these words from you. Brian must be grinning, the grin he inherited from you by the way. Now I am home from the gym and thinking my goodness it is cold out today, read that Col has snow, and sure enough it is snowing out, trees are swaying and in the background, the ridiculous sounds of sirens and marching band as our local shopping street, a half mile away, is trying to drum up business for an early ST.PAT's Day parade. Can't we do things when they actually are? But I get it. Last year, my niece Kate and her kids and me went to the parade, walked along in just a sweater with the kids in the wagon, stayed out for hours...different weather for sure. I am staying tucked inside th ehouse, feeling sleepy and may nap. That kind of day.

Tyler's Mom, I second the words of Colleen, thanks so much for sharing with us, the steps you are taking might not feel like progress or that there has been any movement forward, but in a few months you will see the steps you have taken. Peace one day.

[mikesmum]

Woke this morning to the feeling somethings not right. Check the emails and nothing from Ralph so made the call.

Carol was admitted last night to Wentworth Douglas Hospital Dover. After a few days with a gastro type bug her heart decided to do the rumba. She is in Atrial Fibrillation. They have her on electrolytes to boost her system.

I spoke with Ralph who is exhausted but doing okay. I then spoke with Carol. She seems in good spirits, tired, but okay. Her nurse this evening is wearing a heart covered smock. Yep I believe that would be a sign

She is in till at least Monday. As I know the power of the Indigo collective please send her your love, light and prayers....it works so well.

Its a brilliantly sunny Sunday here. Temp is predicted to be 27C. Zak's party is being held at a sports reserve with playgrounds leafy trees in the foothills near here. I have baked (yes I do cook sometimes) and am about to head off.

Take care in the wintery return those with snow...

Trudi

[ericasmom]

CRAP! I had a thought or two today that without seeing Carol here, something was still amiss. Thanks our Down-under Buddy for finding the particulars. Prayers and more prayers to our Sweet and ever-nurturing Carol. Hearts all over the nurse's smock indicates Mike having a hand in her care...thank heavens, literally.

[Guest msnher]

Light, energy and love surrounding Carol, Ralph, and their family right now.