Loss of an Adult Child

[InHeavensKeeping]

Happy Heavenly Birthday Trista be close to your mum today. Shannon your in my heart and prayers today. God Bless xx

[daveydow1]

BRIAN....BRIAN.....SAYING YOUR NAME AND REMEMBERING YOU......ANGEL IN HEAVEN.

Colleen......May your memories of your dear boy warm your heart & soul.

HAPPY   HEAVENLY   BIRTHDAY........SWEET   TRISTA. 

Laurie----Thank you for the lovely poem.....words that are so true.

Georgina----Also, thank you for the poem for Dads., and for the beautiful

pic of lavender field.  

Thanks to everyone for all the nice pics and screen shots with such heartfelt words.\

Dee----It looks like some rain is coming our way...first to your area.  Everything here

is drying out and in need of cooling rain.

WISHING   PEACE   AND   COMFORT   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,     Sherry

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thinking of you Colleen...know you are missing your Brian...

Brian, Brian, Brian, We say your name today...

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

For Shannon, Sending Birthday wishes for Trista on her Golden Birthday...

 

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Wendy, thanks for sharing the signs...I believe. 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Ask My Mom How She Is.docx

[Mermaid Tears]

I don't know if what I posted can come through....will try another way to post it....

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts on Trista’s Golden Birthday. It means so much to know you all thought of me and of my Girl. I loved the graphics and the words that somehow are a balm for my Spirit.

It was a full few days. I got some new perennials for Trista’s garden and spent about two full days planting… this is my gift to her but also helps with that dread walk Susan mentioned that tends to happen in the days leading up to ‘the day’… My Gramma was here for Trista’s Birthday. She hasn’t been able to visit for a few months so nothing was stopping here from getting here for Trista’s Day. It was quiet(ish)… as much as it can be with a six year old and two teenagers. Zak’s girlfriend was with us. We all stayed up until midnight the night before to bring in Trista’s birthday and the Summer Solstice together. We watched the full Strawberry Moon rise over the hill and trees and the fireflies were like Christmas lights in June… just so many of them against the backdrop of the woods. At midnight we sent up one sky lantern. Yesterday we lit 21 candles and let them burn all day long. Around the time of her birth I went to her garden and shared a glass of wine with her and talked. My Gramma and I looked through one of her trunks. One was enough. Some of the things my Grandma had never seen so it was good for her too. Mostly Trista’s art and writings from a little girl through 17 years, as well as photos…. it was emotional but such good memories. We were surprised to see when we finally finished that three hours had gone by. We ordered pizza (one called the veggie rainbow in honor of Tris) and then we did a balloon release in the evening… 21 balloons. Before bed we had ice cream cake. That’s what Tris always chose for her birthday. Aiden was super excited because he lost his first tooth on Sissy’s birthday, eating ice cream cake. We also did the flying wish paper I do at almost ever get together. We all had been writing messages to Tris throughout the day and putting the little slips of wish paper in her little cauldron. At the end of the day we lit them and sent them floating to Heaven. Zak’s girlfriend had never seen the wish paper before. She was quite amazed with it. By the end of the day I was exhausted… which is good. I knew I would be able to sleep. I did sit out on the porch for quite a while alone… after everyone went to bed. I wanted to make it until midnight... to be present for Trista's entire birthday... I watched the fireflies and the moon that still looked quite full and talked to my Girl… my forever woman-child… wondering what her new life is like. I sat with my thoughts on the day… it was good… hard… sad… happy… but the best way I could celebrate her life right now. I also sat with the realization of the unreality of all of this… still… three years later… I have learned to walk with this weight… to move through and with this grief… I still stumble but I am standing upright now most of the time when for so long I could barely crawl and sometimes just had to sink and rest under the pressure of it… but it’s still not real… the thought in my head… this is what I have… what I do… it’s not what I want but the alternative, to not celebrate Trista’s life in the ways I can, is not possible. I do this for my Daughter, who died… she died… I kept repeating it in my head to see if it felt any more real but it just does not.

Wendy,

Thank you for sharing your photos of the clouds… I believe too. As we released our balloons yesterday and watched them float away… a cardinal appeared, right in our line of sight as we watched the balloons and it landed and stayed through the entire thing.

 

There are only 20 in this picture... there was also a butterfly memorial candle on the mantle that isn't pictured...

Trista's garden after all my work...

[Mermaid Tears]

Ask My Mom How She Is
My Mom, she tells a lot of lies,
She never did before.
But from now until she dies,
She'll tell a whole lot more.
Ask my Mom how she is
And because she can't explain,
She will tell a little lie
Because she can't describe the pain.
Ask my Mom how she is,
She'll say "I'm alright."
If that's the truth, then tell me,
why does she cry each night?
Ask my Mom how she is,
She seems to cope so well.
She didn't have a choice you see,
Nor the strength to yell.
Ask my Mom how she is,
"I'm fine, I'm well, I'm coping."
For God's sake Mom, just tell the truth,
Just say your heart is broken.
She'll love me all her life,
I loved her all of mine.
But if you ask her how she is,
She'll lie and say she's fine.
I am Here in Heaven.
I cannot hug from here.
If she lies to you don't listen,
Hug her and hold her near.
On the day we meet again,
We'll smile and I'll be bold.
I'll say, "You're lucky to get in here, Mom,
With all the lies you told!
Unknown

 

Shannon....this is the poem I wanted to share with you yesterday...I finally figured out a way to post it....I read this often...because I truly believe this is 'my poem...your poem...Laurie's poem...Dee's poem...all the Mama's that has lost a child....for it describes so well....'How I Am'.....and I can hear and feel John David saying this...writing this...and I feel that this is exactly how our children are describing us...the ones that no longer walk this earth home with their Mama....yes....I have learned to 'lie'....to hide....I have learned to put in an invisible costume...and say...'It's Show time'....and put on quite a show for all....knowing that I still have to do all and everything I ever did....to make complete the life of the living for my family, friends and circle. Each time is not horrible...or so very hard....but sometimes...I feel as if I could buckle.

I am so glad your Grandmother was with you....and I applaud you....we knew you would create a 'perfect Trista' party....for her..you and the boys...as hard as it is....you always come through....you are a very courageous Mama Girl !! Thanks for sharing.....wish I could have been out in the night...with the moon and fireflies...sharing your girl with all of you. Really....we all feel as if we were with you and yours. I think we were.

[ericasmom]

Shannon, the garden looks beautiful, the hard work is a shining example of your love, your signs for Tris. I love the way you all spent the day and nights surrounding the dates adn I am so glad that Gramma came too. Wonderful.

Wendy, I believe in signs. I remember saying soon after ERi left this earth, that there is a lot of magic in loss, and there is. We just have to keep an open heart to it.

Georgina, your Dad-Day poem from your James was/is lovely. I would think your Husband was choked up by this sweet and tender gift.

Love to you All. Big rains tonight, tornadoes to the south and west of us, the rains are tracking to the south east, so Ohio may get some tomorrow, hope so Sherry, I know you need it, but Sandy, in the meantime, you might have to get to the basement as the winds are intense.

I am thinking of you all, photos are from my yard.

 

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

Susan,

The poem is very true. We do what we have to… to keep going… to make ‘life’ for the ones we love still here. In the beginning, every smile was a lie… but I am finding my way to make room for some light and life in my heart too. And as you said, not every ‘gathering’ or event is as painful or horrible as it once was. This birthday hit me even harder than her Angel day this year… and June is so hard. Probably always will be a month of so much emotion. I know Summer now is changed for you too and for many regardless of marker dates… summer is when did all those family things and vacations… I love the picture collage.

Dee,

I love the pictures of your yard. I also have pink lilies and purple iris… and the little bird… new life. We did get a storm last night here in Southern Ohio. We have a flash flood watch until this evening but the majority of it should pass by afternoon. I hope so because we have a camping trip planned tonight through the weekend. We’re just going to be 10 minutes from home so I can go back and forth to feed the babies and check on the animals but it’s beautiful, on a lake… so a long weekend with the boys… fishing, swimming, boating… is just what I need right now, I think. I’m so very tired right now after a long month. I hope everyone stays safe from the storms.

Georgina,

The poem and the card are both beautiful.

Wishing everyone a peaceful day. I’m going to be pretty busy getting ready for this camping trip but then a few days of downtime.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....thanks for sharing ...what a pretty back yard...we have had lots of scorching heat....my 'Mrs. B.R. Cant' roses are blooming...and some other hot weather plants/flowers....nothing delicate....now I have to water...from flood to 'need to water'.....but that is South Texas....

Shannon....you do need some down time...the lake sounds perfect to get your balance back...I know the boys will love it....you do a great job of keeping your loved ones moving forward and teaching them to love life to the max....get as much as you can from the day gifted to you.

Laurie....could you post the name of the medium you went to ? I knew early on that one day...I would go to a medium....I also knew I wasn't ready...and that I would know when my emotional/physical/spirituality of my persona would be ready...I am 'almost' there....the thought of making contact with John David causes quick tears...a gasping/ a whimper so....I am not 'there' yet....but I feel deep within me a new layer of strength growing...just in the beginnings...

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Thanks Dee for sharing the beautiful flower pictures...how are things shaping up for Erifest? I still read the stories you have about her...just today about the shaft of light. We need all the strength we can get on this rocky path.

Georgina, also thanks for sharing the pics the other day. I had showed my daughter your son's one picture...she thought he looked like a rock star...how are things with you?

Sherry, thanks for sharing...I hope that the remembrances of your Davey smoothed the day's edges a bit...

Shannon, I never  heard of the fly away paper, everything you did for Trista sounded just right...

Susan, thanks for posting all the sayings and writings, they help so much.

I am going to post some pics below...two are from my Holy Hill trip with my mom and sister, I lit 3 candles, one was for here, this forum and for Wayne.

The one pic is of a sign in the clouds, it is a heart shaped cloud that I noticed...I was extremely distraught, and it was a Wednesday morning...I saw this cloud. I caught it before it broke up altogether, but it was a distinct heart for awhile....Jesse's resting place is about 3 miles north of where this was taken...

Lastly, I am posting one of my grandson Benton. He was born 3 months after Jesse's passing...here he is doing what he loves to do..he had snuck off his drawers outside and kept racing ahead of me, slightly out of reach. He is 3 in this picture.

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi Laurie thank you for your kind words about James. I'm really struggling at the moment  having panic attacks where the grief just overtakes me and I can't control it.. I am trying I really am I'm so scared that because I'm like this something else will happen I still have so much to be thankful for I love my girls with a passion but I miss my boys so much I can hardly breath most days.  

i just feel rock bottom.  James second anniversary is looming and that dread is settling in as I feel every feeling  and moment I had leading up to and including that fateful day. 

I told you about the absolutely wonderful Lady who is the chairperson for the TCF . Well she wrote to me again to invite my husband and I to  another event TCF are running.  This is part of her letter which I found so inspiring  and I thought you all might too   

"There is a Jewish insight which has helped me a great deal - that is, that if something is good and worth doing, one should do it however one is feeling - even if one doesn't want to. Once one is doing the good thing, the feelings to match it come afterwards and one finds that one feels much better."

Dee Kevin was very moved by the poem, he thought I had written it! thank you. X

Shannon  I loved Tristas garden you must of worked so very hard on it such a beautiful place for you to think about you angel xx

laurie thank you for lighting the candles for Wayne and all of us. I love the picture of Benton such a cutie xx

I have seen the clouds too but I very rearly get the photo just too slow. The church looks amazing I hope your trip went well. Xx

Thank you Sherry xx

Susan thank you for sharing all the writings poem and wonderful pictures of your family xx

God bless everyone xx

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Susan, here is the link to the medium http://janettekaye.net/

Georgina, I am sorry to hear that things are so raw right now...I think we all go though periods like that...hugs.

 

[Shannon-Trista'sMom]

I had to postpone our camping for a day. The campground was happy to swap today for Sunday so we still get our three days. We had all day thunderstorms with tornado watches and flood warnings. It seems to all have passed now and is peaceful out there again so we will head out first thing in the morning. The kids are all packed up, meals planned and prepped and ready to go, cookies, puppy chow, and trail mix ready… I’m really looking forward to this time with my Boys and they are both excited too.

 

Georgina,

 

I love the quote you shared. I had an employee once, a young kid… he was super sweet and one of those boisterous, fun personalities. One day I came in to the shop, feeling very run down after a long week. He looked at me and asked if I was feeling ok. I said… I’m just not feeling it today. He said… Ya’ gotta fake it ‘til ya’ make it. I was sort of his ‘catch phrase’ but it stuck that day. That’s what we do isn’t it? Fake that smile even if we’re not feeling it. I know it’s when I least feel like walking that I need that walk the most. The same goes for my meditation and lots of other things. I believe sometimes we can just get up and show up and eventually the feeling will come… but it’s also ok to say… No… not today.

 

I understand the panic. I have such a hard time sometimes and that feeling that something else could happen is so overwhelming at times. I had an incident a few days ago… the kids were playing hide and seek… Aiden wouldn’t answer when we called for him. We yelled… inside and out… it was probably only a couple of minutes before he was ‘found’ but it felt like a lifetime. I couldn’t breathe, time stood stall, I was ready to call 911… and I was just done for the rest of the night. I don’t know if my mind will ever stop going to ‘worst case scenario’.

 

Laurie,

 

I loved the pictures you shared. It looks like such a beautiful place and that little grandson of yours is adorable! I love the booty shot… I have lots of those with Aiden. He told me just recently as he stripped down to play in the water… I live in the country! I can do what I want!

 

Janette is the same medium I saw as well. She is very sweet, down to earth and I truly believe in her ability to connect. I also did some spiritual development work with her.

 

Susan,

 

The quotes you share are always just right. I love the collage.

 

I’ll be off line for a few days with the boys. I’m so so looking forward to this (I think I said that already). Thank you all so much for being ‘here’. I hope you all have a peaceful weekend.

 

[Sholl1955]

 

 

Hello friends,  

I have been thinking of so many on this site and your sweet children lately.  Even when we aren't on often I believe there is a bond with this group that will always be there.  Life seems to be flying by.  I can't believe July is nearly here.  We are doing well here in Indiana.  The storms were not too bad for us last night here in Fort Wayne, but was bad just south of us.   We had a tornado watch all night and bunches of rain, which we needed.

Sarah's little girls are growing so fast.  Maddie is 9 now and Becca 7.  They were 3 and 5 when she died.  She would be so proud of them.   They talk of her every day and the memories are so clear for them being so young.  It is bittersweet.   Rachel and her 3 little ones and hubby are doing fine.  They are planning on moving back here over the next couple of months.  They have not lived here since they got married almost 11 years ago.  It will be good to have them closer and see the grandbabies more often.   My husband continues down the Alzheimers road.   He has lost alot of ground but still able to stay at home with a cargiver when I am at work.  For that I am thankful.    I miss my girl every day, some days worse than others,  We do continue with life but there is always a private sorrow that we carry with us that no one else sees.

Dee, your flowers are beautiful.   I have some pretty wave petunias in pots on the patio.    Shannon, Trista's garden is beautiful and shows alot of love.  I hope your weekend with the boys are relaxing and that you make lots of special memories.

Wishing you all a restful night and a relaxing weekend.

Sandy

 

 

[ericasmom]

Laurie, love love love the booty shot too. The freedom to run naked through the day...ahhhh youth. The other photos are lovely, showing such a holy place. I am glad that you lit those candles.

things for Eri-Fest are coming along, husband works on the garden each day, I am always hoping for good weather for that day, but nobody can guarantee that as we know. We have been babysitting a lot and will have the kids for 24 hours tomorrow into Sunday. Need some good energy for that.

Georgina, I don't remember which poem you are referring, but you are welcome. I hope that you and your husband are able to attend the next event, it seemed to really boost you both the last time. Panic is a common reaction after losing a Child, learning to deal with it in ways that allow you a good life are as varied as we are.I wish you luck with that, sometimes some breathing techniques and visualization can help, for me, walking helps, changing my heart rate and my immediate place...

Sandy, lovely to know that you are enjoying the Girls...they are getting big and I am sure carrying their Momma deep inside of them. I am also glad to hear that Rachael and Family will be moving back...I hope this allows for a more easy-going time with her and a lot more time with Grandies. Sorry that your sweet husband is taking a turn for the worse, I so hope for a cure one day...glad though that you are able to keep daily help for him. You are a good woman Sandy.

Shannon, I am happy that your trip is still on, the three of you will delight in it and Trista will be right there with you...

Susan, the heat you speak of is something I am so not good at handling. I love today's weather, breezy and low 80's if that. Above 82 and I am made tired by it.

 

My Grandboy pouting at me the other day...and Grandgirl busily playing.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[ericasmom]

Dianne, yep, one foot slung over the star's point...I can see her, dreadlocks swinging as she adjusts herself. Baby-steps are good, those are the ones that lead you into more light...I am facing the 13th year and there are still times when baby-steps are what I can do. Love your Little Guy on the swing, and the rhythmic swinging as  your body releases some of the pent up tension...Good going Dianne.

 

[daveydow1]

Dianne------I guess we just have to let the tears flow when they will.  I've

heard that they release hormones that are soothing to the soul.  thanks for

the pic.......It must be Michael....see the resemblance.  

Shannon----thanks for your pics of the wonderful balloon release for sweet Trista,

and of your lovely garden flowers.   Happy camping.   Looks like your well-prepared!

Dee------Love the pics of your pink lilies, and iris.  Yep---ERi can sit on a star anytime

she likes, and shine down on all who love her.  Great pics of the grandies, too.   So  Cute!

Sandy----Good to see your post.  Your granddaughters are surely a blessing, and so

good that they talk about their beloved mom, and share memories.

Susan----also, thank you for the pics, and the screen shot...."No goodbyes".....So true

Wendy-----I, too, look up and talk to the sky and clouds.  Comforting somehow.

Laurie-----Love all your pics....and the one of little Benton is soooo cute.

 

WISHING  PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie....love that 'wild child' photo....those are the moments I can feel myself opening up to let the shine and smile come....thank you for lighting a candle for all of us....that is a stunning chapel....I can imagine it being so quiet and serene inside...there are places that can bring a layer of peace. Thanks for the info on the medium...

Dee....I see those tiny pigtails in your girls hair...and that boy is growing and growing....he looks as if he is as big as his big sister. Have lots of fun with those babies...

Georgina.....if your panic attacks are coming close together and often....please drink some gatorade...get those electrolytes back in balance....it is not a cure all but it seems as if you are getting very worn down. Take care of yourself as if you were taking care of one of your children or family member who is sick and needs lots of TLC....women always seem to take care of someone else who is sick...but not themselves. Please heed our warnings...especially our Warrior Mom, Becky, that had lots of physical health issues due to her grief and her fight for justice for her boy. It is hard to believe but those emotions can wreck havoc on our physical being.

Dianne and Dee....I so remember how you could visualize Eri on the moon....sometimes...I 'think' John David is working/living somewhere far away....which isn't too far from the truth...

[Mermaid Tears]

[daveydow1]

Susan------Love the screenshot....."remembering". It's so true.

Thanks for posting all those lovely pics & screen shots.

PEACE  TO  ALL  INDIGOS.

Sherry

[InHeavensKeeping]

Hi we had a good day today at the TCF event. Such caring, kind and understanding people. I think there was only about 33/40 parents there and siblings . It wasn't a very nice day but the rain held off for the walk!  Most families had brought their dogs and it was nice to have children around. I always feel slightly lifted and hopeful after, a bit calmer,  as all the things I'm experiencing are confirmed by others and it makes you feel normal again. 

Dee thank you The pics of your grandchildren are adorable. 

Laurie we've got any other meeting with our solictor coming up and I've been having to go through all the details of the case again to prepair it's exhausting and just so painful. I hate this part. Xx

Shannon thank you so true. If my girls go out I always ask them to text to say they've arrived safely  and also when they leave.  The panic that sets in when they haven't text me back seems like days. I don't think that feeling will ever go now. Xx

Diane thank you  for your strategies to try  your little lad looks so cute  

Sherry peace to you xx 

Susan I am suffering with my health now.  I can't seem to get rid of this infection I've had since Eater. It's really dragging me down now. The doctor phoned today to pet me on antibiotics and wants to put me on them for 6 months to get me better. 

Thank you all for being so caring  and Kind it really helped me to have your support and know you all care  

Gid Bless Georgina xx

 

[TearsInHeaven]

x

 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Yes Dianne.....I knew I wasn't the ONLY parent that had lost a child....I knew that I would not be the last parent to lose a child...

but I had never lost a John David before...it was then I realized I was not walking this alone...and needed others to help guide and support and understand me and 'they' would have to be parents that had lost a child.

[ericasmom]

Dianne, just like Susan's screen shot, folks ahead of you, folks side by side with you, and your words encouraging those folks just on this road a short time...we are indeed finding one of our new purposes in this world...if I can give you a sense of a 'high-five' well I am so very happy. I am glad that you have found this way of calming yourself down when you feel the anxiety climbing...your Boy helps you find your center. There is nothing easy about grief, but there are times when the weight is lessened by some wonderful song, the sound of a child laughing, a photo...what we eventually find is that the intrinsic beauty and love we carry in our spirit, is our Sweet Child. And for them, we can do anything. So live your best life, just as your Boy would have you do.

Georgian, I am hapy that you went to the TCF outing. I think that it is wonderful that you have found this outlet. Now it is really time to get healthy, stay healthy.

 

Love to All,

[Mermaid Tears]

Yes Dee....we do carry our child with us....and as you posted a long time ago...we change to make room for the grief....this change has led me to have a real day to day kind of lifestyle....before I was a dynamo...living full speed ahead..making plans for the next 3 months..6 months...and then living in those plans I had made...and now...I will live 'this' day....the best I can. Time has such a different 'tick-tock' to me...the one foot in the 'before'...the other foot in the 'after'...

A very dear and beloved friend of mine...she and I went to school together...her parents knew my parents...lost her son in May...he was very intertwined in their community...coaching several teams...he left a wife and 3 children...two boys..and a little girl that he and his wife took in and adopted..(I think she was a child from someone in the wife's family)...I composed a long letter...copied many poems...sayings...I wrote about what my life and Daniel's was like after losing John David...I wanted her to know...what I found out after finding this site...that I wasn't going crazy...I was just in deep mourning. She called yesterday and left a message on the answering machine....she said the letter was just perfect..and her voice broke and she cried. I was entertaining Pibby and her friends..(a group of 13 year old girls)....I did not listen to the message til later in the afternoon...then when the girls left..I had to run errands...and when I got home...around 7 I was too spent to call her back. I will today. We all know the dark days that are ahead of that family. He was their only son...she has 4 daughters. She headed up our 50th Class Reunion last June...she and I have always had the 'joke' about having the most grandchildren...I have 14...she has 13. Their son's name is Ricky....will post a photo of him. Gee....don't we wish there was some kind of way that all the 'good' ones could stay...and all the 'bad' ones could be the ones to go....

 

I have been involved with something that happened in my 'old' hometown.....a year ago....the Joyce family lost their 16 year old son, Justin, in a car accident. I lived in Wharton County growing up...I know people from every small town. I am still very connected. Last week...the family received this letter in the mail...I am posting it. It simply enraged and saddened that whole community....all over FB...many asked me to post my thoughts...and I did. This letter from some very sicko...person....is much like what many parents have to deal with after losing a child....family and friends just do not understand how very dark this kind of grief is....and that there is no time period or limit to how we grieve. I suspect that the person that wrote this was a member of the family...who could not understand how this grief can change a parent....and was jealous of the attention the parent was getting from the community. I will say that the whole county has circled the wagons with care and compassion for the family.

[Alina's mom]

On June 3, 2016 at 9:50 PM, justinsmomma said:

I have lost my beautiful boy April 30,2016...at the age of 25...I just don't know how to cope ..how do i go on without him? I have so much guilt and shame that i could not save him from the evil that is heroin

Sorry for your loss.  I lost my 24 y.o. daughter from heroin overdose May 22, 2016.... Painful and sad...

[Mermaid Tears]

There are so many shades of grief....when one loses a child....and when it comes to drugs...addiction....it must seem like a parent watching from afar...their child perched on a cliff....and slowly seeing them fall....and the parents arms just can't reach them in time. My heart goes out to both of you...Alina's Mom and Justin's Mom....on this site....you will find parents that has lost their child in so many ways....and we have all suffered the evil of guilt....in some ways large and small....but....a parent needs to calm those thoughts....for we all agree....we would have taken a bullet for them. Guilt will only be a source of hurting yourself. Please be very kind and gentle to yourself.

[ericasmom]

Yes, to you both Justin's Mom and Alina's Mom, drugs were not your doing, and like my sister whose Son is on that cliff edge that Susan speaks of...she can't reach him, she has tried and tried, she can't make it different than it is. Nobody could see Matt doing this kind of thing, not even Matt, could not imagine himself doing heroin, but then one day he did and his whole life went dark then. It was an impulse at the moment...and God and all of our Angels know that if we could change that moment, we would. Come here to share your broken hearts, because it is in sharing your broken heart that other hearts can also find like-minded parents, therefore also healing from your sharing. We are never the SAME, can't be, how could we be, but we find a way to be that will honor our Child while we find some new purposes in this world. Hang on.

Susan, what a hideous letter sent to your friends, oh my goodness. How dare anyone send such a nasty and mean-spirited letter? Talk about empathy training, these folks are not even close to understanding this loss. Sadness, I hope that your friend has it published in the local paper so taht the comments will slam the writer of so sad a note.

 

[JD's Mom, Becky]

  

No longer can I hold your hand, now I hold onto the promise of heaven, where I will see you again!

 

[InHeavensKeeping]

Thank you for your caring words. Unfortunately I have to go into hospital I have another cysts growing showed up on an examination yesturday. I'm really struggling feels like my bodies full of lead just weighing me down. I hopefully won't be in long. My right Kidney is scared from all the infections I've had that could be causing all this pain. 

I agree so much Diane I know without a doubt I would not be here without all the support I've been given here. I really like all the screen shots with pictures and words Thank you.  I always copy them and put them in a folder to look over from time to time. 

James's second anniversary is coming up fast. I feel panicked and anxious just keep thinking back to the moment the police knocked on our door and my world ended in that moment. I still feel that life changing breath stopping fear.

take Care everyone Georgina xx 

 

[daveydow1]

Alinasmom-----I'm so sorry for your loss of your dear daughter.  There is

no pain like the pain and grief of losing a dearly beloved child.  I hope

you can come back to this site where everyone understands. Your loss is

so very recent, and this is a rough road to be on, but here at BI (formerly called

Beyond Indigo)  you will find friendship and understanding. Please come back.

Peace to you.

Davey&Lisasmom----Sherry

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Alina's Mom, I am sorry for the loss of your dear daughter. Like Dee said, it is important to self-care, here is a bit of info for you:

Grief and Loss: Self Care

Learn how to care for yourself after a loss.

The following suggestions were written to help you take care of yourself following a death, but apply to any kind of loss you might be experiencing.

• Listen to your body: If you need to cry, then cry. If you need to sleep, then do so. If you need to talk to someone, seek out someone who will listen. If you need to reminisce, then take the time. It is important for the grieving process that you go with the flow.
• Lower expectations for yourself: You can't expect yourself to run at full capacity for some time. Give yourself a break and don't expect yourself to perform as well as you did prior to your loss. 
• If you need counseling, do get it: Get all the support you need. There are many bereavement support groups as well as counselors or spiritual advisers who specialize in bereavement counseling. Don't hesitate to contact a medical and or mental health specialist if you have feelings of hopelessness or suicidal thoughts.
• Take the time to do the things you need to do for yourself: When you feel up to it, engage in activities to which you feel drawn. It could be visiting a place you haven't been to in a while, walks in nature, reading, etc.
• Pamper yourself: Treat yourself well. Without breaking your budget, do things for yourself that are helpful like walks, being with people who are nurturing to you, and inexpensive activities.
• Keep a journal: Writing down your thoughts and feelings can help you to validate and work through your grief.
• Get physical exercise: If you exercised prior to your loss, try to maintain the same routine. If you did not exercise prior to your loss visit your doctor before embarking on a physical exercise routine. Physical exercise can improve the way you feel.
• Obtain a proper diet and sleep: Maintaining a healthy diet and getting proper sleep is essential for functioning as well as you can. If you are having difficulty with either, visit your doctor.

Note on the last item, I did go to the doctor for help with calming myself...it was a good move for me.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Dee, thanks for posting the pictures of the grand kids. They are growing so fast...are you still watching them? Lately I have not been watching Benton as much as to a change in my son's relationship with his first child's mom. They are back together, it seems to be working better this time around. But it means less Benton time for me. =(

Susan, what a terrible note that was sent to that friend. Yet, it almost seemed like the person who wrote it had a child loss of their own due to the phrasing of it. If so, that would be so incredibly odd...

Georgina, I am sorry that you are having such health issues. I can understand how stress can bring that about. Had my own health scare in April...

Becky, thanks for sharing the photo. I just saw a lion pic the other day and immediately thought of your Jared. Maybe I will try to find it later.

Shannon, I went to where my son is living with his girlfriend, I noticed my grand daughter's bedroom that she had a bear so much like your Trista's. The same type of coloring...my son said it was picked because of the unusual color. It did startle me to see it there today.

Diane, thanks for sharing the picture of your son, Michael. No matter what the age, I think we still see them locked in that time, a man, yet our precious young son as well.

Sherry, thanks for the continued encouragement. This June 25th was my infant son Taylor's Birthday. For some reason it was just an ass-kicker.

 

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Here is a photo I took of my infant son, Taylor's grave site. He lies next to his paternal grandmother and his paternal uncle.

[Ricky's mom , Wendy]

Alinasmom... I'm so sorry for the loss of your son.  I too have recently lost my 23 yr old son on April 15, 2016. You have come to the right place for support.  We all understand exactly what you are going through.  Here you are free to express your feelings whether they be sad, mad, angry, hurt or whatever it is without being judged.  Take it easy on yourself. I'm actually learning this and it is no easy task! Know that you now have a special angel watching over you.  Blessings 

 

I have been really busy lately.  Hubby and I made a shadow box for Ricky and I am currently trying to put together a memory blanket out of his clothes.  It has been a rough 2 weeks washing his clothes and smelling him on them.  I seem to be doing better as long as I'm doing something with his things.  I'm nervous about how things will be once I run out of belongings to do things with.  Went to his cross yesterday and took him some flowers and a balloon.  We had a long talk! I miss him sooooo much! I am constantly looking at his Fb page and watching all the videos of him being him posted by all of his friends.  It keeps his memory alive for me.  

 

[Guest]

.

[Alina's mom]

erica's mom, Jesse David's mom, and others... thank you for support. 

[ericasmom]

Alina, we are all listening, we are all hugging you and holding your hands and heart. Breathe, drink some water and tea and try to eat some healthy foods in small increments to ensure your health. We all know that the shock of losing a child takes its toll in many ways, not the least of which is on our bodies ability to stay strong, the immune system gets shocked for sure. Mind and spirit cannot be separated so do what you want a friend to do in this situation, be mindful of your health. Cry when you feel it, choking it down is not always the way to go, though we know that we all feel we need to in order to not upset others...but once I finally realized that this would have to be their problem and not mine...I began to feel the very slow process of building my new road to walk.

Peace one day

[daveydow1]

Laurie-----Thanks for posting the pic of your dear baby, Taylor's, gravesite. Such pretty decorations.

 

Lora.........So nice that you had a visit in Chicago with your son.  Wishing him good luck

on the new job.  We, so, need these professionals, like your son, to help people with addictions.

 

Rickysmom--Wendy------Yes, you are right.....talking to our beloved children who left

this world too soon is helpful to the grieving parent....keeps them close to us.  Beautiful decorations. Thanks for

posting the pic.

 

PEACE     AND   TRANQUILITY    TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie...thank you for sharing Taylor's resting place....for you sweet friend...I would think that you are meeting the brick wall of grief for him...you never let yourself grieve deeply....and if I remember right....many were advising you to 'move on'....after all ...he did not walk/stay on this earth home for long...so they made you feel like your grieving time should be short....

all of us know it doesn't matter if your child died in the womb...lived 2 hours...2 days...10 years...50 years....they are still your child....and a parent truly never moves on.....they may make it 'seem' like they are moving forward but...in the hearts and spirit...and empty arms...they don't. They may put on a front to keep everyone around them comfortable....but they are carrying that child in their heart instead of their arms....and they will never put that child down. Ever.  I feel as if we are honored to have you in this circle of caring....a place where you can grieve and talk and weep and wail....for your baby Taylor. We so know.

[Mermaid Tears]

Lora.....the community is going to hold a 'Memorial/Celebration/Fundraiser' this week end for the Joyce family. The fundraiser is for a family who lost everything in a house fire...but they are coming together to celebrate Justin's life...to show care and compassion for the family. I am so proud of my old hometown/Wharton County. I am blessed....I can talk about John David...but I have many around me that talk about him....or offer a memory...or a story I did not know about. I am so glad you had such a great visit with your son....it is good to 'get away'....and let your eyes rest on something new. Your son is going into a profession that is so needed...but....one can get so burned out on. So many in need....so few hands to help. I pray he will be sustained. You have a good plan to focus on....and one that is do-able. I believe we do well in having something to attain to. It can keep that fire all lit up....and help us shape a theme. I think I do best when I have one eye on my business....my hands are busy...and I have something to work for.

For the new parents....this is not the case for you. This is a time to mourn deeply...and care just 'for yourself'....Lora and I and Laurie are in our 4th year...and we are learning how to walk this earth home without our child...picking up pieces here and there and shaping our grief into what we can balance and live with.

 

Wendy....thanks for sharing the photo....I think all you are doing is just what you should be doing. Follow your instincts. Follow what you feel is right for you. Follow what you think you can do and are up to doing. You don't have to worry about keeping his memory alive....oh no....Dee once posted...' I do not accept my child is dead....I do accept that she does not walk this earth home'.....your boy will forever be with you.

[Steve s mom]

On June 21, 2016 at 6:31 PM, Jesse David's Mom said:

For Shannon, Sending Birthday wishes for Trista on her Golden Birthday...

 

 

 

[Steve s mom]

[ericasmom]

Laurie, Taylor James...such a beautiful name and who did I hear music from today, twice???James Taylor.
I so agree with Susan, no matter the age of our Children, they will always fill a space in our hearts and our lives, those living and those not. It is the nature of loving your Children in that automatic fully charged way...And so I am holding your hand as you grieve your Littlest Angel with his 'little white wings' as Sherry puts it so well. Two Brothers watching over their most cherished people here.

Maryanne, all holidays bring the photo-like memories to the front. I see Erica as a little one fairly dancing as we used to walk to the fireworks display in town. We can see them and hear them, we can feel them in all we do, and at first these signs and symbols of love are painful reminders of loss, but years later, they are the grace and glory of remembering...of never losing our memories of them.

Leah? Gretchen? Shannon? Sandy? MEN? Everyone no longer here often?

Lora, so happy to know that you were here in Chicago and taking time to spend with your sweet Son. I am glad to know that he is doing what he is passionate about. What a good boy he is. Next time you are in, if you feel like it, let me know and I will meet you again.

 

Today I was out for a walk and stopped to talk with an acquaintance whose son went to school with my boy. She and stood petting her dogs talking up a storm when she suddenly said, "oh look at your shoulder. " There on my right shoulder sat a beautiful fritlary butterfly, and I immediately responded, " oh it must be my Daughter, " and that is exactly what I think. The butterfly stayed on my shoulder for at least 5 minutes and moved on from there. I felt very happy.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

MaryAnn. I am so touched that you could relate to my poem! That makes me smile! I haven't written anything new or done any new pics because of the neuropathy in my hands, but hope to be able to get back to both soon.

I read here everyday, but then when I feel well enough to try to write, I can't seem to remember all the mentions I wanted to make! Just want to say how much I enjoy all the family photos shared here, particularly the young ones, I really love! Was it Laurie that posted the young Benton streaking across the lawn? Too funny!

My husband, Jerry, is off work now for the summer, as he is a counselor in a local elementary school, and he has been doing a lot of work outside that I just can't manage anymore! I can't believe how much strength I have lost in addition to the imbalance walking. I feel pretty useless. I go outside with him and keep him company, but that's about my limit. I often think, if Jared were here, he'd be out there helping his dad, as he helped me so many times. I enjoyed working with Jared. For some reason he loved to deadhead my daylillies for me. I think it was the sound they made. I was out looking at the flowers just the other day, and could picture him working in the flowerbed. There's still not a day that I don't think about him and miss him. 

 These were from the backyard, I have to take some pics in the front soon if the weather holds.

[ericasmom]

Becky, the gardens look amazing...I have those same day-lilies with the smear of lipstick inside, I call them lipstick lilies...we have about 12 different variety right now in bloom, so beautiful. I love the pond flowers, so shiny and healthy. I sure hope that you are able to enjoy the weather and the beautiful surroundings. and yes, picturing Jared working out in the garden is part of why it is so wonderful. His mark is there. Get well Becky, I pray your body finds healing.