Members alysonm Posted April 6, 2008 Members Report Share Posted April 6, 2008 I miss my mom. I did thius thing today where this thing is jst repeating three words and you automatically make up a phrase in your head that is partly in your sub councisous and mine said my dead mother my dead mother my dead mother my dead mother. How messed up is that. I slept til 130 today. Why? I don't know. I can't get out bed. I feel like I could sleep for years and not wake up. I feel ike I could sleep and when I woke up this would all be gone, she would be alive and I wouldn't be failing a class, and I would have some fuckinig money. Everything would be better. If i slept for a year. no one gets that. In auguset my life was interupted, shattered, and put on pause when she died, in NOvember, the tape burned, was ruined, had to be fixed, went to the hospital, everything changed, was set back to pause, and continued to be interuppted. Interupted and paused at the same fucking time. I am not myself. I am not who I want to be. I am not anybody. I don't know who I am anymore. I don't know where my life is going, or where I want to be. I've never felt so old, or young at the same time, in the instant she died, I became an adult, yet at 22 years old I've never needed my mom more than right now. I really wish there was someone who completely understood me. I'm not tryng to feel sorry for myself. I just don't want to be so alone. BUt at the same fucking time, i odn't want anyone to get too close. I just wish she was here. I know we didn't have a great relationshop. I know htat. I wish we had a chance to fix that. before she died. now theres no chance to do that. And I hate how I'm doing this all by myself. I know if she were alive, she would be helping me with it. and she would be concerned about it and she would ask me about it and I know I would be hesitant to tell her about it but at least she would care about it, you know?I just want it to go back so bad. So bad, I don't want this to be real. i know it's ridiculous, it's almost been 8 months so why can;t I accept that shes dead? I don't want to accept that she is dead,I want her to be alive. I want to talk to her I want to see her. I want to be around her. I want to go home. I want to go home and sit on the couch and be with her and talk with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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