If your loved one(s) could see how you're suffering from their loss....

[widower2]

Replying to this post elsewhere on the site: 

6 hours ago, HisMunchkin said:

Do none of you feel that your partner's heart is breaking seeing you upset?  And then feel guilty for that?  I was just thinking today - if it were me who had died and if I could see what my husband has been up to.  If I saw him suffer like I've been suffering, that would be extremely painful for me.  On the other hand, if I saw him heal day by day and start picking up the pieces of his life and enjoying it, that would make me feel so relieved.  He didn't like seeing me upset when he was alive.  I don't think he would like seeing me upset if he's able to see me now.  Every step of the way, I still talk to him in my head.  I still carry him in my heart.  When I have moments of joy, even though they've been very rare, he's on my mind.  I feel as if I'm sharing the joy with him.  Kind of hard to explain. 

I do wonder about that, and must confess in earlier times I was selfish about it; I felt like "well hey if this bothers you, too bad, because I can't help being in agony." Over time though I have tried to be more mindful of it, with mixed results. I'd like to think she would get it if I'm still hurting to various degrees about her loss, but also feel like she suffered so much as it is, I wouldn't want her to suffer even more by seeing me sad. It's just.....how the bleep can I not be about losing her?? 

Grapple grapple. 

 

 

[KayC]

  15 hours ago, HisMunchkin said:

Do none of you feel that your partner's heart is breaking seeing you upset?  And then feel guilty for that?  I was just thinking today - if it were me who had died and if I could see what my husband has been up to.  If I saw him suffer like I've been suffering, that would be extremely painful for me.  On the other hand, if I saw him heal day by day and start picking up the pieces of his life and enjoying it, that would make me feel so relieved.  He didn't like seeing me upset when he was alive.  I don't think he would like seeing me upset if he's able to see me now.  Every step of the way, I still talk to him in my head.  I still carry him in my heart.  When I have moments of joy, even though they've been very rare, he's on my mind.  I feel as if I'm sharing the joy with him.  Kind of hard to explain. 

Except regarding heaven it says no more tears, no more pain...so not sure how they're shielded from that but they are.  That's why I don't worry about George, I know he's okay, I worry more about me as I'm the one stuck here.