Sometimes life gets you down

[KayC]

Gail, thinking of you...

54 minutes ago, HisMunchkin said:

For free? 

Our town store doesn't charge for boxes, less for them to break down and recycle.

[Marie1]

I am feeling lost in Grieving.com.

I found this website and have not posted in awhile but read in my emails. I don't know how to get back.

I read this today, I hope I am in the right place.

My husband's first year's loss date is coming in early April. I read about the 25 days of memories.

My heart goes out to you and thank you for sharing. My memories  are pushing their way forward in my mind. He had a heart attack. He was sick, but there so many miracles in our lives and especially his. I still didn't expect it. Someone had said "oh you knew it was coming.". Nope I didn't. It happened at home. 

I work full time. I had to go to the bathroom  at work today because I couldn't hold back the tears. I had my moment, freshened up and went back to work 

I have had my guilt, would of, should of, could of, and sense of failure. A close friend has helped me through that and whenever it comes up.

My heart aches. I remember. It seems like I remember every moment and every detail. 

God has done so many wonderful things for me this past year yet this anniversary makes me sad. How do I honor him during this anniversary of his passing.

Thank u on another journal for the encouragement of his room . I just can't.

 

 

 

 

[HisMunchkin]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

Gail, thinking of you...

Our town store doesn't charge for boxes, less for them to break down and recycle.

That would be awesome if Griefstruck can get her boxes for free!

[Gail 8588]

1 hour ago, Marie1 said:

. . .  How do I honor him during this anniversary of his passing.

Thank u on another journal for the encouragement of his room . I just can't.

 

Marie1, 

I am so sorry for your loss.  In my current depressed mind set, I may not be the best person to respond, but for what it is worth: 

The first anniversary of a soulmates death is pretty difficult sometimes. Their absence seems so very concrete  and final.  Some close friends or family may reach out to support you, but it often  feels so far off the mark, with words of 'you're  so strong' when we don't  feel strong at all, 'you'll  be able to move on now'  when the last thing in the world we want is to move on.  My advice is try to remember they mean well, they are trying to be comforting. Say simple phrases of "thank you" and let it go. They just don't  have a clue what this feels like, and no amount of trying to explain it will help them understand. 

If you do have someone who has been through the loss of a soulmate (not every spousal death is the loss of a soulmate) you may be able to speak more honestly to them.  It's  up to you whether you want to try. 

It will be in your private time that you feel the crushing pain of his absence. I say, talk to him, shout at him, cry. He knows how much you love him.  That is honor enough. 

You honor him and your life together by putting one foot in front of the other and keep going so that you get to the point that you can talk about him, and the many miracles you experienced together, with love and fondness.  He wants you to live life and be happy.  Very few people can feel happy at the 1 year anniversary, but happiness is in your future.  Trust that you will get there in time.

Hugs

[Marie1]

Thank you! Great words of love, comfort and wisdom during your time of grief!

[Gail 8588]

Marie, 

Don't  worry about his room and his things. They will wait.  If you don't  feel ready to deal with it, trust your heart. You will deal with it when you are ready. 

[Marie1]

Ok. Thanks

[KayC]

14 hours ago, Marie1 said:

I work full time. I had to go to the bathroom  at work today because I couldn't hold back the tears.

I went through that, took two weeks off because I didn't want to cause my boss a hardship, he has his own work to do w/o doing mine, but everyone was so supportive.  You say you have support with the guilt, that's good.  Here's some more:
Coping with “Moment-of-Death Guilt”
Guilt and Regret in Grief
Grief and the Burden of Guilt
Address Guilt When Grieving

 

11 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

Marie, 

Don't  worry about his room and his things. They will wait.  If you don't  feel ready to deal with it, trust your heart. You will deal with it when you are ready. 

Amen!

[Gail 8588]

Well I have made it past John's  death date and my unwanted 25 day remembrance has come to an end.  I am still depressed, sad, related to my son's upcoming divorce, but I am feeling that their separating is probably the best thing for the parents and the children. 

Life is just hard, and seems harder when I am depressed.  I just got a Notice of Non-renewal of my homeowner's insurance.  Nothing to do with my house specifically, I've never made a claim.  Nationwide is just "reducing their exposure in the Florida market". So I will begin the hunt for a company that will insure my snug little home (built in 1934).  It may be challenging to find one.  Hearing lots of horror  stories from others who have been shopping for homeowner's insurance.   Many companies require you to do a lot of repairs and upgrades, new roofs, new water heaters, foundation work, etc before they will cover you.  A good friend had to do almost $50,000 in renovations just to get insurance and then the premium was $14,000 for the year.  Their house is twice as big as mine, but not as old, built in the 1960s.  So I am quite apprehensive as I begin the search for coverage. 

I may need to rethink living alone in my own house. 

[widower2]

On 2/26/2024 at 5:48 PM, Marie1 said:

I had to go to the bathroom  at work today because I couldn't hold back the tears. I had my moment, freshened up and went back to work 

This really hit home as it happened to me a time or two. Thank God for empty workplace bathrooms!  I'm so sorry for your loss.

[KayC]

7 hours ago, Gail 8588 said:

I just got a Notice of Non-renewal of my homeowner's insurance.  Nothing to do with my house specifically, I've never made a claim.  Nationwide is just "reducing their exposure in the Florida market". So I will begin the hunt for a company that will insure my snug little home (built in 1934).  It may be challenging to find one.  Hearing lots of horror  stories from others who have been shopping for homeowner's insurance.   Many companies require you to do a lot of repairs and upgrades, new roofs, new water heaters, foundation work, etc before they will cover you.  A good friend had to do almost $50,000 in renovations just to get insurance and then the premium was $14,000 for the year.  Their house is twice as big as mine, but not as old, built in the 1960s.  So I am quite apprehensive as I begin the search for coverage. 

I may need to rethink living alone in my own house. 

Gail, I'm getting it too but with a mortgage I need the homeowners, required, so what do you do to insure your older mobile home that no one will insure and yet it's been well cared for and still living in it?   I hope these insurance companies that deny us when we haven't even filed a claim go belly up. 

[Gail 8588]

Kay, my home is paid off so having homeowner's  insurance is not required, but I can't  imagine going into hurricane season without it.  In 1985 my home in Tallahassee had tremendous damage from Hurricane Kate.  In 2004 Hurricane Frances in St Augustine took off my roof, not just shingles, but plywood and rafters. In 2016 Hurricane Matthew did significant damage to my house and in 2017 Irma hit me again. Some of the other years I had minor damage from storms, $10,000 or less. 

So the thought of going without hurricane coverage seems crazy  to me, and of course there is the regular coverage for fire or liability insurance.  I'm  70 years old and I have never gone without homeowner's  insurance. I think it would be very stressful for me to not have it. 

But I'll  just have to see if I can find a company that will write a policy without requiring expensive  repairs/upgrades.

[KayC]

If you find one, let me know, not sure what Foremost will do when it's time for renewal but my agent already warned me the time is coming, if not this year, soon.  Last year they went up 40%+ with no notice.

[Boggled]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

Gail, I'm getting it too but with a mortgage I need the homeowners, required, so what do you do to insure your older mobile home that no one will insure and yet it's been well cared for and still living in it? 

wow.  wow.  Good question.  Seems like, "things change" and what USED to be easy and normal (such as getting insurance on a home) suddenly becoming impossible suddenly changes everything.   

Of course I don't KNOW but I THINK the insurance companies are looking at the latest changes in their statistics and have thus changed their protocols.  Insurance companies ... and their statistics ... probably close to the latest, most pertinent, statistics you're going to find ... if you're interested in statistics.

[Gail 8588]

I do support the logic of discouraging construction in high risk locations in Florida and elsewhere.  But I also recognize  that Florida has encouraged and even subsidized construction in low, wet, inappropriate locations for many decades.  Many of the senior living communities and other low cost housing  have been built in vulnerable  locations.  Insurance costs, that historically were likely unreasonably low, have skyrocketed.  My friends who just got a policy with a premium of $14,000 a year were paying $2,000 for insurance just 3 years ago.  They have lived in that house in Gainesville for 30 years. 

Retired people on limited incomes are being forced out of their homes or to go without insurance if they have that option.  

I am not clear on how this mess in Florida will eventually play out. The arguably reasonable position that insurance premiums should be in line with the actual risk of loss is hard to suddenly implement after decades of permitting construction to take place in vulnerable  locations.   Florida has a long history of inviting seniors to come buy  inexpensive retirement homes right on the waters edge.  Low taxes, great weather. What can go wrong?  

Now all these people have their life savings invested in a home they can't  get insurance on. I may be one of them.  My house is 200 feet above sea level and 20 miles from the Gulf of Mexico, so not as vulnerable  as some, but hurricanes are bislg storms that spin off tornados, so there is risk. 

The times they are a changing. 

 

 

 

 

[SSC]

Homeowner insurance is going up everywhere.  I switched companies because mine went up 50% due to all the claims across the country.  I haven’t made a claim in 5 years and my agent said that wouldn’t cause the rate to go up, it was too long ago.

My daughter who just built a new home in St. Augustine was terrified to find out how much her insurance was going to cost her.  It’s quite unusual how the system works out there.  It’s very detailed,  I swear with mathematical formulas of why homes a quarter a mile a way from each other would pay drastically different premiums.  Even how close you are to a fire station matters.  Lucky for her she is more inland, on higher ground and a new build so her insurance is roughly $100 a month.  She was so relieved.  
 

Now hearing how much damage your homes have had  Gail, I don’t think anyone is safe in Florida.  Everytime the wind would start blowing during hurricane season I think I would be a mess,  just wondering if it was going to wreck the house or not.

[Gail 8588]

3 hours ago, SSC said:

. . .

Now hearing how much damage your homes have had  Gail, I don’t think anyone is safe in Florida.  Everytime the wind would start blowing during hurricane season I think I would be a mess,  just wondering if it was going to wreck the house or not.

it is stressful during hurricane season.  It really helps, as you pack up the pets and few important items, to know the rest is just stuff and it is all insured.