So tired.....

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/26/2024 at 10:56 PM, widower2 said:

I don't think it, I know it. It's one of the most draining things imaginable on a wide variety of fronts. I'm sorry, I don't really have any great advice about how to deal with it offhand other than taking it a day at a time and trying to get as much rest as possible (also a strong cup of coffee in the morning doesn't hurt). 

I agree with you that taking it a day at a time and resting as much as possible is the best advice you can give to a grieving person.  
I survive day by day and don’t look too far ahead into the future cuz I fear of what will become of me. As far as resting, I’m lucky that I get 5-6 hours of sleep per night. 

[JonathanFive]

This has me, "wide awake," tonight.  So wide awake, and I have work in the morning...   arrg

[7779311]

53 minutes ago, Griefsucks810 said:

I was 51 when my husband died; he was 57.

I am/ was 48 when my husband passed.

[widower2]

10 minutes ago, JonathanFive said:

This has me, "wide awake," tonight.  So wide awake, and I have work in the morning...   arrg

I typically go to bed about 2-3 AM and I also work in the morning (remotely though thank goodness). 

[JonathanFive]

I'm also working remotely.   I'm also very grateful, lucky for that

[Griefsucks810]

14 minutes ago, widower2 said:

I typically go to bed about 2-3 AM and I also work in the morning (remotely though thank goodness). 

How are you able work all day long while you had a minimal amount of sleep the night before?  

I’ve been retired for the last 7 years and I know that I wouldn’t be able to work all day  long having a minimal amount of sleep.

[Griefsucks810]

33 minutes ago, 7779311 said:

I am/ was 48 when my husband passed.

48 is a young age to lose your spouse.

It’s sad that women and men are becoming younger widows/widowers in this day and age. 

[KayC]

Anything over 5.5 can do damage, mine isn't that low, but close...I give it my best.  I ate 9 carbs total yesterday yet my fasting blood sugar this morning is 115. It's discouraging.  But I keep doing my best and that's all one can do.

 

[HisMunchkin]

14 hours ago, 7779311 said:

I am/ was 48 when my husband passed.

Hey, I'm only a year older than you.

 

14 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said:

How are you able work all day long while you had a minimal amount of sleep the night before?  

I’ve been retired for the last 7 years and I know that I wouldn’t be able to work all day  long having a minimal amount of sleep.

Me too.  I need my sleep!  Although I was able to stay up for over 24 hours during my university years, cramming for exams for finishing papers.  Oh to be that young again...

[widower2]

On 1/28/2024 at 11:29 PM, Griefsucks810 said:

How are you able work all day long while you had a minimal amount of sleep the night before?  

Practice.  Also working from home I can take a break here and there and lay down for a few to catch my breath.

[KayC]

I had a big upset night before last and only slept four hours, but I took a ME break yesterday and went to sleep at 6:30 pm, slept nine hours!  It felt wonderful and I woke up refreshed!  Nice to get now and then although the four hours the previous night was hellish.

[HisMunchkin]

I could not get any sleep last night.  Lots of anxiety!  Tornado in my mind.

For those of you who can't sleep, what goes through your mind?  What emotions, if any, accompany those thoughts?  Or is something else keeping you awake?

[KayC]

Do you have aqn impending tornado?

[Griefsucks810]

3 hours ago, HisMunchkin said:

I could not get any sleep last night.  Lots of anxiety!  Tornado in my mind.

For those of you who can't sleep, what goes through your mind?  What emotions, if any, accompany those thoughts?  Or is something else keeping you awake?

When I can’t sleep, my mind races with thoughts as to why Im still awake and can’t stay asleep thru the night,  going thru with making lifestyle changes to improve my physical health and wondering when happiness and joy will come into my life.  I am anxious and frustrated when my mind is racing. The other thing that keeps me awake is that I wait for my daughter to come home for the night after being out cuz I can’t sleep right until I know she’s home in her bed in the next room.

[JonathanFive]

3 hours ago, HisMunchkin said:

I could not get any sleep last night.  Lots of anxiety!  Tornado in my mind.

For those of you who can't sleep, what goes through your mind?  What emotions, if any, accompany those thoughts?  Or is something else keeping you awake?

As I continue to trek through grief here, I arrg, "analyze it." Grief has a spacial component that I have yet to see be spoken about in all the literature.

It's weird because when I think about space, I can think of at least two, very famous mental conditions known to cause anxiety that are related to space - claustrophobia and agoraphobia. 

There's like a, "gigantic hole," now that our loved ones are gone?  At least that's how I feel.   So this huge gap of, "space," could be causing our anxiety.

Cause again today, while I was working, I felt this anxiety attack come on, and strangely enough, it felt like I was, "closed in."  For those few moments, when the anxiety was going on, I very clearly thought to myself, "I need space," but why would I need space, if I feel now that he's gone, I've got too much space?

But because with our lovers, we trek very deeply into each other space, my longing for space, was longing for him. But I used to have a space to go into, that was, "our space that we shared together," when we cuddled, when we kissed, when, "whatever," we had a shared space.  So, now I have lost space somehow, I am in a smaller space, I feel trapped in, it's making me claustrophobic, it's causing me anxiety...

Grief can be so deep, that it goes all the way through our lifetimes, and reaches way back to our inner child.

[LMR]

3 hours ago, JonathanFive said:

As I continue to trek through grief here, I arrg, "analyze it." Grief has a spacial component that I have yet to see be spoken about in all the literature.

It's weird because when I think about space, I can think of at least two, very famous mental conditions known to cause anxiety that are related to space - claustrophobia and agoraphobia. 

There's like a, "gigantic hole," now that our loved ones are gone?  At least that's how I feel.   So this huge gap of, "space," could be causing our anxiety.

Cause again today, while I was working, I felt this anxiety attack come on, and strangely enough, it felt like I was, "closed in."  For those few moments, when the anxiety was going on, I very clearly thought to myself, "I need space," but why would I need space, if I feel now that he's gone, I've got too much space?

But because with our lovers, we trek very deeply into each other space, my longing for space, was longing for him. But I used to have a space to go into, that was, "our space that we shared together," when we cuddled, when we kissed, when, "whatever," we had a shared space.  So, now I have lost space somehow, I am in a smaller space, I feel trapped in, it's making me claustrophobic, it's causing me anxiety...

Grief can be so deep, that it goes all the way through our lifetimes, and reaches way back to our inner child.

 

I felt safe and secure with him, I no longer have that. I prefer to sit at home doing nothing but sometimes I have to get out just to cry freely. The shared space was safety, that's something I'm missing along with his touch and kisses.

I came across a line in a book I was reading........

"Someone who can rebuild the world just by touching you"

That was him.

[KayC]

2 hours ago, LMR said:

"Someone who can rebuild the world just by touching you"

I love that!  That's how it was for us.

[Roxeanne]

I love it! 

Some days ago talking with a friend of him we agree on the fact that my loved one was the man who make the impossible came true...

It's the best definition of him...he made my dreams come true!!💕

[JonathanFive]

4 hours ago, LMR said:

"Someone who can rebuild the world just by touching you"

That was him.

That was him for me too.  That's exactly who he was, that is exactly who I lost.   Everything you said

[DWS]

12 hours ago, HisMunchkin said:

I could not get any sleep last night.  Lots of anxiety!  Tornado in my mind.

For those of you who can't sleep, what goes through your mind?  What emotions, if any, accompany those thoughts?  Or is something else keeping you awake?

 

9 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said:

When I can’t sleep, my mind races with thoughts as to why Im still awake and can’t stay asleep thru the night,  going thru with making lifestyle changes to improve my physical health and wondering when happiness and joy will come into my life.  I am anxious and frustrated when my mind is racing. 

I wish I could remember which self-help book of the many many many I've read in the course of my lifetime but one of them, years ago, gave me some great advice on getting to sleep at night. It said something to the effect that there's not a damn thing you can do about solving your problems or changing the way things are right now because you are in bed. You've prepared yourself for a night's sleep, you're under the covers, and you're there for sleep because your body needs it. That's the task at hand. Tell yourself "I'm in bed and can't do anything about it right now". 

I suppose it's more or less like the old put-your-troubles-on-the-nightstand type of approach and admittedly won't work for everybody...particularly for those in very early grief...but it works for me. Certainly, grief and loss are totally unique and can't be categorized as problems to be solved but our grieving minds are continually processing and that makes us, at times, believe we will come up with some answer that will make things better.  But I tell myself....and sometimes quite strongly too..."I can't fix it right now. I'm in bed and need my sleep!"

[Sar123]

Something that helped me last year when I woke up at 0300 and the grief and negative thought filled my mind came from this site. Someone said she listed the states in alphabetical order. This doesn’t help me fall asleep- it distracts me from my negative thoughts and eventually I fall asleep and sometimes  I use the 4, 7, 8 method. Physical activity during the day has helped me too.  Eventually you find what works for you. On a side note, I came up with different alphabetical ways to distract me. Listing movies or TV shows in alphabetical order. I tried listing songs, but then the song became stuck in my head so that one didn’t work, lol. 

[KayC]

I've tried everything, in the middle of the night when I wake up, sometimes I just cannot get back to sleep.   That happened last night after 4 1/2 hours sleep...laid there for two hours, nada.

 

[HisMunchkin]

15 hours ago, KayC said:

Do you have aqn impending tornado?

An actual tornado?  No, thank goodness.  It feels like it in my head, though.

 

13 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said:

When I can’t sleep, my mind races with thoughts as to why Im still awake and can’t stay asleep thru the night,  going thru with making lifestyle changes to improve my physical health and wondering when happiness and joy will come into my life.  I am anxious and frustrated when my mind is racing. The other thing that keeps me awake is that I wait for my daughter to come home for the night after being out cuz I can’t sleep right until I know she’s home in her bed in the next room.

I get that.  I can't sleep sometimes because I'm worried about not being able to get enough sleep to wake up on time tomorrow.  And thoughts of "planning" as well.  Last night, I stopped my thoughts and took notice of what, exactly, I was thinking about.  They were mostly planning, or thinking back on things that I had said and "correcting" things - maybe I should have said this instead?  Or thinking back on what someone else said and looking deeper into what else they might mean by what they said.  And then thoughts of what I need to get done and what I have forgotten to do.  I wonder what we can do to stop all this mind racing that are accompanied by anxiety and frustration? 

With regards to not being able to sleep until you know that your daughter is home, have you always felt this way or did you start to worry after your husband's passing?

 

 

13 hours ago, JonathanFive said:

There's like a, "gigantic hole," now that our loved ones are gone?  At least that's how I feel.   So this huge gap of, "space," could be causing our anxiety.

Could part of that space be general insecurity now that your spouse is gone, causing you anxiety?  For me, I think that is part of that "hole".

 

13 hours ago, JonathanFive said:

my longing for space, was longing for him.

Longing for "home"?  For me, it feels like "home" is where he was.  Since his passing, our home feels more like a house than a home, if that makes any sense.

 

4 hours ago, DWS said:

I wish I could remember which self-help book of the many many many I've read in the course of my lifetime but one of them, years ago, gave me some great advice on getting to sleep at night. It said something to the effect that there's not a damn thing you can do about solving your problems or changing the way things are right now because you are in bed. You've prepared yourself for a night's sleep, you're under the covers, and you're there for sleep because your body needs it. That's the task at hand. Tell yourself "I'm in bed and can't do anything about it right now". 

Thanks for sharing!  I think I'm going to give that a try.  Sometimes I'd be woken up by feelings of anxiety, and then followed by thoughts.  Makes me wonder if I slept at all?  Or maybe my brain was still playing thoughts ping pong subconsciously, then woke me up.

 

2 hours ago, Sar123 said:

Something that helped me last year when I woke up at 0300 and the grief and negative thought filled my mind came from this site. Someone said she listed the states in alphabetical order. This doesn’t help me fall asleep- it distracts me from my negative thoughts and eventually I fall asleep and sometimes  I use the 4, 7, 8 method. Physical activity during the day has helped me too.  Eventually you find what works for you. On a side note, I came up with different alphabetical ways to distract me. Listing movies or TV shows in alphabetical order. I tried listing songs, but then the song became stuck in my head so that one didn’t work, lol. 

I'm going to give that a try too.  Thank you for sharing!  Maybe naming animals or food in alphabetical order.  That's more up my alley.  

 

 

2 hours ago, KayC said:

I've tried everything, in the middle of the night when I wake up, sometimes I just cannot get back to sleep.   That happened last night after 4 1/2 hours sleep...laid there for two hours, nada.

 

Nothing on your mind?

[JonathanFive]

20 minutes ago, HisMunchkin said:

Could part of that space be general insecurity now that your spouse is gone, causing you anxiety?  For me, I think that is part of that "hole".

 

Longing for "home"?  For me, it feels like "home" is where he was.  Since his passing, our home feels more like a house than a home, if that makes any sense.

I am insecure without him, he was my everything.   Yeah, I live in a, "place now," its no longer home

[KayC]

2 hours ago, HisMunchkin said:

Nothing on your mind?

My mind starts going when I try to go back to sleep, but not always, hence I lay there for a couple of hours trying some nights.

[HisMunchkin]

So I tried telling myself, "I'm in bed, I can't do anything about anything right now." and tried to go to sleep.  But then the thoughts crept up on me again.  So then I tried to do the alphabet thing with animals.  Got stuck a bit at J, then at again at U (cheated with Urchin, even though it's actually Sea Urchin), then I got really stuck at X. 😛  So then I switched to fruit.  Got stuck at E (what fruit starts with E?), skipped it, then got stuck at I.  I don't remember what happened after that.  I think I may have fallen asleep. 

[Griefsucks810]

On 2/2/2024 at 1:48 PM, HisMunchkin said:

An actual tornado?  No, thank goodness.  It feels like it in my head, though.

 

I get that.  I can't sleep sometimes because I'm worried about not being able to get enough sleep to wake up on time tomorrow.  And thoughts of "planning" as well.  Last night, I stopped my thoughts and took notice of what, exactly, I was thinking about.  They were mostly planning, or thinking back on things that I had said and "correcting" things - maybe I should have said this instead?  Or thinking back on what someone else said and looking deeper into what else they might mean by what they said.  And then thoughts of what I need to get done and what I have forgotten to do.  I wonder what we can do to stop all this mind racing that are accompanied by anxiety and frustration? 

With regards to not being able to sleep until you know that your daughter is home, have you always felt this way or did you start to worry after your husband's passing?

 

 

Could part of that space be general insecurity now that your spouse is gone, causing you anxiety?  For me, I think that is part of that "hole".

 

Longing for "home"?  For me, it feels like "home" is where he was.  Since his passing, our home feels more like a house than a home, if that makes any sense.

 

Thanks for sharing!  I think I'm going to give that a try.  Sometimes I'd be woken up by feelings of anxiety, and then followed by thoughts.  Makes me wonder if I slept at all?  Or maybe my brain was still playing thoughts ping pong subconsciously, then woke me up.

 

I'm going to give that a try too.  Thank you for sharing!  Maybe naming animals or food in alphabetical order.  That's more up my alley.  

 

 

Nothing on your mind?

Hey HisMunchkin, I’ve been waiting for my daughter to come home since my husband was alive.