Joy. Have you lost it?

[Alisond]

I realized the other day as I looked in the mirror that I looked old. Older than my years, but younger than I feel. I  also saw my eyes. It was then I realized I have completely lost my joy. Used to be that even in bad times, there was still joy. In the small things, in the love. All gone now. Barely felt joy as I  watched hummingbirds (a favorite) cavorting around the feeders. I  can't even find it in sunrises and sunsets.

Almost 2 years...

Does it come back?

Even a little?

[KayC]

LOOK for the "little joys" at the end of the day, what good thing happened in your day?  Did a stranger let you merge in traffic? Count it. Did a neighbor wave at you?  Did you get a phone call from someone that cares?  Count them, you will find yourself beginning to look for them and it will bring you an uplifting mindset, one of positivity and gratitude.  Not the big things (him and your life with him) but the small joys...

[DWS]

On 11/7/2023 at 4:58 AM, Alisond said:

I realized the other day as I looked in the mirror that I looked old. Older than my years, but younger than I feel. I  also saw my eyes. It was then I realized I have completely lost my joy.

I'm so sorry for the immense loss of your husband and also glad that you found your way to our forum here. So many of us here fully recognize and understand this new place of being "joy-challenged". I certainly see it and started a similar thread....https://forums.grieving.com/topic/26614-loss-of-my-joie-de-vivre/#comment-247968

I think for those of us who enjoyed our share of life-love, this loss and its grief now becomes our primary challenge....a challenge of not losing ourselves within this tragedy. In my past, I suppose I could say that others looked upon, maybe even relied upon at times, my bubbly personality. Reserved but bubbly is how I could describe how I was. I met my partner Tom later in life and, for lack of any better way to say it, he liked me....he really really liked me. He must have liked the way I think, my uniqueness and weirdness, and my outlook in life....and I so don't want to lose that!! But his death has taken so much joy out of living. I no longer am looking for good times and I know that's such a strange thing to say. I have been finding small joys/fascination watching old movies that I never took the time to view before so that's, at least, keeping up my curiousities in life but it's questionable whether my joie de vivre ever returns. 

[Rey Dominguez Jr]

Alisond, I had the same impression.  I saw myself in the mirror and thought to myself, “did I really get older so soon?”  Not only that but it seems like I am hurting in places that didn’t hurt before.  I am trying to stretch things out on days I am not with the Red Cross, but it barely seems to help.  I just feel older!  

[RichS]

Same feeling here. Over the last couple of years I look and feel 10 years older. The bannister to the stairway that appeared to be a nice piece of home decor is now something I’m more dependent on. What I’ve realized is that grief not only drains you of energy, but can age you as well. Once my back surgery is over next month, the main part of my recovery will be walking; which   I feel will not only help me physically, but should help me mentally as well. 

[KayC]

I not only look older, I AM older and the signs that slowly creeped up on me made a drastic response this last year not only in appearance but in what i can do.  It's a rude awakening.

[shawnt]

I have found I have to rely on the simple things to give me a little joy, children laughing, perfect cup of coffee, smell of the leaves; and hope the bigger joys can be found in the accumulation of the small. 

I will never hold my loves hand again and that is a thought that brings no joy.

 

[Sparky1]

I can relate. I look in the mirror and see how I'm beginning to look like my father when he was the age I'm at now. And then I think, wow I  look older and feel the older age too. Aches and pains popping up out of the blue, there's good days and then there's really bad days. I just wonder how much longer I can carry on by myself until I get to a point where I can't even take care of the house, never mind myself. And that emptiness of my wife not being here hasn't subsided, and I don't think it ever will. It's definitely a rude awakening like Kay says.