Members Griefsucks810 Posted January 22 Members Report Share Posted January 22 1 hour ago, HisMunchkin said: What do you think is stopping you from doing those things? If it's lack of motivation and/or feeling overwhelmed, have you tried breaking things down to smaller bits and attempting those bits, "bit by bit", so to speak? E.g., starting tomorrow, you will have vegetables well stocked in your house, and you will eat one serving a day. And that is all you have to work on a week or two until it has become a habit. Then you will add another bit. Whatever seems easiest to do, start with those. I have found that I can only handle bits at a time. But hey, the climb over a mountain begins with a step. Slowly by surely, I'm getting things done, even though it feels like I'm going through life like a zombie most of the time. I'm still at the "tying up loose ends" stage, so I haven't even begin to even think about the "new me" stage, but I will likely approach that in a "bit by bit" manner as well. From the book, "The Grieving Brain", they say that time alone doesn't really do the healing. It's the active adaptation to the new circumstances and making changes to rebuild and restore your life to a meaningful one that does most of the healing. There's a quote by someone called Elbert Hubbard, that's inline with those findings: "The cure for grief is motion." The book also talked about "complicated grief", where some people don't seem to feel much better and don't adapt well even after a year. You can google the term and see if it sounds like you. For instance, here: https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/complicated-grief/symptoms-causes/syc-20360374 I worry that only spending time with only your pets and ordering groceries instead of going out might be preventing you from moving forward. Being here and telling us how you feel and what you've been going through, on the other hand, is a very good thing. So keep talking to us. But please also try to go out a little? Try something new that you might find enjoyable, then report back and let us know how it went? I had the opposite happen to me last night. Instead of trying to remember a song, I couldn't get an annoying one out of my head. 😖 I think what’s stopping me is the lack of motivation and procrastination cuz I keep saying to myself “I’ll start tomorrow” and tomorrow never comes. For starters, my bedroom is overdue for a deep cleaning, my plastic containers need to be neatly organized in lower cabinet, I need to go thru my spices - what I have and what spices I need, and the inside of my refrigerator needs to be scrubbed down. Plz tell me how I can possibly breakdown these chores into smaller bits so I don’t become overwhelmed? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HisMunchkin Posted January 22 Members Report Share Posted January 22 1 hour ago, Griefsucks810 said: I think what’s stopping me is the lack of motivation and procrastination cuz I keep saying to myself “I’ll start tomorrow” and tomorrow never comes. For starters, my bedroom is overdue for a deep cleaning, my plastic containers need to be neatly organized in lower cabinet, I need to go thru my spices - what I have and what spices I need, and the inside of my refrigerator needs to be scrubbed down. Plz tell me how I can possibly breakdown these chores into smaller bits so I don’t become overwhelmed? Let's start with your bedroom. What's its current state? Clothes and stuff all over the place? Or are things organized but you just need to vacuum and mop, etc? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Griefsucks810 Posted January 22 Members Report Share Posted January 22 8 minutes ago, HisMunchkin said: Let's start with your bedroom. What's its current state? Clothes and stuff all over the place? Or are things organized but you just need to vacuum and mop, etc? Everything is out of place and I need to vacuum and mop my floor and area rugs at least 2 times. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HisMunchkin Posted January 22 Members Report Share Posted January 22 22 minutes ago, Griefsucks810 said: Everything is out of place and I need to vacuum and mop my floor and area rugs at least 2 times. Do you have a big box? Or multiple laundry baskets? For today, put everything in a big box (or however many containers you need to put that stuff). If you are up for sorting, you can have multiple containers and sort them as you go. "Dirty clothes", "garbage", "accessories/makeup/small knik knacks", "papers", etc. and "others" where you put stuff that you don't know where to go yet. Then put those aside. Tomorrow, vacuum. Next day, vacuum some more. Then mop, then mop again. Then go to one of the boxes and sort that. You can break it down even smaller. Set a timer - one hour a day to only focus on vacuuming, then you're done. Good job! Next day, another hour, etc. How about it? Do you think you can manage that? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Griefsucks810 Posted January 22 Members Report Share Posted January 22 23 minutes ago, HisMunchkin said: Do you have a big box? Or multiple laundry baskets? For today, put everything in a big box (or however many containers you need to put that stuff). If you are up for sorting, you can have multiple containers and sort them as you go. "Dirty clothes", "garbage", "accessories/makeup/small knik knacks", "papers", etc. and "others" where you put stuff that you don't know where to go yet. Then put those aside. Tomorrow, vacuum. Next day, vacuum some more. Then mop, then mop again. Then go to one of the boxes and sort that. You can break it down even smaller. Set a timer - one hour a day to only focus on vacuuming, then you're done. Good job! Next day, another hour, etc. How about it? Do you think you can manage that? I need to get boxes only cuz I don’t have the room for multiple containers. Thanks for giving me the incentive to start cleaning up my mess. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Griefsucks810 Posted January 22 Members Report Share Posted January 22 I am no longer a married woman. I am a middle aged woman with a status as single. I am a middle aged woman who is taking preventive measures to maintain my physical and mental health. I am a middle aged woman who chooses to live life in the present. I am a middle aged woman who survived the unexpected death of her late husband. I am a middle aged woman who will learn to love herself and have the self confidence to try and meet new people and go to places that I never been to. I am a middle aged woman who will overcome her grief and her depression which will help me find the path to have happiness and joy in my life once again. I am a middle aged woman who will live her new life to the fullest with the anticipation of having a future I can look forward to. 1 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Boggled Posted January 23 Author Members Report Share Posted January 23 When I just spontaneously got into my car and drove to the bank, when I came back I seemed "enlivened" a bit more than usual. It was a "snow turning to mush" day, and walking from the carport back to the house, I looked at the snow and thought "it's going to freeze back up tomorrow, if I shovel it off now, it'll be free of snow till it snows again" (and around here, it doesn't actually snow very often) ... and it was easy ! ... at that moment, being "enlivened" ... to get the teensy snow shovel I'd bought and it was a small enough job to do, just shoveling off the patio blocks I'd set at the base of the steps up to the deck, that I "just did it." ... so now I have a snow-free patio. But I also "get" that somehow, going through this looong grief, we are very inclined to just sit and feel. But me, I THINK that just sitting and feeling ... even if it's just feeling sorrow, is still our "selves," doing the most important thing, doing the "processing" thing, even if the "processing" seems to be doing nothing much at all, except the inner struggle ... which we're all going through ... "I have to BE ... somehow! ... but in my case, it's a long process of SORROW, which seems to take TIME and in my case, much much journaling, distracting, pondering, going through pain, going through "firsts" over and over and over and over and over and over. When you look at photos of "grief" online, what are the people doing ... sitting. pondering. just sitting. ... and the picking up, vacuuming, etc. etc. can wait ... because the motivation to do those things is not the motivation for what we're DOING inside ... somehow we have to heal ourselves INSIDE and that's the first and most important thing. I do notice, though, that in my case, cooking is still something I find worthwhile, maybe because I was always our cook, and it's familiar for me. Having something I LIKE, to eat, makes me feel "better." And sunny days! I open the curtains to let in the sun! and that's not hard to do and I do it easily. But I need something to motivate me to vacuum. I'm here by myself, nobody else sees inside the house! ... and also the house doesn't really need much vacuuming, again, because ... it's just me (and the kitten/cats). I wear the same clothes, day after day, because who cares? there's nobody but me here. In the beginning of this journey, I was remembering that old movie, "Omega Man," just total aloneness like you're the last living person on earth. just some thoughts. 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Boggled Posted January 23 Author Members Report Share Posted January 23 But I'm not the last living person on earth. There's this board, there's the internet, there's shopping, there are other people "out there," there are plenty of distractions, and there's a whole world out there, woman ... (she said to herself). hahahahaha. some ways, I've just been hiding. While I push myself into "the great whatever!" which I don't know what-ever it is! and I DO look forward to the occasional visits from my two sons, and I DO enjoy it when they visit, and I DO clean up the house, change clothes, fix myself back up, when they're going to visit ... and I DO still talk to my 93-year-old MIL! every night, she's been a true blessing for me. And there's the weather available FROM OTHER PEOPLE on the internet, and there is the "news" available FROM OTHER PEOPLE on the internet and television, and there's television, also available FROM OTHER PEOPLE, which I don't actually watch to follow, but still provides sound and motion that can sometimes catch my attention; and of course, there are grocery stores being maintained BY OTHER PEOPLE. Yep, thank goodness for the OTHER PEOPLE, both here and the rest of the world! and there are the 4 cat/kittens, Mama, Little Tiger, Princess Aerial, and Buddy. I think my Little Tiger may be at least partly a "Bengal" which I looked up after you'd mentioned your Cosi, foreverhis. She's the one who "talks" all the time, doesn't want to go outside much, and is the best company. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Boggled Posted January 23 Author Members Report Share Posted January 23 19 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said: Everything is out of place and I need to vacuum and mop my floor and area rugs at least 2 times. at least you're noticing. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post DWS Posted January 23 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted January 23 55 minutes ago, Boggled said: I do notice, though, that in my case, cooking is still something I find worthwhile, maybe because I was always our cook, and it's familiar for me. Having something I LIKE, to eat, makes me feel "better." And sunny days! I open the curtains to let in the sun! and that's not hard to do and I do it easily. But I need something to motivate me to vacuum. I'm here by myself, nobody else sees inside the house! ... and also the house doesn't really need much vacuuming, again, because ... it's just me (and the kitten/cats). I wear the same clothes, day after day, because who cares? there's nobody but me here. In the beginning of this journey, I was remembering that old movie, "Omega Man," just total aloneness like you're the last living person on earth. just some thoughts. It sounds like you're just recognizing the person you've always been and maybe coming to the realization that you don't need to change! That's something that I hope all grievers come to understand....that the death of our persons does not have to be and certainly not meant to be...a springboard to a new you. In my view, my Tom must have enjoyed the short time we had together. He drove here practically every single weekend over the course of four years...so he liked me and most (maybe not all!) of what I'm about. Based on that, it makes sense to stick to who I am and who I've always been. His absence and my grief are teaching me that. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HisMunchkin Posted January 23 Members Report Share Posted January 23 5 hours ago, Boggled said: When I just spontaneously got into my car and drove to the bank, when I came back I seemed "enlivened" a bit more than usual. It was a "snow turning to mush" day, and walking from the carport back to the house, I looked at the snow and thought "it's going to freeze back up tomorrow, if I shovel it off now, it'll be free of snow till it snows again" (and around here, it doesn't actually snow very often) ... and it was easy ! ... at that moment, being "enlivened" ... to get the teensy snow shovel I'd bought and it was a small enough job to do, just shoveling off the patio blocks I'd set at the base of the steps up to the deck, that I "just did it." ... so now I have a snow-free patio. But I also "get" that somehow, going through this looong grief, we are very inclined to just sit and feel. But me, I THINK that just sitting and feeling ... even if it's just feeling sorrow, is still our "selves," doing the most important thing, doing the "processing" thing, even if the "processing" seems to be doing nothing much at all, except the inner struggle ... which we're all going through ... "I have to BE ... somehow! ... but in my case, it's a long process of SORROW, which seems to take TIME and in my case, much much journaling, distracting, pondering, going through pain, going through "firsts" over and over and over and over and over and over. When you look at photos of "grief" online, what are the people doing ... sitting. pondering. just sitting. ... and the picking up, vacuuming, etc. etc. can wait ... because the motivation to do those things is not the motivation for what we're DOING inside ... somehow we have to heal ourselves INSIDE and that's the first and most important thing. I do notice, though, that in my case, cooking is still something I find worthwhile, maybe because I was always our cook, and it's familiar for me. Having something I LIKE, to eat, makes me feel "better." And sunny days! I open the curtains to let in the sun! and that's not hard to do and I do it easily. But I need something to motivate me to vacuum. I'm here by myself, nobody else sees inside the house! ... and also the house doesn't really need much vacuuming, again, because ... it's just me (and the kitten/cats). I wear the same clothes, day after day, because who cares? there's nobody but me here. In the beginning of this journey, I was remembering that old movie, "Omega Man," just total aloneness like you're the last living person on earth. just some thoughts. I agree. When I need to cry or am just not feeling like doing anything, I give myself that release/break. When I have enough strength to get something started, once I'm doing it, I feel o.k. It also gives my mind and body a rest from all the grieving. Speaking of shoveling snow, it's coming down over where I am and I'll need to shovel snow soon. 😕 Not really looking forward to it, but you know, the act somehow makes me feel more empowered. Like if I can do this, it proves to myself that I will be o.k. on my own. Have you considered one of those robot vacuum things? Unfortunately, they don't do stairs. I don't know why but dust seems to accumulate really fast in my house. I don't like vacuuming. My dog doesn't like the vacuum. But man, it's nice to have dust free floors, and quite satisfying seeing all the dust getting sucked up! 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HisMunchkin Posted January 23 Members Report Share Posted January 23 On 1/22/2024 at 3:58 PM, Griefsucks810 said: I need to get boxes only cuz I don’t have the room for multiple containers. Thanks for giving me the incentive to start cleaning up my mess. How is it going? I just thought of something - you may not even need boxes. Just use garbage bags. Of course, remember not to throw them out. Then go through a bag at a time to sort and unpack stuff after the vacuuming a moping. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post HisMunchkin Posted January 24 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted January 24 Just came back from shoveling snow. It really does feel good to have done it! 😁 And hey, "workout"!! 💪😆 Going to research snow shovels now. My poor snow shovel is all chipped and peeling. 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Griefsucks810 Posted January 24 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted January 24 3 hours ago, HisMunchkin said: How is it going? I just thought of something - you may not even need boxes. Just use garbage bags. Of course, remember not to throw them out. Then go through a bag at a time to sort and unpack stuff after the vacuuming a moping. I wasn’t able to get boxes from the corner store today; I’ll try again tomorrow. I can’t use garbage bags cuz I have a cat and she’ll rip open the bags; thanks for the suggestion and for checking up on me. 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Gail 8588 Posted January 24 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted January 24 On 1/22/2024 at 4:13 PM, Griefsucks810 said: I am no longer a married woman. I am a middle aged woman with a status as single. I am a middle aged woman who is taking preventive measures to maintain my physical and mental health. I am a middle aged woman who chooses to live life in the present. I am a middle aged woman who survived the unexpected death of her late husband. I am a middle aged woman who will learn to love herself and have the self confidence to try and meet new people and go to places that I never been to. I am a middle aged woman who will overcome her grief and her depression which will help me find the path to have happiness and joy in my life once again. I am a middle aged woman who will live her new life to the fullest with the anticipation of having a future I can look forward to. This all applies to me, except 'I am an old woman.' 😉 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 24 Moderators Report Share Posted January 24 Me too, Gail...I'm in my 70s, how did I get here? 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HisMunchkin Posted January 24 Members Report Share Posted January 24 16 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said: I wasn’t able to get boxes from the corner store today; I’ll try again tomorrow. I can’t use garbage bags cuz I have a cat and she’ll rip open the bags; thanks for the suggestion and for checking up on me. Lol @ your cat. 🥰 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Jemiga70 Posted January 26 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted January 26 On 1/22/2024 at 11:47 PM, HisMunchkin said: From the book, "The Grieving Brain", they say that time alone doesn't really do the healing. It's the active adaptation to the new circumstances and making changes to rebuild and restore your life to a meaningful one that does most of the healing. There's a quote by someone called Elbert Hubbard, that's inline with those findings: "The cure for grief is motion." Haven't read the book, but it makes sense the passage of time itself can't be of much help. The quote from Elbert Hubbard, yes. One has to do the work. Doing the work is difficult. I've wanted to give up often. Even now it still feels like a bad dream. She must be coming back, no? It'll soon be 2 years 9 months since she passed. I've tried to push myself - gently and slowly - with various things in life. None of it has been easy (duh) and I don't like my life now, but it is what it is. It's either give up or go forth. At the moment I am two weeks into traveling solo in Southeast Asia - a HUUUGE step for me. I actually booked the flight, packed my bags and got on that plane. I actually did it. I realize I'm lucky to be in a position to do this. This part of the world was special to me and my wife. We lived and traveled here. There are emotional landmines everwhere. I've shed tears nearly every day. How could I not? But it's not 100% sadness 100% of the time, and it's not waterfalls of crying or wailing like it was in the early months / 1st year. I'll recall a favorite meal or stretch of beach. Feelings of gratefulness will surface, perhaps accompanied by just a tinge of sadness. I miss her physical presence so much it drives me crazy. I've no way of physically expressing affection. I would suggest to others to please be patient with yourself. Our lives were upended when we lost our person. I would guess for most of us it is a slow, gradual process to just right the boat, so to speak, let alone chart a new course. In the first few months after my wife passed I couldn't even go out to eat by myself - it was too painful. Grocery shopping was torture. It was almost two years before I took myself to a movie. I realized I didn't want to do it again, but I'm glad I gave it a shot because I felt like doing it. Now I'm over here. I'm not saying anyone should do what I'm doing, fly across the world and wander around with a backpack. What I'm doing is what feels right for me at this time. But because time alone can't heal our grief we have to nudge ourselves now and again if we have any hope of feeling a little less crappy. We have to work with the passage of time to increase our chances of feeling something other than constant despair. I came back to see if I could once again live in this part of the world... without her. It's too early to tell. One thing is clear: I still feel that half of me has been amputated, no matter where I am in the world, no matter what I am doing, no matter if stocks went up or down, no matter if I'm staying at a $10 guesthouse or a beachfront bungalow. Inside me there is a hollowness, a lack of color and tone. I do wonder if that improves with continued action and the passage of time? Finally, I have trouble believing a person heals from grief completely. A scar never vanishes from the skin. We heal as best we can. 6 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Rey Dominguez Jr Posted January 26 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted January 26 Jemiga70, Beautifully expressed! 2 hours ago, Jemiga70 said: Finally, I have trouble believing a person heals from grief completely. A scar never vanishes from the skin. We heal as best we can. This says it all for me. 4 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Popular Post KayC Posted January 26 Moderators Popular Post Report Share Posted January 26 Agreed...my recent dogbite is proof of this, raised angry red welts raised above the skin, a reminder of what I suffered five weeks ago...our grief is the same. Not visible, but very much there. 5 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Gail 8588 Posted January 26 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted January 26 My experience, at 7 years, is that the hollowness, lack of color and tone do improve, considerably, but my hollowness, color and tone have not returned to my pre-grief level. I don't know that they ever will. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Boggled Posted January 26 Author Members Popular Post Report Share Posted January 26 14 hours ago, Jemiga70 said: I do wonder if that improves with continued action and the passage of time? 21 minutes ago, Gail 8588 said: My experience, at 7 years, is that the hollowness, lack of color and tone do improve, considerably, but my hollowness, color and tone have not returned to my pre-grief level. I don't know that they ever will. Me, all I know is I'm different, not the same, and I've FORGOTTEN the qualities I used to have that make the difference. On a thread quite a while ago, someone had said "I used to love the world," ... and I'd forgotten ... that it was even possible to feel that, but when she said that, I remembered. Not that I felt that I loved the world, but I remembered that ... oh yeah! ... I used to feel like that at some happy times. Jemiga70, I hope you can at least enjoy something/s resulting from your HUUUGE step! ... 3 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HisMunchkin Posted January 27 Members Report Share Posted January 27 19 hours ago, Jemiga70 said: At the moment I am two weeks into traveling solo in Southeast Asia - a HUUUGE step for me. I actually booked the flight, packed my bags and got on that plane. I actually did it. I realize I'm lucky to be in a position to do this. This part of the world was special to me and my wife. We lived and traveled here. There are emotional landmines everwhere. I've shed tears nearly every day. How could I not? But it's not 100% sadness 100% of the time, and it's not waterfalls of crying or wailing like it was in the early months / 1st year. I'll recall a favorite meal or stretch of beach. Feelings of gratefulness will surface, perhaps accompanied by just a tinge of sadness. I miss her physical presence so much it drives me crazy. I've no way of physically expressing affection. Those are one of the "firsts", I suppose. You haven't been back since her passing, so all the reminders are your firsts. Are you at least enjoying the weather and food and views a little over there? 19 hours ago, Jemiga70 said: I would suggest to others to please be patient with yourself. Our lives were upended when we lost our person. I would guess for most of us it is a slow, gradual process to just right the boat, so to speak, let alone chart a new course. 👍 13 hours ago, KayC said: Agreed...my recent dogbite is proof of this, raised angry red welts raised above the skin, a reminder of what I suffered five weeks ago...our grief is the same. Not visible, but very much there. Oh no! What happened? Was it a dog you knew? 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 27 Moderators Report Share Posted January 27 10 hours ago, HisMunchkin said: Oh no! What happened? Was it a dog you knew? I took a neighbor a loaf of bread I'd made them for Christmas, fresh out of the oven...they have a vicious dog but they put him outside when someone comes, well they did, but Ken had forgotten to close the gate so he whipped around to the front porch and it was all history. They made light of it even though it was horrific and bled profusely. Took over three weeks to heal and I heal quickly and am no stranger to dog bites. This tied first place with my worst one, and I have had many. Thankful it was my arm and not my hand this time, also my knees are still healing from him knocking me down with a vengence! 1 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post DWS Posted January 27 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted January 27 17 hours ago, Boggled said: Me, all I know is I'm different, not the same, and I've FORGOTTEN the qualities I used to have that make the difference. On a thread quite a while ago, someone had said "I used to love the world," ... and I'd forgotten ... that it was even possible to feel that, but when she said that, I remembered. Not that I felt that I loved the world, but I remembered that ... oh yeah! ... I used to feel like that at some happy times. I seem to feel this way immensely when I'm in the grocery store. All around me is the familiar sameness with other patrons walking with their significant others and young families all seemingly in their "glory" years...before the deaths of any of their loved ones has impacted their lives. I see them and envy them. Oh, how much I want to be back there...back in those innocent moments of wondering where Tom wandered off to and playfully squabbling over which dessert we should treat ourselves to tonight. Yes...I guess I did love the world back then. 1 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Jemiga70 Posted January 27 Members Report Share Posted January 27 18 hours ago, Gail 8588 said: My experience, at 7 years, is that the hollowness, lack of color and tone do improve, considerably, but my hollowness, color and tone have not returned to my pre-grief level. I don't know that they ever will. Thanks for sharing and for being honest about that, Gail. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Jemiga70 Posted January 27 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted January 27 (edited) 13 hours ago, HisMunchkin said: You haven't been back since her passing, so all the reminders are your firsts. Are you at least enjoying the weather and food and views a little over there? Yes, I have been enjoying all those things. What I'm realizing is that our SHARING those experiences made them exceptional. There have been days where I've gone overboard on food / drinks, then realized later what folly it was to try to fill a hole that can't be filled. Edited January 27 by Jemiga70 word choice 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators Popular Post KayC Posted January 27 Moderators Popular Post Report Share Posted January 27 2 hours ago, DWS said: I seem to feel this way immensely when I'm in the grocery store. All around me is the familiar sameness with other patrons walking with their significant others This was huge for me, my daughter got my groceries for months until I finally told myself I needed to put on my big girl panties and deal with it. Even now, 18 1/2 years later, it's still hard to see a husband/wife duo where he's bagging the groceries...sometimes I tell them to love each other while they can...mine's been gone a number of years. It was really hard when I broke my right elbow and no one would help me get them into my cart or my car. I remember asking at Costco for help with the dogfood, waited a half hour, no one came, asked again, nope. I finally figured a way to roll the cart next to my car, hold the wheel steady with my foot and roll the bag into the trunk with my good arm, it was hard though. Did the same when I got home, into the wheelbarrow, had a hard time getting it on the patio, got it to the back door and just dumped it on the floor. Would have been so easy if George were still here... 1 2 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HisMunchkin Posted January 27 Members Report Share Posted January 27 5 hours ago, KayC said: I took a neighbor a loaf of bread I'd made them for Christmas, fresh out of the oven...they have a vicious dog but they put him outside when someone comes, well they did, but Ken had forgotten to close the gate so he whipped around to the front porch and it was all history. They made light of it even though it was horrific and bled profusely. Took over three weeks to heal and I heal quickly and am no stranger to dog bites. This tied first place with my worst one, and I have had many. Thankful it was my arm and not my hand this time, also my knees are still healing from him knocking me down with a vengence! Oh no, that's awful. 🥺 Odd that the neighbor would make light of it. Perhaps they fear that you would sue? 4 hours ago, DWS said: I seem to feel this way immensely when I'm in the grocery store. All around me is the familiar sameness with other patrons walking with their significant others and young families all seemingly in their "glory" years...before the deaths of any of their loved ones has impacted their lives. I see them and envy them. Oh, how much I want to be back there...back in those innocent moments of wondering where Tom wandered off to and playfully squabbling over which dessert we should treat ourselves to tonight. Yes...I guess I did love the world back then. 😥..... I feel the same way. 3 hours ago, Jemiga70 said: Yes, I have been enjoying all those things. What I'm realizing is that our SHARING those experiences made them exceptional. There have been days where I've gone overboard on food / drinks, then realized later what folly it was to try to fill a hole that can't be filled. Oh yes. Being able to share pleasant experiences with the one closest to your heart is so much better. "Twice as good" Then during hard times, the baggage feels "Half as heavy". I'm so sorry. I hope you'll find the strength to hang in there. I am trying to fill that "hole" with gratefulness for having had him in my life, and the courage, strength, and will to live on for both of us, because he didn't get a chance to. 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Jemiga70 Posted January 28 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted January 28 (edited) 7 hours ago, HisMunchkin said: I am trying to fill that "hole" with gratefulness for having had him in my life, and the courage, strength, and will to live on for both of us, because he didn't get a chance to. I applaud your courage for being aware of this and acting on it, hard as it is, especially b/c your grief is so fresh and so raw right now. I've said on this board several times that one of the few things that helped me turn a corner on my grief was my sitting with a medium. The other has been to be grateful for her. She taught me so much. She's still looking out for me. There have been signs on this trip. Edited January 28 by Jemiga70 word choice 3 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post HisMunchkin Posted January 28 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted January 28 7 minutes ago, Jemiga70 said: I applaud your courage for being aware of this and acting on it, hard as it is, especially b/c your grief is so fresh and so raw right now. I've said on this board several times that one of the few things that helped me turn a corner on my grief was my sitting with a medium. The other has been to be grateful for her. She taught me so much. She's still looking out for me. There have been signs on this trip. Thanks. Although don't get me wrong, "trying" doesn't mean that it's easy for me. Sometimes I feel like I'm sick and tired of all the pain and anxiety, so I try to channel all that "energy" towards living on for the both of us. "Fight or flight", perhaps? And when being grateful, thanking my husband in my mind, I would occasionally cry because it also makes me miss him. One of the things I'm grateful for is the sense of security and comfort that his presence provided me. So I try to remember how that felt whenever I'm feeling anxious or sad. It's very hard to reproduce that feeling, though. And it seems to be getting harder and harder, so I imagine that he's watching over me, and talking to him in my head. One of the last things he said to me was, "You'll be o.k. You are strong. You are one of the strongest person I know!"... I don't know about that. Maybe I try to appear strong. I certainly don't feel strong a lot of times. And if I were strong, a lot of the strength came from having him in my life and from being loved by him. I have never been closer to another person as I was with him. Not even my parents, who were rather distant, actually. In the book "The Grieving Brain" the author said that your experiences with your loved one actually changed your brain in such a way that it would be very different had you never met your loved one. So in that sense, your loved one is forever a part of you because of the changes. 7 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post JonathanFive Posted January 28 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted January 28 14 minutes ago, HisMunchkin said: "You'll be o.k. You are strong. You are one of the strongest person I know!" Maybe that's one of the things he truly loved about you too 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted January 28 Moderators Report Share Posted January 28 10 hours ago, KayC said: It was really hard when I broke my right elbow and no one would help me get them into my cart or my car. I remember asking at Costco for help with the dogfood, waited a half hour, no one came, asked again, nope. I finally figured a way to roll the cart next to my car, hold the wheel steady with my foot and roll the bag into the trunk with my good arm, it was hard though. Did the same when I got home, into the wheelbarrow, had a hard time getting it on the patio, got it to the back door and just dumped it on the floor. Would have been so easy if George were still here... Man that pisses me off. I would have called them up later and asked to speak to the manager and ripped them a new one. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted January 28 Moderators Report Share Posted January 28 14 hours ago, KayC said: I took a neighbor a loaf of bread I'd made them for Christmas, fresh out of the oven...they have a vicious dog but they put him outside when someone comes, There's a brilliant idea. Quote Ken had forgotten to close the gate so he whipped around to the front porch and it was all history. They made light of it even though it was horrific and bled profusely. That pisses me off even more. What the bleep is wrong with people?? I would have went "let's see how much you're laughing in court when I sue your ass off...oh and Merry Christmas." 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Griefsucks810 Posted January 28 Members Report Share Posted January 28 On 1/26/2024 at 2:58 AM, Rey Dominguez Jr said: Jemiga70, Beautifully expressed! This says it all for me. I agree with Jemiga70 that it was beautifully expressed. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Griefsucks810 Posted January 28 Members Report Share Posted January 28 29 minutes ago, widower2 said: There's a brilliant idea. That pisses me off even more. What the bleep is wrong with people?? I would have went "let's see how much you're laughing in court when I sue your ass off...oh and Merry Christmas." So sad to hear that the vicious dog attacked and caused profused bleeding. That dog should be euthanized cuz it’s a threat to the neighbors. The dog’s owner should be liable for pain and suffering and pay all the medical bills too. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators widower2 Posted January 28 Moderators Report Share Posted January 28 I disagree. If anyone should be euthanized, it's the neighbors. The dog isn't responsible for how it was (or was not) trained, to say nothing of letting an aggressive attack dog out when someone nears the house. The dog should be confiscated and given to someone with a clue about how to handle dogs and the neighbors should be in jail. 4 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 28 Moderators Report Share Posted January 28 I just found out from another neighbor that the dog attacked him too when he was called over there to remove a tree. They should have put the dog in their house. They're going to be damned lonely because no one will go over there anymore 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Griefsucks810 Posted January 28 Members Report Share Posted January 28 4 hours ago, KayC said: I just found out from another neighbor that the dog attacked him too when he was called over there to remove a tree. They should have put the dog in their house. They're going to be damned lonely because no one will go over there anymore Obviously the dog’s owner has no regard for the well being of the neighbors and purposely lets the dog out of the house knowing that the dog is gonna attack anyone who comes over to their house. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members HisMunchkin Posted January 28 Members Report Share Posted January 28 4 hours ago, KayC said: I just found out from another neighbor that the dog attacked him too when he was called over there to remove a tree. They should have put the dog in their house. They're going to be damned lonely because no one will go over there anymore Oh no!... Did they have that dog for a long time? 3 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Popular Post Griefsucks810 Posted January 28 Members Popular Post Report Share Posted January 28 22 hours ago, HisMunchkin said: Oh no, that's awful. 🥺 Odd that the neighbor would make light of it. Perhaps they fear that you would sue? 😥..... I feel the same way. Oh yes. Being able to share pleasant experiences with the one closest to your heart is so much better. "Twice as good" Then during hard times, the baggage feels "Half as heavy". I'm so sorry. I hope you'll find the strength to hang in there. I am trying to fill that "hole" with gratefulness for having had him in my life, and the courage, strength, and will to live on for both of us, because he didn't get a chance to. Filling that “hole” in my life is something I need to work on cuz i still feel the emptiness. I am thankful to God for letting me have my Richie as long as he did. I also need to have the courage, strength and will to live this new life of mine without my husband. 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderators KayC Posted January 28 Moderators Report Share Posted January 28 A few years, I think he was in denial when Jack took care of his tree. He's been a wonderful neighbor until now. I think they didn't check on me out of embarrassment. The worst thing someone can do is...nothing. A simple phone call would have gone a long ways. 2 1 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members Griefsucks810 Posted January 29 Members Report Share Posted January 29 23 hours ago, widower2 said: Man that pisses me off. I would have called them up later and asked to speak to the manager and ripped them a new one. I also would have asked to speak to a manager and gave him/her a piece of my mind. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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