Unable to move on

[LBbone]

Responding to everyone here IT SUCKS!!!!

cannot find  or create a “new normal“ for us 

things I did every night laundry, dishes, dinner, and my girls helped some but none of us want to do any of it

[DougH]

I lost my wife and have no children left. All dead all 3 some it's just me and puppy. 

[LBbone]

That super sucks. Don’t know how I would cope without my girls or they me we did get a dog though as emotional support so I’m glad you have your puppy

[LBbone]

3 hours ago, Gator M said:

Doug:

God has helped me a lot but I still deal with the grief.   I doubt I'll ever be the way I was.

I find posting and talking really takes some of the anxiety away.

I'm not dealing with your health issues...that must be extreme.  I am dealing with my house but that's not even in the same league.

You're (we're) in my prayers.

 

I’ll really stink at using this app would like to talk to you if you want text or call me 843-860-2818

[KayC]

26 minutes ago, DougH said:

I lost my wife and have no children left. All dead all 3 some it's just me and puppy. 

Unreal that anyone should have to experience that. I am so sorry.  I'm glad you have your puppy. Mine is my world.

[SSC]

@DougH did you say you are only 54 and not only lost your wife but all your children as well?  I can’t even imagine going through all that!  I am deeply sorry for all you have endured.   I can understand why you feel you need to be on the other side with them and not here in this world,  I too feel like I have one foot in both worlds.  It is a definite struggle.  Being young, knowing you have 30+ years left to wait makes the days drag.  I am 56, retired and at 4+ years out I am still finding it difficult to find my footing.  It seems it’s something we have to work on every single day.  

[RichS]

Doug:  What has happened to you is  so unfair. Please continue to post on this board. There are good people here who will listen and bring you comfort.

[DougH]

Ty for your text.  I am numb with grief,  but especially with the need to end.

[DougH]

2 minutes ago, DougH said:

Ty for your text.  I am numb with grief,  but especially with the need to end.

Have appt today with therapist,  I am trying to get the assist thing going but it's so hard to convince the doctor to sign the papers. I told hiim it's my life and I would like to leave peaceably , without drama and I don't want my gdkids to suffer from what seems the way I am forced.  But all i have done is attend family funerals and if I talk just a little like this I lose friendships. That is the worst thing ever. It makes you numb with grief losing a close friend. You now feel guilty and more totally alone than ever. It push you to that edge.

[RichS]

6 minutes ago, DougH said:

Have an appointment today with a therapist,

It's good that you're going to see a therapist. Most of us could have used one along the way of our grief journey. Hope he/she can be helpful. Also, remember us folks here on the board. We're here to help in whatever way we can.

[DougH]

Been seeing therapist for 9 months. This time it's for getting assistance from a life ending. GP.

[DougH]

1 minute ago, Gator M said:

I get the wanting to leave.  I'm there BUT I encourage you to wait on the Lord...Especially if you DON'T believe.  

I hope I'm not breaking any rules here.  

I'm praying for you...ALL of us.  

Who said anything about believing.  The emotional, physical,  and mental health can only take so much. That trumps any believe. If you were at this point then you would see. I have bibles, and Jesus calling, theology, that I read. Faith is shattered for living not in God.  Its so different but must people tie it together and those don't get it.

Just now, DougH said:

Who said anything about believing.  The emotional, physical,  and mental health can only take so much. That trumps any believe. If you were at this point then you would see. I have bibles, and Jesus calling, theology, that I read. Faith is shattered for living not in God.  Its so different but must people tie it together and those don't get it.

I can give examples but please think about it before I do that. Thank you for caring, and I mean that

[DougH]

1 hour ago, Gator M said:

I hope you reconsider.  I understand.  I believe in Heaven and Paradise.  For me...I put this in God's hands.  So, the ball is in his court.  But that's just me.

If you are in this much pain...it must be EXTEMLY serious?  I pray the Lord gives you peace and at least some comfort.  I don't want to give you platitudes. 

We're here for you.  

Thank you 

[SSC]

@DougH my heart breaks for you as I feel I want to tell you to fight to want to stay but at the same time I understand wanting to go.  I have stood where you are and if it wasn’t for my children having to go through the death of another parent I would be on the other side right now.   It can be too much pain to bear and it seems you are at that point.  I am not sure where you live but nowhere in the states am I aware will a doctor assist in end of life for acute grief.  I pray you and your therapist can work through things and come to an agreement where starting things in motion might help you in other ways as well.  Maybe antidepressants will help?  Even if you try them until you make your final decision?

[DougH]

1 hour ago, SSC said:

@DougH my heart breaks for you as I feel I want to tell you to fight to want to stay but at the same time I understand wanting to go.  I have stood where you are and if it wasn’t for my children having to go through the death of another parent I would be on the other side right now.   It can be too much pain to bear and it seems you are at that point.  I am not sure where you live but nowhere in the states am I aware will a doctor assist in end of life for acute grief.  I pray you and your therapist can work through things and come to an agreement where starting things in motion might help you in other ways as well.  Maybe antidepressants will help?  Even if you try them until you make your final decision?

I am on my 3 type antidepressant now. Will try.

[KayC]

You have lost more than most of us and I can't even begin to imagine how you're feeling right now, very few have lost spouse AND all their children.   It is my understanding they will not help you end your life unless terminal.  I don't know where you live though, maybe the laws are different than here.

I understand you holding on for your wife, and then when she died, how despondent you must feel.  I beg you to give this time, see a grief counselor, psychologist, continue getting help from your doctor, take the antidepressant meds, keep in close touch with your doctor how they are/aren't working so he can switch you if necessary.  Keep coming here, voicing yourself, we may not be much help but we care.

[RichS]

39 minutes ago, KayC said:

continue getting help from your doctor, take the antidepressant meds, keep in close touch with your doctor how they are/aren't working so he can switch you if necessary.  Keep coming here, voicing yourself, we may not be much help but we care

Doug:  Kay is giving you a lot of wise advice (she's been dealing with grieving longer than most of us). Personally, I had to change my antidepressant many years ago because the current medication I was taking was no longer helping. I called a friend who dealt with the same problem and he said that this can happen after taking certain anti-depressants for many years; so DEFINITELY contact your doctor. And YES, WE ARE ALL HERE to help you through this in whatever ways we can.

[Griefsucks810]

On 5/23/2023 at 2:11 PM, LBbone said:

How did you find a way to accept it? I keep asking when that stage is going to happen.

I just recently fully accepted the loss of my husband who died 4 years 5 months ago.  I kept reading various online forum posts which all said that you have to fully accept the loss of your spouse and their untimely death and all of the what if’s, what could have been and what should have been died with him/her.  We also have to accept the harsh reality that all of our unanswered questions will never be answered.

[RichS]

13 hours ago, Griefsucks810 said:

I just recently fully accepted the loss of my husband who died 4 years 5 months ago.

For me I guess it comes in two stages: accepting it (which I have) and fully accepting it (a work in progress).

[KayC]

I accept that it happened, but not sure I fully accept it as I don't agree with it happening, it wasn't his time, imo.

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/23/2024 at 9:30 AM, RichS said:

For me I guess it comes in two stages: accepting it (which I have) and fully accepting it (a work in progress).

Hey RichS glad to see that you have accepted it. You’ll get to the point of fully accepting it. It will happen and you’ll feel a sense of emotional and mental relief overcome you. 

For me it took as long as it did cuz I had to fully accept that I’m never gonna get the answers to my unanswered questions as to the circumstances which led up to my husband’s death.  It was a choice to either stay stuck or let it go and move forward with my life.  I still have a lot of work to do on myself before I fully see the light at the end of tunnel. 

[Griefsucks810]

On 1/23/2024 at 1:21 PM, KayC said:

I accept that it happened, but not sure I fully accept it as I don't agree with it happening, it wasn't his time, imo.

Hey KayC, I share your view that it wasn’t my husband’s time either. He died unexpectedly at the age of 57.  The forensic pathologist told me that his death was quick and he did not endure any suffering. 

I had to come to terms with myself that in order for me to move forward with my life I had to fully accept his death as it happened and I also had to fully accept that I’ll never receive an answer to my unanswered questions pertaining to the circumstances which led up to his death. Only God knows the answers to my unanswered questions and I don’t believe that he’ll ever reveal the answers to me. 

[widower2]

On 1/23/2024 at 1:21 PM, KayC said:

I accept that it happened, but not sure I fully accept it as I don't agree with it happening, it wasn't his time, imo.

Realistically I don't think I'll ever truly and fully accept it. It's too extreme, too ridiculous, too insane. 

[Griefsucks810]

I’ve been stuck in a rut for the last 4 years 5 months since my husband died.  I have severe social anxiety, major depressive disorder and bipolar 1 disorder. The depression is what is keeping me stuck cuz I live in a state of misery and have a negative outlook on life. I lost my motivation to do anything productive for myself or around my apartment. All I do is lay in my bed all day with my cat next to me and watch tv. 

My therapist has told me over and over that I need to start setting goals for myself and I also need to ask myself what can make me happy? she also said I need to stop isolating myself in my room and start going outside everyday for 15-30 minutes. She also suggests that I think of ways that will make me feel better about myself.  She also suggested that I do five things for myself like take up a hobby, visit my cousin more often, go back to church, etc.  She has a point that I need to do all of these things so I can have structure in my life and will have a daily routine and a better outlook on life. It’s all just a matter of starting everything and staying with it to improve my quality of life.  I’ve also read online articles that the reason I’m not doing anything productive with my life all stems from my grief which is why I haven’t been able to move forward. I’m gonna give all of the above a try and will wait and see if there is any improvement to my quality of life. I don’t wanna live the way I’ve been living anymore; I have to do all of the work consistently in order to see the  positive differences they will make in my life. 

[RichS]

1 hour ago, Griefsucks810 said:

I have to do all of the work consistently in order to see the  positive differences they will make in my life. 

And it starts with little steps each day. Something all of us have to do and are still doing every day. Come join the crowd......................

[DWS]

1 hour ago, Griefsucks810 said:

My therapist has told me over and over that I need to start setting goals for myself and I also need to ask myself what can make me happy? she also said I need to stop isolating myself in my room and start going outside everyday for 15-30 minutes. She also suggests that I think of ways that will make me feel better about myself.  She also suggested that I do five things for myself like take up a hobby, visit my cousin more often, go back to church, etc.  She has a point that I need to do all of these things so I can have structure in my life and will have a daily routine and a better outlook on life. It’s all just a matter of starting everything and staying with it to improve my quality of life.  I’ve also read online articles that the reason I’m not doing anything productive with my life all stems from my grief which is why I haven’t been able to move forward. I’m gonna give all of the above a try and will wait and see if there is any improvement to my quality of life. I don’t wanna live the way I’ve been living anymore; I have to do all of the work consistently in order to see the  positive differences they will make in my life. 

That sounds like quite an exhaustive list to me and so much easier said than done when we're continually living day-to-day without the person who we truly feel loved and cared for us. As Rich says, just starting out with a small step is the best plan and I think you've actually done that by exploring all of the posting of thoughts and stories on this site...and not only reading them but responding! That's your attempt of reaching out, expressing what's stirring in your heart and releasing. That type of thing is what I've learned in this time is called "doing the grief work" and it's quite a self-loving step for many of us to take. 

[HisMunchkin]

8 hours ago, DWS said:

As Rich says, just starting out with a small step is the best plan and I think you've actually done that by exploring all of the posting of thoughts and stories on this site...and not only reading them but responding! That's your attempt of reaching out, expressing what's stirring in your heart and releasing. That type of thing is what I've learned in this time is called "doing the grief work" and it's quite a self-loving step for many of us to take. 

So true!  One step at a time.  And coming here is "doing something".