Unable to move on

[Beetroot123]

I lost my life partner 3 months ago and struggling to find a reason to live in this world. I want to know if it gets any better. I feel so sad, lost, and depressed. He was my whole life.

[KayC]

I am so sorry for your loss!  Welcome to our group!  It help to find others that get it and understand.  I hope you will continue to come here to read and post, it helps us process our grief...also this is like a family, very supportive and caring. I am sorry you found attendance a little low today as our security cert. ran out and finally got taken care of, no one could get on earlier.
It's no wonder you feel unable to "move on"...it's not a term we use so much as we don't find that possible or even right to ask of grievers, instead we try to figure out how to continue with our lives.  Their absence is felt by us all.

I lost my husband nearly 18 years ago, I wrote this article at about ten years out from my experience and those of others on grief forums.  

I am curious about your username...beetroot is something used often by diabetics, wondered if any connection?  My husband died of a heart attack related to diabetes).

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.

 

[RichS]

Beetroot: WELCOME TO OUR BOARD! I joined four months ago and it has helped me a lot in my grieving process. I lost my wife barely nine months ago; so I can't claim to be an expert on long time grieving. However, from what other long time grievers have said, the pain lessens over time. You never forget your partner, but it's more manageable over time, so take heart in that. Also, please continue to post here. There are lots of nice folks here who will give you comfort and encouragement when you need it.

[Beetroot123]

Thank you all for your kind words and thoughts you have shared with me. I really appreciate it.

[Beetroot123]

Thank you Sim7079

[widower2]

On 5/1/2023 at 12:56 PM, Beetroot123 said:

I lost my life partner 3 months ago and struggling to find a reason to live in this world. I want to know if it gets any better.

Realistically, believe it or not, yes. It just takes time, unfortunately. Try to focus on the day at hand and not wonder about tomorrow, next week, or a month from Friday. Today is enough. 

[Beetroot123]

Thank you  all, this forum has been so great for me as everyone here can relate. It’s very hard for me to connect with family and friends as they don’t relate. This week has been exceptionally tough and I appreciate you all. 

[widower2]

Try to go easy on them...no one can really relate or "get it" unless they've been there. When I got counseling, my counselor had suffered a premature loss as I had, so she got it too, that was huge. Might want to consider something like that...counseling, grief groups, etc.

[KayC]

Beetroot, 
All of our friends disappeared overnight, my two BFFs before the funeral even!  My family cared but didn't get it as they all still had their spouses, still do.  My one sister eventually lost her husband, but she was lucky and got to join him 1 1/2 years later...it's been 18 years for me, I will likely do 40 w/o him.  Sometimes I wonder why but then dismiss that pondering, I do today.  Stay in today.  I can handle one day, this one, then tomorrow I get up and do it all over again.  Not like groundhog day though, I look for what is good in today, and can always find something, even if it means, "Well, it's over!"  You will make your way through this, but for now, know we care and we're here...

[Brazil Man]

On 5/1/2023 at 1:56 PM, Beetroot123 said:

I lost my life partner 3 months ago and struggling to find a reason to live in this world.

Dear @Beetroot123. For me it's almost 5 years since my beloved wife passed away. What you are feeling is normal in early years of grief. As a matter of fact you don't have to make any effort to move on; time will do it. All you have to do is endure and wait. If you can spleep well it's a good way to allow time to pass faster.Be strong and remember: You are not alone. Please post here whenever you are feeling down and we will be glad to reply.

Hugs

Moises

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Beetroot123]

Hi Moises,

Thank you for your response, it’s so appreciative that there is platform like this where people dealing with the same thing can share words of hope. I struggle to want to live in this world right now. I know that may seem selfish but I have nothing to live for anymore. My partner was my life. It’s just so hard.

[KayC]

37 minutes ago, Beetroot123 said:

My partner was my life. It’s just so hard

I am so sorry, I understand, it was the same for us. 

[Beetroot123]

Thank you @maud, appreciate your message. 

[RichS]

3 hours ago, Gator M said:

I'm still at the apathy.

Gator M:  Apathy is a part of my daily living. Don't let the small stuff bother me anymore. Taking it one day at a time, which is challenging enough in itself. I see news events on TV. When things get too dramatic, I change the channel. Same thing with sports. It's only a game (at least to me). Sometimes you see some strange behaviors in public places. All you can do is shake your head and move on with your day. After you've experienced the losses we all have, nothing seems that important unless it directly affects you.

At the same time, if someone needs help or a favor, I try my best to respond in a helpful way. That part of me hasn't changed.

[Wavesnsky]

@Beetroot123I feel pretty much the same as your post. It has been just about the same amount of time for me. I have really immersed myself in my family. Taking trips to see them and spending more time with the ones who are close here. I’ve also gotten more involved at church. The busyness helps me, however I still have to face the grief in order to work through this grief. I’m not sure if it will ever end, but I do know my Suzy would want me to carry on and see the beauty in the world. To experience joy with family, kids and grandkids. It’s probably going to take twice as long as to get through this healing, now that I’m only half a person.

[Beetroot123]

@Wavesnsky, I’m so sorry for your loss and pray that life gets easier for us all.

[KayC]

9 hours ago, Gator M said:

Don't even complain about your spouse...I might respond with a harsh, "you better appreciate what you have.  All can be gone in a flash"

OMG, I tried to tell my sister her husband loved her when she'd complain about it, but she didn't realize it until he was gone.  People complain about doing things for their spouse, George and I never felt that way, we loved and appreciated each other so much, you try to tell people they could be gone but they don't listen.

 

9 hours ago, Wavesnsky said:

I do know my Suzy would want me to carry on and see the beauty in the world. To experience joy with family, kids and grandkids.

This is so important to keep ourselves open to this!

[Brazil Man]

14 hours ago, Gator M said:

will be forever different

Yes, you will be diferent for the rest of your life. I became different too, but now, after almost 5 years, I got used to grieving. But there will come a time when we will be if fact forever different; when Jesus come back to take us to Heaven to be reunited forever.

[KayC]

Hey, I'm the one that was asleep by 6:30 last night!  You might say I don't have a life, but I kind of like it as it is...I'd like it a whole lot more with George in it though!  But then, we'd probably be camping this weekend...

[SAR12]

@Beetroot123

So sorry for your loss. 
First time posting, but have been visiting this site for a few months.

I lost my husband to pancreatic cancer in December 2022. It hasn’t been easy going thru the grief process. I have also tried to find a reason to go on without him. My 2 friends who are widows told me they felt this way in the beginning, too.  They said I will get used to it. I prefer this way of thinking rather than the term “moving on.  I try to keep busy during the day, but nights are the worst for me. I feel so alone, and I still miss him so much! 

For 13 months, I took him to Dr appointments, chemo, scans, hospital stays, radiation 5 days a week for 6 weeks, and none of it worked. He was usually optimistic, but in the middle of it, he said he wished he had been killed in a car crash because it would’ve been instant instead of a death sentence being dragged on for months. I researched pc and with his oncology nurse, we tried to get him into a clinical study, but by then it was too late. He died 2 months later in hospice at home. Our son & daughter made that happen and I’m forever grateful to them for taking care of him so he could be with us at home. 
 

Losing my husband has been like an open wound- just when I think it’s starting to close and scab up, it’s blown wide open again although it’s not as bad as it was in the beginning. What has helped me: walking our dog. He loves his walks, but still misses my husband. Doing a you tube 5 or 10 exercise video. It a good distraction and makes you feel better. Taking up diamond painting for a hobby while listening to a podcast. I hope you can find what works for you. 
 

What gives me comfort now: I had a good marriage to a wonderful man with a great sense of humor. How lucky I was to have had that for 41 years. Not everyone gets to experience that. Sounds like you were one of the lucky ones, too. 

[KayC]

2 hours ago, Sim7079 said:

even had a dream with hubby in it for the first time in ages.

I'm so glad you did!  I haven't dreamed of George for years.

Yes, we have good memories of camping trips, walks in the woods, trips to the valley to visit friends and get groceries...everything we did was fun...it had him in it.  He always reminded me of a puppy dog wagging it's tail.

1 hour ago, SAR12 said:

I prefer this way of thinking rather than the term “moving on.

That's not a term used here...it sounds like leaving them behind, but we want to preserve that memory of them with us.  Welcome to our site, this is a place that truly cares about each other and are here for one another.  

I'm glad you found us, it helps to read and post!

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.

 

[Dawn Wms]

I am so sorry for your loss.  It is still so early for you.  It takes a long time.  I am three years in and still struggling.  I'm sorry if that sounds discouraging, but I think it depends on what stage of life you are in.  But the point is, it takes time.  How much time?  I don't know.  It depends on the person, the stage of life, the circumstances.  Just know you are not really alone.  So many of us share this type of pain and we are all here for you.

[KayC]

10 hours ago, Gator M said:

then they tell me I might find someone else...that's NOT going to happen

Bad enough seeing couples but inappropriate to tell you that.  I know they think they're helping but really, as we know, it doesn't.  Would they feel that way if it was one of them that died unbidden in the midst of their in-love happiness?  

9 hours ago, Gator M said:

God does not need my help.

I kind of beg to differ.  Yes He wants relationship, but He also wants us to help...

7 hours ago, Dawn Wms said:

It depends on the person, the stage of life, the circumstances.

Exactly.  No way to predict, it takes what it takes...one day at a time.

[Plumsy]

If it helps, I feel the same way. I started reading a book about grief. It is helping me to understand what is happening to me.  The pain is still there, every moment.  But I read a little every day and feel less alone and confused. It's aptly named 'Bearing the Unbearable'. 

[KayC]

I haven't read that one, butt I'm glad it's helping you.  The title alone sounds apt for grief!

[KayC]

Gator, I'm sure everyone understands.

[SSC]

As someone who has been dealing with grief for a long time and also not a loner, this has been one of my biggest challenges, living life alone.  Yes, I have children and 2 sisters that I’m close with but they all have lives of their own.  Everyone I know has a partner.  Well, that’s not true.  I do have widow and widower friends but they are all much older than me.  Regardless, I come home to an empty house.  I eat most meals alone.  I retired early so I don’t go to a job every day. I do visit with friends and family but it’s not the same, ya know?  I am starting to realize I can’t will myself to die and the world isn’t going to end anytime soon so I need to figure out a life that I can live alone (unfortunately) and some how be content with.  I wanted to travel when we retired and even though it’s not as appealing to travel alone I’m looking into solo trips.  For some reason when I travel the heavy weight of grief lifts a little for me.  I think it’s because I’m living in the moment, focused on what’s in front of me rather than reliving sad moments of the past.  
 

I now know it’s a waiting game and it’s best to keep busy.  We are forever changed like Brazil Man said and we can never go back but it’s something we have to eventually accept.

btw it’s good to hear from you @Brazil Man us “oldies” still hanging in there!

[Brazil Man]

19 minutes ago, SSC said:

btw it’s good to hear from you @Brazil Man us “oldies” still hanging in there!

Thank you for remembering me  @SSC.  I am glad to share my grief with you for all these years and sooth it. It's good to hear from you too.

 

[tlc]

Hello SSC and Brazil Man. I am at the five year mark too and still here. This site was a Godsend for me for the first few years and I appreciate that so much. The loving support of wonderful people on here.

Although my grief is still there and painful, I nowadays find some comfort in my garden and some small joy in each day. One sort of just learns to live with the sadness and the pain somehow.

There is nothing more certain than change and so I live from minute to minute, hour to hour, day by day and that's how I cope. I know that my soulmate and I will be together again and that knowledge keeps me going. I try to be and live just as we did when together. Sort of like having a long distance relationship!

SSC, I really hope that you get to do some solo travelling and that it helps. I am sure that it will because you will make new friends and make new memories.

 

[KayC]

8 hours ago, tlc said:

There is nothing more certain than change and so I live from minute to minute, hour to hour, day by day and that's how I cope. I know that my soulmate and I will be together again and that knowledge keeps me going.

This could have been written by me!  Thankful for you on this journey.

[Brazil Man]

13 hours ago, tlc said:

Hello SSC and Brazil Man

Hello @tlc. I remember you since the early years of my grief. Although amost 5 years have passed I still cry every time I remember her. But it's not so raw as in the early years. I hope you are feeling better now and continue with us in this forum. May God bless you and everyone in this forum.

 

 

[RichS]

On 5/7/2023 at 11:01 PM, tlc said:

Although my grief is still there and painful, I nowadays find some comfort in my garden and some small joy in each day. One sort of just learns to live with the sadness and the pain somehow. There is nothing more certain than change. I know that my soulmate and I will be together again and that knowledge keeps me going. I try to be and live just as we did when together. Sort of like having a long distance relationship!

tlc:  I'm inspired by your outlook! It's only been 9 months for me. I hope that my feelings become similar to yours in a few years.

[LBbone]

On 5/2/2023 at 11:57 PM, Beetroot123 said:

Thank you  all, this forum has been so great for me as everyone here can relate. It’s very hard for me to connect with family and friends as they don’t relate. This week has been exceptionally tough and I appreciate you all. 

It has been three months and six days since my husband of 24 years father of our two teenage daughters, with no signs or warning died of a massive heart attack 2 months before he was 60 I am 48 and having an extremely difficult time.  I can’t tell you if it gets better cause I just don’t know how to live without him. I can’t help but to think about the future of him not being in it when our girls graduate or get married or have children or will I ever ride on a motorcycle again? Some days are better than others I guess but I can’t quit crying today. I am empty, lost and completely heartbroken.
I have to quote evanescence with their song immortal perfectly explains how I feel:

This pain is just too real. These wounds won’t seem to heal. There’s just too much that time cannot erase

[Beetroot123]

Hi @LBbone, I’m so sorry for your loss. I feel for you so much. We both experienced unexpected loss. I am sad every day as my partner was my happy. I now live in a world without happiness. For me it’s been just over 3months. I don’t think it gets easier but I have only come to terms now of actually accepting it. That was my first step in actually finding some sort of calm in my life. 

[LBbone]

How did you find a way to accept it? I keep asking when that stage is going to happen.

[Beetroot123]

@LBbone, it only just happened this past weekend. It’s so hard to explain but there is something that shifted for me that allowed me to accept that he is no longer here. I tell myself now that he had the best life. He went to soon, but I now I have to believe he is in a better place. I have not been sleeping regularly for the last 3 months and after accepting his loss, I am now also have better nights sleep. I used to cry myself to sleep and think about him. Now I think of all our happy moments together, it has helped me a lot. 

[KayC]

51 minutes ago, Beetroot123 said:

I don’t think it gets easier

It's too soon in this for you to possibly know, it can take years...

[RichS]

26 minutes ago, Beetroot123 said:

It’s so hard to explain but there is something that shifted for me that allowed me to accept that he is no longer here. I tell myself now that he had the best life. He went to soon, but I now I have to believe he is in a better place.

That's great news to hear!! It now must be easier to feel a little more happier about things. I've haven't yet arrived at that point in my grief, but I remind myself that we all grieve at our own pace. 

[LBbone]

1 hour ago, Gator M said:

LBone:

It's been 4 months for me.  My wife was misdiagnosed with osteoporosis but had multiple myeloma.  We found it Christmas 2022 and she went septic Jan 13th 2023...waiting on insurance.

This is a tough row to hoe.  There are bad days and better days but no good days for me.  

My kids are older but I have grandchildren that are teens...it is very sad and very tough on them so I empathize. (I'm not saying I know because everyone is different)

You are in my prayers. 

I suggest leaning on friends and family if possible.  Talking helps me as well as posting here.

You do you...the best you can...Your kids need you BUT don't be afraid to ask for help.  Don't be afraid to scream, cry, get angry...what ever you need.

Prayers 

I know we are old enough that we should have grand children at this age not a 15 and 12 year old but we waited enjoyed our marriage and life together for seven years before we decided on children

I do  scream, cry, get mad , meltdown, and do not apologize for it. Just want to be the strongest I can for my girls , so they will succeed and I am getting a little better becoming “mom” again, and figuring out how to single parent just sucks very difficult when they adored him 

I have wondered at times if they wish it were me instead of their dad not that they would want either one of us gone, but ….

[LBbone]

I am blessed to have a net work of family and friends to support me but when all is said and done they go  back to their lives it becomes unbearable for me anyway. My oldest is excited with new love boyfriends. I’m trying very hard to be happy for her and attentive to both my girls feelings and experiences right now. Just really tough.

How old are you? How old was your wife and how long were you married?

[LBbone]

27 minutes ago, Gator M said:

I'm 63.  Ann was 68.  It was both our second marriages.  We knew each other 24 years and married for 20.

We did almost everything together.  I was blessed.  I definitely married up...way up.

I’m still trying to figure out how to respond to this whole site posts what not but my husband and I were from completely different sides of the track his family resents me for him “marrying up“ and dealing with them now has made everything twice as hard because they are miserable people

Would you believe his sister, who arranged the whole burial thing to begin with, dug him up and moved him over 2 feet? We had him cremated and I agreed to bury half of him next to his mom and dad to appease his family. The other half is in my living room in a motorcycle tank earn actually pretty cool, but I tried to pay for the plot, whatever she dug him up but wants to tell me how awful of a mother I am and how disrespectful I have been to her brother, no encouragement or support there just judgment and criticism

[KayC]

1 hour ago, LBbone said:

I have wondered at times if they wish it were me instead of their dad not that they would want either one of us gone, but ….

I seriously doubt that thought has occurred to them, I hope you'll put that out of your mind.

37 minutes ago, LBbone said:

she dug him up but wants to tell me how awful of a mother I am and how disrespectful I have been to her brother

I am so sorry,,,she wants to talk about disrespectful yet she digs him up and moves him w/o your consent?!  Wow.

[LBbone]

6 hours ago, Gator M said:

I'm 63.  Ann was 68.  It was both our second marriages.  We knew each other 24 years and married for 20.

We did almost everything together.  I was blessed.  I definitely married up...way up.

I have teenagers but t still feel very alone all the time 

[Shinka]

7 hours ago, LBbone said:

Would you believe his sister, who arranged the whole burial thing to begin with, dug him up and moved him over 2 feet? 

Just when you think you heard it all...... Who needs enemies when there's family like that? So sorry it's this way LBbone

[I miss you so much]

On 5/1/2023 at 6:56 PM, Beetroot123 said:

I lost my life partner 3 months ago and struggling to find a reason to live in this world. I want to know if it gets any better. I feel so sad, lost, and depressed. He was my whole life.

Near 10 months for me now and it's worst.

Apart from the fact that I don't know if suicide could be punished in an hypothetical afterlife, the only reason I have found to continue is to try to find ways to honor him. And while you are alive, you can still keep him alive in your memories.

[Beetroot123]

On 5/1/2023 at 6:56 PM, Beetroot123 said:

I lost my life partner 3 months ago and struggling to find a reason to live in this world. I want to know if it gets any better. I feel so sad, lost, and depressed. He was my whole life.

 

[Beetroot123]

Thanks @I miss you so much, I am also doing the same. I thought about suicide for the first 3 months. Now I have accepted his loss and I’m trying to stay connected to him by doing the things that he loved to keep his spirit alive. It’s still very hard. I have good days and bad days. But taking one day at a time. His memory is what I hold onto now and forever. 

[DougH]

On 5/23/2023 at 1:01 PM, KayC said:

It's too soon in this for you to possibly know, it can take years...

Yes, 5 4. 2022 I lost mine.  Also lost all children through the years. After close to 13 months and dating and meeting people and being active I have to say I have never felt this down. I probably shouldn't be saying all this, it makes me a negative example for those starting the grief  process. I attended grief groups, sven helped lead one, but now it's  to a stage of just not wanting the next day. So sorry

[DougH]

1 hour ago, Gator M said:

Look into that afterlife...It may give you hope?  There is a lot on NDE.  

I believe your grief honors your love.  It's obvious. 

I lost faith but gained it back through a gal who lost her husband a month before me. She is a mormon and an angel,  definitely an angle. I keep myself busy doing everything for her which does not help our friendship a lot. But with her and going back to reading Bible i am at a place which is no longer desperate but hopeless.  This seems strange and everyone will say, your lucky you found her, please dont say anything that resembles a platitude. She bought me Juses Calling, an awesome book.. I am also going through post op cancel procedures . I had cancer 3 yrs ago and iys gone but radiation therapy made living a pure hell. I am handling the physical but the emotional and grief said makes living useless.  This is the first time I have said this since her death, I keep everything in. I am not asking for help other than maybe a way out!!!!!

[DougH]

10 minutes ago, Gator M said:

Doug:

God has helped me a lot but I still deal with the grief.   I doubt I'll ever be the way I was.

I find posting and talking really takes some of the anxiety away.

I'm not dealing with your health issues...that must be extreme.  I am dealing with my house but that's not even in the same league.

You're (we're) in my prayers.

 

Thank you for your comments. Very appreciated. Doug