Grief Group - helpful?

[KayC]

I am so sorry, all the more hard during Covid.  You've found a good group here, people who get it, we're like a family from all over.

Grief Process

This is not a one-size-fits-all, what strikes us one day will be different a few months/years from now, so please save/print this for reference!

I want to share an article I wrote of the things I've found helpful over the years, in the hopes something will be of help to you either now or on down the road.

TIPS TO MAKE YOUR WAY THROUGH GRIEF

There's no way to sum up how to go on in a simple easy answer, but I encourage you to read the other threads here, little by little you will learn how to make your way through this.  I do want to give you some pointers though, of some things I've learned on my journey.

• Take one day at a time.  The Bible says each day has enough trouble of its own, I've found that to be true, so don't bite off more than you can chew.  It can be challenging enough just to tackle today.  I tell myself, I only have to get through today.  Then I get up tomorrow and do it all over again.  To think about the "rest of my life" invites anxiety.
• Don't be afraid, grief may not end but it evolves.  The intensity lessens eventually.
• Visit your doctor.  Tell them about your loss, any troubles sleeping, suicidal thoughts, anxiety attacks.  They need to know these things in order to help you through it...this is all part of grief.
• Suicidal thoughts are common in early grief.  If they're reoccurring, call a suicide hotline.  I felt that way early on, but then realized it wasn't that I wanted to die so much as I didn't want to go through what I'd have to face if I lived.  Back to taking a day at a time.  Suicide Hotline - Call 1-800-273-8255 or www.crisis textline.org or US and Canada: text 741741 UK: text 85258 | Ireland: text 50808
• Give yourself permission to smile.  It is not our grief that binds us to them, but our love, and that continues still.
• Try not to isolate too much.  
• There's a balance to reach between taking time to process our grief, and avoiding it...it's good to find that balance for yourself.  We can't keep so busy as to avoid our grief, it has a way of haunting us, finding us, and demanding we pay attention to it!  Some people set aside time every day to grieve.  I didn't have to, it searched and found me!
• Self-care is extremely important, more so than ever.  That person that would have cared for you is gone, now you're it...learn to be your own best friend, your own advocate, practice self-care.  You'll need it more than ever.
• Recognize that your doctor isn't trained in grief, find a professional grief counselor that is.  We need help finding ourselves through this maze of grief, knowing where to start, etc.  They have not only the knowledge, but the resources.
• In time, consider a grief support group.  If your friends have not been through it themselves, they may not understand what you're going through, it helps to find someone somewhere who DOES "get it". 
• Be patient, give yourself time.  There's no hurry or timetable about cleaning out belongings, etc.  They can wait, you can take a year, ten years, or never deal with it.  It's okay, it's what YOU are comfortable with that matters.  
• Know that what we are comfortable with may change from time to time.  That first couple of years I put his pictures up, took them down, up, down, depending on whether it made me feel better or worse.  Finally, they were up to stay.
• Consider a pet.  Not everyone is a pet fan, but I've found that my dog helps immensely.  It's someone to love, someone to come home to, someone happy to see me, someone that gives me a purpose...I have to come home and feed him.  Besides, they're known to relieve stress.  Well maybe not in the puppy stage when they're chewing up everything, but there's older ones to adopt if you don't relish that stage.
• Make yourself get out now and then.  You may not feel interest in anything, things that interested you before seem to feel flat now.  That's normal.  Push yourself out of your comfort zone just a wee bit now and then.  Eating out alone, going to a movie alone or church alone, all of these things are hard to do at first.  You may feel you flunked at it, cried throughout, that's okay, you did it, you tried, and eventually you get a little better at it.  If I waited until I had someone to do things with I'd be stuck at home a lot.
• Keep coming here.  We've been through it and we're all going through this together.
• Look for joy in every day.  It will be hard to find at first, but in practicing this, it will change your focus so you can embrace what IS rather than merely focusing on what ISN'T.  It teaches you to live in the present and appreciate fully.  You have lost your big joy in life, and all other small joys may seem insignificant in comparison, but rather than compare what used to be to what is, learn the ability to appreciate each and every small thing that comes your way...a rainbow, a phone call from a friend, unexpected money, a stranger smiling at you, whatever the small joy, embrace it.  It's an art that takes practice and is life changing if you continue it.
• Eventually consider volunteering.  It helps us when we're outward focused, it's a win/win.

(((hugs)))  Praying for you today.

 

[RichS]

6 minutes ago, KayC said:

You've found a good group here, people who get it, we're like a family from all over.

Kay says it well. Here you'll find a great group of caring, sympathetic people who have and are still going through the grief that you feel. I encourage you to continue to post here. Venting, sharing you thoughts and feelings or whatever concerns you. We're here to listen and offer any advice, if we can. WELCOME TO OUR BOARD!!

[DWS]

20 hours ago, Bou said:

I have been told I need to see someone. I am told this when friends and family are sick of hearing it and don’t know how to help me.   Makes me not want to say anything.  It’s a double edge sword they want to be there for you yet they want you fixed quick because they don’t know what to say. 

I am so sorry for the sudden loss of your husband...just a year and half ago....and your agonizing experience of not only dealing with the loss but the oh-so-common dismissiveness/apathy/frustration of friends and family. The majority of us on this site can certainly relate. Your comment about not wanting to say anything brought tears to my eyes. It's so cruel and unfair how we eventually learn that we need to keep our grief inside because the "others" are sick of hearing it while they continue to live out their daily lives in the normal, non-grieving manner that we once knew!!

20 hours ago, Bou said:

I feel guilty for hoping that I will meet someone to share life with.  I am lonely. At the same time I don’t want to take on another persons baggage. 

I don't think there's any reason to feel guilty in wanting another companion in life. Maybe the better way to look at it is that your husband showed you how well two people can get along and work together...and now maybe you can show someone else that too. That's kind of how I'm starting to look at it. And as far as taking on someone else's baggage, well, they'd be taking on yours as well. I sometimes wonder just who on this earth would be able to handle me and my grief. Likely someone who fully understands the heaviness of carrying their own grief. 

[RichS]

12 minutes ago, DWS said:

It's so cruel and unfair how we eventually learn that we need to keep our grief inside because the "others" are sick of hearing it while they continue to live out their daily lives in the normal, non-grieving manner that we once knew!!

And they will continue to do that until unfortunately, they have a serious loss in their personal lives. I was never "sick of hearing" anyone's loss; but since my wife died almost a year ago, I've told many friends who have had losses that I now FEEL THEIR PAIN.

[KayC]

23 hours ago, DWS said:

I don't think there's any reason to feel guilty in wanting another companion in life. Maybe the better way to look at it is that your husband showed you how well two people can get along and work together...and now maybe you can show someone else that too.

Yet word of caution, get used to being alone first, find out who YOU are apart from being part of a couple, don't rush into anything, esp. with grief fog.  Don't make me tell you my horror story...

[ThereIsAField]

Are there any grief groups that meet online? I live very rurally and don't have access to grief groups within driving distance.

[widower2]

There isn't one associated with this site, but if you do an internet search, I would think there would be some around....sorry, I don't have any personal experience with them!

[Sheilz]

There is one that I attend that is virtual.  It's only for people that have lost a partner.  It's not exactly like others.  Each week they have a speaker about a topic that applies to us.  It's very informative at times.  After the speaker, you can ask questions also.  Here is the link to that one.

https://widowedvillage.org/meetings/

I have also found one through a hospice organization called Hope Health.  This one is virtual and they only accept 15 people in a group.  So it's an intimate setting that you really get to know the other people.  Plus this is only for people that have lost a partner.

https://www.hopehealthco.org/services/hospice-care/grief-support/find-a-grief-support-group/

Both of these are every week.  Hope this helps.

 

[KayC]

Thank you, Sheilz, you never know who you have helped by posting these!

[KayC]

@Sheilz  how are you doing?  Haven't seen much of you lately, maybe I just missed it...

[Sheilz]

On 10/4/2023 at 11:38 AM, KayC said:

how are you doing?  Haven't seen much of you lately, maybe I just missed it...

Thanks for reaching out & caring.  I'm more of a lurker now.  But honestly I'm not doing too great.  I have had such terrible luck the last few months that I honestly can't take much more.  My motivation is gone, my energy is gone.  In the last week I was sitting in the living room and heard a noise.  Well it was raining & the roof started leaking upstairs into the living room.  Just had the whole roof stripped & redone in 2019.  The roofer that did if came a few days later & told me it wasn't his fault & he's not even working because he torn his rotator cuff & let his guys go.  I'm having a problem getting a roofer over here because it is the end of their season & they are out straight.  And it's going to start raining tomorrow and not stop until Sunday.

Then I went out yesterday and came out of the center & someone side swiped my car & left.  I can't get in the drivers side of the car and it can't be fixed for 3 weeks.  And I'm stuck with the deductible.  Then I came home after the accident & my garage door is broken.  This is all within the last week.  I could go on & on & on but who wants to hear all this stuff.  I'm sure you wished you didn't ask.  Sorry.

I'm just so sad because I have no support & not use to being alone to do this stuff.  Life just sucks.

I just want Brian to give me a hug & tell me it's going to be ok.  I just miss him.  It's never going to be ok.

 

[widower2]

I'm sorry for all this "extra stuff" that's been piled on top of you, as if you didn't have enough to deal with. That roofer sounds like a total bum. A 4-yr old roof and he isn't going to cover it? It's a shame if he's injured or whatever but that doesn't excuse covering your roof. If you got anything from him in writing (contract, warranty etc) I'd check...typically roofs are guaranteed for a long time. For now, maybe you could buy one of those blue tarps and put it (or ask someone to put it) over the area it's leaking to minimize water coming in? The hit n run, wow that steams me. People. I'm sorry you don't have anyone around who can help and hope things take a turn up ASAP! 

[KayC]

I've been there, I am so sorry you are going through so much. I paid for five roofs in five years... I only have three. And I had two hit and runs on a car I am still paying for, got stuck with them as it was right before my surgery

 Praying for you...

[KayC]

Last night my daughter called, I've never heard her sound like this in her entire life!  She sounds like stroke material.  She has so much going on, switching cellphones and the new one has a ten year old contact list, no idea how that happened.  Her brakes went out and she'd left her debit card in a machine so she had to wait for the bank to release it's hold on it even though she retrievef it.  The worst is some roofers took the roof off her apt. and it POURED rain, she's on the top floor.  Water in her walls, everywhere.  They said they may make them move temporarily, she has young kittens and expensive plants...there's no  motels with vacancies in town so even though the apt would pay to move her stuff to storage, it's a nightmare, and they won't tell her if/when!  She had to drive to her brother's (two hours from her) with bad pads and rotors...my heart is going out to her.  And she was worried about my birthday!  I told her not to worry, to save it for sometime when things calm down, the important thing is getting through these crisis.

Sheilz, it will get better, I promise you.  💖

[Missing Vin]

On 10/5/2023 at 4:33 PM, Sheilz said:

Then I went out yesterday and came out of the center & someone side swiped my car & left. 

I'm sorry to hear things are piling up.  I can relate because someone new moved into my apartment complex and crashed into my car two days after my husband passed away with the moving truck.  My initial thought was "I must be a terrible person if all of these bad things are happening, and what's next?".  I also wish I could hug my husband because it always made me feel safe.  Now I'm here without my protector and I'm living with this horrible vulnerable feeling that really sucks.  I'm a strong woman, and I really hate feeling this way.  Crying isn't something I do often, so this horrible situation is even more uncomfortable due to the crying that happens more than I would like to admit.  I know it's part of the process, but hearing that doesn't make it any less upsetting.  Sometimes I just want to scream because it makes me so sad and pissed off at the same time.  Please remember you are not alone, even though this situation definitely can make us feel incredibly isolated, everyone here really does care.  I care.

[Sheilz]

2 hours ago, Missing Vin said:

Now I'm here without my protector and I'm living with this horrible vulnerable feeling that really sucks. 

That's exactly how I feel.  I feel so vulnerable & alone.  Today I figured it was time to test out my heat because it's getting cold on the east coast.  I turned it on & it wouldn't come on.  I had to call the furnace guy & he walked me through it.  I feel pathetic.  I hate this life

I'm still waiting for things to get easier.... but it hasn't happened yet.

 

[KayC]

Oh Hon, I feel for you!  I had to change my heat source after George died as oil went up and the guy that services it is two hours from here and if there was an issue he'd tAKE a month coming, so couldn't rely on it.  I had my furnace serviced and the heat no longer worked so I went back to good old dependable firewood and got a new wood stove that's clean/efficient.  You could say I've been through the ringer over the years but I keep taking one day at a time and one decision at a time...

[AJ4]

I have found a new grief group that so far is really good for me.  I have just been to one meeting so far and the people were really nice and we had some very good sharing. I have another one on Sunday.   

[KayC]

On 10/26/2023 at 6:02 AM, AJ4 said:

the people were really nice and we had some very good sharing. I have another one on Sunday.   

I am so glad to hear it!  Hoping it goes just as well on Sunday,, no reason it wouldn't!

[OldSweetie]

I'm 25 days in and I find I need something every day. I need to talk to people, or run errands. I do not do good when I'm home alone and running into my old darling everywhere I look. Where I live, the only grief groups I have been able to find take place at churches, which is a big red flag for me because I am not a believer and don't want to hear about God's plan. I'm on another grief support online that has zoom meetings once a week, but that also is not enough. I don't know where to go from here.  And like someone else on this thread said, I also have very little hope for the future, or even care at this point. I'm just sort of existing at this point. 

 

[KayC]

I held mine at a church because it was free but we didn't talk about God or religion as it was a GRIEF group.  Some believe, some do not, much like here.

[widower2]

Exactly. I went to one at a church too and it wasn't at all religious. Just because it's held at a church doesn't mean someone is going to "preach" to you. 

[AJ4]

I did try one that was held at church and it was very preachy.  When they start implying that my husband is in hell because he was an atheist, guess what?  NOT HELPFUL.   I don't believe in that.  I'm very happy with my new group though.  We have coffee, we talk about whatever thoughts come up.   

[KayC]

Sometimes I wish we had a "wow" emoticon!  Honestly, they can't make that determination, only God can (in the Christian faith) and He has a much bigger heart than they do.  I'm so sorry it didn't go well, but you tried.  I'm glad it's going better at your new group!

[RichS]

I was attending a monthly grieving group for 9 months at a local church. Nice people and everything, but I noticed over the months it became less of a grieving group and more of a social group. Some of the people had lost their spouses a lot longer ago than I did and maybe were ready to move more forward with their lives than I was. Since they all were there before me, who was I to try to change their format? Leaving as friends was better for me and for them.

[KayC]

That's when you need a good facilitator.  I kept my groups on track, there's a fine knack to it.  You don't want to force anyone to talk, you want to have materials and cover something, but also listen and take time for them to be heard as well.  We'd often go out for lunch afterwards for the socializing.

[Alisond]

On 4/21/2023 at 6:34 PM, foreverhis said:

Absolutely spot on!  I tried a support group for my specific auto-immune conditions and disliked it immensely.  It wasn't just that some members only wanted to sit and vent about how bad everything was for them, not that that isn't a good thing to do at times, but the negative energy depressed me at a time when my then new to me situational depression was not well controlled.  I certainly didn't want some sort of "cheerleader" situation, but I had hoped for some helpful back-and-forth discussion.

I never even tried the spouse loss support groups where we live now.   One is through a hospice organization and the other is through the local cancer foundation, which had been simply fantastic throughout John's journey.  I’m sure they are excellent groups, but I felt like it would be too much pressure, even though I would likely be the one pressuring myself, to talk, cry, and rant to strangers.  The very thought of it exhausted and upset me even more than I already was. 

For 6 months, I didn't have anyone to talk to who could completely understand.  I had and still have wonderful small circles of friends and family who have been with me every step of the way, but until last August*, none of them could fully "get it" and I didn't want them to for a very long time.  (*My newer friend who lost her husband suddenly.)  I was really angry one night in December 2018 because I was sick of people I/we didn't know well trying to compare some other loss to my losing John.  Even though I knew their intentions were to try to connect or show sympathy, I was just fed up.  So I got online and ended up here.  In less than a day, I had been welcomed, given some good advice, and felt like this community was the right fit for me.  Personal, but on my terms, so I could talk (well, write) or just read and be here when I felt up to it.  This forum and the members here are the grief support group that works for me and that has been a true grace in my life.

I agree.

[Bou]

On 7/21/2023 at 10:46 AM, KayC said:

Yet word of caution, get used to being alone first, find out who YOU are apart from being part of a couple, don't rush into anything, esp. with grief fog.  Don't make me tell you my horror story...

Oh I am not.  I lost my mind for a whole hot second.  Many intervals of those seconds. I still do.  Just so lonely. I was lonely from the get go.  We did Everything together.  He was my best friend..... and all the things.  You are so right I don't know who I am.  At this age I don't even know how to find out who I am.  I was married for years.  I go in and out of all the stages of grief.  My daughter lives with me and I feel so guilty that I am wrapped up in my own grief  and she is grieving too.  I keep busy that is how I cope.  I keep busy and then I don't have time to think about it hard.  Its always there but I just keep busy.  We did everything together so everything I do, everywhere I go its in my face all the time.  I have stopped crying...... every day.  The feelings are still there.  It was so quick, never did I think him going into the hospital ( the place you are supposed to get better) he would never come out and I would never see him until he was gone  ( totally messed up) On his last breaths everyone was allowed to go in...... totally messed up. I was in shock.  Pure shock.       I keep busy.        I would love to hear your horror story.... I think maybe I would.    I don't know any of you out there but I sure do wish peace/comfort  for you all.    B

[Bou]

On 10/23/2023 at 6:12 PM, Sheilz said:

That's exactly how I feel.  I feel so vulnerable & alone.  Today I figured it was time to test out my heat because it's getting cold on the east coast.  I turned it on & it wouldn't come on.  I had to call the furnace guy & he walked me through it.  I feel pathetic.  I hate this life

I'm still waiting for things to get easier.... but it hasn't happened yet.

 

 

On 10/23/2023 at 6:12 PM, Sheilz said:

Now I'm here without my protector and I'm living with this horrible vulnerable feeling that really sucks. 

This hit hard.......... feeling vulnerable with out my protector.  Also feeling pathetic for not knowing all the things he took care of.    Asking for help from family and friends sucks too.  At first everyone was like anything I can do..... I will be there for you..... we got you...   on and on.    Yea right they all have their own lives to live and most don't want to be burdened or help when I need it.     Truthfully they do have their own lives and I hate having to ask for help and bother others with my problems.  B

[foreverhis]

On 11/20/2023 at 11:05 AM, Bou said:

I hate having to ask for help and bother others with my problems.

You're not alone--and I actually do have people happy to help me.  My dad taught me to be as self-sufficient as possible.  By the time I was 18, I knew how to do basic car maintenance.  I could set and start a fire.  I could cook okay and knew how to do laundry.  I had helped around the house and yard since I was little.  Maybe that's part of why I value my independence now.  Also, like you, I don't want to feel that I'm a burden.  Some acquaintances who gave the spiel of "Call me if you need help..." or "Let me know what I can do" simply disappeared.  A couple of them I booted on my own because they decided that pretending John had never existed was the best way to be around me. I'd rather have  small circle of family and friends I can truly count on.

Asking for help doesn't come easily to me.  My husband John was always there to help me, though more often we did things together.  When I lost him, there were a number of small and moderate home maintenance and repair tasks that we hadn't been able to finish.  I sucked it up and started asking for a little help.  The thing that struck me most about the men in my life, both family and friends, is that helping or even taking over tasks seemed to be the way they started working through their own grief.  As if in helping me they were honoring John and that lifted them up.  I thanked one friend for "lending me" her husband for tasks he volunteered to handle.  She told me that he needed to do it and that he felt better when he came home (across the street).

And yet still to this day, I try to do things on my own, sometimes to my detriment, even though I know there truly are people I can rely.  I was talking to a dear friend about this recently.  She pointed out that I have always been happy to help with things if I can.  John had been the same way.  She understands completely because she has trouble asking for help too.  We pondered over that a bit.  It's a strange thing to be happy to give help, yet have trouble asking and receiving.

[KayC]

Not asking for help is what landed me in this concussion position.

[JonathanFive]

I like the "in person" greif support group I went to.   Maybe it was spiritual/somewhat religous, but I tried some other online forums, and its like, "too many people, a lot of them toxic."   

At least in person, you have a barrier to entry.  A person has to show up, and if they show up there, they are looking to work.   I need to work through this, in a positive way, or frankly, there is no point to be here.  

I found the Widower SubReddit - it's terrible.   A bunch of people, suffering posting about suffering.   I find that, "completely unhelpful."  

I realize we are all hurting, tell me how you began to heal, what made life worth living again, and if you lost your true soulmate - as I did, tell me how you let go of all your anger at them for leaving, how you stoped your denial ie "I can't believe you're gone," what turned off your bargaining, what helped overcome your sadness and depression, and lastly - how did you reach acceptence.

I want to hear experience with grief, that people worked through, and since my love died just two weeks ago, and it is the holidays, I have only been to 1, "in person," meeting, but I can tell you: A. I plan on going back for the next one taking place in Febuary, and B. for me, it will be far more helpful than reddit, and possibly other online forums.

YMMV

[KayC]

25 minutes ago, JonathanFive said:

tell me how you let go of all your anger at them for leaving

IDK, it took maybe a year?  I didn't always feel anger but off and on, I think it's just something we work through.  Consciously I knew he didn't choose to leave me but these things need make no sense, they just are.

And I wish you well with your in person group!

[widower2]

Yes there's definitely something to be said for talking to someone in person vs online. Both have their pros and cons, as do talking with groups vs a single person. I hope your group works well for you in this dark time....

[JonathanFive]

My "in person" group doesn't start up again until febuary.   The Widower Subreddit is horrible!!   I'll be here with y'all a lot through the holidays, through January, and for the foreseable future

[foreverhis]

19 hours ago, widower2 said:

Yes there's definitely something to be said for talking to someone in person vs online. Both have their pros and cons, as do talking with groups vs a single person. I hope your group works well for you in this dark time....

Last week, I was talking to a friend about grief because she recently lost her brother and the aftermath with family and legal stuff was so stressful. She’s worried about her SIL and knows I have my friends and fellow grievers here.

She said, “Tell me the two most important things for you having an online grief support group.” I didn’t hesitate for a second.

One, I am not that comfortable with in person support groups as I tend to withdraw.  There aren’t many locally and the two I tried for my medical conditions were full of people who only wanted to cry and complain. There is nothing wrong with that, nothing at all, but I do that at home, privately or with a select few like my sisters. Here I can talk or just read and think about things as much or as little as works for me. No pressure, no one looking at me expectantly, and honestly, no worry about small town “gossip.”  

Added to those benefits, my auto-immune issues affect my ability to easily express myself.  That’s upsetting and embarrassing, especially for someone whose life and career have been centered on good communication skills.  Writing is much better because I can read it and make sure what I say is what I mean.  As in, “Yikes! That sounds terrible.” (Delete-delete-delete)

 Two, I know that every member here understands in ways others cannot. We respect that we’re each on our own unique journey, but walking the same painful road together.  The in person groups had too many members who liked telling others, newbies in particular, what they should or shouldn’t do. I realize not all groups are like that, but this is a fairly rural area without many options.

 I am certain there are good in person support groups out there, but they’re just not for me. I am always glad to hear when a member here has found a good fit.

[DotPark]

How do I find an online, preferably local, support group? I immunodeficient, I don't "do" groups. I don't even see people I KNOW. 

[JonathanFive]

31 minutes ago, DotPark said:

How do I find an online, preferably local, support group? I immunodeficient, I don't "do" groups. I don't even see people I KNOW. 

I found this website on this forum https://widowedvillage.org/ and the is also https://www.griefshare.org/

[DotPark]

THANKS!!!

[JonathanFive]

13 minutes ago, foreverhis said:

There aren’t many locally and the two I tried for my medical conditions were full of people who only wanted to cry and complain. There is nothing wrong with that, nothing at all, but I do that at home, privately or with a select few like my sisters.

I can totally understand, how in a super small town, a person can easily become, "the greiving widow," and all of a sudden an outcast.   - I also, am not big on, "cry and complain."

My partner, my love, my sweetheart does not want me to experience a lifetime of sadness on his death.   There's no way.   I love him, I will always love him, but crying and complaining is not going to protect, save, and longterm hold for the remainder of my life the  love I have for him.  

That being said - I find a lot of crying and complaining online as well.  I definitely think it, "depends on the group, depenends on the website, and doesn't neccessarily depend on whether it is, "online, or in person."   

But then again, I can totally empathize with the, "rural small town," statement.  Indeed, that's difficult.  In that respect, certainly a good place, "online," would be better than any toxic place, "offline."

[DotPark]

22 minutes ago, foreverhis said:

There aren’t many locally and the two I tried for my medical conditions were full of people who only wanted to cry and complain.

Excellent point and something I'll have to consider. What I have is pretty serious but I am doing well...I don't need to get grief from someone with a similar diagnosis who ISN'T.

[widower2]

34 minutes ago, foreverhis said:

The in person groups had too many members who liked telling others, newbies in particular, what they should or shouldn’t do. I realize not all groups are like that, but this is a fairly rural area without many options.

ugh, how terrible. You'd think they would know better. I went to one or two groups and there was nothing like that, but I just wasn't comfortable in the group setting either. I was lucky to find a good grief counselor though who was good, I had a lot to unload and she let me. 

[RichS]

I went to one for about 8 or 9 months. They only met once a month. Nice people..................but what I came to realize was that many of them were advanced ahead of me in terms of moving forward with your life. Some of them lost their spouses years ago.  I made a couple of comments in our meetings. One member glossed over (in a friendly way) about my feelings of moving forward, another said that she didn't like that I used the word "flatlined." Soooooo............I used another phrase to describe it and she said that was better. After that I took some old advice: Better to leave as friends than to stay and eventually become enemies.

[KayC]

Hmm...when I led one we met locally, also a rural town.  No complaints, it went well the few years I did it, stopped when Covid hit (met weekly).