Mom, I Miss You

[JasonA30]

I don't even know how to put this into words. I lost my mom at the end of November she was only 61 and my life feels so empty. Some days I just sit here and cry, I thought the pain would ease up, but as each day goes by I find myself missing her more and more and the pain just feels like it increases. She was my life, my best friend, the person I turned to the most. I love and have my dad, my sister, niece, aunts, uncles, and so on, but I miss mom so freaking much.  

I knew when her time came it would be very difficult on me with how close we were, I didn't know it would be THIS difficult. I didn't know one could feel as much emotional pain as I've been feeling for the last 3 and a half months. I guess it's one of those things you don't know how it will feel until it happens to you situations. I just feel so broken and lost.

[Lost now]

Hi Jason,

I am so sorry for your loss. I can understand and relate to you. I lost my mom suddenly and unexpectedly over a month ago. She was only 58 and had no illness. So her passing away has shocked me to the core and destroyed me. My mom is my everything. Living each day without her is so difficult. I won't say time heals because it is not doing it for me and you are also struggling after three months. I think we are going to struggle for the rest of our lives. Since morning I've been feeling guilty for living my life when she is gone. Everyday I have some thoughts and today it's the guilt of living when that chance was robbed off from her.

I don't know how to keep going. The only thing that helps me is that I know we all are going to die so this pain will end someday when we die. I also believe in afterlife and I know my mom is around me. I still want to see her and hug her but I can't and it's killing me. I will happily welcome my death .

I am sorry other than understanding your pain and sharing my experience I can't help you. I am in a broken state and I will always be.

[JasonA30]

Hi, Lost and thank you <3 I have read and replied to one of your posts and I am so sorry for your loss and sorry to hear you're going through the same exact thing as I am, and struggling hard as well, it is the toughest thing to go through. My mom was sick for awhile, but I was definitely in denial that the end was near, she was only 61. The first month after her passing I thought I was okay, but I wasn't, I just bottled up all my emotions, then in January the bottle shattered and ever since I've been very depressed, broken, angry. 

This morning I cried while I wrote the post and continued to cry after, I am just so broken and don't feel I'll ever be fixed or get back to my what my life was when mom was still here. My mom was my entire world too, she was my best friend. I struggled with mild to high anxiety throughout my life, and my mom was who I always turned to, she was the one who got me through all the tough times in life and now I don't have her here with me during easily the hardest time in my life.

I also believe in an afterlife,  I've been trying to comfort myself knowing my mom is living it up with my other passed on relatives somewhere, but very much the same as you I just want to hug her, hear her voice, and see her again.

I wish I could better help you too and it's perfectly okay I completely understand, but you helped me just knowing I am not alone. Thank you for your reply it means a lot and I am sorry again you're going through this too.

 

[Lost now]

5 hours ago, JasonA30 said:

Hi, Lost and thank you <3 I have read and replied to one of your posts and I am so sorry for your loss and sorry to hear you're going through the same exact thing as I am, and struggling hard as well, it is the toughest thing to go through. My mom was sick for awhile, but I was definitely in denial that the end was near, she was only 61. The first month after her passing I thought I was okay, but I wasn't, I just bottled up all my emotions, then in January the bottle shattered and ever since I've been very depressed, broken, angry. 

This morning I cried while I wrote the post and continued to cry after, I am just so broken and don't feel I'll ever be fixed or get back to my what my life was when mom was still here. My mom was my entire world too, she was my best friend. I struggled with mild to high anxiety throughout my life, and my mom was who I always turned to, she was the one who got me through all the tough times in life and now I don't have her here with me during easily the hardest time in my life.

I also believe in an afterlife,  I've been trying to comfort myself knowing my mom is living it up with my other passed on relatives somewhere, but very much the same as you I just want to hug her, hear her voice, and see her again.

I wish I could better help you too and it's perfectly okay I completely understand, but you helped me just knowing I am not alone. Thank you for your reply it means a lot and I am sorry again you're going through this too.

 

I think our stories are very similar. I have always had anxiety and depression and my mom was the only one who helped me, made me feel better and also made me confident. I don't know who will help me now. She was planning to visit me and was so excited. I don't know how to be ok now. I just want to live a miserable life. I don't think I can survive like this. She didn't deserve this. She was so excited for my future. She took care of everyone in the family. Even the bad ones. And they all are alive and she is gone before them. I am very negative these days. I don't like when I see other people laughing. It feels like it's only some of us suffering but everyone else is happy. Talking to you here has helped me today. Let's share how we feel and what we are doing everyday. Maybe we will find some strength together. 

Hugs.

Ishita

[ADM925]

17 hours ago, JasonA30 said:

as each day goes by I find myself missing her more and more and the pain just feels like it increases. She was my life, my best friend, the person I turned to the most.

 

10 hours ago, Lost now said:

My mom is my everything. Living each day without her is so difficult. I won't say time heals because it is not doing it for me

I haven't known a moment's peace in 8 months and know I never will again in this world because the longer the separation goes on, the greater the shock, disbelief, panic, and heartbreak.  People I know treat it more like a 'bump in the road' than the massive trauma and  permanent upheaval it really is.  We were very happy just the two of us and cared for and protected each other.  Now it is like being stranded alone in a hostile alien world with end of life the only escape. 

7 hours ago, JasonA30 said:

I struggled with mild to high anxiety throughout my life, and my mom was who I always turned to, she was the one who got me through all the tough times in life and now I don't have her here with me during easily the hardest time in my life.

I've had extreme separation anxiety and hypersensitivity since kindergarten.  When someone or something lashed out at me Mom was my refuge.  Now there is no shelter or refuge and I go deeper into Hell, such as yesterday when someone lashed out at me and I ended up hyperventilating on the bathroom floor.  Being home alone is no escape at all as I stayed in bed for 12 hours with repeating waves of despair and felt like I was dying.  Only Mom could stop this level of anguish.

10 hours ago, Lost now said:

I also believe in afterlife and I know my mom is around me. I still want to see her and hug her but I can't and it's killing me. I will happily welcome my death .

The hope to be with Mom and Dad again is all I have, but I still can't bear the separation.  My mind is desperate and unhinged.  Every night I say "Tonight the angels come with Mom and we go home together".  I'll dream of happy times, of our old homes and pets, wonder why she hasn't yet come into the room to check on me, then wake up and get hit with the sickening reality that she's not here and it's another day alone in hell in the empty house / empty world with the walls closing in.  This is an unending torture and torment; it feels like I can't take even one more day of it.    

[JasonA30]

7 hours ago, Lost now said:

I think our stories are very similar. I have always had anxiety and depression and my mom was the only one who helped me, made me feel better and also made me confident. I don't know who will help me now. She was planning to visit me and was so excited. I don't know how to be ok now. I just want to live a miserable life. I don't think I can survive like this. She didn't deserve this. She was so excited for my future. She took care of everyone in the family. Even the bad ones. And they all are alive and she is gone before them. I am very negative these days. I don't like when I see other people laughing. It feels like it's only some of us suffering but everyone else is happy. Talking to you here has helped me today. Let's share how we feel and what we are doing everyday. Maybe we will find some strength together. 

Hugs.

Ishita

We do seem to have very similar stories, when I first read your post before making my own it was like I was reading exactly what I was feeling and going through and you made me feel not alone for the first time. I am sorry to hear your mom didn't make the visit to you she was planning that breaks my heart. It seems our moms played very similar roles in our lives, my mom always knew how to make me feel better, always knew how to comfort me in my time of need. My mom also was the driving force in my family, she made sure everyone was taken care of, she planned the events, she hosted holidays.  I don't know what to do without her. When I see people with their mom's I do get jealous because I just want that too and then I get really depressed knowing I'll never get to. I don't think I've really smiled or laughed in 3 months.

I am glad I could help you even if it's just a little, you certainly helped me feel not alone. Today I have work, been so hard to work, I've taken off so many days these last few months some days I am just so depressed I can't begin to work. Let me know how you're feeling Ishita. I think I'll be around here for awhile, hugs to you.

 

6 hours ago, ADM925 said:

 

I haven't known a moment's peace in 8 months and know I never will again in this world because the longer the separation goes on, the greater the shock, disbelief, panic, and heartbreak.  People I know treat it more like a 'bump in the road' than the massive trauma and  permanent upheaval it really is.  We were very happy just the two of us and cared for and protected each other.  Now it is like being stranded alone in a hostile alien world with end of life the only escape. 

I've had extreme separation anxiety and hypersensitivity since kindergarten.  When someone or something lashed out at me Mom was my refuge.  Now there is no shelter or refuge and I go deeper into Hell, such as yesterday when someone lashed out at me and I ended up hyperventilating on the bathroom floor.  Being home alone is no escape at all as I stayed in bed for 12 hours with repeating waves of despair and felt like I was dying.  Only Mom could stop this level of anguish.

ADM I am so sorry to hear you're going through this too, it's so damn difficult. I completely understand, a lot of my family seems to be okay and moved on or at least coping very well like it was just a bump in the road as you put it, but for me it feels like I fell into a massive crater and I don't know if I'll ever crawl out of it. Sorry to hear someone lashed out at you and made you feel terrible, some people can be very rude and they don't realize or care about the affect they have on another human. I have a dog, and she's great, but other than her I live alone so I can relate to you on that and it's really bad for my depression and anxiety. My dog is what gets me out of bed these days. I work from home so even when I am working I am here alone and I know being alone is really destroying my mental health.

 

[Lost now]

5 hours ago, JasonA30 said:

We do seem to have very similar stories, when I first read your post before making my own it was like I was reading exactly what I was feeling and going through and you made me feel not alone for the first time. I am sorry to hear your mom didn't make the visit to you she was planning that breaks my heart. It seems our moms played very similar roles in our lives, my mom always knew how to make me feel better, always knew how to comfort me in my time of need. My mom also was the driving force in my family, she made sure everyone was taken care of, she planned the events, she hosted holidays.  I don't know what to do without her. When I see people with their mom's I do get jealous because I just want that too and then I get really depressed knowing I'll never get to. I don't think I've really smiled or laughed in 3 months.

I am glad I could help you even if it's just a little, you certainly helped me feel not alone. Today I have work, been so hard to work, I've taken off so many days these last few months some days I am just so depressed I can't begin to work. Let me know how you're feeling Ishita. I think I'll be around here for awhile, hugs to you.

 

 

Hi Jason,

Our moms were our everything so our pain is huge and it will never go away. I hate when people say time will heal everything. How can time heal this pain. The whole reason of our existence was our mom. They were taken from us so early in our lives. We can't harm ourselves but I don't even know what's the meaning of this life anymore. But I keep telling myself that she made me, I am her DNA so I can't remove that from the world. She had dreams for me. I should fulfill those. But its so so so difficult. 

I can understand why you took so many days off. How can we function in this state?  I hope your boss is understanding.

I have resumed work. Mine is remote work so I don't have to go anywhere but my productivity is so low now. I hate when people laugh in the meetings. 

I went for a walk last weekend and now that people think the pandemic is over, everyone was out having fun. I got a panic attack and had to return home.

I don't think I can be around people. 

Do you go out for walks? My therapist said I should but I'm too scared to step outside.

I will be here too. Let's stay in touch. Take care!

[JasonA30]

29 minutes ago, Lost now said:

Hi Jason,

Our moms were our everything so our pain is huge and it will never go away. I hate when people say time will heal everything. How can time heal this pain. The whole reason of our existence was our mom. They were taken from us so early in our lives. We can't harm ourselves but I don't even know what's the meaning of this life anymore. But I keep telling myself that she made me, I am her DNA so I can't remove that from the world. She had dreams for me. I should fulfill those. But its so so so difficult. 

I can understand why you took so many days off. How can we function in this state?  I hope your boss is understanding.

I have resumed work. Mine is remote work so I don't have to go anywhere but my productivity is so low now. I hate when people laugh in the meetings. 

I went for a walk last weekend and now that people think the pandemic is over, everyone was out having fun. I got a panic attack and had to return home.

I don't think I can be around people. 

Do you go out for walks? My therapist said I should but I'm too scared to step outside.

I will be here too. Let's stay in touch. Take care!

Hi Ishita

Nice to hear from you again. Yeah I don't know, it doesn't feel like time is healing me at all right now either. Like I said previously each day my mom is not here just makes me miss her more. My mom passed 27th of November, that makes it 108 days since my mom passed, that's easily the longest I've gone in my life without seeing her or hearing from her. You're right we can't hurt ourselves and I've never once thought about it, but I am with you I just don't know what life is or how to carry on. That is a good way to look at that we are our mom's DNA and maybe we can try to use that as motivation to carry our mom's spirit and legacies with us. It is just very hard. 

My boss has been very understanding, she lost her son when he was 7 so she knows what it is like to lose someone very close to her, but I feel like I can't keep taking off work so some days I force myself to get up and try to be productive like today I really have no motivation to work but I am pushing through. My work is done from home too, I think some of that is the problem too being here all alone no one to talk to during the day just me and my depressed thoughts. 

I am sorry to hear your work production is low and people are laughing, they just don't understand how hard it is, but eventually they will when they lose someone very close to them like we have.

Yes, I do try to go for walks. I have a dog so she kind of forces me to get out of the house, I've had panic attacks while walking too I sympathize with you. It sucks, it sucks seeing others enjoying themselves. I don't wish others to feel the way I do, I wish I could be like them and not have anxiety and panic attacks, wish my mom was here I'd be doing infinitely better if she were.

That's good you have a therapist, have they helped at all? A bunch of people keep telling me I need to seek counseling and I think they're right. I know deep down my mom wouldn't want me to live the rest of my life sad and depressed like this. It's just very hard, too fresh, too painful at this time.

Take care, if I don't hear back from you today I hope you sleep well tonight. My sleeping has been up and down, some nights I sleep well, other nights I struggle to get to sleep.

 

[Lost now]

12 hours ago, JasonA30 said:

Hi Ishita

Nice to hear from you again. Yeah I don't know, it doesn't feel like time is healing me at all right now either. Like I said previously each day my mom is not here just makes me miss her more. My mom passed 27th of November, that makes it 108 days since my mom passed, that's easily the longest I've gone in my life without seeing her or hearing from her. You're right we can't hurt ourselves and I've never once thought about it, but I am with you I just don't know what life is or how to carry on. That is a good way to look at that we are our mom's DNA and maybe we can try to use that as motivation to carry our mom's spirit and legacies with us. It is just very hard. 

My boss has been very understanding, she lost her son when he was 7 so she knows what it is like to lose someone very close to her, but I feel like I can't keep taking off work so some days I force myself to get up and try to be productive like today I really have no motivation to work but I am pushing through. My work is done from home too, I think some of that is the problem too being here all alone no one to talk to during the day just me and my depressed thoughts. 

I am sorry to hear your work production is low and people are laughing, they just don't understand how hard it is, but eventually they will when they lose someone very close to them like we have.

Yes, I do try to go for walks. I have a dog so she kind of forces me to get out of the house, I've had panic attacks while walking too I sympathize with you. It sucks, it sucks seeing others enjoying themselves. I don't wish others to feel the way I do, I wish I could be like them and not have anxiety and panic attacks, wish my mom was here I'd be doing infinitely better if she were.

That's good you have a therapist, have they helped at all? A bunch of people keep telling me I need to seek counseling and I think they're right. I know deep down my mom wouldn't want me to live the rest of my life sad and depressed like this. It's just very hard, too fresh, too painful at this time.

Take care, if I don't hear back from you today I hope you sleep well tonight. My sleeping has been up and down, some nights I sleep well, other nights I struggle to get to sleep.

 

Hi Jason,

I live in the US so we are on different time zones. I am glad your boss is understanding. But I understand people eventually expect you to give your 100%. Please try to take days off whenever you can. I will do the same.

My day was ok. I had some meetings at work. Fortunately just audio and no video. 

Work is the most difficult activity I have to do everyday. I just want to sit and think about mom or sleep. 

I don't enjoy eating anymore. I eat to survive. I don't have much appetite these days. Has your appetite changed too?

Dogs are the best! I have two small dogs too. They do make me feel a little better. I don't know what I would have done without them. Its good to know you go out with your dog for walks. 

Counseling has been working for me so far. I found a nice grief/bereavement counselor and she is nice. I feel so light after talking to her. She understands everything. I will definitely recommend you to try it. You will feel better after talking to them. Find a one with good reviews because finding a good therapist is a challenge and very important.

Looking forward to hear from you. Hugs to you.

-Ishita

[JasonA30]

4 hours ago, Lost now said:

Hi Jason,

I live in the US so we are on different time zones. I am glad your boss is understanding. But I understand people eventually expect you to give your 100%. Please try to take days off whenever you can. I will do the same.

My day was ok. I had some meetings at work. Fortunately just audio and no video. 

Work is the most difficult activity I have to do everyday. I just want to sit and think about mom or sleep. 

I don't enjoy eating anymore. I eat to survive. I don't have much appetite these days. Has your appetite changed too?

Dogs are the best! I have two small dogs too. They do make me feel a little better. I don't know what I would have done without them. Its good to know you go out with your dog for walks. 

Counseling has been working for me so far. I found a nice grief/bereavement counselor and she is nice. I feel so light after talking to her. She understands everything. I will definitely recommend you to try it. You will feel better after talking to them. Find a one with good reviews because finding a good therapist is a challenge and very important.

Looking forward to hear from you. Hugs to you.

-Ishita

Hi Ishita

I live in the US too, I live in the eastern time zone. My boss has been pretty good about it fortunately, I took off two days in a row a couple weeks ago and she called me and we talked for a good 30 minutes, she told me that it's okay she knows I am going through a really rough time. Sounds like a plan I will definitely take days off if I need it and definitely you as well, we all deserve mental breaks. 

I am glad your day was ok that's good to hear it wasn't totally bad, I like the audio meetings better too. My day was overall good work was a bit of a struggle like always, but it was sunny and warm here, I like to think sunny days are mom visiting trying to tell me it's going to be ok. Do you get feelings like that, that your mom is visiting you? 

Work is really hard for me too most days, as I am working I just think about and miss mom all day. I look forward to the work day being over and going to bed.

Eating is hit or miss, some days I eat like I did before mom passed, other days I don't feel like eating, I've heard that's common with depression.

Oh nice, dogs are so good for us I am glad yours makes you feel better too. I have I would say a medium sized dog, and same I don't know what I'd without her. She forces me to get up each day to feed her, to let her out, when I cry she lays with me, gets me out and walking even if it's just for 5 to 10 minutes.

I am happy to hear counseling is working for you, that's so good you found a good counselor for you. That's the hard part finding one that clicks with you and understands. I'll have to start researching therapists around me and try to find one of the good ones. I did go to counseling in my teens for my anxiety but I didn't really care for the guy, didn't feel he helped me so I've been a bit hesitant.

I hope you have a good day Ishita, hugs to you and I will check in later.  

 

[Lost now]

5 hours ago, JasonA30 said:

Hi Ishita

I live in the US too, I live in the eastern time zone. My boss has been pretty good about it fortunately, I took off two days in a row a couple weeks ago and she called me and we talked for a good 30 minutes, she told me that it's okay she knows I am going through a really rough time. Sounds like a plan I will definitely take days off if I need it and definitely you as well, we all deserve mental breaks. 

I am glad your day was ok that's good to hear it wasn't totally bad, I like the audio meetings better too. My day was overall good work was a bit of a struggle like always, but it was sunny and warm here, I like to think sunny days are mom visiting trying to tell me it's going to be ok. Do you get feelings like that, that your mom is visiting you? 

Work is really hard for me too most days, as I am working I just think about and miss mom all day. I look forward to the work day being over and going to bed.

Eating is hit or miss, some days I eat like I did before mom passed, other days I don't feel like eating, I've heard that's common with depression.

Oh nice, dogs are so good for us I am glad yours makes you feel better too. I have I would say a medium sized dog, and same I don't know what I'd without her. She forces me to get up each day to feed her, to let her out, when I cry she lays with me, gets me out and walking even if it's just for 5 to 10 minutes.

I am happy to hear counseling is working for you, that's so good you found a good counselor for you. That's the hard part finding one that clicks with you and understands. I'll have to start researching therapists around me and try to find one of the good ones. I did go to counseling in my teens for my anxiety but I didn't really care for the guy, didn't feel he helped me so I've been a bit hesitant.

I hope you have a good day Ishita, hugs to you and I will check in later.  

 

Hi Jason,

I live on the west coast. Your boss seems like a nice person and yes her personal tragedy is so huge and therefore she understands more. I'm glad work is not too stressful for you but yes it's is mentally exhausting to sit in front of the laptop and try to work when all you can think of is mom.

Yes, I feel the presence of my mom. I think like how you get messages in form of sunny days I too get it in some ways. I wanted to share what happened with me yesterday.

I read an article about the bird Robin in the morning. It stated that if you see a Robin then that's a sign that your loved ones' souls are visiting you. It will sound funny but I have never seen a Robin in my life and didn't even know how they looked like. So I googled.

In the evening I took my dogs out for a walk after a long time. I don't go out but tried yesterday. I was walking and then my dog was sniffing something so I was waiting for him to be done and a Robin came and sat on a bush in front of me. She was there for 2-3 minutes. I was so happy and surprised. What are the chances of this happening!! I think our moms are around us. I was feeling so strong yesterday. 

I also saw rainbow yesterday. I don't know but that's rare too. 

About counseling, yes, please give it a try. I have my session today and I am looking forward to it. You just need to find a good one. I have anxiety issues too. I am on medication which helps.

I hope you get more messages from your mom today. Hugs to you. Talk to you later.

 

[JasonA30]

39 minutes ago, Lost now said:

Hi Jason,

I live on the west coast. Your boss seems like a nice person and yes her personal tragedy is so huge and therefore she understands more. I'm glad work is not too stressful for you but yes it's is mentally exhausting to sit in front of the laptop and try to work when all you can think of is mom.

Yes, I feel the presence of my mom. I think like how you get messages in form of sunny days I too get it in some ways. I wanted to share what happened with me yesterday.

I read an article about the bird Robin in the morning. It stated that if you see a Robin then that's a sign that your loved ones' souls are visiting you. It will sound funny but I have never seen a Robin in my life and didn't even know how they looked like. So I googled.

In the evening I took my dogs out for a walk after a long time. I don't go out but tried yesterday. I was walking and then my dog was sniffing something so I was waiting for him to be done and a Robin came and sat on a bush in front of me. She was there for 2-3 minutes. I was so happy and surprised. What are the chances of this happening!! I think our moms are around us. I was feeling so strong yesterday. 

I also saw rainbow yesterday. I don't know but that's rare too. 

About counseling, yes, please give it a try. I have my session today and I am looking forward to it. You just need to find a good one. I have anxiety issues too. I am on medication which helps.

I hope you get more messages from your mom today. Hugs to you. Talk to you later.

Hi, Ishita

Oh nice, I hope it's warm where you're at. I live in Pennsylvania and it's starting to get nice again getting more warm sunny days, still have some cold days here and there. Work today has gone fairly well. I've been working for the same place for nearly 10 years so a lot of times my mind can go kind of on autopilot as I work and then I daydream as I am working just thinking of whatever runs through my mind. Before my mom passed I would think about things I am looking forward to after work, what I might eat for dinner, what TV show I might stream, now I daydream a lot about mom sometimes I think back to fun happy times with her, sometimes I think how much I miss her and wish she was here.

I am so happy you got out yesterday with your dogs for a walk, any little bit is good! Some days I don't want to go out, but when I get myself outside and take my dog for a walk I almost always feel better after doing so. Knowing you got yourself out, I will think of you and get out and walk my dog later this evening.

I have heard that about Robins and that is amazing that the day you read about it, you saw a Robin for the first time and she sat near you! That is a sign for sure that your mom was coming to check on you and visit. I have a strong belief that our passed loved ones spirit live on and like yesterday for you, we just know they are there with us some days, we can feel them! Sounds like your mom gave you a beautiful rainbow to admire too :-) My mood always perks up when I see a rainbow.

That's good to hear I am sure you're going to have a great session today. I will start Googling for some counselors in my area tonight. That's my only concern is having to try a few different counselors until I find the perfect one for me, but have to start somewhere.

Take care, hugs! I wish you the same that you get more messages from your amazing, loving mom. Thanks for chatting with me last couple days, it is helping just having another person that fully relates. Talk to you again.

 

[Lost now]

8 hours ago, JasonA30 said:

 

Hi Jason,

I live in the Pacific Northwest. It rains a lot. My day was ok. I dozed off at 4 and woke up at 6 pm. 

Do let me know how your walk was. What's your dog's name? 

My therapy session was good. I told her about the robin incident and she told me she believes that it was a sign that mom visits me. She is very nice and non judgemental. I feel better after talking to her.

I feel worse in the mornings (that's the time I used to text her everyday) and better in the evening. Do you feel depressed certain times of the day? My morning anxiety and depression are unbearable. I think I wake up and then it hits me she is gone. 

It's nice talking to you too Jason. I am glad it is helping you. It helps me for sure. Let's stay in touch. We will give strength to each other.

How was your day? You are probably off to bed. If yes, I will talk to you tomorrow.

 

[JasonA30]

7 hours ago, Lost now said:

Hi Jason,

I live in the Pacific Northwest. It rains a lot. My day was ok. I dozed off at 4 and woke up at 6 pm. 

Do let me know how your walk was. What's your dog's name? 

My therapy session was good. I told her about the robin incident and she told me she believes that it was a sign that mom visits me. She is very nice and non judgemental. I feel better after talking to her.

I feel worse in the mornings (that's the time I used to text her everyday) and better in the evening. Do you feel depressed certain times of the day? My morning anxiety and depression are unbearable. I think I wake up and then it hits me she is gone. 

It's nice talking to you too Jason. I am glad it is helping you. It helps me for sure. Let's stay in touch. We will give strength to each other.

How was your day? You are probably off to bed. If yes, I will talk to you tomorrow.

 

Hi Ishita,

Oh okay yeah I've heard it rains a lot there, but heard and from what I've seen it's a pretty nice place to live

We had a good walk only about 20 mins but was nice to feel the sun, get some fresh air and exercise. My dog's name is Bailey she's a black lab mixed with a whippet, not sure if you know what a whippet is (I never heard of the breed before I got her) they're like a smaller greyhound. I thought I was getting a pure black lab when I got her lol, but I wouldn't trade her she's my lifesaver :-) What are your dogs' names?

I am glad to hear you had a good therapy session. I am so happy you have such a good, kind therapist that's what I want. How many times a week do you visit her? I bet you're going to start seeing more Robins around now, moms always know when we need them most.

Yes, I am the same way my anxiety and depression is worse in the morning. I always felt anxious in the morning even before I lost my mom, but it's worse now. Yeah I think that's it, we wake up and realize our moms are really not here. I know the thought of going a whole day again without seeing or talking to my mom just makes me really sad upon waking up. Some days I wake up and my heart is just racing. Do you get that? I do feel some better into the afternoon especially when work is over.

Getting to sleep sometimes is hard, some nights I have trouble shutting off my brain. 

I am glad to hear our talks are helping you too! We definitely give each other strength and will continue to do so. I woke up today anxious, but was hoping to log on and hear from you. I was happy there was a new message from you :-)

My day was okay yesterday. I try to go to bed around 11pm which would be what 8pm for you I think. I hope you have a good day today, talk to you later. 

[Lost now]

7 hours ago, JasonA30 said:

Hi Ishita,

Oh okay yeah I've heard it rains a lot there, but heard and from what I've seen it's a pretty nice place to live

We had a good walk only about 20 mins but was nice to feel the sun, get some fresh air and exercise. My dog's name is Bailey she's a black lab mixed with a whippet, not sure if you know what a whippet is (I never heard of the breed before I got her) they're like a smaller greyhound. I thought I was getting a pure black lab when I got her lol, but I wouldn't trade her she's my lifesaver :-) What are your dogs' names?

I am glad to hear you had a good therapy session. I am so happy you have such a good, kind therapist that's what I want. How many times a week do you visit her? I bet you're going to start seeing more Robins around now, moms always know when we need them most.

Yes, I am the same way my anxiety and depression is worse in the morning. I always felt anxious in the morning even before I lost my mom, but it's worse now. Yeah I think that's it, we wake up and realize our moms are really not here. I know the thought of going a whole day again without seeing or talking to my mom just makes me really sad upon waking up. Some days I wake up and my heart is just racing. Do you get that? I do feel some better into the afternoon especially when work is over.

Getting to sleep sometimes is hard, some nights I have trouble shutting off my brain. 

I am glad to hear our talks are helping you too! We definitely give each other strength and will continue to do so. I woke up today anxious, but was hoping to log on and hear from you. I was happy there was a new message from you :-)

My day was okay yesterday. I try to go to bed around 11pm which would be what 8pm for you I think. I hope you have a good day today, talk to you later. 

Hi Jason,

Hope you were able to get some sleep last night. I woke up very sad today and have cried multiple times already. I saw some of her pictures in my phone and couldn't control myself. It's so difficult. She was the fittest person in our family (even in extended family). It's just difficult to accept that she can get a fatal cardiac arrest. I don't think I will ever accept it. I am having a rough day.

Yes, I do wake up sometimes with my heart racing. It is so scary. I think it's because of our anxiety issues and not it's worse. 

I looked up the breed and it's so cute. I didn't know about this breed. Bailey is such a sweet name. Hugs to her. My dogs are small. One is Boston Terrier Chihuahua mix. His name is Fred and the other one is a pug named Ralph. They help me keep going. 

Right now my therapy session is only once a week. But I think it's better to have twice a week in the initial months. 

I do look forward to your messages. It gives me strength. 

I hope you have a good day too. Take care. I am looking forward to hear back from you.

[JasonA30]

13 minutes ago, Lost now said:

Hi Jason,

Hope you were able to get some sleep last night. I woke up very sad today and have cried multiple times already. I saw some of her pictures in my phone and couldn't control myself. It's so difficult. She was the fittest person in our family (even in extended family). It's just difficult to accept that she can get a fatal cardiac arrest. I don't think I will ever accept it. I am having a rough day.

Yes, I do wake up sometimes with my heart racing. It is so scary. I think it's because of our anxiety issues and not it's worse. 

I looked up the breed and it's so cute. I didn't know about this breed. Bailey is such a sweet name. Hugs to her. My dogs are small. One is Boston Terrier Chihuahua mix. His name is Fred and the other one is a pug named Ralph. They help me keep going. 

Right now my therapy session is only once a week. But I think it's better to have twice a week in the initial months. 

I do look forward to your messages. It gives me strength. 

I hope you have a good day too. Take care. I am looking forward to hear back from you.

Hi Ishita,

I slept okay overall. I am sorry to hear you're having a rough day today, sending you a big virtual hug. Life really is unfair sometimes and some things just don't make any sense as to why they happen, our moms were relatively young nearly the same age, 58 and 61, just doesn't make sense. That definitely is what makes it so hard on us. I have relatives that smoke and well into their 80s still living, I don't want anything to happen to them I love them, but just doesn't seem fair. I get very emotional too when I see pictures of my mom. Last weekend I was on her Facebook just looking at pictures of us and it broke me down.

Yeah I hate it, hate waking up with a racing heart. It's anxiety for sure mine usually calms down once I get moving and comes back if I start thinking about things such as missing mom or if work is being stressful.

Thank you, Bailey is very loving and friendly, I always warn new people that go to pet she'll lick your face off if you put your face near hers ha. Oh my gosh you have some cute dogs too!! I knew what a Pug looks like but wasn't familiar with the Boston Terrier Chihuahua mix and looked it up very cute. Fred and Ralph those are some great names I love it. Dogs are truly amazing for us, I am glad you have them. How old are they? Bailey is 7.

I am glad I give you something to look forward to, as you do for me.

I wish I had something magical to say to make your day better but just know it's okay to have these days, sometimes we just need to cry and I am always willing to listen. I definitely have those days too. Do you have to work today or did you take off? It's kind of dreary day here no sun but getting through it. Take care, hugs.

 

[Lost now]

3 hours ago, JasonA30 said:

Hi Ishita,

I slept okay overall. I am sorry to hear you're having a rough day today, sending you a big virtual hug. Life really is unfair sometimes and some things just don't make any sense as to why they happen, our moms were relatively young nearly the same age, 58 and 61, just doesn't make sense. That definitely is what makes it so hard on us. I have relatives that smoke and well into their 80s still living, I don't want anything to happen to them I love them, but just doesn't seem fair. I get very emotional too when I see pictures of my mom. Last weekend I was on her Facebook just looking at pictures of us and it broke me down.

Yeah I hate it, hate waking up with a racing heart. It's anxiety for sure mine usually calms down once I get moving and comes back if I start thinking about things such as missing mom or if work is being stressful.

Thank you, Bailey is very loving and friendly, I always warn new people that go to pet she'll lick your face off if you put your face near hers ha. Oh my gosh you have some cute dogs too!! I knew what a Pug looks like but wasn't familiar with the Boston Terrier Chihuahua mix and looked it up very cute. Fred and Ralph those are some great names I love it. Dogs are truly amazing for us, I am glad you have them. How old are they? Bailey is 7.

I am glad I give you something to look forward to, as you do for me.

I wish I had something magical to say to make your day better but just know it's okay to have these days, sometimes we just need to cry and I am always willing to listen. I definitely have those days too. Do you have to work today or did you take off? It's kind of dreary day here no sun but getting through it. Take care, hugs.

 

Thanks Jason. Another virtual hug to you. I am not crying anymore but overall feeling very low. I am working but I don't have much to do today. I keep thinking about why it happened. I do have people in my family who are not nice people but they are alive. I don't want anything to happen to them but it hurts. My mom was so nice to everyone even when they were not nice to my mom. Why do good people die young? Yes, out moms were so young and didn't deserve this.

Bailey is definitely a loving dog. I would love to get those kisses from her. My dogs do the same. They are always kissing me. Fred is very attached to me. He doesn't go to others. He is very scared of othe people but Ralph is very friendly and goes to everyone. Fred is almost 2 and Ralph is almost 1. They are adorable little dogs.

I am constantly thinking about mom today and why this happened with us. I think I will feel ok in a few hours. I have to just let it flow. I can't force myself to stop thinking about it.

How was your work? Are you ready to have dinner now?

I used to cook everyday and send pictures of the food to my mom now I eat ramen or frozen meals almost everyday. Don't feel like cooking and eating anything nice.

Take care, talk to you soon!

[JasonA30]

1 hour ago, Lost now said:

Thanks Jason. Another virtual hug to you. I am not crying anymore but overall feeling very low. I am working but I don't have much to do today. I keep thinking about why it happened. I do have people in my family who are not nice people but they are alive. I don't want anything to happen to them but it hurts. My mom was so nice to everyone even when they were not nice to my mom. Why do good people die young? Yes, out moms were so young and didn't deserve this.

Bailey is definitely a loving dog. I would love to get those kisses from her. My dogs do the same. They are always kissing me. Fred is very attached to me. He doesn't go to others. He is very scared of othe people but Ralph is very friendly and goes to everyone. Fred is almost 2 and Ralph is almost 1. They are adorable little dogs.

I am constantly thinking about mom today and why this happened with us. I think I will feel ok in a few hours. I have to just let it flow. I can't force myself to stop thinking about it.

How was your work? Are you ready to have dinner now?

I used to cook everyday and send pictures of the food to my mom now I eat ramen or frozen meals almost everyday. Don't feel like cooking and eating anything nice.

Take care, talk to you soon!

You're very welcome for the hugs and thank you. That's good at least you didn't have too much work to do, hope you got through the work day okay and maybe relaxing with Fred and Ralph now. I completely understand, I often think about and question why my mom had to go so young. She did nothing to deserve it and neither did your mom. You mom sounds like one incredibly kind person. Our moms would have got along as my mom was outgoing and loved talking to anyone maybe they're even up there watching us talk to each other.

I am the same I don't mind dog kisses at all, aww your dogs sound so very sweet I'd love to meet them. Wow 2 and 1 very young pups, bet they are full of energy and love to play.

I totally understand some days my mom dominates my mind too and I cry multiple times a day you're definitely not alone I relate to how you feel so much, the day I made my first post was a crying day. I usually feel some better after a good cry getting those emotions out, better to get our emotions out than to bottle them up. 

My work day wasn't too bad, glad it's Friday tomorrow. Tonight I had spaghetti pretty basic meal, but was good 

What did you used to cook? I hope maybe one day you will be able to cook the things you enjoyed cooking again in memory of your mom when the time is right. 

I hope by the time you read this you are feeling some better, hugs, and if you don't hear from me again tonight hope you have a good evening and sleep well tonight. Take care, Ishita. Talk again soon!

 

[Lost now]

2 hours ago, JasonA30 said:

You're very welcome for the hugs and thank you. That's good at least you didn't have too much work to do, hope you got through the work day okay and maybe relaxing with Fred and Ralph now. I completely understand, I often think about and question why my mom had to go so young. She did nothing to deserve it and neither did your mom. You mom sounds like one incredibly kind person. Our moms would have got along as my mom was outgoing and loved talking to anyone maybe they're even up there watching us talk to each other.

I am the same I don't mind dog kisses at all, aww your dogs sound so very sweet I'd love to meet them. Wow 2 and 1 very young pups, bet they are full of energy and love to play.

I totally understand some days my mom dominates my mind too and I cry multiple times a day you're definitely not alone I relate to how you feel so much, the day I made my first post was a crying day. I usually feel some better after a good cry getting those emotions out, better to get our emotions out than to bottle them up. 

My work day wasn't too bad, glad it's Friday tomorrow. Tonight I had spaghetti pretty basic meal, but was good 

What did you used to cook? I hope maybe one day you will be able to cook the things you enjoyed cooking again in memory of your mom when the time is right. 

I hope by the time you read this you are feeling some better, hugs, and if you don't hear from me again tonight hope you have a good evening and sleep well tonight. Take care, Ishita. Talk again soon!

 

I just played fetch with them. They like it a lot. It made me feel a little better. But overall day was not good. I keep remembering the times I used to make her life difficult when I was a kid and in my teens and feel guilty. She was always caring and gave me unconditional love. 

Spaghetti sounds delicious. It's also easy to make. I made some ready to eat Mac and cheese. I skipped lunch. I used to cook a lot. Loved it in fact. I used to make Pasta, enchiladas, quesadilla, indian food, burgers, Thai etc. My mom used to share recipes with me. Now I see no point in doing anything.

I have been asking myself today what's the point of living this life. I don't know if I will ever be happy and if I'm not happy what's the point. I will never do any self harm but I think if death comes I will not resist. I am sorry. I am too negative today. I will try to go to bed early tonight. I hope tomorrow is better. 

Yes, tomorrow is Friday. I like the weekends a lot more now because I don't have to pretend to anyone that I'm getting better. I will just lay in my bed all day and try to sleep as much as I can.

I hope you get a good night sleep and cuddle with Bailey. I will talk to you tomorrow. 

Take care Jason!

Ishita

 

[JasonA30]

7 hours ago, Lost now said:

I just played fetch with them. They like it a lot. It made me feel a little better. But overall day was not good. I keep remembering the times I used to make her life difficult when I was a kid and in my teens and feel guilty. She was always caring and gave me unconditional love. 

Spaghetti sounds delicious. It's also easy to make. I made some ready to eat Mac and cheese. I skipped lunch. I used to cook a lot. Loved it in fact. I used to make Pasta, enchiladas, quesadilla, indian food, burgers, Thai etc. My mom used to share recipes with me. Now I see no point in doing anything.

I have been asking myself today what's the point of living this life. I don't know if I will ever be happy and if I'm not happy what's the point. I will never do any self harm but I think if death comes I will not resist. I am sorry. I am too negative today. I will try to go to bed early tonight. I hope tomorrow is better. 

Yes, tomorrow is Friday. I like the weekends a lot more now because I don't have to pretend to anyone that I'm getting better. I will just lay in my bed all day and try to sleep as much as I can.

I hope you get a good night sleep and cuddle with Bailey. I will talk to you tomorrow. 

Take care Jason!

Ishita

 

Good morning Ishita,

I didn't get the best sleep, woke up middle of the night to go bathroom and then had some trouble getting back to sleep as I was thinking about mom again

I am glad playing with your dogs made you feel a little better, Bailey likes to play fetch too and I enjoy playing with her. I think we all gave our parents somewhat of tough time as kids/teens. I didn't get in major trouble growing up but I had my moments that I know made my mom upset and was punished. Your mom did an amazing job raising you I can tell how loving and caring she was, I know we've only been chatting a couple days, but you seem very sweet and kind she's definitely proud of the person you became. You certainly have become a positive part of my day, I look forward to hearing from you.

Wish I could have shared some with you. I like mac and cheese. It sounds like you made some very delicious meals, I would love to have one of your meals. When my mom passed I took one of her recipe books, haven't had the courage to try making one of her recipes. I think eventually you'll be able to make meals like that again, with your mom there with you in spirit, but I understand how hard it is right now. I understand it feeling pointless or not having the motivation to do it. I find it really hard to concentrate on much these days, I turn on the TV and I don't even remember what I watched, my mind is filled with thoughts of mom.  

No need to be sorry, I've asked myself the same sort of questions over the last 3 months on my really bad days. Some days it really is hard to find happiness when the one we were closest to left us so soon and abruptly. Our moms would want us to try and be happy, I am trying hard to find happiness each day, some days it just doesn't happen some times we just need to cry.

Yeah, I always looked forward to the weekends of course, but since my mom passed I really really looked forward to them, no work stress for two days, no one depending on me to get something done. I can just play with Bailey or lay in bed if I need to, cry if I need to.

Hope maybe you slept better than I did and hope Ralph and Fred comforted you. Do they sleep on your bed or have their own bed? Bailey has her own but I let her on my bed and she will sleep there some nights. I'll be on later and talk to you soon. Hugs, Jason.

 

[Lost now]

7 hours ago, JasonA30 said:

Good morning Ishita,

I didn't get the best sleep, woke up middle of the night to go bathroom and then had some trouble getting back to sleep as I was thinking about mom again

I am glad playing with your dogs made you feel a little better, Bailey likes to play fetch too and I enjoy playing with her. I think we all gave our parents somewhat of tough time as kids/teens. I didn't get in major trouble growing up but I had my moments that I know made my mom upset and was punished. Your mom did an amazing job raising you I can tell how loving and caring she was, I know we've only been chatting a couple days, but you seem very sweet and kind she's definitely proud of the person you became. You certainly have become a positive part of my day, I look forward to hearing from you.

Wish I could have shared some with you. I like mac and cheese. It sounds like you made some very delicious meals, I would love to have one of your meals. When my mom passed I took one of her recipe books, haven't had the courage to try making one of her recipes. I think eventually you'll be able to make meals like that again, with your mom there with you in spirit, but I understand how hard it is right now. I understand it feeling pointless or not having the motivation to do it. I find it really hard to concentrate on much these days, I turn on the TV and I don't even remember what I watched, my mind is filled with thoughts of mom.  

No need to be sorry, I've asked myself the same sort of questions over the last 3 months on my really bad days. Some days it really is hard to find happiness when the one we were closest to left us so soon and abruptly. Our moms would want us to try and be happy, I am trying hard to find happiness each day, some days it just doesn't happen some times we just need to cry.

Yeah, I always looked forward to the weekends of course, but since my mom passed I really really looked forward to them, no work stress for two days, no one depending on me to get something done. I can just play with Bailey or lay in bed if I need to, cry if I need to.

Hope maybe you slept better than I did and hope Ralph and Fred comforted you. Do they sleep on your bed or have their own bed? Bailey has her own but I let her on my bed and she will sleep there some nights. I'll be on later and talk to you soon. Hugs, Jason.

 

Hi Jason,

I am feeling a little better today. I am sorry you didn't have a good sleep. Hopefully you can rest in the afternoon. 

Thanks so much for saying kind words about me. I think I get all those qualities from my mom.

I wish I could send some Mac and cheese to Pennsylvania. You should try to make something from your mom's recipe book this weekend and let me know what it is. 

I am going to my sister's place on Sunday. I will be on central time. My dad is there. I will be there for two weeks and then return.

Talking to you here helps me a lot. So a big thank you for that. Yesterday was very difficult for me but you helped me feel stronger. As you said we do need to cry some days and that's totally normal.

My dogs sleep in the bed with me. They will cry all night if I don't let them in the bed. They are very clingy. Bailey seems like a well behaved dog. My dogs are not (I lack training skills, so not their fault)

Hope your day is going well with no too much work stress.

Talk to you soon.

Ishita

[JasonA30]

2 hours ago, Lost now said:

Hi Jason,

I am feeling a little better today. I am sorry you didn't have a good sleep. Hopefully you can rest in the afternoon. 

Thanks so much for saying kind words about me. I think I get all those qualities from my mom.

I wish I could send some Mac and cheese to Pennsylvania. You should try to make something from your mom's recipe book this weekend and let me know what it is. 

I am going to my sister's place on Sunday. I will be on central time. My dad is there. I will be there for two weeks and then return.

Talking to you here helps me a lot. So a big thank you for that. Yesterday was very difficult for me but you helped me feel stronger. As you said we do need to cry some days and that's totally normal.

My dogs sleep in the bed with me. They will cry all night if I don't let them in the bed. They are very clingy. Bailey seems like a well behaved dog. My dogs are not (I lack training skills, so not their fault)

Hope your day is going well with no too much work stress.

Talk to you soon.

Ishita

Hi Ishita,

I am happy to hear you're feeling a bit better today. Did you have work today? If so was it busy or light work day? Thank you luckily it wasn't a busy work day so the lack of sleep didn't affect me too much. It is a nice day here Bailey and I were just playing outside.

You're very welcome. For sure you got a lot of your qualities from your wonderful mom you are so close to her and she means the world to you a lot of her is in you right now

Oh that'd be lovely if you could send me some haha. Maybe I will try to make something this weekend we'll see. I am just nervous I won't do it as well as her but guess won't know until I try.

Oh that's nice I think that will definitely do you a lot of good being around your sister and dad I am sure you're going to have a good two weeks with them. When was the last time you visited them? I hope when you're with them you have some good meals and maybe when you get back you'll be up for making one of your really good meals.

My dad and sister live close to me, I always feel better when I see them. We now often tell happy memories of mom when we get together, sometimes it makes us all a little teary eyed, but it feels good to remember all the good times we had with mom.

You're welcome I am glad I am helping you that makes me feel good, you're certainly helping me. Yes nothing wrong at all with crying we're totally normal for being emotional.

Bailey listens fairly well but has her moments when she doesn't. I think once our dogs get a feel for our nice big beds they don't want their dog beds lol, Bailey almost never sleeps on her dog bed. I've always let Bailey on the bed since I got her as a puppy so I have to take some blame for that as well. Sounds like Fred and Ralph are the same way.

Hope you have a nice evening ahead and look forward to hearing from you again :-)

Jason

 

[Lost now]

1 hour ago, JasonA30 said:

Hi Ishita,

I am happy to hear you're feeling a bit better today. Did you have work today? If so was it busy or light work day? Thank you luckily it wasn't a busy work day so the lack of sleep didn't affect me too much. It is a nice day here Bailey and I were just playing outside.

You're very welcome. For sure you got a lot of your qualities from your wonderful mom you are so close to her and she means the world to you a lot of her is in you right now

Oh that'd be lovely if you could send me some haha. Maybe I will try to make something this weekend we'll see. I am just nervous I won't do it as well as her but guess won't know until I try.

Oh that's nice I think that will definitely do you a lot of good being around your sister and dad I am sure you're going to have a good two weeks with them. When was the last time you visited them? I hope when you're with them you have some good meals and maybe when you get back you'll be up for making one of your really good meals.

My dad and sister live close to me, I always feel better when I see them. We now often tell happy memories of mom when we get together, sometimes it makes us all a little teary eyed, but it feels good to remember all the good times we had with mom.

You're welcome I am glad I am helping you that makes me feel good, you're certainly helping me. Yes nothing wrong at all with crying we're totally normal for being emotional.

Bailey listens fairly well but has her moments when she doesn't. I think once our dogs get a feel for our nice big beds they don't want their dog beds lol, Bailey almost never sleeps on her dog bed. I've always let Bailey on the bed since I got her as a puppy so I have to take some blame for that as well. Sounds like Fred and Ralph are the same way.

Hope you have a nice evening ahead and look forward to hearing from you again :-)

Jason

 

Work was not busy. I didn't do much. Fridays are always light. I have every fourth Friday of the month off so the next one is long weekend for me. Not that I care about going anywhere or doing anything fun but I hate meetings etc so it will be good.

My dad lives in India. When my mom passed away in January, my sister went to India for her funeral and brought dad here to the US. I couldn't go because of my visa situation (needed an appointment and because of the pandemic those were not available). I will be meeting my dad after 2 years and I met my sister in Jan when my mom passed away. I was in a bad situation when it happened so she had to come to me. Dad will stay with us for 5-6 months and then go back to India. We didn't want him to be alone there. He is in a bad state too.

It's nice that your dad and sister are not too far away. I'm glad you guys got to the stage where you can talk about the happy memories. I am sure it's still tough but you all are on the right path. It's still too early for us. My sister is pretty good at coping but I am a mess. 

Yes, please let me know if you end up making something special. If you do, keep one plate for your mom on the dining table. I am sure she will be around.

Yes, our dogs are very naughty but they are also amazing. Fred and Ralph will love Bailey.

You have a good night too. Talk to you soon.

Ishita

[JasonA30]

15 hours ago, Lost now said:

Work was not busy. I didn't do much. Fridays are always light. I have every fourth Friday of the month off so the next one is long weekend for me. Not that I care about going anywhere or doing anything fun but I hate meetings etc so it will be good.

My dad lives in India. When my mom passed away in January, my sister went to India for her funeral and brought dad here to the US. I couldn't go because of my visa situation (needed an appointment and because of the pandemic those were not available). I will be meeting my dad after 2 years and I met my sister in Jan when my mom passed away. I was in a bad situation when it happened so she had to come to me. Dad will stay with us for 5-6 months and then go back to India. We didn't want him to be alone there. He is in a bad state too.

It's nice that your dad and sister are not too far away. I'm glad you guys got to the stage where you can talk about the happy memories. I am sure it's still tough but you all are on the right path. It's still too early for us. My sister is pretty good at coping but I am a mess. 

Yes, please let me know if you end up making something special. If you do, keep one plate for your mom on the dining table. I am sure she will be around.

Yes, our dogs are very naughty but they are also amazing. Fred and Ralph will love Bailey.

You have a good night too. Talk to you soon.

Ishita

Good day Ishita,

I am glad to hear work wasn't busy for you, always nice to end the week on a light day. Oh that's really cool you get every fourth Friday off. How is your day going today? Sleep okay? I slept better. I just had some rain, and now the sun is trying to come back out, hope it does.

Oh my gosh so you didn't get be at the funeral,  I am sorry to hear that had to make things even more hard on you. That's really a shame they couldn't make an exception for you to go be with your family so unfair. The pandemic really has made a lot of things so difficult. I am glad your dad is able to be here and will be here for a few months he definitely needs you and your sister, you all will be able to help each other. How long were they married/together for? I try to visit my dad every weekend to check on him and keep him company, I don't think I ever saw him cry until my mom passed. My parents were married 37 years but dated for a few years before that, so its been really rough on him too.

My sister is the stronger one too, she is handling this better than I am. Makes me envious I wish I could be like that, but it still has me very depressed and still really struggling.

Oh that's a good idea to leave a plate for mom, I am going to try to go through her recipe book today and go buy whatever I need.

Bailey would love Fred and Ralph too, Bailey enjoys playing with other dogs big and small. Yeah I can never be mad at Bailey even if she gets in a bit of trouble, she's too sweet and too cute looking ha they are truly amazing to have around.

I hope to hear from you, but if not it's okay I am sure you got a little packing to do for two weeks away. I hope you have a safe trip to your sister's tomorrow. Are you flying?

Jason

 

[Lost now]

1 hour ago, JasonA30 said:

Good day Ishita,

I am glad to hear work wasn't busy for you, always nice to end the week on a light day. Oh that's really cool you get every fourth Friday off. How is your day going today? Sleep okay? I slept better. I just had some rain, and now the sun is trying to come back out, hope it does.

Oh my gosh so you didn't get be at the funeral,  I am sorry to hear that had to make things even more hard on you. That's really a shame they couldn't make an exception for you to go be with your family so unfair. The pandemic really has made a lot of things so difficult. I am glad your dad is able to be here and will be here for a few months he definitely needs you and your sister, you all will be able to help each other. How long were they married/together for? I try to visit my dad every weekend to check on him and keep him company, I don't think I ever saw him cry until my mom passed. My parents were married 37 years but dated for a few years before that, so its been really rough on him too.

My sister is the stronger one too, she is handling this better than I am. Makes me envious I wish I could be like that, but it still has me very depressed and still really struggling.

Oh that's a good idea to leave a plate for mom, I am going to try to go through her recipe book today and go buy whatever I need.

Bailey would love Fred and Ralph too, Bailey enjoys playing with other dogs big and small. Yeah I can never be mad at Bailey even if she gets in a bit of trouble, she's too sweet and too cute looking ha they are truly amazing to have around.

I hope to hear from you, but if not it's okay I am sure you got a little packing to do for two weeks away. I hope you have a safe trip to your sister's tomorrow. Are you flying?

Jason

 

Hi Jason,

Good day to you and Bailey too. I slept well but did cry a lot before going to the bed. But I am feeling better this morning (thanks to mom for visiting me in my dream last night).

I am happy that you slept well too. I hope it stays sunny there all day. 

Yes, I saw my mom on the video call during the funeral. It was so difficult Jason. I cried so much. I wanted to just hug her and go with her. I hate this pandemic. 

My mom and dad were married for 38 years and dated for 2 so they knew each other for 40 years so just like your parents. They were best friends. I have never seen my dad cry before this either but he cries everyday and doesn't talk much. Keeps everything inside. It's so nice you go to see your dad a lot. He definitely needs you. He seems very broken. I feel bad for our dads. My dad was very dependent on my mom. My dad has several health issues. Mom had nothing. She took care of my dad. 

Our stories are very similar. My sister is pretty strong emotionally too. She is coping well and I am a mess. 

Please do let me know about the recipe you pick. Please don't pressure yourself though. Do it only if you are ready. Your mom is with you either way.

I will pack today. Yes, I'm flying tomorrow. I don't know how will I do it because being around people is difficult for me at this time. I hope I don't get panic attacks.

I will be here. So we will talk everyday.

Take care and have a good day.

Talk to you later.

 

[JasonA30]

4 hours ago, Lost now said:

Hi Jason,

Good day to you and Bailey too. I slept well but did cry a lot before going to the bed. But I am feeling better this morning (thanks to mom for visiting me in my dream last night).

I am happy that you slept well too. I hope it stays sunny there all day. 

Yes, I saw my mom on the video call during the funeral. It was so difficult Jason. I cried so much. I wanted to just hug her and go with her. I hate this pandemic. 

My mom and dad were married for 38 years and dated for 2 so they knew each other for 40 years so just like your parents. They were best friends. I have never seen my dad cry before this either but he cries everyday and doesn't talk much. Keeps everything inside. It's so nice you go to see your dad a lot. He definitely needs you. He seems very broken. I feel bad for our dads. My dad was very dependent on my mom. My dad has several health issues. Mom had nothing. She took care of my dad. 

Our stories are very similar. My sister is pretty strong emotionally too. She is coping well and I am a mess. 

Please do let me know about the recipe you pick. Please don't pressure yourself though. Do it only if you are ready. Your mom is with you either way.

I will pack today. Yes, I'm flying tomorrow. I don't know how will I do it because being around people is difficult for me at this time. I hope I don't get panic attacks.

I will be here. So we will talk everyday.

Take care and have a good day.

Talk to you later.

Hi Ishita,

I hope you, Ralph and Fred are having a good day. I am happy you slept well, I've gone to bed crying plenty of nights I sympathize with you on that. That's good to hear your mom visited you in your dream she must have heard your cries and knew you needed her that must have felt good to get that sign from her. I haven't had a dream like that yet. I hope you continue to have more of those kind of dreams, our moms are definitely with us.

It rained a little here, but was mostly a sunny day. Bailey and I got out for a walk this afternoon was nice.

Yeah being there virtually just isn't the same I am really sorry you had to go through that, just so unfair, hugs.

Oh wow your parents were together a long time too, our parents were very similar indeed, goodness I know what your dad is feeling then from seeing what my dad is feeling and my heart hurts for him. My mom and dad were the same way, my mom took care of so much for my dad and took care of the house doing the bills and whatnot. My dad had to learn how to do a lot of things on his own, and my dad has health problems and mom kept on top of him taking his medications and whatnot. He seems to be doing well on his own so far, but it is something I worry about. I hope while your dad is here he can open up to you and your sister and talk about it more. I know how hard it is to talk about, but I know I feel better when I get the courage to talk.

I wish I had half of my sister's strength. I am still very emotional and having a hard time too. 

Thanks I flipped through the recipe book today and I just didn't know what I wanted to make, I was getting teary eyed reading her recipes thinking of all things she made us, I think I am going to hold off a bit.

How long is the flight? I think you'll be strong and make it to your sister's, you'll get a big hug from her and big hug from your dad you're going to have a good day and a good two weeks.

Okay sounds good I'll look for your messages and I'll be here to talk with you.

Take care and talk to you soon.

 

 

 

[Lost now]

20 hours ago, JasonA30 said:

 

Hi Jason,

I had to run a lot of errands yesterday so couldn't respond to you. 

I am doing ok. There are some moments where I feel a strong power around me and I don't feel sad but then there are several moments where I cry and feel low. This is my first loss. I don't know what to expect. I know you experience this as well.

I am glad you and Bailey got out for the walk and it didn't rain much. I hope it's sunny there today.

Our dads were very dependent on our moms. I feel for both of them. I do want my dad my dad to eventually move to the US so he can be around us. Does your sister live close to your dad? When are you going to meet them next? Our losses have changed our lives so much. The main person of the family is gone. It so difficult to cope.

Yes, please take your time if you are not ready to make anything yet from the recipe book. It's yours. Its not going anywhere. 

The flight is 4-5 hours long. I am dreading it but looking forward to see my family.

I'll talk to you soon. If not today then definitely tomorrow.

Take care! Hugs.

Ishita 

 

[JasonA30]

23 minutes ago, Lost now said:

Hi Jason,

I had to run a lot of errands yesterday so couldn't respond to you. 

I am doing ok. There are some moments where I feel a strong power around me and I don't feel sad but then there are several moments where I cry and feel low. This is my first loss. I don't know what to expect. I know you experience this as well.

I am glad you and Bailey got out for the walk and it didn't rain much. I hope it's sunny there today.

Our dads were very dependent on our moms. I feel for both of them. I do want my dad my dad to eventually move to the US so he can be around us. Does your sister live close to your dad? When are you going to meet them next? Our losses have changed our lives so much. The main person of the family is gone. It so difficult to cope.

Yes, please take your time if you are not ready to make anything yet from the recipe book. It's yours. Its not going anywhere. 

The flight is 4-5 hours long. I am dreading it but looking forward to see my family.

I'll talk to you soon. If not today then definitely tomorrow.

Take care! Hugs.

Ishita 

 

Hi Ishita,

No worries that's okay, I figured you had stuff to take care of before you leave

I am happy you're doing ok. Yes, I experience that too. I have moments where I do feel strong and that I am going to be okay, and then times like this morning where I woke up and just had to cry. I was really missing mom this morning and was sad. I've unfortunately lost two grandparents when I was a teen and the other two in my upper 20s, those were hard times, but I still had mom here to comfort me and she got me through those losses. Now that I lost her I don't know who to turn to. My dad and sister are amazing I love them dearly, but they're not mom.

Unfortunately it's a dreary day here maybe that's what got me crying this morning kind of a depressed cloudy day here. The weather definitely affects my mood.

That would be so good for dad if he could stay here permanently, I think it would do you all good. Yeah very true our moms were the main person. I know me, my dad, and sister all turned to mom for so much, and it's the same for your family. It's no wonder why it's so tough on us. Yes, my sister and dad are both within about a 30 minute drive from me. I actually went and visited dad yesterday evening, took Bailey with me he always likes seeing her. He seemed okay, we talked about mom of course we always do how we miss her, was good to see him.

Thanks for saying that, I know one day I will have a craving for something mom made and have the strength turn to that recipe book.

That is a bit of a long flight, I am sure it will go smoothly and you'll be there before you know it. Did you get someone to watch Ralph and Fred or are they going with you? I was going to ask that yesterday and forgot.

Ok sounds good, no pressure to reply back today. Hugs, take care, have a safe flight. I look forward to hearing you made it to your sister's safely.

 Jason

 

[Lost now]

On 3/20/2022 at 2:37 PM, JasonA30 said:

Hi Ishita,

No worries that's okay, I figured you had stuff to take care of before you leave

I am happy you're doing ok. Yes, I experience that too. I have moments where I do feel strong and that I am going to be okay, and then times like this morning where I woke up and just had to cry. I was really missing mom this morning and was sad. I've unfortunately lost two grandparents when I was a teen and the other two in my upper 20s, those were hard times, but I still had mom here to comfort me and she got me through those losses. Now that I lost her I don't know who to turn to. My dad and sister are amazing I love them dearly, but they're not mom.

Unfortunately it's a dreary day here maybe that's what got me crying this morning kind of a depressed cloudy day here. The weather definitely affects my mood.

That would be so good for dad if he could stay here permanently, I think it would do you all good. Yeah very true our moms were the main person. I know me, my dad, and sister all turned to mom for so much, and it's the same for your family. It's no wonder why it's so tough on us. Yes, my sister and dad are both within about a 30 minute drive from me. I actually went and visited dad yesterday evening, took Bailey with me he always likes seeing her. He seemed okay, we talked about mom of course we always do how we miss her, was good to see him.

Thanks for saying that, I know one day I will have a craving for something mom made and have the strength turn to that recipe book.

That is a bit of a long flight, I am sure it will go smoothly and you'll be there before you know it. Did you get someone to watch Ralph and Fred or are they going with you? I was going to ask that yesterday and forgot.

Ok sounds good, no pressure to reply back today. Hugs, take care, have a safe flight. I look forward to hearing you made it to your sister's safely.

 Jason

 

Hi Jason,

How are you doing? I landed at 12:40 am last night. Was exhausted all day today. Met my dad and sister. Dad and I cried. Dad is emotionally and physically weak. I am worried but he is trying to keep himself busy. He is cooking for us. But he doesn't talk much. Keeps everything inside. 

Sorry about your grandparents. Losing them is difficult too. Yes no one can be our mom..no one!! 

That's nice that you met your dad. I am sure he looks forward to you and Bailey visiting. My sister has two big dogs and my dad loves having them around.

My friend is taking care of Fred and Ralph but he told me they were howling last night after I left.

How was your day? I hope everything is ok at work. I couldn't work much today. I sat with dad almost all day and I will help him in cooking tonight.

Hope you are doing ok. Talk to you soon.

 

[JasonA30]

6 minutes ago, Lost now said:

Hi Jason,

How are you doing? I landed at 12:40 am last night. Was exhausted all day today. Met my dad and sister. Dad and I cried. Dad is emotionally and physically weak. I am worried but he is trying to keep himself busy. He is cooking for us. But he doesn't talk much. Keeps everything inside. 

Sorry about your grandparents. Losing them is difficult too. Yes no one can be our mom..no one!! 

That's nice that you met your dad. I am sure he looks forward to you and Bailey visiting. My sister has two big dogs and my dad loves having them around.

My friend is taking care of Fred and Ralph but he told me they were howling last night after I left.

How was your day? I hope everything is ok at work. I couldn't work much today. I sat with dad almost all day and I will help him in cooking tonight.

Hope you are doing ok. Talk to you soon.

 

Hi Ishita,

Not too bad today, cried a little this afternoon but I am okay. Oh wow you got in late last night, totally understand you being very tired today, traveling takes a lot out of us. I am glad you got there safely. Poor guy it's just as hard for our dads as it is for us. I hope the longer he is here and you and your sister are with him he'll open up and talk about it. It is very hard to talk about for some. The first month or so I didn't talk much, I just didn't want to think about the fact that mom isn't here, but I was holding in a lot of emotional pain and eventually opened up to my dad and sister. I hope your dad can get there, I think he will.

What are you two cooking tonight? I bet it's something good :-)

Thank you. Yep no one can be our mom, she was just incredibly special to both of us. 

Oh nice I am glad your sister has dogs for your dad and you to be around while you two are there, I know we said it before but dogs are truly amazing they just have a way of brightening our days. I think they'll do your dad a lot of good to be around them each day.

Awww Fred and Ralph miss you. They're going to go crazy when they see you again.

Work here was busy was glad when it was over. Hopefully your work was understanding today and didn't give you a hard time? 

Hope you have a nice evening with your dad and sister, sleep well tonight, have a good dinner and I look forward to hearing from you again.  

[Lost now]

3 hours ago, JasonA30 said:

Hi Ishita,

Not too bad today, cried a little this afternoon but I am okay. Oh wow you got in late last night, totally understand you being very tired today, traveling takes a lot out of us. I am glad you got there safely. Poor guy it's just as hard for our dads as it is for us. I hope the longer he is here and you and your sister are with him he'll open up and talk about it. It is very hard to talk about for some. The first month or so I didn't talk much, I just didn't want to think about the fact that mom isn't here, but I was holding in a lot of emotional pain and eventually opened up to my dad and sister. I hope your dad can get there, I think he will.

What are you two cooking tonight? I bet it's something good :-)

Thank you. Yep no one can be our mom, she was just incredibly special to both of us. 

Oh nice I am glad your sister has dogs for your dad and you to be around while you two are there, I know we said it before but dogs are truly amazing they just have a way of brightening our days. I think they'll do your dad a lot of good to be around them each day.

Awww Fred and Ralph miss you. They're going to go crazy when they see you again.

Work here was busy was glad when it was over. Hopefully your work was understanding today and didn't give you a hard time? 

Hope you have a nice evening with your dad and sister, sleep well tonight, have a good dinner and I look forward to hearing from you again.  

Hi Jason,

Its always so nice to hear from you. I am sorry the morning was tough for you. It's ok to cry. I always feel a little better after crying. 

Yes, I am trying to get my dad to talk. He wanted some tshirts with moms picture  printed on it so I  got him some shirts. He was very happy with those. 

I am glad you were able to open up to your dad and sister. We both have great support system. I have heard from a lot of people who go through huge losses like ours and do not have any support system.

We just made Indian food (nothing fancy) but it was nice to eat with him, my sister and brother-in-law. What did you eat for dinner?

Yes, dogs are the best. They can sense when you are sad and they are happy when you are happy. I played a little with them today. Yes, Fred and Ralph need me. And I need them. I miss them already!!

Work was ok for me. Not too busy. Thanks for asking. 

I hope you sleep well tonight. I will try to get some sleep too. Looking forward to talk to you tomorrow.

Ishita

[Araceli cade]

Hey you guys I’m Araceli Im 17 years old and I just wanna say if there’s anyone out here who understands what I’m going thru recently my dad got murdered about a month ago and every day is harder and worse for me, I dropped out of school and getting my ged because I can’t think about anything anymore besides him it’s so hard I don’t even wanna live anymore I can’t handle this pain.

[JasonA30]

6 hours ago, Lost now said:

Hi Jason,

Its always so nice to hear from you. I am sorry the morning was tough for you. It's ok to cry. I always feel a little better after crying. 

Yes, I am trying to get my dad to talk. He wanted some tshirts with moms picture  printed on it so I  got him some shirts. He was very happy with those. 

I am glad you were able to open up to your dad and sister. We both have great support system. I have heard from a lot of people who go through huge losses like ours and do not have any support system.

We just made Indian food (nothing fancy) but it was nice to eat with him, my sister and brother-in-law. What did you eat for dinner?

Yes, dogs are the best. They can sense when you are sad and they are happy when you are happy. I played a little with them today. Yes, Fred and Ralph need me. And I need them. I miss them already!!

Work was ok for me. Not too busy. Thanks for asking. 

I hope you sleep well tonight. I will try to get some sleep too. Looking forward to talk to you tomorrow.

Ishita

Good morning Ishita

Thanks, I really enjoy hearing from you too. It sure is ok to cry, I did feel better after.

Awww that's sweet I am glad you were able to help your dad get those shirts made and it made him really happy. I think your dad will open up the more you try.

Yes, true I feel lucky to have my dad and sister, and I am glad you have your dad and sister too! I was so dumb I felt like as a guy I had to be tough and not cry or show emotion so that first month I kept everything to myself, but when I opened up my dad and sister both gave me big hugs and let me know they were here for me. I am glad you have a healthy support system around you too. I know if I didn't have mine I'd be even more depressed than I am, probably laying in bed all day everyday.

Oh that's nice it's always nice to share a meal with people even if it's just a simple meal. Nothing fancy either just some chicken but was good.

Dogs really are the best. Bailey always knows what I need as I know Fred and Ralph know what you need, whether we need some loving or need to play and have fun. I understand missing them it's so tough being away from our pups. Whenever I go on vacation and can't take Bailey I always miss her so much.

Glad work wasn't busy, hope the same for today. I start work shortly so we'll see how the day goes.

I hope you have a good day today, I slept okay hope you did too. Talk to you later!

Jason

[JasonA30]

49 minutes ago, Araceli cade said:

Hey you guys I’m Araceli Im 17 years old and I just wanna say if there’s anyone out here who understands what I’m going thru recently my dad got murdered about a month ago and every day is harder and worse for me, I dropped out of school and getting my ged because I can’t think about anything anymore besides him it’s so hard I don’t even wanna live anymore I can’t handle this pain.

Oh my Araceli, I am incredibly sorry to hear about your loss. I can't even imagine the pain you're feeling to lose him in the unfair way you did. I lost my mom 3 months ago and I can relate that every day that goes by so far is harder because I just miss my mom more and more as each day goes by. It is the hardest thing in the world to lose a parent. You're definitely not alone with the way you feel. Some days I still just want to lay in bed all day and not do anything. I've been on this site a week or so now and its been great to chat with people that relate to how I am feeling. Please don't hesitate to reply here or make posts, people are here for you and will talk to you.

[Araceli cade]

Thank you I appreciate that a lot, people have recommended me to talk to a counselor but I feel like they just gonna try to make me forget him you know. So I thought about talking about it with other people that experienced it would be much better. And I’m so very sorry about your mom no parent should die, it’s so unfair:(

[JasonA30]

You're very welcome. I am thinking about talking to a counselor I know I should, I still have so much pain inside me. Lost Now who I've been talking to the most on here goes to therapy and she said it really helps her. I think it's about finding a good therapist which is the tricky part and why I've been hesitant about doing so too. I hope talking here does help you, it has helped me quite a bit. Thank you, I agree I wish we didn't have to lose our parents or anyone for that matter, it's extremely difficult to go through. I have work but I will be back on again some time today.

[Araceli cade]

I know this is probably irrelevant but how old are you ? , & I don’t know who does this to us but I hate that they had to die a part of me will always be gone forever, I just can’t imagine my life without a father. It’s hard

[JasonA30]

I am 31. I feel the same that I might not ever be the same when my mom passed a part of me left too. My mom was my best friend, the person I went to for everything. Life has been really hard the last few months. I totally understand what you're feeling. I try though to remember the good times, all the happy memories I have with my mom some days I can think back and smile about all the good times, some days I can't help but cry. Do you have any family or friends you feel comfortable talking to?

[Araceli cade]

I do my it’s hard talking to them, cuz I don’t like crying in front of people. 

[JasonA30]

I can relate to that it's hard for me to cry in front of people. I probably hadn't cried in front of my dad since I was a little kid, then mom passed and the first month I kept everything inside and felt very alone, eventually it got to be too much and I went and talked to my dad and sister told them I wasn't okay, I am really hurting emotionally, and cried hard in front of them. They comforted me and I felt some relief opening up to them and helped me realize it's okay to cry and that family/friends are there for you, it's a very hard traumatic thing to go through. I think your family will do the same when you're ready to talk.

[Lost now]

12 hours ago, JasonA30 said:

Good morning Ishita

Thanks, I really enjoy hearing from you too. It sure is ok to cry, I did feel better after.

Awww that's sweet I am glad you were able to help your dad get those shirts made and it made him really happy. I think your dad will open up the more you try.

Yes, true I feel lucky to have my dad and sister, and I am glad you have your dad and sister too! I was so dumb I felt like as a guy I had to be tough and not cry or show emotion so that first month I kept everything to myself, but when I opened up my dad and sister both gave me big hugs and let me know they were here for me. I am glad you have a healthy support system around you too. I know if I didn't have mine I'd be even more depressed than I am, probably laying in bed all day everyday.

Oh that's nice it's always nice to share a meal with people even if it's just a simple meal. Nothing fancy either just some chicken but was good.

Dogs really are the best. Bailey always knows what I need as I know Fred and Ralph know what you need, whether we need some loving or need to play and have fun. I understand missing them it's so tough being away from our pups. Whenever I go on vacation and can't take Bailey I always miss her so much.

Glad work wasn't busy, hope the same for today. I start work shortly so we'll see how the day goes.

I hope you have a good day today, I slept okay hope you did too. Talk to you later!

Jason

Hi Jason,

Hope you had a light work day. It was ok for me. Had some meetings. I don't talk much in the meetings these days. It hurts to talk Abt non work stuff so I usually don't participate when people talk about random stuff. People who don't know me might think I am not a friendly person but it's ok. Right now I will do what will help me heal. As long as I am not rude to anyone it's ok.

Yes, I'm happy you opened up to your dad and sister. I hate when they say guys shouldn't cry and should be emotionally strong. It's not healthy to suppress emotions. And you will be able to help your dad and sister only when you can talk to them about how you feel. They are not going to judge you. You have a very special bond with your mom and it's expected to be heartbroken.

How is the weather today? It's raining here. I am going to cook again tonight. It's funny how I am so easily doing it now but back in Seattle I was struggling to cook. Maybe it's easier because of dad. 

Did you and Bailey go out for walk today? 

Hoping to hear back from you tonight. If not, you sleep well and we will catch up tomorrow.

Hugs.

Ishita

 

13 hours ago, Araceli cade said:

Hey you guys I’m Araceli Im 17 years old and I just wanna say if there’s anyone out here who understands what I’m going thru recently my dad got murdered about a month ago and every day is harder and worse for me, I dropped out of school and getting my ged because I can’t think about anything anymore besides him it’s so hard I don’t even wanna live anymore I can’t handle this pain.

Hi, I am so sorry for your loss. It's so heartbreaking. Do you have any family members or friends you can talk to?

Please consider therapy too. They don't make you forget your loved ones. Instead they make you talk more about them. Its helping me a lot. I would definitely recommend it.

Talk to people on this group. Everyone is going through something similar and will understand. Please don't do any self harm..I have had thoughts about that but I fell myself that my mom made me so I can't disrespect her by hurting myself.

Take care. 

[JasonA30]

16 minutes ago, Lost now said:

Hi Jason,

Hope you had a light work day. It was ok for me. Had some meetings. I don't talk much in the meetings these days. It hurts to talk Abt non work stuff so I usually don't participate when people talk about random stuff. People who don't know me might think I am not a friendly person but it's ok. Right now I will do what will help me heal. As long as I am not rude to anyone it's ok.

Yes, I'm happy you opened up to your dad and sister. I hate when they say guys shouldn't cry and should be emotionally strong. It's not healthy to suppress emotions. And you will be able to help your dad and sister only when you can talk to them about how you feel. They are not going to judge you. You have a very special bond with your mom and it's expected to be heartbroken.

How is the weather today? It's raining here. I am going to cook again tonight. It's funny how I am so easily doing it now but back in Seattle I was struggling to cook. Maybe it's easier because of dad. 

Did you and Bailey go out for walk today? 

Hoping to hear back from you tonight. If not, you sleep well and we will catch up tomorrow.

Hugs.

Ishita

Good evening Ishita,

Work here was kind of busy in the morning but lightened it up thankfully as the day went on. My day was ok too overall. I am happy you had an ok day, but yeah meetings never fun. I can understand that, I don't feel like talking especially concerning work. I think it's the pain inside from losing our moms. Absolutely we have to do what we feel is best for us, as long as you're getting your work done and not being rude I think it's ok too.

Yes I hate that too about how guys shouldn't cry and need to be strong and crying is weak! And that's how I felt the first month, I felt I had to be strong for my sister, niece, dad, everyone and that I shouldn't cry and I felt very alone because of it, but I know I was only making the pain inside me worse. I am glad I was able to open up too, you're right family won't judge and they are there for us. I wish I had opened up sooner. I can tell you have a very good relationship with your sister and your dad, and that makes me very happy for you. I am glad you can all be together right now. It's easier to heal with people than it is alone, I always feel better around others I am close with.

Weather here was sunny and fairly mild, yes Bailey and I went for a little walk it was nice :-) Supposed to turn rainy here tomorrow though. Any updates on Ralph and Fred from your friend? Hope they're adjusting ok.

Sorry to hear it's raining there, hopefully a sunny day tomorrow for you. Yay! I am glad to hear you're cooking again tonight. Sounds like being with your dad and sister is doing a lot of good for you too. How is your dad today?

Thank you, and if you see this and I don't get back on hope you sleep well tonight and I'll talk to you tomorrow

Hugs

Jason

 

[Lost now]

1 hour ago, JasonA30 said:

Good evening Ishita,

Work here was kind of busy in the morning but lightened it up thankfully as the day went on. My day was ok too overall. I am happy you had an ok day, but yeah meetings never fun. I can understand that, I don't feel like talking especially concerning work. I think it's the pain inside from losing our moms. Absolutely we have to do what we feel is best for us, as long as you're getting your work done and not being rude I think it's ok too.

Yes I hate that too about how guys shouldn't cry and need to be strong and crying is weak! And that's how I felt the first month, I felt I had to be strong for my sister, niece, dad, everyone and that I shouldn't cry and I felt very alone because of it, but I know I was only making the pain inside me worse. I am glad I was able to open up too, you're right family won't judge and they are there for us. I wish I had opened up sooner. I can tell you have a very good relationship with your sister and your dad, and that makes me very happy for you. I am glad you can all be together right now. It's easier to heal with people than it is alone, I always feel better around others I am close with.

Weather here was sunny and fairly mild, yes Bailey and I went for a little walk it was nice :-) Supposed to turn rainy here tomorrow though. Any updates on Ralph and Fred from your friend? Hope they're adjusting ok.

Sorry to hear it's raining there, hopefully a sunny day tomorrow for you. Yay! I am glad to hear you're cooking again tonight. Sounds like being with your dad and sister is doing a lot of good for you too. How is your dad today?

Thank you, and if you see this and I don't get back on hope you sleep well tonight and I'll talk to you tomorrow

Hugs

Jason

 

Hi there,

Both of us have great family support, our dogs and we have each other to talk to here. I know the one person we need the most is not here and it hurts but I am glad we have people to talk to without any filters.

Dad is ok. He cried a couple of times today but doesn't share much. He sits at the window and looks outside almost all day. Cooking is the only thing he does which makes him feel better. It's a tough journey ahead. We don't know how to live without mom. 

Does your dad cook? How is he managing it? 

I'm glad you and Bailey had a nice walk. I'm sure she looks forward to it. Ralph and Fred are doing well. They were playing a lot today and that makes me happy.

It's pretty late for you so I will talk to you tomorrow. Take care!

Ishita

 

[Julie K]

Hi, I lost my mom on January 9, 2022. She died of alcoholic cirrhosis. It was extremely unexpected, I had pre grief, lost my appetite days before she passed. She just kept getting worse and worse. She was 59. I had my 21st birthday on Valentine’s Day, and she wasn’t even there   I’m not mad at her, I don’t think she knew she was going to die when she went into the hospital. I don’t feel like I’m properly grieving. I know there’s no right way, and everyone grieves differently, but her death hasn’t hit me yet and it’s been almost 3 months. I’ve been meaning to call a counselor I have a number for, but I work 40+ hours a week and normally don’t have time. She was my best friend. Everything reminds me of her. I feel numb all the time. I don’t know what’s wrong with me :( feel like my brother and dad don’t think I care. I know they don’t think that, but I can’t help but feel that way. I do care though. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her. I miss her so much, and want to feel something. I have my moments where I look back at pictures, or re read text messages and what not, but other than that, I’m numb. I want to FEEL like I’m grieving because it doesn’t feel like it. 

[JasonA30]

8 hours ago, Lost now said:

Hi there,

Both of us have great family support, our dogs and we have each other to talk to here. I know the one person we need the most is not here and it hurts but I am glad we have people to talk to without any filters.

Dad is ok. He cried a couple of times today but doesn't share much. He sits at the window and looks outside almost all day. Cooking is the only thing he does which makes him feel better. It's a tough journey ahead. We don't know how to live without mom. 

Does your dad cook? How is he managing it? 

I'm glad you and Bailey had a nice walk. I'm sure she looks forward to it. Ralph and Fred are doing well. They were playing a lot today and that makes me happy.

It's pretty late for you so I will talk to you tomorrow. Take care!

Ishita

 

Good morning Ishita

How are you today?

Very true our moms who we need the most might not be here and it hurts a lot, but we both have very loving families. I don't know where I'd be without my family and Bailey.

I think it might be the guy thing that makes it hard to talk. Glad he's comfortable with crying, it always feels good to do so. I think in time he'll talk and share what he's feeling when he's ready. Just keep trying a little each day. I'd say let him keep cooking then I bet he makes some delicious meals. What did you make last night? I know I still don't really know how to live without mom. I wish I could call her so bad, wish I could go see her but I am trying my best, and I know you are too and that's all we can do is do our best.

Dad is learning to cook more now that's for sure. He seems to be doing okay, he has diabetes and he's keeping it under control so seems he's eating right and taking care of himself.

I am happy to hear Ralph and Fred are doing well and playing, dogs are pretty good at adapting.

Hope you slept well and have a good day today, look foward to hearing from you :-) Hugs

Jason

[JasonA30]

4 hours ago, Julie K said:

Hi, I lost my mom on January 9, 2022. She died of alcoholic cirrhosis. It was extremely unexpected, I had pre grief, lost my appetite days before she passed. She just kept getting worse and worse. She was 59. I had my 21st birthday on Valentine’s Day, and she wasn’t even there   I’m not mad at her, I don’t think she knew she was going to die when she went into the hospital. I don’t feel like I’m properly grieving. I know there’s no right way, and everyone grieves differently, but her death hasn’t hit me yet and it’s been almost 3 months. I’ve been meaning to call a counselor I have a number for, but I work 40+ hours a week and normally don’t have time. She was my best friend. Everything reminds me of her. I feel numb all the time. I don’t know what’s wrong with me :( feel like my brother and dad don’t think I care. I know they don’t think that, but I can’t help but feel that way. I do care though. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about her. I miss her so much, and want to feel something. I have my moments where I look back at pictures, or re read text messages and what not, but other than that, I’m numb. I want to FEEL like I’m grieving because it doesn’t feel like it. 

Hi Julie, I am really sorry to hear about your loss. It is extremely tough to go through. It is the hardest thing I've ever gone through, like you, my mom was my best friend too. I love everyone in my family, but mom was who I was closest to. I am coming up on 4 months since losing my mom and I am still depressed and struggling to carry on with life. I completely relate to and understand how you're feeling. There's nothing wrong with you, it's ok to feel how you are feeling. I think about my mom everyday too, I go on her Facebook and look at pictures, I still have text messages I read and voice mails from her I listen too. It always makes me cry, but that's all I have left of her. Losing our best friend is very painful. My dad and especially my sister seem to be handling it better than me which sometimes makes me feel weird to still be struggling, but I've learned we all grieve differently and that's ok. Your dad and brother definitely know you care. Please don't hesitate to talk on here, we're all here for each other.

[Lost now]

5 hours ago, JasonA30 said:

Good morning Ishita

How are you today?

Very true our moms who we need the most might not be here and it hurts a lot, but we both have very loving families. I don't know where I'd be without my family and Bailey.

I think it might be the guy thing that makes it hard to talk. Glad he's comfortable with crying, it always feels good to do so. I think in time he'll talk and share what he's feeling when he's ready. Just keep trying a little each day. I'd say let him keep cooking then I bet he makes some delicious meals. What did you make last night? I know I still don't really know how to live without mom. I wish I could call her so bad, wish I could go see her but I am trying my best, and I know you are too and that's all we can do is do our best.

Dad is learning to cook more now that's for sure. He seems to be doing okay, he has diabetes and he's keeping it under control so seems he's eating right and taking care of himself.

I am happy to hear Ralph and Fred are doing well and playing, dogs are pretty good at adapting.

Hope you slept well and have a good day today, look foward to hearing from you :-) Hugs

Jason

Hi Jason,

I am ok today. Woke up with anxiety and my heart racing. But feeling better with time. Did you sleep well? I just played with my sister's dogs. They are big. It helped me feel better too.

My dad was up most of the night and he is also not doing great this morning. He doesn't like to talk and doesn't like sympathy so hugging him and talking to him at that time doesn't work. I just don't know how to help him. Yesterday he said he won't survive for longer. He is very dependent on my mom. He has several health issues so I am a bit concerned.

I am glad your dad is taking good care of his health. My dad has diabetes too so I know how important it is to follow a strict diet. 

Are you planning to go meet him this weekend? I am sure you will take Bailey with you which he will like.

Last night we made some fried rice and had salad on the side.

How is your work schedule today? I have several meetings. Dreading it.

Hope to hear back from you soon.

Take care.

Ishita

 

[JasonA30]

11 minutes ago, Lost now said:

Hi Jason,

I am ok today. Woke up with anxiety and my heart racing. But feeling better with time. Did you sleep well? I just played with my sister's dogs. They are big. It helped me feel better too.

My dad was up most of the night and he is also not doing great this morning. He doesn't like to talk and doesn't like sympathy so hugging him and talking to him at that time doesn't work. I just don't know how to help him. Yesterday he said he won't survive for longer. He is very dependent on my mom. He has several health issues so I am a bit concerned.

I am glad your dad is taking good care of his health. My dad has diabetes too so I know how important it is to follow a strict diet. 

Are you planning to go meet him this weekend? I am sure you will take Bailey with you which he will like.

Last night we made some fried rice and had salad on the side.

How is your work schedule today? I have several meetings. Dreading it.

Hope to hear back from you soon.

Take care.

Ishita

 

Hi Ishita

Oh no sorry you woke up like that, I hate those mornings. Glad you're feeling some better now, so glad your sister has dogs to play with and keep your spirits up. I know you said they were big but what kind of dogs does your sister have? I slept okay, but it's a rainy dreary day here so kinda depressing but I am okay.

I am so sorry your dad is really struggling and hurting. I wish there was something better I could say to you to get him to talk and open up I know it would help him so much to do so. I am really sorry he feels that way. I definitely feel for him and your family, and I can relate to worrying about his health issues. Any talk of him staying here permanently or will he definitely have to go back in a few months? I think it would be best if he stays here, but I don't know how that all works.

My dad is keeping up with his diabetes, but he is a smoker has been most of his adult life so he's not completely healthy either. I always worry about that with him especially now that he's alone most of the time. He's tried to quit a couple of times but always went back to it, wish he would give it up for good.

Yeah, my sister actually got my niece a new puppy a Golden Retriever so she's bringing the new pup to my dad's Saturday and I am going over too to see the new dog and be with them for awhile.

Mhmm that sounds good. Any dinner plans yet or haven't thought about it yet?

My work has been light this morning, crossing my fingers it stays that way. Ahh more meetings today hugs I'll be thinking of you hopefully they're not too stressful.

I'll be back on later probably, it's noon here now on a little work break. Talk to you later today most likely

Take care

Jason

 

[Lost now]

1 hour ago, JasonA30 said:

Hi Ishita

Oh no sorry you woke up like that, I hate those mornings. Glad you're feeling some better now, so glad your sister has dogs to play with and keep your spirits up. I know you said they were big but what kind of dogs does your sister have? I slept okay, but it's a rainy dreary day here so kinda depressing but I am okay.

I am so sorry your dad is really struggling and hurting. I wish there was something better I could say to you to get him to talk and open up I know it would help him so much to do so. I am really sorry he feels that way. I definitely feel for him and your family, and I can relate to worrying about his health issues. Any talk of him staying here permanently or will he definitely have to go back in a few months? I think it would be best if he stays here, but I don't know how that all works.

My dad is keeping up with his diabetes, but he is a smoker has been most of his adult life so he's not completely healthy either. I always worry about that with him especially now that he's alone most of the time. He's tried to quit a couple of times but always went back to it, wish he would give it up for good.

Yeah, my sister actually got my niece a new puppy a Golden Retriever so she's bringing the new pup to my dad's Saturday and I am going over too to see the new dog and be with them for awhile.

Mhmm that sounds good. Any dinner plans yet or haven't thought about it yet?

My work has been light this morning, crossing my fingers it stays that way. Ahh more meetings today hugs I'll be thinking of you hopefully they're not too stressful.

I'll be back on later probably, it's noon here now on a little work break. Talk to you later today most likely

Take care

Jason

 

Hey 

So nice to hear from you as always. I am feeling better now. My sister has one German Shepherd and one Collie hound mix. They are amazing to cuddle with. 

I am sorry it's a depressing day for you. I hope the sun comes out and you start feeling better. It's sunny here. I wish I could send some sunshine your way. Try to not think about the weather and play with Bailey. 

Yeah, smoking is really hard to give up. I have heard it's not easy. I know he would like to but finding it difficult. You are a good son. You are concerned for him. And I know he knows that too. 

Yes, my dad has to go back in a few months. Eventually we will be able to apply for his green card but that will take years. My sister is moving to Canada by the end of this year so I am hoping he can stay 6 months there and 6 months with me. We will see. There is nothing left in India for him. He never had many friends. Mom was the popular one and dad was/is very reserved.

Golden retriever puppies are the cutest. I love them. That should be fun. Let me know how it goes. So I'm guessing Bailey won't go? Or is she friendly with other dogs and puppies?

We haven't made any dinner plans yet but my sister was going to cook something today and dad was going to help. I guess I will help with cleaning.

Hope your work tasks are going on track. 

Talk to you soon! 

Ishita

 

[JasonA30]

3 hours ago, Lost now said:

Hey 

So nice to hear from you as always. I am feeling better now. My sister has one German Shepherd and one Collie hound mix. They are amazing to cuddle with. 

I am sorry it's a depressing day for you. I hope the sun comes out and you start feeling better. It's sunny here. I wish I could send some sunshine your way. Try to not think about the weather and play with Bailey. 

Yeah, smoking is really hard to give up. I have heard it's not easy. I know he would like to but finding it difficult. You are a good son. You are concerned for him. And I know he knows that too. 

Yes, my dad has to go back in a few months. Eventually we will be able to apply for his green card but that will take years. My sister is moving to Canada by the end of this year so I am hoping he can stay 6 months there and 6 months with me. We will see. There is nothing left in India for him. He never had many friends. Mom was the popular one and dad was/is very reserved.

Golden retriever puppies are the cutest. I love them. That should be fun. Let me know how it goes. So I'm guessing Bailey won't go? Or is she friendly with other dogs and puppies?

We haven't made any dinner plans yet but my sister was going to cook something today and dad was going to help. I guess I will help with cleaning.

Hope your work tasks are going on track. 

Talk to you soon! 

Ishita

 

Good afternoon/evening Ishita

Aww thanks I am always happy to hear from you too :-) I am glad you're feeling better, hope you're still feeling better when you read this. Oh nice I like German Shepherds and the different Collie mixes. I bet they are great to cuddle with! Again I am really glad your sister has two amazing dogs for you and your dad to be around.

Oh wow it can take years to get a green card? I didn't know it was such a long process, probably longer these days with Covid. Yeah that would be great if he could go to Canada when your sister moves there, that way he'll spend a whole year with your sister and you can more easily visit them in Canada compared to traveling the whole way to India. Our parents are really similar. My mom was the outgoing one who had lots of friends who she regularly spent time with, my dad has work friends but he doesn't really spend time with them outside of work and I wish he would especially now that mom isn't here.

Yeah my sister has been sending me pictures it's a cute one that's for sure. I definitely will. I am planning to take Bailey she's usually good around other dogs and as my sister and I see each other regularly we want and hope the dogs will get along.

Let me know what you guys end up eating tonight. I just had a hamburger and a salad on the side basic but good.

Work picked up a bit this afternoon but nothing too crazy. How were your meetings today?

Talk to you soon I'll prob check back before bed, but if not hope you sleep well tonight.

Jason