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When i start to fall asleep, since my Father died, i have the terrifying thought that i am about to enter blackness. extinction. nothingness. I think that is where my Father is--or more accurately, is not; and i think that is why this grief over his death is ripping me apart. I believe in God; but i don't feel His presence like in the past before he died. i have not, in fact, since the day he died nearly three years ago. this is most assuredly the dark pit and it is horrifying. thank you for listening. TLN.

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