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Since the death of my Father in May of 2018, or MAYDAY as I call it, this is how I imagine my heart. torn asunder by grief. i have come to call it death-star-heart. as this image from Star Wars of the Death Star, this grief has ripped my heart in half. something about this image resonates with how i feel. God doesn't answer when I cry out, just a maddening silence. It is as though He died on that day in May. my Father is gone. and every thought i have of him, which is to say every thought; every one is an arrow in my already hollow, jagged heart. i worshipped my Father. More people hated him than loved him; but to me he was everything and I never understood why he was so disliked. They have moved on. i have not. they say i should be over it by now. let it go. He's dead. Move on. How, when all is loneliness without him? Darkness. yes, i understand it. Thick black darkness. I feel it. i have got to hope it doesn't last forever. Dying is tempting; but I refuse. Keep going... that is all i know to do. thank you for listening. TLN.


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