loss of best friend

[foreverhis]

10 hours ago, Larissa said:

I have moved my comments

Larissa, I know you did not mean to be insensitive.  You are going through a hell of your own and are in all kinds of pain.  I am so sorry that your life has turned upside down.  Truly, my heart hurts for you.  I am hoping that the members on the (I think) two forums for loss of relationships and loss through divorce will be able to help you.  At a minimum, I am certain that they will be able to relate in ways that many, if not most of us, cannot.

I wish you all the best in the world and hope very much that you are able to pick up some of the shattered pieces of your life so you can find your way forward to a better tomorrow.

[foreverhis]

13 hours ago, peach_2003 said:

Animals loved my husband too and he loved them.  ...  our cat loved him he used to kiss my husbands head

Same here.  Animals must have sensed my husband's kind, caring soul.  Our own pets adored him (and they loved me very much too).  No matter where we went or who visited us, whenever we were around friends and family members pets, they would be all over him.  Wanting to climb on his lap, be petted, play with him, and even sleep with us.  Many was the night when we'd be staying at someone's home and there would be a small furry body in the bed sleeping with my husband.

I was the one who wanted a cat.  He had grown up with his mom's aloof and irritating Siamese.  I had had a rescue tabby mix who was super loving and fun, so my feelings about cats were quite different from his.  I said I'd do the litter box, feeding, grooming, etc. and he finally consented.  Yeah, it took all of 2 days for "our" kitten to become bonded with him.  She slept next to or on him every night.  Sometimes she'd wrap herself around his head and sleep like that.  Other times, she'd snuggle next to him and push her back paws onto my side so she could be touching both of us.  When we went camping, she would actually climb under the covers, put her head next to his on the pillow and sleep like that all night.  Camping was also the time that our wonderful Keeshond was allowed on the bed.  I think I ended up with a sleeping space of about 1 ft by 4 ft because our Kees adored me and loved to curl up behind my legs.  He was so protective of the whole family.  (Yes, we took the cat camping.  We trained her on a harness and leash starting at about 6 months.  She had her own nice travel kennel--not the one we used to go to the vet--with all her special travel things in it.  She loved adventuring.)

Animals know who they can trust.  They just sense it, I'm convinced of this.

[Missy1]

Love that story. Our cats loved him more. Babies were also drawn to him as well. They must sense a good soul, an angel on earth. 
I absolutely believe that Animals sense good or bad people. 

[peach_2003]

I believe animals sense the good in people. He used to love feeding the ducks at the park. he loved to feed the ducks

[peach_2003]

I am so sad today I cant stop crying and I feel like I want to throw up knowing that he will never come home to me. I just want to die so I can be with him

[Larissa]

I completely understand and I know exactly how you feel and I’m sorry.

its no way to live feeling so sad. No one should have to experience what we go through on a second by second basis 

[Missy1]

I really dislike myself when I post negatively but I have to tell you I find no joy in living I get up I check the boxes and function. Life hurts it’s very painful I find no reason for existing, my heart is gone I wish I was dead every day.
I can’t do it because I’m trying hard to power through this life, honor him, maybe this is a test. What about the people we would  leave behind? They would feel the way we feel, would be inflicting pain, it’s a horrible thing to do to anybody. 

[peach_2003]

I wouldn't want to hurt his parents or anyone else in the family I just pray that I will die so I can be with him again

[Larissa]

Yes

i think about that same thing constantly

just being with him 

but I don’t know how it works

[Larissa]

Are you able to work or do basic things?

 

i know I can’t 

[peach_2003]

yes and no I am not working right now do to many things, but I haven't cleaned the house I cant I can keep myself clean but I haven't bothered cleaning or organizing anything its just too difficult 

[Larissa]

Boy am I in the same boat 

the complete same boat

for some reason all I can do is eat which seems counter intuitive but I think for me it’s the only way to reassure myself that I am still alive because the rest of me ,basically my soul, is not alive anymore

its so hard to shower or change clothes

everything is completely difficult for me

life went from happy and easy to miserable and difficult very quickly 

[peach_2003]

I eat but barely and I do change and I do laundry but that's about it and I barley sleep

[Larissa]

Yes

sleeping is impossible and when I do I get nightmares 

 

[peach_2003]

I don't dream at all 

[Larissa]

Did he have a song for you or a movie?

[peach_2003]

He loved all types of movies so we didn't have a movie that was just ours, Our song was amazed by Lonestar yet he did say before that had we met later our song would have been all of me by john legend he said that it suited us better which I do agree with the last movie we went to see was sonic the hedgehog I still have my movie ticket I stuck in on our bedroom mirror.

[Larissa]

Are you able to function at all during the day or night?

 

i know I’m not. I can’t even take the dogs on a walk. It takes every once of anything I have to do that.

[peach_2003]

I am okay until I start thinking about my husband and all the plans we had ( and its hard not think of him I am always thinking of him) then I start crying and want to throw up

[Larissa]

Yes. I understand. There is never not a time that I’m not thinking of all That was supposed to be in store for us. My body remembers him even more than my head meaning my heart. I’m sure you understand that.

[peach_2003]

All of me remembers him not just my heart

 

[peach_2003]

All of me loves him too

[peach_2003]

todays been extremely hard, it isn't any special day but I can't stop crying and I am just so lonely and I miss my husband so much. No one calls me to see how I am not even his parents who promised my husband that they would look after me. I feel so alone and all I want is my husband back I want to have what we had before. I keep thinking about everything that he is going to miss out on and I am feeling so guilty for taking him off life support when I think that if he could have stayed on the ventilator a little longer and they would have drained his pancreas then he would have lived. I feel sick to my stomach and I just want to die and be with him. Nothing matters to me anymore I hate life and I hate this.

[Larissa]

I understand completely. The shear MISERY you and I go through on a daily basis is too much for anyone. No one or being can tolerate this much loss in their life and especially at very young ages. I always thought I would lose him when I was 80 years old or so but not 42. No one could have expected that. It’s one hundred percent unfair and I am with you on how you are feeling. I HATE every minute of this and I don’t know why I am alive other to experience torture...and take care of my sick dogs who need me. I have no family and only one friend to try and console me but even she does not check on me at all. My parents and sister and aunt are all living but don’t speak to me. And being alone is the worst feeling in the world. I knew it as a small kid because I was alone then and I wanted to never experience that again and now it’s like childhood but a million times worse because at least then I had parents to come home to.

 

did the doctors say he had a chance if life support would have been continued or did they just kind of give up?

[peach_2003]

They wanted to take him of the ventilator to see if he could breath on his own the doctor was hoping if he could it would help jump start his other organs but he didn't make any promises, but his parents wouldn't let me do this or try this treatment they screamed at the doctor to pull him off life support and when the doctor asked me what I wanted I was to scared of his parents to say do what you an to save him. His parents bullied me into taking him off life support. If his dad had his way he would have done this 2 or 3 days prior to this he came into the hospital room and told me to pull him from life support. I said no he kept coming at me and I screamed at him to leave but he wouldn't finally my husbands nurse came in and made him leave the room.  all he had was pancretitis which was caused by gall stones. they should have fixed this as he was perfectly fine up until march 1st he woke up at 1 am saying he had a stomach ache when we went to the hospital he walked in to the hospital him self

[Larissa]

Wow. So traumatic. I can’t believe his parents acted that way. I’m so sorry they were bullies. I’m sorry you had to experience that.  I wish it would have gone a different way. And yes, pancreatitis should be something that doctors can “fix” from what I know.

[peach_2003]

Even nerosis of the pancreas is fixable when you look at things on internet and yes his parents should have been more supportive he would be so disappointed that they weren't. His one friend checks on me daily "usually" when he can which is nice of him and I know that my husband would be impressed that someone who hasn't known me for 17 years and hasn't been apart of ours lives that long has shown more compassion and cares more then his own parents.

[Larissa]

Are you taking any action against the hospital?

 

his friend is so nice indeed. That is so sweet of him to care. 

[peach_2003]

no I am not taking any action against the hospital as I don't think that it would be very helpful. Yes his friend has been great

[Larissa]

Yes I understand that. 

[peach_2003]

I proably would have joined my husband by now if we didn't have our cat to look after

[Larissa]

I hear you loud and clear. I only have my two dogs left as we speak and they are old and sick and dying and there is nothing I can do to help them and it kills me even more so I know how you feel.

 

if there was an easy way I would 

[peach_2003]

My cat is 11 years old this year he is pretty healthy he just misses his daddy so much. just like I miss him. I still wear my wedding rings I can not bare to take them off because if I do it it would feel like a part of me is missing. I have his wedding ring around my neck. I wish that he would come to me in my dreams to let me know that he is okay and he isn't mad at me

[Larissa]

I had my cat till she was 18. 

I will always wear my ring. I am the one that got my dog but he actually liked my husband better than me even though he was always technically “moms boy” but that never stopped him from only being truly happy or content around my husband.

 

you have no dreams with him? I can’t stop dreaming about him. It’s not good for me because I wake up twenty times worse because he is so amazing in my dreams just like he is amazing in real life. I wake up frantic and feeling like I’m in a free fall the whole time. It is true to form. Dreams really do tell the truth.

 

why would he be mad at you? You have t done anything wrong 

[peach_2003]

I haven't dreamt in a long time (not with him in it or any dreams at all) I barely sleep at because its hard to sleep without him. He used to snore very loud I hated it but now I find that I miss it so very much. I think he might be mad at me for not fighting harder for him. for not spending more time with him when I wasn't at work I really regret this now. he knew that I loved him so much with all my heart I just wish love was enough because if it was he would still be here with me

[Dey]

Yes i get you Peach. It's harder to have dream now, since it's hard to have good sleep now. There are so many thing I regret too, like not taking better care of him, or taking more pic/video of us.. but i can't do anything now, he's gone.. this make me mad sometimes, it's so unfair, but life is never fair.. 

[peach_2003]

No dey life is not fair. my husband never hurt a soul in his life never did drugs ( other then his medications) never drank and he gets sick and dies, but my neighbour who drank and does drugs all the time gets cancer and gets better and lives how is this fair?

[Dey]

Exactly.. the good ones gone too soon. Now I'm left with memories, and struggle to keep breathing and move forward.. that's sad reality

[peach_2003]

I know the struggle is very hard the memories too. 

[Missy1]

Maybe God collected the Angels up first. My husband was so kind and good, He will give you the shirt off his back! He helped so many people in his life and he was always willing to give to people in need. 

[peach_2003]

my husband was the same way always helping people in need he was truly a great soul

[Dey]

Oh yes, that's my husband too. He was always the first to help, lend, or give assistance to whomever needed.. 

[peach_2003]

He was the same way with animals he was always helping animals chipmunks ducks and geese

[Larissa]

How are you feeling today? Did you have a better night?

[peach_2003]

I am still very sad today, I didn't dream last night, I asked my sweet husband to come visit me but he didn't I so wanted a visitation dream from him and to know that he is alright

[KayC]

peach, I didn't get any dreams of George until a year after he died and it's very rare I get one, I don't know why.  He's on my mind all the time.  I have gotten "signs" just not in dreams and I can't conjure them up or make them happen when I want.  I pray you'll get some kind of a sign that you will know it's from him.  If he's mad at anyone it'd be his parents, but somehow I don't think they hold grudges in their next life...

[peach_2003]

I don't think they hold grudges either its just the way I feel thinking he might be mad at me. I really just want to know that he is alright and that he still loves me. I would have been fine at least for a bit if he was just still sick but in the hospital improving but he isn't and it breaks my heart. what I don't get is how the doctors kept telling me that he was making baby steps to improvement when it wasn't true

[Larissa]

I’m sure he still has nothing but love and adoration for you like he always did.

[peach_2003]

I am sure he still loves me I just miss hearing it for him

[KayC]

If he knows how you're feeling I'm sure he wishes he could let you know he's okay and since it's timeless on the other side they are able to wait easier.

We see in part, they see the whole.