Sighs and Silence

[GrievingSoul]

There is nothing more painful than seeing the face of the person you love on an obituary. I made the mistake of looking at my love’s picture on his today before I started cooking, and immediately the sadness set in. I just can’t believe this is my life now. I never knew how lonely I was without him. The house feels lifeless without him walking through the doors with his optimistic and spontaneous energy. I just still can’t believe he’s gone. I miss him so much. How I wish I could visit him some days. 

[Jd2019]

I know grieving soul. It hurts me bad. I just posted a pic of my wife. Hard to see her and hard not to see her.

[JES]

@GrievingSoul  Its so hard, I see Kevins obit picture almost daily and he was so happy then and full of life.  I can't look at it for long....I still haven't been able to look through the old photo albums.  I so understand how you feel....and am so sad for all of us.  jd2019 says it perfect, "hard to see her and hard to not see her."  Thinking of you, sending hugs.

[Billie Rae]

@GreivingSoul exactly.I write his name on the papers and it's surreal,that can't be MY Charlie,it just can't be right.
Love
Billie

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[ModKatB]

2 hours ago, GrievingSoul said:

I just can’t believe this is my life now. I never knew how lonely I was without him.

That is a feeling that we all know but in time it becomes easier to handle. It has been over a year for me and I still miss my husband but the memories don't hurt as much as they used to. I am including something I wrote to describe how I felt during those first few months. Now I don't feel quite so lost and I am slowly finding things that make me smile. I hope for all of those on this journey to be able to find peace and to know that one day things can be better.

 

Many times over the years I wondered what life would be like without you.

Now I know and it is only, silence and tears.

Single sets of dishes and only meals for one. No one to ask what's

for dinner tonight, just silence and tears.

Trips to the grocery store and the other things I must do.

Only to return to home to silence and tears.

I don't reach for you at night anymore as I sleep in my single bed.

No waiting for you to join me, only silence and tears.

I am having to learn to live without you.

No more hearing your voice, only silence and tears.

Wondering why I am here and you had to leave me alone.

Trying to figure out this life, of silence and tears.

No joy, no happiness, no desire to even take my next breath.

Nothing to stop the silence and tears.

I would gladly go thru the hard times so you could be by my side.

Anything at all to stop the silence and tears.

Maybe one day my life will be something I don't mind participating in

and not just, silence and tears. KB

 

 

 

[foreverhis]

On 4/9/2019 at 4:34 PM, GrievingSoul said:

 I just still can’t believe he’s gone. I miss him so much.

I didn't have my husband's picture published with his short obituary.  He wouldn't have liked it.  He also wouldn't have liked me to detail all his accomplishments, though he had many, or to ramble on about his life.  Besides, we're always on a budget, obits are expensive in our local newspaper, and he was frugal (though not stingy).

Nevertheless, I sobbed over and over (tearing up now) as I wrote and edited it, sent it to our daughter for input, and then submitted it for publication.  I included that he was taken too soon and deeply missed, along with who he was as a husband, father, grandfather, brother, and friend, and a short list of his traits, including his silly humor and stubborn streak.  Finally, I told my love to "rest lightly."

I cut out the print copy and put it on the fridge.  It's one of the ways I remind myself that this really happened and that he is not going to walk in the door with a grin and say, "I'm home."  So often my life seems surreal as if either then was a dream or this is a nightmare.  Much of the time, I go through the motions of living by putting blinders on my mind.  I hate leaving the house because I have to come home to it, silent and still.  It feels empty and cold.  He was the light and warmth of my life.  I miss him every minute of every day and want to be with him, wherever he is, more than anything.

Here's a little stanza I wrote the other day:

Home

Our home

now a house,

a place to wait

until I come to you

and I am home again.

 

[Fmf]

21 hours ago, Jd2019 said:

Hard to see her and hard not to see her.

@Jd2019 First I am so sorry to have read about the death of your wife and as so many said that you now find yourself here with us. My sympathies also for your children. I also have two daughters, they are 15 &17. I’ve said before as a parent it’s a double grief. We grieve  for our loss and then for their loss.  As far as what I quoted from you - I get this. I was at the college my husband worked at they named a memorial award for him and presented me with the same plaque the student who gets the award will get and it had his picture on it.  As I walked up to receive it I was like “you had to put his picture” and then the tears came.  Up to that point I was fine even while they lovingly spoke of him. It’s something about seeing our loved ones face.  I had actually made his picture my lock screen on my phone. It’s a picture I love but it filled the whole screen and every time I would go on my phone it was like a stab to my heart.  I replaced it with another picture of him but with more scenery so it’s not so “ in my face”. It is completely like you said - Hard To See and then Hard Not To See. I think for me it’s also these images bring memories which are great to have, but then realize you’ll never make anymore with them.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.  

[JES]

@ModKatB  Thankyou for sharing and for giving us alittle hope.  @foreverhis  Thankyou also for sharing.  Your so right about home just being a house now...am so sad for us all.  Thinking of everyone and sending love.