I’m trying to be here

[JES]

@Jd2019  I am glad the kids had a good Easter.  I know mustve been hard day for you.  The loneliness and feeling depressed seems to be a " normal" for us,  it does seem to ease up though as time goes on, though it feels like it takes forever.  I am glad you have been able to keep busy and are remodeling the kids bedrooms first.  Probably helps them to have that to look forward to also.  Keeping busy hopefully will help you too.  I did alot of shoveling last winter and also painted one room and hallway.  At least it makes time go faster then sitting for hours.  Time, unfortunately seems to be the key to us feeling alittle better. Im at 7 months now since I lost my husband, and I have to say,  I have more good days than bad,  not great days, but more accepting that this is the way my life is now...and more used to being alone.  The clothes, etc. can wait as long as you need or forever if you want.  You will know if you are ready...I kept thinking about it for days before I could even do alittle.  Couch sleeping good too,  if thats better for you....whatever makes you feel comfortable.  Thankyou for letting us know how you are doing,  I (we) worry about all of our fellow grievers. Sending love to you and the kids.  Jeanne

[foreverhis]

15 hours ago, Jd2019 said:

I don’t even sleep in there( I sleep on the couch) not scared or nothing just too painful right now.

Totally normal.  I start on the couch every night, often with a heating pad on low for my back.  In the middle of the night, I wake up and stagger (almost literally, but not quite) up to our bed where I try to get a few more hours.  Our couch is comfortable, but I slept on it many, many nights while my hubby was in a hospital bed downstairs.  There was no way I'd be sleeping upstairs.  I needed to be right there, so the couch it was.  Both are tough for me.  I leave the TV on low as a distraction, which helps me get to sleep for some reason.  I've been eyeing his oversize recliner as a possible sleeping spot.  He was tall and had broad shoulders, so it may be big enough for me to "stretch" out on my side.  Heck, I slept (somewhat) in an infusion recliner at the hospital countless nights off and on for 4 months.  At least my love's chair is his, smells like him, and all that.

Sleep itself is elusive for so many reasons that I don't expect to get a good night for the foreseeable future.

[Billie Rae]

I also start on the sofa,tv on low to feel not so alone.Always been a mild insomniac,type a personality,but now I don't sleep more than 2 hours at a Time and get my best sleep at my Saturday afternoon nap,maybe 3 whole hours.I also night wander.Perhaps it's because the one that made us safe and comfortable is no longer here our hearts sense that we are alone.
Love you all

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[SBA]

I'm still sleeping on the couch with the TV on until I get sleepy.  I just can't go to our bed and the thought of sleeping there without him in unbearable.  It has been 10 months tomorrow and I feel like I am on a countdown to the 1 year mark.  I can cry at the slightest memory and I keep expecting that this will get better, but it doesn't seem to be.  I know people when they ask how I am doing expect by now to say I'm OK and mean it but I don't mean it.  I am so lonely without him even though I have my family with grandchildren ballgames to go to and I do it, but I'm just sad.  I know that everyone here is going through some of the same things and like others have said that makes me feel normal, sad for all of you but glad that I'm not crazy.

[KayC]

22 hours ago, Billie Rae said:

Perhaps it's because the one that made us safe and comfortable is no longer here our hearts sense that we are alone.

It's true.  If George was here I would sleep like a baby in his arms.