When Will I Feel Better

[KayC]

WHEN WILL I FEEL BETTER?

At first, we are in shock-it is difficult to think clearly- to imagine that we will ever be able to function. When the reality “hits”, we usually feel more devastated. It just seems that life will forever be like this. Most bereaved, with time and a great deal of effort do get to a better place. They learn to appreciate life and the people in their lives. Living your life again could be a tribute to your loved one. Know that they want you to be happy and at peace again. Many bereaved grow from their experience of grief- they find sharing their grief and reaching out to others help them. EVENTUALLY, life picks up and goes on. The pain subsides and the grief softens. We can laugh, make plans, work, enjoy things and people in our lives, relax, pray……… in other words, become involved in life again. Everyone’s grief journey is different. The length of each one’s journey varies. You may even revisit parts of your grief journey when anniversaries or birthdays occur. There is no way around grief. You can’t go over it, under it or around it. You must go through it. It takes time, but hold on to HOPE and keep trying

To read the rest of the article, go here: https://hopeforbereaved.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/03/HOPElineApril2019.pdf

[GrievingSoul]

Having just lost my love close to two weeks ago, I can’t fathom “getting better.” Grief consumes me night and day. I feel like a zombie throughout the day. Nothing remotely helps the emptiness I feel without him. I just wish I could sleep through this entire process. 

[KayC]

Of course you can't fathom it getting better, that's how I felt too, I figured his death was pretty permanent, it's a long wait until the end of my life and heaven, after all, so I didn't see how it could get any better.  Well it's not "better" as in "well" or "okay", but the intensity of pain lessens to something more bearable as we hone our coping skills and begin to adjust to what this means for our lives.  It takes a good long time to process this, it's so hard hitting!  You are in good company here, I wish we could carry your grief for you for a while to give you a break.

[GrievingSoul]

12 hours ago, KayC said:

You are in good company here, I wish we could carry your grief for you for a while to give you a break.

I can truly say this community have made its’ contribution to helping me cope with the intensity of my grief, and to make me feel like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Sure it still hurts, but the infinite out pouring of love here really makes the grief bearable at its’ most intense moments. I truly appreciate you all here, and I’m just so grateful to have found such an intereactive, caring group of people that is on this God forsaken journey with me. 

[Fmf]

@KayC I have read and reread this post numerous times, I even printed it out.  I think you said much of what I feel.  Although I am only at the beginning of my grief journey ( its a little past 2 months on the death of my dad and husband) I really do believe that living my life is a tribute to these men I love and who loved me unconditionally.  When they first died so quickly and so close together it really was unimaginable but I find comfort in the thought that they are together. Even though I may cry every day on my hour commute to and from work, I am living my life and making plans and most importantly laughing.  I think these are important things that we need to remember its OK for us to do.  A week after the double funeral I went to my best friends 50th Birthday party - some were like Oh your going.  Well why the hell shouldn't I have gone.  Their lives may have been ended to soon and too suddenly but mine has not.  I carry them in my heart everyday often speaking to them and thinking of what they would have said in a certain situation.  So while I don't know if I'll ever feel "better" I think I'd say I'll feel different.  My life is different without them here, but my life was also so blessed to have had the time I did with them both.    

[KayC]

1 hour ago, Fmf said:

Even though I may cry every day on my hour commute to and from work, I am living my life and making plans and most importantly laughing.  I think these are important things that we need to remember its OK for us to do.

I remember doing that, I commuted 100 miles/day to/from work.  I remember even having to pull over because my tears began to blur my vision.  But it IS also good for us to smile or laugh and for that to begin to occur more frequently.  We miss them, we love them, but we also have to find a way to live even though we're grieving.  For myself the memories of all that we lived and loved and shared has progressively began to bring a smile rather than just the tears.  Both are okay.

 

1 hour ago, Fmf said:

I think you said much of what I feel. 

What I wrote is a quote from the article, I'd love to take credit for it but they aren't my words...they ARE however, my feelings.

[KayC]

10 hours ago, GrievingSoul said:

I can truly say this community have made its’ contribution to helping me cope with the intensity of my grief, and to make me feel like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel. Sure it still hurts, but the infinite out pouring of love here really makes the grief bearable at its’ most intense moments. I truly appreciate you all here, and I’m just so grateful to have found such an intereactive, caring group of people that is on this God forsaken journey with me. 

I'm glad we all found this place!  It DOES help to not go through this alone.  Even though we are miles apart, we know there's someone else living and breathing that gets it and is going through this journey also.

[SSC]

@KayC perfectly said, thank you Kay

[Billie Rae]

[mention=405375]KayC[/mention] perfectly said, thank you Kay

Our love Kayc is most always on point with how I feel or how I wish to be.Its so comforting to me to hear from someone 14 years in my future.
And of course I love you all

Sent from my LG-TP260 using Grieving.com mobile app

[ModKatB]

2 hours ago, KayC said:

But it IS also good for us to smile or laugh and for that to begin to occur more frequently.  We miss them, we love them, but we also have to find a way to live even though we're grieving.  For myself the memories of all that we lived and loved and shared has progressively began to bring a smile rather than just the tears.  Both are okay.

I had posted something similar in another thread last month.

THE MEMORIES THAT BRING PAIN AND TEARS TODAY, WILL ONE DAY BE THE MEMORIES THAT BRING HAPPINESS AND SMILES.

I hope that being able to read things from those of us who are further along in this journey will give hope to those who are just beginning. As I have said many times in the past, there is no timetable for grief and there is no correct way to grieve. We just have to get from one day to the next and hold on to the hope that somewhere down the road things can change for the better.

[KayC]

@ModKatB  I've noticed I can no longer leave you a "heart" and wish I could do so, you are spot on and I always appreciate your input.  I wish to leave this two fold message for those newer on this journey, 1) I understand where you are at, how painful this is, and 2) I want you to see the hope that the intensity lessens further on down the road and the memories that bring anguish today will give you comfort and a smile further on out.  I didn't know that at the beginning of my journey because the site was fairly new and there was no one further down the road to point that out, I think it would have helped me to know that the pain doesn't stay in this intensity forever, we couldn't handle that.  We will always love and miss them but we gradually adjust as we hone our coping skills...it also helps to know that what we are experiencing is "normal" for grief.