It’s been 4 months and nine days since my father passed and I joined this in about 2 months ago and I just found out that this was here. So I figured hey, why not give this a try, express all my feelings and maybe there are people going through the same thing I am that could relate. So, like I said, it’s been 4 months and nine days since he passed and my grieving process has practically just started. My mother was the only one that raised me so I’ve only had her and I’ve been her rock, and when she found out my father died, she immediately had started grieving so I pushed my feelings aside so I could help her. She was doing really well until she lost her job and she just felt no hope. A couple weeks after that we lost our apartment and she decided that she had to do something, and I’m proud of her. But now that she’s done grieving, she’s been having to tell people that my father died. And whenever she mentions his death or even his name, my stomach just drops, I feel sick, and I don’t want to hear it. I'm also studying to be a psychologist, in the worst time of my life, so I know that this is denial.

When my father was first diagnosed with his tumor I was mad at him, for no reason. Then slowly, I started to push my friends and my boyfriend away and wished that I had none of them. Then when my father died, the wish eventually came true, one by one my friends disappeared, I broke up with my boyfriend and even my best friend that I’ve known since 7th grade doesn’t talk to me anymore. And since I’m in online school, I barely ever go outside, which doesn’t give me a chance to make new friends. So I’m on my own, well I also have my mom so I’m not entirely alone, but she’s starting a new job soon so I’m going to be at the house alone.