Loss of an Adult Child

[ericasmom]

Wayne I sure wish that we could do more to hold you up at this very devastating time...but here we are nevertheless, holding you in our thoughts, prayers, hopes that you find your way to morning and then onward through the day. I know how long the days may seem when you are in this earliest times of grief...how long the nights as well. We have walked in those same shoes in our very many ways...

Erica died 12.5 years ago. As Sherry said, our children left this plane within a month of one another in 2003. We stay in order to reach out a hand to new parents to this site, to let you know that it will not always be as it is today and to hang on. Hang on. Your Boy, our Kids wish us to find ways to live in their light, to stand where they no longer can. Come here and read and write and tell us more about Logan if you are able. Tell us who he is and how he lived his life, when you are ready.

 

Dianne, I love your music story. I love that you were able to share the experience and that it happened more than once. I love that Michael found a way to let you know that he is nearby, never far, always loving you.

 

Becky, so glad that you are doing better health wise.

 

Sherry, your Mom is 96, how amazing. I am glad that she was in good spirits and that you were able to share in the day with she and your Daughter Grandboy.

 

Laurie, it is draining I know to have to keep going to court. One day you will be able to put that part of this trip, behind you.

 

 

 

[Mermaid Tears]

Wayne....right now....all I can give you is my heart full of sympathy....you will hear that word a lot in the days ahead....but I will offer another word for you is....understanding....and yes....your anger is normal.....my husband had enough anger for me and him.....but...for some reason....I never had 'his' anger.....I think it can be more of a Dad anger....

 

Mother's want to heal a problem...

A Dad wants to fix the problem....

 

My husband could not fix the problem...and there was the anger....

for now...take care of the take care....if you are the one to take care of 'it all'....you will....I think I was given some kind of supernatural strength to take care of it all....

we all come from different backgrounds...different countries...all over the world....but we have one thing in common...is that we all walk this grief journey....I am so....so....sorry....and yes...we do know the ties that bind with your boy....

this is not an easy journey....but we will be here to hear you...

[Mermaid Tears]

Laurie...I remember the swans songs....

 

was it last year or the year before....when I was at the computer....around 3 in the morning....and I heard a whistle...it seemed to come from behind me...but from the living room....it was distinct...and it completely froze me....

 

about  a month ago.....I was at the computer....early morning....and I heard the whistle again...right behind me....two days later.....I felt like someone ran their thumb down my back...not hard...just very faint....

 

I was putting clothes up after I folded them....I stepped into our bedroom...and there was this fragrance...sweet...clean...citrus...exploding gently around me....I looked around....I stepped into the bedroom...(I was at the doorway)...and could not smell it.....I stepped into the hall way...could not smell it....only when I was one step in the bedroom...it did not last long....but I will never forget how it exploded on me so gently....never ...ever have I smelled that fragrance in my life time...I have never had that experience....

 

last Spring....I was at the apartments with Daniel...and it came to me that our Crepe Myrtles had not been pruned since we lost John David....I was near one....and remembered that John David was the only one that pruned them with Daniel...because he was the one that knew just where to make the cut....this 'mist' came....not like one of the showers that come from a lone cloud in the sky....but a 'mist'....if I moved right or left...I could not feel it...it was so soft and gentle and only lasted about a minute...but I felt it....it encompassed me....like a warm cloud would feel....so unique while I held that memory...I wonder if I imagined it...because it felt so real...but only lasted about a minute...

 

in the garage....a paint can lid will pop.....there is no massive temp changes....

 

when Pibby was going out for cheerleader....and I walked into the house...I remembered a letter where he wrote about it...I posted that....

 

the music that seems to have certain songs....that come on....

 

I have felt his presence....but here lately....it seems as if he is not as close...I do feel that....has he moved on....has he reincarnated...?? I have to be truthful on this site.....and it seems as if he is not that 'close' now...has anyone felt that before....??

[flocicero]

Wayne, I am so very sorry for the tragic loss of your precious son.....I remember those first days...you are in shock even if it may not feel like it.....I was walking in a daze & didn't realize it......when I found this site, I was finally able to express myself .....we understand your pain, the disbelief.....all we can do is support each other & there is some comfort in knowing you are not alone on this journey......the death of our child does change us.....how could it not.....I lost my son 16 months ago.....I no longer fear death.....i know my boy will be there for me......keep coming back to this site & share your story.....it helps to talk with those that understand.....god bless

Francesca

[Jeff's Mom]

Wayne, my heart ached for you when I read your post...as we all know only too well what you are experiencing. I am so pleased that you found this site to come to for support. Each and every one of us is walking in your shoes. We understand only too well the first initial shock and disbelief that you are experiencing. Please keep posting... and do make sure to look after  yourself... as best as you can. I am so sorry for your loss.

 

Kate

[Waynes78]

Today I find myself feeling guilty that I feel as though I did not do everything I should have as a parent to protect him. I knew he was doing things he should not be doing yet I put it off as him just being a teenage boy. I did stuff as a teen myself and I survived. So I thought that he would be ok cause I made it and turned out ok. I also find myself being mad at him for doing this and leaving me.

Logan just wanted to have fun. And in the end it cost him his life. He did not realize the pain that he was leaving the rest of us in. He was so loving that I know if he knew that he was hurting us he would have taken a different path. But he didn't and now I feel guilty. If only I could talk to him one more time.

[Mermaid Tears]

Wayne....what you are feeling...guilt..anger...regrets....pain....loss....is completely normal....for now....the 'shock suit' is going to fit very, very tight....your emotions will be like a roller coaster....there were times I felt like I could not breathe...and I would have to come up for air....and the pain...would knock me down to my knees....

this kind of grief is very heavy....very dark....and it can cause issues with your emotional and physical self.....for now...be kind and gentle to yourself....and drink fluids....do not try to over think all this...or any of it...

Yes....teenagers do stupid...things....and I did, too....I have 6 children...the oldest is a girl...the other five ..all boys....they are all adults now....and I have 14 GRANDchildren....I have heard it all and seen it all....we lost our Beloved Beautiful Oldest son...John David...in 2012.....this is the hardest journey I have ever walked in my life...and I am still learning to walk this earth home without my SONshine boy.....we are all a work in progress....and progress is taking 3 steps up...and 5 back somedays.

    Your grief journey will be as unique as your child is unique. We wish we could offer a get better pill...or magic words....all we can offer are our words of care and compassion....and the fact that we do understand where you stand now on the grief journey.

[Mermaid Tears]

[JD's Mom, Becky]

[Mermaid Tears]

Becky...how serene...love the footsteps in the snow

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Susan, I have noticed that I don't quite "feel" Jesse as intensely as first. These are my own thoughts on this:

 

I know my mom mentioned the same thing for my sister, Julie. Based on both personal family experience and reading of many stories on deathbed visions, I believe that those who love us come for us. What I have come to believe contradicts the "automatic" reincarnation theory. I also have been able to talk to a NDEr who is a practicing physician in missionary work. He said that during his NDE, he was approached by his friend, who passed in an accident. The "space" they met was like what has been described by other NDErs, that of being in the presence or light of God/Creator/Source, just one of the many "landscapes" that seem to be present, I guess, in non-physical realities. This man's friend had been transitioned over for a few years by then when the doctor encountered him on the Other side. I  know family members who have had others come to them in points of severe crisis, people they loved, and those individuals had been "deceased" for a number of years.

 

Also, when I read Eben Alexander's book, I noticed that when he encountered his deceased sister, it was a few years past too, I believe at least 5 years at the time of his NDE. She was in a beautiful place, realer than real. My daughter had also met a NDEr shortly after Jesse transitioned. She said it took her about a year to feel like she was back in this earth plane reality as she felt detached from here.

 

I feel that by being open to hearing the telling of other's stories and spiritual experiences -- especially those close to death -- is the best way to learn. I have found some of my greatest "helps" for coping with Jesse's leaving by doing so. It does not stop the missing, but gets me through the day.

 

Some Researchers (medical) in this field I have reviewed are Dr. Penny Sartori, Peter Fenwick and Dr. Pim Von Lommel, Dr. Lloyd Rudy and Dr. Sam Parnia.

[Jeff's Mom]

Laurie, I too, no longer feel as if my son is as "close" as he once was. I truly feel deeply that he is in a much better place and I take comfort in knowing that I will see him again one day.

 

I want to share something that happened to me a year ago. I had to have my gallbladder removed. It was done by the laparoscopic method... and I was out of the hospital the same day. I have always suffered with breathing issues. When I was a young girl I had asthma that required a rigorous treatment. At any rate...I remember waking up in the post-op to find myself standing across the room watching two nurses trying to help me breathe. They were calling to me and they had placed a heavy mask with medicine over my mouth. The thing is that I felt nothing. I could hear them as they panicked and what they said to each other. I also watched the man in the next bed with his head turned and listening to them working on me. Yet the curtain was pulled around me. He appeared to be frightened. I could hear  the body making a terrible noise trying to breathe. I however was in no pain whatsoever. I simply stood across from the area and watched. The next thing I knew I felt a very bitter taste in my mouth and was gasping for air. I did not want to be there. It felt fine to be in that other place. No discomfort at all. In truth...if that is a what dying is about...I have no fear whatsoever.

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you Laurie and Kate for your sharing.....

 

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross said that no one...not one....dies 'alone'...there is always a loved one there with them...that has passed to greet and be with them.....

 

I believe that, too, with all my heart and soul....

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[shorty16]

Kate,

What a wonderful story....I believe.

I felt Brian's soul go through me when he died. I did not realize what is was until 1.5 years later when someone on this site detailed their experience which was just like mine.

The day Brian died, we received the terrible phone call. I stood up and took 1-2 steps and felt something go through my chest...the sensation stopped me in my tracks. There was no fear...no fear what so ever. It was wonder, happiness, and he was not alone. I do not know who else was there, but I know he was not alone. This sensation lasted about 1/10 of a second, but has brought joy to my life. Remember, I had just received the dreaded phone call, but this sensation brought me NO Fear.

I am not afraid to died, I am afraid for the survivors.

Colleen, Brian's mom forever

[shorty16]

Wayne,

I too had terrible guilt after Brian died. "How could I have not known he was doing this?" After about 3 years of torturing myself, a very wise man said to me...Colleen, there are no answers to this, only facts. And none of the facts will bring your son back. You will beat your head against the wall until you just can't do it any more.

The timeline of self-blame is different for each of us. We know that if you knew this was happening you would have stopped it. Just like I would have. But, we did not know.

Please be kind to yourself. These feelings are acceptable considering your life has changed forever.

Thinking of you, Wayne

Colleen, Brian's mom forever

[Jeff's Mom]

I decided to share that story with those that I felt would take comfort in knowing that this is definitely not the one and only existence. I have to smile as I recall the one nurse and her comments to the other. I heard every last word spoken and she was not talking as nicely as I would have liked. I wanted to add my own voice... but was not able to communicate at all. She asked me if I could not speak... or had I decided not too!!! I wanted to say, "Listen, sweetie...if I could talk.... I would!!!! I was confused watching, but felt no pain at all. She kept calling my name...and in truth...I was disappointed as she behaved as if I was not even there the way she spoke. She seemed angry with me...as if it was my fault that I was causing this concern for her. Believe me...I saw everything they did.

[Jesse David & Taylor Mom]

Kate, my Uncle also had that experience. He was about 16 years old at the time, so this was many years ago before any of these types of stories were well known. He had a very adverse reaction to penicillin that was given to him, my grandfather was called in to say his goodbyes to my uncle. Well, my uncle did revive and shared with my mom later that he was at the top of the ceiling looking down at his body. He never shared this for many years only to my mom. He is passed now so I don't think he cares. To me it just affirmed that we are more than our body.

[daveydow1]

GRRrrrrrr..... Just lost my entire post.  Hate that!  

 

 

Dianne-----Michael surely connected with you through the music.

So nice that you had that experience.

 

Wayne-----Anger and guilt is such a part of being on this grief road.

Keep coming back here, and read/post when you feel you want to.

I know this is just a devastating and sorrowful time for you,.....so early on

this road. Please come back, where everyone understands the

pain of losing a dear child.  Peace to you, friend.

 

Susan----Your story about the 'mist' is so lovely. I'm sure it is 

something that you hold close to your heart. Thanks for the

family pics and screen shots. Wow.....what expert fishermen you

have in the family!

 

Laurie-----I, too, feel that my Davey and Lisa are not as 'close' as

they were in the earlier times.  I feel that it's because I am getting

closer to seeing them. Thanks for your story of the swans.  Very

lovely experience to have them flying over and singing.

 

Kate----Thank you for your story.  These experiences we have along

the way stay with us to give us faith and strength.

 

Dee------It's warming up a bit here......no much snow on the ground.

The blizzard missed us. We saw a large owl at the birdfeeder last

night.  Since he was much too large to perch on the feeder, he

just sat on the ground and ate seeds that had spilled down from

other birds feeding.  We had never seen an owl at the feeders,

but since they are nocturnal birds, they could have been there

deep in the night .

 

Colleen------I believe that the advice that the kind man gave you

was so true.  While I know that those feelings of guilt can hit us

at various times along the way,......it's good to call to mind the

words he gave, as you have said.....and that they will help ease

those guilt feelings.  Thanks for posting.

 

PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry 

 

[JD's Mom, Becky]

I believe..

[Waynes78]

Today is the day I lay my beautiful logan to rest. Yesterday at the visitation there were 100s of people there. My son touched so many lives that I did not even realize. On young girl came up to me and told me when she first met Logan in 6th grade she was afraid to go in because she was new. He told her to get behind her and he would protect her for the rest of her life. This is how he was. He never met a stranger. He would help anyone at anytime. There was another boy that was with him that night. I found it yesterday that he did not make it either.

My life has forever changed. But I have decided to try and do something positive in his memory. I don't know exactly what yet, but I will get there.

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[daveydow1]

Wayne------Oh.....friend,  I'm so very sorry.  Your son, Logan, 

must have been a wonderful person with a kind and generous

heart. I know how good it is to talk to people who were his

friends.  It often lends another comforting  side to our dear

children who left this world too soon.  My heart goes out to

you on the most sorrowful day of your life.  I wish that there

were words to say.....but often there is not.  I do hope that 

you will continue to come here to this site.  You are in my

thoughts & prayers.  Peace be with you.

 

Dianne----Thanks for that beautiful writing that you posted.

Such true and comforting words.

 

 

Davey&Lisasmom,   Sherry

[daveydow1]

                          Always    Remembered

 

             

               I know I am still with you, in your

               Prayers, your thoughts, your heart.

               And though you cannot see me,

               I will always be a part;

               Of life's sweet celebrations

               In those times when you reflect

               On how, though things are different

               Through our love, we still connect.

               We'll see each other someday

               When our spirits all are free,

               Until then, I am with you,.

               Because you remember me.

[Mermaid Tears]

to my sweet parents who has posted such amazing words....thank you....it is late...will post tomorrow...am hoping insomnia who has become my friend...will not befriend me tonight.....isn't it strange...when you were a child...and the night was your friend....and then....grief will once again....introduce you again....

[Everly]

.

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

 

Wayne....saw this....can only pray that many parents will read this and be aware.....sending prayers for you and yours...

[InHeavensKeeping]

Wayne I don't know what to say to give you comfort today. I just want you to know you, your family and your sweet child are in my heart and prayers.

Evelyn what a wonderful young man to take the time to stop and try to help you.

Sherry and Diane thank you for the words so true and hopeful.

I'm ill again I have a chesty cough and feel really rough keep getting one thing after the other.

Our case for James is starting to come together. Information is coming in from the Police on what they didn't do on that day. We have found out that the first officer on scene was concidering a distracted driver a phone was seen in the drivers footwell!! But and a big But our solicitor has found out they didn't check whether the driver was using his phone by checking his phone records In the police report they apologise for the oversight!!!

I'm just so shocked and sick to my stomach as one thing after another keeps appearing.

I'm sorry to go on but just one more thing. We now have the photos of the scene We haven't looked at them they are for the solicter but should we ?. Do I as james mum owe him that. I'm confused and so stressed. This is going to be so hard.

God Bless Xx

[TearsInHeaven]

x

[Waynes78]

In heavens keeping,

Thank you.

It will be extremely difficult for you if you look at these pictures. I myself do not know if I could. My ex wife found our son laying in his bed and called me. When I got there he was still there. She and I will forever have that etched in our minds. I keep wandering if he was ever in pain. We have not got the autopsy back yet. If you look at the pictures they might also become etched in your mind. Is it something that would help give you some kind of closure? Is it something that you need to see? Do you want to see him like that? Or do you want to remember what he looked like the last time you saw him? I would ask myself these kinds of questions first. Just some random thoughts. I am definitely no expert. Just trying to help you make the right decision for youself.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Thank you Dianne I think I agree with you I've just been reading that some mums have to look at them as its there child's last moments.

I'm struggling in this second year as we approach sixteen months I'm like you in that I've changed I feel so heavy with grief there's not a day goes by that I don't cry and even though I won't stop until we get the truth I know it's taking its toll on me and keeping me stuck in that moment

God Bless xx

[Waynes78]

Mermaid tears,

Yes. I have decided that I am going to do something in Logans name to educate our young people. I do not have the logistics of it worked out yet but I will get there. My son was so loved that I think he could change the world even now. He had more charisma in his pinky than I ever had. I am going to start at his school where he was so well known and hopefully move on from there. I want his name to be known for something good. Not what the news reports have turned it into.

[Jeff's Mom]

Georgina, thank you...for sharing that beautiful song with us. It can not help but bring tears to my eyes. In my darkest times my faith is about the only thing that has helped to keep me going. I have learned to keep my face towards the sun and that way the shadows are behind me. I hope you will soon be feeling well again.

 

Eve...thank you for sharing your story with us. That young man appeared in your life at a time that you felt a lot of despair. His kind and supportive words could not help but give you hope.

 

Wayne...your son would encourage you to continue on that path. Your decision to help others is an admirable one. What a lovely way to honor his memory.

[Mermaid Tears]

Evelyn.....that young man was right where he was supposed to be....I no longer believe in 'coincidences'....I would do the same....even though in this day and time one would check his premises....but my instincts would tell me to go to someone in distress....sometimes a person just needs to hear a kind word....or an expression of care and understanding...after all....that is what we do on this site....we let each other know that we do not walk this grief journey alone...we have a circle of compassion to help each other find their way.

 

 

Georgina.....right now....your physical body is responding to all the stress and dark grief....many times we tell each other to 'self care'....and I will remind you to 'self care'....no one can do that for you....you are the one that holds all the keys to your health. I am so happy you have found someone who can weave the needle of justice through all the information. For now....I do not see where looking at the photos would do any thing but bring more misery to your all ready shattered heart. My Grama use to say...'Leave it to Heaven'. If you do not think this kind of grief cannot hurt you physically....we have a parent on this site...our Warrior Mom, Becky, who is suffering from all the physical issues from her grief and her fight for justice for her son....it just wore her down. It is a long road to healing. Drink some Gatorade....to keep your electrolytes in balance...walk around outside a couple of times during the day....and some nourishing soups.

[Mermaid Tears]

Wayne.....I remember being up at night....I had come to the place where I stopped fighting my insomnia and made it my friend...I was thinking of the term....'instead of being bitter...be better'....I was trying to sort it all out.....for truth...none of us can be a better person because our child died....that is insanity.

    I was down memory lane thinking of my Grama....she had a few friends...(not close friends)....that in my youthful thinking I considered....very mean natured..bitter...hateful....I asked her one day after one of them left why she had them over...she said...'they are just broken'....

      I wish now I knew their story...my Grama knew their story and that is why she had that compassion...

I knew I did not want to become 'bitter'.....but I can say I have felt a deep shift...in that I see with a different 'eye'....and I have a layer of compassion and care that has gone deep and is a part of me now.

 

Please do go forth and tell Logan's story....let those young ones know it is ok to be young and have fun....but know... that they do have to have some responsibility in knowing where to draw that line.  For some reason I know Logan is guiding you.

[Mermaid Tears]

Dee....have missed you....you know I go into a mild panic mode without your words...

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Wayne, again I am so sorry for what you're going through. My 15 year old son Jared, was also a well-loved boy, and there were over 700 people in attendance at his funeral service. I remember all of us as a family not crying on that day. I wouldn't say we were stoic, looking back now I realize what deep shock we were still in. We had kept busy waiting for my son's body to be returned to the funeral home after his autopsy in Baltimore Maryland, by gathering pictures of him for a slideshow to be shown at his service and to pick his favorite music, and I did the artwork for shirts for his friends that were acting as pallbearers to wear. At that point which was almost two weeks after he was killed, I hadn't even begun to think of what I could do to honor his memory in the way of preventing this from happening to another family.

I know, Georgina, that it is a whole different ballgame when your child has been killed. You feel you have the responsibility to bring justice for them. In our case, in the state of Delaware, there is a two-year statute of limitations for the police to bring a criminal charge as far as vehicular homicide. I worked so hard for those two years to try to bring justice for my son. I read every line ofthe police investigation, of the autopsy report, view the pictures that were taken at the hospital as well as at the beginning of the autopsy. For me and my family, we needed to know everything that the police knew, to be able to read and see and interpret for ourselves. Newspaper reporters don't care and neither do the police. In this situation they were highly influenced by the drivers last name and her family's reputation, and it wasn't a good one. From the outset we knew, that her father had been a gun for hire in a murder not too far from where we live where he had initially been found guilty and given a double life sentence only to get out two years later on appeal. It was on some technicality as there was no doubt in anyones mind that he had done it. So we knew we were dealing with a family of liars and one that would readily file lawsuits if they were to gain by that.

I think the single most hurtful thing to me was to find out that this woman driver stood there and watched my son bleeding to death never checking his pulse never letting him know he wasn't alone, never touching him or praying for him... Then finding out she was a registered nurse. She cursed into the phone when she called 9-1-1, saying that she just f-ing hit somebody, and they were so f-ing dead. At one point she told the 9-1-1 operator that he was dead, that she could tell by looking at him. Why, I have asked myself over and over, why did it have to be someone like her?

The investigating officer into the crash that killed my son told us less than 12 hours after he had died that he did not test the driver for impairment by either the drugs found in her vehicle or the alcohol because she had stated she didn't consume either, and he added that the police department could be sued if they demand of the test and they were wrong. We fought an uphill battle and charges were never brought. There was a text message on her phone moments before she crashed and killed my son, and that did show up on her phone record, but again all she had to do was say she didn't look at it and they let it go.

So some of the things that we have done, was to fight to have the speed limit lowered, which was only accomplished more than a year later and with the help of our state representatives, and even at that it is still higher than it should be in a neighborhood with as many homes as we have in a half mile stretch. I think there are now 26 homes on our rural country road with absolutely no shoulder. We are also trying to garner support 4 Delaware to to introduce an open container law as that was the excuse the police gave us for not being able to test her. We also constructed a four foot by four foot billboard at either end of our neighborhood warning drivers to slow down. Both of those signs have his beautiful life size face on them. Additionally, we do the Adopt A Highway clean up on this section of the road, there are two more signs at each end of the neighborhood which have the Adopt A Highway and his name on them to which we added his picture on a second sign underneath their sign.

I also created a Facebook page in memory of Jared to which I post posters against texting and driving as well as against drinking and driving or driving impaired or distracted. Initially I had thought that at some point I would do a presentation at the local high school where Jared attended and maybe more beyond that, but fell so sick after that second year that I was not able to do much of anything. I am insulin-dependent diabetic and I was hospitalized in ICU for more than a week with pancreatitis. My doctor felt that I had a gallstone that had not immediately passed and had caused the inflammation in my pancreas. All I know is that I called my husband at his job to tell him I didn't feel well and I thought he better come home. When he came home I was unconscious and taken by ambulance to the hospital with a blood sugar over 1500. I am lucky to have survived. I have had several other health complications since that time, resulting in shoulder surgery and the broken wrist and ankle. I feel as though the grief complicated by the quest for justice brought me down. I would certainly warn anyone to take extreme care in this type of complicated grief. Several of the operations I underwent, I absolutely felt that if God would take me home while undergoing surgery, that it would be okay with me. My husband and daughter weren't too happy with me saying that, but it is how I felt.

Now in the 5th year, it still hurts me, and I do feel bitter about the justice system, and find myself taking one day at a time because that's about all I can handle. Thank God for this group who have encouraged me, prayed for me, and help to guide me through this time.

I should add that all the work and research and putting myself through the examination of the investigation was not entirely in vain, because when we brought a civil wrongful death suit, her lawyers made no attempt to fight it at all, and settled with us out of court. I feel that is because our lawyer had shared some of the facts that I had gathered with them that were highly incriminating.

We haven't heard any more from her then she tried to charge my daughter with assault and stalking and was unsuccessful. We have tried to put ourselves in her shoes, given her background and upbringing, and everything else that was going on around her, to be able to find forgiveness, not for her sake, but for our own. We are not the kind of people to live with that much hate in our heart. Jared was such a loving and forgiving person that I know he would not want that for us.

[Mermaid Tears]

Thank you, Becky.....for re-telling your story.....many of us have been here so long.....we feel as if we walked with you...but it is important to re-tell our stories for the new parents on this site....not only to share the info....but to let them know this isn't the first time parents have struggled and fought for justice for their child...

[Mermaid Tears]

 

 

this says it best.....

 

this kind of grief can impact you emotionally and physically....the pain has knocked me to my knees...and I felt like a trapped animal because there was no where to run...the pain would simply follow me....

 

this kind of grief can also humble you in a way that you will 'grow' another layer of empathy like you have never had before...

 

and there is a change to me....as Dee has said....'we must change to make room for the grief'.....we are put in this foreign land with no map or compass....and learn to walk and carry the grief....and make a new path in this new normal...

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Our billboard

[JD's Mom, Becky]

The sign below the Adopt-a-Highway sign

[TearsInHeaven]

 

x

[ericasmom]

Wayne and everyone, I am here at school still, a painting project keeps me late this time of year as we work toward our silent auction...Wayne, I just cleaned up brushes and turned my news on my computer and saw the story of Logan and his friends...oh my goodness, they showed the memorial that is growing in his honor and they mentioned you and Logan's Mom hoping to raise money in order to raise awareness of something we totally were unaware of as parents. You are already working to make things better in Logan's name Wayne, and for that he must be so very proud. Wow, I sat here thinking of your post yesterday about the funeral for your Son, though due to busy times here, I have not responded until I have time. Now I just need to reach through the screen and hug you and tell you that it seems to me your shattered hearts are working double time to show Logan that you will stand where he no longer can...and make a difference in his name. In his beautiful name.

[InHeavensKeeping]

Kate Susan thank you. I've got a chest infection and something wrong with my head now it's covered in spots like you get on your face. I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow I'm trying to self care but I don't know how. I have to keep going I can't stop because when I do that's when I crumble. My husband cried himself to sleep tonight he's an empty grief stricken she'll of his former self. He blames himself feels he should of been there done more he was wondering around lost saying I still can't believe he's gone

So I have this worry on top of of everything else.

Susan I have quite a few feathers from heaven. Thank for the screen shot.

Becky Thankyou for telling us your story. He's such a beautiful boy. It's amazing what you achieved in the end so all the fight was worth it and she's tried to make things bad again and got no where. You have done so well in making the changes to the speed and the bill boards with the warnings. I couldn't look at the photos I couldn't bear to see him hurt there gone now and with the solicitor. I just hope and pray we can get somewhere now. We have a meeting in two weeks and we'll find out more and where this is going.

Hugs xxx

[shorty16]

Wayne,

Your son, Logan and his friend are in good company in heaven with our angel babies.

Please know, we are with you on this journey.

Colleen, Brian's Mom forever

[Waynes78]

Hey everybody,

First I would like to say thanks for all of your encouraging words.

Yes, what happened to my son has made national news. We are still not 100% sure what happened. The news and media have sensationalized it. I knew that there were cruel people in this world, but there are more than i thought. Although i have tried not to read what people were saying, friends insist on telling me. I have finally told them i did not want to hear anymore. We have had people from TV shows to people magazine wanting to talk to us. We are definitely not ready for all of this yet. And not sure if or when we will ever be able to. Today was very difficult for me. I tried to go to work. I got frustrated very easy so decided it was time to leave. Then decided I would go to see Logan at his graveside and talk to him. Which was ok. But all day long I have been thinking or feeling that I really don't have a purpose anymore. So, I talked to Logan about it and of course he could not give me answers. But I don't feel as if it is right or fair of me to do anything that would give me any kind of happiness, even down to eating something that I love to eat. Without knowing that he is ok and he is happy where he is now. I ask him to tell me or give me a sign. And until I get that sign I am not sure what to do. Not sure if I can start to rebuild. I am his father and my outlook on that was and has always been if my children aren't ok then I am not ok. So that is where I am. Yesterday, I was ready to start this amazing thing in his name to help other kids. Today, I couldn't think of anything but how much I wanted him back and wanted to talk to him and have him talk back to me. My heart hurts so bad.

Also, i would like to say that I am sorry that I have not learned all of your names yet.

[JD's Mom, Becky]

Wayne, you can't possibly be expected to know all of our names yet. No worries, you will learn them in time.

Please do take care of yourself. Logan would want that for you. Try to ignore the rudeness and ignorance of the bloggers on the news reports. I got plenty of those too. People stating that my son's parents obviously didn't teach him how to cross the road or where were his parents? It is hurtful I know, but please do not blame yourself. At 15 they have minds of their own and are going to make mistakes. They had no idea that their decisions would cost them so dearly. He is in a happy place, though right now that seems impossible to imagine because we are so unhappy. Look for those signs, they will come.

I don't think anyone would expect for you to have to go back to work this soon, so be easy on yourself. May God bless you and your family.

[Waynes78]

Thank you so much. It helps so much to know that other people are dealing with the pain that I am enduring. I just don't understand how people could be so heartless. I removed my Facebook last night because I was so tired of seeing it. That upsets me because I had a lot of memories of us on there. And all of Logans friends had requested to be my friend on there. I will go back to later though when the dust has cleared. But I had ask everyone to stop posting the news releases about it but they kept doing it anyways. So I thought it best for now. I work for myself is the problem and I am getting so far behind. I have two partners one of which is my wife. The other is trying to cover for me but there is simply no way he can keep up. I feel bad for him although he says it's ok. I know he means it but it is hard for me due to the kind of person I am that hates for people to take up my slack.

Anyways, again thank you all. This website and the people on here are such wonderful people.

[Mermaid Tears]

Wayne....we had another Dad on this site....his name is Wade....and he does read our posts....and he did the same thing...going to 'talk things over' with his boy....at his resting place....

   I believe....a Mom wants to heal things..

                    a Dad wants to fix things..

 

For now....the 'shock suit' is going to fit very, very tight....it is the body's way of protecting itself...and there came that day when I looked back....and wondered how I did all that I did...in the first weeks after my John David passed....

I wrote the obituary..planned the Memorial service and even wrote that...made ALL the arrangements...rented and catered the Gathering for all the family and friends who came...with a complete dinner...had huge photos at the Memorial and later at the gathering...that I had made at Walgreens...all the mementos.....I left nothing to chance or someone else...yes...I was in super shock....and had super adrenaline running through my veins.....my cousin called me a 'real Steel Magnolia'...

    I think it is true for all parents....

 

I believe you will step up and carry Logan's story forward....it may not be tomorrow or next week or next month...but you will...that is something that seems to come and that is normal....I call it going through a phase called 'second guessing'....but our thought processes are not normal .....in fact...all normal seems to become surreal...

    It is like being put in a foreign land where you don't know the language...and you have no map...

 

I own a small apartment complex...it is not a 9 to 5....and I did take care of my business...but I do not have to go there every day...my office is in my home....so as for work.....just do what you feel you can do....this is not a time to be  stoic..or a super person.....allow yourself to grieve...cry....

     When I found this site....I discovered I wasn't going crazy....I was just in deep mourning....there are many on this site that has been here for years...I call them our 'spirit guides'....they are farther on the grief journey..and they wave to us and let us know ...we, too, can survive....

 

am sorry about the idiots in the media....you are doing the right thing in shutting them out....and closing down FB for awhile.....

    when I joined this site...it was in Dec....John David passed in August......and on this site...Dee was the one that confirmed what I was thinking of doing....was right...I needed to 'cocoon'....I cancelled every community and social commitment....that was the best thing I did for myself....I had the instinct...so...it is ok....to drop out for awhile if that is something you feel would be right for you....

and it is 'ok' not to be 'ok'.....Dee says we are so very brave to live one day more after our child dies....and she is right...we may have broken hearts...but we are brave.

    this is a hard journey....this kind of grief is very, very heavy and dark....so just take things one day at a time...be very kind and gentle to yourself...how is your wife doing ? And....another thing....let family and friends give you a helping hand...they may not say things correctly....or what you need them to say....but if your partner wants to help you....let them.

 

[daveydow1]

Wayne-----I think that it is probably a good thing for you to step back

from FB for awhile.  While people may mean well, sometimes it can be

just too overwhelming, and especially now, so soon after your beloved

son, Logan, has passed.  At this early stage.....the mind just wants things

to be as they were before....this is so 'normal' for this grief journey that

is anything but normal for us.  Of course, there are others who are so

thoughtless and mean, as in your case.  When I was very early on this

journey, I, too, wanted desperately to know that my son, Davey,  was

ok, after being killed by a truck driver sleeping at the wheel.  The signs

did not come, and I was depressed because of it.  Then, later on, I

had several 'signs' and tiny little dreams of my son (and also from baby, Lisa,

who died many years ago.....no 'signs' or dreams of her for decades. Then

I had a little dream, and she was happy. I've found that signs/dreams may appear

when we least expect it....no real timeline or anything, and in different ways. Of all

the dreams I've had, neither of my dear angels said anything in the dream.

I was just given a glimpse of them, and in all of the dreams, they were well and happy.

The little dreams/signs, when they come, are treasures we can hold close to

our hearts. I pray that you will get a sign from Logan. I hope that you can

continue to come here to BI.  It helps to know that there are others who know

the sorrow you have; and are walking this rough road with you.  Take care.

 

Georgina---- I'm sorry that you are having health problems. I hope they can

be resolved soon.   Glad to hear that things are coming together more for

James' case, and that many of these 'official' people can be made to answer

for their neglect of duty.  I've found that many times, law enforcement must

be brought to task before they will give answers to very important questions.

Thanks for the lovely song.

 

Dianne-----Thank you for your kind words.  You have said it so well......once we

have seen pictures,....."there's no way we can "unsee" them".  We did not get any

report/pictures for our Davey or Lisa's autopsy.  David's had to be done at 

Columbus, because there was some type of debate or shortage in the coroner's office,

in the local county. Thinking back, I'm glad that we didn't get anything from that.

The local newspaper featured very graphic front-page photos of the crash scene

in David's death.  Also,.....we received a stack of pictures in the mail from the Highway Patrol..

all very graphic and upsetting.....mostly of David's car, and the seven other cars involved, when

the truck plowed into them  (driver sleeping). We did not request the photos, and

were not sure how they came to be sent to us.  I looked at them,......did not show

them to my husband, and locked them away for good.  As you say....these things

are just too difficult to see.  It's enough that they are burned into our minds.

I don't know the answer. I do, so, understand the need to know everything concerning the

death of a beloved child. I guess each parent has to decide for themselves what to do about

 this type of material.

 

Evelyn----- thanks for posting your story of the concerned young man.  These

types of incidents are often very confusing.  I guess that the young man wanted

to just offer some kindness when he saw you so sad.  Wishing you peace, friend.

 

Susan-----Your post to Wayne said it all so well.  Many times when I feel at a loss

for words to someone who has just come on BI, and is heartbroken,......then

someone else, here at this site, will post, and say what I was unable to put

into my own words.  Your posts and screenshots are always uplifting. Thank you.

 

 

WISHING   PEACE   AND   TRANQUILITY   TO   ALL   INDIGOS.

 

Davey&Lisasmom,    Sherry