Members tbird1965 Posted November 16, 2009 Members Report Share Posted November 16, 2009 Hi all - I'm new here. My mother died after a two-plus year battle with lung cancer, early in the morning on Labor Day. She lived with my sister, and during the time Mom was ill I wasn't working, so I spent far more time with them in my home town (South Bend, IN) than I did in my own home with my husband and animals. Luckily my husband was earning enough money to enable me to be there to help.I've been back home in Austin TX for a little over a month now, and in many ways I feel like I'm still getting used to the idea that Mom is gone. I'm sleeping a *lot*. My husband and I bought a house in May and so we're still settling into the new place. I feel like a stranger here because I can't find anything...when we made the purchase I was hoping that having a new house to set up and arrange would help me get used to Mom being gone, but maybe it's still too soon for that.I haven't made friends here in Texas because I'm not working and I was out of town so much...I'm only now starting to realize how much of my life was affected by the constant suspense of a two year terminal illness. I have to start living here, and it all just seems like too much work. Mom shows up in my dreams nearly every night, but she hasn't kicked me in the butt to get me moving yet.Anyhow, I'm hoping that joining this forum might help me feel less isolated. Thanks for listening.Tina Bird Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ninamargaret Posted November 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 Lost my dad Nov. 16th and the date you posted.Today is the 21st of November and I miss him so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbird1965 Posted November 21, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 I'm so sorry. I wish there were better words... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ninamargaret Posted November 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 Thank youIt is comforting to me now to hear from someone.Today is the first day I can no longer see him.Yesterday was his service and funeral.My dad was 96 and lived with me for over a year. His age does not make it easier.He was the love of my life.My mom. 83, is with us. She is frail and we always thought she would die before him. In fact a few minutes ago that is what she told me. But he could never have lived through that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members rlolheiser Posted November 21, 2009 Members Report Share Posted November 21, 2009 I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad 4 years ago come January. It was devastating to me, he was 86, and he was the one constant in my life. Whenever I had a problem, he was always there just to talk to even if he didn't talk back. I know the pain is fresh for you, but keep him with you all the same, I am always talking to my family and the little ones, to keep him with us. I don't want anybody to ever forget what a great man he is. I know it doesn't mean much, but time will help. I have my mom living with me now, I know it is what he would have wanted. I guess it is what I wanted, she turned 76 this year, and is quite ill, I just can't send her anywhere, only if she wanted.I hope your heart finds peace, and always remember the time you had, remember the goodness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members angel44 Posted November 23, 2009 Members Report Share Posted November 23, 2009 t bird have you thought about moving back to Indiana? to be closer to the family still there - i think i would - i lost my mom in june 2007 and i have never known such pain and emptiness - death is so FINAL. i never got that till my mom died. even when my very much beloved grand father died i didnt get it. i miss mine so much also - so many things i would have liked her to be a part of. if i had family some where that wanted me and wanted to be in my life i would also move to be near them. i have my dad who is not doing real well in his health he is 79 this year and i have a dear aunt in las vegas - i so often want to go to be near my aunt. but i have lived where i am for so long now. i cant imagine living any where else but denver. plus i hate the hot summers there. the aunt is also elderly like 73 or 74 and i dont know how long she has also. i would hate to go there and then in a few years when she goes again be in the same boat wanting to move. i have lived here in the same place since 91 or 93. i know how you feel. it feels so empty. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members tbird1965 Posted November 23, 2009 Author Members Report Share Posted November 23, 2009 I would love to be closer -- but we're tied to my husband's job in Austin. It's better than it used to be. We lived in California until Jan 2008. Driving from Austin to Indiana is a drag, but it's at least possible -- driving from California really wasn't.But yeah, this whole thing has been a great illustration of why moving far away from home doesn't always work so well. Well, that and the economy crashing -- I was working as an IT consultant at the time Mom got sick, and finding work got harder just at the time I needed the money the most. Now I'm just hoping I'll be able to find something after the holidays.thanks -- t. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members angel44 Posted November 23, 2009 Members Report Share Posted November 23, 2009 well maybe plan short trips there on the bus even if you have to just to be close to family again -- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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