Does it really get easier

[Yvonne daughter]

Does it get any easier? 

Heaven took my mum 3 years ago. Two weeks before Christmas. I didn't believe she had died and had to see her body to believe it was true. Up to this day I hold guilt for the times I didn't meet up with her when she wanted to take me shopping. I get angry when I see daughters out with their mothers. I want to tell my mum things and I can't. My heart will never be whole again

[fresno11]

I feel your pain. I've now dealt with 19 years of people asking about my mother, or my parents. It's always so sad and awkward. 

I also understand those feelings of guilt. My mother wanted to watch some Christmas movie with me when she was sick, and at 15, I was just 'too busy' and also had no idea of the reality of her illness. I still beat myself up over not watching that ****ing movie with her. I don't know if I have any good advice, since that's why I've joined this site, but I did want you to know that I (somewhat) know what you're experiencing!

[Maya77]

Im so sorry for your loss. I also had a close relationship with my mom and the fact I am suddenly not able to tell her things (she was the only person I could really open up to and tell everything) is just miserable. I never was a fan of journaling or having a diary (not even as a kid), I began a journal where I pretty much wrote everything I wanted to say to my mom. Mundane everyday stuff or thoughts that really bothered me. It was like writing her a letter everyday, just not sending it. But I keep the journal next to her picture on my shelf so she can read it. This helped me a bit to ease the pain of not being able to speak to her anymore...

[Reflections]

Easier? I feel like I'm doing well after three years since my mother passed and yet here I am. I think of her everyday. Sometimes something reminds me of her, sometimes something happens and I want her take on things, I think time heals how we feel but leaves a scar on our heart so we always remember. And shouldn't that be the way it is for someone we love so much?

I miss my mother. Always will, I suspect. The feeling varies though. A wistful regret, amusement, a gentle heartache, a sharp longing, tears, smiles... So many things can trigger a feeling, often unexpectedly. It's especially challenging at times because now that I've stopped coloring my hair, let it go salt & pepper, and cut it short, my own image in the mirror and my reflection in windows remind me of her.

So for me, there's no escape and that's okay. The way I see it, missing my mother keeps her alive in my heart.

Feeling guilt for acting like the human being you are is normal. I think everyone has to work through that at their own pace and in their own way. Forgive yourself. I think your mother would.

[SJBK]

I feel all that guilt also.  My mother passed 3 weeks and 3 days ago.  Some days I don't think I can go on.  My husband and son are very supportive, though.  That makes a huge difference. I feel lots of guilt, also - like why did i have to be busy the time she wanted me to visit.  Why couldn't I have stopped at her house one more time after work, instead of rushing home ot be on Facebook or do some laundry.  I have huge regrets.  But I think, or at least I tell myself, that God has a plan.  It was her time.  She was cheerful, but losing her memory, which was hell for her.  She couldn't remember to take pills.  In a few months, she would probably have been miserable in a nursing home.  But is that what would happend?  I don't know. I think it is too soon for me to figure anything out.