Loss of brother in fifties

[marianne525]

My older brother died suddenly two months ago of undiagnosed cancer. We were both in our fifties but had remained best buddies, often hiking, talking and hanging out together. He was my best friend, protector, teacher and we had shared a difficult childhood. I'm completely lost and bewildered and feel like a kid again, in spite of having very adult responsibilities to tend to. I keep seeking him out in my mind, bargaining with God to bring him back. Kind of living in denial. I found him nearly dead in his bedroom; I didn't have a chance to say goodbye. Why is this so difficult when I'm supposedly "grown up"? 

[seachelle]

It is a myth and a crime that adults are raised and pressured to feel that grief is abnormal.  It is normal to feel overwhelmed and unprepared at the sudden loss of a loved one, especially one who you looked up to so much. Please know that your feelings are normal.  I hope you have some sort of support network to help you through this, if not I'd look into in person support groups.  It's so hard to not be able to say goodbye to such a close loved one.  So sorry for your loss!

[Imstillherejuan]

I am a suicide Survivor when I tried to kill myself it woke up in the ER I couldn't even look at myself in the mirror for some people who suffer from depression it takes years to get to that point if not that people don't want help it's embarrassing and shameful to admit that  you think about killing yourself a lot I remember all of those years  going to a new  doctor's and having a ask  that one question " have you thought about killing your self "

And for years I would say no I was too ashamed to admit it one ofmy  problems I had in life was my literacy problem !   But at late stage in my  life and getting help with it ! My only regret is other people like me who suffer from depression couldn't pull out and imsorry for your loss