Decided.

[Forever His x]

Hello , 

i know i take my time on coming back on here , but like everyone just find it hard being on this type of forum . 

Soooo this is whats happening lately and i know ive already explained bits of it but the decision has been made ..... 

me and my partner have always lived with my family but had separate living areas complete shut off from one another but it was only a walk down the hall to see each other . so right now our house is on the market , it is coming up to four months since that horrible day , ever since it happened we have all been debating and finally came to the decision weighed out the pros and cons , i havent been back into our bit of the house i cant do it , at the moment i am living in the city and we have the opportunity to go and live in the countryside our little boy is only 16 months i feel and i know he would love this as he never liked the city area my fiance that is , that i can bring up our boy in a different area and have a different life a better life . i dont personally want a better life nor will i get one because i havent got him , but i feel i cant move forward here everything is constantly in your face it will always be in my head and him in my heart , but its a kick in the teeth i havent got him , so if the house sells we will be moving , so as much as i feel this is the right decision for my little boy , i cant help but hate it too i feel guilty for leaving the house where he was where he walked around ect i feel guilty im going to move to the countryside and he isnt i feel guilty for raising our son and he isnt i feel guilty for me breathing and he isnt . but i cant do it here i dont want to do it anywhere but need to try for our son . and the family i live with will be going to we always believed that we shouldnt do what society wanted we are such a close family so live together and enjoy each others company ect , we only ever wanted everyone to be happy and safe was never greedy yet we couldnt even be given that . i know i need to try and move forward im never moving on and i do feel its the right choice i dont care about what people say with all this give it time dont make hasty decisions , time wont change anything will it bring him back ? i hope .  but yet it all feels so wrong everything his just one big mess . i believe we dont live on earth were walking in hell .