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Drowning in Despair


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3 months ago today the life was knocked out of me when my greatest love, my everything, my beautiful 2 month old daughter was killed in a car accident. I don't know what to do or how to go on. I feel so lost and alone. I feel like I'm constantly gasping for air. I can't bear the thought of having to live the rest of my life without her. She was my whole world and now I'm supposed to carry on without her and I don't know how. I feel like I'm going backwards in the healing process because every day is getting harder to survive. I know nothing will bring her back but I cannot comprehend life without her. Every day is getting harder to get through. I'm trying to put on a brave face because I'm back at work and no one wants to see someone constantly in tears but I find myself fighting them back every second of the day until i finally get in my car and crumble. I want to remember all the good times and look at the hundreds of photos I have of her but I'm finding it so difficult because it breaks me every time i see her face... the face that is now just a memory. I'm having such an internal fight with myself because I don't want to push those memories or pictures away but I'm trying to deal with losing her and it just makes it so much harder. I'm not suicidal but I don't want to go on. I don't want to live without her. My beautiful baby girl was my life and it feels like my soul died with her and am now living in hell while I wait for my body to catch up. If there is anyone who has been through something similar please tell me how I'm supposed to do this. 

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image.jpegOh, KayleighPage ~

These are my two sons who were my world ~~

my heart just goes out to you ~

no words could ever express what my heart wants to say to you over the loss of your darling baby daughter ~

yet i, too ,know the loss of my child ~

haveing lost the two sons who loved me in word and deed ~

one to a motorcycle accident & one to suicide .

i say this so you know , even tho circumstances are different ~

i have walked this road of a mother whoes heart and soul has  experienced her worst nightmare come true ~

when my first son died i had no idea what I was going thru,,and like you I had no safe place

to work thru my grief & everyone who called themselves my family acted like my son never existed & so,,

comeing from a background of learning to survive ~ i just acted like they wanted me too...

show no sorrow & say no words that would make them uncomfortable ~

It was not til I found a support group of people who had also lost children..

please know all you feel,,,all you think...all you are doing is prefectly normal to an abnormal happening,,,losing your child...

keep comeing hear and pouring out your heart...

pit is a safe place...

land at three months,,,

from my experience ~~ the loss becomes more real,,,and gets harder,,, as you face the total impact of it...

i hope that you do have some human connections who can just be there for you,,

i genuinely cAre, 

And I am here ...if you need to talk as well as all others also who find themselves in need ~

 The  group I finally became a part of litterally  saved me and let me know that everything,,,thoughts & feelings were normal....

and I believe,,,at least for me talking out all my pain what're way or emoting involved is part of working thru....

even my dear husband,,,my sons were step children,,,,he harps no idea what I needed from him...

he said crewel things at times to try to 'help' me...

i thank God we are still together and have a working marriage...

so many times thru both my sons deaths I was,m,what I identified as the 'outa my mind with grief'   Stage...

remember Kileighpage - 

you have suffered a tramatic shock to you body , soul, and spirit ~~~

you should be in the hospital covered in bloody bandages ~~

becouse you are not others & yourself forget that you are convalescing ~~~

and it take a longggg time to adjust to learning to live the rest of your life here without your sweet daughter...

your are in my thoughts and heart..








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Sorry for your loss, I know how its mentally and emotionally  painful. I lost my daughter  May 22.   I am grieving and crying with you.   

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Jesse David & Taylor Mom

I am sorry for the loss of your dear little one. Please feel free to come and share if you would like on the Loss of an Adult Child thread. We try and keep up on responding to those new to the site...to let others know they are not alone.

Your beloved child's Age does not matter, all are welcome. ((HUGS)).

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