lost my Dad

[bombergirlt]

Its been 4 days since my Dad's unexpected passing in hospital.  He had been struggling for the past few weeks with shortness of breath but was very resistant to going to emerg.  I finally convinced him that he had to go in for treatment but now wonder if I 'forced' him into this and he would still be alive if he had his way.  The doctors told me not to feel guilty, that he needed attention in hospital and his condition was improving in the unit.  They said his passing was unexpected and likely caused by a lethal heart rhythm.  I am thankful that he was sleeping and seemed to pass without pain but am paralyzed by grief.  I am angry that they found him unresponsive... I wonder why he wasn't being monitored (heart/oxygen level) - that they would have been alerted to this if he was.   I am in my mid forties but feel like a child wanting her Daddy to hold her.  I am so acutely overwhelmed with sadness, anger, guilt and fear.   I know all the feelings are normal and part of this journey.  Thank you to this forum for providing the opportunity to share in our experience and provide support to one another.

tracy

[wistletone]

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my mom unexpectedly in October of 2014 and my dad this past April. I am trying to process everything. When my mom died we were in such shock and my whole family fell to pieces. My sister had a breakdown and then my father became critically ill. I left my job to care for him for 8 months and he really improved for a while. Then this past February he really went down hill and passed at the end of April.  When mom passed It was so shocking. I literally got through one day, sometimes one hour or even 10 minutes at a time. I would start to panic and say she was just on a trip until it subsided. Sometimes you have to go in little increments just to stay present and grounded. I then threw all my energy into caring for my dad. But that wasn't so healthy because I didn't take care of myself. Now they are both gone and I am both so devastatingly sad and lonely. But at the same time I'm trying to be present and take care of my own health too. Tonight was a particularly rough one... So I'm here online now.  Death Sucks.  It is going to take time and everyone handles grief differently. Breathe deeply a lot, do you have a church or supportive community? Ask the hospital for resources to find a grief counselor. It can really help you process things. It might also give you strategies for coping when things are really hard, dealing with family and other issues.  At some point a group might help.  But right now don't try to figure out the next year or what life will be like. Just try to go moment by moment and focus only on the most pressing issues. It's so hard, and I'm so sorry for your loss.

Heather

[seachelle]

I don't understand how loss and grief, which will inevitably effect everyone, is so taboo to discuss in our culture.  I come one this site and hear people describing huge emotions, and I wonder how everyone gets through the day.  I see people all around me and I know some of them must be going through this too.  I don't know if you have support in your area, but we are here for you!  It's not as good as in person, but it's all we've got in these modern times.