Dilemma

[Jeff In Denver]

I feel funny posting this, as I used to be a total skeptic and agnostic (still am that).  A while ago someone here suggested the book "The Light Between Us," and I have read it.  Now I am pretty convinced that we can communicate with people on the other side, and that they are always with us.  If you haven't read the book, I highly suggest it.  There is a lot of hope in those pages.

Now the dilemma.  The way I see it, there are four choices that we have with regard to future relationships.

1.  Doing nothing, staying single, and then meeting our loved one on the other side and resuming our relationship.

2. Doing the same thing, but that result doesn't happen because it's not real.  That would be a huge waste of the time that we have left here.

3. Getting into a new relationship where you're not really in love - more for companionship.  But then you're not really loving life.  You're just marking time until you meet up with the person you lost.

4. Falling in love and having a great relationship.  I don't like that option.  (This one is a little hard to explain).  Because if there is another side and eventually I meet up with my girlfriend, but I was just with someone else who I loved, that would be confusing and awkward.  I know that sounds a little far fetched and silly, but I know I am not the only one who has thought about it that way.

There is so much that we don't know.

 

 

 

 

[velvettuberose]

55 minutes ago, Jeff In Denver said:

I feel funny posting this, as I used to be a total skeptic and agnostic (still am that).  A while ago someone here suggested the book "The Light Between Us," and I have read it.  Now I am pretty convinced that we can communicate with people on the other side, and that they are always with us.  If you haven't read the book, I highly suggest it.  There is a lot of hope in those pages.

Now the dilemma.  The way I see it, there are four choices that we have with regard to future relationships.

1.  Doing nothing, staying single, and then meeting our loved one on the other side and resuming our relationship.

2. Doing the same thing, but that result doesn't happen because it's not real.  That would be a huge waste of the time that we have left here.

3. Getting into a new relationship where you're not really in love - more for companionship.  But then you're not really loving life.  You're just marking time until you meet up with the person you lost.

4. Falling in love and having a great relationship.  I don't like that option.  (This one is a little hard to explain).  Because if there is another side and eventually I meet up with my girlfriend, but I was just with someone else who I loved, that would be confusing and awkward.  I know that sounds a little far fetched and silly, but I know I am not the only one who has thought about it that way.

There is so much that we don't know.

 

 

 

 

Jeff, why not love again?...When you feel ready, of course... unfortunately for us left behind with all this pain to live with, life has to continue. We can love 2 people at the same time.  The memory of the lost loved one will never be forgotten. They will live through us every single day.And nobody really knows what happens with our souls when we die. 

I am a widow at 40 years of age. Sometimes, the pain of losing my husband at only 45 with a beautiful future ahead of him is still unreal. I am not opposed to meeting someone else when I will be ready. It is going to be different. That is for sure because I will never meet another Walter. Just like you will never meet another Milagros.

These are my thoughts.

 

[KayC]

Jeff,

Why not give it some time and see what presents itself in your life?  You haven't been on your own for very long, it's good to give it some time to fully adjust before doing anything else anyway.  Focus on YOU for now, there's a lot to learn, a lot to heal from.  The love we have with the person we lost will remain regardless!

[velvettuberose]

9 minutes ago, KayC said:

Jeff,

Why not give it some time and see what presents itself in your life?  You haven't been on your own for very long, it's good to give it some time to fully adjust before doing anything else anyway.  Focus on YOU for now, there's a lot to learn, a lot to heal from.  The love we have with the person we lost will remain regardless!

I agree with Kay, Jeff. Just be by yourself for a while. 

[claribassist13]

Jeff, 

You were someone before you met Mila. 
When you met Mila, you were a different person. When you and Mila began dating you were a different person. As your relationship progressed you were continually changing. As Mila got sick, you changed yet again. When you died you changed again. You are a different person now than you were when she died. Hell, you are a different person than the person you were yesterday. As you continue to process the grief and this unexpected life experience you will continue to change. 

For me, personally, I think that it is important to know/be comfortable with yourself before entering into a relationship. If you cannot love yourself, it's really hard to commit yourself to another person. 
This dilemma is going nowhere quickly. These questions will still be here tomorrow, next week, 10 years from now. I don't have an answer, but I do believe that as you get the know the "new" you, you'll discover the answer that works for you and your life. 
Time is not anything that any of us want to experience, but it is time and time alone that will allow you to find the answer you need. 

[Marty2121]

11 hours ago, Jeff In Denver said:

I feel funny posting this, as I used to be a total skeptic and agnostic (still am that).  A while ago someone here suggested the book "The Light Between Us," and I have read it.  Now I am pretty convinced that we can communicate with people on the other side, and that they are always with us.  If you haven't read the book, I highly suggest it.  There is a lot of hope in those pages.

Now the dilemma.  The way I see it, there are four choices that we have with regard to future relationships.

1.  Doing nothing, staying single, and then meeting our loved one on the other side and resuming our relationship.

2. Doing the same thing, but that result doesn't happen because it's not real.  That would be a huge waste of the time that we have left here.

3. Getting into a new relationship where you're not really in love - more for companionship.  But then you're not really loving life.  You're just marking time until you meet up with the person you lost.

4. Falling in love and having a great relationship.  I don't like that option.  (This one is a little hard to explain).  Because if there is another side and eventually I meet up with my girlfriend, but I was just with someone else who I loved, that would be confusing and awkward.  I know that sounds a little far fetched and silly, but I know I am not the only one who has thought about it that way.

There is so much that we don't know.

 

 

 

 

Jeff, I ask my friends #4 all the time!  I was/am a devout Catholic and yet nothing seems to make sense to me anymore.  It's been 2 years since my beloved Chuck passed on and again today I wept because the Hall Of Fame football game was cancelled!!!  Really!?!?  He LOVED football and somehow it was not an option for me not to follow the game and now I find myself addicted to it.  Thanks honey!  lol..  I don't know.  there is no right answers to all of our WHYS....we just have to somehow manage to accept our new life and somehow find peach and hopefully happiness once again, don't you think?   Gawd I miss him :'-(