Members sadsandy Posted July 28, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 28, 2016 I lost my grandmother a few days ago, the last time we spoke she was angry with me.I hadn't sent her pictures of my kids (all 4 of them) in a while. I told her to chill and id get them to her.She went into the hospital with hip pain and I thought ill call her later after she gets out. She got pneumonia and never came out. I never got to talk to her after our tiff. I drove out to her memorial only to be surrounded by her photos. They were everywhere and it occurred to me why a few photos were a big deal. She had been watching my kids grow up in them and I was robbing her of that. We live 15 hours from each other and the photos were all she had left. I have been stuffing down my guilt and have started having panic attacks the last few days.How do I deal with the guilt? I have lost people in the past and ive never felt this way.....im still dealing with my maternal grandmothers death that was three years ago. I fear I wont be able to forgive myself and move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted July 28, 2016 Members Report Share Posted July 28, 2016 Many people have serious regrets when their loved ones die. If only... I am very sorry about the loss of your grandmother. One thing many people do is write a letter and tell your grandmother you are sorry and how you feel. It may help. Or, visit her resting place and put a few pictures on it. I'm sure she has forgiven you. She loved you. You would forgive her. So, try to dwell on good memories of her. That's what she would want. We will be here with you, ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members sadsandy Posted July 28, 2016 Author Members Report Share Posted July 28, 2016 Thank you so much for responding. I will be writing her a letter for sure, I think it will probably help just to let it out. I know that she loved me and would have forgiven me, I know I cant even begin to heal until I forgive myself for not sending them. She did love to see us all happy so I know she wouldn't want me beating myself up. I have a lot of really amazing memories of her and I will try to think of all the good times instead of replaying that phone call in my mind, I'm sure that's what she would want. She did love me very much and I was blessed to have her as my grandma. Thank you again for the much needed perspective. Sandy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Members ModKonnie Posted August 2, 2016 Members Report Share Posted August 2, 2016 Sandy, It's hard to forgive ourselves for things we've done or didn't do, but you are right about self forgiveness. And of course she'd forgive you. She probably did the minute she was done talking with you. I'm glad you are concentrating on the happy times. Hopefully, you can even manage a smile or a laugh soon when a particularly fond memory pops up. ModKonnie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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