Struggling

[Lost_soul]

Hi all, 

I don't know if I belong here because I didn't experience a traditional death, but I did experience a horrible loss and I don't know where else to go. It happened about two and a half years ago. My boyfriend of seven years was in a car accident and suffered a horrible head injury. A few months after the accident, his personality started to change (he would get really angry for no reason at all and things like that). Then one day, out of no where, he called me and told me he wanted to break up. He couldn't really give me a reason why though. He said he still loved me and wanted to be with me, but just need time for himself. It didn't make any sense. Then three months later, he married someone else. He's a completely different person now - quite literally. He goes by a different first and last name and everything. It's awful because he's still alive but he's dead, if that makes any sense. It's been two and a half years and I'm still struggling to accept it. I don't understand why the one person I loved most had to be taken away from me. It's not fair. I cry all the time and just can't seem to make it through the grief. 

Again, I don't know where else to go. I just feel like I'm drowning. And after two and a half years, I should be better. Why am I not healing? Will it ever get better?

[Talyott]

Hi. While I cannot relate to that, I can understand the pain. In some ways I feel the pain you're suffering could even be worse. This horrible world doesn't make sense sometimes and I'm sorry it screwed with you. I know what you mean when you a say you feel like you're drowning. I feel that way mourning the loss of my son. I'm not going to hand feed you time will heal cliches because I don't believe that ****, and you've heard it enough. But I will listen, if you ever need to cry. I will not downplay your pain simply because your loss wasn't "traditional." It doesn't make it any less. Message me if you ever need. <3

[claribassist13]

Your loss is still significant. Within an instant (whether you knew it or not when it happened) you lost everything you knew. The person who came back was not the person you knew, and it was impossible to tell when your life flipped upside down until you were already there. 

Have you thought about going to see a grief counselor, or any sort of counselor? Contrary to popular belief you do not have to have suffered the physical death of someone to see a grief counselor. Talking to a professional and getting some tips on how to cope with you loss could be really beneficial to you. 

I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. 

[KayC]

It is like a death except you feel the rejection on top of it.  My sister had a car accident 48 years ago and had a traumatic brain injury that left her quadriplegic and killed her toddler.  At that moment in time, it's like I lost my sister and got a new one.  Her personality completely changed.  

This is something he can't control and there's nothing you could have done differently that could have hung on to him.  I'm just sorry you're left dealing with the aftermath, and I can only imagine how difficult this must be for you.  If you haven't already done so, I hope you'll see a grief counselor that can help you work through this.  If you've been seeing one and it's not helping, then I'd switch to a new one.  

We haven't been through exactly the same thing but we have been through our own losses and understand how that affects everything in one's life.  We are here to listen and care whenever you choose to come here.